FARK.com: (7510296) If you're not careful this New Year's Eve, YOU'LL PUT YOUR EYE OUT

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		If you're not careful this New Year's Eve, YOU'LL PUT YOUR EYE OUT (upi.com)		37
		More: PSA, New Year's Eve, American Academy of Ophthalmology, eye doctor

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4915 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Dec 2012 at 9:36 PM | Favorite | share:

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37 Comments (+0 »)

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St_Francis_P		2012-12-30 07:18:22 PM

The cork can be dangerous. As the only straight guy at a champagne brunch, I almost nailed the only straight woman there with a flying cork. Much was made about the war of the sexes.

fusillade762		2012-12-30 08:26:19 PM

Don't shake the bottle. Shaking increases the speed at which the cork leaves the bottle.

This nugget of wisdom brought to you by

media.giantbomb.com

gopher321		2012-12-30 08:48:59 PM

I fired one off a few years back that launched so hard, it hit my birdcage 25' away and nearly killed my budgie.

99.998er		2012-12-30 09:41:39 PM

Maybe there will be an update of "things stuck in our rectum in 2012".

Boojum2k		2012-12-30 09:41:47 PM

gopher321: I fired one off a few years back that launched so hard, it hit my birdcage 25' away and nearly killed my budgie.

Imagine the damage you'd have done with a champagne bottle cork.

wildcardjack		2012-12-30 09:42:19 PM

If you open it right there's no spillage. That's alcohol abuse.

thorthor		2012-12-30 09:42:55 PM

Hi, my name is Monica l. Monica. No, I don't stutter, why?

assjuice		2012-12-30 09:44:22 PM

Same advice holds for my cock, biatches

destrip		2012-12-30 09:46:28 PM

damage to the eye's bone structure.

TIL the eye has a bone structure! What's the eye bone connected to, the ear bone or the nose bone?

destrip		2012-12-30 09:48:41 PM

wildcardjack: If you open it right there's no spillage. That's alcohol abuse.

Try to tell that to Major Leaguers that win a pennant or World Series. They commit alcohol genocide.

Boojum2k		2012-12-30 09:48:58 PM

destrip: damage to the eye's bone structure.

TIL the eye has a bone structure! What's the eye bone connected to, the ear bone or the nose bone?

Yours may be on stalks, but most of us have eye sockets made of bone.

destrip		2012-12-30 09:50:16 PM

Boojum2k: destrip: damage to the eye's bone structure.

TIL the eye has a bone structure! What's the eye bone connected to, the ear bone or the nose bone?

Yours may be on stalks, but most of us have eye sockets made of bone.

Duh. I was talking about the eye itself.

tetsoushima		2012-12-30 09:52:07 PM

I poked my wife in the eye one time on New Years. Does that count? Can you shoot somebody's boob out?

jaytkay		2012-12-30 09:54:03 PM

I worked in a restaurant where we nicknamed a waiter Corky. Because he nailed two diners in the face with champagne corks.

Good times.

Tophersky		2012-12-30 09:56:49 PM

SAN FRANCISCO, Dec. 30 (UPI) -- The pressure inside a champagne bottle can launch a cork at 50 miles per hour as it leaves the bottle, fast enough to shatter glass, U.S. eye experts say.

Yea, but what do the glass experts and champagne cork experts say?

cyberspacedout		2012-12-30 10:05:55 PM

We need more information - is the 50mph figure at room temperature, or when chilled? Inside a sealed bottle, the air pressure at 45 degrees is lower than it would be at room temperature. That'll change the launch speed of the cork.

geoduck42		2012-12-30 10:06:27 PM

Film trivia for the day: while shooting the movie version of A Prairie Home Companion, Kevin Kline tried to kill director Robert Altman via this method.

laid back w/bud light		2012-12-30 10:11:18 PM

My daughter and nephew have a contest every x-mas who shoots the cork further into my parents yard, both are 11yrs old. happily no one got killed again this year. Freinds don't let retards open champagne bottles. Maybe we should do 3 day waiting lists on them after all.
/sorry feeling sarcastic

jaytkay		2012-12-30 10:20:02 PM

tetsoushima: I poked my wife..

Who hasn't?

lh5.googleusercontent.com

Make Way For Ducklings		2012-12-30 10:20:24 PM

I'll take my chances.

deanayer		2012-12-30 10:41:54 PM

to keep it safe I always use a sword to open the bottle, just run it up the side fast, catch the cork and follow through on the swing till the blade naturally stops in your brother-in-law's neck. Mission accomplished.

KrispyKritter		2012-12-30 11:01:27 PM

gopher321: I fired one off a few years back that launched so hard, it hit my birdcage 25' away and nearly killed my budgie.

in my late teens early twenties i was in several loops, primarily for my blessed ability to hit objects 8' - 10' away. you my friend are a God!

SN1987a goes boom		2012-12-30 11:09:50 PM

/oblig

Fark Rye For Many Whores		2012-12-30 11:18:38 PM

Local_User		2012-12-30 11:26:39 PM

CHAMPAGNE ACCEPT-Ouch...

JohnAnnArbor		2012-12-30 11:29:37 PM

Champagne corks indoors. Bullets outdoors (well, in the Detroit area at least).

CygnusDarius		2012-12-30 11:38:38 PM

I was hoping for huge tracts of land in this thread.

borg		2012-12-30 11:51:00 PM

This is why you should buy American sparkling wine and not that French champagne crap. American sparkling wine would never put an eye out.

bingethinker		2012-12-30 11:59:57 PM

If it's New Year's Eve, you're in more danger of putting your liver out.

Jabberwookiee		2012-12-31 12:42:20 AM

Fark Rye For Many Whores: [www.freakingnews.com image 850x608]

Hold my beer and watch this...no wait...I have a better idea...

Salmon		2012-12-31 01:34:45 AM

This is why I only get screw top

jso2897		2012-12-31 07:33:15 AM

cyberspacedout: We need more information - is the 50mph figure at room temperature, or when chilled? Inside a sealed bottle, the air pressure at 45 degrees is lower than it would be at room temperature. That'll change the launch speed of the cork.

Are we talking about African Cork, or European Cork?

altmulder		2012-12-31 08:24:42 AM

Been there ...done that!

The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves		2012-12-31 10:41:12 AM

That's what she said!

phildonnia		2012-12-31 10:55:01 AM

Story is useless without statistics.

cyberspacedout		2012-12-31 08:45:52 PM

jso2897: cyberspacedout: We need more information - is the 50mph figure at room temperature, or when chilled? Inside a sealed bottle, the air pressure at 45 degrees is lower than it would be at room temperature. That'll change the launch speed of the cork.

Are we talking about African Cork, or European Cork?

If it's real Champagne, it must be European. That should be enough information to calculate the air-speed velocity of an unladen cork.