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(Today)   What would be the theme of your funeral? Link goes to inspiration   (theclicker.today.com) divider line 107
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1432 clicks; posted to FarkUs » on 04 Jan 2013 at 4:20 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-04 12:58:54 PM  
Theme?  Cheap as possible.  I'm dead, I don't give two shiats whether you roll me up in some newspaper or bury me in a brand new Ferrari.
 
2013-01-04 01:15:17 PM  
I want to be mummified, along with my pets.  in my sarcophagus, I want the following trade goods placed:

a 12 gauge shotgun.
5 boxes of ammo
a 9mm pistol (don't care about the brand)
5 boxes of pistol ammo
3 bottles of rum (2 spiced, one dark)
2 glasses
a backpack
gun cleaning kit
25 gold coins
3 diamonds
1 emerald
1 (one) copy of the first edition Dungeon Masters Guide, printed on acid free paper and sealed in an airtight container filled with nitrogen gas.

if at all possible, I want to be buried next to the guy who was buried with his car (porche I believe).  if/when the dead rise, I'll need a vehicle. I'd like to carjack that sonofabiatch first thing.  if i'm not resurrected then in about 1500 years some archeologist is gonna dig up my grave and be extremely f*cking confused at what they find.
 
2013-01-04 01:33:31 PM  

Weaver95: in about 1500 years some archeologist is gonna dig up my grave and be extremely f*cking confused at what they find.


I like the cut of your jib!  I've had this long held desire to be buried in an barrow, laid out in full Anglo-Saxon regalia, a pile of human bones at my feet, but everything be made of plastic.  Just to troll the guy who opens the grave, gets excited and then realizes it's all worthless crap.

The DMG is a nice touch, may have to steal that.
 
2013-01-04 01:47:24 PM  
Strippers and blow.
 
2013-01-04 01:52:47 PM  
1) No black clothing allowed.
2) Clothing emblazoned with a Padres logo is encouraged. If the Padres clothing happens to be black, it will be allowed as an exception to Rule #1.
3) No sad music. Whatever my portable music player of the day is will be piped in on random, though I do permit a live guitarist to play George Harrison's "All Things Must Pass" at some point during the event.
4) Pictures of me with my family and friends are to be posted here and there.
5) Replicas of the Hylian Shield and Master Sword shall be present and in a place of honor.
6) My prized Joe DiMaggio autographed print and Charlie Brown statue shall also be present and have places of honor.
7) Tables will be set up in groups of 4, and each table will have a deck of cards and a Cribbage board. Rules for Cribbage, Spades, and Hearts shall be provided.
8) My ashes should be in an urn that has as an image of me with my wife and any kids I may have by then, and also a Padres logo and a Triforce on it.

That's me. Those are my loves. Family, friends, games, baseball. The Charlie Brown statue is a strange outlier, but I have my reasons for that one.
 
2013-01-04 02:11:54 PM  
A faithful recreation of this:

i.ytimg.com
 
2013-01-04 02:14:02 PM  
Do they play music in ditches?
 
2013-01-04 02:15:38 PM  
Necrophilia
 
2013-01-04 02:15:45 PM  
Theme: "You're coming with me!"
 
2013-01-04 02:16:54 PM  

Diogenes: Necrophilia


So we had the same idea.
 
2013-01-04 02:19:31 PM  

RedPhoenix122: Diogenes: Necrophilia

So we had the same idea.


Get a mausoleum, you two.
 
2013-01-04 02:22:13 PM  

RedPhoenix122: Diogenes: Necrophilia

So we had the same idea.


Apos took my first idea.  So I figured the next best thing would be a good schtupping for the eternal road.
 
2013-01-04 02:42:43 PM  
Just a traditional funeral for me. A pyre and two coins for the ferryman.
 
2013-01-04 02:56:49 PM  
My funeral will be crazy. Pyrotechnics, live heavy metal bands, my body outfitted with animatronic parts so I can walk out of my casket and perform the choreography to Thriller, and the main event will be Mike Tyson vs George Foreman going 10 rounds in a boxing ring setup in the parking lot of the funeral home. I don't care how old or out of shape they are, it'll be awesome!
 
2013-01-04 03:05:27 PM  
Cremation, ashes can be passed out as party favors or scattered anywhere.  I don't care.  I was going to have my head severed and boiled to get all the meat off it, then the skull given to one of my kids as a conversation piece, but I have been told it is too morbid.

If there is a memorial service, I have a few songs I'd like played.  A certain piece of music I would like played over a photo montage of me to get the waterworks flowing, and then on to a party where everyone can get drunk and hopefully some people will get laid.
 
2013-01-04 03:38:08 PM  

Diogenes: RedPhoenix122: Diogenes: Necrophilia

So we had the same idea.

Apos took my first idea.  So I figured the next best thing would be a good schtupping for the eternal road.


David Cross agrees.
 
2013-01-04 03:51:19 PM  
Juggalo
 
2013-01-04 03:59:19 PM  
img248.imageshack.us
 
2013-01-04 04:07:02 PM  
"homegoings"

BLAH
 
2013-01-04 04:22:36 PM  
1. Booze

The end.
 
2013-01-04 04:24:38 PM  
I would like to have an old fashioned funeral pyre. And let everyone get drunk

/growing up is was fill my carcass ful of pot and hash, then burn me. But I've outgrown my druggie stage.
//Are wills legally required to be followed as is?
 
2013-01-04 04:33:24 PM  
My funeral will bring to mind that one Kirk Cameron Subway sandwich birthday party photo.
 
2013-01-04 04:41:08 PM  

Unoriginal_Username: I would like to have an old fashioned funeral pyre. And let everyone get drunk


This. and no sad shiat. and I want a two story pyre at least, or viking funeral at a nearby lake. and I just want my one possession to be my undefeated trophy, only perfection goes with me into the afterlife... so also pack Filter Title of Record. And maybe a case of Becks... and put me in a suit damnit.
 
2013-01-04 04:43:42 PM  
1. Cheap. Funeral homes are highway robbers. "Look, just because we're bereaved, that doesn't make us saps!"

2. Cremated. Won't need the body anymore.

3. As simple an urn as possible, preferably made by Trappist monks

4. No smarmy feel-good crap at the Mass/homily, e.g., "God has a plan," "Scaevola is in a better place," "We must have faith." Most likely will have to vet the priest ahead of time. There will be a reading from Ecclesiastes; I've been researching and publishing on that for years anyway. Maybe Homer's Odyssey too. It's against the rules, but fark that. It's my funeral. Don't piss off the dead.

5. Lots of food and drink for whoever shows up.
 
2013-01-04 04:45:11 PM  
I am claustrophobic, and feel I will be in death as well...
so...
1. I must be cremated... I am not going to spend an eternity in a box in the ground... just the thought gives me nightmares now.
2. I will not be kept in a crypt, urn, box, vessel, etc... I want my ashes thrown, spread, catapulted, anything... don't care where either. backyard, Galveston bay, someones pool.. again, claustrophobia, and my fear of becoming an heirloom

my funeral will be a party, and I want to be hanging out at the margarita machine (I can be in a vessel until the end of the shindig, then dump my ashy ass.) I want all my favorite foods there, my favorite music playing (80's new wave thank you very much), and no crying... black clothes optional, I was gothy for a time period, so that doesn't bother me... The terrible stories, the skeletons in my closet, the great stories, all of them must be told....
 
2013-01-04 04:46:40 PM  
o, and I am an atheist too, so no "god needed an angel", or "god has a plan"...
and nothing in a church
 
2013-01-04 04:46:57 PM  
I don't want a funeral.

I want just my body to be strung up in the village square to serve as a warning to others.
 
2013-01-04 04:47:51 PM  
Raise a stripper pole up from my grave, so all my exes feel right at home.
 
2013-01-04 04:48:20 PM  
 
2013-01-04 04:48:36 PM  
I want a party that people can have fun at.

I want to be naked as I came into this world.

I want people to tell jokes, and I want my favorte one read for all.

Why doesn't Smokey The Bear have any children?
Everytime his wife gets hot he beats her with a shovel.

I want people laughing and happy that I don't have to deal with this shiatty world anymore! :)

I do NOT want any mention of any afterlife or "higher" being or any spiritual crap.

I don't want any of my friends or family to wreck their back carrying my fat ass anywhere, they can use a cart.
 
2013-01-04 04:48:59 PM  
Theme of my funeral:

"The Dead Abides"

That is all.
 
2013-01-04 04:49:15 PM  

phaseolus: My funeral will bring to mind that one Kirk Cameron Subway sandwich birthday party photo.


RIP, friend.
 
2013-01-04 04:49:26 PM  

Unoriginal_Username: .
//Are wills legally required to be followed as is?


Not really. If the terms violate public policy, or if the executor or probate judge find terms to be unreasonable or unworkable, then no. You can request what ever you like, of course. You could also, potentially, create a contract with an adventurous undertaker while you're alive (and competent) to do something kind of crazy...paid in full like a pre-arranged funeral.
 
2013-01-04 04:50:19 PM  
Alternately:
Link
 
2013-01-04 04:51:03 PM  
Suggestion for Farkers who are being cremated. Julius Caesar was cremated right here. As you can see, people still leave flowers. When my native-born Roman mother died, my brother and I thought about dumping her ashes here.
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-01-04 04:51:29 PM  

phaseolus: My funeral will bring to mind that one Kirk Cameron Subway sandwich birthday party photo.


Damn it. File was too large.

dtdstudios.com
 
2013-01-04 04:56:02 PM  

Scaevola: Suggestion for Farkers who are being cremated. Julius Caesar was cremated right here. As you can see, people still leave flowers. When my native-born Roman mother died, my brother and I thought about dumping her ashes here.
[1.bp.blogspot.com image 850x1133]


Mmm...one big cremation orgy!
 
2013-01-04 04:57:28 PM  
Do you ever think as a hearse goes by,
that you may be the next to die?
They wrap you up in a big white sheet
From your head down to your feet.
They put you in a big black box,
And cover you up with dirt and rocks.
All goes well for about a week,
Then your coffin begins to leak.
The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out,
The worms play pinochle on your snout.
They eat your eyes, they eat your nose,
They eat the jelly between your toes.
A big green worm with rolling eyes,
Crawls in your stomach and out your eyes.
Your stomach turns a slimy green,
And pus pours out like whipping cream.
You spread it on a slice of bread,
And that's what you eat when you are dead.
 
2013-01-04 04:58:06 PM  

Ed Finnerty: phaseolus: My funeral will bring to mind that one Kirk Cameron Subway sandwich birthday party photo.

Damn it. File was too large.

[dtdstudios.com image 700x467]


Perfect!
 
2013-01-04 05:11:22 PM  
mardigrasunmasked.com
 
2013-01-04 05:22:01 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com

I want to go wearing corpse paint on a raft my friends push out into the middle of a lake. Then they have to take a bow and arrow and take turns shooting flaming arrows at me until they ignite my pyre. It will probably take awhile but they will be encouraged to drink so that will pass the time. Also I want a kick ass buffet. Funerals should really include more food
 
2013-01-04 05:22:12 PM  
"If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl. " - H.L. Mencken
 
2013-01-04 05:23:49 PM  

beezeltown: Unoriginal_Username: .
//Are wills legally required to be followed as is?

Not really. If the terms violate public policy, or if the executor or probate judge find terms to be unreasonable or unworkable, then no. You can request what ever you like, of course. You could also, potentially, create a contract with an adventurous undertaker while you're alive (and competent) to do something kind of crazy...paid in full like a pre-arranged funeral.


That is the only way to really guarantee it.  They will know the local laws and how to work with/around them as well, so it is worth consulting wiht them on your wishes at any rate.  Here in MI dispensation of ashes is a pretty lax affair, as is declaring a portion of your property a "family gravesite".  The process between dying and ashes has to get handled by someone with a license, and burial of a body is pretty highly regulated, but the rest of it is remarkably flexible.  If you don't like what the laws in your state allow, ask your funeral guy about other states.
 
2013-01-04 05:27:37 PM  

thecpt: Unoriginal_Username: I would like to have an old fashioned funeral pyre. And let everyone get drunk

This. and no sad shiat. and I want a two story pyre at least, or viking funeral at a nearby lake. and I just want my one possession to be my undefeated trophy, only perfection goes with me into the afterlife... so also pack Filter Title of Record. And maybe a case of Becks... and put me in a suit damnit.


Have you ever seen the movie Eulogy? You should definitely check it out. Rip Torn gets a rather unintentionally non-traditional Viking lake funeral pyre, plus there is some light Famke Janssen, Kelly Lynch, Glenne Headly, Debra Winger girl on girl bits (I know you boys enjoy that) and the added bonus of Piper Laurie trying to off herself in various ways.

VAG
IN A
TOWN

Funny flick

=]
 
2013-01-04 05:27:40 PM  
Weekend at Bernie's.
 
2013-01-04 05:34:39 PM  
Lots of food, lots of booze, lots of music.

Something like this.
 
2013-01-04 05:36:26 PM  
I have a lot of experience with funerals, and a couple of thoughts around what I want when I kick the bucket. No sentimental rambling, but lots of music. Cremation. Couldn't care less about where I am planted- If I can help fertilize some rose bushes or something, that's great.

I haven't had any odd requests for funerals. Weirdest one I have presided at was for a young man who was a frequent-flyer guest of her Majesty's accommodations. All the pall bearers were drunk and/or stoned, and most were hedging on explosive. They also felt very comfortable hollering out their own additions to the funeral message, which became an interactive event.
 
2013-01-04 05:47:45 PM  

vernonFL: Strippers and blow.


my gott i'll miss you -honkhonk- -wonkawonka-

/ alright who's next?
// of course your name is Sapphire!
 
2013-01-04 05:50:40 PM  
No theme per se, but cremation and two musical selections - "Spirit in the Sky" by Norman Greenbaum (because what's better than a gospel song with a great bass written by a Jewish guy) and "Amazing Grace," but sung to either the "Mickey Mouse Club" tune or to the theme from "Gilligan's Island."
 
2013-01-04 07:06:04 PM  
Theme for my funeral?

"Gee, that fat guy who was a good librarian and a nice guy, Saint Stryfe, died, probably of manly wounds suffered while doing something awesome like lassoing tigers. That kinda sucks, I hope his family is cool and his essence can be bottled and perserved for future study by Radicalologists."

I get specific.
 
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