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(Global Grind)   And lo, the Angel of the Lord broke the Seventh Seal, and Fame Whore of Babylon did conceive the next generation of useless celebrity   (globalgrind.com) divider line 55
    More: Scary, Kim Kardashian, Babylon, Kanye West, celebrity, Kris Jenner  
•       •       •

7769 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 31 Dec 2012 at 8:37 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-12-31 10:12:05 AM  
10 votes:
Adam Kardashian West. It will be like every Roland Emmerich movie sequence but for real. The baby will be ejected from the room sized pulsating womb. The doctor's eyes will widen in terror and a nurse will faint. Cut to blood splattering around the glass walls while the agonal shrieks pierce the air. Kanye, covered in warm pina colada smelling vernix will drop to his knees and slowly begin to chew the glitter encrusted placenta. The baby will not cry or move. It will slowly rise to its feet and cut its own umbilical cord with scissors made of octupus bone and 14 karat gold. As it smiles and begins to dress itself in a five button pin strip Hermes linen suit, Kanye mumbles, 'Welcome to earf.' The white house explodes.
2012-12-31 08:41:20 AM  
7 votes:
That's great and all, Kim, and I'm'a let ya finish, but Beyonce had the greatest celebrity baby of all time!!!

/OF ALL TIME!!!!
2012-12-31 12:27:16 PM  
6 votes:

dragon927: Jesus, how fat is her ass gonna be now?


i1125.photobucket.com

/Answer: pretty big.
2012-12-31 07:51:18 AM  
6 votes:
Between New Year's Eve and the spontaneous celebrations over this news breaking out in NBA locker rooms nationwide we could be looking at Peak Cristal, people.
2012-12-31 09:22:05 AM  
5 votes:
It will turn out to be a smart, witty kid that just laughs at the circus they grew up in. They will eventually go on to win the Nobel prize in chemistry.
2012-12-31 11:40:24 AM  
4 votes:
I just don't understand all the hate.

Kim is a lovely, lovely woman who has had more than her share of relationship heartbreaks. Thanks to her loving and supportive family she has made her way through all that and found true love.

Not just true love, but true love with an incredibly talented and passionate man who also is misunderstood by the haters.

Their love story is one for the ages and we all should rejoice in the news that a child will soon be blessed upon this couple.

Now, we can only pray that her sister, the one married to the guy who used to be a basketball player, you know, the fattish one who came about after O.J. knocked up the mother, who used to be sort of hot I think, will soon conceive and the brother, who danced his way into the hearts of all Americans, will find great success with his sock business and the younger girls, presumably the products of the former Olympian's jizz will be ready to waltz to the forefront of our reality TV lives for years to come.

God bless the Kardashians.
2012-12-31 10:40:36 AM  
4 votes:

AeAe: Wouldn't it be funny if the baby had Down's?


Wouldn't be funny... the kid would still be the smart one.
2012-12-31 08:16:49 AM  
4 votes:
Dumbest baby ever.

Also, may be the antichrist.
2012-12-31 02:41:41 PM  
3 votes:
In a few months the Bajorans will learn the name of their children's oppressor.
2012-12-31 11:36:55 AM  
3 votes:
For those with kids, I am sure you remember that first moment. All your friends, relatives, etc have left. It's just the two of you and a brand new human. I picture these two idiots peering over the crib, heads cocked to the side, gently poking the baby with a stick...
2012-12-31 10:19:17 AM  
3 votes:

H31N0US: If you stop paying attention, they will go away.


To stop those monsters, one-two-three,
Here's a fresh new way that's trouble-free,
It's got Paul Anka's guarantee!
(Guarantee void in Tennessee)
Just don't look! Just don't look!
2012-12-31 09:10:31 AM  
3 votes:
jaypgreene.files.wordpress.com
2012-12-31 08:58:24 AM  
3 votes:
Oh man, I wish the Mayans had been right....
2012-12-31 08:54:36 AM  
3 votes:
stop the music and make noise for my ba

Yo Kanye, I'm really happy for ya an I'ma let you finish, but Kate Middleton is the best baby mamma of all time!
2012-12-31 08:52:59 AM  
3 votes:
media.tumblr.com
2012-12-31 08:39:45 AM  
3 votes:

gambitsgirl: LlamaGirl: Dumbest baby ever.

Also, may be the antichrist.

I haven't memorized Revalations but I remember something about a whore bearing the AntiChrist so I'm leaning towards agreeing


What will be even funnier is when Kim tweets the photo of "Q*Bert's rockin' birthmark" and all her fans run to the tattoo shop to get that "666" inked on their own melons.
2012-12-31 07:47:18 AM  
3 votes:
She got one of your kids, got you for 18 years.

/oblig
2013-01-01 12:22:09 AM  
2 votes:

dragon927: Jesus, how fat is her ass gonna be now?


encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com

"We're going to need a bigger butt".
2012-12-31 04:45:18 PM  
2 votes:
This child will either have or be the biggest ass in America.
2012-12-31 12:54:32 PM  
2 votes:
Kanye was over heard saying," When I find out which NBA team did this, ima gon kick day azz"
2012-12-31 11:50:21 AM  
2 votes:
And the seas boiled and the skies fell.
2012-12-31 11:38:34 AM  
2 votes:

eagles95: I guess with Kanye's head or her ass, whichever way that kid comes out he's going to tear the shiat out of her


The kid should slide right out, like a bowling ball down a hallway.
2012-12-31 10:52:06 AM  
2 votes:
"You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought"
2012-12-31 09:02:15 AM  
2 votes:

divgradcurl: /i weep for that child's future


"Her marriage lasted 72 days, her cat lasted two weeks, this baby is farked."

/credit Jenny Johnson.
2012-12-31 08:58:03 AM  
2 votes:
Yo, baby. I'm really happy for ya, but that other titty has the best milk of all time. ALL TIME!
2012-12-31 08:57:55 AM  
2 votes:
Vegas should take bets on how long it takes for her baby bump diameter to surpass the diameter of dat ass. i've got week 34.
2012-12-31 08:35:04 AM  
2 votes:

LlamaGirl: Dumbest baby ever.

Also, may be the antichrist.


I haven't memorized Revalations but I remember something about a whore bearing the AntiChrist so I'm leaning towards agreeing
2012-12-31 06:05:16 PM  
1 votes:

Evil Mackerel: Brick-House: [usecicsevilla.files.wordpress.com image 641x478]

SG-9 SG-10?


FTFY

Give it around 9 months when she dilates.

www.gateworld.net
2012-12-31 01:16:11 PM  
1 votes:
The mayans were right!!!!
2012-12-31 12:40:34 PM  
1 votes:

Cletus C.: I just don't understand all the hate.

Kim is a lovely, lovely woman who has had more than her share of relationship heartbreaks. Thanks to her loving and supportive family she has made her way through all that and found true love.

Not just true love, but true love with an incredibly talented and passionate man who also is misunderstood by the haters.

Their love story is one for the ages and we all should rejoice in the news that a child will soon be blessed upon this couple.

Now, we can only pray that her sister, the one married to the guy who used to be a basketball player, you know, the fattish one who came about after O.J. knocked up the mother, who used to be sort of hot I think, will soon conceive and the brother, who danced his way into the hearts of all Americans, will find great success with his sock business and the younger girls, presumably the products of the former Olympian's jizz will be ready to waltz to the forefront of our reality TV lives for years to come.

God bless the Kardashians.


I love you so much right now.
2012-12-31 12:30:25 PM  
1 votes:
Will someone please take a tab of RU-486 and a blowgun and do the right thing? Fark. At least can we throw Logan into a volcano to make room for little shiate?
2012-12-31 12:17:40 PM  
1 votes:
TMZ is reporting that the kid was conceived near the Vatican
2012-12-31 12:10:04 PM  
1 votes:
You know what I'm pissed about? That the news this morning used the farking term "Kimye" to describe the couple.

farking. Stop. That. shiat!
2012-12-31 12:05:45 PM  
1 votes:

PsyLord: LlamaGirl: Dumbest baby ever.

Also, may be the antichrist.

I thought these two were suppose to spawn the antichrist?

[assets.nydailynews.com image 317x248]


Who are they?
2012-12-31 11:58:10 AM  
1 votes:
I just hope that their spawn does not find the Book of the Kosst Amojan.

/should not be obscure
2012-12-31 11:50:00 AM  
1 votes:

LlamaGirl: Dumbest baby ever.

Also, may be the antichrist.


I thought these two were suppose to spawn the antichrist?

assets.nydailynews.com
2012-12-31 11:30:34 AM  
1 votes:
I hear they're gonna name it "Lookit Me."
2012-12-31 11:17:00 AM  
1 votes:
Congratulations to the hired help that will raise the baby, you'll be a great mom!
2012-12-31 11:01:23 AM  
1 votes:

The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves: Have they figured out who the father is?


have they figured WHAT the mother is?
2012-12-31 10:56:45 AM  
1 votes:
Have they figured out who the father is?
2012-12-31 10:36:15 AM  
1 votes:

SirDigbyChickenCaesar: My name's Mike Rowe, and this is my job. I explore the country looking for people who aren't afraid to get dirty - hard-working men and women who earn an honest living doing the kinds of jobs that make civilized life possible for the rest of us. Now, get ready to get dirty. This week? Kim Kardashian's OB/Gyn


I've met him... Dr. Ray J does some fine work... at leat according to his video documentation.
2012-12-31 10:32:58 AM  
1 votes:
My name's Mike Rowe, and this is my job. I explore the country looking for people who aren't afraid to get dirty - hard-working men and women who earn an honest living doing the kinds of jobs that make civilized life possible for the rest of us. Now, get ready to get dirty. This week? Kim Kardashian's OB/Gyn
2012-12-31 10:32:55 AM  
1 votes:
Now we just need Jennifer Aniston and whatever guy she is with, to officially announce she's pregnant.
2012-12-31 10:27:57 AM  
1 votes:
I made a joke in another redded thread about the kid having a great sense of balance due to the genetics of a huge ass and a GIANT head from pops...but the moment has passed.

/fish sticks
2012-12-31 10:26:16 AM  
1 votes:
I'm generally of the belief that everyone in life should aim for better than just "normal" as a goal.

However for this kid I think that'll end up being the gold standard.

...maybe he or she will join a punk band and make something of themselves.
2012-12-31 10:17:34 AM  
1 votes:
If I didn't have 99 problems, I might have bought them a gift.
2012-12-31 10:16:56 AM  
1 votes:
I didn't realise you could get pregnant from teh buttsecks.
2012-12-31 09:47:25 AM  
1 votes:
i'm thinking dat ass is going to expand exponentially
2012-12-31 09:43:25 AM  
1 votes:
Yesterday Jessica Simpson tweeted her new baby bump (god I hate that phrase) and I thought, "Great. Another two year pregnancy from Simpson." But then I wake up to find two of America's biggest attention whores are having a baby? Get ready for Kim's new series focusing on her pregnancy, the birthing special, then a series following this kid as it grows up. Now I'm wondering why the Kardashians don't have their own magazine?

I may want to kill myself.
2012-12-31 09:23:07 AM  
1 votes:
I won't pass judgment until I see a Perez Hilton picture of Kim Kardashian with photoshop jizz smeared all over her face.
2012-12-31 09:17:01 AM  
1 votes:

braedan: Oh man, I wish the Mayans had been right....


They may have been, just off by 9 months or so...
2012-12-31 09:16:14 AM  
1 votes:
"If you ant no punk holla we want prenup
WE WANT PRENUP! Yeah
It's something that you need to have
'Cause when she leave yo ass she gone leave with half
18 years, 18 years
And on her 18th birthday he found out it wasn't his"
2012-12-31 09:05:46 AM  
1 votes:
i'm ok with this if only because they will likely set an unbreakable new standard for obnoxious celebrity baby name - to the point where it'll probably destroy the phenomenon completely.
2012-12-31 09:02:53 AM  
1 votes:

IlGreven: stop the music and make noise for my ba

Yo Kanye subby, I'm really happy for ya an I'ma let you finish, but Kate Middleton Lindsay Lohan is the best baby mamma fame whore of all time!

2012-12-31 09:01:10 AM  
1 votes:
Just think of the family discussions based around how much money they can make with the baby?
 
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