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(Daily Mail)   The flu tsunami has hit America. Open your mouth wide for the doctor and see if you're infected. If you were not vaccinated... well then, Buh bye   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 50
    More: Scary, American Public Health Association, Children's Hospital Boston, sore throats, myalgias, Harvard Medical School, flu, NBC News, infections  
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20010 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Jan 2013 at 7:22 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2013-01-05 07:25:34 PM
12 votes:

AlwaysRightBoy: I hoping to catch the Norovirus  that's coming over from Europe.


I got Norovirus two years ago when it was going around Northern Virginia.  It's an illness so insidious I simultaneously threw up and shiat my pants in a Metro station and I had to be carried out on a gurney.

It is terrifying to be so sick you can't prevent yourself from shiatting your pants.  I prided myself up until that point that in my entire adult life, I had never vomited where I didn't want to, and I had never shiat my pants.  Then in one terrifying day, both records were shattered.  I felt fine in the morning and I was in the hospital that night.

I'd also like to eternally thank the group of teenagers who took pictures of me collapsed on the floor of the metro station, covered in puke, while helpfully pointing out "Dawg shiat himself!  Got shiat all over!"  That was helpful.  I really appreciate it.
2013-01-05 05:42:37 PM
9 votes:
Since I have a Mac, I shouldn't get the Virus.

/Thank you almighty Steve Jobs
2013-01-05 07:45:37 PM
4 votes:
Baby can you dig your man?
2013-01-05 06:17:32 PM
4 votes:
I'm keeping my gun nearby at all times. If that damn flu comes anywhere near me I'm gonna shoot it.
2013-01-05 09:16:11 PM
3 votes:

Lsherm: BronyMedic: Lsherm: I'd also like to eternally thank the group of teenagers who took pictures of me collapsed on the floor of the metro station, covered in puke,  while helpfully pointing out "Dawg shiat himself!  Got shiat all over!"  That was helpful.  I really appreciate it.

To be fair, the Paramedics did the same thing after they dropped you off.

Oh God, I apologized so much on the trip to the hospital.  It didn't help that I couldn't stop throwing up in the ambulance, either.  I did manage to hold in the rest of my shiat (literally) during the ride, but just barely.  One of the paramedics was really hot, too.  All I could think was "this entire ambulance smells like shiat and vomit.  That girl is hot.  I'm gonna puke again."

I was so deliriously sick I tried to be quiet while I was puking and I thought maybe she would notice how quiet I was being.  Like that was impressive.

Then when I got to the hospital they insisted on having an orderly give me a sponge bath instead of letting me take a shower for seventeen hours like I wanted to.  Honestly, if I had a gun on me at the time, I would have shot myself in the head.  It was by far the most humiliating experience of my life.


9/10 internet LULZ.
The mental image of you trying to mantain a shred of dignity and run a little bit of game on the medic during the shiattypukey joyride is classic.
/ In her mind she is contemplating sliding her digits into your butt mud saturated pocket. Thinking the whole time "He pukes hott!"
2013-01-05 08:39:11 PM
3 votes:

BronyMedic: Lsherm: I'd also like to eternally thank the group of teenagers who took pictures of me collapsed on the floor of the metro station, covered in puke,  while helpfully pointing out "Dawg shiat himself!  Got shiat all over!"  That was helpful.  I really appreciate it.

To be fair, the Paramedics did the same thing after they dropped you off.


Oh God, I apologized so much on the trip to the hospital.  It didn't help that I couldn't stop throwing up in the ambulance, either.  I did manage to hold in the rest of my shiat (literally) during the ride, but just barely.  One of the paramedics was really hot, too.  All I could think was "this entire ambulance smells like shiat and vomit.  That girl is hot.  I'm gonna puke again."

I was so deliriously sick I tried to be quiet while I was puking and I thought maybe she would notice how quiet I was being.  Like that was impressive.

Then when I got to the hospital they insisted on having an orderly give me a sponge bath instead of letting me take a shower for seventeen hours like I wanted to.  Honestly, if I had a gun on me at the time, I would have shot myself in the head.  It was by far the most humiliating experience of my life.
2013-01-05 07:52:52 PM
3 votes:

St_Francis_P: Meh. I'm kicking it old-school, using my immune system. Hasn't failed yet.


I figure like most farkers I'm safe since I never leave my subterranean quarters between thanksgiving and the melt.
2013-01-05 07:52:33 PM
3 votes:

swahnhennessy: Not sure if it's the flu, per se, but I've had something on me for a few weeks now. Body aches and massive fatigue, ear infection, lungs feel like they're working at half capacity. No fever to speak of or any outward signs of illness, save for the occasional sneeze. Whatever it is, I wish it'd go away. I'd almost rather be bed-ridden than suffer so long from this sort of vague malaise.


Sounds like full blown AIDS.
2013-01-05 07:47:19 PM
3 votes:
I can't wait to go all trash can man on this joint.
2013-01-05 07:36:07 PM
3 votes:

MorrisBird: Are there no editors?  Are there no proofreaders?  I despair.


They all have the flu...
2013-01-05 07:15:56 PM
3 votes:
I am vaccinated by God through the power of prayer.
2013-01-05 05:05:38 PM
3 votes:
Flunami 2013!
2013-01-06 07:39:22 AM
2 votes:

p the boiler: Sorry if laughing at your pain makes me smile, but damn it is funny.


It's the funny that makes it tolerable, even two years on.  If I couldn't laugh at it I wouldn't have told the story in the first place.

When my wife got to the hospital with "replacement clothes" she wanted to know what the medical staff did with the cashmere sweater I was wearing, since it was her Christmas present to me.  By the time she got there my clothes were long gone as they were covered in either shiat or vomit, or both.  They had been discarded by the paramedics or the ER staff for good reason.  I was out of it for the next 20 hours, but when I got back to reality my nurse suggested that I tell my wife the sweater was "irreparably damaged" when they put me in the ambulance.

Translation:  there was so much shiat and vomit on it that it wasn't worth saving.  To this day, my wife doesn't understand how you can manage to get shiat on your shirt.  I hope she never has to learn the hard way.

I was only in the hospital for two days, but I heard "the metro guy" four times while I was in.  Truly a humbling experience.
2013-01-05 08:43:41 PM
2 votes:

Abox: I got the vaccine and it hasn't affected me. Oh crap I just dropped 117 toothpicks.


Clearly a vaccine related side effect - flu shot probibly gave you Assburgers or something Autistic. Rush off to VAERS and make a report so your lawyer can sue for you.
2013-01-05 08:20:13 PM
2 votes:

Britney Spear's Speculum: We need to name flu pandemics like we do hurricanes and tropical storms.

I'll with the first 6 ironically named after my ex girlfriends: Alicia, Jill, Pamela, Patricia, Claire, Pamela.


t1.gstatic.com

I think we've all known Jill
2013-01-05 07:41:13 PM
2 votes:
He's coming for you, Larry. The Man With No Face!
2013-01-05 07:39:23 PM
2 votes:

Rockstone: We should ban viruses. They do nothing good for us.

/Am I doing it right?


Actually, the correct answer is "more guns" because the less people alive, the less likely you are to become infected.
2013-01-05 07:36:02 PM
2 votes:
I AM THE MEDIA AND I REQUIRE FEARMONGERING FOR MORE VIEWS ALSO DID I MENTION SWINE FLU EPIDEMIC YOU ALL DIED FROM THAT REMEMBER
2013-01-05 03:30:39 PM
2 votes:

verbal_jizm: St_Francis_P: Meh. I'm kicking it old-school, using my immune system. Hasn't failed yet.

I'm using my immune system as well. It just happens to have been educated to look for this years most likely strains.


Mine is uneducated, but effective in its barbaric way.
2013-01-06 12:06:31 PM
1 votes:
I got this year's flu shot. I work in a hospital.
My wife got the flu. I did not. We shared drinks and food while she was sick.

Yes, I got sick for two days after getting the shot, though.
Diarrhea, aching joints, headache.
But only two days. I attributed it to the vaccine because the area where I got the shot hurt first and spread.

Two days versus two weeks?
I'll take the two days. By all means, state your 'I think this and that but the flu vaccine doesn't work.'
I'll take the vaccine. Most places it's free, too. So what's your excuse?

The flu has different strains. The strains mutate. You can get one vaccine and still get the flu. That's because there's different strains of flu, like I just said. To be fair to say that 1/4th of those that got the shot doesn't mean the shot is ineffective or only works a three quarters of the time. There's so many flu mutations out there. They pretty much best guess which vaccine they use. Did those that got the flu, test the strain in a lab to see which strain they got, compared to the vaccine they got?
Derp derp. Logic hurts.

SO YES.
With a bit of luck the flu vaccine does work.
By no means does it mean 1/4th the people who get the vaccine end up getting sick anyway. If you get the shot then get sick, it does not reflect the effectiveness of the flu vaccine.

It could be a different different strain.
So settle down. This is science. Get your shot.
2013-01-06 06:01:15 AM
1 votes:
Flu shots haven't been any good since Season 8.
2013-01-05 10:46:47 PM
1 votes:
I just started feeling a little bad around noon today. Am i going to die?
2013-01-05 10:40:23 PM
1 votes:
A second flu tsunami has just hit America!
2013-01-05 10:31:03 PM
1 votes:

Occam's Disposable Razor: My list of "anti-vaccine moran/trolls" who show up in red is certainly seeing an increased prevalence...


www.fda.gov
Worship at the altar
2013-01-05 09:12:39 PM
1 votes:
I thought all you had to do was yell "Shoo! Shoo! Retarded flu!" at it?
2013-01-05 09:09:54 PM
1 votes:

BronyMedic: Abox: I got the vaccine and it hasn't affected me. Oh crap I just dropped 117 toothpicks.

Clearly a vaccine related side effect - flu shot probibly gave you Assburgers or something Autistic. Rush off to VAERS and make a report so your lawyer can sue for you.



LOL!

Vaccine makers are legally immune to lawsuits.

So no matter how many get sick and/or suffer bad reactions, at least SOMEONE will have immunity, right?
2013-01-05 09:08:59 PM
1 votes:
M-o-o-n that spells flu
2013-01-05 08:47:51 PM
1 votes:

Lt_Ryan: Media fear mongering and/or attempt to increase viewers. I didn't get a flu vaccine last year (or any year as an adult), took no less than 30 flights between January and March of last year and if you would believe what the media says I should have been in the hospital with the Flu, TB, Noro, Autism, and at least a dozen forms of Cancer.


I got a flu shot this year, and when I got home I farked my wife.

Flu shots clearly cause you to get laid as a side effect, going by that logic.
2013-01-05 08:38:59 PM
1 votes:
Damn, it's like this thing's gone viral...

/got nothin'
//hoping it stays that way
2013-01-05 08:26:59 PM
1 votes:

Lsherm: I'd also like to eternally thank the group of teenagers who took pictures of me collapsed on the floor of the metro station, covered in puke,  while helpfully pointing out "Dawg shiat himself!  Got shiat all over!"  That was helpful.  I really appreciate it.


To be fair, the Paramedics did the same thing after they dropped you off.
2013-01-05 08:10:21 PM
1 votes:

Richard C Stanford: I got my flu shot so that means...
I SHALL RULE THIS POST-APOCALYPTIC WASTELAND!


So did I. ( I guess I'll see you in Vegas, then.)
2013-01-05 08:03:22 PM
1 votes:
I shot my wife and she didn't get it.
2013-01-05 08:01:50 PM
1 votes:

Silly Jesus: Sounds like full blown AIDS.


assjuice: Or at least 2/3 blown AIDS


Thank god. I just assumed it was Ebola.
2013-01-05 08:00:28 PM
1 votes:

LlamaGirl: I can't wait to go all trash can man on this joint.


Beware the walkin dude.
2013-01-05 07:56:43 PM
1 votes:

Or at least 2/3 blown AIDS


For the rest of us, please stop blowing AIDS all over the place. Nobody likes to see that crap in public, man.
2013-01-05 07:51:06 PM
1 votes:
I'm just going to use that homeopathic remedy that Jude Law says cried him.
2013-01-05 07:49:38 PM
1 votes:

Felgraf: Is it a gluten alergy, or Celiacs?


No, celiacs is real.
2013-01-05 07:42:48 PM
1 votes:
"I got vaccinated once, but I still got a cold. VACCINES DO NOT WORK!!"

That's what I'm hearing from my genius acquaintances.

/ The ones who also discovered their severe "gluten allergy" at age 40
2013-01-05 07:39:46 PM
1 votes:
About 127 million doses of flu vaccine have been distributed this year from the 15 million doses produced for this season.

Maths.
2013-01-05 07:37:34 PM
1 votes:

A Shambling Mound: I work directly with the public. I handle objects handed to me by the unwashed masses and share close quarters with at least a dozen strangers every day. I only get the flu or a cold once every couple years but I will be pleased if I make it through this flu season without breaking my current streak.


Do strippers have good healthcare plans?
2013-01-05 07:36:53 PM
1 votes:
I try to avoid Autism, so HELL NO to the vaccine.

You guys all are probably already Ass-burgers so it won't matter.
2013-01-05 07:36:36 PM
1 votes:

RedPhoenix122: I am vaccinated by God through the power of prayer.

2013-01-05 07:34:44 PM
1 votes:
We need to name flu pandemics like we do hurricanes and tropical storms.

I'll with the first 6 ironically named after my ex girlfriends: Alicia, Jill, Pamela, Patricia, Claire, Pamela.
2013-01-05 07:32:40 PM
1 votes:
Gesundheit.

i249.photobucket.com
2013-01-05 04:45:38 PM
1 votes:

Sgygus: Influenza turned my vaccinated fever-cooked spouse into a zombie.  She couldn't even remember her own name.  (She couldn't walk either, so my brains were spared.)

/got better
//this time


So she didn't marry you for your brains?
2013-01-05 04:38:24 PM
1 votes:
Influenza turned my vaccinated fever-cooked spouse into a zombie.  She couldn't even remember her own name.  (She couldn't walk either, so my brains were spared.)

/got better
//this time
2013-01-05 03:58:01 PM
1 votes:

Mentat: Already got it, survived.


Sure you did. Just have a hankering for brains now, otherwise doing just fine.
2013-01-05 03:33:37 PM
1 votes:
I hoping to catch the Norovirus  that's coming over from Europe. You see I'm catching a ship in NYC that was just over there for a cruise.
/hoping for good times
2013-01-05 03:24:55 PM
1 votes:

St_Francis_P: Meh. I'm kicking it old-school, using my immune system. Hasn't failed yet.


I'm using my immune system as well. It just happens to have been educated to look for this years most likely strains.
2013-01-05 03:08:54 PM
1 votes:
Meh. I'm kicking it old-school, using my immune system. Hasn't failed yet.
 
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