If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Salon)   "Vibrators ruined my sex life." Definitely nothing to buzz about   (salon.com) divider line 223
    More: Silly, Hitachi  
•       •       •

24946 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Dec 2012 at 1:14 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



223 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-12-30 08:25:31 AM  
I once knew a guy that experienced pure terror when a girl he was dating left a toothbrush at his apartment.

I think the hang-up might not be about the vibrator as a vibrator, but as a planted flag.
 
2012-12-30 08:52:43 AM  

HotWingAgenda: "It's not that I think you're going to leave me for your Hitachi," he told me, "but there's a caveman part of me that thinks, I should be able to satisfy you. You shouldn't need a magic stick."

This article was entirely unnecessary if she already had the answer.  He was probably fine with her having a whole Santa's workshop at her place, but buying one just to store at his place is an insult.  How would a girl feel about a guy having a blowup doll delivered to her apartment?


It's the "Cadillac", remember? So replace blow-up with Real Doll for the equivalency.

If a woman exists that would be happy slicking up that particular uncanny valley, I've yet to meet or hear of her.

Although "Lars and the Real Girl" was a surprisingly sensitive movie on the topic.
 
2012-12-30 09:10:38 AM  
I think we're being ribbed for her pleasure.
 
2012-12-30 09:18:22 AM  

White_Scarf_Syndrome: Didn't read.

Currently only break out rabbit schlong when she feels like getting some DP action. I love it because usually that means I'm goin back door.
The sex is the best out of the 30 or so women I've had. I'm 32. It's uncanny and we can time it to finish at the same time, pretty much every time. We end up like two dogs stuck together. I'll pull out and she's writhing around, shaking...the whole bit. I can't even touch her or else I'll get smacked. Too sensitive at that point. It's awesome. I'm single and well, my first borns mom and I don't feel like dating or doing anyone else. Eff that noise.

NOW.

I was dating a girl that had "a little dolphin friend." Maybe some of you ladies know what I'm talking about. Now, I could never make her finish just by penetration like I could with the aforementioned girl. She always had to break out her little dolphin friend. Personally, I loved it. I get a lot of excitement out of making sure a girl finishes. I have very good self control and can stop just short of the edge all night if I really wanted. It was a lot of fun being inside and watching her concentrate and making her little dolphin friend do the right thing. Never once was I insulted by this. It also provided a little stimulation for me down there too so I had to pull out occasionally as it would put me over the edge. Eventually, I knew she was about to drop off the edge and I'd go full on, timing it just right.

If this guy wasn't such a god damn insecure little pussy he could be timing it to finish each time, in the pooper. And THAT, my friends, is what makes a good sex life. Err, not anal, but finishing at the same time.

At the same time. I can't stress this enough. Do you wanna know my idiotic theory about why it works so well with the shiattiest girlfriend I ever had but also the best sex ever and also my kids Mom? Our height difference is 6" exactly. This is my exact penis length. There, that's it. Also my schlong is a little ski ...


It's going to be hard to find a woman who's only 4' 6"...
 
2012-12-30 09:27:38 AM  

BSABSVR: It's like leaving a toothbrush. Only for her clit.


Her clit has teeth? The article doesn't suggest otherwise.
 
2012-12-30 09:34:24 AM  
I. R. Rottweiler:

At the same time. I can't stress this enough. Do you wanna know my idiotic theory about why it works so well with the shiattiest girlfriend I ever had but also the best sex ever and also my kids Mom? Our height difference is 6" exactly. This is my exact penis length. There, that's it. Also my s ...


I like girls to have more legs than a girl that much shorter than me would have.
 
2012-12-30 09:45:38 AM  
""It's just a vibrator," I told him. "Of course I need and want you.""

The mortgage for that house I want in Westchester ain't gonna pay itself.


I wouldn't have a problem with her jacking it (jilling it?), but I would be annoyed if she talked about it all the time. I'd be tempted to react to her coming over by tossing the spam javelin in front of the computer, and only then interacting with her.


/"Creating sexual tension" means something else....
 
2012-12-30 09:50:58 AM  

Hermione_Granger: AustinFakir 2012-12-30 01:30:51 AM

Stupid objections are usually based on something deeper.kbotc: HotWingAgenda: "It's not that I think you're going to leave me for your Hitachi," he told me, "but there's a caveman part of me that thinks, I should be able to satisfy you. You shouldn't need a magic stick."

This article was entirely unnecessary if she already had the answer. He was probably fine with her having a whole Santa's workshop at her place, but buying one just to store at his place is an insult. How would a girl feel about a guy having a blowup doll delivered to her apartment?

Yea... Why not just get a Wee-Vibe or something? I'm going to think she's quite selfish in bed and that's become the point of contention, not the vibe habit.

Spot on. Stupid-sounding objections from otherwise reasonable people are usually based on keen observations that they don't know how to articulate. This guy is feeling superfluous in bed, and he's probably right. Speaking as a very experienced employee who has been laid off more than once, when you know your employer can do just fine without you, you'd better be looking for another job, because you could be laid off at any moment. There won't be any more warning signs than that single one, which is knowing that you aren't needed.

This is so wrong and, especially from a woman's point of view, at least mine anyway, makes absolutely no sense.

A woman in a relationship is not an employer, even though men are always on the lookout for any way a woman might be trying to be the "boss". It also seems to me that a lot of the foundation for relationship problems these days stem from men not evolving from being needed to simply being wanted.

Women's survival and fulfillment is no longer dependent on finding one individual man to offer them protection. Women can take care of themselves: Financially, emotionally, physically and yes, that includes sexually. A lot men find this daunting and intimidating because it puts her on an equal ...


So, I take it your boyfriend ran off with another gal?
 
2012-12-30 09:51:33 AM  
It's a Salon article about a Brooklyn woman....stopped reading after I got that far.
 
2012-12-30 09:56:50 AM  
Mouser
So, I take it your boyfriend ran off with another gal?


No, after 15 years, I asked him to move out because he couldn't understand the simple concept of "pay bills on time" and because I could get better sex elsewhere.

Feel better now?
 
2012-12-30 10:08:45 AM  

AustinFakir: The author is on the verge of firing her boyfriend, but she doesn't realize it, and he does.


i234.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-30 10:09:28 AM  

Brick-House: and picts or it didn't happen please.

figuringoutlife.webs.com
 
2012-12-30 10:14:50 AM  
My gf was less than thrilled when I bought a fleshlight to keep at her house. Her dad wasn't amused either on Thanksgiving when the power went out.
 
2012-12-30 10:27:25 AM  

david_gaithersburg: TheSwizz: She sounds ugl...damn.

.
Don't stick your dick in crazy. Link


Now I understand why the boyfriend didn't want her to bring anything to his place.
 
2012-12-30 10:28:20 AM  

CreamFilling: gadian: If she wants to have alone time with the vibe, she needs to find a partner more amiable to this desire.

If she wants alone time, she shouldn't do it at his place.  That has nothing to do with sexual needs, and everything to do with being self centered.  I can guarantee you that if he bought a PS3 for her place so he could play Madden and ignore her she would have a problem with that.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^6
 
2012-12-30 10:35:31 AM  

Marisyana: (sees headline and source)

"Oh, Christ, ten bucks says this is Rachel Kramer Bussel."

(opens link)

"KNEW IT!!!"

/met her a couple times due to stuff I do in the real world
//she's a farking lunatic
///emphasis on lunatic


go on...
 
2012-12-30 10:41:57 AM  

kvinesknows: Vibrators helped me to get my wife to the place in our relationship where she will be getting a MFM and I a FMF New years eve in the same room at the same time and its also our first chance at both being bare back... and you god damn rights I will be using her vibrators on th oher women and then later on her as she farks me with all that cum pouring out of her


I hope your playmates are more experienced than you sound because sharing sex toys is a very unsanitary practice, no matter if everyone is DDF. Our parties are always bring-your-own or we have packaged toys as party favours.
It's not just STDs to consider. Please play responsibly.
 
2012-12-30 10:43:14 AM  

Marisyana: (sees headline and source)

"Oh, Christ, ten bucks says this is Rachel Kramer Bussel."

(opens link)

"KNEW IT!!!"

/met her a couple times due to stuff I do in the real world
//she's a farking lunatic
///emphasis on lunatic


Crazy jumps from that article's pages, adding an interesting perspective to all the abuse heaped on the boyfriend here. Between the lines it reads like he's having second thoughts about the costs/benefits of a relationship with a freak.
 
2012-12-30 10:50:18 AM  
First time my soon-to-be wife drove out to my place, she brought one of her vibrators. I did the classic, "That's not a vibrator (pulling out my Hitachi Magic Wand), THIS is a vibrator!"

/Why would a guy own a Hitachi? Repeat 'business'.
 
2012-12-30 11:02:10 AM  

epoc_tnac: We have a hitachi.
She still wants to fark.
I guess that's the end of the story.


This!.  I've bought toys with my girlfriend to use when we're together or when we're not.  It hasn't ruined our sex life either.
 
2012-12-30 11:02:38 AM  

Abox: My gf was less than thrilled when I bought a fleshlight to keep at her house. Her dad wasn't amused either on Thanksgiving when the power went out.


Yeah, right. Suuuuuure he wasn't amused.
 
2012-12-30 11:16:01 AM  

ExperianScaresCthulhu: CreamFilling: gadian: If she wants to have alone time with the vibe, she needs to find a partner more amiable to this desire.

If she wants alone time, she shouldn't do it at his place.  That has nothing to do with sexual needs, and everything to do with being self centered.  I can guarantee you that if he bought a PS3 for her place so he could play Madden and ignore her she would have a problem with that.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^6


and y'all know she doesn't own a PS3 or play video games, how?
 
2012-12-30 11:17:23 AM  
Doesn't the hyper stimulation of a magic wand de-sensitize the affected area progressively over time and make it increasingly difficult to release? "A well traveled path might be a more deeply rutted one"
 
2012-12-30 11:24:49 AM  
mojoimage.com
 
2012-12-30 11:37:43 AM  
Just wait until the boyfriend finds her Symbian in the hall closet.
 
2012-12-30 11:37:48 AM  

gaslight: [mojoimage.com image 609x312]


Endorphin release staves it off?
 
2012-12-30 11:51:15 AM  

Gunther: Anyone else get in the habit of putting anyone who makes long comments without reading the article on ignore?


No, because what that person had to say ended up being somewhat related to TFA.
 
2012-12-30 11:52:33 AM  
Ultimate vibrator
images01.olx.com
 
2012-12-30 11:54:47 AM  

CreamFilling: I think his point was that this is a space for discussing the article, and for you to come in, report that you didn't read the article, then post a monologue because it's something you like talking about is out of line.  He's right, frankly.  It happens all the time and it's rarely a big deal, but don't be surprised if some people don't like it. therefore we're going to make it all about you because this is Fark and I need some attention.  Waaah waaaah!

 
2012-12-30 11:54:51 AM  

canwolfshadow: gaslight: [mojoimage.com image 609x312]

Endorphin release staves it off?


Maybe. Or maybe she just uses every opportunity she can think of as an excuse to masturbate.
 
2012-12-30 11:57:39 AM  

david_gaithersburg: TheSwizz: She sounds ugl...damn.

.
Don't stick your dick in crazy. Link


Wow, you don't need a minor in Linguistic Psychology to realize that she's narcissistic and starts every other sentence with "I" this and "I" that. I don't know what went on with the boyfriend, but it sounds suffocating if one were to be with her.
 
2012-12-30 12:00:26 PM  

StrikitRich: Just wait until the boyfriend finds her Symbian in the hall closet.


That guy is somewhat damaged if he is freaked out by an old mobile phone..

/Knew what you meant but couldn't resist.

// Its Sybian.
 
2012-12-30 12:03:45 PM  

MemphisSlacker: StrikitRich: Just wait until the boyfriend finds her Symbian in the hall closet.

That guy is somewhat damaged if he is freaked out by an old mobile phone..

/Knew what you meant but couldn't resist.

// Its Sybian.


Mobile phones have a vibrate mode, too!! :-)
 
2012-12-30 12:03:50 PM  
confused_Jackie_Chan.jpg
 
2012-12-30 12:05:22 PM  

StrikitRich: Just wait until the boyfriend finds her Symbian in the hall closet.


That would have been in her purse a few years ago, but she's likely using an iPhone these days.

I think you meant "her Sybian." (NSFW, like this whole damn thread...)
 
2012-12-30 12:07:22 PM  

gaslight: [mojoimage.com image 609x312]


What confuses you about a person masturbating in times of stress?

Or is it that you don't believe panic attacks are real or something?
 
2012-12-30 12:09:51 PM  
Well, that was a nice advertisement for Hitachi.

I must say that envy women and their pulsating, throbbing, ecstatic orgasms that often last 10, 15 minutes or more.
 
2012-12-30 12:10:12 PM  
I'm an old bastard, but one thing I learned is that the woman's ability in bed can be correlated to the number of toys she keeps in the dresser. My theory is that sex can't be good unless both partners understand the needs and capabilities of their own bodies. Toys are a great way to find out.

If the boyfriend in question has a problem with her leaving a toy, then the boyfriend still has a few things to learn.

On the other hand, if the author doesn't realize that holding her boyfriend up to ridicule in front of tens of thousands of people is a bad idea, well, I guess she has something to learn as well.
 
2012-12-30 12:15:51 PM  

Limeyluv: kvinesknows: Vibrators helped me to get my wife to the place in our relationship where she will be getting a MFM and I a FMF New years eve in the same room at the same time and its also our first chance at both being bare back... and you god damn rights I will be using her vibrators on th oher women and then later on her as she farks me with all that cum pouring out of her

I hope your playmates are more experienced than you sound because sharing sex toys is a very unsanitary practice, no matter if everyone is DDF. Our parties are always bring-your-own or we have packaged toys as party favours.
It's not just STDs to consider. Please play responsibly.



pfft.
 
2012-12-30 12:18:12 PM  
I'm using my Hitachi right now so I'm reahshafa gwtrwwjjdg erplieshdf
 
2012-12-30 12:35:43 PM  
This really needs to be said here:

imgs.xkcd.com
 
2012-12-30 12:42:09 PM  

LibertyHiller: StrikitRich: Just wait until the boyfriend finds her Symbian in the hall closet.

That would have been in her purse a few years ago, but she's likely using an iPhone these days.

I think you meant "her Sybian." (NSFW, like this whole damn thread...)


HOLY SMOKES!! Don't look at that Venus 2000 video or you'll get 'A Boy and His Dog' flashbacks.
 
2012-12-30 01:08:45 PM  
I have no problem with any gf having a vibrator. I'd only get bummed out if it was affecting our sex life with her masturbating in place of having sex with me (as opposed to in addition to) or if she became desensitized from it and didn't lay off for a while. Pretty much what I'd expect her to have a problem with if the roles were reversed. Otherwise I'm all in favor and would probably pay and take her (hypothetical since I'm single) to a less skeevy and knowledable staffed place like the Pleasure Chest in W.Hollywood (good enough for Halle Berry) to shop and buy it since I'm in LA.

What are the female farkers who have vibrators opinion on guys having sex toys like the Fleshlight or the Cobra Libre?
 
2012-12-30 01:28:14 PM  
d.yimg.com

That you, Mojo?
 
2012-12-30 01:36:35 PM  

Twilight Farkle: She's vibrator-dependent,
Don't want me in it,
Says I don't make the right noise...


Came here for the Mojo Nixon references, leaving, uh, satisfied.
 
2012-12-30 01:41:24 PM  

Mattevil: I have no problem with any gf having a vibrator. I'd only get bummed out if it was affecting our sex life with her masturbating in place of having sex with me (as opposed to in addition to) or if she became desensitized from it and didn't lay off for a while. Pretty much what I'd expect her to have a problem with if the roles were reversed. Otherwise I'm all in favor and would probably pay and take her (hypothetical since I'm single) to a less skeevy and knowledable staffed place like the Pleasure Chest in W.Hollywood (good enough for Halle Berry) to shop and buy it since I'm in LA.

What are the female farkers who have vibrators opinion on guys having sex toys like the Fleshlight or the Cobra Libre?


you've never had sex have u
 
2012-12-30 01:44:23 PM  
www.boozecrewsports.com
 
2012-12-30 02:31:29 PM  
Bought a hitachi for the wife a few years ago. Think it's gotten more of workout as a muscle massager than a hoohoo massager. Fantastic device for those deep knots in your muscles, will make you scream in pain/ecstasy when it's set to high.

Only problem with it had been a tendency to get worryingly hot after 20 minutes of use.

Also, article write seems like a drama queen and a blatant attention whore, like most "sex writers". Not sure how the headline "vibrators ruined sex life" equates with the substance of the article, which was "my boyfriend and I had a long talk after I left a vibrator at his house".
 
2012-12-30 02:47:57 PM  

Hermione_Granger: Her boyfriend was taking the step of controlling how she gets off, even in a small fashion. He needed reassurance that he wasn't being replaced, and she needed reassurance that she wasn't being controlled. That they could communicate their emotional issues, recognize them for what they truly meant, and that they both got what they wanted in the end shows their relationship is strong and working.


I'm not saying that her having toys makes him redundant. I'm saying it shouldn't make him redundant. He should provide something that the toys don't (being a human being she supposedly loves, etc.) and if he feels like he doesn't add anything, then he's probably right. He's been okay with toys up to this point in the relationship, so it isn't the toys that make him feel that way. In my experience with fizzling relationships, the person who has become disposable often realizes it before their partner does, and I think that's what this disagreement over the toy is about, even if neither of them realizes it yet.
 
2012-12-30 03:02:54 PM  
Contrived story is contrived.
 
Displayed 50 of 223 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report