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(Alaska Dispatch)   Experts now say MI6 agent described as a an introverted math genius with an unorthodox sexual history probably got naked, climbed into the gym bag in his bathroom and padlocked it shut, before being found dead   (alaskadispatch.com) divider line 93
    More: Strange, history of human sexuality, gym bag, bathrooms, electronic components  
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7954 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Dec 2012 at 11:11 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-31 05:09:39 AM
did he shoot himself in the head first, cause then i would really be impressed
 
2012-12-31 05:24:06 AM
*side eye*
 
2012-12-31 07:15:13 AM
Man... They train those MI6 guys to do EVERYTHING.
 
2012-12-31 07:51:49 AM
Needs an unlikely tab.
 
2012-12-31 09:29:20 AM
Hey at least the case is closed now. And locked. With a body inside.
 
2012-12-31 11:14:36 AM

some_beer_drinker: did he shoot himself in the head first, cause then i would really be impressed


No he just fell on a knife.....36 times.
 
2012-12-31 11:16:14 AM
That sounds like a positively terrifying way to die.
 
2012-12-31 11:16:14 AM
Problem solved.
 
2012-12-31 11:16:26 AM
Damn, that movie franchise sure turned ridiculous in a hurry.
 
2012-12-31 11:18:07 AM
and for his next trick, he'll be appearing in the next episode of Downtown Abbey
 
2012-12-31 11:18:32 AM
Yeah, right. And the DC madam really hung herself with nylon cord just before she was set to go to court to talk about 9/11. Please. What's the point of a coroner without integrity?
 
2012-12-31 11:20:07 AM

ExperianScaresCthulhu: Yeah, right. And the DC madam really hung herself with nylon cord just before she was set to go to court to talk about 9/11. Please. What's the point of a coroner without integrity?


To, um, be fodder for detective stories?
 
2012-12-31 11:20:42 AM
The sad thing is that a majority will take this story as truth.
 
2012-12-31 11:24:02 AM
New rage declaration? DIAB
 
2012-12-31 11:24:04 AM
 
2012-12-31 11:24:29 AM

JonnyG: The sad thing is that a majority will take this story as truth.


If you read enough case histories, you'll find that people fairly regularly die in various exotic, unlikely, and embarrassing ways.

And this story is right on that edge of being just sufficiently doable and unluckily fatal for some idiot to have managed to pull off.
 
2012-12-31 11:24:52 AM
Not to totally Godwin this thread, but it seems more true every day that Hitler was right when he said: "The bigger the lie, the more people will believe it."
 
2012-12-31 11:25:47 AM

some_beer_drinker: did he shoot himself in the head first, cause then i would really be impressed


Extra awesome "suicide" points if he managed to shoot himself in the back of the head before padlocking himself into the gym bag first too.

No cover up here citizen, nothing to see here.
 
2012-12-31 11:26:43 AM
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-12-31 11:27:02 AM

JonnyG: The sad thing is that a majority will take this story as truth.


Yes, because the assasins trying to kill him thought

1st Killer - "Hey, instead of making a mess, lets just put the body into a bag so it's an easy cleanup for the landlord"
2nd Killer - "But what if he's becomes a zombie?"
1st Killer "Well, we'll lock the bag, duh. Think this is the first time I killed someone..."

No, professional killers would have staged it to look like a typical death so there would be less questions. They wouldn't zip lock the body.
 
2012-12-31 11:28:07 AM
I already tend not to believe any story that MI6 is willing to stand by. They are only slightly more likely to be truthful than the CIA.
 
2012-12-31 11:29:42 AM
"described as a an introverted math genius"?

Hey idiot, since "an" is phonetically pronounced with a vowel sound it should be:

"described as an an introverted math genius".
 
2012-12-31 11:30:24 AM
Ah, another member for our Village!

Supervisor, make arrangements for our newest citizen!

a2.ec-images.myspacecdn.com
 
2012-12-31 11:31:23 AM
They left out the fact that he proudly exclaimed "The Aristocrats!" before he died...
 
2012-12-31 11:31:58 AM
I was actually ok with the setup. You can squeeze the clasp on a padlock closed through fabric. But then they threw in the salacious back-story. And whenever the person who died "oddly" was discovered to have a child porn fetish or was a transvestite, or whatever flavor is out of favor that week, I have to give pause and reflect.
/do they usually slander suicides or just when it's a government employee?
 
2012-12-31 11:32:24 AM
some_beer_drinker: did he shoot himself in the head first, cause then i would really be impressed

>> i think what he did was shoot himself in the back of the head, bound his hands behind his back, hung himself, and then locked himself inside the gym bag. makes sense.
 
2012-12-31 11:33:12 AM

Dick Gozinya: Not to totally Godwin this thread, but it seems more true every day that Hitler was right when he said: "The bigger the lie, the more people will believe it."


That was Goebbles. He did work for Hitler, though, so close enough.
 
2012-12-31 11:33:27 AM
cache.boston.com

Ah, the old "Dirty Einstein". I saw a midget try this once in a Hong Kong opium den in 1956. Poor bastard lost a thumb trying to get the zipper on the gym bag shut."
 
2012-12-31 11:34:16 AM
Maybe he's a topographer.

/Klein bottle gym bag?
 
2012-12-31 11:36:03 AM
I convinced a Korean kid to get into my dufflebag once. True story and CS, bro.
 
2012-12-31 11:38:50 AM
"described as a an introverted math genius"?

What the hell, subby?
 
2012-12-31 11:41:11 AM

Amos Quito: [24.media.tumblr.com image 850x708]


Boy, I hope Bilbo has an extra long one of these:
www.azpartsmaster.com
 
2012-12-31 11:41:29 AM
He was just giving the Schrodinger's Cat theory a really good tryout.
 
2012-12-31 11:42:43 AM
Suicide. Yeah. That's the ticket. >_>'
 
2012-12-31 11:44:00 AM
whatever gets you off...
 
2012-12-31 11:44:10 AM

Suede head: He was just giving the Schrodinger's Cat theory a really good tryout.


Ah good point. He wasn't dead until someone opened the bag. So whoever opened the bag is the murderer

Can't be suicide.
 
2012-12-31 11:44:32 AM
www.coastal.com

R.I.P. A AN INTROVERTED MATH GENIUS MI6 AGENT
 
2012-12-31 11:52:04 AM
i.imgur.com

Mr. Furious: Seems there was a little controversy there regarding your father's death.
The Bowler: Yes, the police said he fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.
The Blue Raja: You know, I've always suspected a bit of foul play there.
The Bowler: As have I.
 
2012-12-31 11:53:35 AM
I'm just curious about the specialists who could not even lock themselves in a bag. Just what was their specialty.
 
2012-12-31 11:54:07 AM
This thread is probably as good as any to ask this:

Am I the only one that is hoping for a Judi Dench sex tape scandal before she dies?
 
2012-12-31 11:55:46 AM
More likely, they were getting his body ready for disposal, loaded him into the gym bag to carry him out... and then discovered that they could not carry him in the gym bag, so they just left him.

Ever see that episode of Mythbusters where they set up body-disposal olympics? No, they used a human analogue fake-body, and they hauled it around a track of common movie myth body disposal scenarios (shoved in a closet, up and down a flight of stairs, through a window, into the trunk of an undersized car, etc.)

Before doing the action with a fake body, they did it with a roll of chain that weighed exactly as much as the mannequin, and it was more difficult because all the weight was in one lump... just like a gym bag.
 
2012-12-31 12:00:47 PM

Sweaty Dynamite: Hmmm. Sounds like our local suicide with hands bound and floating in a lake.


fark me that's um wow I would move out of town before you commit "suicide"
 
2012-12-31 12:03:47 PM

Captain Steroid: Suicide. Yeah. That's the ticket. >_>'


Is anyone claiming it was deliberate suicide? I thought the story was that he got off on locking himself in tight spaces, until the one time when it all went wrong and he couldn't get himself out.
 
2012-12-31 12:05:13 PM
*shrug* people die in strange ways sometimes. Seems like it would be possible to manipulate a padlock through the fabric of the bag. I could see him getting himself in there, not being able to get out and quickly suffocating in the confined space. He wouldn't be the first person to accidentally kill themselves during an act of self-bondage, see David Carradine: Link
 
2012-12-31 12:05:53 PM
Well, the government made all the appropriate efforts to drive him off the deep end. The old saying applies: just because you are paranoid doesn't mean that "they" aren't out to get you.
 
2012-12-31 12:08:36 PM

pjc51: Captain Steroid: Suicide. Yeah. That's the ticket. >_>'

Is anyone claiming it was deliberate suicide? I thought the story was that he got off on locking himself in tight spaces, until the one time when it all went wrong and he couldn't get himself out.


I think they're saying its an illegitimate suicide. As opposed to a legitimate one where the body is able to just kind of shut it all down...or something like that.
 
2012-12-31 12:10:28 PM
Like the Clinton Death List -

"He's shot three times in the back of the head."
"Clearly a suicide."
 
2012-12-31 12:13:50 PM
Suspicious.

They tried to replicate what he had to have done were it suicide, and the team doing it did not succeed in over 400 attempts. Then a 'retired seargent' managed it once, apparently so that's *clearly* what happened.
 
2012-12-31 12:15:30 PM
Yeah, and Alexander Litvinenko just ate some bad sushi.
 
2012-12-31 12:20:54 PM
However, after hearing from two specialists who unsuccessfully attempted to lock themselves in an identical bag, [Westminster Coroner] Wilcox said he was probably killed and it "remained a legitimate line of inquiry" that the secret services may have been involved in the death.
 
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