Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Salon)   "Vibrators ruined my sex life." Definitely nothing to buzz about   (salon.com ) divider line
    More: Silly, Hitachi  
•       •       •

25002 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Dec 2012 at 1:14 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



223 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2012-12-30 02:09:39 AM  

Gunther: White_Scarf_Syndrome: Didn't read.

Anyone else get in the habit of putting anyone who makes long comments without reading the article on ignore?

I mean, I figure if they're arrogant enough that they feel they just HAVE to share their wisdom with all of us, yet can't be bothered reading the article the other comments, there's pretty much a 100% chance you're dealing with an uninformed incurious douchebag who's never gonna say anything of interest anyway.


You mad bro?

Didn't read it right away because I know what to expect...A fluffy stupid Salon article.

So use the ignore button, why biatch about it publicly? What have you contributed here? People like to talk about sex, me particularly. Someone got something out of my comment. Sorry you didn't.

Yeah yeah this is fark. I am sorry you didn't like my comments. No big deal though. Cheers! *clink*
 
2012-12-30 02:10:12 AM  

PrivateCaboose: Huh. Bf's height difference and penis length is the same. Coincidence? Maybe.


Well, I'm 5'9" and my girlfriend is a flat 5'. Wish I could claim that the height difference there was equivalent to schlong length, but no it isn't.

Of course our relationship is a bit "non-traditional", shall we say? In the scheme of our relationship, the measurement of my wing-wong is mostly relevant for the fancy bit of locking metal she bought to put around it.

On a related note, a guy should only feel insulted that a woman wants to leave a vibrator at his place if she won't ever let him be the one holding it inside her. I'm not saying she won't have to take over when he inevitably doesn't "hit that spot quite right" the first few times, but honestly who gives a crap so long as you're the one she's doing the dirty with?

Besides, a large number of women can't even cum without a vibrator. I've met girls who thought the female orgasm was a myth until someone (in one very lucky case, me) got out the giant hummy thinger and proved them wrong.
 
2012-12-30 02:10:30 AM  
And if you don't like using batteries, here's a hand crank model...

img16.imageshack.us
 
2012-12-30 02:11:08 AM  

PrivateCaboose: Huh. Bf's height difference and penis length is the same. Coincidence? Maybe.


Or pretty average.  Try to draw a diagram of why it would make any difference in the least.  Unless your particular quirk is both of you doing headstands while the penis is exactly halfway inserted, it doesn't make any sense. If anything, it's contrary to logic.
 
2012-12-30 02:12:50 AM  
Tenga egg or Fleshlight?
 
2012-12-30 02:13:16 AM  
She's vibrator-dependent,
Don't want me in it,
Says I don't make the right noise...

(Yes, Ms. Bussel of Salon.com, I have a "Mojo Nixon" on Line 1. He says he's calling from 1989 and wants royalties.)

/No honey, you can't plug my toes into the wall.
//And I ain't gonna hum no more either.
 
2012-12-30 02:13:34 AM  
actually it sounds to me like her boyfriend just had a limit for how much she relied on her vibrators, and she crossed it. i'm sure most women out there are okay with their boyfriend watching porn, but if the boyfriend started watching porn during dinner and didn't even want to have sex anymore, then that would be too much. the chick in this article has a bunch of vibrators at her place, which the boyfriend is fine with, but now wants to store some at his apartment, and he said "no, that's too much." i see nothing wrong with this.
 
2012-12-30 02:14:59 AM  

CreamFilling: PrivateCaboose: Huh. Bf's height difference and penis length is the same. Coincidence? Maybe.

Or pretty average.  Try to draw a diagram of why it would make any difference in the least.  Unless your particular quirk is both of you doing headstands while the penis is exactly halfway inserted, it doesn't make any sense. If anything, it's contrary to logic.


I do agree. I just thought it was a funny coincidence while staring at the little notches in the doorway a few months ago.
 
2012-12-30 02:16:47 AM  

Gunther: White_Scarf_Syndrome: Didn't read.

Anyone else get in the habit of putting anyone who makes long comments without reading the article on ignore?

I mean, I figure if they're arrogant enough that they feel they just HAVE to share their wisdom with all of us, yet can't be bothered reading the article the other comments, there's pretty much a 100% chance you're dealing with an uninformed incurious douchebag who's never gonna say anything of interest anyway.


I just assumed it was copypasta. Copypasta is like an old friend, you read it just to say hello.
 
2012-12-30 02:18:00 AM  
His name is Bob. He does the job.
Battery Operated Boyfriend.
 
2012-12-30 02:18:54 AM  
Any guy who feels threatened by toys and does not instead incorporate them into his "routine" is a loser. I learned long ago that it takes a hell of a lot longer for most woman to orgasm than it does for me, and that afterwards I really do want to go just roll over and go to sleep. When I dated a girl who was into toys I realized that "I could now last longer than she could!" I guess I am lucky that I really do get off on seeing a woman get off, so if she is into toys then I give an internal "HURRAY!" and do everything in my power to make her the happiest person in the world while having sex. Because the happier she is the happier I am. Of course, there is the added benefit that the happier she is the less likely she is to say, "No." That is a very nice fringe benefit. So, guys, if you feel threatened by toys, get over yourself. Use them. They will make her happier and that will make you happier.
 
2012-12-30 02:19:08 AM  

tbhouston: Sounds like he has a tiny penis..no women ive been with has needed a robot to make her come


i.cdn.turner.com

/ smash the robuts!
 
2012-12-30 02:20:19 AM  

White_Scarf_Syndrome: Gunther: White_Scarf_Syndrome: Didn't read.

Anyone else get in the habit of putting anyone who makes long comments without reading the article on ignore?

I mean, I figure if they're arrogant enough that they feel they just HAVE to share their wisdom with all of us, yet can't be bothered reading the article the other comments, there's pretty much a 100% chance you're dealing with an uninformed incurious douchebag who's never gonna say anything of interest anyway.

You mad bro?

Didn't read it right away because I know what to expect...A fluffy stupid Salon article.

So use the ignore button, why biatch about it publicly? What have you contributed here? People like to talk about sex, me particularly. Someone got something out of my comment. Sorry you didn't.

Yeah yeah this is fark. I am sorry you didn't like my comments. No big deal though. Cheers! *clink*


I think his point was that this is a space for discussing the article, and for you to come in, report that you didn't read the article, then post a monologue because it's something you like talking about is out of line.  He's right, frankly.  It happens all the time and it's rarely a big deal, but don't be surprised if some people don't like it.
 
2012-12-30 02:20:44 AM  
She sounds ugl...damn.
 
2012-12-30 02:21:00 AM  
I think she has a broken sarcasm meter. That, or both of them are in serious need of getting laid, possibly with someone else, permanently.
 
2012-12-30 02:23:22 AM  

Cyber_Junk: tbhouston: Sounds like he has a tiny penis..no women ive been with has needed a robot to make her come

1/10 too falsely arrogant to be real

/Hitachi is a great and wonderful device

//not a chick


I once dated a girl who owned a Hitachi. When she brought that out I knew that I needed to make a pot of coffee because the next 6 hours were going to be very exhausting. And incredibly fun!!!!!

/Not a chick, too.
//Any guy who does not own toys is an idiot in my book.
 
2012-12-30 02:25:21 AM  
I think people are being a bit harsh on the boyfriend. He is, by account of the author, an open-minded and adventurous fellow.

My thought is that this really boils down to a major difference between the way this guy and his girlfriend experience sexual pleasure. For plenty of guys the main concern, the most important part of the sexual experience, is simply how his penis is being stimulated. Many (probably most) women don't see it that way with regard to their own erogenous bits; sex is inextricably confounded with the intimacy of foreplay and the feelings they have for the person they're doing it with, and sex without those things is simply not comparable to sex with them. But for someone whose principle pleasure during sex is the stimulation of his primary erogenous zones, a toy that is more mechanically proficient at it than he can ever hope to be might seem like more of a threat in his mind than it is in reality.
 
2012-12-30 02:25:42 AM  
Also, a good sex toy can also be used for home defense as a weapon:
newbreview.com

And since no one has done it...
www.nobodygoeshere.com
 
2012-12-30 02:25:46 AM  

tbhouston: Sounds like he has a tiny penis..no women ive been with has needed a robot to make her come


Sounds like you are the one with the tiny penis.
 
2012-12-30 02:26:32 AM  

TheSwizz: She sounds ugl...damn.


.
Don't stick your dick in crazy. Link
 
2012-12-30 02:28:16 AM  

Mock26: Cyber_Junk: tbhouston: Sounds like he has a tiny penis..no women ive been with has needed a robot to make her come

1/10 too falsely arrogant to be real

/Hitachi is a great and wonderful device

//not a chick

I once dated a girl who owned a Hitachi. When she brought that out I knew that I needed to make a pot of coffee because the next 6 hours were going to be very exhausting. And incredibly fun!!!!!

/Not a chick, too.
//Any guy who does not own toys is an idiot in my book.


Depends on each and every person... My lady HATES toys. I keep trying, but it never helps as much as a glass of red wine...
 
2012-12-30 02:29:03 AM  
"Womyn learns that men aren't raping robotic cavemen"
 
2012-12-30 02:29:52 AM  
No, no, writing an article about your boyfriend's insecurities and posting it online so other men to stage a manliest-man put down contest in the comment section will totes solve your problem.
 
2012-12-30 02:29:59 AM  

Spartan_Manhandler: [imageshack.us image 640x412]

Obligatory.


see that and raise you:
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-12-30 02:31:02 AM  

CreamFilling: White_Scarf_Syndrome: Gunther: White_Scarf_Syndrome: Didn't read.

Anyone else get in the habit of putting anyone who makes long comments without reading the article on ignore?

I mean, I figure if they're arrogant enough that they feel they just HAVE to share their wisdom with all of us, yet can't be bothered reading the article the other comments, there's pretty much a 100% chance you're dealing with an uninformed incurious douchebag who's never gonna say anything of interest anyway.

You mad bro?

Didn't read it right away because I know what to expect...A fluffy stupid Salon article.

So use the ignore button, why biatch about it publicly? What have you contributed here? People like to talk about sex, me particularly. Someone got something out of my comment. Sorry you didn't.

Yeah yeah this is fark. I am sorry you didn't like my comments. No big deal though. Cheers! *clink*

I think his point was that this is a space for discussing the article, and for you to come in, report that you didn't read the article, then post a monologue because it's something you like talking about is out of line.  He's right, frankly.  It happens all the time and it's rarely a big deal, but don't be surprised if some people don't like it.


I agree. I think everyone might be guilty at some point or another. Thanks for putting it in a more polite manner. Sometimes it's hard to define "out of line" around here, but I can see how my post was annoying. To be fair, I skimmed the 1st half, and read the comments up to mine.

Back to the article. The girl seems to have downplayed the only thing the guy got pissed about. Storing it at his place. Especially that one toy.

I don't know. I can understand where he's coming from, but after being inside and finishing at the same time with a woman I probably could give two shiats at that point. Maybe the guy just needs a break from all the damned toys everywhere? The kinky stuff is fun, but sometimes passionate "regular" style is really damn good too.

Someone else mentioned about a 1 orgasm only type lady. Maybe the author is like this. I'd think that if she got off, then she'd be much easier to get goin again that night without the use of the toy. Who knows. Tons of factors here. Maybe he's only a 1 orgasm a night type guy.
 
2012-12-30 02:31:29 AM  
Link

Here's a video of her talking, So you can make your own judgement on hotness and annoyance.
 
2012-12-30 02:32:04 AM  

God-is-a-Taco: "Womyn learns that men aren't raping robotic cavemen"


I suppose a comma would make that more legible. Oh well.
 
2012-12-30 02:34:03 AM  

david_gaithersburg: TheSwizz: She sounds ugl...damn.

.
Don't stick your dick in crazy. Link


"Ever since I quit my six-liter-a-day Diet Coke habit,"

I love Diet Coke, but JESUS FARKING CHRIST.
 
2012-12-30 02:35:21 AM  
Vibrators are not a replacement for men. Vibrators are for when you've been going at it long enough and you got a video game to get back to and she's still conscious.
 
2012-12-30 02:37:33 AM  

quickdraw: See heres the thing. Most women can have way more than one orgasm so you may as well get that first one out of the way asap. The rest just kind of come tumbling out once you get that first one to cut loose.

So buzz her silly and then enjoy the ride.


dl.dropbox.com
 
2012-12-30 02:37:50 AM  
And some people think Taylor Swift writing songs about their boyfriends is farked up.
 
2012-12-30 02:39:29 AM  

red5ish: And some people think Taylor Swift writing songs about their boyfriends is farked up.


Don't ruin this moment for me, please.
 
2012-12-30 02:42:49 AM  
a4.ec-images.myspacecdn.com

and battery operated devices it would appear...
 
2012-12-30 02:45:35 AM  

White_Scarf_Syndrome: Didn't read.

Currently only break out rabbit schlong when she feels like getting some DP action. I love it because usually that means I'm goin back door.
The sex is the best out of the 30 or so women I've had. I'm 32. It's uncanny and we can time it to finish at the same time, pretty much every time. We end up like two dogs stuck together. I'll pull out and she's writhing around, shaking...the whole bit. I can't even touch her or else I'll get smacked. Too sensitive at that point. It's awesome. I'm single and well, my first borns mom and I don't feel like dating or doing anyone else. Eff that noise.

NOW.

I was dating a girl that had "a little dolphin friend." Maybe some of you ladies know what I'm talking about. Now, I could never make her finish just by penetration like I could with the aforementioned girl. She always had to break out her little dolphin friend. Personally, I loved it. I get a lot of excitement out of making sure a girl finishes. I have very good self control and can stop just short of the edge all night if I really wanted. It was a lot of fun being inside and watching her concentrate and making her little dolphin friend do the right thing. Never once was I insulted by this. It also provided a little stimulation for me down there too so I had to pull out occasionally as it would put me over the edge. Eventually, I knew she was about to drop off the edge and I'd go full on, timing it just right.

If this guy wasn't such a god damn insecure little pussy he could be timing it to finish each time, in the pooper. And THAT, my friends, is what makes a good sex life. Err, not anal, but finishing at the same time.

At the same time. I can't stress this enough. Do you wanna know my idiotic theory about why it works so well with the shiattiest girlfriend I ever had but also the best sex ever and also my kids Mom? Our height difference is 6" exactly. This is my exact penis length. There, that's it. Also my schlong is a little skinny so I'm not bragging at all.

Find your schlong length, get a girl exactly that many inches shorter than you. Report back to me on this theory. I know there are some Studman69's out there willing to put out an ad for exact height requirements in women.

Wow, I REALLY didn't read the article.

Thanks for listening and how YOU doin?


Is it weird that I read this in David Lee Roth's voice?
 
2012-12-30 02:47:29 AM  

Satanic_Hamster: Also, a good sex toy can also be used for home defense as a weapon:
[newbreview.com image 630x400]

And since no one has done it...
[www.nobodygoeshere.com image 465x364]


Ha I read that in his voice.
 
2012-12-30 02:47:30 AM  

katzrc: Thanks for listening and how YOU doin?

Is it weird that I read this in David Lee Roth's voice?


Yes.

It should be Joey's.
 
2012-12-30 02:48:32 AM  
I don't think I've ever dated a woman who had any kind of dildo or vibrator. I don't know if that's odd or not, or maybe it's just an older woman thing?
 
2012-12-30 02:48:58 AM  

Amusement: Best vibrator ever made

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 640x480]


I asked my GF and she said that she would never let an Asian woman drive a motorcycle across her vagina.

So we will never know the answer to that statement, will we?
 
2012-12-30 02:49:33 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: I don't think I've ever dated a woman who had any kind of dildo or vibrator. I don't know if that's odd or not, or maybe it's just an older woman thing?


What do you consider old?
 
2012-12-30 02:49:59 AM  

tbhouston: Sounds like he has a tiny penis..no women ive been with has needed a robot to make her come


She says when he holds it to pee with three fingers, he gets two wet.
 
2012-12-30 02:50:04 AM  
Plug in vibrators cause global warming by wasting electricity.
 
2012-12-30 02:52:46 AM  

libranoelrose: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: I don't think I've ever dated a woman who had any kind of dildo or vibrator. I don't know if that's odd or not, or maybe it's just an older woman thing?

What do you consider old?


Not "old", that was a poor choice of words. But I mean like, 30's+ I guess. I'm 31, and have so far only dated women in their teens and twenties.
 
2012-12-30 02:53:49 AM  

Mock26: tbhouston: Sounds like he has a tiny penis..no women ive been with has needed a robot to make her come

Sounds like you are the one with the tiny penis.


I'm puzzled why you think having a tiny penis is some sort of insult.

/has a tiny penis
//was able to convince a lot of otherwise reluctant women to try anal
 
2012-12-30 02:54:19 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: libranoelrose: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: I don't think I've ever dated a woman who had any kind of dildo or vibrator. I don't know if that's odd or not, or maybe it's just an older woman thing?

What do you consider old?

Not "old", that was a poor choice of words. But I mean like, 30's+ I guess. I'm 31, and have so far only dated women in their teens and twenties.


You sound ancient, dude.
 
2012-12-30 02:58:02 AM  

fusillade762: "Do you even need me to come home anymore?" he asked.

Sounds like BF has self-esteem problems and is trying to guilt trip her. Or he was just having a shiatty day and was being a dick.


he preferred to hold off on masturbating when we were apart

Is it me or is that just plain weird?


You're not wrong.
 
2012-12-30 02:58:58 AM  

quickdraw: See heres the thing. Most women can have way more than one orgasm so you may as well get that first one out of the way asap. The rest just kind of come tumbling out once you get that first one to cut loose.

So buzz her silly and then enjoy the ride.


Do you realize it's the same for men or do you just feel guilty?
 
2012-12-30 03:00:57 AM  

epoc_tnac: We have a hitachi.

She still wants to fark.

I guess that's the end of the story.


Yes. You are replaceable.
 
2012-12-30 03:03:29 AM  

White_Scarf_Syndrome: Didn't read.

Currently only break out rabbit schlong when she feels like getting some DP action. I love it because usually that means I'm goin back door.
The sex is the best out of the 30 or so women I've had. I'm 32. It's uncanny and we can time it to finish at the same time, pretty much every time. We end up like two dogs stuck together. I'll pull out and she's writhing around, shaking...the whole bit. I can't even touch her or else I'll get smacked. Too sensitive at that point. It's awesome. I'm single and well, my first borns mom and I don't feel like dating or doing anyone else. Eff that noise.

NOW.

I was dating a girl that had "a little dolphin friend." Maybe some of you ladies know what I'm talking about. Now, I could never make her finish just by penetration like I could with the aforementioned girl. She always had to break out her little dolphin friend. Personally, I loved it. I get a lot of excitement out of making sure a girl finishes. I have very good self control and can stop just short of the edge all night if I really wanted. It was a lot of fun being inside and watching her concentrate and making her little dolphin friend do the right thing. Never once was I insulted by this. It also provided a little stimulation for me down there too so I had to pull out occasionally as it would put me over the edge. Eventually, I knew she was about to drop off the edge and I'd go full on, timing it just right.

If this guy wasn't such a god damn insecure little pussy he could be timing it to finish each time, in the pooper. And THAT, my friends, is what makes a good sex life. Err, not anal, but finishing at the same time.

At the same time. I can't stress this enough. Do you wanna know my idiotic theory about why it works so well with the shiattiest girlfriend I ever had but also the best sex ever and also my kids Mom? Our height difference is 6" exactly. This is my exact penis length. There, that's it. Also my schlong is a little ski ...


Meh. You're still dealing with your less aged years. Fooling no one, you are.
 
2012-12-30 03:04:56 AM  

kbotc: Mock26: Cyber_Junk: tbhouston: Sounds like he has a tiny penis..no women ive been with has needed a robot to make her come

1/10 too falsely arrogant to be real

/Hitachi is a great and wonderful device

//not a chick

I once dated a girl who owned a Hitachi. When she brought that out I knew that I needed to make a pot of coffee because the next 6 hours were going to be very exhausting. And incredibly fun!!!!!

/Not a chick, too.
//Any guy who does not own toys is an idiot in my book.

Depends on each and every person... My lady HATES toys. I keep trying, but it never helps as much as a glass of red wine...


farking Catholics. Go figure.
 
2012-12-30 03:05:51 AM  

God-is-a-Taco: "Womyn learns that men aren't raping robotic cavemen"


All penatrative sex IS something that comes in a box weighint 40 lbs.
 
Displayed 50 of 223 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter








In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report