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(Salon)   "Vibrators ruined my sex life." Definitely nothing to buzz about   (salon.com) divider line 61
    More: Silly, Hitachi  
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24946 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Dec 2012 at 1:14 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-12-30 01:37:25 AM  
9 votes:

PrivateCaboose: I've spent long stretches at my boyfriend's place and never felt the need to leave a vibrator there. I honestly don't see why she needs one JUST FOR HIS HOUSE.


It's like leaving a toothbrush.  Only for her clit.
2012-12-30 01:14:19 AM  
9 votes:
Couple of jerk-offs...
2012-12-30 01:26:09 AM  
6 votes:
I bought one for my imaginary wife...
I think she's doing it wrong because it chips her teeth.
2012-12-30 02:05:18 AM  
5 votes:
Which explains why the best sex ever was with a 4'11" woman.
I'm 6'3".
2012-12-30 01:33:16 AM  
5 votes:
I invited myself to send a sex toy to my boyfriends apartment.

And then I told him about it.

He didn't like it, and immediately I put him in with troglodytes and cave men and people that hate sex and women.

And that's really a problem how he hates women and sex and I don't know what he's thinking but I know it's wrong (Betty Dodson told me so.)

Maybe he feels threatened, but if so that's not legitimate how he feels threatened, my needs come first. By the way, my name is RACHEL KRAMER BUSSEL and my boyfriend doesn't masturbate when we're apart. Isn't that cute? I sure do!

Nobody can tell someone else the "right" way to have sex - or to masturbate and so I told him over a course of many hours how wrong he was to hate women and hate sex and feel threatened.

Eventually, he agreed with me, and he told me he trusted me.

Puppies and Hearts!
2012-12-30 12:37:34 AM  
5 votes:

HotWingAgenda: "It's not that I think you're going to leave me for your Hitachi," he told me, "but there's a caveman part of me that thinks, I should be able to satisfy you. You shouldn't need a magic stick."

This article was entirely unnecessary if she already had the answer.  He was probably fine with her having a whole Santa's workshop at her place, but buying one just to store at his place is an insult.  How would a girl feel about a guy having a blowup doll delivered to her apartment?


As long as I dont have to clean it for him.
2012-12-30 12:18:12 PM  
4 votes:
I'm using my Hitachi right now so I'm reahshafa gwtrwwjjdg erplieshdf
2012-12-30 01:51:55 AM  
4 votes:
Didn't read.

Currently only break out rabbit schlong when she feels like getting some DP action. I love it because usually that means I'm goin back door.
The sex is the best out of the 30 or so women I've had. I'm 32. It's uncanny and we can time it to finish at the same time, pretty much every time. We end up like two dogs stuck together. I'll pull out and she's writhing around, shaking...the whole bit. I can't even touch her or else I'll get smacked. Too sensitive at that point. It's awesome. I'm single and well, my first borns mom and I don't feel like dating or doing anyone else. Eff that noise.

NOW.

I was dating a girl that had "a little dolphin friend." Maybe some of you ladies know what I'm talking about. Now, I could never make her finish just by penetration like I could with the aforementioned girl. She always had to break out her little dolphin friend. Personally, I loved it. I get a lot of excitement out of making sure a girl finishes. I have very good self control and can stop just short of the edge all night if I really wanted. It was a lot of fun being inside and watching her concentrate and making her little dolphin friend do the right thing. Never once was I insulted by this. It also provided a little stimulation for me down there too so I had to pull out occasionally as it would put me over the edge. Eventually, I knew she was about to drop off the edge and I'd go full on, timing it just right.

If this guy wasn't such a god damn insecure little pussy he could be timing it to finish each time, in the pooper. And THAT, my friends, is what makes a good sex life. Err, not anal, but finishing at the same time.

At the same time. I can't stress this enough. Do you wanna know my idiotic theory about why it works so well with the shiattiest girlfriend I ever had but also the best sex ever and also my kids Mom? Our height difference is 6" exactly. This is my exact penis length. There, that's it. Also my schlong is a little skinny so I'm not bragging at all.

Find your schlong length, get a girl exactly that many inches shorter than you. Report back to me on this theory. I know there are some Studman69's out there willing to put out an ad for exact height requirements in women.

Wow, I REALLY didn't read the article.

Thanks for listening and how YOU doin?
2012-12-30 10:09:28 AM  
3 votes:

Brick-House: and picts or it didn't happen please.

figuringoutlife.webs.com
2012-12-30 10:08:45 AM  
3 votes:

AustinFakir: The author is on the verge of firing her boyfriend, but she doesn't realize it, and he does.


i234.photobucket.com
2012-12-30 02:48:58 AM  
3 votes:

Amusement: Best vibrator ever made

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 640x480]


I asked my GF and she said that she would never let an Asian woman drive a motorcycle across her vagina.

So we will never know the answer to that statement, will we?
2012-12-30 02:25:42 AM  
3 votes:
Also, a good sex toy can also be used for home defense as a weapon:
newbreview.com

And since no one has done it...
www.nobodygoeshere.com
2012-12-30 02:11:08 AM  
3 votes:

PrivateCaboose: Huh. Bf's height difference and penis length is the same. Coincidence? Maybe.


Or pretty average.  Try to draw a diagram of why it would make any difference in the least.  Unless your particular quirk is both of you doing headstands while the penis is exactly halfway inserted, it doesn't make any sense. If anything, it's contrary to logic.
2012-12-30 02:10:30 AM  
3 votes:
And if you don't like using batteries, here's a hand crank model...

img16.imageshack.us
2012-12-30 02:05:24 AM  
3 votes:
Best vibrator ever made

2.bp.blogspot.com
2012-12-30 01:45:12 AM  
3 votes:
imageshack.us

Obligatory.
2012-12-30 01:39:26 AM  
3 votes:

NFA: God, when I read that drivel it make me want to gouge my eyes out.  WHO FARKING CARES IF YOU OWN A VIBRATOR!!!  Get over yourself already.  I'm guessing it's not your vibrator that's ruining her relationship...


But she's a sex writer. She said so again and again. And she owns an arsenal of plastic Big Jim Slades.

/ boyfriend was probably hoping she bought herself a ball-gag
2012-12-30 01:44:23 PM  
2 votes:
www.boozecrewsports.com
2012-12-30 12:35:43 PM  
2 votes:
This really needs to be said here:

imgs.xkcd.com
2012-12-30 10:14:50 AM  
2 votes:
My gf was less than thrilled when I bought a fleshlight to keep at her house. Her dad wasn't amused either on Thanksgiving when the power went out.
2012-12-30 07:22:03 AM  
2 votes:

kvinesknows: Vibrators helped me to get my wife to the place in our relationship where she will be getting a MFM and I a FMF New years eve in the same room at the same time and its also our first chance at both being bare back... and you god damn rights I will be using her vibrators on th oher women and then later on her as she farks me with all that cum pouring out of her


i94.photobucket.com
2012-12-30 03:32:44 AM  
2 votes:
harry.enzoverder.be

Go Pinky! Go Stinky! Go Jamal!
2012-12-30 03:13:39 AM  
2 votes:
t2.gstatic.com
2012-12-30 02:53:49 AM  
2 votes:

Mock26: tbhouston: Sounds like he has a tiny penis..no women ive been with has needed a robot to make her come

Sounds like you are the one with the tiny penis.


I'm puzzled why you think having a tiny penis is some sort of insult.

/has a tiny penis
//was able to convince a lot of otherwise reluctant women to try anal
2012-12-30 02:45:35 AM  
2 votes:

White_Scarf_Syndrome: Didn't read.

Currently only break out rabbit schlong when she feels like getting some DP action. I love it because usually that means I'm goin back door.
The sex is the best out of the 30 or so women I've had. I'm 32. It's uncanny and we can time it to finish at the same time, pretty much every time. We end up like two dogs stuck together. I'll pull out and she's writhing around, shaking...the whole bit. I can't even touch her or else I'll get smacked. Too sensitive at that point. It's awesome. I'm single and well, my first borns mom and I don't feel like dating or doing anyone else. Eff that noise.

NOW.

I was dating a girl that had "a little dolphin friend." Maybe some of you ladies know what I'm talking about. Now, I could never make her finish just by penetration like I could with the aforementioned girl. She always had to break out her little dolphin friend. Personally, I loved it. I get a lot of excitement out of making sure a girl finishes. I have very good self control and can stop just short of the edge all night if I really wanted. It was a lot of fun being inside and watching her concentrate and making her little dolphin friend do the right thing. Never once was I insulted by this. It also provided a little stimulation for me down there too so I had to pull out occasionally as it would put me over the edge. Eventually, I knew she was about to drop off the edge and I'd go full on, timing it just right.

If this guy wasn't such a god damn insecure little pussy he could be timing it to finish each time, in the pooper. And THAT, my friends, is what makes a good sex life. Err, not anal, but finishing at the same time.

At the same time. I can't stress this enough. Do you wanna know my idiotic theory about why it works so well with the shiattiest girlfriend I ever had but also the best sex ever and also my kids Mom? Our height difference is 6" exactly. This is my exact penis length. There, that's it. Also my schlong is a little skinny so I'm not bragging at all.

Find your schlong length, get a girl exactly that many inches shorter than you. Report back to me on this theory. I know there are some Studman69's out there willing to put out an ad for exact height requirements in women.

Wow, I REALLY didn't read the article.

Thanks for listening and how YOU doin?


Is it weird that I read this in David Lee Roth's voice?
2012-12-30 02:35:21 AM  
2 votes:
Vibrators are not a replacement for men. Vibrators are for when you've been going at it long enough and you got a video game to get back to and she's still conscious.
2012-12-30 02:32:04 AM  
2 votes:

God-is-a-Taco: "Womyn learns that men aren't raping robotic cavemen"


I suppose a comma would make that more legible. Oh well.
2012-12-30 02:08:44 AM  
2 votes:
"Some of the best lovers I've had came to the bedroom with their own arsenal...? So she dates a lot of gay men.
2012-12-30 02:05:30 AM  
2 votes:

tbhouston: Sounds like he has a tiny penis..no women ive been with has needed a robot to make her come


This post brought to you by the year 1950.
2012-12-30 01:50:00 AM  
2 votes:
Aye... there's the rub...
2012-12-30 01:40:31 AM  
2 votes:
How did she get that thing up her butt?
2012-12-30 03:13:36 PM  
1 votes:
In the future, we can expect to see such articles as "My husband thinks I am replacing him with a handsome sex droid because which is silly because I give my husband love and affection and the sex droid is just there to assist us during every sexual encounter".
2012-12-30 01:28:14 PM  
1 votes:
d.yimg.com

That you, Mojo?
2012-12-30 12:42:09 PM  
1 votes:

LibertyHiller: StrikitRich: Just wait until the boyfriend finds her Symbian in the hall closet.

That would have been in her purse a few years ago, but she's likely using an iPhone these days.

I think you meant "her Sybian." (NSFW, like this whole damn thread...)


HOLY SMOKES!! Don't look at that Venus 2000 video or you'll get 'A Boy and His Dog' flashbacks.
2012-12-30 12:05:22 PM  
1 votes:

StrikitRich: Just wait until the boyfriend finds her Symbian in the hall closet.


That would have been in her purse a few years ago, but she's likely using an iPhone these days.

I think you meant "her Sybian." (NSFW, like this whole damn thread...)
2012-12-30 11:24:49 AM  
1 votes:
mojoimage.com
2012-12-30 09:27:38 AM  
1 votes:

BSABSVR: It's like leaving a toothbrush. Only for her clit.


Her clit has teeth? The article doesn't suggest otherwise.
2012-12-30 09:10:38 AM  
1 votes:
I think we're being ribbed for her pleasure.
2012-12-30 08:25:31 AM  
1 votes:
I once knew a guy that experienced pure terror when a girl he was dating left a toothbrush at his apartment.

I think the hang-up might not be about the vibrator as a vibrator, but as a planted flag.
2012-12-30 08:15:26 AM  
1 votes:
Remember, a woman can own more vibrators than the best pron shop in town sells and shes not a whore, but if I guy owns a pocket pussy he is like a serial rapist level perv amIdoingitrite?
2012-12-30 05:15:03 AM  
1 votes:
img826.imageshack.us Hello, Kitty.
2012-12-30 05:07:02 AM  
1 votes:

libranoelrose: Right direction


Done Right.
img547.imageshack.us
2012-12-30 03:34:56 AM  
1 votes:
i.imgur.com
2012-12-30 03:34:43 AM  
1 votes:
(sees headline and source)

"Oh, Christ, ten bucks says this is Rachel Kramer Bussel."

(opens link)

"KNEW IT!!!"

/met her a couple times due to stuff I do in the real world
//she's a farking lunatic
///emphasis on lunatic
2012-12-30 03:30:19 AM  
1 votes:
cs305604.userapi.com

Allo love
2012-12-30 02:49:59 AM  
1 votes:

tbhouston: Sounds like he has a tiny penis..no women ive been with has needed a robot to make her come


She says when he holds it to pee with three fingers, he gets two wet.
2012-12-30 02:42:49 AM  
1 votes:
a4.ec-images.myspacecdn.com

and battery operated devices it would appear...
2012-12-30 02:39:29 AM  
1 votes:

red5ish: And some people think Taylor Swift writing songs about their boyfriends is farked up.


Don't ruin this moment for me, please.
2012-12-30 02:37:33 AM  
1 votes:

quickdraw: See heres the thing. Most women can have way more than one orgasm so you may as well get that first one out of the way asap. The rest just kind of come tumbling out once you get that first one to cut loose.

So buzz her silly and then enjoy the ride.


dl.dropbox.com
2012-12-30 02:29:59 AM  
1 votes:

Spartan_Manhandler: [imageshack.us image 640x412]

Obligatory.


see that and raise you:
1.bp.blogspot.com
2012-12-30 02:29:03 AM  
1 votes:
"Womyn learns that men aren't raping robotic cavemen"
2012-12-30 02:13:34 AM  
1 votes:
actually it sounds to me like her boyfriend just had a limit for how much she relied on her vibrators, and she crossed it. i'm sure most women out there are okay with their boyfriend watching porn, but if the boyfriend started watching porn during dinner and didn't even want to have sex anymore, then that would be too much. the chick in this article has a bunch of vibrators at her place, which the boyfriend is fine with, but now wants to store some at his apartment, and he said "no, that's too much." i see nothing wrong with this.
2012-12-30 02:13:16 AM  
1 votes:
She's vibrator-dependent,
Don't want me in it,
Says I don't make the right noise...

(Yes, Ms. Bussel of Salon.com, I have a "Mojo Nixon" on Line 1. He says he's calling from 1989 and wants royalties.)

/No honey, you can't plug my toes into the wall.
//And I ain't gonna hum no more either.
2012-12-30 02:08:56 AM  
1 votes:
Maybe she was just using it wrong...

cs305911.userapi.com
2012-12-30 02:05:32 AM  
1 votes:

Gunther: White_Scarf_Syndrome: Didn't read.

Anyone else get in the habit of putting anyone who makes long comments without reading the article on ignore?

I mean, I figure if they're arrogant enough that they feel they just HAVE to share their wisdom with all of us, yet can't be bothered reading the article the other comments, there's pretty much a 100% chance you're dealing with an uninformed incurious douchebag who's never gonna say anything of interest anyway.


I don't put anyone on my ignore list really - I just ignore them manually.
2012-12-30 02:03:55 AM  
1 votes:

White_Scarf_Syndrome: Didn't read.

Currently only break out rabbit schlong when she feels like getting some DP action. I love it because usually that means I'm goin back door.
The sex is the best out of the 30 or so women I've had. I'm 32. It's uncanny and we can time it to finish at the same time, pretty much every time. We end up like two dogs stuck together. I'll pull out and she's writhing around, shaking...the whole bit. I can't even touch her or else I'll get smacked. Too sensitive at that point. It's awesome. I'm single and well, my first borns mom and I don't feel like dating or doing anyone else. Eff that noise.

NOW.

I was dating a girl that had "a little dolphin friend." Maybe some of you ladies know what I'm talking about. Now, I could never make her finish just by penetration like I could with the aforementioned girl. She always had to break out her little dolphin friend. Personally, I loved it. I get a lot of excitement out of making sure a girl finishes. I have very good self control and can stop just short of the edge all night if I really wanted. It was a lot of fun being inside and watching her concentrate and making her little dolphin friend do the right thing. Never once was I insulted by this. It also provided a little stimulation for me down there too so I had to pull out occasionally as it would put me over the edge. Eventually, I knew she was about to drop off the edge and I'd go full on, timing it just right.

If this guy wasn't such a god damn insecure little pussy he could be timing it to finish each time, in the pooper. And THAT, my friends, is what makes a good sex life. Err, not anal, but finishing at the same time.

At the same time. I can't stress this enough. Do you wanna know my idiotic theory about why it works so well with the shiattiest girlfriend I ever had but also the best sex ever and also my kids Mom? Our height difference is 6" exactly. This is my exact penis length. There, that's it. Also my schlong is a little ski ...


global3.memecdn.com
2012-12-30 01:40:17 AM  
1 votes:
Put it in his butt...

He'll... come around.

/Get it?!?!
2012-12-30 01:40:10 AM  
1 votes:
Vibrators are awesome, but they will never replace the stimulation/satisfaction most of us receive from some real good face-to-face sex. Think of them not as enemies, but pawns to be exploited on your way to sexual conquest. Incorporate it tactfully into the foreplay, and you can often increase your end gains substantially.

Also guys, you can receive intense pleasure from a vibrator, without fearing homosexual stigma. You can stimulate your prostate very easily without playing with your butt, merely applying vibration to the skin between your testicles and anus. It wouldnt be any gayer than sitting on the dryer and masturbating. To put it bluntly, apply vibration to your taint when you whack it next time, and youll have one of the best orgasms youve ever experienced. You have all kinds of pleasurable nerve endings down there that aren't stimulated through normal intercourse.

/Cue scene from Road Trip where the guy about to get probed says "Did I say 2 fingers? I meant 3"
2012-12-30 01:29:30 AM  
1 votes:
I don't see the problem of this woman having a vibrator at her BFs place. But if I knew the guy and that he had issues about this sort of thing then the mocking would be epic in length and intensity.
2012-12-30 01:22:55 AM  
1 votes:
We have a hitachi.

She still wants to fark.

I guess that's the end of the story.
2012-12-30 12:40:32 AM  
1 votes:
See heres the thing. Most women can have way more than one orgasm so you may as well get that first one out of the way asap. The rest just kind of come tumbling out once you get that first one to cut loose.

So buzz her silly and then enjoy the ride.
 
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