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(ABC)   Mother gives her son an iPhone and a lesson in life   (abcnews.go.com) divider line 93
    More: Hero, iPhone, good friends  
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31602 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Jan 2013 at 8:37 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-01-02 09:06:30 AM  
7 votes:
Negotiate, kid. She already had the phone, if you refused to sign there would have been a counter-offer. You failed the first life lesson.
2013-01-02 08:53:52 AM  
7 votes:
"It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?"

This one. Right here. Why bother "gifting" the phone if you are just going to remind him that "IT IS MY PHONE. I WORKED TO PAY FOR IT. NAH NAH!"? My Dad used to pull this EXACT stunt and I still resent him for it. It is a dick move and if you can't afford to give it away, don't gift it. Simple as that.
2013-01-02 08:49:05 AM  
7 votes:
I dunno, a parent expecting her kid to take personal responsibility and be a respectful member of society instead of a bot is starting to seem more and more like news.
2013-01-02 10:28:04 AM  
6 votes:
FTFA: "It is myphone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?"

This statement concisely describes her real motivations behind this entire situation, and her general motivations in life (including the decision to have children in the first place).
2013-01-02 08:52:22 AM  
6 votes:
Keep your phone on silent and put away while in public. When you're home, you're allowed to use it until 7:30. But in that window of a few hours each day when I permit you to use your phone, you still shouldn't. Oh and despite my helicopter parenting dangling this carrot on a stick in front of you, you totally shouldn't become obsessed with the carrot.
2013-01-02 08:42:15 AM  
6 votes:
FTFA:

"The first rule on his mother's list: "It is myphone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?"

"I hope that you understand it is my job to raise you into a well rounded, healthy young man that can function in the world and coexist with technology, not be ruled by it," Janell Hoffman wrote. "Failure to comply with the following list will result in termination of
your iPhone ownership."

Confusing contract language. I expect him to sue for ownership when she takes it from him in three months.
2013-01-02 08:18:33 AM  
6 votes:
Hero tag? Are you farking kidding me?
2013-01-02 05:20:24 PM  
5 votes:

VespaGuy: :::sigh:::
Another one who thinks that if the kid "owns" his phone that he becomes invincible to his parents rules.


You sound like you were lucky enough not to have passive-aggressive extremely manipulative parents. Maybe you need to have experienced manipulative giving a few times before you get sensitive to it, I don't know.

No one in this thread has advocated for not having rules, or for saying that a parent can't restrict use of the phone/take a phone away for punishment. Heck, no one in here is even saying the kid necessarily needs an iPhone.

Heck, those people coming out against the mom are largely saying the smart thing for the kid to do is say NO to the phone, not insist on misusing it.

It's not about the rules, it's about the way they were presented. Which goes hand-in-hand with the attention whoring, because it's all about the "look at me" thing. There's the "look at me" to the world from a "mommy-blogger" which is annoying, and then there's the "look at me" to the kid, essentially getting all smug and full of herself because in a comparison with a kid, she's rich.

Heck, I would not have a problem with mom telling her kid he has to turn his own personally-bought phone off and put it in a basket in the evening because in our house we have live face-to-face family conversation at the dinner table, if that's the house rules. It ain't about rules.
2013-01-02 10:44:47 AM  
5 votes:
1. Greatest mom? More like "insufferable coont" for making a written list and "permanent embarrassment" for publicizing it.
2. You'll always know the password? Maybe to the lock screen. Good luck with the app and service profile passwords.
3. Answer voice calls? All that waxing nostalgic about wonder and reflection and admonishing against being a douchebag - yet you insist your kid be the one who interrupts all that in-person, unplugged time to slavishly answer *voice calls*? Voice calls are implicitly rude and presumptuous. The proper approach is to skeptically determine whether you want to talk to that person *right then*.
4. Hand the phone to a parent at 7:30? This will last a week. Then it will be "put it on the kitchen table at 7:30" for a couple weeks. Then you'll give up. Because it's nonsense and a pain in the ass. Way to go, setting obtuse boundaries for the sake of appearances.
5. It doesn't go to school? What exactly is the point of a cell phone the kid doesn't have with them? If it's a money thing, maybe you should've gotten an iPod Touch and line2?
6. "Save to fix/replace it" -- Sane parenting advice.
7. Don't lie? Whether your kid's personality incorporates deception and doucebaggery is pretty much set by thirteen. Saying it now is too little too late and if the kid *is* honest, you just took a shiat on them by supposing they're just itching not to be, or admitting you don't know if they are.
8. Don't say digitally what you wouldn't say in person -- Sane parenting advice.
9. "Censor yourself"? Wrong framing. It's not about shiat you can't say. It's about forethought; "shiat that might come back to bite you in the ass". Sometimes it's *right* to call someone a coont. Even (sometimes particularly) if their parents are in the room.
10. No porn? Good farking grief and Good farking luck.
11. Don't be a douchebag in public? Sane parenting advice.
12. Don't sext? Abstinence-only sext education doesn't work.
13. Live experiences rather than record everything? meh. six of one, half-dozen of the other.
14. Leave your phone at home sometimes? Random chance is going to leave you phone-less often enough. No need to be explicit about it.
15. Don't just listen to what your friends listen to? But what if his friends are _also_ trying to be different? Heart's in the right place on this one, but you just took a shiat over all his current and future friends and admitted you have no farking clue what he listens to *or* what other teenagers listen to.
16. Play word games and brain teasers? Jesus, what a controlling coont. Firstly, those are like "new iPhone 101" things. You don't need to lay that out in the "don't be a douchebag" speech. Secondly, just because the NYTimes had a crossword and not a Bad Piggies board doesn't mean the crossword is inherently better.
17. Don't just have your head in the phone? Solid parenting advice. if not for that earlier nonsense about *always* answering voice calls.
18. "i am on your team"? Not with this list you're not. It's very clear that it's *your* team and you're not ready to see if he'd join it by his own choice. Half this list makes me wonder if you even *know* your own kid.
2013-01-02 09:23:13 AM  
5 votes:

Pythagoras: LazarusLong42: Also, "Wonder without Googling?" Congratulations, you've missed the point if the Internet.

I actually miss trying to figure what happened or why something happens or who that person is without resorting to the Internet. Made for good conversation. These days, most of the conversations I have is, "Man, did you see that awesome video?"

We are getting dumber and kudos to the mom who is trying to fix that.


Bullshiat, we are getting smarter. We used to sit around arguing and wondering and now we look things up and actually know what the fark we are talking about. We have beautiful devices like wiki and factcheck and snopes so we don't have to walk around like idiots believing in bullshiat, and can correct the idiots spreading it. If most of your conversations include "man did you see that awesome video?" then you need new friends not more wondering.
2013-01-02 08:44:53 AM  
5 votes:

JerseyTim: Oh, look, a mommy blogger did sormthing. How fascinating.


I hate this trend of "Mommy blogging"
Jesus Christ lady, we get it. You are hip / modern / edgy and have a good "dialogue" with your kids. Sweet. Doesn't mean little Timmy isn't gonna smoke crystal meth or kill an escort (sorry, hooker). And it doesn't mean that this is news.

/wonders when her book is coming out
//bad subby for video auto-play
2013-01-02 05:24:34 AM  
5 votes:
She sounds insufferable!
2013-01-02 10:10:48 AM  
4 votes:

Molavian: sigdiamond2000: It's so much easier to just not have kids.

I bet it is. Of course, you become a developmentally challenged adult. Basically you remain a socially stunted semi-child for the rest of your life.


Yes... because having kids is the only purpose in life and the only thing that makes you an adult. Right.

/has two kids
//doesn't see how that's somehow a requirement for adulthood
2013-01-02 09:18:21 AM  
4 votes:
It's so much easier to just not have kids.
zez
2013-01-02 09:04:34 AM  
4 votes:
There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.

And that's why she posted that to her blog and probably facebook and twitter too and then called up the news station so they could post it as well along with a picture and video.

/I learned it from you mom, I learned it from yoooouuuuuuuuu
2013-01-02 08:56:44 AM  
4 votes:
can't agree with number 6 "If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared."

In number 1 she states that the phone is her property then, in 6 she obligates another individual to pay for damages etc.

He should reject the contract and phone since she said that he would eventually lose/break it and that he would pay. He should just bite the bullet and just do all that babysitting working etc now and cut out the middleman or woman in this case and have the phone as his own property. Also when it becomes time for him to take care of her in her old age he should bring all sorts of contracts for her care. etc.

It's a family not a business.
2013-01-02 06:16:27 AM  
4 votes:
AW-like blogging detected.

Is that an oxymoron?
2013-01-02 05:51:11 AM  
4 votes:
Oh, look, a mommy blogger did sormthing. How fascinating.
2013-01-02 02:15:55 PM  
3 votes:
Parents really need to understand that their children are not blank slates from which they may chisel a masterpiece. Children are more like yeast - they're a seed from which something awesome MAY ferment if you give it the proper conditions.
2013-01-02 12:46:15 PM  
3 votes:
So. Here is a magical piece of communication and information technology. Don't use it when there are people around. Don't use it to find facts and information when piqued by curiosity. If you find yourself alone and tempted to use it, go do something else. Do not use it for ANYTHING a 13 year old would be most likely to do with it. You can turn it on at 7:30am but most likely have school at 8am and you're not taking it there, and you get out at what. 2:30pm? 3pm? So for the next four and a half hours you have a phone, I expect you not to be using it for anything unless I call, or your dad calls, as it is not meant to be used as a replacement for human communication. But this is totally an awesome privilege and responsibility I'm handing you (which you don't really own btw so don't try pulling any of that "ITS MY PHONE" sh*t) and if you break it, you owe me $650.

This seems like the sort of thing you hand an intelligent child so he can reason out the fact that there's no point to the gift you've given him so he can say no thanks BEFORE you buy one.

Sounds like she meant to buy him one of these.

media.tumblr.com
2013-01-02 11:07:34 AM  
3 votes:

DeathCipris: jack21221: DeathCipris: This one. Right here. Why bother "gifting" the phone if you are just going to remind him that "IT IS MY PHONE. I WORKED TO PAY FOR IT. NAH NAH!"? My Dad used to pull this EXACT stunt and I still resent him for it. It is a dick move and if you can't afford to give it away, don't gift it. Simple as that.

Do you think the 13 year old would rather have had a loaned phone or no phone at all?

Coming from the the same situation, I would rather go out and get it on my own or go without. It isn't a requisite like the car that I had to have to get to and from work when I was 15. I bought my own phone and my own car as soon as I could afford it because I was tired of hearing it doesn't belong to me and is just on loan.
And don't you dare say "Well it made you a better person!" No. It didn't. It made me bitter, cynical, and resentful of him.


Actually, it made you into the kind of person who worked harder to get what you wanted, rather than settle for something being handed to you for free with strings attached. Sounds like it worked to me.
2013-01-02 11:01:11 AM  
3 votes:
"Wonder without Googling."

Why? I can look up nearly anything I'm curious about. The other day, I wondered why ducks don't get frostbite on their feet in the winter. I looked it up and now I know. Otherwise I would go through life suspecting that ducks have magic powers.
2013-01-02 10:15:00 AM  
3 votes:
What a control freak. Don't take pictures or video? Why did you buy him this phone if you aren't going to allow him to actually enjoy it?
2013-01-02 08:57:48 AM  
3 votes:
Seriously, these mommy bloggers need to be ignored until they go away. Just because your eggs hatched doesn't make what you do or how you raise them worthy of attention by the masses.

Also, those rules she set indicate that she really doesn't understand smartphones, youth culture, or the fact that cell phones are useful / desirable primarily because they offer a private, uncensored way to communicate. My god lady, you don't want your son taking photos, videos, making calls after dinner or surfing naughty stuff online? Just what the hell do you expect him to actually DO with the damned thing?
2013-01-02 08:55:30 AM  
3 votes:
Not in writing, but my parents put similar stipulations on me and my siblings when we started to drive. I was lucky enough to get a hand-me-down car, and it came with three basic rules.

I was responsible for gas and maintenance. If they caught me driving after drinking, it was their car again. And the one I still think was really smart: they paid my insurance as long as I was in school and I didn't get a ticket that raised the insurance rates.

It really makes you think twice about speeding if a ticket can mean paying your own insurance for the next few years.
2013-01-02 08:49:47 AM  
3 votes:
Really, I have to answer every incoming call? Take it back and get me something else.
2013-01-02 04:04:52 PM  
2 votes:

mistersnark: DeathCipris:

I could not agree more. It belongs to him when it is convenient for the mother. It is an power move so she can maintain control of her son a little while longer. It is a sad, pathetic attempt and any other adult should publicly shame this woman for such deplorable behavior.

The thing is this - if they're thinking about it, a parent gives a kid a phone for their own convenience, not the kid's convenience or entertainment. Those things are ancillary.

ITT: People with Mommy/Daddy issues.


Then the parent shouldn't lie that it's a gift, exaggerate their generosity, BLOG about it, and then call the local newspaper. My parents gave me an emergencies-only prepaid cell phone, and didn't insult my intelligence by pretending it was a Christmas present.
2013-01-02 03:07:04 PM  
2 votes:

VespaGuy: It's just a reflection of the entitlement generation and pandering to snowflakes. How *dare* she purchase an expensive piece of electronics (that she continually pays for monthly) and not only set rules, but remind me that it's not mine!!


Let me re-phrase it for you: She bought herself an iphone, turned it into a goddamned dog collar, and handed it to her child.

Can someone start up a drive for this kid? I'd donate 50 cents to buying him a cheap android phone or used iphone. Then, I'd make damned sure that the local news organization which covered the story published a follow-up article about how the internet got together, gave this kid an ACTUAL christmas gift and not a glorified dog collar, and made his mom look like the ass she is while doing so.

But I'm lazy.
2013-01-02 01:58:11 PM  
2 votes:
If this was me, and yes I can be quite disrespectful, I would throw it back and tell her where to shove that phone. Just because she is your mommy, doesn't mean she doesn't need a reality check and a reminder how much of a helicopter parent she is. Does she follow him and go to his friends with him as well? This is assuming that he has friends still, and doesn't get picked on, but he will now if he didn't before. He should sell the phone and buy his own, and make it a prepaid one as well.

My parents took my TV out of my room when I was around 12yrs old. What did I do? I took theirs and hid it until I got mine back. I wouldn't budge and didn't care about the TV anymore, it was all about the principle. If you buy me something, it is mine, not yours.

However by the mothers actions, it makes me believe that they were celebrating Hanukkah, not Christmas.
2013-01-02 01:13:02 PM  
2 votes:

VespaGuy: JasonKY: I wonder how many of you who (rightfully) are criticizing this woman for the "it's a gift...it's still MINE" thing supported that laptop-shooting cretin for using the same logic.

I know, right? I gave my toddler a bunch of gifts for Christmas, and now I'm screwed because I can't take them away from him if he misbehaves or even sell them when he outgrows them. I mean, they're "gifts", right? They belong exclusively to him. No takesies-backsies. I guess I'll just have to wait until he's older and able to give me permission to throw them out or sell them.

Or maybe the concept of a "gift" is different when children are involved...


There is a difference between "Here is a gift that doesn't belong to you." and disciplining your child. The difference between the two is there is the reminder that it isn't yours. It should be conveyed, whether through words or verbal instruction, that if you screw up; you lose the phone. That would have sufficed instead of I own things and you don't. There is no reason to go on some power trip and lord it over him that you made this happen and without your help he is somehow powerless and unable to do anything. This was evidenced by the "Aren't I the greatest?" line in her letter. It points out she is just in this for her own sick desire to point out how great she is and that she still has power over her son, not doing something nice for him. I have seen this and dealt with this for the last 25 years of my life. I am well-aware these type of people and their modus operandi.
2013-01-02 12:23:50 PM  
2 votes:

JasonKY: I wonder how many of you who (rightfully) are criticizing this woman for the "it's a gift...it's still MINE" thing supported that laptop-shooting cretin for using the same logic.


I know, right? I gave my toddler a bunch of gifts for Christmas, and now I'm screwed because I can't take them away from him if he misbehaves or even sell them when he outgrows them. I mean, they're "gifts", right? They belong exclusively to him. No takesies-backsies. I guess I'll just have to wait until he's older and able to give me permission to throw them out or sell them.

Or maybe the concept of a "gift" is different when children are involved...
2013-01-02 11:36:36 AM  
2 votes:
Was the life lesson 'don't ever accept a "gift" that has more strings attached than a grand piano'?
2013-01-02 10:58:08 AM  
2 votes:

jack21221: DeathCipris: This one. Right here. Why bother "gifting" the phone if you are just going to remind him that "IT IS MY PHONE. I WORKED TO PAY FOR IT. NAH NAH!"? My Dad used to pull this EXACT stunt and I still resent him for it. It is a dick move and if you can't afford to give it away, don't gift it. Simple as that.

Do you think the 13 year old would rather have had a loaned phone or no phone at all?


Coming from the the same situation, I would rather go out and get it on my own or go without. It isn't a requisite like the car that I had to have to get to and from work when I was 15. I bought my own phone and my own car as soon as I could afford it because I was tired of hearing it doesn't belong to me and is just on loan.
And don't you dare say "Well it made you a better person!" No. It didn't. It made me bitter, cynical, and resentful of him.
2013-01-02 10:46:54 AM  
2 votes:

Pythagoras: LazarusLong42: Also, "Wonder without Googling?" Congratulations, you've missed the point if the Internet.

I actually miss trying to figure what happened or why something happens or who that person is without resorting to the Internet. Made for good conversation.


WHY?!

"Oh man, what was that other movie that guy was in, with that other guy..." "Oh, i know what youre talking about, its on the tip of my tongue." "fark, this is gonna bug me all night"

You miss those conversations?

"Never memorize something that you can look up." ~ Albert Einstein
2013-01-02 10:40:24 AM  
2 votes:

Molavian: LazarusLong42: Yes... because having kids is the only purpose in life and the only thing that makes you an adult. Right.

You didn't notice any changes in how you deal with life? Because I sure notice different levels of maturity in childless friends.

Lexx: Apparently "being an adult" is equated with sacrificing your happiness in order to raise the next generation, rather than living for your own sake.

Yes, that's exactly what I said. Good job.


Ooooooooh, a troll. My mistake for biting. Damn.
2013-01-02 10:37:56 AM  
2 votes:

Land Ark: I dunno, a parent expecting her kid to take personal responsibility and be a respectful member of society instead of a bot is starting to seem more and more like news.


Then she shouldn't have bought the kid a 600 dollar smartphone.
2013-01-02 10:19:58 AM  
2 votes:
I agree. If the first thing one says about a "gift" is "It's still mine", then it's not a gift. And, dear parents. that sort of thinking scars people for life. My sister and I paid out a lot of our hard-earned to rid ourselves of that horrible sensation that one could be undressed on the street by the "owners" of the clothes we wore.

Second, whether 13 or 31 or 81, there is nothing I would want enough to make me knuckle under that dictatorial biatch. I had one like that, and I literally crossed out the days until my 18th birthday. (I ran away once while still a minor. The cops brought me back. Thanks a lot, piggies). I would tell her "It's your phone, well... here. Have a lot of fun with it". Chopper parents deserve the same treatment the Mujaheddin gave real choppers in the eighties: Stinger up the arse.
2013-01-02 10:13:14 AM  
2 votes:

LazarusLong42: Molavian: sigdiamond2000: It's so much easier to just not have kids.

I bet it is. Of course, you become a developmentally challenged adult. Basically you remain a socially stunted semi-child for the rest of your life.

Yes... because having kids is the only purpose in life and the only thing that makes you an adult. Right.

/has two kids
//doesn't see how that's somehow a requirement for adulthood


Apparently "being an adult" is equated with sacrificing your happiness in order to raise the next generation, rather than living for your own sake.
2013-01-02 10:10:13 AM  
2 votes:
Poor kid, with guidance like that he's destined to be a virgin well into his 50s.

/which is what Mom wants him to be
//at least until all her friends start proudly clucking about their grandchildren ten years from now
///also what FARK wants him to be, obviously... misery, company, etc.
2013-01-02 10:06:59 AM  
2 votes:
if your mom writes you a letter that includes the phrase "i love you madly", you've got bigger problems coming than violating your 18 point agreement
2013-01-02 09:49:19 AM  
2 votes:

browntimmy: Dear moms, remember what you were like as a teenager? That's what you're kid is like. Remember when your mom said don't do that, but you did it anyway? That's what your kid is like.


No no no! It's DIFFERENT when you're the parent! Everything will be perfect. The father with young daughter thinks he can shelter her until she's 21 and married, because he KNOWS what boys are like, having been one himself, and his little princess will always be 10yrs old and "daddy's little girl". She'd NEVER do anything behind his back. Oh no. He's in CONTROL.

Except he's not. They act crazy and irresponsible like nearly every other teenager and college student in the farking world. And then when they grow up and they're done rebelling or going nuts, they turn into overcompensating mommy or daddy and do the same exact thing to their kids, under the same illusions.


/grandparents just sit back and laugh
2013-01-02 09:40:41 AM  
2 votes:
Wonder without googling? Seriously? "This band is cool. I wonder what the name of it is?" "I wonder who said 'Give me liberty or give me death'?" Seriously, lady? This is an instant research tool!

And turning it in before 9pm on a weekend? He's farking 13! 8th grade! What does he do after 9 on a Friday? Go to bed? And certainly no Friday night games or anything like that. Better not go to the movies that start at 7:30. You'll miss your turn in deadline.

And, access to music like no other? Seriously? You're encouraging him to torrent and break the law? Because, otherwise, iTunes and other legit sources are exactly the same as a music store. You know the ones that closed up after Napster started? What do you think kids bought? And they had snobby music kids running the store to recommend old stuff.
2013-01-02 09:32:30 AM  
2 votes:
Rule #1:
Don't give a 13 year-old a phone.
2013-01-02 09:13:10 AM  
2 votes:
Thank you, random mom, for putting in writing so much of what's wrong with helicopter parenting.

Not to mention the inherent contradictions in multiple places. Also, "Wonder without Googling?" Congratulations, you've missed the point if the Internet.
2013-01-02 09:04:33 AM  
2 votes:

mrlewish: can't agree with number 6 "If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared."

In number 1 she states that the phone is her property then, in 6 she obligates another individual to pay for damages etc.

He should reject the contract and phone since she said that he would eventually lose/break it and that he would pay. He should just bite the bullet and just do all that babysitting working etc now and cut out the middleman or woman in this case and have the phone as his own property. Also when it becomes time for him to take care of her in her old age he should bring all sorts of contracts for her care. etc.

It's a family not a business.


Sir, you are a scholar and a gentleman.

I could not agree more. It belongs to him when it is convenient for the mother. It is an power move so she can maintain control of her son a little while longer. It is a sad, pathetic attempt and any other adult should publicly shame this woman for such deplorable behavior.
2013-01-02 08:55:57 AM  
2 votes:
Also, I am going to throw a flag for improper usage of the hero tag.

10 yard penalty. 1st down.
2013-01-02 08:47:49 AM  
2 votes:

Kyro: Telling a 13-year-old not to look at porn? Oh well since it's a rule, I'm sure he'll abide.


He better learn how to clear browsing history...
2013-01-02 08:47:24 AM  
2 votes:
I expected the smug assholes to come out in force; I didn't realize it would be within the first 12 comments.
2013-01-02 08:30:22 AM  
2 votes:
Meh. She just wrote down the rules that most other parents pay lip service to or don't actually say at all.
2013-01-02 11:37:38 PM  
1 votes:
Wow, I got rules for Christmas! Thanks Mom!

I would've been like, fark this, I don't want it. With all those rules, he's barely going to be able to use it. Leaving the phone at home? Why didn't you just buy him a desktop computer?
2013-01-02 06:50:53 PM  
1 votes:
That kid gets beat up at school a lot.
2013-01-02 06:30:17 PM  
1 votes:
whatever, just put a cock pic on instagram now and get it out of the way before you're rich and fabulous
2013-01-02 06:25:48 PM  
1 votes:
I thought it was a good idea until I started reading the list and she sounds more like a nazi now than a good parent. A good parent infers his kids judgment, not "give me this phone and ill give it back to you tomorrow morning every day".
2013-01-02 04:20:02 PM  
1 votes:
How is establishing rules over-parenting? The problem here is that this is being viewed as anything but normal, especially by the mom. She's an attention whore for sure, yelling to anyone who'll listen that she is so awesome and has it all figured out and we should all pay attention. In fact, this is normal parenting. Congratulations you dumb blogger, you're getting really excited and worked up over something thousands of non-blog moms are already doing: raising kids with manners-- only they're not expecting the press to get excited over it. Next up she'll blog about a new invention called the "chore wheel" which notifies children in a fair manner who is responsible for which duties during the week. If those duties are adequately performed, she gives them a weekly sum of money... an "allowance" as it were.
2013-01-02 04:17:48 PM  
1 votes:

VespaGuy: Lexx: VespaGuy: Lexx: *sigh*

Another one who thinks that being a legal guardian of a child means you can control them absolutely.

If you think that setting rules about cellphone usage is synonymous with "absolute control", you might be a teenager.

I'm saying that the expectation that someone would, or should, behave according to your will, simply because you will it, is a sign you might not be able to deal with human being who don't work for you.

Who said anything about "behaving according to their will"? Did you read the article? We're talking about cell phone usage rules for a 13 year old. The strictest rules are "don't take it to school", "give it to me at night", and "you're responsible for a replacement if you break it". That's about it. The rest of the "rules" are just good motherly advice (YMMV) - listen to different music than mainstream stuff, don't send dirty photos, don't be a zombie, etc.

From that you get someone behaving "according to your will"? Seriously?

The sooner children gain agency and realize that their parents are not absolute existences, the better. I don't have children.


Am I the only childless wonder who thinks that a parent's job is to provide food, shelter, love, opportunities for self improvement, and a good role model, and NOTHING ELSE?
2013-01-02 03:57:51 PM  
1 votes:

mistersnark: DeathCipris:

I could not agree more. It belongs to him when it is convenient for the mother. It is an power move so she can maintain control of her son a little while longer. It is a sad, pathetic attempt and any other adult should publicly shame this woman for such deplorable behavior.

The thing is this - if they're thinking about it, a parent gives a kid a phone for their own convenience, not the kid's convenience or entertainment. Those things are ancillary.

ITT: People with Mommy/Daddy issues.


THIS. So much this!

Many of the "anti-mom" comments sound like angry teens themselves. At a certain age, you stop identifying with the 13 year old, and start identifying with the mom. Grow up, work hard, get married, buy a house, start a family. Suddenly "Daddy never let me hang posters in my bedroom!" doesn't seem like such a big deal.
2013-01-02 03:49:19 PM  
1 votes:

Lexx: *sigh*

Another one who thinks that being a legal guardian of a child means you can control them absolutely.


If you think that setting rules about cellphone usage is synonymous with "absolute control", you might be a teenager.
2013-01-02 02:53:21 PM  
1 votes:

DeathCipris: Because telling someone "You don't own it, I, in all of my majesty and mercifulness, am letting you use it." doesn't convey a sense of responsibility/pride. Letting them know "You own/earned this, but it isn't exempt from punishment." is to the point without being an ass about it.


And she tells him this in the fourth sentence. "You are a good & responsible 13 year old boy and you deserve this gift.". She then says - in no uncertain terms - that she owns it (and pays the monthly charges). With the possible exception of the "Aren't I the greatest" rejoinder (which you and I read differently), there isn't anything there that reeks of taunting or malice. Why should she have to pretend that it's his?

The alternative would be to just leave it as a "gift" and then just take it away when he misuses it. But adults (I'm assuming they're adults) on this thread alone can't seem to wrap their heads around the fact that a "gift" to a 13 year old does not mean "it's yours and I am powerless to do anything ever again". I would (hopefully) imagine that the brain of a 13 year old would be even less logical "You can't take it away!! It's mine!! It was a gift!".

There are boundaries. Reminding the child of the powerless nature of the relationship isn't productive. Letting the child know you know and respect the fact they earned/own it,

But you aren't reminding them that they're "powerless". You've bought a piece of expensive electronic equipment and you want them to respect that. Feel free to draw a conclusion about the rest of her behavior as a parent, but all we know is this one instance. Still seems fair to me.

But at the same time have a backbone as a parent, is a far cry different. Again, like my truck example. It is representative of real-life and prevents the child from growing up to feel like an entitled douche.

But the kids *DON'T* own it. Kids aren't dumb. Either they know they don't own it, so reminding them that they don't is only stating the obvious. Or they DO they think own it, and they end up bitter and resentful when mom and dad take away something that was "rightfully theirs".

"It's mine, so treat it with respect, follow the rules, or I take it back."
"It's yours, but I have total control over it."
Po-TA-to. Po-TAH-to.

I am aware they are basically explaining the same thing. It is the way it is presented that can have a profound impact.

It's just a reflection of the entitlement generation and pandering to snowflakes. How *dare* she purchase an expensive piece of electronics (that she continually pays for monthly) and not only set rules, but remind me that it's not mine!!
2013-01-02 02:21:53 PM  
1 votes:
This just in: Over-parenting now qualifies you as a "Hero".

I think we may be handing that label out juuuuuuust a little too liberally.
2013-01-02 02:10:22 PM  
1 votes:

VespaGuy: DeathCipris: VespaGuy: I know, right? I gave my toddler a bunch of gifts for Christmas, and now I'm screwed because I can't take them away from him if he misbehaves or even sell them when he outgrows them. I mean, they're "gifts", right? They belong exclusively to him. No takesies-backsies. I guess I'll just have to wait until he's older and able to give me permission to throw them out or sell them.

Or maybe the concept of a "gift" is different when children are involved...

There is a difference between "Here is a gift that doesn't belong to you." and disciplining your child. The difference between the two is there is the reminder that it isn't yours.It should be conveyed, whether through words or verbal instruction, that if you screw up; you lose the phone. That would have sufficed instead of I own things and you don't. There is no reason to go on some power trip and lord it over him that you made this happen and without your help he is somehow powerless and unable to do anything.

So instead of saying "This is my phone, but you can use it under these conditions", it's better to say, "This is your phone, it belongs entirely to you, but I still reserve the right to take it away if I want"? The latter sure seems more like a power trip than the former. It's just semantics. In either case, you - the parent - still have full control over the phone. How does this make the child less resentful, again?

This was evidenced by the "Aren't I the greatest?" line in her letter. It points out she is just in this for her own sick desire to point out how great she is and that she still has power over her son, not doing something nice for him. I have seen this and dealt with this for the last 25 years of my life. I am well-aware these type of people and their modus operandi.

Again, how is your suggestion of saying "you own it, but I can take it away" any better. That seems *more* controlling to me.

Funny, I read the "Aren't I the greatest?" line entirely different. Seemed goofy and tongue-in-cheek to me. I guess it depends on the kind of relationship she has with her son.


Because telling someone "You don't own it, I, in all of my majesty and mercifulness, am letting you use it." doesn't convey a sense of responsibility/pride. Letting them know "You own/earned this, but it isn't exempt from punishment." is to the point without being an ass about it. There are boundaries. Reminding the child of the powerless nature of the relationship isn't productive. Letting the child know you know and respect the fact they earned/own it, but at the same time have a backbone as a parent, is a far cry different. Again, like my truck example. It is representative of real-life and prevents the child from growing up to feel like an entitled douche.

I am aware they are basically explaining the same thing. It is the way it is presented that can have a profound impact.
2013-01-02 01:47:48 PM  
1 votes:
Hero = COONT
2013-01-02 01:26:54 PM  
1 votes:

mutterfark: VespaGuy: mutterfark: Was the life lesson 'don't ever accept a "gift" that has more strings attached than a grand piano'?

No. The life lesson was, "You aren't an entitled snowflake."

Actually I see no lesson taught here other than "my house, my rules".


"My house, my rules" is what weak parents say when they have no logic behind arbitrary household rules. I think she is pretty clear in expressing the "why" behind her rules (Put it away at the movies, restaurants, because it's considered rude, etc).

For the rest of his life, he has to follow rules - at work, school, home, etc - rules which are far more arbitrary and even silly at times. What's wrong with setting rules for a teenager? I don't agree with all of hers, but I see nothing wrong with guidelines for a teenager.

Want to teach the kid a life lesson? Give or get him a job suitable for his age and abilities and help buy his own iPhone and pay for his usage.

I certainly agree, but do you believe that is some sort of teenage loophole that absolves him from losing his privileges? "I know I got caught using my cell phone at school and I forwarded a bunch of topless photos of the slutty girl from home room... but you can't take my phone away from me because I bought it with my own money. nyah, nyah!"
2013-01-02 01:24:20 PM  
1 votes:

PsiChick: jack21221: DeathCipris: This one. Right here. Why bother "gifting" the phone if you are just going to remind him that "IT IS MY PHONE. I WORKED TO PAY FOR IT. NAH NAH!"? My Dad used to pull this EXACT stunt and I still resent him for it. It is a dick move and if you can't afford to give it away, don't gift it. Simple as that.

Do you think the 13 year old would rather have had a loaned phone or no phone at all?

This has already been answered, but I damn well would have, even at thirteen when I was usually half-out of it, wanted nothing at all instead of a gift where the first thing you say is "IT'S MINE!". Legally, everything a child 'owns' belongs to the parent, but that's a safeguard, not actual ownership. If your children don't own things, your children will not know how to own things.

Life experience going with that: For a while, my biological father claimed everything in the house 'belonged' to him...including the computer my brother built with his own two hands at summer camp. If my brother didn't know a couple of hackers, he probably wouldn't have a computer, because the bio father used to be an IT guy and wanted to make himself the only admin account and my brother a guest account (which is the same thing the bio father did with 'my' computer he supposedly bought for me). Want to bet just how responsible the bio father is with updates on computers he  doesn't use every night?

And for anyone saying this was a life lesson about buying your own things, a) Brother  built it, doesn't get much more 'your property' than that and b) No, it just taught us that anything we care about we need to hide, and then defend with a farking shotgun, because apparently we live in Afghanistan.


PsiChick,

I feel for you. I had to deal with a lot of the same bullshiat when I lived with my parents. Dad would say things like:
"It isn't your room. I just let you stay there. That is why you aren't allowed to hang pictures or posters on the wall."
"I pay for the electricity in this house and I tell you when/how much you can use it."
"I pay for the water in this house and I will tell you when/how much you can use it."
"That is my car. I just let you use it to get back and forth to your job."
"Your computer uses my electricity. I will turn will switch the breaker off to your room at night so you have no power in there when I say so."

It wasn't like I ran around turning lights on in every room or left all the faucets running. It got so bad that we were timed on our showers so we didn't "waste water." Here is the kicker...we had well water. Just wanted to shed a little light on what I see in this woman, why I think she is a horrible person for doing what she did, and to let you know you aren't alone in having to deal with that.

/CSB
//There should be rules/punishment for children, but reminding them they have nothing in this world only causes resentment.
2013-01-02 12:48:57 PM  
1 votes:

jmr61: There's nothing heroic about that helicopter of a mother. I'm glad she isn't mine.


strict parenting =/= helicopter parenting
2013-01-02 12:34:49 PM  
1 votes:

Cormee: *my* first reaction was "why, why, why is this on Fark"


See that number in parentheses next to the link?
2013-01-02 12:08:38 PM  
1 votes:

mutterfark: Was the life lesson 'don't ever accept a "gift" that has more strings attached than a grand piano'?


No. The life lesson was, "You aren't an entitled snowflake."
2013-01-02 12:02:44 PM  
1 votes:
I wonder how many of you who (rightfully) are criticizing this woman for the "it's a gift...it's still MINE" thing supported that laptop-shooting cretin for using the same logic.
2013-01-02 11:46:29 AM  
1 votes:
3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad". Not ever.

11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.

14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it.


Mom lives in a fantasy world; #3 is going to be broken in the first week by following #11 and/or #14
2013-01-02 11:35:04 AM  
1 votes:
Just buy the kid a burner. If he uses up all the minutes, he has to wait or buy his own. That would be a real life lesson.
2013-01-02 11:14:01 AM  
1 votes:
Oh and I'm pretty sure the gift she is giving her son, is paying the monthly usage fees. She's loaning him the phone to use.
2013-01-02 11:13:24 AM  
1 votes:

Molavian: sigdiamond2000: It's so much easier to just not have kids.

I bet it is. Of course, you become a developmentally challenged adult. Basically you remain a socially stunted semi-child for the rest of your life.


What the fark are you smoking?
2013-01-02 11:12:24 AM  
1 votes:

mrlewish: can't agree with number 6 "If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared."

In number 1 she states that the phone is her property then, in 6 she obligates another individual to pay for damages etc.

He should reject the contract and phone since she said that he would eventually lose/break it and that he would pay. He should just bite the bullet and just do all that babysitting working etc now and cut out the middleman or woman in this case and have the phone as his own property. Also when it becomes time for him to take care of her in her old age he should bring all sorts of contracts for her care. etc.

It's a family not a business.


Have to agree with this one. Instead of patting herself on the back, she needs to let him earn the phone in the first place so that when he gets it, there are no strings attached, he's completely responsible instead of this 'i'm trapping you in my apron strings' bullshiat.
2013-01-02 11:11:05 AM  
1 votes:
This all seems like a pretty good idea and well thought out by the mother. I'm not really sure why anyone would have a problem with this. The internet (and smart phones) have become very powerful tools, but also can be a scary and dangerous place, and just like Spiderman once said, it needs to come with responsibility. The only thing I don't agree with is leaving the phone at home. I agree about the usage times, but a phone is a very valuable safety device. Just because you didn't have cell phones when you grew up and that you got along just fine without them, doesn't mean you should just ignore the value of being able to access information or communicate at a moments notice. I really believe kids should be restricted from using the internet and/or being glued to the information super highway for extended periods of time, and to filter the content they can view. How to do this, I have no idea, but this mother seems to be trying just that, and that's a good thing.
2013-01-02 11:00:31 AM  
1 votes:
Maybe mom should've bought her kid a really basic phone and told him if you can be responsible and not lose it or get in trouble with it for a year or so, then you can have an iPhone. If she's putting so many rules in place he will be fine with a Tracphone. I don't get why anyone would buy a 13 year old a damn iPhone. Wait till he's old enough to have a job and give him unrestricted access but make him pay for his minutes/texts/data. A $300-400 phone bill tends to get the point across (my friends' dumb teens have all managed that one).
2013-01-02 10:58:46 AM  
1 votes:
The first rule on his mother's list: "It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?"

That tells you all you need to know about this mum. she I did for the adulation of her child and nothing else. I would have given it back to her also if you are loaning it to him then its not present is it. Ahh crazy parents and there conditional love.
2013-01-02 10:55:19 AM  
1 votes:

Molavian: LazarusLong42: Yes... because having kids is the only purpose in life and the only thing that makes you an adult. Right.

You didn't notice any changes in how you deal with life? Because I sure notice different levels of maturity in childless friends.

Lexx: Apparently "being an adult" is equated with sacrificing your happiness in order to raise the next generation, rather than living for your own sake.

Yes, that's exactly what I said. Good job.


Nope, that's what I assumed you meant. Because that's the only difference I can see, in terms of maturity, between having a kid and not having a kid - whose sake you live for.
2013-01-02 10:54:44 AM  
1 votes:

ChrisDe: Negotiate, kid. She already had the phone, if you refused to sign there would have been a counter-offer. You failed the first life lesson.


I thought the exact same thing.
"Mom, since my reluctance to sign this results in you nonetheless being locked into a minimum 2-year agreement for a device that will go unused, I think we can come to an agreement on more equitable terms of use. I'll be listening to my iPod touch, which incidentally allows me to communicate with friends via text message, the preferred mode of communication that's all the rage with us young people and a feature which you probably did not realize was included in a device that you thought was nothing more than a glorified jukebox. Let me know when you when you have a counter-offer ready and we'll set up a time to discuss."
2013-01-02 10:50:12 AM  
1 votes:
There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.

Ever hear of this little thing that happens late in life called Alzheimer's?

/She's an overprotective control freak.
//It's a wonder the kid isn't crazy... or is he?
2013-01-02 10:49:49 AM  
1 votes:
Wow. It looks like his junior high school buddies are put in force to call out his mom. At least that's the only reason I can see for a parent attempting to actually, you know, parent.

I remember when setting limits and teaching children to be responsible was just called "parenting". Although I don't agree with every one of her rules, I do think that being up front with your child about what is expected of them is a good thing. And putting it in writing certainly can't hurt - teenagers are worst than lawyers when it comes to finding loopholes. ("your rule said that *I* couldn't download porn, mom. I gave the phone to my buddy and *he* downloaded it. I just looked at it.", etc)
2013-01-02 10:49:18 AM  
1 votes:
Thanks Mom, but I already bought myself an iPhone 5 last month financed from selling drugs, which you didn't notice while you were busy blogging...
2013-01-02 10:48:17 AM  
1 votes:
How did this become a story? She had to tell the news orgs about it. Self promoting biatch.
2013-01-02 10:35:24 AM  
1 votes:

smadge1: Kyro: Telling a 13-year-old not to look at porn? Oh well since it's a rule, I'm sure he'll abide.

He better learn how to clear browsing history...


If it's a mac household, and the phone syncs through iCloud, she can see what's on the phone's Safari browser on her mac.
2013-01-02 09:44:19 AM  
1 votes:

LazarusLong42: Thank you, random mom, for putting in writing so much of what's wrong with helicopter parenting.


Meh. Expecting your kid to not carelessly trash several hundred dollars of electronics, or end up on charges of child porn, is not helicopter parenting. Besides which, the phrase pretty much has no meaning while the kid is still a minor anyway. Parents are legally required to be responsible for what a minor does.

Helicoptering is when you do things for your 18+ emancipated child that he/she should be doing themselves. Such as talking to his college freshman comp teacher about why he got a b- on his essay, or sitting in on a job interview with him.
2013-01-02 09:31:01 AM  
1 votes:

windowseat: Really, I have to answer every incoming call? Take it back and get me something else.


Especially as this rule conflicts with the put phone on silent when in public or company.

I didn't answer your calls because I was at a movie Mom, you told me to turn it off then...
2013-01-02 09:24:50 AM  
1 votes:
Seems reasonable to have some rules for a very expensive gadget. I don't get what the problem is with taking lots of pictures, but whatever. My rule would have been "Don't take pictures of people who don't want their picture taken, otherwise have a blast." I can see where a parent expecting some responsibility from a teen would be generally unpopular on fark though.
2013-01-02 09:17:17 AM  
1 votes:

LazarusLong42: Also, "Wonder without Googling?" Congratulations, you've missed the point if the Internet.


I actually miss trying to figure what happened or why something happens or who that person is without resorting to the Internet. Made for good conversation. These days, most of the conversations I have is, "Man, did you see that awesome video?"

We are getting dumber and kudos to the mom who is trying to fix that.
2013-01-02 09:16:02 AM  
1 votes:
This submission is bad and you should feel bad.
2013-01-02 08:53:38 AM  
1 votes:
*my* first reaction was "why, why, why is this on Fark"
2013-01-02 08:48:06 AM  
1 votes:
This just in! Mom buys kid phone. Has rules.

Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.

Next to messaging, isn't this pretty much what a kid would want an smart phone for?
2013-01-02 08:46:15 AM  
1 votes:
Telling a 13-year-old not to look at porn? Oh well since it's a rule, I'm sure he'll abide.
2013-01-02 08:43:18 AM  
1 votes:
Oooooh, an iphone!

How novel.

But seriously most adults could stand a few of those rules. Except porn of course.
2013-01-02 08:42:41 AM  
1 votes:
Spiffy? Maybe

Hero? RUFARKINGKIDDINGME?
2013-01-02 08:41:03 AM  
1 votes:
Only an 18 point agreement? That makes most EULA's look tame.
 
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