"Ya know what I REALLY love?! When the fairytale ends...because I'd have album material!"

I might be inclined to believe that she really is this naive little girl who believes in fairy tales if the song she wrote after breaking up with Jake Gyllenhaal wasn't so precisely written to best help disprove the gay rumors. She enters into mutually beneficial relationships with these guys for reasons that have nothing to do with true love and romance. Even the Kennedy kid was probably about using a smitten high schooler to live out her Kennedy fantasies.

She needs to hook up with Snoop Dog

What about the Black Forest land where everyone gets all their ham?

I can't decide if she's hot or not. The eyes are weird. I like the 50s pinup thing, though honestly she's curved like a 2x4.

there's so such thing as love. only rape

"Ooh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the Magical Man from Happy-Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane Gumdrop Mountain!"

I used to like her a few years ago, back when I thought maybe she was a sweet girl writing simple emotional songs. Then I found out she's a stuck up vindictive typical Hollywood whore and the sweet country good girl thing is just an image. Of course I should have known this the whole time; no one gets famous without a meticulously groomed public image. But still, I liked her while the fantasy lasted.

Yes, but does Taylor Swift fake orgasms, or are they real? Inquiring minds want to know...

Sparkily vampires suspiciously absent.

I have a feeling she is halfway afraid of penis. Not saying she is a lesbo, just probably a dead fish.

That said, I'd still disappoint her

Serially-infatuated youngster has trouble acknowledging reality? You don't say.

I'd gumdrop on her mountains.

taurusowner: But still, I liked her while the fantasy lasted.

Who cares what she's like in person. Her music is so insipid it makes John Meyer look like Paganini.

One evening as the sun went down
And the jungle fires were burning,
Down the track came a hobo hiking,
And he said, "Boys, I'm not turning
I'm headed for a land that's far away
Besides the crystal fountains
So come with me, we'll go and see
The Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains,
There's a land that's fair and bright,
Where the handouts grow on bushes
And you sleep out every night.
Where the boxcars all are empty
And the sun shines every day
And the birds and the bees
And the cigarette trees
The lemonade springs
Where the bluebird sings
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains.

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
All the cops have wooden legs
And the bulldogs all have rubber teeth
And the hens lay soft-boiled eggs
The farmers' trees are full of fruit
And the barns are full of hay
Oh I'm bound to go
Where there ain't no snow
Where the rain don't fall
The winds don't blow
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains.

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
You never change your socks
And the little streams of alcohol
Come trickling down the rocks
The brakemen have to tip their hats
And the railway bulls are blind
There's a lake of stew
And of whiskey too
You can paddle all around it
In a big canoe
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains,
The jails are made of tin.
And you can walk right out again,
As soon as you are in.
There ain't no short-handled shovels,
No axes, saws nor picks,
I'm bound to stay
Where you sleep all day,
Where they hung the jerk
That invented work
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains.
....
I'll see you all this coming fall
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

H31N0US: taurusowner: But still, I liked her while the fantasy lasted.

Who cares what she's like in person. Her music is so insipid it makes John Meyer look like Paganini.

Actually who cares about her music? Her value is in her ass.

As far as I know she is a cute 20-something without a drug or booze problem who is serial dating decent guys without getting pregnant.

Too bad her music is boring.

/ She will of course be devastated by my review

iron_city_ap: I have a feeling she is halfway afraid of penis. Not saying she is a lesbo, just probably a dead fish.

Nah, don't forget, she banged John Mayer. She's just doing these fairy tale, little girl romances because it sells, but "nice girls" don't bang dirty boys like John Mayer unless they're not so nice.

I farked her.

All is well.

She strikes me as the kind of gal that would give precise instructions the whole time you're farking.

rynthetyn: I might be inclined to believe that she really is this naive little girl who believes in fairy tales if the song she wrote after breaking up with Jake Gyllenhaal wasn't so precisely written to best help disprove the gay rumors. She enters into mutually beneficial relationships with these guys for reasons that have nothing to do with true love and romance. Even the Kennedy kid was probably about using a smitten high schooler to live out her Kennedy fantasies.

Her entire career is a business endeavor. Her parents bankrolled it hoping she'd provide excellent ROI. And thus far she has. No harm, no foul, really. I just find her voice annoying and wish she'd take some classes for proper vocal breathing and support. Her songs are insipid but that's the crowd she's aiming for.

jmr61: H31N0US: taurusowner: But still, I liked her while the fantasy lasted.

Who cares what she's like in person. Her music is so insipid it makes John Meyer look like Paganini.

Actually who cares about her music? Her value is in her ass.

[resources0.news.com.au image 650x366]

Eh, I'd say there's some in her legs as well.

FraglitsStignow: She strikes me as the kind of gal that would give precise instructions the whole time you're farking.

...and that would really kill the mood, IMHO.

/ shades of the John Cleese sex ed scene from "Monty Python's The Meaning of Life"

Cubansaltyballs: rynthetyn: iron_city_ap: I have a feeling she is halfway afraid of penis. Not saying she is a lesbo, just probably a dead fish.

Nah, don't forget, she banged John Mayer. She's just doing these fairy tale, little girl romances because it sells, but "nice girls" don't bang dirty boys like John Mayer unless they're not so nice.

Or... she's naive enough to think he's not a major cooz-hound.

But I would vote for the dead-fish theory. I imagine she gives the same face when she wins an award as when she gets an unexpected load in the mouth.

I don't believe it possible for anyone to be that naive.

I really like her old stuff, like Tell it to my Heart.

Isn't this the same singer that wrote a song based on Romeo and Juliet that has a happy ending instead of a tragic double-suicide? Methinks the lady doesn't finish reading her fairy tales.

//Should send a copy of the original Grimm's Fairy Tales to her. Then she'll go through he Alanis Morriesette stage

Apos: [media.tumblr.com image 358x202]
"Ya know what I REALLY love?! When the fairytale ends...because I'd have album material!"

Bankrolling on being a bunny boiler.
Yep.

Even my neighbor's 7 year old kid knows this about her.

"Taylor Swift believes in fairytale love."

Which is probably why she has such a hard time finding real love...

Cubansaltyballs: I imagine she gives the same face when she wins an award as when she gets an unexpected load in the mouth.

I would be happy to gather data to support your hypothesis.

Well, in most Fairytale stories a member of Royalty winds up marrying a mere commoner.


An I'm not famous or wealthy soooooooo.............

She needs to write a tune about her tits. Wouldn't take long.

Some of the guys who farked her should write some songs too, so we can hear the other side but make it as comedy albums, "taylor swift delirious" would be awesome

I'd love to have a Sex Idiot like her.

Paging Fark's resident Swiftie to thread 7519718... hi, how you doing?

And before I hear it again: yes, I'm a grown man and if you think I'm hardcore, you ought to see the official boards. (The mods clamp down hard over there, so don't do anything stupid.) Be happy I don't just randomly squeal and sign all by posts with 13's.

So let's just hit everything that needs to be hit in one post.

rynthetyn: I might be inclined to believe that she really is this naive little girl who believes in fairy tales if the song she wrote after breaking up with Jake Gyllenhaal wasn't so precisely written to best help disprove the gay rumors. She enters into mutually beneficial relationships with these guys for reasons that have nothing to do with true love and romance. Even the Kennedy kid was probably about using a smitten high schooler to live out her Kennedy fantasies.

According to Taylor, she falls in love really easily, but she also falls out of love really easily, and she often can't figure out what the hell happened until she starts thinking about it... and a song comes along. I think the fairytale thing might be a hint to it: fairytales, at least fairytales played straight without any Shrek-type business, always end in 'happily ever after'. As in, no rough spots, lifelong deep, intense, passionate romance. And when those rough spots hit- as will happen in any relationship- well, that's not how a fairytale ending goes, what's going on? And as she isn't good at figuring it out right away unless it's something blaring and flashing in neon (as in, say, finding out she's been cheated on), the relationship crashes and burns for it.

As for Jake... um, which song are you talking about? Because Red ran Jake through the damned wringer. You got State of Grace, Red, Treacherous, All Too Well, The Moment I Knew (one of Red's bonus tracks, which would indicate that 'the moment she knew' was when Jake blew off her 21st birthday party), he gets winged in Begin Again, there's some indication that We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together is about him too... Taylor straight up kicked his ass up and down the album.

Conor, meanwhile, looks to be the rest of Begin Again, and then there's the out-and-out admitted Ethel Kennedy fanfic that was Starlight. Any breakup songs will have to wait until next album, though by all accounts, he should get off lightly because they're actually still on good terms.

taurusowner: I used to like her a few years ago, back when I thought maybe she was a sweet girl writing simple emotional songs. Then I found out she's a stuck up vindictive typical Hollywood whore and the sweet country good girl thing is just an image. Of course I should have known this the whole time; no one gets famous without a meticulously groomed public image. But still, I liked her while the fantasy lasted.

Taylor refers you to the Birthday Book.

rynthetyn: Nah, don't forget, she banged John Mayer. She's just doing these fairy tale, little girl romances because it sells, but "nice girls" don't bang dirty boys like John Mayer unless they're not so nice.

Taylor's not the first and she's not the last to get taken in by Mayer. It's like, they know on some level that the guy's an ass, but they all think that they're going to be the one to tame him, and then when they inevitably find out he doesn't feel like being tamed and he's all 'YEAH, BABY, LOOK WHO ELSE I SCORED WITH', it is rage and fury, not just at him, but at themselves for falling for it.

She's friends with Katy Perry. You'd think she'd have warned Katy or something, or you'd think Katy would have listened.

theorellior: Her entire career is a business endeavor. Her parents bankrolled it hoping she'd provide excellent ROI. And thus far she has. No harm, no foul, really. I just find her voice annoying and wish she'd take some classes for proper vocal breathing and support. Her songs are insipid but that's the crowd she's aiming for.

Her parents are in that business, but they had and continue to have a thing against being stage parents. Taylor had to bug them and bug them for years to get them to move from Pennsylvania to Nashville, until one day her mom just resigned herself to the fact that this wasn't a phase and it wasn't going to stop. And then when Taylor first hit Music Row to hand out demo tapes, her mom had to tell her she was going to stay in the car while Taylor did her thing. (They are, of course, all too happy to help out in any way they can.) It's just that Taylor happens to be a hardcore, God-mode self-marketing prodigy. She does the vast majority of this herself. (Such are the advantages of being at a small record label. There aren't any record execs around that are influential enough to push you into anything you don't want to do.)

Seriously, look at the runup to Red's release. She managed to get it to where she premiered a track a week on Good Morning America, she launched on a Monday instead of the usual Tuesday (which meant that not only did she have the day to herself and got out ahead of the pack which was getting out of her way that week anyway, but it let her do one extra day of media-blitz interviews before Friday afternoon hit and the media knocked off for the weekend), she closed out that week on Friday night by announcing the tour, she played Walmart, Walgreens and Target off each other by giving each of them a different launch premium (Target got extra tracks, Walmart got a 'limited edition' with a little magazine and poster and guitar picks and stuff, Walgreens got an in-store display with a bunch of other Taylor merchandise), she even sold albums to Papa John's customers in the middle of ordering a pizza. The one thing she didn't do was slash the price of the album. Every outlet had it for at least $9.99, and no freebies on Spotify, which means maximum profit per sale.

You want to know how an album sells 1.2 million copies on launch week in this day and age? That's how.

Besides, it's not like Taylor needed to provide ROI. Her mom was in a marketing firm before becoming Taylor's co-manager (co-manager; Taylor still calls pretty much all the shots) and her dad still works for Merrill Lynch. They were going to be fine with or without her.

And she is in fact taking voice classes. She knows she's got a thin voice and she's been working on it for a while. It's better than it was. She's not going to be hitting any Kelly Clarkson notes anytime soon, but it gets enough of the job done for the lyrics to take over from there- which is all she's really looking for anyway. If I recall, as far as she's concerned, she's a writer first, and her voice is just a vehicle for the lyrics.

Ed Willy: Isn't this the same singer that wrote a song based on Romeo and Juliet that has a happy ending instead of a tragic double-suicide? Methinks the lady doesn't finish reading her fairy tales.

//Should send a copy of the original Grimm's Fairy Tales to her. Then she'll go through he Alanis Morriesette stage

An alternate interpretation of the song is that it's from the perspective of Juliet, who is fantasizing a happy ending and unaware of what the ending actually is. You know the ending. I know the ending. Taylor knows the ending. Juliet doesn't.

Gosling: rynthetyn: I might be inclined to believe that she really is this naive little girl who believes in fairy tales if the song she wrote after breaking up with Jake Gyllenhaal wasn't so precisely written to best help disprove the gay rumors. She enters into mutually beneficial relationships with these guys for reasons that have nothing to do with true love and romance. Even the Kennedy kid was probably about using a smitten high schooler to live out her Kennedy fantasies.

According to Taylor, she falls in love really easily, but she also falls out of love really easily, and she often can't figure out what the hell happened until she starts thinking about it... and a song comes along. I think the fairytale thing might be a hint to it: fairytales, at least fairytales played straight without any Shrek-type business, always end in 'happily ever after'. As in, no rough spots, lifelong deep, intense, passionate romance. And when those rough spots hit- as will happen in any relationship- well, that's not how a fairytale ending goes, what's going on? And as she isn't good at figuring it out right away unless it's something blaring and flashing in neon (as in, say, finding out she's been cheated on), the relationship crashes and burns for it.

As for Jake... um, which song are you talking about? Because Red ran Jake through the damned wringer. You got State of Grace, Red, Treacherous, All Too Well, The Moment I Knew (one of Red's bonus tracks, which would indicate that 'the moment she knew' was when Jake blew off her 21st birthday party), he gets winged in Begin Again, there's some indication that We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together is about him too... Taylor straight up kicked his ass up and down the album.

I was specifically referencing We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together. The point is, Jake Gyllenhaal has been widely rumored to be gay for years, nobody believed his relationship with Reese Witherspoon was anything other than a mutually beneficial contractual agreement, and no matter how many women he was seen dating people still kept making beard jokes. How do you make the gay rumors go away? By dating the woman who you know will write a song about you when you break up. If it's a song that suggests that she dumped you for being a pretentious hipster and that then you kept calling and begging her to get back together, all the better. Then you have a huge chunk of the population who will believe that you actually do like women, like women so much in fact, that when one dumps you, you keep trying to get back together with her.

She was Jake Gyllenhaal's beard and she did her job beautifully. Just like she was the beard of the Jonas Brother that everyone thinks is gay and did her job beautifully by writing a song that suggested he dumped her because he wanted to bang Camille Belle. And now she's dating Harry Styles, who's also got tons of gay rumors needing to be shot down. Girl's a professional beard and a particularly good one at that because of the way she mixes bearding duty with real relationships and always writes songs about the guys she bearded for that reaffirm that they're completely, totally, 100% heterosexually interested in women.

red5ish: Forbes estimates that she is worth over $165 million.
As a philanthropist, Swift supports arts education, children's literacy, natural disaster relief, LGBT anti-discrimination efforts, and charities for sick children.

Her music still sucks.

Gosling: Paging Fark's resident Swiftie to thread 7519718... hi, how you doing?

And before I hear it again: yes, I'm a grown man and if you think I'm hardcore, you ought to see the official boards. (The mods clamp down hard over there, so don't do anything stupid.) Be happy I don't just randomly squeal and sign all by posts with 13's.

So let's just hit everything that needs to be hit in one post.

rynthetyn: I might be inclined to believe that she really is this naive little girl who believes in fairy tales if the song she wrote after breaking up with Jake Gyllenhaal wasn't so precisely written to best help disprove the gay rumors. She enters into mutually beneficial relationships with these guys for reasons that have nothing to do with true love and romance. Even the Kennedy kid was probably about using a smitten high schooler to live out her Kennedy fantasies.

According to Taylor, she falls in love really easily, but she also falls out of love really easily, and she often can't figure out what the hell happened until she starts thinking about it... and a song comes along. I think the fairytale thing might be a hint to it: fairytales, at least fairytales played straight without any Shrek-type business, always end in 'happily ever after'. As in, no rough spots, lifelong deep, intense, passionate romance. And when those rough spots hit- as will happen in any relationship- well, that's not how a fairytale ending goes, what's going on? And as she isn't good at figuring it out right away unless it's something blaring and flashing in neon (as in, say, finding out she's been cheated on), the relationship crashes and burns for it.

As for Jake... um, which song are you talking about? Because Red ran Jake through the damned wringer. You got State of Grace, Red, Treacherous, All Too Well, The Moment I Knew (one of Red's bonus tracks, which would indicate that 'the moment she knew' was when Jake blew off her 21st birthday party), he gets winged in Begin Again, there's some indication that We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together is about him too... Taylor straight up kicked his ass up and down the album.

Conor, meanwhile, looks to be the rest of Begin Again, and then there's the out-and-out admitted Ethel Kennedy fanfic that was Starlight. Any breakup songs will have to wait until next album, though by all accounts, he should get off lightly because they're actually still on good terms.

taurusowner: I used to like her a few years ago, back when I thought maybe she was a sweet girl writing simple emotional songs. Then I found out she's a stuck up vindictive typical Hollywood whore and the sweet country good girl thing is just an image. Of course I should have known this the whole time; no one gets famous without a meticulously groomed public image. But still, I liked her while the fantasy lasted.

Taylor refers you to the Birthday Book.

rynthetyn: Nah, don't forget, she banged John Mayer. She's just doing these fairy tale, little girl romances because it sells, but "nice girls" don't bang dirty boys like John Mayer unless they're not so nice.

Taylor's not the first and she's not the last to get taken in by Mayer. It's like, they know on some level that the guy's an ass, but they all think that they're going to be the one to tame him, and then when they inevitably find out he doesn't feel like being tamed and he's all 'YEAH, BABY, LOOK WHO ELSE I SCORED WITH', it is rage and fury, not just at him, but at themselves for falling for it.

She's friends with Katy Perry. You'd think she'd have warned Katy or something, or you'd think Katy would have listened.

theorellior: Her entire career is a business endeavor. Her parents bankrolled it hoping she'd provide excellent ROI. And thus far she has. No harm, no foul, really. I just find her voice annoying and wish she'd take some classes for proper vocal breathing and support. Her songs are insipid but that's the crowd she's aiming for.

Her parents are in that business, but they had and continue to have a thing against being stage parents. Taylor had to bug them and bug them for years to get them to move from Pennsylvania to Nashville, until one day her mom just resigned herself to the fact that this wasn't a phase and it wasn't going to stop. And then when Taylor first hit Music Row to hand out demo tapes, her mom had to tell her she was going to stay in the car while Taylor did her thing. (They are, of course, all too happy to help out in any way they can.) It's just that Taylor happens to be a hardcore, God-mode self-marketing prodigy. She does the vast majority of this herself. (Such are the advantages of being at a small record label. There aren't any record execs around that are influential enough to push you into anything you don't want to do.)

Seriously, look at the runup to Red's release. She managed to get it to where she premiered a track a week on Good Morning America, she launched on a Monday instead of the usual Tuesday (which meant that not only did she have the day to herself and got out ahead of the pack which was getting out of her way that week anyway, but it let her do one extra day of media-blitz interviews before Friday afternoon hit and the media knocked off for the weekend), she closed out that week on Friday night by announcing the tour, she played Walmart, Walgreens and Target off each other by giving each of them a different launch premium (Target got extra tracks, Walmart got a 'limited edition' with a little magazine and poster and guitar picks and stuff, Walgreens got an in-store display with a bunch of other Taylor merchandise), she even sold albums to Papa John's customers in the middle of ordering a pizza. The one thing she didn't do was slash the price of the album. Every outlet had it for at least $9.99, and no freebies on Spotify, which means maximum profit per sale.

You want to know how an album sells 1.2 million copies on launch week in this day and age? That's how.

Besides, it's not like Taylor needed to provide ROI. Her mom was in a marketing firm before becoming Taylor's co-manager (co-manager; Taylor still calls pretty much all the shots) and her dad still works for Merrill Lynch. They were going to be fine with or without her.

And she is in fact taking voice classes. She knows she's got a thin voice and she's been working on it for a while. It's better than it was. She's not going to be hitting any Kelly Clarkson notes anytime soon, but it gets enough of the job done for the lyrics to take over from there- which is all she's really looking for anyway. If I recall, as far as she's concerned, she's a writer first, and her voice is just a vehicle for the lyrics.

Ed Willy: Isn't this the same singer that wrote a song based on Romeo and Juliet that has a happy ending instead of a tragic double-suicide? Methinks the lady doesn't finish reading her fairy tales.

//Should send a copy of the original Grimm's Fairy Tales to her. Then she'll go through he Alanis Morriesette stage

An alternate interpretation of the song is that it's from the perspective of Juliet, who is fantasizing a happy ending and unaware of what the ending actually is. You know the ending. I know the ending. Taylor knows the ending. Juliet doesn't.

Are you also a Bronie?

/not judging