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(Cracked)   We all get sick and tired of hearing excuses, here are 5 popular ones that do not have any meaning at all   (cracked.com) divider line 161
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31240 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Jan 2013 at 3:58 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-02 02:32:26 PM
Way to make it hard to defend Cracked articles, Gladstone the self-important.
 
2013-01-02 02:36:11 PM
No excuse listed for splitting a 5 item list into 2 pages, it seems.
 
2013-01-02 02:44:37 PM
I don't, by and large, care for Cracked.com articles.
 
2013-01-02 03:38:35 PM
But here's the thing: If you're so selfish that you can't conceivably care for a child, then not having kids doesn't really solve the problem.

Sure it does.  Just because you are too selfish to have kids doesn't mean you are selfish in every aspect of your life.  It doesn't mean you forget birthdays, drink all the beer in your buddy's fridge, or generally walk through life completely ignoring everyone else's needs like a big dickhead.

It just means you realize you are too self-involved to undertake a seismic shift in your life's priorities, devoting yourself to the all-consuming goal of creating, rearing and supporting another human being for 18+ years.

In fact, if more people put a little more awareness of the depth of the commitment required for parenting before embarking on it, I am pretty sure this world would be a much better place.
 
2013-01-02 04:02:10 PM

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: I don't, by and large, care for Cracked.com articles.


I'd disagree, but I hate conflict and just bought a gun.
 
2013-01-02 04:02:10 PM
There's no excuse for submitting Cracked articles.
 
2013-01-02 04:06:33 PM
But here's the thing: If you're so selfish that you can't conceivably care for a child, then not having kids doesn't really solve the problem.

Or it could be someone made the decision not to have kids and don't want to have to explain their important life choices away to people who aren't on a need to know basis.
 
2013-01-02 04:08:17 PM
Let's not forget "I have smelly bootrash" and "I have to go see some ghosts."
 
2013-01-02 04:13:16 PM

KatjaMouse: But here's the thing: If you're so selfish that you can't conceivably care for a child, then not having kids doesn't really solve the problem.

Or it could be someone made the decision not to have kids and don't want to have to explain their important life choices away to people who aren't on a need to know basis.


This one was put on the list because the hip-happenin' writer needed more things to put on the list so he could say he was published in Cracked.

Sorry, but being too selfish to have kids doesn't make you a shiatty person. A kid is a 24-hour/365 x lifetime responsibility. Being kind or generous to friends isn't.
 
2013-01-02 04:13:40 PM
fc01.deviantart.net
 
2013-01-02 04:14:03 PM
i thought that the reason people didn't trust themselves around guns was because they were afraid that they'd commit suicide.
 
2013-01-02 04:14:29 PM
KatjaMouse: But here's the thing: If you're so selfish that you can't conceivably care for a child, then not having kids doesn't really solve the problem.

It's been a while since I've seen this old article pop up.

7deadlysinners.typepad.com

B4 (counting from the top)
 
2013-01-02 04:15:47 PM

KatjaMouse: But here's the thing: If you're so selfish that you can't conceivably care for a child, then not having kids doesn't really solve the problem.

Or it could be someone made the decision not to have kids and don't want to have to explain their important life choices away to people who aren't on a need to know basis.


It continues to amaze me how much personal information people will share with complete strangers.
 
2013-01-02 04:16:07 PM
What are ya going to do? It is what is is.
 
2013-01-02 04:17:20 PM

Lenny_da_Hog: A kid is a 24-hour/365 x lifetime responsibility.


How much are your parents worrying about you right now? Are you Farking from adult daycare?

I agree with his assessment on the "kids" excuse. The excuse itself is meaningless, because it isn't true. "I hate kids" is what it means; at least if people were honest then child-having people could stop wasting their time maintaining contact with the childless, since that's what the childless desire.

It is okay to be honest with your (now former) friends.
 
2013-01-02 04:17:42 PM
alright time to stop reading trash greenlit on fark and defect to reddit
 
2013-01-02 04:17:43 PM

HailRobonia: Let's not forget "I have smelly bootrash" and "I have to go see some ghosts."


"I have to meet the President!"
 
2013-01-02 04:18:04 PM
"Its just not natural!"
 
2013-01-02 04:18:27 PM
#3. "I'm Too Selfish to Be a Parent"Nope, I just hate kids.

/and drink too much
 
2013-01-02 04:18:31 PM

pute kisses like a man: i thought that the reason people didn't trust themselves around guns was because they were afraid that they'd commit suicide.


Even if it is anger management issues, so what?

Different people have different operating systems. We go through different levels of stress. If we were all the same, we wouldn't have the need for anger management therapists. "Just change" is naive -- it's beyond naive. It's flat out stupidity and ignorance of human diversity and nature.

The writer of this article is just backhandedly saying, "Everyone sucks but me, because I'm the judge."
 
2013-01-02 04:19:57 PM

pute kisses like a man: i thought that the reason people didn't trust themselves around guns was because they were afraid that they'd commit suicide.


A powerful fear, but again the article's address of the excuse is apt: the person that fears having guns around because of their suicidal impulses should be getting help. Not having guns around, in the meantime, is the right call. Guns are a powerful difference between "suicidal ideation," "suicidal attempt" and "death" around 20,000 times in the US each year.
 
2013-01-02 04:20:16 PM

gilgigamesh: But here's the thing: If you're so selfish that you can't conceivably care for a child, then not having kids doesn't really solve the problem.

Sure it does.  Just because you are too selfish to have kids doesn't mean you are selfish in every aspect of your life.  It doesn't mean you forget birthdays, drink all the beer in your buddy's fridge, or generally walk through life completely ignoring everyone else's needs like a big dickhead.

It just means you realize you are too self-involved to undertake a seismic shift in your life's priorities, devoting yourself to the all-consuming goal of creating, rearing and supporting another human being for 18+ years.

In fact, if more people put a little more awareness of the depth of the commitment required for parenting before embarking on it, I am pretty sure this world would be a much better place.


One things for sure. There'd be a whole lot less people in the world. I've met plenty of parents over the years and it's pretty much 50% responsible and 50% irresponsible. I'd imagine that's the same the world over. So overpopulation wouldn't be an issue, that's for certain.

/A big negative for me is that I wouldn't exist either
 
2013-01-02 04:21:05 PM

factoryconnection: Lenny_da_Hog: A kid is a 24-hour/365 x lifetime responsibility.

How much are your parents worrying about you right now? Are you Farking from adult daycare?

I agree with his assessment on the "kids" excuse. The excuse itself is meaningless, because it isn't true. "I hate kids" is what it means; at least if people were honest then child-having people could stop wasting their time maintaining contact with the childless, since that's what the childless desire.

It is okay to be honest with your (now former) friends.


I do not deny hating children, and in fact I acknowledge openly that the presence of small children causes me to feel intense anxiety.
 
2013-01-02 04:21:21 PM
#5. "That Was Before My Time"- Sorry, I don't know how to drive a Model T. That was before my time.

#4. "Oh, Well, I Don't Read the Papers"- Better than claiming that you read all the papers.

#3. "I'm Too Selfish to Be a Parent"- aka "I like a clean house too much to be a parent" or "I enjoy a full-night's sleep too much to be a parent" or "I enjoy being spontaneous with social events to be a parent". There's nothing inherently wrong with any of these things.

#2. "I Don't Trust Myself to Own a Gun"- Some people avoid car ownership because they don't trust themselves behind the wheel. To equate the word "trust" solely with "uncontrollable anger management issues" should speak volumes about the author.

#1. "I Don't Like Conflict"- Rather, "I'm not easily bothered by trivial 'injustices' and don't give a shiat that you gave me a gin & soda instead of a gin & tonic since it took me 15 minutes to get the first one". It doesn't mean I'm going to let someone punch me face because I don't want to bother them.
 
2013-01-02 04:21:37 PM
data.whicdn.com
 
2013-01-02 04:21:52 PM

Uranus Is Huge!: What are ya going to do? It is what is is.


That second one makes me cringe. It's so meaningless a statement that in my own speaking I've replaced with just a sound: "Eh."
 
2013-01-02 04:22:35 PM

factoryconnection: Lenny_da_Hog: A kid is a 24-hour/365 x lifetime responsibility.

How much are your parents worrying about you right now? Are you Farking from adult daycare?

I agree with his assessment on the "kids" excuse. The excuse itself is meaningless, because it isn't true. "I hate kids" is what it means; at least if people were honest then child-having people could stop wasting their time maintaining contact with the childless, since that's what the childless desire.

It is okay to be honest with your (now former) friends.


My parents were too selfish to have children. They're dead now, and I'm not a bit unhappy about that. I, too, am too selfish to have children. I won't give up traveling, won't give up all the things I like to do that I'd have to give up if I had a child. I won't have a dog, either.

I like kids. They're funny little creatures, entertaining in small doses, and I care about their well-being from a policy/social point of view. I don't like changing diapers, or having a schedule to feed them, or giving up all the those things I enjoy doing, so I never had children and likely won't.
 
2013-01-02 04:22:49 PM
it's not my fault. the liquors drunkened me.
 
2013-01-02 04:23:02 PM
Their criticism of the children one makes no sense. I didn't read any of the others and I didn't click to the 2nd page, so maybe none of them made sense.

Besides, usually when you have to come up with a reason why you don't want to have kids, you are just trying to avoid telling the truth i.e. "Because having kids seems like the worst hell imaginable". It's considered rude to say things like that, so you have to say shiat like "I'm too irresponsible"
 
2013-01-02 04:23:36 PM
Just because something isn't true or isn't a good excuse doesn't mean it doesn't have meaning.

The article is bad and subby should feel bad.
 
2013-01-02 04:23:47 PM
I've found Cracked is a good thing to pretend to hate.
 
2013-01-02 04:24:21 PM

factoryconnection: Lenny_da_Hog: A kid is a 24-hour/365 x lifetime responsibility.

How much are your parents worrying about you right now? Are you Farking from adult daycare?

I agree with his assessment on the "kids" excuse. The excuse itself is meaningless, because it isn't true. "I hate kids" is what it means; at least if people were honest then child-having people could stop wasting their time maintaining contact with the childless, since that's what the childless desire.

It is okay to be honest with your (now former) friends.


I'm too selfish to have kids. I love kids, I think they're awesome, I hope my friends have a ton of them for me to babysit. Just know I'd fail at having one of my own.
 
2013-01-02 04:28:05 PM
I like being around kids for time periods of my choosing. I don't want to be responsible for one all the time and have my entire life changed because of it.
If that makes me a terrible and selfish person person, I'm definitely the worst.
 
2013-01-02 04:28:20 PM

gilgigamesh: In fact, if more people put a little more awareness of the depth of the commitment required for parenting before embarking on it, I am pretty sure this world would be a much better place.


Motherfarkin' this.
 
2013-01-02 04:28:25 PM
After seeing the gun one, this author is flat out retarded.
 
2013-01-02 04:29:38 PM

Zaea: I like being around kids for time periods of my choosing. I don't want to be responsible for one all the time and have my entire life changed because of it.
If that makes me a terrible and selfish person person, I'm definitely the worst.


person person person person
 
2013-01-02 04:30:44 PM
I'm too selfish to be a parent and fark you, TFA author. I simply have no desire to invest the time and money in order to add another human being to the billions that we already have. I just don't see the point. I'd rather retire at a younger age and enjoy my life, with my lovely wife who is of like mind. If that makes me a terrible person, so be it. I don't really care what you think, because as we've established I'm a selfish asshole. ;)
 
2013-01-02 04:31:28 PM
I understand you know what you think I said,
But, I'm not sure that you realize that what you thought you heard, wasn't what I meant.
 
2013-01-02 04:32:23 PM
(I can't bear to be misunderstood on this topic, so let me just say that this entry has nothing to do with the shattering events in Connecticut. It's not my attempt to be timely or "funny" about tragedy. It was written prior to those events. It's also not meant to be a catalyst for a debate about gun control in the comments.)

Then don't run the article, you goddamned moronic farkface.

I mean, if it's a worthy and poignant article, sure, run it. This is farking Cracked we're talking about, a shiatty cesspool that I'm ashamed to admit I occasionally get suckered into reading, thinking I'll finally see something worthy.

I don't trust myself with a gun and a Cracked article, that's for sure.
 
2013-01-02 04:32:25 PM
nobody cares

/you're just wrong
 
2013-01-02 04:33:08 PM

Super Chronic: I don't trust myself with a gun and a Cracked article, that's for sure.


Good thing I just finished my coffee. Good stuff.
 
2013-01-02 04:34:49 PM
True story... There was a time in my life that children were terrified of me. The fact that I looked like James Hetfield with even longer hair didn't help much... But then my son was born. And something about my aura must have changed, because kids are no longer afraid of me.

I really don't much care if someone doesn't want to have kids. It's sort of the same way that I don't care if someone chooses to not be in a relationship.

That 2nd one I just don't understand though. I know like 5 people (all dudes), who just have no interest in having a girlfriend, let alone getting married. I guess some people just don't care about companionship...
 
2013-01-02 04:35:02 PM

factoryconnection: I agree with his assessment on the "kids" excuse. The excuse itself is meaningless, because it isn't true. "I hate kids" is what it means; at least if people were honest then child-having people could stop wasting their time maintaining contact with the childless, since that's what the childless desire.


That isn't necessarily true.  I think kids are great, in limited doses.  They are cute, they run around, doing cute kid things.  They have that new perspective on life that reminds you of all the wonder there is in the world, and makes you forget to be a crusty, jaded asshole for a little while.

I just don't want to take care of them.  Have you spent any time taking care of a 2 year old?  Its a constant battle to keep them from their seemingly singleminded effort to kill themselves in a variety of ways. It's farking exhausting.  Who needs that?  Well, apparently a lot of people, just not me.

But anyway don't presume its about "hating" kids.  It really is just a matter of what you want to devote yourself to.
 
2013-01-02 04:35:22 PM

humanshrapnel: gilgigamesh: In fact, if more people put a little more awareness of the depth of the commitment required for parenting before embarking on it, I am pretty sure this world would be a much better place.

Motherfarkin' this.


I agree with this sentiment. Although there are no doubt plenty of so-called "too selfish" people that would do fine as parents, it would be nice if more people that are "too stupid" to have kids would figure out birth control. I can't blame them entirely; although child rearing is one of the most all-engrossing and varied tasks anyone will ever undertake, there are no classes, formal instructions, or reasonably ingrained cultural norms on the topic.

How else could the last generation have misconstrued "consider that your child has self worth and you should reinforce that" to mean "praise and reward every stupid thing your child does, even if it is wrong." I figure that a lot of intelligent people that opt out of parenthood are put off by that nonsense, thinking that they would be responsible for making kids feel 100% A++++ every day. F*ck that noise.
 
2013-01-02 04:35:28 PM

lordargent: KatjaMouse: But here's the thing: If you're so selfish that you can't conceivably care for a child, then not having kids doesn't really solve the problem.

It's been a while since I've seen this old article pop up.

[7deadlysinners.typepad.com image 400x462]

B4 (counting from the top)


I don't think everyone needs to be a parent. I don't think parents are better than people without kids. And it's true, some people are simply too selfish to ever be good parents. But here's the thing: If you're so selfish that you can't conceivably care for a child, then not having kids doesn't really solve the problem. Don't get me wrong: I'm super happy that you're self-aware enough not to procreate, but I'm guessing you're still kind of a selfish, shiatty person.
 
2013-01-02 04:35:40 PM
Well I'm glad the guy finally got all of his pet peeves off his chest.

He might want to seek some counseling; there's some serious bottled-up rage going on there.
 
2013-01-02 04:37:06 PM

pute kisses like a man: i thought that the reason people didn't trust themselves around guns was because they were afraid that they'd commit suicide.


Or fall in love.
 
2013-01-02 04:37:42 PM

PanicMan: KatjaMouse: But here's the thing: If you're so selfish that you can't conceivably care for a child, then not having kids doesn't really solve the problem.

Or it could be someone made the decision not to have kids and don't want to have to explain their important life choices away to people who aren't on a need to know basis.

It continues to amaze me how much personal information people will share with complete strangers.


I couldn't agree more.

Now of you'll excuse me, I have to go and have a giant boil on my arse lanced.
 
2013-01-02 04:38:19 PM
I once told my boss that I was late for work because the extreme heat had caused the molecules in the road to expand, thereby creating a longer drive to get to work.  He just laughed and told me to get out of his office.
 
2013-01-02 04:40:46 PM
Before my time is a completely legitimate excuse in a lot of circumstances. BS Cracked. Yeah/ I should be expected to know all of Paula Abdul'shiats because they were at one point popular.
 
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