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(Some Guy)   If you get your parents to watch your children for free, you're guilty of gran-sploitation   (blogs.kidspot.com.au) divider line 45
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6161 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Jan 2013 at 9:09 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-06 09:15:47 AM
10 votes:
Same grandparents that made their eldest children babysit their siblings for free?
2013-01-06 10:27:32 AM
5 votes:
I think gran-sploitation is perfectly defined by my mother's best friend's daughter. She refuses to move out, because she has a toddler and it's just 'too expensive to get her own place and pay for everything herself.' So she stays living at her parents' home, expecting them to watch the baby whenever she goes to work, and every weekend when she goes out to party.

She doesn't pay rent, and asks for help with baby clothes and nappies and the like, because she (and the grandparents) want the best for the baby. But she somehow finds the money for nails, hair extensions, booze, new clothes, the bar, etc.

That is gran-sploitation to me. It's the difference between wanting to mind your grandchild because you want to spend time with them and to give your kids a break, versus being forced to raise the child, because your own offspring is an utter failure.
2013-01-06 09:57:36 AM
5 votes:
TomD9938 2013-01-06 09:47:19 AM

FTA : In the past, of course, hands-on grandparent contact was the norm. The generations worked together to raise the kids. Remember Hilary Clinton's famous slogan "it takes a village to raise a child"?

That's an African saying that she was simply repeating. She wasnt referring to family members like grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, etc. either. Us stupid Westerners already knew the value of those resources. She was talking up the importance of handing your kids over to the central village authority so they could be raised right.


This is the most god-awful explanation of that saying I have ever heard and not even remotely what it means. It does NOT mean "handing your children over a central village authority to be raised right."

It means that all of our children belong to all of us. We all bear the responsibility for raising the children of our village whether that is your family, your neighborhood or all of America or the entire planet. Regardless of who the child's parents are, it takes the connectedness of an entire village (world) to educate, instill values, love and care into every single child.
2013-01-06 09:46:28 AM
4 votes:
As a grandparent who doesn't get to see the grandkids enough, and doesn't get to see one child because he's not 'blood', fark a lucky bastard grandparent who complains. Life is short. You'll get your nap later.

Kids can be inconvenient It happens with your kids, and with their kids. I didn't even think I wanted kids until I met the best girl and became insta-Dad.

But I remember spending time with my paternal grandfather. He made me feel like I was the coolest person in the world, even though I felt like I was disappointing everyone else. My grandkids will get as much of that as possible, for as long as possible.

They are brilliant. They are hilarious. He is handsome, and she is beautiful. I will never stop fighting for their best interests. I will never stop.
2013-01-06 07:25:56 AM
4 votes:
I think every generation of mankind has done this. Some parents live in to help. So boomers, you are not special and you aren't being exploited any more than you exploited your own parents.
2013-01-06 11:27:25 AM
3 votes:
Gramma:

I solved that problem by getting legal custody (and eventually adoption) of my grandchild and threw out my daughter.


That would be the ideal solution, but they created the monster and don't seem to be willing to help fix her. Her brother also still lives at home (26 years old), and has recently decided that he doesn't want to pay his visa bills any more. Or parking tickets. Naturally, he doesn't pay rent either.

They love the grandchild, but keep wondering why their children don't want to leave. If the kids can take that much advantage of their parents, why would they?

Sounds like you made the right and tough choice. :)
2013-01-06 10:19:05 AM
3 votes:
I guess these Boomers are getting so old that they are forgetting that their own grandparents helped raise them.
2013-01-06 09:55:52 AM
3 votes:
Silly writer, when grandparents want revenge they just load them up on sugar and caffeine and send them home.
2013-01-06 09:53:10 AM
3 votes:
I have a hard time believing that more and more boomers are calling it gran-sploitation and have a much easier time believing a journalist made it up just for this article because people love making up stupid words.
2013-01-06 09:34:24 AM
3 votes:
Wow, fark you, article writer. Totally written from the perspective of a freelance, always home mother. "Why should grandparents watch children? Mine don't, I watch mine just fine."

Here in NJ, you're paying on average $2,000 for full time day care a month per kid. Even if my wife went full time again, her entire paycheck would vanish just to have the honor to not raise our son. The only way this works is with the grandmoms switching duties every week. We are just lucky my son has one aunt and uncle and they are not having kids.

And as many have said, it's a natural thing for grandparents to do this and to chomp at the bit to do so. My mother is pretty much clinically insane for my son. I wouldn't be surprised if I asked that she would pay me to let her watch him.
2013-01-06 03:25:35 PM
2 votes:

Arthur Prefect: I think gran-sploitation is perfectly defined by my mother's best friend's daughter. She refuses to move out, because she has a toddler and it's just 'too expensive to get her own place and pay for everything herself.' So she stays living at her parents' home, expecting them to watch the baby whenever she goes to work, and every weekend when she goes out to party.

She doesn't pay rent, and asks for help with baby clothes and nappies and the like, because she (and the grandparents) want the best for the baby. But she somehow finds the money for nails, hair extensions, booze, new clothes, the bar, etc.

That is gran-sploitation to me. It's the difference between wanting to mind your grandchild because you want to spend time with them and to give your kids a break, versus being forced to raise the child, because your own offspring is an utter failure.


This. My best friend, that I've known since I was 3, exploits her mother. She's a single mom to a 3-year-old, a flight attendant, weird hours, always has perfect clothes, hair, etc. She'll be 40 this year. She does everything she possibly can to not connect with her son. She wants her sister (who lives next door) to take care of whatever her mom won't do. She's only out for herself. There's a lot of people like this. Some of these people become parents and then gran-sploitation happens.
/end rant
2013-01-06 11:37:01 AM
2 votes:

Arthur Prefect: Gramma:

I solved that problem by getting legal custody (and eventually adoption) of my grandchild and threw out my daughter.


That would be the ideal solution, but they created the monster and don't seem to be willing to help fix her. Her brother also still lives at home (26 years old), and has recently decided that he doesn't want to pay his visa bills any more. Or parking tickets. Naturally, he doesn't pay rent either.

They love the grandchild, but keep wondering why their children don't want to leave. If the kids can take that much advantage of their parents, why would they?

Sounds like you made the right and tough choice. :)


I wonder if this is always entirely the parents fault. If it does " take a village", maybe the village should take some of the responsibility, too.
2013-01-06 11:15:46 AM
2 votes:

Arthur Prefect: I think gran-sploitation is perfectly defined by my mother's best friend's daughter. She refuses to move out, because she has a toddler and it's just 'too expensive to get her own place and pay for everything herself.' So she stays living at her parents' home, expecting them to watch the baby whenever she goes to work, and every weekend when she goes out to party.

She doesn't pay rent, and asks for help with baby clothes and nappies and the like, because she (and the grandparents) want the best for the baby. But she somehow finds the money for nails, hair extensions, booze, new clothes, the bar, etc.

That is gran-sploitation to me. It's the difference between wanting to mind your grandchild because you want to spend time with them and to give your kids a break, versus being forced to raise the child, because your own offspring is an utter failure.


I solved that problem by getting legal custody (and eventually adoption) of my grandchild and threw out my daughter.
2013-01-06 11:02:04 AM
2 votes:
My older sister lives with my parents, doesn't help with the bills or food, and assumes they'll take care of her 8-year-old son while she goes to her boyfriend's house after work to play WoW until midnight. She's convinced my nephew that my grandparents aren't allowed to discipline him and that they're the bad guys who destroyed her childhood, so he should generally ignore anything they say. My parents aren't happy about the situation, but they love my nephew too much to kick my sister out. She's knows full well they're stuck with her if they want to see my nephew at all, so they deal with it.

With normal people, I'm sure the grandparents-as-free-childcare isn't a bad thing. With grown adults who still act like they're in middle school, it puts them in a really shiatty position.
2013-01-06 10:53:12 AM
2 votes:
What a bunch of delusional parents here. I love the "oh, my mother is beating down my door to watch my kids" Bullshiat. A day a week, maybe, but if you're dumping them off every day, that's farked up for both the parents and the kids. Grandparents enjoy visits, not changing diapers and having to discipline. If you can't have one parent home, then don't have kids, it's that simple. They're not pets.
2013-01-06 10:07:31 AM
2 votes:

Hermione_Granger: TomD9938 2013-01-06 09:47:19 AM

FTA : In the past, of course, hands-on grandparent contact was the norm. The generations worked together to raise the kids. Remember Hilary Clinton's famous slogan "it takes a village to raise a child"?

That's an African saying that she was simply repeating. She wasnt referring to family members like grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, etc. either. Us stupid Westerners already knew the value of those resources. She was talking up the importance of handing your kids over to the central village authority so they could be raised right.

This is the most god-awful explanation of that saying I have ever heard and not even remotely what it means. It does NOT mean "handing your children over a central village authority to be raised right."

It means that all of our children belong to all of us. We all bear the responsibility for raising the children of our village whether that is your family, your neighborhood or all of America or the entire planet. Regardless of who the child's parents are, it takes the connectedness of an entire village (world) to educate, instill values, love and care into every single child.


I always felt the phrase was referencing the influence a community has on a child's development. They learn by example, and not just the example of their bloodline. Everyone who doesn't assume some level of responsibility for the young ones of the community dooms themselves to live with the results when those children grow up. It may not be my direct responsibility to prevent your child from running from scissors. But They may choose to emulate how I treat an old coot, possibly when I'm an old coot.
2013-01-06 09:48:18 AM
2 votes:
I cannot imagine my mother's hurt if I even remotely suggested that I pay her for watching her own granddaughter. She refers to both of us as "her children," seeing no difference in having given life to me than to my daughter.

To suggest pay would have been to put her on the level of a paid servant, not family and would completely disrespect her as the matriarch of our family. I think she would have beat me with a stick and never spoken to me again.

I'm not saying that there are not situations where adult children should offer pay - especially depending on income level. I know for a fact that lower income families may set it up where a grandparent or other family becomes certified in childcare to qualify for funds for keeping a child daily. This makes sense, especially where they are watching multiple grandchildren and money is already tight. And more times than not, this money goes right back into the kids: diapers, extra snacks and basically the cost of running what amounts to a family daycare center.

But I am sure, even there, there are times when what grandma and grandpa do for their "babies" is out of sheer love, pay not required.
2013-01-06 09:25:13 AM
2 votes:
This is nothing new.  Other than baby-sitters, child care didn't exist 30 years ago.
2013-01-06 09:17:02 AM
2 votes:
Any grandparent who wouldn't jump at the chance to watch the grandkids is probably a bad grandparent.

And EvilEgg has it right. This is just what humans do. It's what we've always done. The POINT of a family is having this sort of support structure.

Dumb article is dumb.
2013-01-07 04:52:47 PM
1 votes:
I feel like the only parent here who does NOT think my parents (or my husband's parents) exist for us to use as free child care. Yes, we have a child. Yes, we love her dearly. Yes, we put her in playschool/daycare during the day while we are both at work. And you know what - we're all the better for it. My daughter is learning the social skills and the budding world of colors and numbers (taught by those trained much better than I, or our parents, on how to do so) while my husband and I get to go to work and see other adults and utilize our own set of skills. We are lucky that we can afford to send her to school. I spent 15 months as a stay-at-home mom when she was first born, and both she and I heaved a sigh of relief when we weren't around each other 24/7 anymore. I find the biggest sting is other people telling me what a horrid parent I am because I don't want to be glued to my kid's side 24/7. We happily put her in playschool. Get over it. Just by watching my daughter interact with her friends who DON'T go to daycare (and are instead raised by grandparents while the parents work, or by a stay at home parent) I can easily see how much better my daughter's social skills and development are. It reinforces to us how good of a decision it was to put her into a playschool. Even if I had the luxury of living close to either set of grandparents, I would NEVER assume they would just happily watch my kid during the week, and I wouldn't want them to. Visits for fun on the weekend, or outings - sure - but as babysitters? HELL NO. They did their job raising me, now they get the fun of just spoiling their grandbaby during visits, not slaving over my kid every day. One of the things my husband and I waited for before having kids was making sure we earned enough money to support them, and that included child care.
2013-01-06 07:37:37 PM
1 votes:
My son met a woman with an inafnt daughter. He welcomed them into his home and they became a part of our family. The little girl had only recently started calling me "Grandpa". Now it's two years down the road, and the woman has left my son. I can do without her, but I miss my granddaughter. I'd give my left arm to hold her with my right. Babysitting was never a burden.
2013-01-06 04:02:37 PM
1 votes:
Yes we're exploiting you. It's paybacks for using us as slave labor for 18 years. If you biatch about it we'll find you a death home instead of a nursing home.
2013-01-06 02:52:53 PM
1 votes:

Ow My Balls: (Every non-school workday, that is.)


That's because your parents had an appetite for parenting, but lacked the ability.

My sister in law sends her kids to her mother's house five days a week because she has to work. Monday through Friday night the kids go to her house to sleep, then they're right back at Grandma's in the morning. Then Saturday and Sunday the kids are at Grandma's house for 48 hours because my SiL has to go to the bar or club and unwind, and she and her husband both like to go hunting or fishing every Saturday and Sunday. My MiL wanted us to go to dinner with her on NYE and showed up with both kids. Where's your daughter? Oh, she's at a party 100 miles away. Maybe I'm crazy, but I think a 30 year old married couple with two kids MIGHT have to occasionally miss the odd party now and then.

I have literally heard my mother in law call her daughter and ask her if she could PLEASE "babysit" her own children if she gave her two weeks' notice.

/of course my wife and I offended her by saying it wouldn't be like that for us
//regrettably can't afford kids
///can't get the money together before it's too late
2013-01-06 02:23:18 PM
1 votes:
People who have the grands to help watch the kids have a huge advantage over people who don't have grandparents to do this, especially since so many people are divorced. There is nothing wrong with using your parents if they want to help out.

OTOH, my cousin used to have a lot of foster kids. One she had for a few years, and the girl had no sooner turned 18 and moved out than she got pregnant. Guess who watches her kid all the time, even though she has a full-time job? And not even on an organized schedule--the girl shows up, and if my cousin is home, she just drops the kid off with no explanation or anything. That shiat would not fly at my house, I don't care if the girl is neglecting her baby (and apparently she is). But that's the kind of stuff you can expect from people who were raised in the foster care system. Sometimes they're a little broken.
2013-01-06 12:56:39 PM
1 votes:
I would rather be with my grand-daughter(actually step-grand-daughter) than nearly any other person I know. She's a great kid who'll turn 3 in March. I get more joy from her than I do any other thing in my life right now. She's beautiful, she's smart( knows her ABC's and can count to 10 already), and she reminds me of her mom when me and her mother were still together. I have her with me as often as possible and would be happy to see her even more than I do. And yes, I would gladly pay to watch her if I had to.
2013-01-06 12:48:14 PM
1 votes:
Yeah... I wouldn't leave any children alone with my parents unsupervised. Have them babysit? Only if I wanted to pay for years of therapy afterwards.

/my parents never should have had children
//only people I know who've had other people (friends, family, etc.) tell them so. Openly.
2013-01-06 12:21:25 PM
1 votes:

hbk72777: What a bunch of delusional parents here. I love the "oh, my mother is beating down my door to watch my kids" Bullshiat. A day a week, maybe, but if you're dumping them off every day, that's farked up for both the parents and the kids. Grandparents enjoy visits, not changing diapers and having to discipline. If you can't have one parent home, then don't have kids, it's that simple. They're not pets.


Who are you scolding, exactly? I don't see a single person here suggesting that grandparents should watch the grandkids every day and that using grandparents as replacement parents is okay. Not a single person. The only people who are bringing up situations like that are bringing them up negatively, as in, "My Soandso does this and it's awful." And no one is disagreeing with them. Quite the opposite.

Whoever it is you're raging to, they're not in this thread.
2013-01-06 12:21:15 PM
1 votes:
Meanwhile, on the other side of the coin ...

www.global-air.com

When you help your children and babysit the grandkids, suddenly having to care for your parents isn't what you anticipated when you are a senior citizen yourself. (new window)
2013-01-06 12:17:18 PM
1 votes:

ReapTheChaos: This is nothing new.  Other than baby-sitters, child care didn't exist 30 years ago.


the sooner we get back to extended families and multi-generation under one roof the sooner this country will get out of the sewer. i learned this from watching The Waltons and listening to Hillary parroting "it takes a village to raise a child".

in my old age i've heard about several couples who use their children as threats to parents, as in do this do that or you don't get to see the cutie pies. farking sad pieces of crap.
2013-01-06 12:10:36 PM
1 votes:
Is the "silly" tag for the parents that do this or is it an indication that the poster see's this as a non-issue (as in --of course grandparents love to watch the grandkids).

So far I have never dumped my kids on my parents and dont plan to ever do so. They already completed all the work associated with that portion of their life. They did their time so to speak. Outside of a really clear request from them to watch the kids one day it would be very selfish of me, or any other parent in a similar position, to take advantage of their proximity and/or relationship to the grandkids in order to save a few bucks and burden them with a task that they would have a very difficult time managing at this point.
2013-01-06 11:47:02 AM
1 votes:
My sister went the "move back home and let the grands raise my kid" route, so much so, that when our kids showed up, the grandparents were simply too worn out to do much for us. We've always been too broke to afford much daycare or babysitting, but when my grandkids show up, the adults will not be allowed in the house. Grandbabies yummy, grown ups need to leave and go provide. To this end, we are planning to downsize, and have already started getting rid of adult sized bedroom furniture in the guest room. Bunk beds and bean bag chairs only, terribly uncomfortable and very effective.
2013-01-06 11:19:02 AM
1 votes:

Spass_Taschen: Same grandparents that made their eldest children babysit their siblings for free?


This!

And a good grandparent does their share in helping out the family and keeping their genetic line going. Any grandparent who complains about it doesn't deserve to have grandkids.
2013-01-06 10:10:45 AM
1 votes:
Competing with Obvious tag. I'd thought it was pretty accepted in anthropological circles that grandparents aided humanity's development through such "free childcare." It allowed parents to procreate more, better ensuring our survival, as well as allowing a for a longer adolescence during which we might better learn our increasingly complex adaptive skills...
2013-01-06 10:04:39 AM
1 votes:

Hermione_Granger: TomD9938 2013-01-06 09:47:19 AM

FTA : In the past, of course, hands-on grandparent contact was the norm. The generations worked together to raise the kids. Remember Hilary Clinton's famous slogan "it takes a village to raise a child"?

That's an African saying that she was simply repeating. She wasnt referring to family members like grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, etc. either. Us stupid Westerners already knew the value of those resources. She was talking up the importance of handing your kids over to the central village authority so they could be raised right.

This is the most god-awful explanation of that saying I have ever heard and not even remotely what it means. It does NOT mean "handing your children over a central village authority to be raised right."

It means that all of our children belong to all of us. We all bear the responsibility for raising the children of our village whether that is your family, your neighborhood or all of America or the entire planet. Regardless of who the child's parents are, it takes the connectedness of an entire village (world) to educate, instill values, love and care into every single child.


The author said, in no uncertain terms, that Hillary meant blood-family (grandparents) when she repeated that line.
2013-01-06 09:57:10 AM
1 votes:
Heh, both sets of grandparents and one great grandmother were chomping at the bit to take care of me when I was growing up. And then when the parents divorced and my mother decided it would be awkward for me to spend the day with my paternal grandparents my paternal grandmother showed up, told my mother to go off to work, took care of me and cleaned the house.

I was the only granddaughter on one side of the family, and the only grandchild anywhere near on the other. Free childcare is something that grandparents do.

Sadly I wouldn't dare leave any of my kids with my father, it just isn't safe.

/really wish mom were still alive, that would be awesome
//alas, there is none of that
2013-01-06 09:49:07 AM
1 votes:

Spass_Taschen: Same grandparents that made their eldest children babysit their siblings for free?


Or worse. Their friends would come visiting and drag their young kids along. Guess who got volunteered to watch those kids for free?
2013-01-06 09:47:19 AM
1 votes:
FTA : In the past, of course, hands-on grandparent contact was the norm. The generations worked together to raise the kids. Remember Hilary Clinton's famous slogan "it takes a village to raise a child"?


That's an African saying that she was simply repeating. She wasnt referring to family members like grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, etc. either. Us stupid Westerners already knew the value of those resources. She was talking up the importance of handing your kids over to the central village authority so they could be raised right.

Have a friend whose daughter definately expoits him for childcare (every day). She treats him more like a husband when he refuses to do day care due to scheduling reasons and at times it borders on the creapy.

He does it out of a sense of guilt though, mainly because he spent her entire childhood coked up out of his mind and is trying to now make amends.
2013-01-06 09:41:43 AM
1 votes:
My boomer parents dropped me and/or my younger siblings off at Grandma's every day from 1973 to around 1992. Those were some of the best times of my life...
2013-01-06 09:31:54 AM
1 votes:
My Father-In-Law has been known to push my Mother-In-Law out of the way in order to see my daughter right after we pull up. They both get a little twitchy if they don't see her for more than a couple of weeks

/Sadly, I will never trust my own parents alone with any of my offspring.
//If my mother and my MIL were both hanging off a cliff, I'd rescue my MIL first and then think real hard on whether I should help my mom or not.
2013-01-06 09:31:35 AM
1 votes:
When my daughters were born my mother flipped the fark out when I said I was putting them in day care. No stranger was going to watch HER grandchildren!
2013-01-06 09:28:23 AM
1 votes:
My daughter is with my mother Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. She's with my mother-in-law Tuesday and Thursday. They both would love to have her 5 days a week.

Since we don't have to pay for daycare, we're prepaying for my daughter's college. The grandparents are more than happy to help with that.
2013-01-06 09:21:46 AM
1 votes:
TFA: She reckons she hears "a lot of complaints", and that grandparents put on a different face for their kids on the subject than they do to their mates.

Ah yes, the old "What you say is irrelevant. I know I'm right because I can read your mind" argument.
images.contactmusic.com
2013-01-06 09:19:44 AM
1 votes:
Ugh. Somebody had a deadline to meet.
2013-01-06 09:16:57 AM
1 votes:
My mom gets sad if she doesn't get to babysit.
2013-01-06 08:40:46 AM
1 votes:
If they didn't want to watch my kids they should have saved for retirement.
 
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