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(Alaska Dispatch)   Experts now say MI6 agent described as a an introverted math genius with an unorthodox sexual history probably got naked, climbed into the gym bag in his bathroom and padlocked it shut, before being found dead   (alaskadispatch.com) divider line 93
    More: Strange, history of human sexuality, gym bag, bathrooms, electronic components  
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7954 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Dec 2012 at 11:11 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-31 05:09:39 AM
did he shoot himself in the head first, cause then i would really be impressed
 
2012-12-31 05:24:06 AM
*side eye*
 
2012-12-31 07:15:13 AM
Man... They train those MI6 guys to do EVERYTHING.
 
2012-12-31 07:51:49 AM
Needs an unlikely tab.
 
2012-12-31 09:29:20 AM
Hey at least the case is closed now. And locked. With a body inside.
 
2012-12-31 11:14:36 AM

some_beer_drinker: did he shoot himself in the head first, cause then i would really be impressed


No he just fell on a knife.....36 times.
 
2012-12-31 11:16:14 AM
That sounds like a positively terrifying way to die.
 
2012-12-31 11:16:14 AM
Problem solved.
 
2012-12-31 11:16:26 AM
Damn, that movie franchise sure turned ridiculous in a hurry.
 
2012-12-31 11:18:07 AM
and for his next trick, he'll be appearing in the next episode of Downtown Abbey
 
2012-12-31 11:18:32 AM
Yeah, right. And the DC madam really hung herself with nylon cord just before she was set to go to court to talk about 9/11. Please. What's the point of a coroner without integrity?
 
2012-12-31 11:20:07 AM

ExperianScaresCthulhu: Yeah, right. And the DC madam really hung herself with nylon cord just before she was set to go to court to talk about 9/11. Please. What's the point of a coroner without integrity?


To, um, be fodder for detective stories?
 
2012-12-31 11:20:42 AM
The sad thing is that a majority will take this story as truth.
 
2012-12-31 11:24:02 AM
New rage declaration? DIAB
 
2012-12-31 11:24:04 AM
 
2012-12-31 11:24:29 AM

JonnyG: The sad thing is that a majority will take this story as truth.


If you read enough case histories, you'll find that people fairly regularly die in various exotic, unlikely, and embarrassing ways.

And this story is right on that edge of being just sufficiently doable and unluckily fatal for some idiot to have managed to pull off.
 
2012-12-31 11:24:52 AM
Not to totally Godwin this thread, but it seems more true every day that Hitler was right when he said: "The bigger the lie, the more people will believe it."
 
2012-12-31 11:25:47 AM

some_beer_drinker: did he shoot himself in the head first, cause then i would really be impressed


Extra awesome "suicide" points if he managed to shoot himself in the back of the head before padlocking himself into the gym bag first too.

No cover up here citizen, nothing to see here.
 
2012-12-31 11:26:43 AM
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-12-31 11:27:02 AM

JonnyG: The sad thing is that a majority will take this story as truth.


Yes, because the assasins trying to kill him thought

1st Killer - "Hey, instead of making a mess, lets just put the body into a bag so it's an easy cleanup for the landlord"
2nd Killer - "But what if he's becomes a zombie?"
1st Killer "Well, we'll lock the bag, duh. Think this is the first time I killed someone..."

No, professional killers would have staged it to look like a typical death so there would be less questions. They wouldn't zip lock the body.
 
2012-12-31 11:28:07 AM
I already tend not to believe any story that MI6 is willing to stand by. They are only slightly more likely to be truthful than the CIA.
 
2012-12-31 11:29:42 AM
"described as a an introverted math genius"?

Hey idiot, since "an" is phonetically pronounced with a vowel sound it should be:

"described as an an introverted math genius".
 
2012-12-31 11:30:24 AM
Ah, another member for our Village!

Supervisor, make arrangements for our newest citizen!

a2.ec-images.myspacecdn.com
 
2012-12-31 11:31:23 AM
They left out the fact that he proudly exclaimed "The Aristocrats!" before he died...
 
2012-12-31 11:31:58 AM
I was actually ok with the setup. You can squeeze the clasp on a padlock closed through fabric. But then they threw in the salacious back-story. And whenever the person who died "oddly" was discovered to have a child porn fetish or was a transvestite, or whatever flavor is out of favor that week, I have to give pause and reflect.
/do they usually slander suicides or just when it's a government employee?
 
2012-12-31 11:32:24 AM
some_beer_drinker: did he shoot himself in the head first, cause then i would really be impressed

>> i think what he did was shoot himself in the back of the head, bound his hands behind his back, hung himself, and then locked himself inside the gym bag. makes sense.
 
2012-12-31 11:33:12 AM

Dick Gozinya: Not to totally Godwin this thread, but it seems more true every day that Hitler was right when he said: "The bigger the lie, the more people will believe it."


That was Goebbles. He did work for Hitler, though, so close enough.
 
2012-12-31 11:33:27 AM
cache.boston.com

Ah, the old "Dirty Einstein". I saw a midget try this once in a Hong Kong opium den in 1956. Poor bastard lost a thumb trying to get the zipper on the gym bag shut."
 
2012-12-31 11:34:16 AM
Maybe he's a topographer.

/Klein bottle gym bag?
 
2012-12-31 11:36:03 AM
I convinced a Korean kid to get into my dufflebag once. True story and CS, bro.
 
2012-12-31 11:38:50 AM
"described as a an introverted math genius"?

What the hell, subby?
 
2012-12-31 11:41:11 AM

Amos Quito: [24.media.tumblr.com image 850x708]


Boy, I hope Bilbo has an extra long one of these:
www.azpartsmaster.com
 
2012-12-31 11:41:29 AM
He was just giving the Schrodinger's Cat theory a really good tryout.
 
2012-12-31 11:42:43 AM
Suicide. Yeah. That's the ticket. >_>'
 
2012-12-31 11:44:00 AM
whatever gets you off...
 
2012-12-31 11:44:10 AM

Suede head: He was just giving the Schrodinger's Cat theory a really good tryout.


Ah good point. He wasn't dead until someone opened the bag. So whoever opened the bag is the murderer

Can't be suicide.
 
2012-12-31 11:44:32 AM
www.coastal.com

R.I.P. A AN INTROVERTED MATH GENIUS MI6 AGENT
 
2012-12-31 11:52:04 AM
i.imgur.com

Mr. Furious: Seems there was a little controversy there regarding your father's death.
The Bowler: Yes, the police said he fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.
The Blue Raja: You know, I've always suspected a bit of foul play there.
The Bowler: As have I.
 
2012-12-31 11:53:35 AM
I'm just curious about the specialists who could not even lock themselves in a bag. Just what was their specialty.
 
2012-12-31 11:54:07 AM
This thread is probably as good as any to ask this:

Am I the only one that is hoping for a Judi Dench sex tape scandal before she dies?
 
2012-12-31 11:55:46 AM
More likely, they were getting his body ready for disposal, loaded him into the gym bag to carry him out... and then discovered that they could not carry him in the gym bag, so they just left him.

Ever see that episode of Mythbusters where they set up body-disposal olympics? No, they used a human analogue fake-body, and they hauled it around a track of common movie myth body disposal scenarios (shoved in a closet, up and down a flight of stairs, through a window, into the trunk of an undersized car, etc.)

Before doing the action with a fake body, they did it with a roll of chain that weighed exactly as much as the mannequin, and it was more difficult because all the weight was in one lump... just like a gym bag.
 
2012-12-31 12:00:47 PM

Sweaty Dynamite: Hmmm. Sounds like our local suicide with hands bound and floating in a lake.


fark me that's um wow I would move out of town before you commit "suicide"
 
2012-12-31 12:03:47 PM

Captain Steroid: Suicide. Yeah. That's the ticket. >_>'


Is anyone claiming it was deliberate suicide? I thought the story was that he got off on locking himself in tight spaces, until the one time when it all went wrong and he couldn't get himself out.
 
2012-12-31 12:05:13 PM
*shrug* people die in strange ways sometimes. Seems like it would be possible to manipulate a padlock through the fabric of the bag. I could see him getting himself in there, not being able to get out and quickly suffocating in the confined space. He wouldn't be the first person to accidentally kill themselves during an act of self-bondage, see David Carradine: Link
 
2012-12-31 12:05:53 PM
Well, the government made all the appropriate efforts to drive him off the deep end. The old saying applies: just because you are paranoid doesn't mean that "they" aren't out to get you.
 
2012-12-31 12:08:36 PM

pjc51: Captain Steroid: Suicide. Yeah. That's the ticket. >_>'

Is anyone claiming it was deliberate suicide? I thought the story was that he got off on locking himself in tight spaces, until the one time when it all went wrong and he couldn't get himself out.


I think they're saying its an illegitimate suicide. As opposed to a legitimate one where the body is able to just kind of shut it all down...or something like that.
 
2012-12-31 12:10:28 PM
Like the Clinton Death List -

"He's shot three times in the back of the head."
"Clearly a suicide."
 
2012-12-31 12:13:50 PM
Suspicious.

They tried to replicate what he had to have done were it suicide, and the team doing it did not succeed in over 400 attempts. Then a 'retired seargent' managed it once, apparently so that's *clearly* what happened.
 
2012-12-31 12:15:30 PM
Yeah, and Alexander Litvinenko just ate some bad sushi.
 
2012-12-31 12:20:54 PM
However, after hearing from two specialists who unsuccessfully attempted to lock themselves in an identical bag, [Westminster Coroner] Wilcox said he was probably killed and it "remained a legitimate line of inquiry" that the secret services may have been involved in the death.
 
2012-12-31 12:22:32 PM

Cuthbert Allgood: This thread is probably as good as any to ask this:

Am I the only one that is hoping for a Judi Dench sex tape scandal before she dies?


Oh I already made one of those. Took days to clean the VCR afterward.
 
2012-12-31 12:22:42 PM
Why, to suggest this wasn't a suicide would mean you are a tin-foil hat wearing conspiracy theorist kook.
 
2012-12-31 12:22:43 PM

stellarossa: Suspicious.

They tried to replicate what he had to have done were it suicide, and the team doing it did not succeed in over 400 attempts. Then a 'retired seargent' managed it once, apparently so that's *clearly* what happened.


They could come out right now to tell everyone this was an elaborate murder and all the believers would still choose to believe the less sinister story.
 
2012-12-31 12:28:35 PM
In unrelated news, the Hitman Travel Agency just announced a special London package, for the hitman and his victim. Highlights include a special Invitation to London for the victim, lodgings for both hitman and victim at separate locations, and the services of a crack team of coroners and other trades including hardware, poisons, and gas/electric experts.
 
2012-12-31 12:29:26 PM

JonnyG: stellarossa: Suspicious.

They tried to replicate what he had to have done were it suicide, and the team doing it did not succeed in over 400 attempts. Then a 'retired seargent' managed it once, apparently so that's *clearly* what happened.

They could come out right now to tell everyone this was an elaborate murder and all the believers would still choose to believe the less sinister story.


I suspect the dude had become disillusioned with someone/something in MI6 and was in danger of going rogue/blabbing to his mom & sister about some of the shady shiat that MI6 gets up to. Also suspect MI6 can typically see behavior like this long before it becomes a reality and nip it in the bud by staging a died-by-kink' death, making sure the press mention his closet was full of women's clothes, so we all know this dude was the sort of guy to get his kicks from shutting himself into a gym bag for no good reason.
 
2012-12-31 12:29:46 PM
Hey, if i didnt show for work w/o explaination for more than a day, i'd want someone to come to my house and let me out of my gym bag too.

They failed this man, failed him i tell ya.
 
2012-12-31 12:30:31 PM
I wonder if they nicknamed him Bilbo after this.
 
2012-12-31 12:33:34 PM
"Wilcox severely criticized Williams's employers at MI6 who failed to report him missing for seven days when he did not turn up for work."

Yeah, that seems legit. I mean, it's not like keeping track of people would normally be something MI6 would be interested in or anything.
 
2012-12-31 12:34:57 PM

BigSnatch: That sounds like a positively terrifying way to die.

 
2012-12-31 12:36:21 PM
From a guardian article earlier this year:

"An iPhone found in his living room had recently been wiped and restored to factory settings, and it could not be ruled out that contact with a third party had been made via the internet on that phone, she said."
 
2012-12-31 12:37:48 PM
Had a suicide here where a guy shot himself in the back of the head 3 times. Yeah, seriously. Of course, this is the land of Oz, anything can happen here.
 
2012-12-31 12:37:52 PM
Link

..to the article I mentioned above.
 
2012-12-31 12:41:26 PM

Bigdogdaddy: Had a suicide here where a guy shot himself in the back of the head 3 times. Yeah, seriously. Of course, this is the land of Oz, anything can happen here.


Well that story was probably just concocted to divert attention from the possibility he was shot by a murderous marsupial or some rogue form of vegetation.
 
2012-12-31 12:44:59 PM

Arkanaut: Maybe he's a topographer.

/Klein bottle gym bag?


Ach, I meant "topologist".
 
2012-12-31 12:50:09 PM
Zed and Gimp were wanted for questioning, but they were otherwise tied up.
 
2012-12-31 12:50:12 PM
Driving you to commit suicide is way better for the security service. Like giving people a large does of LSD and then putting them in a 23rd floor appartment with an open window. If not this time then eventually you will jump. At that point the cause of death is (drum roll please) drug abuse. From the standpoint of the people that want you dead it's a perfect result. That way if any notes or letters show up they are just the product of a drug addled mind.
 
2012-12-31 12:51:25 PM

advex101: Like giving people a large does of LSD and then putting them in a 23rd floor appartment with an open window. If not this time then eventually you will jump.


Actually from what I've read that guy had blunt force trauma before he jumped so yeaaaah that didn't work however they planned it.
 
2012-12-31 12:52:42 PM

apoptotic: Bigdogdaddy: Had a suicide here where a guy shot himself in the back of the head 3 times. Yeah, seriously. Of course, this is the land of Oz, anything can happen here.

Well that story was probably just concocted to divert attention from the possibility he was shot by a murderous marsupial or some rogue form of vegetation.


Well, this guy was a private detective that had been hired to look into the then Chief of police's activities. Nothing to see here citizen, move along.
 
2012-12-31 12:54:32 PM

A Terrible Human: advex101: Like giving people a large does of LSD and then putting them in a 23rd floor appartment with an open window. If not this time then eventually you will jump.

Actually from what I've read that guy had blunt force trauma before he jumped so yeaaaah that didn't work however they planned it.


Who knows what that guy was doing before he jumped. He was on drugs. In our society that explains away everything. How many guys were shot to death by police because they were "on PCP"?
 
2012-12-31 01:05:37 PM
I can see how he could have climbed in there himself, zipped it closed from the inside, and manipulated the padlock to lock it.
I can also see how a third party "helpfully" tossed both keys inside the bag before he closed it.
 
2012-12-31 01:21:56 PM
*shoots himself in the back of the head 16 times and then stabs himself a couple of times for good measure*
 
2012-12-31 01:26:55 PM
How many days does it take to chew through a bag?
 
2012-12-31 01:30:20 PM
Dr. Wilcox: We are satisfied that on the balance of probabilities that Gareth was killed unlawfully and we can not rule out involvement by the secret services
MI6:Splendid, Dr. Wilcox. Keep up the good work and for your efforts would you like to see the lovely line of carry-all bags we keep just for our agents.
Dr. Wilcox: It is highly probable Gareth killed himself.
 
2012-12-31 01:43:06 PM

Publikwerks: JonnyG: The sad thing is that a majority will take this story as truth.

Yes, because the assasins trying to kill him thought

1st Killer - "Hey, instead of making a mess, lets just put the body into a bag so it's an easy cleanup for the landlord"
2nd Killer - "But what if he's becomes a zombie?"
1st Killer "Well, we'll lock the bag, duh. Think this is the first time I killed someone..."

No, professional killers would have staged it to look like a typical death so there would be less questions. They wouldn't zip lock the body.


Case closed!
 
2012-12-31 01:43:25 PM

some_beer_drinker: did he shoot himself in the head first, cause then i would really be impressed


www.imfdb.org
 
2012-12-31 01:48:26 PM

stellarossa: JonnyG: stellarossa: Suspicious.

They tried to replicate what he had to have done were it suicide, and the team doing it did not succeed in over 400 attempts. Then a 'retired seargent' managed it once, apparently so that's *clearly* what happened.

They could come out right now to tell everyone this was an elaborate murder and all the believers would still choose to believe the less sinister story.

I suspect the dude had become disillusioned with someone/something in MI6 and was in danger of going rogue/blabbing to his mom & sister about some of the shady shiat that MI6 gets up to. Also suspect MI6 can typically see behavior like this long before it becomes a reality and nip it in the bud by staging a died-by-kink' death, making sure the press mention his closet was full of women's clothes, so we all know this dude was the sort of guy to get his kicks from shutting himself into a gym bag for no good reason.


So what you are saying is that MI6 likes to draw attention to itself killing its own employees in very well publicized ways? Either it is a foreign government operation deliberately designed to go public, or maybe it is true. If the MI6 did it he would have just been another person that died young from a heart attack and no one would probably even be aware he had died or who he had worked for.
 
2012-12-31 01:55:47 PM
I'd fire any assassin that worked for me if I ordered a hit and got this circus for my money.

If you want a problem to go away, don't make it headline news.
 
2012-12-31 02:03:46 PM
Masterfully crafted scene of deliberate failure to tie loose ends.
 
2012-12-31 03:11:45 PM

funmonger: I'd fire any assassin that worked for me if I ordered a hit and got this circus for my money.

If you want a problem to go away, don't make it headline news.


The assassins I know are trying to one up each other by creating these elaborate deaths and seeing how far they can push coroners to declare suicides.

They are seriously farked up people.
 
2012-12-31 03:20:45 PM

some_beer_drinker: did he shoot himself in the head first, cause then i would really be impressed


Which head?
 
2012-12-31 03:33:19 PM
Don't knock it until you've tried it.
 
2012-12-31 03:38:17 PM

Dick Gozinya: Not to totally Godwin this thread, but it seems more true every day that Hitler was right when he said: "The bigger the lie, the more people will believe it."


People watch too many movies. This guy is a minor functionary; no reason to kill him, and he's killed in a ridiculously bizarre manner. If they were going to kill him and make it look accidental, would they lock him in a gym bag? And if they were just going to kill him, they'd shoot him.

I'd like to see the gym bag. Does it have enough of a gap when padlocked to reach a hand out? If so, then seems open-and-shut suicide by a freaky deak.
 
2012-12-31 04:14:55 PM

Bigdogdaddy: Had a suicide here where a guy shot himself in the back of the head 3 times. Yeah, seriously. Of course, this is the land of Oz, anything can happen here.


Long ago I encountered a paramedic who was on a call involving an attempted suicide who shot himself in the head 7 times. There's no question about the situation--it was the guy himself who called for help because all the bullet wounds hurt too much. The guy had plenty of liquid courage and that lead to a lack of accuracy. His weapon was a .22 rifle. Every round was deflected by his skull. Keep that in mind when you read these reports of suicides who shot themselves multiple times--the other rounds might be grazes.
 
2012-12-31 04:33:40 PM

Arkanaut: Arkanaut: Maybe he's a topographer.

/Klein bottle gym bag?

Ach, I meant "topologist".


So it was a Klein bag?
 
2012-12-31 05:02:14 PM

Clemkadidlefark: Like the Clinton Death List -

"He's shot three times in the back of the head."
"Clearly a suicide."


Man, that piece of retardation takes me back.
 
2012-12-31 05:04:58 PM

Loren: Bigdogdaddy: Had a suicide here where a guy shot himself in the back of the head 3 times. Yeah, seriously. Of course, this is the land of Oz, anything can happen here.

Long ago I encountered a paramedic who was on a call involving an attempted suicide who shot himself in the head 7 times. There's no question about the situation--it was the guy himself who called for help because all the bullet wounds hurt too much. The guy had plenty of liquid courage and that lead to a lack of accuracy. His weapon was a .22 rifle. Every round was deflected by his skull. Keep that in mind when you read these reports of suicides who shot themselves multiple times--the other rounds might be grazes.


There was a very graphic Dr. G episode along the same lines. Fellow tried to do himself in with a shotgun, tipped it back and kind of took of his face, but didn't hit anything vital. He wandered around for a bit before he reloaded and finished the job.
 
2012-12-31 05:07:07 PM

xria: stellarossa: JonnyG: stellarossa: Suspicious.

They tried to replicate what he had to have done were it suicide, and the team doing it did not succeed in over 400 attempts. Then a 'retired seargent' managed it once, apparently so that's *clearly* what happened.

They could come out right now to tell everyone this was an elaborate murder and all the believers would still choose to believe the less sinister story.

I suspect the dude had become disillusioned with someone/something in MI6 and was in danger of going rogue/blabbing to his mom & sister about some of the shady shiat that MI6 gets up to. Also suspect MI6 can typically see behavior like this long before it becomes a reality and nip it in the bud by staging a died-by-kink' death, making sure the press mention his closet was full of women's clothes, so we all know this dude was the sort of guy to get his kicks from shutting himself into a gym bag for no good reason.

So what you are saying is that MI6 likes to draw attention to itself killing its own employees in very well publicized ways? Either it is a foreign government operation deliberately designed to go public, or maybe it is true. If the MI6 did it he would have just been another person that died young from a heart attack and no one would probably even be aware he had died or who he had worked for.


That's what I'm saying, precisely because of your reaction. "MI6 would NEVER do something as dumb as this".
 
2012-12-31 07:12:03 PM

mbillips: Does it have enough of a gap when padlocked to reach a hand out? If so, then seems open-and-shut suicide by a freaky deak.


I see what you did there.
 
2012-12-31 09:23:10 PM

ExperianScaresCthulhu: Yeah, right. And the DC madam really hung herself with nylon cord just before she was set to go to court to talk about 9/11. Please. What's the point of a coroner without integrity?


I didn't hear about this. Please provide link.
 
2013-01-01 04:20:30 AM
I don't understand the problem. After all, he was British.
 
2013-01-01 02:58:21 PM
darwin struck either way

its either an accident or he became involved in some shiat he shouldnt have.

/thread
 
2013-01-01 03:06:25 PM

viscountalpha: darwin struck either way

its either an accident or he became involved in some shiat he shouldnt have.

/thread


Golf clap for you, sir
 
2013-01-02 11:26:07 AM

AbbeySomeone: ExperianScaresCthulhu: Yeah, right. And the DC madam really hung herself with nylon cord just before she was set to go to court to talk about 9/11. Please. What's the point of a coroner without integrity?

I didn't hear about this. Please provide link.


That's an Alex Jones conspiracy. Here's a link to PrisonPlanet.com but basically it says that she had made public statements that if she "suicided" to investigate for murder. It also points out that a call girl who worked for her committed "suicide" a year or so earlier, also by hanging, and that the journalist who called her suicidal (Dan Moldea) had been caught lying to debunk conspiracies before, specifically about the RFK assassination.
 
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