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(Some Guy)   If you get your parents to watch your children for free, you're guilty of gran-sploitation   (blogs.kidspot.com.au) divider line 88
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6175 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Jan 2013 at 9:09 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-06 10:50:04 AM  
Shocked, SHOCKED I am, that this is coming from the boomer generation.

Paragons of responsibility and selflessness that they have always been.
 
2013-01-06 10:53:12 AM  
What a bunch of delusional parents here. I love the "oh, my mother is beating down my door to watch my kids" Bullshiat. A day a week, maybe, but if you're dumping them off every day, that's farked up for both the parents and the kids. Grandparents enjoy visits, not changing diapers and having to discipline. If you can't have one parent home, then don't have kids, it's that simple. They're not pets.
 
2013-01-06 10:55:23 AM  
DRTFA but Hispanic culture does this and it's key for saving money and preserving family values. selfish drugged up materialistic whiteys should take note,

this country is ghey now.
 
2013-01-06 10:59:45 AM  
Had a scare last month and the first question out of my mother's mouth was "Are you two going to move back to Denver so Hunter can see his cousin every day?"

My nephew spends half of his waking life at the family house with my Parents and Grandmother. I spent half my waking life from the age of 12 to 17 watching my sisters. I wouldn't feel guilty in the least if the parents ended up caretaking for any spawn of mine until the child was old enough for kindergarten. Hell, they seem to be insistent.
 
2013-01-06 11:02:04 AM  
My older sister lives with my parents, doesn't help with the bills or food, and assumes they'll take care of her 8-year-old son while she goes to her boyfriend's house after work to play WoW until midnight. She's convinced my nephew that my grandparents aren't allowed to discipline him and that they're the bad guys who destroyed her childhood, so he should generally ignore anything they say. My parents aren't happy about the situation, but they love my nephew too much to kick my sister out. She's knows full well they're stuck with her if they want to see my nephew at all, so they deal with it.

With normal people, I'm sure the grandparents-as-free-childcare isn't a bad thing. With grown adults who still act like they're in middle school, it puts them in a really shiatty position.
 
2013-01-06 11:13:14 AM  

GirlScoutSniper: ReapTheChaos: This is nothing new.  Other than baby-sitters, child care didn't exist 30 years ago.

I honestly can't tell if you're joking.


Going by the name I have to go with :"subtle troll".

/mainly because the other answers are too depressing
 
2013-01-06 11:13:45 AM  
We take our grandaughter for a night every week. How else do I get to teach her how to grill a perfect steak and cheer for the Seahawks?
 
2013-01-06 11:15:46 AM  

Arthur Prefect: I think gran-sploitation is perfectly defined by my mother's best friend's daughter. She refuses to move out, because she has a toddler and it's just 'too expensive to get her own place and pay for everything herself.' So she stays living at her parents' home, expecting them to watch the baby whenever she goes to work, and every weekend when she goes out to party.

She doesn't pay rent, and asks for help with baby clothes and nappies and the like, because she (and the grandparents) want the best for the baby. But she somehow finds the money for nails, hair extensions, booze, new clothes, the bar, etc.

That is gran-sploitation to me. It's the difference between wanting to mind your grandchild because you want to spend time with them and to give your kids a break, versus being forced to raise the child, because your own offspring is an utter failure.


I solved that problem by getting legal custody (and eventually adoption) of my grandchild and threw out my daughter.
 
2013-01-06 11:19:02 AM  

Spass_Taschen: Same grandparents that made their eldest children babysit their siblings for free?


This!

And a good grandparent does their share in helping out the family and keeping their genetic line going. Any grandparent who complains about it doesn't deserve to have grandkids.
 
2013-01-06 11:27:25 AM  
Gramma:

I solved that problem by getting legal custody (and eventually adoption) of my grandchild and threw out my daughter.


That would be the ideal solution, but they created the monster and don't seem to be willing to help fix her. Her brother also still lives at home (26 years old), and has recently decided that he doesn't want to pay his visa bills any more. Or parking tickets. Naturally, he doesn't pay rent either.

They love the grandchild, but keep wondering why their children don't want to leave. If the kids can take that much advantage of their parents, why would they?

Sounds like you made the right and tough choice. :)
 
2013-01-06 11:31:23 AM  
Oh shut up.
 
2013-01-06 11:37:01 AM  

Arthur Prefect: Gramma:

I solved that problem by getting legal custody (and eventually adoption) of my grandchild and threw out my daughter.


That would be the ideal solution, but they created the monster and don't seem to be willing to help fix her. Her brother also still lives at home (26 years old), and has recently decided that he doesn't want to pay his visa bills any more. Or parking tickets. Naturally, he doesn't pay rent either.

They love the grandchild, but keep wondering why their children don't want to leave. If the kids can take that much advantage of their parents, why would they?

Sounds like you made the right and tough choice. :)


I wonder if this is always entirely the parents fault. If it does " take a village", maybe the village should take some of the responsibility, too.
 
2013-01-06 11:47:02 AM  
My sister went the "move back home and let the grands raise my kid" route, so much so, that when our kids showed up, the grandparents were simply too worn out to do much for us. We've always been too broke to afford much daycare or babysitting, but when my grandkids show up, the adults will not be allowed in the house. Grandbabies yummy, grown ups need to leave and go provide. To this end, we are planning to downsize, and have already started getting rid of adult sized bedroom furniture in the guest room. Bunk beds and bean bag chairs only, terribly uncomfortable and very effective.
 
2013-01-06 11:51:41 AM  

Arthur Prefect: I think gran-sploitation is perfectly defined by my mother's best friend's daughter. She refuses to move out, because she has a toddler and it's just 'too expensive to get her own place and pay for everything herself.' So she stays living at her parents' home, expecting them to watch the baby whenever she goes to work, and every weekend when she goes out to party.

She doesn't pay rent, and asks for help with baby clothes and nappies and the like, because she (and the grandparents) want the best for the baby. But she somehow finds the money for nails, hair extensions, booze, new clothes, the bar, etc.

That is gran-sploitation to me. It's the difference between wanting to mind your grandchild because you want to spend time with them and to give your kids a break, versus being forced to raise the child, because your own offspring is an utter failure.


Agreed.
 
2013-01-06 12:03:23 PM  

shabu: As a grandparent who doesn't get to see the grandkids enough, and doesn't get to see one child because he's not 'blood', fark a lucky bastard grandparent who complains. Life is short. You'll get your nap later.

Kids can be inconvenient It happens with your kids, and with their kids. I didn't even think I wanted kids until I met the best girl and became insta-Dad.

But I remember spending time with my paternal grandfather. He made me feel like I was the coolest person in the world, even though I felt like I was disappointing everyone else. My grandkids will get as much of that as possible, for as long as possible.

They are brilliant. They are hilarious. He is handsome, and she is beautiful. I will never stop fighting for their best interests. I will never stop.


You, sir, are a mensch, and I tip my hat to you. You got it right.
 
2013-01-06 12:10:36 PM  
Is the "silly" tag for the parents that do this or is it an indication that the poster see's this as a non-issue (as in --of course grandparents love to watch the grandkids).

So far I have never dumped my kids on my parents and dont plan to ever do so. They already completed all the work associated with that portion of their life. They did their time so to speak. Outside of a really clear request from them to watch the kids one day it would be very selfish of me, or any other parent in a similar position, to take advantage of their proximity and/or relationship to the grandkids in order to save a few bucks and burden them with a task that they would have a very difficult time managing at this point.
 
2013-01-06 12:12:34 PM  
No, they really don't want to watch your kids.
 
2013-01-06 12:14:53 PM  

hbk72777: What a bunch of delusional parents here. I love the "oh, my mother is beating down my door to watch my kids" Bullshiat. A day a week, maybe, but if you're dumping them off every day, that's farked up for both the parents and the kids. Grandparents enjoy visits, not changing diapers and having to discipline. If you can't have one parent home, then don't have kids, it's that simple. They're not pets.


At the risk of being sooo 2012:

THIS!!!
 
2013-01-06 12:17:18 PM  

ReapTheChaos: This is nothing new.  Other than baby-sitters, child care didn't exist 30 years ago.


the sooner we get back to extended families and multi-generation under one roof the sooner this country will get out of the sewer. i learned this from watching The Waltons and listening to Hillary parroting "it takes a village to raise a child".

in my old age i've heard about several couples who use their children as threats to parents, as in do this do that or you don't get to see the cutie pies. farking sad pieces of crap.
 
2013-01-06 12:21:15 PM  
Meanwhile, on the other side of the coin ...

www.global-air.com

When you help your children and babysit the grandkids, suddenly having to care for your parents isn't what you anticipated when you are a senior citizen yourself. (new window)
 
2013-01-06 12:21:25 PM  

hbk72777: What a bunch of delusional parents here. I love the "oh, my mother is beating down my door to watch my kids" Bullshiat. A day a week, maybe, but if you're dumping them off every day, that's farked up for both the parents and the kids. Grandparents enjoy visits, not changing diapers and having to discipline. If you can't have one parent home, then don't have kids, it's that simple. They're not pets.


Who are you scolding, exactly? I don't see a single person here suggesting that grandparents should watch the grandkids every day and that using grandparents as replacement parents is okay. Not a single person. The only people who are bringing up situations like that are bringing them up negatively, as in, "My Soandso does this and it's awful." And no one is disagreeing with them. Quite the opposite.

Whoever it is you're raging to, they're not in this thread.
 
2013-01-06 12:25:47 PM  
Your children's grandparents are busy teaching them all the ways that you used to annoy the crap out of them when you were kids. Enjoy your free childcare!

/likewise, they're happy to do it for free because they imagine you caring for them in their old ages instead of shuffling them off to a home
 
2013-01-06 12:48:14 PM  
Yeah... I wouldn't leave any children alone with my parents unsupervised. Have them babysit? Only if I wanted to pay for years of therapy afterwards.

/my parents never should have had children
//only people I know who've had other people (friends, family, etc.) tell them so. Openly.
 
2013-01-06 12:56:39 PM  
I would rather be with my grand-daughter(actually step-grand-daughter) than nearly any other person I know. She's a great kid who'll turn 3 in March. I get more joy from her than I do any other thing in my life right now. She's beautiful, she's smart( knows her ABC's and can count to 10 already), and she reminds me of her mom when me and her mother were still together. I have her with me as often as possible and would be happy to see her even more than I do. And yes, I would gladly pay to watch her if I had to.
 
2013-01-06 02:23:18 PM  
People who have the grands to help watch the kids have a huge advantage over people who don't have grandparents to do this, especially since so many people are divorced. There is nothing wrong with using your parents if they want to help out.

OTOH, my cousin used to have a lot of foster kids. One she had for a few years, and the girl had no sooner turned 18 and moved out than she got pregnant. Guess who watches her kid all the time, even though she has a full-time job? And not even on an organized schedule--the girl shows up, and if my cousin is home, she just drops the kid off with no explanation or anything. That shiat would not fly at my house, I don't care if the girl is neglecting her baby (and apparently she is). But that's the kind of stuff you can expect from people who were raised in the foster care system. Sometimes they're a little broken.
 
2013-01-06 02:32:27 PM  
Oh yeah, my mom just farking hates getting time with her grandkids.

Morans.

/dnrtfa
 
2013-01-06 02:52:53 PM  

Ow My Balls: (Every non-school workday, that is.)


That's because your parents had an appetite for parenting, but lacked the ability.

My sister in law sends her kids to her mother's house five days a week because she has to work. Monday through Friday night the kids go to her house to sleep, then they're right back at Grandma's in the morning. Then Saturday and Sunday the kids are at Grandma's house for 48 hours because my SiL has to go to the bar or club and unwind, and she and her husband both like to go hunting or fishing every Saturday and Sunday. My MiL wanted us to go to dinner with her on NYE and showed up with both kids. Where's your daughter? Oh, she's at a party 100 miles away. Maybe I'm crazy, but I think a 30 year old married couple with two kids MIGHT have to occasionally miss the odd party now and then.

I have literally heard my mother in law call her daughter and ask her if she could PLEASE "babysit" her own children if she gave her two weeks' notice.

/of course my wife and I offended her by saying it wouldn't be like that for us
//regrettably can't afford kids
///can't get the money together before it's too late
 
2013-01-06 02:54:39 PM  
As a grandparent of nine, ranging in ages from 18 to 9 months, this is the stupidest article I've ever read.

I LOVE babysitting my grandkids even though it takes a lot of patience and stamina. It's the highlight of my week.

If you're not like me and don't want to...don't. Just say no. Making an issue out of this is plain stupid.
 
2013-01-06 03:09:34 PM  
As a grandfather of 3, all I can say is BWAAHAHAHAHAHA. Please.

We get twitchy if we don't see the grands more than once a week. Saw the 2.5 year old last night, going over to see the 3 year old and the 8 month old this afternoon.
 
2013-01-06 03:25:35 PM  

Arthur Prefect: I think gran-sploitation is perfectly defined by my mother's best friend's daughter. She refuses to move out, because she has a toddler and it's just 'too expensive to get her own place and pay for everything herself.' So she stays living at her parents' home, expecting them to watch the baby whenever she goes to work, and every weekend when she goes out to party.

She doesn't pay rent, and asks for help with baby clothes and nappies and the like, because she (and the grandparents) want the best for the baby. But she somehow finds the money for nails, hair extensions, booze, new clothes, the bar, etc.

That is gran-sploitation to me. It's the difference between wanting to mind your grandchild because you want to spend time with them and to give your kids a break, versus being forced to raise the child, because your own offspring is an utter failure.


This. My best friend, that I've known since I was 3, exploits her mother. She's a single mom to a 3-year-old, a flight attendant, weird hours, always has perfect clothes, hair, etc. She'll be 40 this year. She does everything she possibly can to not connect with her son. She wants her sister (who lives next door) to take care of whatever her mom won't do. She's only out for herself. There's a lot of people like this. Some of these people become parents and then gran-sploitation happens.
/end rant
 
2013-01-06 03:50:49 PM  
How about uncle-splotation?  I was constantly being asked to watch my sister's kids.  I got my revenge.  I gave belching lessons.  My niece was a natural.  She can let loose with a wall shaking belch that makes me proud.
 
2013-01-06 04:02:37 PM  
Yes we're exploiting you. It's paybacks for using us as slave labor for 18 years. If you biatch about it we'll find you a death home instead of a nursing home.
 
2013-01-06 07:37:37 PM  
My son met a woman with an inafnt daughter. He welcomed them into his home and they became a part of our family. The little girl had only recently started calling me "Grandpa". Now it's two years down the road, and the woman has left my son. I can do without her, but I miss my granddaughter. I'd give my left arm to hold her with my right. Babysitting was never a burden.
 
2013-01-06 08:03:15 PM  
If you don't feel an obligation toward your own blood relatives, and them to you, then the sort of relationship you have is not called "family." Maybe your mom/daughter should be better referred to as "acquaintance."
 
2013-01-07 06:40:58 AM  

Arthur Prefect: Gramma:

I solved that problem by getting legal custody (and eventually adoption) of my grandchild and threw out my daughter.


That would be the ideal solution, but they created the monster and don't seem to be willing to help fix her. Her brother also still lives at home (26 years old), and has recently decided that he doesn't want to pay his visa bills any more. Or parking tickets. Naturally, he doesn't pay rent either.

They love the grandchild, but keep wondering why their children don't want to leave. If the kids can take that much advantage of their parents, why would they?

Sounds like you made the right and tough choice. :)



That is just it. If your offspring are what you'd consider an utter failure and treat you badly or exploit you, whose fault is that? You are the one who brought them up and instilled the values they have, or don't have, into them. If you make living at home in their adulthood so lovely, then you have to at least be pleased to know they are smart enough to take advantage of the offer.

Also any parent that has ever made any comment along the lines of "why haven't you provided me with grandchildren yet" voids any right to decline babysitting.
 
2013-01-07 12:45:37 PM  
Grandparents are great for a fallback babysitting position, especially when your prime, favorite babysitter gets a job/boyfriend/pregnant/arrested for robbing you (long story, that last one) and doesn't want to babysit anymore. Ranging from $7-10/hour for two well-behaved boys, you can save a bit with the grandparents.

What you can't put a pricetag on is the level of deprogramming that must commence for the 24-36 hours once mom and dad pick them up. Even when giving grandma and grandpa a detailed list of what they can't eat and what amounts they can't (My oldest has ADHD, and coming from a family of overweight people, we severely limit their junk food/sugar intake, and definitely no caffeine), they pleasantly ignore it and pull the grand-clause because the rules don't apply. I assured them once that the fact the boys were wide awake until 11:30pm after getting "drinks" of Pepsi at 4pm was purely coincidental. The other thing I realized when my kids were born is that my parents somehow forgot how to care for infants, even after having two of them 30-40 years ago. It's not like they began putting computers in them after 1995...

This creates the cycle where the boys are happy as pigs in shiat to go there for days at a time - since there are no specific 'rules' - while I have to piss off my folks afterward, chewing them out for giving my oldest so much ice cream that he has the shiats for 24 hours. You have to pick your battles as with anything, but as other posters have indicated, my folks would gladly step over each other and drive 3-5 hours each way to get the grandkids for a weekend.

My dad survived cancer 4 times, in what I believe was a significant mental goal to live long enough to see his grandkids grow up, so I will never, ever discourage the boys visiting with him. Nevertheless, as Cosby said before, my kids fail to realize that the man they know as pee-paw is NOT the man who raised me. Forget "uphill, both ways," and think "The Four Yorkshiremen."
 
2013-01-07 03:55:45 PM  

Krymson Tyde: [i232.photobucket.com image 300x230]

Yeah, I'm old...what of it?
I'd change the sign if I weren't on my phone.


I haven't even thought about Dr Jack Badowski for 20-25 years. You sir win one ...whatever there was before the internet.
 
2013-01-07 04:52:47 PM  
I feel like the only parent here who does NOT think my parents (or my husband's parents) exist for us to use as free child care. Yes, we have a child. Yes, we love her dearly. Yes, we put her in playschool/daycare during the day while we are both at work. And you know what - we're all the better for it. My daughter is learning the social skills and the budding world of colors and numbers (taught by those trained much better than I, or our parents, on how to do so) while my husband and I get to go to work and see other adults and utilize our own set of skills. We are lucky that we can afford to send her to school. I spent 15 months as a stay-at-home mom when she was first born, and both she and I heaved a sigh of relief when we weren't around each other 24/7 anymore. I find the biggest sting is other people telling me what a horrid parent I am because I don't want to be glued to my kid's side 24/7. We happily put her in playschool. Get over it. Just by watching my daughter interact with her friends who DON'T go to daycare (and are instead raised by grandparents while the parents work, or by a stay at home parent) I can easily see how much better my daughter's social skills and development are. It reinforces to us how good of a decision it was to put her into a playschool. Even if I had the luxury of living close to either set of grandparents, I would NEVER assume they would just happily watch my kid during the week, and I wouldn't want them to. Visits for fun on the weekend, or outings - sure - but as babysitters? HELL NO. They did their job raising me, now they get the fun of just spoiling their grandbaby during visits, not slaving over my kid every day. One of the things my husband and I waited for before having kids was making sure we earned enough money to support them, and that included child care.
 
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