If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(ABC Local)   Our first "naked, sword-wielding maniac" story of 2013 comes courtesy of San Jose, CA   (abclocal.go.com) divider line 65
    More: Scary, San Jose, courtesy, San Jose Police Department  
•       •       •

5437 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Jan 2013 at 5:38 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



65 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2013-01-01 02:11:44 PM  
weknowmemes.com
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-01-01 02:27:46 PM  
The subject exited the vehicle naked and brandishing a large Samurai sword saying, "You're going to have to kill me" several times.

You don't want to die, cops shoot you dead. You want to die, they arrest you. Can't win.
 
2013-01-01 03:55:47 PM  
Why is always a Samurai sword with the naked guys?  You never hear about a naked guy with Claymore, or even a Bastard Sword.  If I ever lose and run about the streets naked, I am taking a battle axe!  People will remember me if I have a battle axe.
 
2013-01-01 04:38:50 PM  

Ennuipoet: Why is always a Samurai sword with the naked guys?  You never hear about a naked guy with Claymore, or even a Bastard Sword.  If I ever lose and run about the streets naked, I am taking a battle axe!  People will remember me if I have a battle axe.


Two-handed weapons are such a biatch in a situation like that, though.  And I doubt that the guy had the feat required to use a bastard sword one handed.

/rolls 1d20
//gets a 1
 
2013-01-01 05:13:47 PM  
Bath salts resurgence?
 
2013-01-01 05:42:25 PM  
Ban assault sharp edges!
 
2013-01-01 05:42:37 PM  
Is "naked, sword wielding" redundant?
 
2013-01-01 05:43:31 PM  
I...

Jeez.  I had an uncomfortably close connection to the Newtown thing (niece, she was not hurt).

I also personally encountered a hopped-up lunatic, in San Jose, just last September (nobody hurt then but it was very unsettling).  And it honestly makes me wonder if this is the same guy.

It's a small world after all.
 
2013-01-01 05:43:55 PM  

Ennuipoet: Why is always a Samurai sword with the naked guys?  You never hear about a naked guy with Claymore, or even a Bastard Sword.  If I ever lose and run about the streets naked, I am taking a battle axe!  People will remember me if I have a battle axe.


Naked, screaming and wielding a battle axe? I sure would.
 
2013-01-01 05:44:09 PM  
When you ban the open carry of rifles in California, the nutcases start to carry swords.


/Wait. I'm OK with that: Bullets are harder to outrun.
 
2013-01-01 05:44:25 PM  
Yes greenlight this one, not my misspelled headline with 9 comments
 
2013-01-01 05:45:49 PM  

fluffy2097: Ban assault sharp edges!


Give me my constitutional right to carry a bazooka onto a plane, or into a kindergarten, you compromising panytwaist.
 
2013-01-01 05:45:53 PM  
Which was mightier?
 
2013-01-01 05:46:06 PM  
He should have used lightning bolt.
 
2013-01-01 05:47:21 PM  

demaL-demaL-yeH: When you ban the open carry of rifles in California, the nutcases start to carry swords.


/Wait. I'm OK with that: Bullets are harder to outrun.


Can't say for certain, but I'd be shocked if it's legal to carry a sword in public there either.
 
2013-01-01 05:51:39 PM  
I prefer my maniac swordwielders to be in metal bikinis.
 
2013-01-01 05:51:41 PM  
... naked and brandishing a large Samurai sword, if you know what I mean.
 
2013-01-01 05:53:12 PM  

DesktopHippie: demaL-demaL-yeH: When you ban the open carry of rifles in California, the nutcases start to carry swords.


/Wait. I'm OK with that: Bullets are harder to outrun.

Can't say for certain, but I'd be shocked if it's legal to carry a sword in public there either.


Years ago, there was an exception for "martial arts" swords, to allow for carrying them to and from class or something. Not sure if that's still the case. It might just fall under the general knife laws, which mostly say open carry of any fixed blade is legal.
 
2013-01-01 05:54:19 PM  
Would a picture or two have inconvenienced someone that much? The naughty bits could be blurred out.

/or not
 
2013-01-01 05:56:16 PM  
What a way to start a year.
 
2013-01-01 05:57:34 PM  
Yeah but it is illegal to carry an unloaded rifle in cities in California... how could this have happened???
 
2013-01-01 05:58:50 PM  
They should have shot him in the peen with a taser, that would make him think twice about doing this again next week.
 
2013-01-01 05:59:47 PM  
imageshack.us
 
2013-01-01 06:00:47 PM  

Ennuipoet: Why is always a Samurai sword with the naked guys?  You never hear about a naked guy with Claymore, or even a Bastard Sword.  If I ever lose and run about the streets naked, I am taking a battle axe!  People will remember me if I have a battle axe.


plotn08.com

/agrees
 
2013-01-01 06:04:47 PM  

Kibbler: Give me my constitutional right to carry a bazooka onto a plane, or into a kindergarten, you compromising panytwaist.


Only if you can't cut yourself on it!

NO SHARP EDGES! SHARP EDGES ARE MURDER MACHINES!
 
2013-01-01 06:07:28 PM  

ZAZ: The subject exited the vehicle naked and brandishing a large Samurai sword saying, "You're going to have to kill me" several times.

You don't want to die, cops shoot you dead. You want to die, they arrest you. Can't win.


/Yes,if they want to charge you, or shoot at you, to get away,THATS  when you fire them up.  No fun riddling their bodies if they want it.
 
2013-01-01 06:10:40 PM  
If we want to get rid of mass shootings seems all we need to do is ban clothes. Which would also do wonders for the obesity epidemic, really I don't know why the Nudist lobby isn't all over this.
 
2013-01-01 06:13:29 PM  

Zavulon: DesktopHippie: demaL-demaL-yeH: When you ban the open carry of rifles in California, the nutcases start to carry swords.


/Wait. I'm OK with that: Bullets are harder to outrun.

Can't say for certain, but I'd be shocked if it's legal to carry a sword in public there either.

Years ago, there was an exception for "martial arts" swords, to allow for carrying them to and from class or something. Not sure if that's still the case. It might just fall under the general knife laws, which mostly say open carry of any fixed blade is legal.


I guess it has to do with how easy it is to sneak up on someone with your chosen weapon. You know, because a handgun or knife can be kept in a pocket or whatever till it's time for the criminal to strike; whereas it's much harder to conceal your intentions strolling down the boulevard with a 14-foot sarissa over your shoulder. And while it's true that a rocket launcher does much more damage than, say, even a Glock; one would HOPE that someone hauling an RPG around the average suburb would be spotted right away and stopped. Or perhaps not.

Why carriers of edged weapons have to be naked nowadays is anyone's guess.
 
2013-01-01 06:16:29 PM  
Did the samurai sword have a high capacity clip?
 
2013-01-01 06:16:35 PM  

Britney Spear's Speculum: Yes greenlight this one, not my misspelled headline with 9 comments


i1197.photobucket.com
 
2013-01-01 06:21:09 PM  
If being naked and banishing a Samurai sword is such a power play, how come erection isn't part of the story?
 
2013-01-01 06:24:49 PM  

Zavulon: Years ago, there was an exception for "martial arts" swords, to allow for carrying them to and from class or something. Not sure if that's still the case. It might just fall under the general knife laws, which mostly say open carry of any fixed blade is legal.


Not sure about other places but California pretty much outlaws carrying any weapon that isn't a gun. As friend said, if you're going to carry a concealed weapon, carry a pistol, because it's a simple misdemeanor.
 
2013-01-01 06:26:11 PM  
Stay Classy!

dl.dropbox.com
 
2013-01-01 06:29:14 PM  

Ennuipoet: Why is always a Samurai sword with the naked guys?  You never hear about a naked guy with Claymore, or even a Bastard Sword.  If I ever lose and run about the streets naked, I am taking a battle axe!  People will remember me if I have a battle axe.


Samurai swords are light, cheap and its easier to name the flea markets that don't carry them then ones that do.
 
2013-01-01 06:31:17 PM  

Ronin_S: Ennuipoet: Why is always a Samurai sword with the naked guys?  You never hear about a naked guy with Claymore, or even a Bastard Sword.  If I ever lose and run about the streets naked, I am taking a battle axe!  People will remember me if I have a battle axe.

Samurai swords are light, cheap and its easier to name the flea markets that don't carry them then ones that do.


Obscure polearms also seem to be neglected in the things-frequently-wielded-by-naked-folk category.
 
2013-01-01 06:47:55 PM  

Nuclear Monk: Ronin_S: Ennuipoet: Why is always a Samurai sword with the naked guys?  You never hear about a naked guy with Claymore, or even a Bastard Sword.  If I ever lose and run about the streets naked, I am taking a battle axe!  People will remember me if I have a battle axe.

Samurai swords are light, cheap and its easier to name the flea markets that don't carry them then ones that do.

Obscure polearms also seem to be neglected in the things-frequently-wielded-by-naked-folk category.


True. You don't have many stories involving a naked loonie wielding a bec-de-corbin or glave-guissarme these days.
 
2013-01-01 07:04:39 PM  
Clearly we need stricter sword control laws.
 
2013-01-01 07:08:50 PM  

RoyFokker'sGhost: True. You don't have many stories involving a naked loonie wielding a bec-de-corbin or glave-guissarme these days.


Even a flail or a holy water sprinkler!  Do Clerics never freak out, strip and threaten passers by?
 
2013-01-01 07:20:50 PM  
But... but... the media told me that mental health isn't a real issue and that only guns kill people!
 
2013-01-01 07:21:46 PM  

Ennuipoet: RoyFokker'sGhost: True. You don't have many stories involving a naked loonie wielding a bec-de-corbin or glave-guissarme these days.

Even a flail or a holy water sprinkler!  Do Clerics never freak out, strip and threaten passers by?


Check the other thread. Guy used a hammer.

Are pole arms banned?
 
2013-01-01 07:29:58 PM  
A witness said it sounded like a sword from the Meiji period.
 
2013-01-01 07:32:12 PM  
Apparently I'm doing it wrong with my gold guilded ninja sword..... Where do I learn these Naked Ninja powers? I here this is the final level before advancing to True Invisibilty.
 
2013-01-01 07:32:55 PM  
zapatopi.net
www.borispalatnik.com
 
2013-01-01 07:33:05 PM  
I'm sorry, I guess I would make a terrible cop. I see a naked, sword-weidling man who is driving around with an AR 15 or whatever it is, I'm not going to get involved in an hours-long stand off. I'd take the guy out. Might aim for the knees and see what happens, but I couldn't stand there for two hours watching the guy jibber and cavort like he has half a working brain.
 
2013-01-01 07:33:19 PM  

NephilimNexus: But... but... the media told me that mental health isn't a real issue and that only guns kill people!


Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz is tired of your prank calls.
 
2013-01-01 07:34:57 PM  

bigstoopidbruce: I'm sorry, I guess I would make a terrible cop. I see a naked, sword-weidling man who is driving around with an AR 15 or whatever it is, I'm not going to get involved in an hours-long stand off. I'd take the guy out. Might aim for the knees and see what happens, but I couldn't stand there for two hours watching the guy jibber and cavort like he has half a working brain.


Paperwork. Too much paperwork to shoot an obvious nutcase who asked to be shot.
 
2013-01-01 07:39:40 PM  

bigstoopidbruce: I'm sorry, I guess I would make a terrible cop. I see a naked, sword-weidling man who is driving around with an AR 15 or whatever it is, I'm not going to get involved in an hours-long stand off. I'd take the guy out. Might aim for the knees and see what happens, but I couldn't stand there for two hours watching the guy jibber and cavort like he has half a working brain.


Why not? Dude, that's going to be the funniest thing you're going to see all week!
 
2013-01-01 07:50:39 PM  

StoPPeRmobile: Are pole arms banned?


Depends upon your deity I suppose, but edge weapons are generally a no-no.
 
Rat
2013-01-01 07:54:36 PM  
© I googled naked samurai and it took me a while to make it back to FARK
 
2013-01-01 07:55:27 PM  

Gyrfalcon: Zavulon: DesktopHippie: demaL-demaL-yeH: When you ban the open carry of rifles in California, the nutcases start to carry swords.


/Wait. I'm OK with that: Bullets are harder to outrun.

Can't say for certain, but I'd be shocked if it's legal to carry a sword in public there either.

Years ago, there was an exception for "martial arts" swords, to allow for carrying them to and from class or something. Not sure if that's still the case. It might just fall under the general knife laws, which mostly say open carry of any fixed blade is legal.

I guess it has to do with how easy it is to sneak up on someone with your chosen weapon. You know, because a handgun or knife can be kept in a pocket or whatever till it's time for the criminal to strike; whereas it's much harder to conceal your intentions strolling down the boulevard with a 14-foot sarissa over your shoulder. And while it's true that a rocket launcher does much more damage than, say, even a Glock; one would HOPE that someone hauling an RPG around the average suburb would be spotted right away and stopped. Or perhaps not.

Why carriers of edged weapons have to be naked nowadays is anyone's guess.


Yeah, that's kinda how it works in Ireland. A lot of gun and blade types are either illegal to carry in the open or banned outright, but we kept the stuff that's useful or stupidly difficult to conceal. Makes it easier for the police to focus on the people who are actually breaking the law. It's the same in the UK. They banned a bunch of semi-autos and high calibre guns after some guy in Hungerford wiped out a bunch of his neighbours, and then handguns after some guy in Dublane killed most of a classroom of kids, but they didn't bother banning shotguns after some guy in Cumbria shot 12 people with one because they figured all reasonable precautions had already been taken in terms of gun types available. They're focusing instead on extending the checks on gun owners they put in after Dublane - particularly making doctors aware if their patients are gun owners so they can altert the authorities if someone they're treating is suicidal. Last I checked, they hadn't sorted out the ins and outs of it though. There are a hell of a lot of privacy and data protection issues to consider.
 
2013-01-01 08:06:13 PM  

Nuclear Monk: Obscure polearms also seem to be neglected in the things-frequently-wielded-by-naked-folk category.


Believe me, if I ever decide that it's time to be naked and screaming and gunned down by the police, I will most assuredly do so while brandishing a Bohemian Ear Spoon.
 
2013-01-01 08:10:36 PM  
I'd love to speculate on what weapon I would choose to wield naked, but I just know I'd chicken out at the last minute and wear a swimsuit or something.

/Besides, it's cold here
 
2013-01-01 08:37:47 PM  
Oblig?
NSFW language
 
2013-01-01 08:56:02 PM  
i would use my meat sword
 
2013-01-01 09:21:18 PM  

DubtodaIll: If we want to get rid of mass shootings seems all we need to do is ban clothes. Which would also do wonders for the obesity epidemic, really I don't know why the Nudist lobby isn't all over this.


This would solve a number of problems, like taking a girl home only to find out she has two mosquito bites in a pushup, or knowing if a guy is lying when a woman asks him "honey, do you find me attractive?" ... I am so behind this law!!
 
2013-01-01 09:29:34 PM  

NephilimNexus: But... but... the media told me that mental health isn't a real issue and that only guns kill people!


2 out 10 - very week troll-fu.
Me thinks you missed the part of the article where, because all he had was a sword (and was nice enough to strip so they could SEE that all he had was a sword) no one died, not even the suicidal ninja. But thanks for playing!
 
2013-01-01 09:46:14 PM  
After 29 years of being called Coco, it's no damn wonder he snapped.
 
2013-01-01 10:14:18 PM  

bigstoopidbruce: I'm sorry, I guess I would make a terrible cop. I see a naked, sword-weidling man who is driving around with an AR 15 or whatever it is, I'm not going to get involved in an hours-long stand off. I'd take the guy out. Might aim for the knees and see what happens, but I couldn't stand there for two hours watching the guy jibber and cavort like he has half a working brain.


Yes and after you spent the next six months, filling out paperwork and giving depositions before various lawyers, next time you'll be all, bozo, as long you're waving that cheap chrome plated 'samurai sword' around over there, and not over here, I've got afternoon.
 
2013-01-01 10:43:10 PM  
When are we going to enact sensible penis control legislation? There is no reason for a citizen to have a semi-automatic assault penis with a high capacity scrotum capable of shooting thousands of sperm at once. Regulation and background checks, if not an outright ban, are necessary to keep our children safe.
 
2013-01-01 11:31:15 PM  

darth_badger: i would use my meat sword


Let me know when....
 
2013-01-02 12:46:17 AM  

Point02GPA: If being naked and banishing a Samurai sword is such a power play, how come erection isn't part of the story?


It just didn't come up.
 
2013-01-02 02:36:10 AM  
There's something about San Jose and samurai sword-wielding maniacs...
Link

/Happened up the street from me.
//Never liked that Walgreens
///They caught the guy, btw
 
2013-01-02 02:59:29 AM  

Britney Spear's Speculum: Yes greenlight this one, not my misspelled headline with 9 comments


There can be only one.
 
2013-01-02 10:15:32 AM  
I'd have the common decency to cover my face, with a gas mask.

I'd probably also weild a yari, because reach is important.

/Naked except for a gas mask, weilding a Yari.
//Also Florida tag.
 
2013-01-02 12:05:43 PM  

DesktopHippie: Gyrfalcon: Zavulon: DesktopHippie: demaL-demaL-yeH: When you ban the open carry of rifles in California, the nutcases start to carry swords.


/Wait. I'm OK with that: Bullets are harder to outrun.

Can't say for certain, but I'd be shocked if it's legal to carry a sword in public there either.

Years ago, there was an exception for "martial arts" swords, to allow for carrying them to and from class or something. Not sure if that's still the case. It might just fall under the general knife laws, which mostly say open carry of any fixed blade is legal.

I guess it has to do with how easy it is to sneak up on someone with your chosen weapon. You know, because a handgun or knife can be kept in a pocket or whatever till it's time for the criminal to strike; whereas it's much harder to conceal your intentions strolling down the boulevard with a 14-foot sarissa over your shoulder. And while it's true that a rocket launcher does much more damage than, say, even a Glock; one would HOPE that someone hauling an RPG around the average suburb would be spotted right away and stopped. Or perhaps not.

Why carriers of edged weapons have to be naked nowadays is anyone's guess.

Yeah, that's kinda how it works in Ireland. A lot of gun and blade types are either illegal to carry in the open or banned outright, but we kept the stuff that's useful or stupidly difficult to conceal. Makes it easier for the police to focus on the people who are actually breaking the law. It's the same in the UK. They banned a bunch of semi-autos and high calibre guns after some guy in Hungerford wiped out a bunch of his neighbours, and then handguns after some guy in Dublane killed most of a classroom of kids, but they didn't bother banning shotguns after some guy in Cumbria shot 12 people with one because they figured all reasonable precautions had already been taken in terms of gun types available. They're focusing instead on extending the checks on gun owners they put in after Dublane - particularly making doctors aware if their patients are gun owners so they can altert the authorities if someone they're treating is suicidal. Last I checked, they hadn't sorted out the ins and outs of it though. There are a hell of a lot of privacy and data protection issues to consider.


Just checked again out of curiosity. It turns out that under CA state law, open carry of anything that's not a switchblade (defined in PC 653k) is still legal. The relevant bit is PC 12020's language about what constitutes a "dirk or dagger". Basically, any fixed blade cannot be concealed, but there are no restrictions on open carry. Folding blades of any length may be carried concealed.

That's state law, though. I believe a number of counties and cities have more restrictive ordinances on the books.

//not a lawyer, etc.
 
Displayed 65 of 65 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report