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(Some Guy)   If you get your parents to watch your children for free, you're guilty of gran-sploitation   (blogs.kidspot.com.au) divider line 88
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6165 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Jan 2013 at 9:09 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-06 07:19:11 AM
Our parents would crawl over each other in a bid to babysit the grandkids.  But as we live in Spain, and Virginia before that, and South Carolina before that...   And they remain in Michigan.  Military life can really put a damper on things.
 
2013-01-06 07:25:56 AM
I think every generation of mankind has done this. Some parents live in to help. So boomers, you are not special and you aren't being exploited any more than you exploited your own parents.
 
2013-01-06 08:15:28 AM
i232.photobucket.com

Yeah, I'm old...what of it?
I'd change the sign if I weren't on my phone.
 
2013-01-06 08:40:46 AM
If they didn't want to watch my kids they should have saved for retirement.
 
2013-01-06 09:10:45 AM
At least the grandkids are grateful.
 
2013-01-06 09:15:47 AM
Same grandparents that made their eldest children babysit their siblings for free?
 
2013-01-06 09:16:57 AM
My mom gets sad if she doesn't get to babysit.
 
2013-01-06 09:17:02 AM
Any grandparent who wouldn't jump at the chance to watch the grandkids is probably a bad grandparent.

And EvilEgg has it right. This is just what humans do. It's what we've always done. The POINT of a family is having this sort of support structure.

Dumb article is dumb.
 
2013-01-06 09:17:41 AM
Yeah, you try telling my parents they can't watch my kid. Even after being trapped in their own personal hell with my sister and her three bastards moving in with them, they give me such a guilt trip if they can't watch my daughter overnight every couple of weeks. I hate family dynamics.
 
2013-01-06 09:19:44 AM
Ugh. Somebody had a deadline to meet.
 
2013-01-06 09:20:26 AM

biyaaatci: Yeah, you try telling my parents they can't watch my kid. Even after being trapped in their own personal hell with my sister and her three bastards moving in with them, they give me such a guilt trip if they can't watch my daughter overnight every couple of weeks. I hate family dynamics.


Wait, they already have an entire family living with them and they want to have more kids to look after? You get a night off every few weeks, that doesn't sound too bad to me.

/unless they're insane
 
2013-01-06 09:21:46 AM
TFA: She reckons she hears "a lot of complaints", and that grandparents put on a different face for their kids on the subject than they do to their mates.

Ah yes, the old "What you say is irrelevant. I know I'm right because I can read your mind" argument.
images.contactmusic.com
 
2013-01-06 09:24:02 AM

Son of Thunder: TFA: She reckons she hears "a lot of complaints", and that grandparents put on a different face for their kids on the subject than they do to their mates.

Ah yes, the old "What you say is irrelevant. I know I'm right because I can read your mind" argument.


Actually, that's the opposite of what she said.

Behold my utter failure.

I will strike myself sharply across the face and leave the thread now.
 
2013-01-06 09:25:13 AM
This is nothing new.  Other than baby-sitters, child care didn't exist 30 years ago.
 
2013-01-06 09:28:23 AM
My daughter is with my mother Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. She's with my mother-in-law Tuesday and Thursday. They both would love to have her 5 days a week.

Since we don't have to pay for daycare, we're prepaying for my daughter's college. The grandparents are more than happy to help with that.
 
2013-01-06 09:28:49 AM
My mother watches my kids once or twice a week, but she says that it gives her a chance to get some peace and quiet away from my dad.
 
2013-01-06 09:30:18 AM
Whoever wrote this really picked a bad week to quit sniffing glue.
 
2013-01-06 09:31:35 AM
When my daughters were born my mother flipped the fark out when I said I was putting them in day care. No stranger was going to watch HER grandchildren!
 
2013-01-06 09:31:54 AM
My Father-In-Law has been known to push my Mother-In-Law out of the way in order to see my daughter right after we pull up. They both get a little twitchy if they don't see her for more than a couple of weeks

/Sadly, I will never trust my own parents alone with any of my offspring.
//If my mother and my MIL were both hanging off a cliff, I'd rescue my MIL first and then think real hard on whether I should help my mom or not.
 
2013-01-06 09:34:24 AM
Wow, fark you, article writer. Totally written from the perspective of a freelance, always home mother. "Why should grandparents watch children? Mine don't, I watch mine just fine."

Here in NJ, you're paying on average $2,000 for full time day care a month per kid. Even if my wife went full time again, her entire paycheck would vanish just to have the honor to not raise our son. The only way this works is with the grandmoms switching duties every week. We are just lucky my son has one aunt and uncle and they are not having kids.

And as many have said, it's a natural thing for grandparents to do this and to chomp at the bit to do so. My mother is pretty much clinically insane for my son. I wouldn't be surprised if I asked that she would pay me to let her watch him.
 
2013-01-06 09:37:38 AM

shoegaze99: Any grandparent who wouldn't jump at the chance to watch the grandkids is probably a bad grandparent.

And EvilEgg has it right. This is just what humans do. It's what we've always done. The POINT of a family is having this sort of support structure.

Dumb article is dumb.


Seconded.
 
2013-01-06 09:37:55 AM
fun fact: The drippings from a granmother's panties have percolated throught the day and brew up a fine senior tea. Next time you're at grandma's house, remember how much of herself goes into being a perfect host and a perfect cup of granny tea.
 
2013-01-06 09:39:40 AM

PirateFuzzball: My Father-In-Law has been known to push my Mother-In-Law out of the way in order to see my daughter right after we pull up. They both get a little twitchy if they don't see her for more than a couple of weeks

/Sadly, I will never trust my own parents alone with any of my offspring.
//If my mother and my MIL were both hanging off a cliff, I'd rescue my MIL first and then think real hard on whether I should help my mom or not.


Daaaaaaaaaaammmmnn....
 
2013-01-06 09:41:43 AM
My boomer parents dropped me and/or my younger siblings off at Grandma's every day from 1973 to around 1992. Those were some of the best times of my life...
 
2013-01-06 09:42:24 AM
(Every non-school workday, that is.)
 
2013-01-06 09:46:28 AM
As a grandparent who doesn't get to see the grandkids enough, and doesn't get to see one child because he's not 'blood', fark a lucky bastard grandparent who complains. Life is short. You'll get your nap later.

Kids can be inconvenient It happens with your kids, and with their kids. I didn't even think I wanted kids until I met the best girl and became insta-Dad.

But I remember spending time with my paternal grandfather. He made me feel like I was the coolest person in the world, even though I felt like I was disappointing everyone else. My grandkids will get as much of that as possible, for as long as possible.

They are brilliant. They are hilarious. He is handsome, and she is beautiful. I will never stop fighting for their best interests. I will never stop.
 
2013-01-06 09:46:50 AM

shoegaze99: Any grandparent who wouldn't jump at the chance to watch the grandkids is probably a bad grandparent.

And EvilEgg has it right. This is just what humans do. It's what we've always done. The POINT of a family is having this sort of support structure.

Dumb article is dumb.


Austrians, so what would you expect?
 
2013-01-06 09:47:19 AM
FTA : In the past, of course, hands-on grandparent contact was the norm. The generations worked together to raise the kids. Remember Hilary Clinton's famous slogan "it takes a village to raise a child"?


That's an African saying that she was simply repeating. She wasnt referring to family members like grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, etc. either. Us stupid Westerners already knew the value of those resources. She was talking up the importance of handing your kids over to the central village authority so they could be raised right.

Have a friend whose daughter definately expoits him for childcare (every day). She treats him more like a husband when he refuses to do day care due to scheduling reasons and at times it borders on the creapy.

He does it out of a sense of guilt though, mainly because he spent her entire childhood coked up out of his mind and is trying to now make amends.
 
2013-01-06 09:48:18 AM
I cannot imagine my mother's hurt if I even remotely suggested that I pay her for watching her own granddaughter. She refers to both of us as "her children," seeing no difference in having given life to me than to my daughter.

To suggest pay would have been to put her on the level of a paid servant, not family and would completely disrespect her as the matriarch of our family. I think she would have beat me with a stick and never spoken to me again.

I'm not saying that there are not situations where adult children should offer pay - especially depending on income level. I know for a fact that lower income families may set it up where a grandparent or other family becomes certified in childcare to qualify for funds for keeping a child daily. This makes sense, especially where they are watching multiple grandchildren and money is already tight. And more times than not, this money goes right back into the kids: diapers, extra snacks and basically the cost of running what amounts to a family daycare center.

But I am sure, even there, there are times when what grandma and grandpa do for their "babies" is out of sheer love, pay not required.
 
2013-01-06 09:49:07 AM

Spass_Taschen: Same grandparents that made their eldest children babysit their siblings for free?


Or worse. Their friends would come visiting and drag their young kids along. Guess who got volunteered to watch those kids for free?
 
2013-01-06 09:53:10 AM
I have a hard time believing that more and more boomers are calling it gran-sploitation and have a much easier time believing a journalist made it up just for this article because people love making up stupid words.
 
2013-01-06 09:55:52 AM
Silly writer, when grandparents want revenge they just load them up on sugar and caffeine and send them home.
 
2013-01-06 09:57:10 AM
Heh, both sets of grandparents and one great grandmother were chomping at the bit to take care of me when I was growing up. And then when the parents divorced and my mother decided it would be awkward for me to spend the day with my paternal grandparents my paternal grandmother showed up, told my mother to go off to work, took care of me and cleaned the house.

I was the only granddaughter on one side of the family, and the only grandchild anywhere near on the other. Free childcare is something that grandparents do.

Sadly I wouldn't dare leave any of my kids with my father, it just isn't safe.

/really wish mom were still alive, that would be awesome
//alas, there is none of that
 
2013-01-06 09:57:36 AM
TomD9938 2013-01-06 09:47:19 AM

FTA : In the past, of course, hands-on grandparent contact was the norm. The generations worked together to raise the kids. Remember Hilary Clinton's famous slogan "it takes a village to raise a child"?

That's an African saying that she was simply repeating. She wasnt referring to family members like grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, etc. either. Us stupid Westerners already knew the value of those resources. She was talking up the importance of handing your kids over to the central village authority so they could be raised right.


This is the most god-awful explanation of that saying I have ever heard and not even remotely what it means. It does NOT mean "handing your children over a central village authority to be raised right."

It means that all of our children belong to all of us. We all bear the responsibility for raising the children of our village whether that is your family, your neighborhood or all of America or the entire planet. Regardless of who the child's parents are, it takes the connectedness of an entire village (world) to educate, instill values, love and care into every single child.
 
2013-01-06 10:04:39 AM

Hermione_Granger: TomD9938 2013-01-06 09:47:19 AM

FTA : In the past, of course, hands-on grandparent contact was the norm. The generations worked together to raise the kids. Remember Hilary Clinton's famous slogan "it takes a village to raise a child"?

That's an African saying that she was simply repeating. She wasnt referring to family members like grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, etc. either. Us stupid Westerners already knew the value of those resources. She was talking up the importance of handing your kids over to the central village authority so they could be raised right.

This is the most god-awful explanation of that saying I have ever heard and not even remotely what it means. It does NOT mean "handing your children over a central village authority to be raised right."

It means that all of our children belong to all of us. We all bear the responsibility for raising the children of our village whether that is your family, your neighborhood or all of America or the entire planet. Regardless of who the child's parents are, it takes the connectedness of an entire village (world) to educate, instill values, love and care into every single child.


The author said, in no uncertain terms, that Hillary meant blood-family (grandparents) when she repeated that line.
 
2013-01-06 10:07:31 AM

Hermione_Granger: TomD9938 2013-01-06 09:47:19 AM

FTA : In the past, of course, hands-on grandparent contact was the norm. The generations worked together to raise the kids. Remember Hilary Clinton's famous slogan "it takes a village to raise a child"?

That's an African saying that she was simply repeating. She wasnt referring to family members like grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, etc. either. Us stupid Westerners already knew the value of those resources. She was talking up the importance of handing your kids over to the central village authority so they could be raised right.

This is the most god-awful explanation of that saying I have ever heard and not even remotely what it means. It does NOT mean "handing your children over a central village authority to be raised right."

It means that all of our children belong to all of us. We all bear the responsibility for raising the children of our village whether that is your family, your neighborhood or all of America or the entire planet. Regardless of who the child's parents are, it takes the connectedness of an entire village (world) to educate, instill values, love and care into every single child.


I always felt the phrase was referencing the influence a community has on a child's development. They learn by example, and not just the example of their bloodline. Everyone who doesn't assume some level of responsibility for the young ones of the community dooms themselves to live with the results when those children grow up. It may not be my direct responsibility to prevent your child from running from scissors. But They may choose to emulate how I treat an old coot, possibly when I'm an old coot.
 
2013-01-06 10:10:45 AM
Competing with Obvious tag. I'd thought it was pretty accepted in anthropological circles that grandparents aided humanity's development through such "free childcare." It allowed parents to procreate more, better ensuring our survival, as well as allowing a for a longer adolescence during which we might better learn our increasingly complex adaptive skills...
 
2013-01-06 10:15:48 AM

ReapTheChaos: This is nothing new.  Other than baby-sitters, child care didn't exist 30 years ago.


I honestly can't tell if you're joking.
 
2013-01-06 10:16:00 AM
This article is clearly missing the bigger problem. My kid expects me to watch over him and give him handouts like food and shelter and I get no monetary renumeration. This has been going on for years! Talk about parensploitation.
 
2013-01-06 10:19:05 AM
I guess these Boomers are getting so old that they are forgetting that their own grandparents helped raise them.
 
2013-01-06 10:20:30 AM
weasel-words.jpg

What a crock of shiat.
 
2013-01-06 10:23:57 AM
This article is crap. I couldn't stop my mom from watching my son if I tried. The only thing that makes it bearable is that she splits her attention between all the grandkids.
 
2013-01-06 10:24:30 AM
Posh...Ann Landers (or was it her sister) said nobody can exploit you like that without your consent.

My mother was a trip.   All while during the first "grandpregnancy" she was "Don't expect me to come over and baby sit.   I raised my kids."  yada yada.    That lasted about a week after the birth and then the grandma hormones kicked in and she begged to have time with the grandkids, offering to take them while the parents were busy, etc...
 
2013-01-06 10:27:32 AM
I think gran-sploitation is perfectly defined by my mother's best friend's daughter. She refuses to move out, because she has a toddler and it's just 'too expensive to get her own place and pay for everything herself.' So she stays living at her parents' home, expecting them to watch the baby whenever she goes to work, and every weekend when she goes out to party.

She doesn't pay rent, and asks for help with baby clothes and nappies and the like, because she (and the grandparents) want the best for the baby. But she somehow finds the money for nails, hair extensions, booze, new clothes, the bar, etc.

That is gran-sploitation to me. It's the difference between wanting to mind your grandchild because you want to spend time with them and to give your kids a break, versus being forced to raise the child, because your own offspring is an utter failure.
 
2013-01-06 10:28:27 AM
Author is obviously trolling.

/my daycare was an actual orphanage with actual orphans and nuns.
 
2013-01-06 10:31:29 AM
Anyone notice that the article author pretty much said grandparentsploitation was bullshiat, in her closing parapgraph?

/its like nobody reads the entire article!
//and on fark.com!
/someone will take me seriously on first slashy.
 
2013-01-06 10:36:18 AM
I'm a boomer, I have no problem watching my granddaughter when the need arises. I've even used some of my vacation days from work to watch her when neither my son-in-law or daughter could because of their work. Heck, I spend every Thursday from May to August chasing the kid around the bleachers at the softball field while they play softball. I don't think I'm being exploited. That's what families are for!
 
2013-01-06 10:40:17 AM

TomD9938: Hermione_Granger: TomD9938 2013-01-06 09:47:19 AM

FTA : In the past, of course, hands-on grandparent contact was the norm. The generations worked together to raise the kids. Remember Hilary Clinton's famous slogan "it takes a village to raise a child"?

That's an African saying that she was simply repeating. She wasnt referring to family members like grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, etc. either. Us stupid Westerners already knew the value of those resources. She was talking up the importance of handing your kids over to the central village authority so they could be raised right.

This is the most god-awful explanation of that saying I have ever heard and not even remotely what it means. It does NOT mean "handing your children over a central village authority to be raised right."

It means that all of our children belong to all of us. We all bear the responsibility for raising the children of our village whether that is your family, your neighborhood or all of America or the entire planet. Regardless of who the child's parents are, it takes the connectedness of an entire village (world) to educate, instill values, love and care into every single child.

The author said, in no uncertain terms, that Hillary meant blood-family (grandparents) when she repeated that line.


You made it through the whole article ??
 
2013-01-06 10:42:30 AM
Using grandparents to help raise the children is normal. My household is a RARE exception nowadays. My sister, my sister-in-law, my high school friends. Actually I can't think of a single person who doesn't regularly do this except my household. I plan on doing it for my kids when they're trying to make their way in the world.

We're reaching a point where our career clock is MUCH longer than our biological one. Making healthy, smart children is better done in the 20s (One of a bajillion citations) and getting through college and getting STARTED puts you well into your 30s.
 
2013-01-06 10:49:06 AM
Giving the kids to the grandparents for a day/weekend/whatever is good for everyone. Kids can have a fun time away from home, grandparents can enjoy the kids and you and the SO get some break time as well.

Giving the kids to the grandparents for months so you can murder people without the kids getting in the way is probably gran-sploitation though.

images2.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-01-06 10:50:04 AM
Shocked, SHOCKED I am, that this is coming from the boomer generation.

Paragons of responsibility and selflessness that they have always been.
 
2013-01-06 10:53:12 AM
What a bunch of delusional parents here. I love the "oh, my mother is beating down my door to watch my kids" Bullshiat. A day a week, maybe, but if you're dumping them off every day, that's farked up for both the parents and the kids. Grandparents enjoy visits, not changing diapers and having to discipline. If you can't have one parent home, then don't have kids, it's that simple. They're not pets.
 
2013-01-06 10:55:23 AM
DRTFA but Hispanic culture does this and it's key for saving money and preserving family values. selfish drugged up materialistic whiteys should take note,

this country is ghey now.
 
2013-01-06 10:59:45 AM
Had a scare last month and the first question out of my mother's mouth was "Are you two going to move back to Denver so Hunter can see his cousin every day?"

My nephew spends half of his waking life at the family house with my Parents and Grandmother. I spent half my waking life from the age of 12 to 17 watching my sisters. I wouldn't feel guilty in the least if the parents ended up caretaking for any spawn of mine until the child was old enough for kindergarten. Hell, they seem to be insistent.
 
2013-01-06 11:02:04 AM
My older sister lives with my parents, doesn't help with the bills or food, and assumes they'll take care of her 8-year-old son while she goes to her boyfriend's house after work to play WoW until midnight. She's convinced my nephew that my grandparents aren't allowed to discipline him and that they're the bad guys who destroyed her childhood, so he should generally ignore anything they say. My parents aren't happy about the situation, but they love my nephew too much to kick my sister out. She's knows full well they're stuck with her if they want to see my nephew at all, so they deal with it.

With normal people, I'm sure the grandparents-as-free-childcare isn't a bad thing. With grown adults who still act like they're in middle school, it puts them in a really shiatty position.
 
2013-01-06 11:13:14 AM

GirlScoutSniper: ReapTheChaos: This is nothing new.  Other than baby-sitters, child care didn't exist 30 years ago.

I honestly can't tell if you're joking.


Going by the name I have to go with :"subtle troll".

/mainly because the other answers are too depressing
 
2013-01-06 11:13:45 AM
We take our grandaughter for a night every week. How else do I get to teach her how to grill a perfect steak and cheer for the Seahawks?
 
2013-01-06 11:15:46 AM

Arthur Prefect: I think gran-sploitation is perfectly defined by my mother's best friend's daughter. She refuses to move out, because she has a toddler and it's just 'too expensive to get her own place and pay for everything herself.' So she stays living at her parents' home, expecting them to watch the baby whenever she goes to work, and every weekend when she goes out to party.

She doesn't pay rent, and asks for help with baby clothes and nappies and the like, because she (and the grandparents) want the best for the baby. But she somehow finds the money for nails, hair extensions, booze, new clothes, the bar, etc.

That is gran-sploitation to me. It's the difference between wanting to mind your grandchild because you want to spend time with them and to give your kids a break, versus being forced to raise the child, because your own offspring is an utter failure.


I solved that problem by getting legal custody (and eventually adoption) of my grandchild and threw out my daughter.
 
2013-01-06 11:19:02 AM

Spass_Taschen: Same grandparents that made their eldest children babysit their siblings for free?


This!

And a good grandparent does their share in helping out the family and keeping their genetic line going. Any grandparent who complains about it doesn't deserve to have grandkids.
 
2013-01-06 11:27:25 AM
Gramma:

I solved that problem by getting legal custody (and eventually adoption) of my grandchild and threw out my daughter.


That would be the ideal solution, but they created the monster and don't seem to be willing to help fix her. Her brother also still lives at home (26 years old), and has recently decided that he doesn't want to pay his visa bills any more. Or parking tickets. Naturally, he doesn't pay rent either.

They love the grandchild, but keep wondering why their children don't want to leave. If the kids can take that much advantage of their parents, why would they?

Sounds like you made the right and tough choice. :)
 
2013-01-06 11:31:23 AM
Oh shut up.
 
2013-01-06 11:37:01 AM

Arthur Prefect: Gramma:

I solved that problem by getting legal custody (and eventually adoption) of my grandchild and threw out my daughter.


That would be the ideal solution, but they created the monster and don't seem to be willing to help fix her. Her brother also still lives at home (26 years old), and has recently decided that he doesn't want to pay his visa bills any more. Or parking tickets. Naturally, he doesn't pay rent either.

They love the grandchild, but keep wondering why their children don't want to leave. If the kids can take that much advantage of their parents, why would they?

Sounds like you made the right and tough choice. :)


I wonder if this is always entirely the parents fault. If it does " take a village", maybe the village should take some of the responsibility, too.
 
2013-01-06 11:47:02 AM
My sister went the "move back home and let the grands raise my kid" route, so much so, that when our kids showed up, the grandparents were simply too worn out to do much for us. We've always been too broke to afford much daycare or babysitting, but when my grandkids show up, the adults will not be allowed in the house. Grandbabies yummy, grown ups need to leave and go provide. To this end, we are planning to downsize, and have already started getting rid of adult sized bedroom furniture in the guest room. Bunk beds and bean bag chairs only, terribly uncomfortable and very effective.
 
2013-01-06 11:51:41 AM

Arthur Prefect: I think gran-sploitation is perfectly defined by my mother's best friend's daughter. She refuses to move out, because she has a toddler and it's just 'too expensive to get her own place and pay for everything herself.' So she stays living at her parents' home, expecting them to watch the baby whenever she goes to work, and every weekend when she goes out to party.

She doesn't pay rent, and asks for help with baby clothes and nappies and the like, because she (and the grandparents) want the best for the baby. But she somehow finds the money for nails, hair extensions, booze, new clothes, the bar, etc.

That is gran-sploitation to me. It's the difference between wanting to mind your grandchild because you want to spend time with them and to give your kids a break, versus being forced to raise the child, because your own offspring is an utter failure.


Agreed.
 
2013-01-06 12:03:23 PM

shabu: As a grandparent who doesn't get to see the grandkids enough, and doesn't get to see one child because he's not 'blood', fark a lucky bastard grandparent who complains. Life is short. You'll get your nap later.

Kids can be inconvenient It happens with your kids, and with their kids. I didn't even think I wanted kids until I met the best girl and became insta-Dad.

But I remember spending time with my paternal grandfather. He made me feel like I was the coolest person in the world, even though I felt like I was disappointing everyone else. My grandkids will get as much of that as possible, for as long as possible.

They are brilliant. They are hilarious. He is handsome, and she is beautiful. I will never stop fighting for their best interests. I will never stop.


You, sir, are a mensch, and I tip my hat to you. You got it right.
 
2013-01-06 12:10:36 PM
Is the "silly" tag for the parents that do this or is it an indication that the poster see's this as a non-issue (as in --of course grandparents love to watch the grandkids).

So far I have never dumped my kids on my parents and dont plan to ever do so. They already completed all the work associated with that portion of their life. They did their time so to speak. Outside of a really clear request from them to watch the kids one day it would be very selfish of me, or any other parent in a similar position, to take advantage of their proximity and/or relationship to the grandkids in order to save a few bucks and burden them with a task that they would have a very difficult time managing at this point.
 
2013-01-06 12:12:34 PM
No, they really don't want to watch your kids.
 
2013-01-06 12:14:53 PM

hbk72777: What a bunch of delusional parents here. I love the "oh, my mother is beating down my door to watch my kids" Bullshiat. A day a week, maybe, but if you're dumping them off every day, that's farked up for both the parents and the kids. Grandparents enjoy visits, not changing diapers and having to discipline. If you can't have one parent home, then don't have kids, it's that simple. They're not pets.


At the risk of being sooo 2012:

THIS!!!
 
2013-01-06 12:17:18 PM

ReapTheChaos: This is nothing new.  Other than baby-sitters, child care didn't exist 30 years ago.


the sooner we get back to extended families and multi-generation under one roof the sooner this country will get out of the sewer. i learned this from watching The Waltons and listening to Hillary parroting "it takes a village to raise a child".

in my old age i've heard about several couples who use their children as threats to parents, as in do this do that or you don't get to see the cutie pies. farking sad pieces of crap.
 
2013-01-06 12:21:15 PM
Meanwhile, on the other side of the coin ...

www.global-air.com

When you help your children and babysit the grandkids, suddenly having to care for your parents isn't what you anticipated when you are a senior citizen yourself. (new window)
 
2013-01-06 12:21:25 PM

hbk72777: What a bunch of delusional parents here. I love the "oh, my mother is beating down my door to watch my kids" Bullshiat. A day a week, maybe, but if you're dumping them off every day, that's farked up for both the parents and the kids. Grandparents enjoy visits, not changing diapers and having to discipline. If you can't have one parent home, then don't have kids, it's that simple. They're not pets.


Who are you scolding, exactly? I don't see a single person here suggesting that grandparents should watch the grandkids every day and that using grandparents as replacement parents is okay. Not a single person. The only people who are bringing up situations like that are bringing them up negatively, as in, "My Soandso does this and it's awful." And no one is disagreeing with them. Quite the opposite.

Whoever it is you're raging to, they're not in this thread.
 
2013-01-06 12:25:47 PM
Your children's grandparents are busy teaching them all the ways that you used to annoy the crap out of them when you were kids. Enjoy your free childcare!

/likewise, they're happy to do it for free because they imagine you caring for them in their old ages instead of shuffling them off to a home
 
2013-01-06 12:48:14 PM
Yeah... I wouldn't leave any children alone with my parents unsupervised. Have them babysit? Only if I wanted to pay for years of therapy afterwards.

/my parents never should have had children
//only people I know who've had other people (friends, family, etc.) tell them so. Openly.
 
2013-01-06 12:56:39 PM
I would rather be with my grand-daughter(actually step-grand-daughter) than nearly any other person I know. She's a great kid who'll turn 3 in March. I get more joy from her than I do any other thing in my life right now. She's beautiful, she's smart( knows her ABC's and can count to 10 already), and she reminds me of her mom when me and her mother were still together. I have her with me as often as possible and would be happy to see her even more than I do. And yes, I would gladly pay to watch her if I had to.
 
2013-01-06 02:23:18 PM
People who have the grands to help watch the kids have a huge advantage over people who don't have grandparents to do this, especially since so many people are divorced. There is nothing wrong with using your parents if they want to help out.

OTOH, my cousin used to have a lot of foster kids. One she had for a few years, and the girl had no sooner turned 18 and moved out than she got pregnant. Guess who watches her kid all the time, even though she has a full-time job? And not even on an organized schedule--the girl shows up, and if my cousin is home, she just drops the kid off with no explanation or anything. That shiat would not fly at my house, I don't care if the girl is neglecting her baby (and apparently she is). But that's the kind of stuff you can expect from people who were raised in the foster care system. Sometimes they're a little broken.
 
2013-01-06 02:32:27 PM
Oh yeah, my mom just farking hates getting time with her grandkids.

Morans.

/dnrtfa
 
2013-01-06 02:52:53 PM

Ow My Balls: (Every non-school workday, that is.)


That's because your parents had an appetite for parenting, but lacked the ability.

My sister in law sends her kids to her mother's house five days a week because she has to work. Monday through Friday night the kids go to her house to sleep, then they're right back at Grandma's in the morning. Then Saturday and Sunday the kids are at Grandma's house for 48 hours because my SiL has to go to the bar or club and unwind, and she and her husband both like to go hunting or fishing every Saturday and Sunday. My MiL wanted us to go to dinner with her on NYE and showed up with both kids. Where's your daughter? Oh, she's at a party 100 miles away. Maybe I'm crazy, but I think a 30 year old married couple with two kids MIGHT have to occasionally miss the odd party now and then.

I have literally heard my mother in law call her daughter and ask her if she could PLEASE "babysit" her own children if she gave her two weeks' notice.

/of course my wife and I offended her by saying it wouldn't be like that for us
//regrettably can't afford kids
///can't get the money together before it's too late
 
2013-01-06 02:54:39 PM
As a grandparent of nine, ranging in ages from 18 to 9 months, this is the stupidest article I've ever read.

I LOVE babysitting my grandkids even though it takes a lot of patience and stamina. It's the highlight of my week.

If you're not like me and don't want to...don't. Just say no. Making an issue out of this is plain stupid.
 
2013-01-06 03:09:34 PM
As a grandfather of 3, all I can say is BWAAHAHAHAHAHA. Please.

We get twitchy if we don't see the grands more than once a week. Saw the 2.5 year old last night, going over to see the 3 year old and the 8 month old this afternoon.
 
2013-01-06 03:25:35 PM

Arthur Prefect: I think gran-sploitation is perfectly defined by my mother's best friend's daughter. She refuses to move out, because she has a toddler and it's just 'too expensive to get her own place and pay for everything herself.' So she stays living at her parents' home, expecting them to watch the baby whenever she goes to work, and every weekend when she goes out to party.

She doesn't pay rent, and asks for help with baby clothes and nappies and the like, because she (and the grandparents) want the best for the baby. But she somehow finds the money for nails, hair extensions, booze, new clothes, the bar, etc.

That is gran-sploitation to me. It's the difference between wanting to mind your grandchild because you want to spend time with them and to give your kids a break, versus being forced to raise the child, because your own offspring is an utter failure.


This. My best friend, that I've known since I was 3, exploits her mother. She's a single mom to a 3-year-old, a flight attendant, weird hours, always has perfect clothes, hair, etc. She'll be 40 this year. She does everything she possibly can to not connect with her son. She wants her sister (who lives next door) to take care of whatever her mom won't do. She's only out for herself. There's a lot of people like this. Some of these people become parents and then gran-sploitation happens.
/end rant
 
2013-01-06 03:50:49 PM
How about uncle-splotation?  I was constantly being asked to watch my sister's kids.  I got my revenge.  I gave belching lessons.  My niece was a natural.  She can let loose with a wall shaking belch that makes me proud.
 
2013-01-06 04:02:37 PM
Yes we're exploiting you. It's paybacks for using us as slave labor for 18 years. If you biatch about it we'll find you a death home instead of a nursing home.
 
2013-01-06 07:37:37 PM
My son met a woman with an inafnt daughter. He welcomed them into his home and they became a part of our family. The little girl had only recently started calling me "Grandpa". Now it's two years down the road, and the woman has left my son. I can do without her, but I miss my granddaughter. I'd give my left arm to hold her with my right. Babysitting was never a burden.
 
2013-01-06 08:03:15 PM
If you don't feel an obligation toward your own blood relatives, and them to you, then the sort of relationship you have is not called "family." Maybe your mom/daughter should be better referred to as "acquaintance."
 
2013-01-07 06:40:58 AM

Arthur Prefect: Gramma:

I solved that problem by getting legal custody (and eventually adoption) of my grandchild and threw out my daughter.


That would be the ideal solution, but they created the monster and don't seem to be willing to help fix her. Her brother also still lives at home (26 years old), and has recently decided that he doesn't want to pay his visa bills any more. Or parking tickets. Naturally, he doesn't pay rent either.

They love the grandchild, but keep wondering why their children don't want to leave. If the kids can take that much advantage of their parents, why would they?

Sounds like you made the right and tough choice. :)



That is just it. If your offspring are what you'd consider an utter failure and treat you badly or exploit you, whose fault is that? You are the one who brought them up and instilled the values they have, or don't have, into them. If you make living at home in their adulthood so lovely, then you have to at least be pleased to know they are smart enough to take advantage of the offer.

Also any parent that has ever made any comment along the lines of "why haven't you provided me with grandchildren yet" voids any right to decline babysitting.
 
2013-01-07 12:45:37 PM
Grandparents are great for a fallback babysitting position, especially when your prime, favorite babysitter gets a job/boyfriend/pregnant/arrested for robbing you (long story, that last one) and doesn't want to babysit anymore. Ranging from $7-10/hour for two well-behaved boys, you can save a bit with the grandparents.

What you can't put a pricetag on is the level of deprogramming that must commence for the 24-36 hours once mom and dad pick them up. Even when giving grandma and grandpa a detailed list of what they can't eat and what amounts they can't (My oldest has ADHD, and coming from a family of overweight people, we severely limit their junk food/sugar intake, and definitely no caffeine), they pleasantly ignore it and pull the grand-clause because the rules don't apply. I assured them once that the fact the boys were wide awake until 11:30pm after getting "drinks" of Pepsi at 4pm was purely coincidental. The other thing I realized when my kids were born is that my parents somehow forgot how to care for infants, even after having two of them 30-40 years ago. It's not like they began putting computers in them after 1995...

This creates the cycle where the boys are happy as pigs in shiat to go there for days at a time - since there are no specific 'rules' - while I have to piss off my folks afterward, chewing them out for giving my oldest so much ice cream that he has the shiats for 24 hours. You have to pick your battles as with anything, but as other posters have indicated, my folks would gladly step over each other and drive 3-5 hours each way to get the grandkids for a weekend.

My dad survived cancer 4 times, in what I believe was a significant mental goal to live long enough to see his grandkids grow up, so I will never, ever discourage the boys visiting with him. Nevertheless, as Cosby said before, my kids fail to realize that the man they know as pee-paw is NOT the man who raised me. Forget "uphill, both ways," and think "The Four Yorkshiremen."
 
2013-01-07 03:55:45 PM

Krymson Tyde: [i232.photobucket.com image 300x230]

Yeah, I'm old...what of it?
I'd change the sign if I weren't on my phone.


I haven't even thought about Dr Jack Badowski for 20-25 years. You sir win one ...whatever there was before the internet.
 
2013-01-07 04:52:47 PM
I feel like the only parent here who does NOT think my parents (or my husband's parents) exist for us to use as free child care. Yes, we have a child. Yes, we love her dearly. Yes, we put her in playschool/daycare during the day while we are both at work. And you know what - we're all the better for it. My daughter is learning the social skills and the budding world of colors and numbers (taught by those trained much better than I, or our parents, on how to do so) while my husband and I get to go to work and see other adults and utilize our own set of skills. We are lucky that we can afford to send her to school. I spent 15 months as a stay-at-home mom when she was first born, and both she and I heaved a sigh of relief when we weren't around each other 24/7 anymore. I find the biggest sting is other people telling me what a horrid parent I am because I don't want to be glued to my kid's side 24/7. We happily put her in playschool. Get over it. Just by watching my daughter interact with her friends who DON'T go to daycare (and are instead raised by grandparents while the parents work, or by a stay at home parent) I can easily see how much better my daughter's social skills and development are. It reinforces to us how good of a decision it was to put her into a playschool. Even if I had the luxury of living close to either set of grandparents, I would NEVER assume they would just happily watch my kid during the week, and I wouldn't want them to. Visits for fun on the weekend, or outings - sure - but as babysitters? HELL NO. They did their job raising me, now they get the fun of just spoiling their grandbaby during visits, not slaving over my kid every day. One of the things my husband and I waited for before having kids was making sure we earned enough money to support them, and that included child care.
 
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