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(WorldNetDaily)   The problem with today's baby names isn't that they're being saddled with unfortunate things like Bella, Brayden, Jayden, Katniss, and Grayden, it's that they're not biblical names   (wnd.com) divider line 271
    More: Fail, baby names, Bibles  
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8730 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Dec 2012 at 4:19 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



271 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-12-30 06:32:55 AM  

GoldSpider: Gulper Eel: Fark should establish a name consultancy for misguided moms-to-be who think stripper names like Destinee will work just fine for their daughters. Seriously. We at Fark know the pornosity of every female name down to the sixth decimal point. Enid? Dowdy, but you may proceed. Claire? Very nice. Alexis? Erm...try again. Sapphira? OVER THE LINE. Check with us before you get that birth certificate filled out and you'll save yourself a world of trouble down the road.

Rule #1: If her name is a place, she'll end up on the pole.


The test is simple.

First, say the name in this context: "Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, _____"
Then, say the name in this context: "Gentlemennnnnn! Start your boners, because right now on the maiiiin staaaaage it's ________."
 
2012-12-30 06:33:08 AM  
Joe Kovacs is an award-winning journalist...

I doubt anyone would award him the time of day.
 
2012-12-30 06:34:09 AM  

Gulper Eel: robohobo: So, when did black people start giving their children such ridiculous names? Really, I'm curious. When did the random apostrophe/name out of thin air thing start happening?

At about the same time white folks started in with the alternate spellings of Caitlin for their daughters.

Somewhere in the suburbs there's a Katelynne bringing home an An'twa'an to meet her parents...who had better not biatch one damn bit about how tough it is to spell that guy's name.

Fark should establish a name consultancy for misguided moms-to-be who think stripper names like Destinee will work just fine for their daughters. Seriously. We at Fark know the pornosity of every female name down to the sixth decimal point. Enid? Dowdy, but you may proceed. Claire? Very nice. Alexis? Erm...try again. Sapphira? OVER THE LINE. Check with us before you get that birth certificate filled out and you'll save yourself a world of trouble down the road.


I'd be thrilled to serve on the Stripper Name Committee.
 
2012-12-30 06:35:45 AM  

Hawnkee: robohobo: I lived in Georgia for a short period a little over 10 years ago, and I still remember a black girl working the counter at a Taco Bell whose name was Kimchee. I mentioned how it was a Korean food and she refused to believe me. I lol'd.

Please tell me you tried to pay with a two dollar bill.


I did not. This one's a true story.
 
2012-12-30 06:37:44 AM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: GoldSpider: Gulper Eel: Fark should establish a name consultancy for misguided moms-to-be who think stripper names like Destinee will work just fine for their daughters. Seriously. We at Fark know the pornosity of every female name down to the sixth decimal point. Enid? Dowdy, but you may proceed. Claire? Very nice. Alexis? Erm...try again. Sapphira? OVER THE LINE. Check with us before you get that birth certificate filled out and you'll save yourself a world of trouble down the road.

Rule #1: If her name is a place, she'll end up on the pole.

The test is simple.

First, say the name in this context: "Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, _____"
Then, say the name in this context: "Gentlemennnnnn! Start your boners, because right now on the maiiiin staaaaage it's ________."


Yeah, because a woman is going to be named Chief Justice of the Supreme Court in any of our lifetimes. Unless John Roberts unexpectedly dies, he's going to resign under a GOP president (probably when I'm in my 50's). And unless Hell freezes over, that president will pick a WASP male to replace him.
 
2012-12-30 06:41:59 AM  

robohobo: Hawnkee: robohobo: I lived in Georgia for a short period a little over 10 years ago, and I still remember a black girl working the counter at a Taco Bell whose name was Kimchee. I mentioned how it was a Korean food and she refused to believe me. I lol'd.

Please tell me you tried to pay with a two dollar bill.

I did not. This one's a true story.


Ah well, at least got a good chortle out of the story.
 
2012-12-30 06:47:40 AM  

Millennium: Start the counter-trend: name your kid Zebulun or Hagar.


Nimrod.
 
2012-12-30 06:57:37 AM  

GoldSpider: Rule #1: If her name is a place, she'll end up on the pole.


Unless that place is in the Rust Belt or other depressed part of the country.

Nobody uses Albany, Woonsocket, or Fresno as stripper names.
 
2012-12-30 07:01:24 AM  
Award winning journalist???
 
2012-12-30 07:06:26 AM  
The trend I hate lately are what I call "job" names.

Fisher
Hunter
Walker
Rider
Parker
etc.

It's like the parents are expecting what the kid is going to be doing all his/her life.
 
2012-12-30 07:12:50 AM  
Where in the Bible does it say you're limited to using only names in it?

That part must have been ripped out of my copy because I'be never found it.
 
2012-12-30 07:16:21 AM  
To be really fair, nobody on the playground would fark with a kid named Ezekiel. Give said child a Samuel L. Jackson plushie to keep them company in their crib.

I'm not biblicly named, but there's a couple kings of Prussia so that's cool.
 
2012-12-30 07:19:14 AM  
I am in a youth group as an adult leader

one of my young men is named Keaton

he is now going by Tyler at school because so many girls at his school are named Keaton
 
2012-12-30 07:42:44 AM  
In 2012, there were eight girls' names based on biblical characters in the top 100: Chloe, Abigail, Hannah, Sarah, Anna, Elizabeth, Leah, and Julia. It's nine if one includes Maria, the Spanish name for Mary.

Quite right of WND to question the inclusion of Maria. Indeed, is it truly Biblical if it isn't from the original English?
 
2012-12-30 07:47:57 AM  
Weird. I was at a family function last night where there were small children named Moses and Samuel.
Difficulty: Not Jewish.
 
2012-12-30 07:48:21 AM  
It looks like there are all kinds of great underutilized proper names in the Bible. People just need to do a little research. Just browsing the 'A's:

Abaddon, the destroyer,[11] See APOLLYON (a destroyer),[12] The angel of the bottomless pit (Revelation 9:11)[13]
Abagtha, father of the wine-press,[14] A Persian chamberlain,[15] God-given; one of the seven eunuchs in the Persian court of Ahasuerus in charge of the wine.[16]
Aceldama, field of blood[132][133]
Achaia, grief; trouble[136][137]
Achan, or Achar, he that troubles, troubler,[140] valley of trouble[141]
Achbor, a rat; bruising[144][145]
Achmetha, brother of death[150][151]
Achor, trouble[152][153]
Achshaph, poison; tricks[156][157]
Achzib, liar; lying; one that runs[158][159]
Adamah, red earth; of blood[171][172]
Addin, adorned; delicious; voluptuous[181][182]
Admatha, a cloud of death; a mortal vapor[195][196]
Adna, pleasure; delight[197][198]
Adoni-bezek, (or Adonibezek) the lightning of the Lord; the Lord of lightning[201][202]
Adramyttium, the court of death[217][218]
Adummim, earthy; red; bloody things[223][224]
Agrippa, one who causes great pain at his birth,[237] king[238] hero-like[239]
Ahian, brother of wine[264][265]
Ahikam, a brother who raises up or avenges[272][273]
Ahimoth, brother of death[282][283]
Ahithophel, brother of ruin or folly[300][301]
Aiah, vulture, raven; an isle; alas, where is it?[326][327]
Akrabbim, scorpions[338][339]
Alammelech, God is king[340][341]
Amalek, a people that licks up[367][368]
Aminadab, my people is liberal[387][388]
Amorite, bitter; a rebel; a babbler[413][414]
Apollonia, perdition, destruction[493][494]
Apollonius (disambiguation), destroying[495][496]
Apollos, one who destroys; destroyer[497][498]
Apollyon, a destroyer,[499][500][501] Angel of the bottomless pit[502]
Arad, a wild ass; a dragon[517][518]
Asenath, peril; misfortune[588][589]
Ashima, crime; offense[600][601]
Ashkenaz, a fire that spreads[602][603]
Atad, a thorn[635][636]
Avim, wicked or perverse men[663][664]
Avith, wicked, perverse[665][666]
Azazel, the scape-goat[675][676]
Azmaveth, strong death; a he-goat[683][684]
 
2012-12-30 07:51:11 AM  
I think it would be maddening if my name were Michael, David, John, etc. Hell, those 3 names alone probably cover about 40%+ of the names of the male population.


Brayden, Aiden, Jayden, etc.: these are all the same stupid farking name and sounds like someone is trying way too hard to be fancy, but coming off as unoriginal.
 
2012-12-30 07:53:38 AM  

basemetal: Sorry, girls cant go dancing on the pole with names like Esther or Martha.

/no one tips those girls


Thank goodness the uniforms don't require name tags...keep tippin!
 
2012-12-30 08:04:49 AM  
I'd like to see Throckmorton come back, personally.
 
2012-12-30 08:10:46 AM  
In 2043, we'll all be named "Jesus".
 
2012-12-30 08:12:59 AM  
Least we won't all be called Mohammed or Maria
 
2012-12-30 08:16:00 AM  
Once biblical names are the norm, these mass shootings will stop.
 
2012-12-30 08:29:42 AM  
Why not names right out of Middle-Earth? Lord of the Rings is a bigger piece of fiction than the Bible, and Thorin Okenshield is a much cooler name than David.
 
2012-12-30 08:30:01 AM  
WND outraged that there aren't enough kids called Judas or Barabbas.
 
2012-12-30 08:30:25 AM  
Is Navaeh considered biblical?

My daughter got a long middle name so she would know when she was really in trouble.
 
2012-12-30 08:33:30 AM  
In 2009, the top baby names were Jacob and Isabella, two Biblically-based names. Christians decried that, too, because most people naming their babies that were doing it because of the heathen anti-god stories of Stephenie Meyer.
 
2012-12-30 08:40:56 AM  
Oh look, another butt hurt religious person saying there's a problem with how people do their own thing and instead of all them following three exact same way

/still would not name my kid apple
//or Moon unit
 
2012-12-30 08:47:27 AM  

Elzar: Another BS war on christianity - oh noes folks aren't using biblical names anymore...

/ My son is named after a heathen god
// fark Christians


Jesus?
 
2012-12-30 08:49:29 AM  

Enitria: Rather than use pretend names from a book of stories we decided to honor some real people. Our moms are Tina and Mary, so we put them together and got Martina. Lovely name.


Much better than Tinary.
 
2012-12-30 08:53:12 AM  
I've also noticed that boys are hardly ever named Adolph anymore. That used to be quite a popular name back in the 1920's.
 
2012-12-30 08:55:27 AM  
I cannot believe this has not yet been posted

Bob
www.subgenius.com

That is all.
 
2012-12-30 08:57:03 AM  
Biblical names always remind me of Children of the Corn.
 
2012-12-30 08:57:09 AM  
please oh please fark, please skew that silly poll at the end. this could use some more votes:


"The Bible is filled with hate and violence -- who wants to use a book like that to pick a name for a child? (2%, 2 Votes)"
 
2012-12-30 08:58:53 AM  

drongozone: Cain


And if its a girl, name her Rydia.
 
2012-12-30 08:58:56 AM  

fzumrk: Amalek, a people that licks up



Wut?
 
2012-12-30 08:59:58 AM  

hlehmann: I've also noticed that boys are hardly ever named Adolph anymore. That used to be quite a popular name back in the 1920's.


"Heinrich" and "Leni" have also fallen out of favor, especially since the '40s. I can't imagine why.
 
2012-12-30 09:00:25 AM  

clipperbox: please oh please fark, please skew that silly poll at the end. this could use some more votes:


"The Bible is filled with hate and violence -- who wants to use a book like that to pick a name for a child? (2%, 2 Votes)"


and done
 
2012-12-30 09:00:50 AM  

drjekel_mrhyde: robohobo: So, when did black people start giving their children such ridiculous names? Really, I'm curious. When did the random apostrophe/name out of thin air thing start happening?

I think it's the younger American black females that come up with that shiat. My name is Adrian my daughter's mother name is Joanna, so it was made sense to name our daughter Arianna. Now I do have one dipshiat cousin name her kids TaShawn and Za-kia
/My daughter's mother is from St. Thomas BTW
//Back in the days ever black woman had either Anne or Mae for their middle name if they came from the south


It was after the black power movement. All the crazy concatnated names came to be then. If anyone has Netflix, Freakonomics talks about this very thing. It's pretty interesting and comical.

Interesting note...they found people with those crazy names looked for jobs on average 15 days longer than "normal" sounding names. Due to call backs and what not. They also discovered over 200 versions of the name "unique".
 
2012-12-30 09:04:45 AM  

Millennium: Start the counter-trend: name your kid Zebulun or Hagar. ROTH

 
2012-12-30 09:05:31 AM  
See Julia Roberts: Phinneus and Mabel.

My name, translated, is "savage". I dig that.
 
2012-12-30 09:05:31 AM  
If I ever have kids, I'm naming them Lemonjello and Oranjello.
 
2012-12-30 09:06:58 AM  
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool.
 
2012-12-30 09:16:01 AM  
whatever happened to those awesome "open the bible randomly and name the kid that" names. You don't see too many "Fly-fornications" and "For-Esau-was-a-hairy-man"s these days.
 
2012-12-30 09:17:40 AM  

clipperbox: please oh please fark, please skew that silly poll at the end. this could use some more votes:

"The Bible is filled with hate and violence -- who wants to use a book like that to pick a name for a child? (2%, 2 Votes)"


Did my part.
 
2012-12-30 09:24:23 AM  
 
2012-12-30 09:25:08 AM  

justinsmith354: drjekel_mrhyde: robohobo: So, when did black people start giving their children such ridiculous names? Really, I'm curious. When did the random apostrophe/name out of thin air thing start happening?

I think it's the younger American black females that come up with that shiat. My name is Adrian my daughter's mother name is Joanna, so it was made sense to name our daughter Arianna. Now I do have one dipshiat cousin name her kids TaShawn and Za-kia
/My daughter's mother is from St. Thomas BTW
//Back in the days ever black woman had either Anne or Mae for their middle name if they came from the south

It was after the black power movement. All the crazy concatnated names came to be then. If anyone has Netflix, Freakonomics talks about this very thing. It's pretty interesting and comical.

Interesting note...they found people with those crazy names looked for jobs on average 15 days longer than "normal" sounding names. Due to call backs and what not. They also discovered over 200 versions of the name "unique".


I've been sorting through resumes for the last couple of weeks and it is a good thing I am not racist because it would be so easy to set people apart based on their names. I do wonder how much that goes on, though.
 
2012-12-30 09:27:13 AM  
What's funny, if I had a girl I was thinking of Lillith or Morrigan...
 
2012-12-30 09:28:29 AM  
media-cache0.pinterest.com
/hot
 
2012-12-30 09:31:57 AM  
I have an Old Testament name, but It wasn't inspired directly from the Bible. Pros are that everyone can pronounce it, it's uncommon but not so much that it's weird, and this particular OT character was pretty badass. Con is, everyone assumes I'm Jewish.
 
2012-12-30 09:32:51 AM  
Girl where I work is named Shiathead. It's pronounced Shateed, but it ain't spelled that way
 
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