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(Fark)   Fark's 2012 Headline of the Year contest: Business tab headlines   ( ) divider line
    More: HOTY, businesses, Contests  
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2583 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Dec 2012 at 2:03 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

27 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Votes
2012-12-31 01:31:15 PM  
 Following up the other subtab contests from earlier today, here is the fifth and final subtab contest for the Business tab. Which one deserves the title? Vote for your favorites here.
2012-12-31 01:32:59 PM  
After BJs, Costco is eager to penetrate deeper into Virginia
2012-12-31 01:33:15 PM  
American Airlines and U.S. Airways agree to terms of merger. "We seek to create an airline that combines the low on-time performance of American with the horrendous customer service that has made U.S. Airways a household name"
2012-12-31 01:38:58 PM  
Apple Brings Jobs to Texas. Can't you just leave the poor guy in the grave?
2012-12-31 01:44:41 PM  
Chicago strip club offers customers lap dance in exchange for toy donation to charity, Jade, Destiny
2012-12-31 01:44:58 PM  
Colorado beer industry takes steps to eliminate "smoky" taste from local water so as to avoid giving Coors any semblance of flavor
2012-12-31 01:45:45 PM  
Cuba introduces income tax for the first time in more than 50 years, to the dismay of the six Cubans who have an income
2012-12-31 01:46:04 PM  
Facebook pays $1 billion for a company that produces a free app that can make pictures from your $500 phone look like they were taken with a $10 camera
2012-12-31 01:46:45 PM  
Ferdinand A. Porsche dead at 76. Nothing was the same after 911
2012-12-31 01:47:13 PM  
If Apple continues on its current trajectory, it could wind up at $1 trillion. If it uses Apple Maps, it could wind up at a gas station in Botswana
2012-12-31 01:48:00 PM  
Illinois Amtrak train sets a record by going over 110 mph. Officials concede that Amtrak trains have been clocked at higher speeds, but this one was different because it actually stayed on the tracks
2012-12-31 01:48:27 PM  
Introducing: Air. A carbonated water beverage with 4% alcohol by volume. Virtually odorless, colorless, and tasteless, it may at first seem like Coors Light, but should you consume enough, this stuff will actually get you drunk
2012-12-31 01:49:40 PM  
Microsoft defenestrates 200 workers
2012-12-31 01:50:32 PM  
Purple produce purveyors petulantly proclaim premature primavera preemptively prevented personal prosperity, postponing packaged product premiere, prompting product pusillanimity
2012-12-31 01:50:51 PM  
Taco Bell introducing a new line of 'upscale' and 'gourmet' menu items. Order your butthole monocles now
2012-12-31 01:54:23 PM  
Thai workers: "We need a 300-baht minimum daily wage next year." Thai official: "What, are you dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think I am? I'm the goddamn baht man"
2012-12-31 01:54:40 PM  
Thalidomide victims are flippant about drug maker's apology
2012-12-31 01:56:37 PM  
Total signs $2.3 billion shale deal. You would have to sign 500 Kellogg's shale deals to equal the shale dealing power of Total
2012-12-31 01:56:53 PM  
US credit rating downgraded to Redneck Lottery Winner
2012-12-31 01:57:17 PM  
US hotels are going out of their way to make Chinese tourists feel at home. Services include slippers, hot tea, a quiet place where their kids can assemble some tennis shoes
2012-12-31 01:57:43 PM  
Zynga stock plummets because of poor earnings. [Need more earnings? Buy some now]
2012-12-31 02:02:44 PM  
A few extra headlines that I liked that didn't quite make the cut but deserve some love:

"Angela Merkel has the whip hand in an orgy of austerity" - man, those Germans sure do freaky porn

Bolivia is in two minds about what to do with their huge reserves of lithium

Netflix CEO says the service will become more and more like a cable channel. They've already gotten off to a great start by alienating most of their customers

Verizon's VP of Network Engineering says its LTE network is fast like greased weasels on speed, and every bit as stable

Brooklyn hipster biatches to NYC DEP about 64-year-old local deli because it smells too much like real roasted coffee and not enough like fair-trade double-roasted artisanally cuddled beans

After 70 years, Germany to publish new edition of 'Mein Kampf'. Tentative working title: Hitler: Göing Roguenfrauzen

Apollo slumps 8%. YA GOT HIM ON THE ROPES, ROCKY

Vidal Sassoon split, ends

Goodwill gets a new CEO. Early reports suggest she was lured in by an extremely generous used sweater and broken TV compensation package

Ford recalls 8000 Escapes because the carpet doesn't match the brakes

Not so fast, we can't allow you to wear your Pepsi® shirt to The Olympics. I'm sorry, I mean Coca-Cola®'s The Olympics. Excuse me, I mean McDonald's® and Coca-Cola® Present The Olympics Featuring Adidas®

It's time to see older workers as an asset, not just as a source of food and replacement organs

Kayak IPO shares priced somewhere between up a creek and without a paddle

Man United exploring US stock market IPO. Stock will frequently go down for no reason only to bounce back up several minutes later, and regulators will give extra time at the end of the market to recoup its losses if in the red

McAfee releases third quarter threats report, forgets to list their founder

Walmart, KMart, Target all turn 50 this year. Business experts agree they don't look a day over 49.97

Cost of college is up by about $400 this fall, as students are expected to buy one more book than usual

Microsoft patents smacking your phone to make it shut up. Subby is sure he saw prior art for this in the toy section at Wal-Mart yesterday

Headline-writer gets hold of Hungarian phrasebook, bangs out "Beating Stagflation Boosts Brazil to Turkey Demand for Linkers." Drop your panties, Sir William; I cannot wait until lunchtime

Hurricane gas shortage in New York prompts Craigslist ads asking to trade a little bit of Ethel for a little bit of Ethyl

Discover Card refunds $200 million to card holders for deceptive marketing practices. The deception actually occurred when they told the customers there were businesses that would honor the card
2012-12-31 02:16:12 PM  

Headline of the Year candidate: Chicago strip club offers customers lap dance in exchange for toy donation to charity, Jade, Destiny

Utter brilliance.
2012-12-31 02:19:54 PM  
I don't know if there's been defenestrate headlines in the past, but that one got my vote. +1
2012-12-31 02:22:10 PM  
I'm going straight to hell for laughing heartily at the Thalidomide headline. Props to subby on that one.
2012-12-31 04:48:01 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Headline of the Year candidate: Chicago strip club offers customers lap dance in exchange for toy donation to charity, Jade, Destiny

Utter brilliance.

2012-12-31 07:00:05 PM  
The Hungarian Phrasebook one had me giggling. I mean, individually, I know all of those words, but together like that, it's a hovercraft full of eels.
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