Apos: Thought the pedophilic charlatan had died long ago.

It didn't.

I don't understand, so if the world is going to end on the day you say, then why be happy you got it right? No one will be around to pat you on the back anyways because we'll all be dead, jerkoff!

Crazy people follow crazy leader. Film at 11.

skinink: we'll all be dead and burning in Hell wishing you'd listened to him!!1

So there!

Infernalist: It didn't.

Best part of the article by far.

/Forever

Spaced Lion: Infernalist: It didn't.

Best part of the article by far.

/Forever

Glad to know I'm not the only one who snorted a little.

We need guys like this. We are facing an apocalypse shortage. According to wiki, there is nothing between this coming May and 2020AD. Someone needs to open a fresh bible and a calculator and/or update wiki!

Link (new window)

How will people who wear tin foil hats too small for their heads come together in staggering displays of creative self-destructive idiocy? We can't go 17 years without that!

Kill it with fire, it's the only way to be sure.

Should combine this thread w/ the pope thread.
2birds/one stone

Politank-Z: We need guys like this. We are facing an apocalypse shortage. According to wiki, there is nothing between this coming May and 2020AD. Someone needs to open a fresh bible and a calculator and/or update wiki!

Link (new window)

How will people who wear tin foil hats too small for their heads come together in staggering displays of creative self-destructive idiocy? We can't go 7 years without that!

FTFM

tinfoil-hat maggie: We had the end of the world last year and in 1988 here a documentary I'm not ready for another one : )

Wait, we don't need a new excuse for idiotic "you only live once" behavior? :-P

please stop callin' this cult a'his 'Mormon'... they're FLDS, and they're a bit weird.

utah dude: please stop callin' this cult a'his 'Mormon'... they're FLDS, and they're a bit weird.

They're all a bit weird.

"they' being religious folk.

utah dude: please stop callin' this cult a'his 'Mormon'... they're FLDS, and they're a bit weird.

How about simply Christian?

Um, the world is actually going to end this year on 13-13-2013.

Will someone please explain to me why the media continues to call Vernon Wayne Howell "David Koresh"?
He decided to call himself that.
Screw him and the Branch Daividiots.....they can continue to burn in hell.

tinfoil-hat maggie: We had the end of the world last year and in 1988 here a documentary I'm not ready for another one : )

Praise Bob

jaytkay: utah dude: please stop callin' this cult a'his 'Mormon'... they're FLDS, and they're a bit weird.

How about simply Christian?

would be better than most journalists, that fail to recognize the Jesus in the BOM.

tinfoil-hat maggie: Well considering I think I'm gonna die from alcohol poisoning right now, y'all can do what you want too. I'll just keep drinking till the time comes ; )

Lol you're still drinking? But your typing and linking seems so unaffected. Perhaps you're more resilient than you think. I expect you may be around for several more ends-of-the-world. I sure hope so.

utah dude: please stop callin' this cult a'his 'Mormon'... they're FLDS, and they're a bit weird.

Yeah those FLDS have nothing to do with mormons at all right? Ask yourself which of the two branches of the Mormon church that Joseph Smith, Brigham Young and the rest of your so called prophets would belong to if they were around today.

When your done answering that we can talk about the Book of Abraham, the planet Kolob, the White Salamander and native american jews.

utah dude: please stop callin' this cult a'his 'Mormon'... they're FLDS, and they're a bit weird.

not any weirder than the mainstream LDS or any other church / religion.

I may not be alone in wondering what kinds of gov't benefits this asshole reaped? Was his 'church' tax exempt? His wives  - do they get any benefits? What about their children?
OTOH, he has a right to believe whatever he wants but controlling others just is not right.

SquiggsIN: not any weirder than the mainstream LDS or any other church / religion.

meh. whatever. our prophet doesn't masturbate a gazillion times a day with underage girls and what not. yah, i call that WEIRD.

AbbeySomeone: I may not be alone in wondering what kinds of gov't benefits this asshole reaped? Was his 'church' tax exempt? His wives  - do they get any benefits? What about their children?
OTOH, he has a right to believe whatever he wants but controlling others just is not right.

It's called "Bleeding the Beast" and any wife beyond the first one is considered a single mother, and thus eligible for any and all government benefits they can get.

Fun Fact: The Temple Oath Mormons take vowing to help the church establish Zion in America, also used to have a phrase swearing revenge on the United States for the murder of their "prophets"

"You and each of you do covenant and promise that you will pray and never cease to pray to Almighty God to avenge the blood of the prophets upon this nation, and that you will teach the same to your children and to your children's children unto the third and fourth generation."


If you want to see some of the batshiat insane stuff Mormons do in their Temple Endowment you can watch this video:
Link

AbbeySomeone: I may not be alone in wondering what kinds of gov't benefits this asshole reaped?

In 2011 the LIBERAL federal GOVERNMENT granted Warren Jeffs lifetime taxpayer-funded room and board.

Thanks Fartbama!!

utah dude: meh. whatever. we have a "prophet". yah, i call that WEIRD.

FTFY

Kali-Yuga: utah dude: meh. whatever. we have a "prophet". yah, i call that WEIRD.

FTFY

haha. lol.

That mugshot is pure nightmare fuel.

Kali-Yuga: utah dude: please stop callin' this cult a'his 'Mormon'... they're FLDS, and they're a bit weird.

Yeah those FLDS have nothing to do with mormons at all right? Ask yourself which of the two branches of the Mormon church that Joseph Smith, Brigham Young and the rest of your so called prophets would belong to if they were around today.

When your done answering that we can talk about the Book of Abraham, the planet Kolob, the White Salamander and native american jews.

F'reals.

Sounds like a business opportunity for a grocery store "Now cult-free!"

He should have learned from the long lasting religions that you don't predict something that might not come true.

tinfoil-hat maggie: TheTranceFan: tinfoil-hat maggie: Well considering I think I'm gonna die from alcohol poisoning right now, y'all can do what you want too. I'll just keep drinking till the time comes ; )

Lol you're still drinking? But your typing and linking seems so unaffected. Perhaps you're more resilient than you think. I expect you may be around for several more ends-of-the-world. I sure hope so.

Ether I've passed that event horizon or I'm I lair or really drinking is my normal state of mind it's only when I get tired I really start making typos ; )

You must be tired, I noticed a typo. :)

Yeah, the Branch Davidians were a "Mormon splinter group" as well, IIRC. The only thing the Feds did wrong in that situation was waiting 51 days to burn the building down. They should've scorched the earth for miles around 5 minutes after those a-holes killed federal agents serving a valid search warrant.

/Don't get me farkin' started.
//And Timmeh McVey, wherever you are, FARK YOU, TOO!

Apos: Thought the pedophilic charlatan had died long ago.

No the pope is still alive.

ExperianScaresCthulhu: F'reals.

but which branch would porter rockwell hook up with? sign me up for that one.

stevejovi: Yeah, the Branch Davidians were a "Mormon splinter group" as well, IIRC. The only thing the Feds did wrong in that situation was waiting 51 days to burn the building down. They should've scorched the earth for miles around 5 minutes after those a-holes killed federal agents serving a valid search warrant.

/Don't get me farkin' started.
//And Timmeh McVey, wherever you are, FARK YOU, TOO!

nah dude, seventh day advents... another religion with a stringent morals package.

I'm not saying I'm badass, but I've survived 5 apocalypses AND 2 raptures in the last 15 years.

Kali-Yuga: "You and each of you do covenant and promise that you will pray and never cease to pray to Almighty God to avenge the blood of the prophets upon this nation, and that you will teach the same to your children and to your children's children unto the third and fourth generation."

i assure you, that is no longer in the Endowment and unless Romney magically went through before 1930 somehow, he did not take this oath.

utah dude: please stop callin' this cult a'his 'Mormon'... they're FLDS, and they're a bit weird.

Yeah, Mormons cry foul whenever someone suggests they aren't Christians, because everyone who believes in Jesus should be called a Christian if they so wish, right? Then they turn around and say that guys who believe in the Book of Mormon, who also believe every last thing* that Joseph Smith taught are somehow not Mormons. Uh, seriously?

* = polygamy, for one

Donkey Hodie: utah dude: please stop callin' this cult a'his 'Mormon'... they're FLDS, and they're a bit weird.

Yeah, Mormons cry foul whenever someone suggests they aren't Christians, because everyone who believes in Jesus should be called a Christian if they so wish, right? Then they turn around and say that guys who believe in the Book of Mormon, who also believe every last thing* that Joseph Smith taught are somehow not Mormons. Uh, seriously?

* = polygamy, for one

right, so you're comparing like 14,000 people that live in unfinished houses and trailer parks to 14 million members worldwide. nice.

"It didn't" is going in my signature tomorrow

dbirchall: Got it wrong before? From that headline, it doesn't sound like he's ever gotten it right.

To be fair, it's pretty much impossible to find someone who has been correct on an apocalyptic prediction. Unless the apocalypse has already happened and we're all Farking from Purgatory.

Satanic_Hamster: I love modern Mormons.

I enjoy relations with ironic postmodern Mormons.

utah dude: Donkey Hodie: utah dude: please stop callin' this cult a'his 'Mormon'... they're FLDS, and they're a bit weird.

Yeah, Mormons cry foul whenever someone suggests they aren't Christians, because everyone who believes in Jesus should be called a Christian if they so wish, right? Then they turn around and say that guys who believe in the Book of Mormon, who also believe every last thing* that Joseph Smith taught are somehow not Mormons. Uh, seriously?

* = polygamy, for one

right, so you're comparing like 14,000 people that live in unfinished houses and trailer parks to 14 million members worldwide. nice.

What does where they live and how many of them there are have to do with it? Listen, you can believe whatever ridiculous nonsense you like, but don't expect people to not think it is ridiculous, and don't pretend that a group who more closely follows the founder of your religion than you do isn't a member of your religion.

MrHappyRotter: Um, the world is actually going to end this year on 13-13-2013.

Nope, March 14th 2015 at 9:26:53.

/and we'll all have pie.

He never looked the picture of health but he looks like hell. Guess being the wife of 10+ husbands is a little ruff.

Donkey Hodie: utah dude: please stop callin' this cult a'his 'Mormon'... they're FLDS, and they're a bit weird.

Yeah, Mormons cry foul whenever someone suggests they aren't Christians, because everyone who believes in Jesus should be called a Christian if they so wish, right? Then they turn around and say that guys who believe in the Book of Mormon, who also believe every last thing* that Joseph Smith taught are somehow not Mormons. Uh, seriously?

* = polygamy, for one

They both think Mormon, father of Moroni, was the prophet that put their little book together. The LDS church taught me one thing... that all religions are B.S. ... and for that, I thank you!

It doesn't matter which branch of xtian you are or what religion you follow. you're an idiot for insisting on answers where there are none. I'm fine with not knowing and leaving the answer blank. Religions all insist on filling in every blank just to say they completed the form.

OMG how about a spoiler alert, jerk.

Trucker: Will someone please explain to me why the media continues to call Vernon Wayne Howell "David Koresh"?

Is it just me, or is giving your son the middle name of "Wayne" basically signing a written agreement that he'll grow up to be a serial killer, rapist or guanopsychotic cult leader (or all three, if he's a natural overachiever)?

Fluorescent Testicle: Trucker: Will someone please explain to me why the media continues to call Vernon Wayne Howell "David Koresh"?

Is it just me, or is giving your son the middle name of "Wayne" basically signing a written agreement that he'll grow up to be a serial killer, rapist or guanopsychotic cult leader (or all three, if he's a natural overachiever)?

Either that or HUSSEIN

/bengozzi

Maybe he means the lunar new year. In which case he has a bit more time left to plan his next prediction.

utah dude: please stop callin' this cult a'his 'Mormon'... they're FLDS, and they're a bit weird.

He is a mormon

mormon is a generic name for people who believe in your silly book

LDS - the official corporation who dropped polygamy to get Utah statehood- are mormons
RLDS - the nice group who never practiced the nasty polygamy stuff - are mormons
FLDS - warren jeffs group who have carried on with polygamy - are mormons


Jeffs is a paedophile, but he's only treading in the footsteps of many of the past leaders of the 'official' LDS. Joseph Smith Junior married a 14 yr old (polygamously) when he was 37
Lorenzo Snow - another 'official' mormon prophet - married a 14 yr old (polygamously) when he was 57

they are all mormons and they are all vile (RLDS, less so than the other 2)

To be fair, when it comes to "apocalyptic predictions", I trust everyone's offerings equally- regardless of race, color, creed or the amount of candy in his van.
Which is to say I trust precisely none of them- because apocalypse predictions are bullshiat.

I still enjoyed the video on CNN the other day, about how Jeffs was predicting the end of the world and such, but they spent more time talking about how the local store was closed, and had been for days, and how 99% of the people were refusing to even talk to the reporters, or trying to intimidate them into leaving... My favorite was this gem:

Reporter: So, do you really believe that the world will end, like Warren Jeffs proclaimed?
Guy: Stares blankly at him
Reporter: So, are you going to talk to me?
Guy: Shakes his head no.
Reporter: But you can hear me, right?
Guy: Widens eyes and looks at reporter like "Are you kidding me?"

And we wonder why reporters are labelled as vultures, when they're more interested in THE story, ANY story, and the pursuit of that overrides all other things, like manners, common decency, and morals...

utah dude: please stop callin' this cult a'his 'Mormon'... they're FLDS, and they're a bit weird.

I told the brethren that the Book of Mormon was the most correct of any book on earth, and the keystone of our religion, and a man would get nearer to God by abiding by its precepts, than by any other book.
Joseph Smith, Jr.

"God himself was once as we are now, and is an exalted Man, and sits enthroned in yonder heavens...I say, if you were to see him to-day, you would see him like a man in form -- like yourselves, in all the person, image, and very form as a man....it is necessary that we should understand the character and being of God, and how he came to be so; for I am going to tell you how God came to be God. We have imagined and supposed that God was God from all eternity, I will refute that idea, and will take away and do away the veil, so that you may see....and that he was once a man like us; yea, that God himself the Father of us all, dwelt on an earth the same as Jesus Christ himself did." (Journal of Discourses, vol. 6, p. 3).

Jgok: MrHappyRotter: Um, the world is actually going to end this year on 13-13-2013.

Nope, March 14th 2015 at 9:26:53.

/and we'll all have pie.

In what time zone?

SquiggsIN: utah dude: please stop callin' this cult a'his 'Mormon'... they're FLDS, and they're a bit weird.

not any weirder than the mainstream LDS or any other church / religion.

Religion = Superstition + $$$$$

All we need to know about that.

Arcturus72: I still enjoyed the video on CNN the other day, about how Jeffs was predicting the end of the world and such, but they spent more time talking about how the local store was closed, and had been for days, and how 99% of the people were refusing to even talk to the reporters, or trying to intimidate them into leaving... My favorite was this gem:

Reporter: So, do you really believe that the world will end, like Warren Jeffs proclaimed?
Guy: Stares blankly at him
Reporter: So, are you going to talk to me?
Guy: Shakes his head no.
Reporter: But you can hear me, right?
Guy: Widens eyes and looks at reporter like "Are you kidding me?"

And we wonder why reporters are labelled as vultures, when they're more interested in THE story, ANY story, and the pursuit of that overrides all other things, like manners, common decency, and morals...

Dry-humping a non-story on a slow news day? The media?

Say it ain't so?

here to help: So even if you can suspend rational thought long enough to believe the Golden Plates nonsense the truth behind the Book of Abraham is proof that Smith was either a delusional, self aggrandizing lunatic or an outright fraud.

Documentary: The Book of Abraham

The interviews with the church members at the end when questioned about the obvious mistranslation of the Egyptian scrolls is sad and frightening.

Spoiler alert... they were Egyptian death scrolls detailing the death of some ancient mucky muck. Nothing to do with Abraham. He just made up the story to go along with the pretty pictures (hieroglyphs).

Just putting that out there for those who don't know. I didn't until seeing that doc. Always thought they were a little off... now I think they be totes cray cray.

What? We should use a book of superstition to argue something?
That'll clear things up.

Inflatable Rhetoric: Jgok: MrHappyRotter: Um, the world is actually going to end this year on 13-13-2013.

Nope, March 14th 2015 at 9:26:53.

/and we'll all have pie.

In what time zone?

It's a rolling apocalypse. Those of us on the east coast of the U.S will get five hours of pie-eating time after the western half of the U.K. is vaporized.