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(io9)   The most important question of 2013 answered: Can zombies get drunk?   (io9.com) divider line 54
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4182 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Jan 2013 at 5:13 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-02 03:16:11 PM
Vodka Zombie would know.
 
2013-01-02 03:17:30 PM
If you give a zombie LSD does his mind get blown?
 
2013-01-02 03:37:11 PM
Go home, zombie.

www.cinemasoldier.com

You're drunk.
 
2013-01-02 04:13:47 PM

The Onion is prophetic: Vodka Zombie would know.


Sure. We get absolutely plastered. It's hard to tell though. Staggering is pretty much our only means of transportation.
 
2013-01-02 04:35:20 PM
img.allvoices.com

If that's the only part of your brain that works?
 
2013-01-02 04:59:00 PM
they prefer Johnnie Walker
 
2013-01-02 05:16:45 PM
I liked this one:

The Effervescent One:
Dearest Mr. Postman,
In response to the age-old question, "How much is in a shiat-ton", I had asked an Engineer (with a capital "E") of the Computers persuasion. He pondered, he contemplated the tip of his nose, his eyes glazed over after a while.. but eventually that "EUREKA!" spark flashed over his head and he announced thusly: "A farking-lot!".
So, as the Answer to the Ultimate Question is "42", the Answer to the measurement of A Shiat-Ton is "A Farking-Lot".
 
2013-01-02 05:16:58 PM
More importantly, should I hide in a liquor store when the Zombie Apocalypse occurs?? This is important to know, since I'll already have my zombie ammo, zombie rifle, zombie machete, zombie bow and arrow, zombie underpants, zombie cologne, zombie flamethrower (the kids love that one), etc etc et-farking-cetera.
 
2013-01-02 05:20:57 PM
How could you tell?
 
2013-01-02 05:21:48 PM
Next up, we find out if vampires can get high and if werewolves can whiskey dick

/what has science done?!
 
2013-01-02 05:21:52 PM
1/2 oz Bacardi® 151 rum
1 oz pineapple juice
1 oz orange juice
1/2 oz apricot brandy
1 tsp sugar
2 oz light rum
1 oz dark rum
1 oz lime juice
 
2013-01-02 05:22:42 PM
Yes but only on graaaaaaaaiiiiiinnnnn alcohol
 
2013-01-02 05:22:58 PM

Grapple: More importantly, should I hide in a liquor store when the Zombie Apocalypse occurs?? This is important to know, since I'll already have my zombie ammo, zombie rifle, zombie machete, zombie bow and arrow, zombie underpants, zombie cologne, zombie flamethrower (the kids love that one), etc etc et-farking-cetera.


Yogurt?
 
2013-01-02 05:25:21 PM
There is no such thing as Zombies. Except the ones that say "Tell her no", "She's not there", and "It's the time of the season".
 
2013-01-02 05:26:43 PM

DubtodaIll: Grapple: More importantly, should I hide in a liquor store when the Zombie Apocalypse occurs?? This is important to know, since I'll already have my zombie ammo, zombie rifle, zombie machete, zombie bow and arrow, zombie underpants, zombie cologne, zombie flamethrower (the kids love that one), etc etc et-farking-cetera.

Yogurt?


Ya hoid of me?
 
Bf+
2013-01-02 05:29:07 PM
I just assumed they were already drunk.
 
2013-01-02 05:29:47 PM

calbert: they prefer Johnnie Walker


What you dead there
www.sitcomsonline.com
 
2013-01-02 05:29:56 PM
It's early in 2013, plenty more most important questions to come.
 
2013-01-02 05:31:27 PM
Moaaaaaaaaaaaaan. I'm over zombies for good. I'll finish watching Walking Dead but that's it. Way too mainstream of an idea now. This Halloween (or was it two years ago?) JCPenney had zombie-themed ad campaigns for Christ's sake.

I was into zombies in the 80s when ROTLD and Dawn/Day of Dead were out on VHS. I was a little kid, and it was cool.

These modern-day hipster zombie-fiction lovers just depress me. Why don't you all buy AR-15s and shoot up a bunch of pretend zombies from your pretend survivalist compound. (oh wait, already been done) ?

Or why not pretend real humans are zombies and shoot them, then kill yourselves (oh wait already been done too, Seattle, 2006: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,189111,00.html) ?
 
2013-01-02 05:32:39 PM

Grapple: More importantly, should I hide in a liquor store when the Zombie Apocalypse occurs?? This is important to know, since I'll already have my zombie ammo, zombie rifle, zombie machete, zombie bow and arrow, zombie underpants, zombie cologne, zombie flamethrower (the kids love that one), etc etc et-farking-cetera.


Flamethrowers are a bad idea for zombie defense.
colleenanderson.files.wordpress.com

/hot (duh)
 
2013-01-02 05:33:40 PM
Can zombies get drunk? Good question. I know Rob Zombie, lemme ask him...

He said yeah.

... like 16 times. And then he just went, "WOW!" for no discernable reason. He's probably drunk.
 
TWX
2013-01-02 05:33:46 PM
When I was friends with people that were WAY too in to White Wolf role playing games there were similar discussions about Vampires and alcohol and drugs...

The conclusions were that ingesting alcohol or drugs on their own wouldn't affect a Vampire, nor would they seek them out as they only really wanted blood.

I postulate that a Zombie would only want Braaaains, and wouldn't care about alcohol or drugs, but if the Braaaains of the person being consumed had large quantities of alcohol or drugs within, the Zombie could then feel the effects.
 
2013-01-02 05:34:28 PM
And...And...And...And.........do they eat BACON?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?

AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!! Get it?!? Zombies?!?!?.....And Bacon?!?!?!?!?!
Neither one of those will EVER stop being funny!
 
2013-01-02 05:39:01 PM
1) the part of the body alcohol effects to make you drunk is the brain

2) zombies eat brains

3)you are what you eat.

Therefore, zombies are made entirely of brains and can thus get far drunker than a mere mortal.
 
2013-01-02 05:40:51 PM

Primum: Moaaaaaaaaaaaaan. I'm over zombies for good. I'll finish watching Walking Dead but that's it. Way too mainstream of an idea now. This Halloween (or was it two years ago?) JCPenney had zombie-themed ad campaigns for Christ's sake.

I was into zombies in the 80s when ROTLD and Dawn/Day of Dead were out on VHS. I was a little kid, and it was cool.

These modern-day hipster zombie-fiction lovers just depress me.


Pot, meet kettle.
 
2013-01-02 05:44:10 PM

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: And...And...And...And.........do they eat BACON?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?

AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!! Get it?!? Zombies?!?!?.....And Bacon?!?!?!?!?!
Neither one of those will EVER stop being funny!


Ok, that made me laugh like a maniac for some reason.
 
2013-01-02 05:44:49 PM

blatz514: "How much is in a shiat-ton"


Assuming the shiat has the density of water, there are 32.04 cubic feet in a shiat-ton.
 
2013-01-02 05:46:31 PM

TWX: The conclusions were that ingesting alcohol or drugs on their own wouldn't affect a Vampire, nor would they seek them out as they only really wanted blood.


Anything that has intact human vestibular function will be affected by alcohol.
 
2013-01-02 05:54:00 PM

This text is now purple: blatz514: "How much is in a shiat-ton"

Assuming the shiat has the density of water, there are 32.04 cubic feet in a shiat-ton.


Hmm. Unlikely shiat has the density of water.
 
2013-01-02 05:55:00 PM
If they eat an abbynormal brain they sing Putting On The Ritz.
 
2013-01-02 05:55:06 PM

Treygreen13: This text is now purple: blatz514: "How much is in a shiat-ton"

Assuming the shiat has the density of water, there are 32.04 cubic feet in a shiat-ton.

Hmm. Unlikely shiat has the density of water.


Sometime it floats and sometimes it sinks so its definitely in the ballpark.
 
2013-01-02 05:55:53 PM
On a more serious note, to the people who can't seem to understand why zombies are popular:

Zombies, you see, stand in for regular humans in certain scenarios. Why do you think the zombie phenomenon is always set in (even the cause of) a post-apocalytpic setting? What's really being discussed/fantasized about is a complete breakdown in social order, during which time other human beings will be the primary threat to your survival. But it's a hell of a lot more polite and comforting to couch it in terms of zombies because then hey, it's all just a fun fiction! Zombies can't be real, so no, I'm not talking about killing people!

I'm not a sociologist, but my take on why the zombie theme is increasingly popular is that it's closely tied to the increasing political and ideological polarization amongst americans. There's certainly a "we gotta band together, take care of our own!" narrative in any post-apocalytpic setting, which dovetails perfectly with people's politics. A virulent disease that causes the infected to become a mindless horde, causing the downfall of society and posing a threat to your way of life and very survival is the perfect analog for how each side would describe the other in our inflamed political rhetoric. And as a bonus, they're already dead so we don't have to feel bad about killing them!

There are any number of reasons why you might find it objectionable, or simply be bored with it, but nobody should be confused about why it's so popular.
 
2013-01-02 06:00:19 PM
So would a living human vegetarian stay vegetarian post - zombie?
 
2013-01-02 06:01:27 PM
Why would you want a drunk zombie? What a waste of booze.
 
2013-01-02 06:05:21 PM
what I had new year's eve to offset involuntary zombification:

blogging.la

Corpse Reviver
Gin
Cointreau
Lillet Blanc or cocchi americano blanco
fresh lemon juice
Absinthe
 
2013-01-02 06:11:47 PM

colledge: Why would you want a drunk zombie? What a waste of booze.


Cause they are easier to fark.
 
2013-01-02 06:23:40 PM

Fano: Yes but only on graaaaaaaaiiiiiinnnnn alcohol


/groan...
 
2013-01-02 06:52:42 PM

This text is now purple: TWX: The conclusions were that ingesting alcohol or drugs on their own wouldn't affect a Vampire, nor would they seek them out as they only really wanted blood.

Anything that has intact human vestibular function will be affected by alcohol.


I used to know this girl, no matter how little she drank it went straight to her vestibule and she just went crazy.
 
2013-01-02 07:13:51 PM
Stoopid Q.

Um, No.

Could they be anymore frkked up?
 
2013-01-02 07:20:56 PM
My theory is that not only can Zombies get drunk, but that once they are drunk it is very hard for them to get sober again. They can consume alcohol and it pickles them because they can not digest the alcohol. The enzymes needed for that break down quickly and don't work. Thus zombies get drunk fairly fast and severely. In fact, that's the main difference between fast and slow zombies.

A liquor store might be a fairly good place to hit during a zombie apocalypse because alchohol is high energy, beer and preserved fruit are fairly nutrious, and if you can pour enough alcohol down a zombie's throat, he or she will get falling down drunk and stay that way for a long time. Also, alcohol is flammable and flames are one of the Zombie's worst enemies, especially when they are pickled in alcohol.

Zombies may be naturally attracted to alcohol, however. This makes sense since it would help to preserve their brains and other delicate tissues and because drunk people are stupider and slower than sober people.
 
2013-01-02 07:22:43 PM

brantgoose: My theory is that not only can Zombies get drunk, but that once they are drunk it is very hard for them to get sober again. They can consume alcohol and it pickles them because they can not digest the alcohol. The enzymes needed for that break down quickly and don't work. Thus zombies get drunk fairly fast and severely. In fact, that's the main difference between fast and slow zombies.

A liquor store might be a fairly good place to hit during a zombie apocalypse because alchohol is high energy, beer and preserved fruit are fairly nutrious, and if you can pour enough alcohol down a zombie's throat, he or she will get falling down drunk and stay that way for a long time. Also, alcohol is flammable and flames are one of the Zombie's worst enemies, especially when they are pickled in alcohol.

Zombies may be naturally attracted to alcohol, however. This makes sense since it would help to preserve their brains and other delicate tissues and because drunk people are stupider and slower than sober people.


P.S. You've thought way too hard about this unless you write zombie-porn...
 
2013-01-02 07:23:53 PM

Indubitably: brantgoose: My theory is that not only can Zombies get drunk, but that once they are drunk it is very hard for them to get sober again. They can consume alcohol and it pickles them because they can not digest the alcohol. The enzymes needed for that break down quickly and don't work. Thus zombies get drunk fairly fast and severely. In fact, that's the main difference between fast and slow zombies.

A liquor store might be a fairly good place to hit during a zombie apocalypse because alchohol is high energy, beer and preserved fruit are fairly nutrious, and if you can pour enough alcohol down a zombie's throat, he or she will get falling down drunk and stay that way for a long time. Also, alcohol is flammable and flames are one of the Zombie's worst enemies, especially when they are pickled in alcohol.

Zombies may be naturally attracted to alcohol, however. This makes sense since it would help to preserve their brains and other delicate tissues and because drunk people are stupider and slower than sober people.

P.S. You've thought way too hard about this unless you write zombie-porn...


P.P.S.  The point just flew over your head at Mach 1.5.
 
2013-01-02 07:24:56 PM

fusillade762: [img.allvoices.com image 609x480]

If that's the only part of your brain that works?


That would be the typical *fill in the blank*.
 
2013-01-02 07:41:03 PM

Farker4Life2: fusillade762: [img.allvoices.com image 609x480]

If that's the only part of your brain that works?

That would be the typical *fill in the blank*.


Fark IndependentTM
 
2013-01-02 08:00:44 PM
can zombies do methamphetamine??
 
2013-01-02 08:15:59 PM
They prefer Cranberry vodka
 
2013-01-02 08:23:34 PM
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-01-02 08:31:17 PM

WordsnCollision: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 540x720]


Concrete

towers

fall

everyday

for concrete

is impermanent.
 
2013-01-02 09:56:02 PM
That is not the most important question of '13.

The most important question is would you still move into the shadow realm (disappear) if you put any part of your body through Sauron's ring of power? Or, does it only do that if it's on your finger?


/Penis
 
2013-01-02 10:39:11 PM
I see you fapping. Again. Want me to send Thing up when I'm done?

www.deviantart.com
 
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