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(ESPN)   Houston continues to crash to Earth, the magic of RGIII knows no bounds, and the Ponies dominate in YOUR Week 18 Power Rankings   (espn.go.com) divider line 22
    More: Interesting, NFL Power Rankings, Houston, Earth, NFL, rankings, pony, Indianapolis Colts, Tampa Bay Buccaneers  
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3618 clicks; posted to Sports » on 02 Jan 2013 at 12:21 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-01-02 12:36:20 AM  
5 votes:
Friends,

We are gathered here today to celebrate a remarkable achievement.  Well, obviously we have come to this thread in order to commemorate this week's piping hot dish of epic fail, but of course we must acknowledge another season that came to pass, and pass it surely did. We saw rookies soar higher than anyone thought possible, veterans turn back the clock, recoveries from injuries previously thought too grave to overcome, and a disgustingly shameful chapter of NFL history thankfully come to its inglorious conclusion.

And not only were all the above mentioned award-winning performances recorded this past season, but RG3, Andrew Luck, Adrian Peterson, and Peyton Manning did some pretty cool stuff this year too, or so I hear.

With that being said, will all please rise, bow your heads, and remove any beer helmets you may currently be using for the traditional ten bell salute to the year that was.

The few, the proud, the winners of The Jake for the 2012 season.


a2.ec-images.myspacecdn.com

Week 1 - Brandon Weeden (66.7, 4 INT), the league's oldest-ever rookie quarterback who wouldn't let that be his only accomplishment this season.

*ding*

Week 2 - Jay Cutler (66.7, 4 INT), the taciturn gunslinger who would still like to know just what in the fark you're looking at, pussy.

*ding*

Week 3 - Cam Newton (50.0, 3 INT), the millionaire with the megawatt smile who proved that when it comes to general sulky biatchiness, he is truly the Best in the World.

*ding*

Week 4 - Tony Romo (83.3, 5 INT), the allegedly elite quarterback who this season established that we all made the acquaintance of a certain hot-blooded devil named Antonio.

*ding*

Week 5 - Blaine Gabbert (50.0, 2 INT/1 FUM), who can delightfully still inspire Remember the Titans jokes even after losing his job to the one and only Chad Henne.

*ding*

Week 6 - Philip Rivers (100.0, 4 INT/2 FUM), whose can-suck spirit and never-say-win attitude came closest to our patron saint with his epic Monday night Gone Delhomme performance.

*ding*

Week 7 - Mark Sanchez (33.3, INT/FUM), with a win that showed us that even the littlest amount of suck can sometimes be the biggest indeed.

*ding*

Week 8 - Tony Romo (66.7, 4 INT), who still was not done making certain that Antonio had danced the forbidden dance straight into all of our hearts.

*ding*

Week 9 - Carson Palmer (50.0, 3 INT), in his neverending quest to make myriad sportswriters who just can't let go of the pre-knee explosion past look ever more hilarious with each passing season.

*ding*

Week 10 - Eli Manning (50.0, 2 INT/1 FUM), in
his neverending quest to make all New York Giants fans completely insane by 2015.

*ding*

Week 11 - Andrew Luck (66.7, 3 INT/1 FUM), being quite cheeky and trying to find out just how many Colts fans would start biatching about RG3 if he tanked one.

*ding*

Week 12 - Ryan Lindley (66.7, 4 INT), who did a fabulous job convincing half the audience that he was actually a grad student writing his thesis on the obsessions of sports fans and how badly a member of their team must do before attempts are made on his life.

*ding*

Week 13 - Drew Brees (83.3, 5 INT).  And that's all I have to say about that.

*ding*

Week 14 - John Skelton (83.3, 4 INT/1 FUM), who convinced the other half of the audience that he was also a grad student whose thesis concerned how badly a supposedly professional quarterback had to play before getting replaced by Ryan Lindley.

*ding*

Week 15 - Mark Sanchez (83.3, 4 INT/1 FUM), who did this.


i63.photobucket.com

*ding*

Week 16 - Josh Freeman (66.7, 4 INT), who gave Ryan Fitzpatrick hope that a constant bridesmaid can indeed one day stand on the altar of awfulness himself.

*ding*

Week 17 - oh, well...that's the most important part, isn't it?The ending.

And this one...was very good.

This one was perfect.

It's funny how certain things can somehow sneak up on us that seem ridiculous in retrospect.  This entire final week of the season, all the hype and all the expectations for a possible Jake hat trick?It was all on Mark Sanchez.  Everyone remembered the golden bookends The Sanchise had already won this year, but hey.  That's the magic of the buttfumble.
  When a player finds that one play that grants him his immortality, any amount of numerically equal awards will not matter.  We saw that one quarterback could hit the terrible trifecta, but we missed the possibility that was so blatantly staring us all in the face.

Re-enter Tony Romo.

Re-enter...Antonio.

To set the stage for last night's hysterical eventuality, two things had to happen.  The Giants' latest title defense had to fall apart and the Eagles had to make their fans question the existence of a loving, benevolent God.  Check and check.  All that was left were the ships captained by a rookie sensation and a veteran in desperate need of turning around his big game reputation the same way he turns his baseball cap.  An epic main event was established with the best possible stipulation - winner goes to the playoffs, loser goes golfing.  Hell, it may as well have already been a playoff game, and what could go wrong with that?


golfweek.media.clients.ellingtoncms.com


Judging from the "wheeeeeeeeeee!" expression on this week's winner's face, a lot.  A lot could go wrong with that - namely that somebody clearly told our hero that, for all intents and purposes, this was in fact a playoff game.  Because while Tony Romo was listening to such a poisonous turn of phrase, so too was someone else.

So too was Antonio.

Clearly Tony was buried far, far deep in his tortured psyche when that game started.  A rather lame selection between the 50.0s recorded by Chad Henne and Matthew Stafford was the barrel the entire tab was staring down, but thankfully the worse angels of Tony Romo's nature were looking out for all of us as his score quickly shot up to a 33.3 after only one quarter of play.  The score was still deadlocked at zero and a possible winner's exemption loomed, but for the moment there was nothing to fear.  The next couple turnovers would be quick in coming and we'd have a probable winner by halftime, right?

Wrong.  The two-pronged war Tony Romo waged against both the Redskins and himself seemed to be going the right way (at least for incredibly selfish Cowboys fans)  during quarters two and three.  No turnovers.  Not a one.  The quarterback who seemed to be intent on self-immolation pulled himself from the fire of his own creation and set his squad on a path to the playoffs.  The score seesawed back and forth, and down by only a field goal with three minutes left to play, it was legacy time.

His team was calling for a hero.

The only question - who would answer?

In only 27 seconds of gametime, that much was clear.


cdn.bleacherreport.net

Something else that's funny?  If you take a look back at the list, in his three masterpieces this year, one less turnover was committed each time.  Going from 83.3 to 66.7 to this week's glorious 50.0, one would think this gunslinger was getting better.  One would be wrong.  These campaigns by a certain quarterback served to show us all one very important thing - quality counts.And judging from this week with the playoffs on the line, a window of championship contention seemingly sinking another degree closer to closed?  If Roger Goodell's 18-game season happened this year, somehow The Jake would've been won with a 16.7 score and he would've lost his immortal soul in the process.

That might not be the magic of RG3, people, but it most certainly
is the most peculiar magic of one Mr. Tony Romo.

For flushing his team's playoff hopes down the toilet in one fell swoop, for making clear that there is another face on the post-Delhomme Rushmore, for notching the most memorable 50.0 in recent history, I am proud to present The Jake for Week 17 of the 2012 NFL season to Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys.


i63.photobucket.com

Anything to add, Tony?

cache.deadspin.com

Awwww, seems to have stupefied even himself with that last pass.  In his place, let me just say -

Happy New Year's, friends and neighbors!
2013-01-02 02:25:06 PM  
2 votes:

Super Chronic: SacriliciousBeerSwiller: IAmRight: Redskins have played three games against top-10 defenses this year. They are 0-3 against them (Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Carolina). Seattle has a top-10 defense (top 5, in fact).

Seahawks have played ONE of the bottom-10 defenses this year. They are 1-0 against them (New England). Washington has a bottom-10 defense (bottom 5, in fact).

But Seattle's D has mediocre, to be polite, on the road. How many did the Cards put up on them? 24? RG-Threesus will pull another one from his ass.

They've given up 150 points in 8 road games. 18.75 points per game would be the 6th-ranked scoring defense in the NFL. If that's "mediocre, to be polite," I'd hate to see when you're rude.

/to say nothing of all the points their defense has scored or set up with turnovers


Just by way of comparison, I looked up the league's #2 overall scoring defense, the 49ers. They surrendered 162 points on the road, 20.25 per game. Of course, you can say they would have been the better road defense if they hadn't had 42 points hung on them by... what was that team again...
2013-01-02 05:37:09 AM  
2 votes:
What is Romo going to do after football? He's not even qualified to be a sideline reporter. He'd throw coverage back to the booth and it would wind up on the Hallmark channel.
2013-01-02 06:44:09 PM  
1 votes:
And FINALLY your graf!

i.imgur.com

linky to bigger
2013-01-02 04:35:11 PM  
1 votes:
Aaaaaaaaannnnndddd Sorry for the delay folks. Without further ado, Bunny Deville and I present this week's FAIL.

Please give credit to BD on this one, she knocked out the write up in what must've been 2 soul drenching minutes:


i.imgur.com


i.imgur.com
2013-01-02 12:47:12 PM  
1 votes:

litespeed74: CipollinaFan: Seah

As a Seahawk fan I'm scared of the Redskins.
We haven't won a playoff game on the road in ages.
We seem to be slower on defense on crappy fields as well.

And RG3 is the x factor.

Should be a good game either way.


For some reason, your fear comforts me slightly.

/The game WILL be good
//Will also probably give me a full-blown panic attack
2013-01-02 11:37:19 AM  
1 votes:

robsul82: Friends,



i36.photobucket.com
2013-01-02 11:05:22 AM  
1 votes:

robsul82: Friends,

***snip***


Here, let me get that for you:

sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net
2013-01-02 09:18:47 AM  
1 votes:

Pick13: Olympic Trolling Judge: God Tier (2.0 < Z)
(none)
Top Tier (1.5 < Z < 2.0)
(none)
Very High Tier (1.0 < Z < 1.5)
1t) New England Patriots (+3)
1t) Houston Texans (+8)
3) San Francisco 49ers
4) Denver Broncos (-3)
5) Atlanta Falcons (-3)
6) Green Bay Packers
7) Seattle Seahawks (-2)
High Tier (0.5 < Z < 1.0)
8) Minnesota Vikings (+4)
9) Chicago Bears (+4)
10) Indianapolis Colts (-3)
11) Washington Redskins (-3)
Upper Mid Tier (0.0 < Z < 0.5)
12) Baltimore Ravens (-2)
13) New York Giants (+1)
14) Cincinnati Bengals (-3)
15) St. Louis Rams (+1)
16) Dallas Cowboys (-1)
Lower Mid Tier (-0.5 < Z < 0.0)

Redskins at 11?
Redskins spanked the Vikings (8) and the Bears (9) aren't going to the playoffs. Reskins are the hotest team in the NFL right now at a 7 game winning streak.

/Skins fan
//Seahawks scare the crap out of me
///Wish we where playing the Packers or Atlanta


The #4 Denver Broncos are the hottest team with a 11 game winning streak and the #1 seed in the AFC. These rankings suck.
2013-01-02 09:04:50 AM  
1 votes:

Pick13: Redskins at 11?
Redskins spanked the Vikings (8) and the Bears (9) aren't going to the playoffs. Reskins are the hotest team in the NFL right now at a 7 game winning streak.


Let me know when that streak gets to 11 games.

/Go Broncos
2013-01-02 07:45:54 AM  
1 votes:

Olympic Trolling Judge: God Tier (2.0 < Z)
(none)
Top Tier (1.5 < Z < 2.0)
(none)
Very High Tier (1.0 < Z < 1.5)
1t) New England Patriots (+3)
1t) Houston Texans (+8)
3) San Francisco 49ers
4) Denver Broncos (-3)
5) Atlanta Falcons (-3)
6) Green Bay Packers
7) Seattle Seahawks (-2)
High Tier (0.5 < Z < 1.0)
8) Minnesota Vikings (+4)
9) Chicago Bears (+4)
10) Indianapolis Colts (-3)
11) Washington Redskins (-3)
Upper Mid Tier (0.0 < Z < 0.5)
12) Baltimore Ravens (-2)
13) New York Giants (+1)
14) Cincinnati Bengals (-3)
15) St. Louis Rams (+1)
16) Dallas Cowboys (-1)
Lower Mid Tier (-0.5 < Z < 0.0)


Redskins at 11?
Redskins spanked the Vikings (8) and the Bears (9) aren't going to the playoffs. Reskins are the hotest team in the NFL right now at a 7 game winning streak.

/Skins fan
//Seahawks scare the crap out of me
///Wish we where playing the Packers or Atlanta
2013-01-02 06:31:45 AM  
1 votes:

dickfreckle: johnnygew: /Oh, and the next one that says 'Wait til next year - you can't lose forever' gets a quick kick to the groinal area. We have been waiting for 55 years for 'next year' - and there are no signs of that changing.

Since I'm on the internet and you can't actually punch me in the crotch, I'm telling you - "You can't lose forever."


You were probably one of those that also said there was no way in today's NFL that a team could go 0-16.
Or that of the last 8 games of the season, one bounce had to go the Lions way, and get a win there.

You also beat us this year. Granted, it was partially on account of the 56,983 clear Saints touchdowns that were nullified by replacement refs.

When was this? I'm throwing a red flag to challenge that!
2013-01-02 05:35:42 AM  
1 votes:
Jesus, this thread has everything. Stats, graphics, the expanded Jake... One might say it...delivers.

3.bp.blogspot.com
2013-01-02 02:11:26 AM  
1 votes:
so is this when Peyton chokes in the playoffs? They claim he never had as good as D as he does now in Denver. I hope that's true. I would love to Broncos to win it all: this town would go crazy.
2013-01-02 01:59:00 AM  
1 votes:
As announced in the Week 17 thread, this year's Least Valuable Quarterbacks are as follows:

For most total turnovers: The man whose team turned dysfunction into entertainment. The man who was benched, replaced by his backup's backup, saw that man win the game, was re-instated, then was benched for the backup's backup again, then when that man was injured took the starting position back. The man who gave us a new word for failure. The man whose campaign and face can best be described by Mike Tirico: "Ugly, and a loss."

i.imgur.com

With 18 interceptions and 8 lost fumbles, your winner is Mark "butt fumble" Sanchez.

For highest average Delhomme Rating, with a minimum of 8 performances: The man who was perhaps unfairly deprived of a Jake by the mystery of late-week stat corrections. The man whose injury some fans may have cheered. The man who demonstrated incompetence so vast, he was replaced by a man named Brady. Not the good Brady, the other Brady. The man who led his team to two months without a lead at any point during the course of a game.

nbcprofootballtalk.files.wordpress.com

With 12 interceptions and 7 lost fumbles in 9 games, for a Delhomme Average of 35.2, your winner is Matt Cassel.
/last year's winners: Josh Freeman (27) and Rex Grossman (25 in 13 for 32.1)
2013-01-02 01:57:28 AM  
1 votes:

The_Sponge: SEA-HAWKS!!!


seachickens.com
2013-01-02 12:33:59 AM  
1 votes:
And the #1 team in the NFL, for the second week in a row... THE DENVER BRONCOS!!! :D

i1182.photobucket.com
2013-01-02 12:21:57 AM  
1 votes:
No in-division tiebreaker went beyond common games; no out-of-division tiebreaker went beyond conference games. Each of those is two steps before strength of victory, so that didn't wind up mattering. OH WELL.

But let's look at the strength of schedule graph anyway.
justpredictions.webs.com

This determines the draft order. Basically read from bottom left, go up a column, then move to the next column of teams. There are two ties on this graph. Tennessee will pick after the Jets due to a head-to-head win. Tampa had a slightly harder schedule than Miami, likewise Baltimore just harder than Washington. The second tie, New England and Houston will not matter for draft purposes, because both teams made the playoffs. For the 12 teams that make the playoffs, the primary criteria will be the round in which teams are eliminated. Those knocked out next weekend pick 21-24, the following weekend 25-28. Conference runner-ups pick 29 and 30, and then the Super Bowl teams pick 31 and 32. Those 12 teams are shaded (blue indicates teams with byes) in the below chart.

justpredictions.webs.com
(NB: This is before any draft pick trades)

And now that the regular season is over, here's the playoff bracket!
justpredictions.webs.com

For the other 20 teams, time to start prepping for 2013, where we now know who each team will play. Of course, you have 6 games within the division. Then you have the cross-division "common games". In each conference, East plays North, and West plays South. Each team has four cross-conference games, as follows: AFC East - NFC South, AFC North - NFC North, AFC South - NFC West, AFC West - NFC East.

Lastly there are two games which I call "strength games". The Giants, as second in the NFC East, play the other two second-place teams in their conference, namely Carolina and Seattle. For the rest of the teams, look below:

AFC opponents
NE and BAL play HOU and DEN
MIA and CIN play IND and SD
NYJ and PIT play TEN and OAK
BUF and CLE play JAX and krafC opponents
WAS and GB play ATL and SF
NYG and MIN play CAR and SEA
DAL and CHI play NO and STL
PHI and DET play TB and ARZ
2013-01-02 12:16:37 AM  
1 votes:
Irrational Productions presents...
The Great Tiebreaker Spreadsheet
with your host, RminusQ

Today's episode: 2012 Week 17


Not as much to talk about as there are no more hypotheticals, just, uh... hypertheticals?
Let's take a look about how that flowchart I made worked out.
justpredictions.webs.com

Well. I guess it was simpler than I expected. Minnesota winning was the key to making it just that simple. ONTO THE TIEBREAKS!

Only a few tiebreakers affected the final seeding of the playoff teams:
justpredictions.webs.com
Despite Cincinnati's win over Baltimore, the Ravens still win the division on division record, due to sweeping Cleveland. Indianapolis has a better record than either of them, but gets the Wild Card #5 and the trip to Baltimore.

In the NFC, the last spot was not quite as clear cut.
justpredictions.webs.com
In the North, Minnesota eliminates Chicago on the division record tiebreaker, because of the Vikings' win over Green Bay, something Chicago was unable to do.
The Bears are thus the only 10-6 team to miss the playoffs, with the Giants being the only other team with a winning record to be left out, but neither of them can complain about another division's champion getting in with a worse record, because all the division champs were at least 10-6.

Now it's time for THE GRID:
justpredictions.webs.com

In the AFC, the four division champions are repeats, so they all played each other. New England's win over Houston a few weeks ago means that the Texans have to play this weekend and that the rematch would be in Foxboro. Nobody else was above .500. The only other tie in division standings sees the Jets finish 3rd in the East over the Bills despite the Week 17 loss because of New York's wins over Indianapolis and St. Louis, two teams Buffalo lost to.
In the NFC, San Francisco moves to #2. Seattle would be third in a natural seeding, but gets the #5 seed. Had they lost the Inaccurate Reception game, they'd still be the 5 seed because they beat both Minnesota and Chicago.

The interesting situation is in the NFC South, where three teams finished 7-9 and each swept one of the other two. The three-way goes next to division record, but each split with Atlanta so each is 3-3. Then similar games, where Tampa is eliminated. Carolina beat Philly and Washington, New Orleans beat Dallas and Philly, while Tampa only beat KC (all three beat Oakland and San Diego). Thus we go back to a two-way tie of Panthers and Saints: Panthers are second in the division due to the sweep. Then we go back to the beginning, but since the Saints swept the Bucs, the Saints are #3 and the Bucs are #4. That will matter below.
2013-01-01 11:07:42 PM  
1 votes:
SEA-HAWKS!!!
2013-01-01 08:34:12 PM  
1 votes:
Here's the playoffs...

farm9.staticflickr.com

and my prediction of the next round...

farm9.staticflickr.com
2013-01-01 08:24:41 PM  
1 votes:
Call up the selection committee. It's the Ninth Weekennial Official Unofficial NFL Colley Rankings And Tier List!

Well, the end of the regular season is upon us, and in a Shyamalanian twist, there's a tie on top of the leaderboard. (There's also a tie for 22nd, but no one cares about the Jets and Titans.) With identical records and identical strengths of schedule, the Patriots and the Texans have equal claim to the pole position. New England is given higher billing below because they rose to the tie while Houston fell to it, though coincidentally the Patriots also hold the tiebreaker by more traditional NFL rules.

Now let's talk seeding. Remember that retrodictive rankings like Colley's are used primarily to determine which teams are most qualified for postseason action. With that in mind, what happens if we use these rankings for the playoffs instead of the regular standings and tiebreakers? Not a whole hell of a lot, as it turns out, if the usual rules regarding divisions and conferences are enforced. On the AFC side, the Patriots get home field, the Texans get a bye, and the Broncos get the Bengals. (FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU-) Over in the NFC, San Francisco gets home field instead of Atlanta, and that's it. Whether those results are more justifiable than the current bracket is an exercise I leave to the reader.

Anyway, let's get this over with. For the final time this year, a plus means the computer ranking is higher than ESPN's, a minus means the opposite, and the two empty tiers at the top mean the Chiefs, Jaguars, and Raiders sucked enough to skew the curve. Good job, you guys.

God Tier (2.0 < Z)
(none)
Top Tier (1.5 < Z < 2.0)
(none)
Very High Tier (1.0 < Z < 1.5)
1t) New England Patriots (+3)
1t) Houston Texans (+8)
3) San Francisco 49ers
4) Denver Broncos (-3)
5) Atlanta Falcons (-3)
6) Green Bay Packers
7) Seattle Seahawks (-2)
High Tier (0.5 < Z < 1.0)
8) Minnesota Vikings (+4)
9) Chicago Bears (+4)
10) Indianapolis Colts (-3)
11) Washington Redskins (-3)
Upper Mid Tier (0.0 < Z < 0.5)
12) Baltimore Ravens (-2)
13) New York Giants (+1)
14) Cincinnati Bengals (-3)
15) St. Louis Rams (+1)
16) Dallas Cowboys (-1)
Lower Mid Tier (-0.5 < Z < 0.0)
17) Miami Dolphins (+3)
18) Pittsburgh Steelers (-1)
19) New Orleans Saints
20) Carolina Panthers (-2)
21) Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Low Tier (-1.0 < Z < -0.5)
22t) Tennessee Titans (+4)
22t) New York Jets (+3)
24) Arizona Cardinals (+3)
25) Buffalo Bills (-2)
26) San Diego Chargers (-4)
27) Detroit Lions (+1)
Very Low Tier (-1.5 < Z < -1.0)
28) Cleveland Browns (-4)
29) Philadelphia Eagles
Bottom Tier (-2.0 < Z < -1.5)
30) Oakland Raiders
31) Jacksonville Jaguars
S#!t Tier (Z < -2.0)
32) Kansas City Chiefs


Charts: Original Ratings | Normalized Ratings | Power Rankings
 
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