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(TC Palm)   The ménage à trois was going swimmingly. Then the baseball bat came out   (blogs.tcpalm.com) divider line 79
    More: Florida, Vero Beach, Suzanne Somers  
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18404 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Jan 2013 at 11:59 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-01-02 08:46:15 AM
Then the baseball bat came out

Sorry, I clicked away as soon as the baseball bat went in. I'm not into that sort of porn.
 
2013-01-02 09:20:51 AM
Best part of TFA:
"Fed up with constant requests to have sex with Briley's wife, the 37-year-old man said he told Briley he'd take Briley's wife to his room for lovemaking, also known as sexual congress, intercourse, coitus, fornication, copulation, procreation, nooky, cohabitation and mating. "
 
2013-01-02 09:41:53 AM
He did it like this. He did it like that. He did it with a whiffle ball bat.
 
2013-01-02 09:51:20 AM

slayer199: Best part of TFA:
"Fed up with constant requests to have sex with Briley's wife, the 37-year-old man said he told Briley he'd take Briley's wife to his room for lovemaking, also known as sexual congress, intercourse, coitus, fornication, copulation, procreation, nooky, cohabitation and mating. "


Now I have the Bloodhound Gang stuck in my head
 
NFA [TotalFark]
2013-01-02 09:56:15 AM
"A threesome is not to be confused with "Three's Company," the 1976-1984 situation comedy starring John Ritter, Joyce DeWitt and Suzanne Somers, or with 3 Musketeers, a candy bar famous for its fluffy, whipped chocolate center or withhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78Y-v5twoGw" style="outline: none; color: rgb(67, 83, 132); font-family: arial, helvetica, verdana, Georgia, sans-serif; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">"Three Days,"  the hugely epic and vastly awesome Jane's Addiction song from the 1990 album "Ritual de lo Habitual." "


Was this written by a 13 year old?
 
2013-01-02 10:02:52 AM
He wanted a two-guy threesome!

community.secondlife.com
 
2013-01-02 10:17:55 AM
Was Gloria involved?

ll-media.tmz.com
 
2013-01-02 10:19:02 AM
I'll have to see pics of the wife before rendering an opinion.
 
2013-01-02 10:38:52 AM
His wife? She was hot, and I dug her.
When I got the offer to plug her,
I jumped at the chance.
But when off came the pants,
Then out came the Louisville Slugger.
 
2013-01-02 10:40:00 AM
A threesome is not to be confused with ... "Three Days," the hugely epic and vastly awesome Jane's Addiction song from the 1990 album "Ritual de lo Habitual."

But "Three Days" was about a threesome.

The song was inspired by Xiola Blue, who came to Los Angeles for her father's funeral, and spent three days with Farrell and his girlfriend Casey Niccoli, spending their time together in a "haze of sex and drugs"
 
2013-01-02 10:44:32 AM

NFA: "A threesome is not to be confused with "Three's Company," the 1976-1984 situation comedy starring John Ritter, Joyce DeWitt and Suzanne Somers, or with 3 Musketeers, a candy bar famous for its fluffy, whipped chocolate center or withhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78Y-v5twoGw" style="outline: none; color: rgb(67, 83, 132); font-family: arial, helvetica, verdana, Georgia, sans-serif; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">"Three Days,"  the hugely epic and vastly awesome Jane's Addiction song from the 1990 album "Ritual de lo Habitual." "

Was this written by a 13 year old?



Really, what's with the oddly non-sequitur pop culture references? WTF is up with journalists nowadays? I mean I can't read or write but I'm not getting paid to.
pop culture references?
 
2013-01-02 11:03:34 AM

NFA: "A threesome is not to be confused with "Three's Company," the 1976-1984 situation comedy starring John Ritter, Joyce DeWitt and Suzanne Somers, or with 3 Musketeers, a candy bar famous for its fluffy, whipped chocolate center or withhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78Y-v5twoGw" style="outline: none; color: rgb(67, 83, 132); font-family: arial, helvetica, verdana, Georgia, sans-serif; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">"Three Days,"  the hugely epic and vastly awesome Jane's Addiction song from the 1990 album "Ritual de lo Habitual." "


Was this written by a 13 year old?


Shiat, I'm glad I read this. I had been going up to broads asking for a threesome for ages because I wanted someone to watch my Three's Company DVDs with. I never understood why they slapped me and told me I wasn't rich enough.
 
2013-01-02 11:20:52 AM

MaxxLarge: His wife? She was hot, and I dug her.
When I got the offer to plug her,
I jumped at the chance.
But when off came the pants,
Then out came the Louisville Slugger.


He's back!!
 
2013-01-02 11:31:32 AM

MaxxLarge: His wife? She was hot, and I dug her.
When I got the offer to plug her,
I jumped at the chance.
But when off came the pants,
Then out came the Louisville Slugger.


Nice.
 
2013-01-02 11:43:03 AM

NFA: "A threesome is not to be confused with "Three's Company," the 1976-1984 situation comedy starring John Ritter, Joyce DeWitt and Suzanne Somers, or with 3 Musketeers, a candy bar famous for its fluffy, whipped chocolate center or withhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78Y-v5twoGw" style="outline: none; color: rgb(67, 83, 132); font-family: arial, helvetica, verdana, Georgia, sans-serif; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">"Three Days,"  the hugely epic and vastly awesome Jane's Addiction song from the 1990 album "Ritual de lo Habitual." "


Was this written by a 13 year old?


I noticed that too.  I assume the author was being paid by the word.

Interestingly, it is also incorrect.  Jane's Addiction's "Three Days" is, in fact, a song about having a threesome.
 
2013-01-02 11:44:35 AM
Damn you,  Kreighund!!  Damn you to hell!
 
2013-01-02 11:47:49 AM
You know, that article was the worst thing I have ever read.  It was written so badly, I am tempted to drive to Florida and take a Louisville Slugger to the head of the author.

Seriously.  Writing that bad should merit the death penalty.
 
2013-01-02 11:53:58 AM
Note this is on "blogs.tcpalm.com", so, we can assume this abortion of an article never actually made the newspaper.

But, that is what losing actual print news is going to do to us.... at least with a print edition, you know someone has to approve it.  If everything just goes to the web, it is amateur hour.
 
2013-01-02 12:06:05 PM
I've seen threesome videos in which things got more passionate after the the baseball bat (or jumbo dildo, or fist, or traffic cone) came out. They made me rather wistful, thinking that it would be awful to have such a beautiful, sexually open woman, but to be unable to feel a wall and finish properly. Such ladies must suffer terrible relationship difficulties.
 
2013-01-02 12:07:30 PM
so hubby was upset because he was not going to get his blowjob while the friend was boning his wife?

thats messed up.
 
2013-01-02 12:09:37 PM

NFA: "A threesome is not to be confused with "Three's Company," the 1976-1984 situation comedy starring John Ritter, Joyce DeWitt and Suzanne Somers, or with 3 Musketeers, a candy bar famous for its fluffy, whipped chocolate center or withhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78Y-v5twoGw" style="outline: none; color: rgb(67, 83, 132); font-family: arial, helvetica, verdana, Georgia, sans-serif; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">"Three Days,"  the hugely epic and vastly awesome Jane's Addiction song from the 1990 album "Ritual de lo Habitual." "


Was this written by a 13 year old?


A reporter with ADD/ADHD
 
2013-01-02 12:09:51 PM
I don't know, I never did get "shares well with others" in school.
If I'm supporting that thing, I expect it to be exclusive to me.
 
2013-01-02 12:11:34 PM
So, he's a slugger not a swinger?
 
2013-01-02 12:15:09 PM

gilgigamesh: You know, that article was the worst thing I have ever read.  It was written so badly, I am tempted to drive to Florida and take a Louisville Slugger to the head of the author.

Seriously.  Writing that bad should merit the death penalty.


It's Greenlee, it's at least his 5th to get greenlighted onto Fark, and every one of them contains something like that.
 
2013-01-02 12:19:57 PM

give me doughnuts: I'll have to see pics of the wife before rendering an opinion.


Nope. Too risky.
 
2013-01-02 12:21:12 PM
Swimmingly? Swimming in alcohol, apparently. Or drowning, more likely.
 
2013-01-02 12:22:16 PM
Florida is a weird state to say the least. However, I do not think even their crazy lawmakers intended the 3 strikes law to cover this act.

Guessing wifey was butt-ugly and/or fat
 
2013-01-02 12:22:39 PM

ShannonKW: I've seen threesome videos in which things got more passionate after the the baseball bat (or jumbo dildo, or fist, or traffic cone) came out. They made me rather wistful, thinking that it would be awful to have such a beautiful, sexually open woman, but to be unable to feel a wall and finish properly. Such ladies must suffer terrible relationship difficulties.


Be not afraid of the Oversized Insertion, for The Beaver is quite elastic, capable of extruding a human baby and returning, with proper rest and exercise, to it's original, factory-fresh pleasing dimension and tension.

Meanwhile, I am confuse. Robert asks the second gentleman to enjoin Mrs. Robert in sexual congress. He makes this request for a period of months. When the second gentleman finally consents to make fark with Mrs. Robert, Robert becomes enraged and batful. No, I do not understand, unless that is all part of an enormously complicated kink. Enraged Cuckold fantasy? I don't get it.
 
2013-01-02 12:23:54 PM

Mugato: NFA: "A threesome is not to be confused with "Three's Company," the 1976-1984 situation comedy starring John Ritter, Joyce DeWitt and Suzanne Somers, or with 3 Musketeers, a candy bar famous for its fluffy, whipped chocolate center or withhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78Y-v5twoGw" style="outline: none; color: rgb(67, 83, 132); font-family: arial, helvetica, verdana, Georgia, sans-serif; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">"Three Days,"  the hugely epic and vastly awesome Jane's Addiction song from the 1990 album "Ritual de lo Habitual." "

Was this written by a 13 year old?


Really, what's with the oddly non-sequitur pop culture references? WTF is up with journalists nowadays? I mean I can't read or write but I'm not getting paid to.
pop culture references?


I think that's supposed to be a humourous column. It's called "Off the Beat" ..
 
2013-01-02 12:24:37 PM
An odd point. Husband is asking friend to have sex with his wife as part of a threesome.

Know how I know?

That aside, it almost sounds like said wife was walking about naked, from some of the comments. She said Briley asked his friend to touch her vagina, but the friend refused.

Rather bizarre that, as she seemed to be willing.
 
2013-01-02 12:26:56 PM
Ménage à trois?

Yes Deanna.
 
2013-01-02 12:26:58 PM
Kinky.
 
2013-01-02 12:27:02 PM
That's not a threesome, that's a train.

/obscure?
 
2013-01-02 12:31:42 PM

turbocucumber: Swimmingly? Swimming in alcohol, apparently. Or drowning, more likely.


Alcohol. Is there anything it can't do?!!
 
2013-01-02 12:32:47 PM

ronaprhys: An odd point. Husband is asking friend to have sex with his wife as part of a threesome.

Know how I know?

That aside, it almost sounds like said wife was walking about naked, from some of the comments. She said Briley asked his friend to touch her vagina, but the friend refused.

Rather bizarre that, as she seemed to be willing.


if I was asked to touch a friend's wife's genitalia, i would deny the request. sometimes it's not worth it.
 
2013-01-02 12:33:07 PM

AngryJailhouseFistfark: ShannonKW: I've seen threesome videos in which things got more passionate after the the baseball bat (or jumbo dildo, or fist, or traffic cone) came out. They made me rather wistful, thinking that it would be awful to have such a beautiful, sexually open woman, but to be unable to feel a wall and finish properly. Such ladies must suffer terrible relationship difficulties.

Be not afraid of the Oversized Insertion, for The Beaver is quite elastic, capable of extruding a human baby and returning, with proper rest and exercise, to it's original, factory-fresh pleasing dimension and tension.

Meanwhile, I am confuse. Robert asks the second gentleman to enjoin Mrs. Robert in sexual congress. He makes this request for a period of months. When the second gentleman finally consents to make fark with Mrs. Robert, Robert becomes enraged and batful. No, I do not understand, unless that is all part of an enormously complicated kink. Enraged Cuckold fantasy? I don't get it.


hubby is pissed because dude did not want a threesome.. he only wanted to go into the other room and bonk the wife without hubby getting to watch/participate
 
2013-01-02 12:34:13 PM
Sounds like some nasty hillbilly sex thing was about to start
 
2013-01-02 12:35:10 PM

mbillips: That's not a threesome, that's a train.

/obscure?


No, I always though a train was a group of bikers, banging someones old lady. Somewhere between 8-10 guys (?)
 
2013-01-02 12:37:08 PM
The devil's menage never works out.
 
2013-01-02 12:37:32 PM
Ok that Threes Company reference made me laugh. The "writer" must have just needed some filler or was just very very bored and did it for some shaits and giggles or he is a moron. This is Florida so it can go either way.
 
2013-01-02 12:38:37 PM

mbillips: That's not a threesome, that's a train.

/obscure?


Yep, I was right
Pull the train
Having sex with several men one after another. First used in the motorcycle gangs of the 1960's. When a woman wanted to gain status as a gang "Mamma" she was required to have sex with all the male members of the gang.
 
2013-01-02 12:39:06 PM
You're not as funny as you like to think you are, Will.
 
2013-01-02 12:42:24 PM

swahnhennessy: You're not as funny as you like to think you are, Will.


I could be mistaken, but I think a "Well played sir" is in order.
 
2013-01-02 12:43:46 PM
So there was some runs, some hits, and a lot of errors.
 
2013-01-02 12:45:34 PM
Maude Lebowski: Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: 'Scuse me?
Maude Lebowski: Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it?
The Dude: I was talking about my rug.
Maude Lebowski: You're not interested in sex?
The Dude: You mean coitus?
 
2013-01-02 12:47:33 PM
It's not gay if it's a 3 way.
 
2013-01-02 12:48:42 PM

cig-mkr: mbillips: That's not a threesome, that's a train.

/obscure?

Yep, I was right
Pull the train
Having sex with several men one after another. First used in the motorcycle gangs of the 1960's. When a woman wanted to gain status as a gang "Mamma" she was required to have sex with all the male members of the gang.


I guess it is obscure. That was a line from some comedian or other. His point was that sex with multiple men isn't group sex, because ew, gay. Gangbanging, now that's he-man stuff.
 
2013-01-02 12:51:19 PM

pute kisses like a man: ronaprhys: An odd point. Husband is asking friend to have sex with his wife as part of a threesome.

Know how I know?

That aside, it almost sounds like said wife was walking about naked, from some of the comments. She said Briley asked his friend to touch her vagina, but the friend refused.

Rather bizarre that, as she seemed to be willing.

if I was asked to touch a friend's wife's genitalia, i would deny the request. sometimes it's not worth it.


Well yes, because with the majority of the population that ends up being a long term fail. Sure, there are swingers out there but unless you are and you know your friend to be, it's not worth it.

Especially not if your friend's wife isn't hawt.
 
2013-01-02 01:01:59 PM
So helping him turn his wife into a pig on a spit is fine, but the cuckolding was a step over the line and needed to be dealt with by attempting to bash his head with a bat? ...And the whole altercation took place after a day long drinking binge in Florida?

Way to buck the stereotype, Rednecks...
 
2013-01-02 01:02:34 PM
Was it George's sticky bat? Was the guy bothered by it named billy?
 
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