If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Salon)   "Vibrators ruined my sex life." Definitely nothing to buzz about   (salon.com) divider line 223
    More: Silly, Hitachi  
•       •       •

24933 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Dec 2012 at 1:14 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



223 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-12-30 12:07:09 AM
"Do you even need me to come home anymore?" he asked.

Sounds like BF has self-esteem problems and is trying to guilt trip her. Or he was just having a shiatty day and was being a dick.


he preferred to hold off on masturbating when we were apart

Is it me or is that just plain weird?
 
2012-12-30 12:28:01 AM
"It's not that I think you're going to leave me for your Hitachi," he told me, "but there's a caveman part of me that thinks, I should be able to satisfy you. You shouldn't need a magic stick."

This article was entirely unnecessary if she already had the answer.  He was probably fine with her having a whole Santa's workshop at her place, but buying one just to store at his place is an insult.  How would a girl feel about a guy having a blowup doll delivered to her apartment?
 
2012-12-30 12:35:25 AM
Masturbation can ruin a relationship if there's a reason to ruin it.
 
2012-12-30 12:37:34 AM

HotWingAgenda: "It's not that I think you're going to leave me for your Hitachi," he told me, "but there's a caveman part of me that thinks, I should be able to satisfy you. You shouldn't need a magic stick."

This article was entirely unnecessary if she already had the answer.  He was probably fine with her having a whole Santa's workshop at her place, but buying one just to store at his place is an insult.  How would a girl feel about a guy having a blowup doll delivered to her apartment?


As long as I dont have to clean it for him.
 
2012-12-30 12:40:32 AM
See heres the thing. Most women can have way more than one orgasm so you may as well get that first one out of the way asap. The rest just kind of come tumbling out once you get that first one to cut loose.

So buzz her silly and then enjoy the ride.
 
2012-12-30 01:02:57 AM

quickdraw: See heres the thing. Most women can have way more than one orgasm so you may as well get that first one out of the way asap. The rest just kind of come tumbling out once you get that first one to cut loose.

So buzz her silly and then enjoy the ride.


just as some women only want to have one - and are very particular about it.

/challenging lovers are a pain in the ass.
 
2012-12-30 01:14:19 AM
Couple of jerk-offs...
 
2012-12-30 01:18:47 AM

HotWingAgenda: "It's not that I think you're going to leave me for your Hitachi," he told me, "but there's a caveman part of me that thinks, I should be able to satisfy you. You shouldn't need a magic stick."

This article was entirely unnecessary if she already had the answer.  He was probably fine with her having a whole Santa's workshop at her place, but buying one just to store at his place is an insult.  How would a girl feel about a guy having a blowup doll delivered to her apartment?


Yea... Why not just get a Wee-Vibe or something? I'm going to think she's quite selfish in bed and that's become the point of contention, not the vibe habit.
 
2012-12-30 01:22:55 AM
We have a hitachi.

She still wants to fark.

I guess that's the end of the story.
 
NFA [TotalFark]
2012-12-30 01:25:48 AM
God, when I read that drivel it make me want to gouge my eyes out.  WHO FARKING CARES IF YOU OWN A VIBRATOR!!!  Get over yourself already.  I'm guessing it's not your vibrator that's ruining her relationship...
 
2012-12-30 01:26:09 AM
I bought one for my imaginary wife...
I think she's doing it wrong because it chips her teeth.
 
2012-12-30 01:27:09 AM

fusillade762: he preferred to hold off on masturbating when we were apart

Is it me or is that just plain weird?


It's not just you. That is weird. It sounds like this dude had issues related to masturbation long before this farked up relationship began.
 
2012-12-30 01:28:26 AM

fusillade762: Is it me or is that just plain weird?


Depending on the reason, that's pretty damn odd.
 
2012-12-30 01:29:21 AM

kbotc: HotWingAgenda: "It's not that I think you're going to leave me for your Hitachi," he told me, "but there's a caveman part of me that thinks, I should be able to satisfy you. You shouldn't need a magic stick."

This article was entirely unnecessary if she already had the answer.  He was probably fine with her having a whole Santa's workshop at her place, but buying one just to store at his place is an insult.  How would a girl feel about a guy having a blowup doll delivered to her apartment?

Yea... Why not just get a Wee-Vibe or something? I'm going to think she's quite selfish in bed and that's become the point of contention, not the vibe habit.


I've spent long stretches at my boyfriend's place and never felt the need to leave a vibrator there.  I honestly don't see why she needs one JUST FOR HIS HOUSE.
 
2012-12-30 01:29:30 AM
I don't see the problem of this woman having a vibrator at her BFs place. But if I knew the guy and that he had issues about this sort of thing then the mocking would be epic in length and intensity.
 
2012-12-30 01:30:51 AM
Stupid objections are usually based on something deeper.

kbotc: HotWingAgenda: "It's not that I think you're going to leave me for your Hitachi," he told me, "but there's a caveman part of me that thinks, I should be able to satisfy you. You shouldn't need a magic stick."

This article was entirely unnecessary if she already had the answer.  He was probably fine with her having a whole Santa's workshop at her place, but buying one just to store at his place is an insult.  How would a girl feel about a guy having a blowup doll delivered to her apartment?

Yea... Why not just get a Wee-Vibe or something? I'm going to think she's quite selfish in bed and that's become the point of contention, not the vibe habit.


Spot on. Stupid-sounding objections from otherwise reasonable people are usually based on keen observations that they don't know how to articulate. This guy is feeling superfluous in bed, and he's probably right. Speaking as a very experienced employee who has been laid off more than once, when you know your employer can do just fine without you, you'd better be looking for another job, because you could be laid off at any moment. There won't be any more warning signs than that single one, which is knowing that you aren't needed.

Also, no matter how many ways they need you, if they don't need you sexually, it's time to move on. The author is on the verge of firing her boyfriend, but she doesn't realize it, and he does.
 
2012-12-30 01:31:29 AM
It's not the vibrator, it's the boyfriend. Find someone more sexually compatible and you'll be happier. Not every dude is threatened by a magic stick. In fact, many long term couples have a toy box full of various buzzing, rotating, bubbling, and or stretchy devices.
 
2012-12-30 01:33:16 AM
I invited myself to send a sex toy to my boyfriends apartment.

And then I told him about it.

He didn't like it, and immediately I put him in with troglodytes and cave men and people that hate sex and women.

And that's really a problem how he hates women and sex and I don't know what he's thinking but I know it's wrong (Betty Dodson told me so.)

Maybe he feels threatened, but if so that's not legitimate how he feels threatened, my needs come first. By the way, my name is RACHEL KRAMER BUSSEL and my boyfriend doesn't masturbate when we're apart. Isn't that cute? I sure do!

Nobody can tell someone else the "right" way to have sex - or to masturbate and so I told him over a course of many hours how wrong he was to hate women and hate sex and feel threatened.

Eventually, he agreed with me, and he told me he trusted me.

Puppies and Hearts!
 
2012-12-30 01:33:23 AM
She don' need me -- jus' batteries!
 
2012-12-30 01:34:37 AM
Come on, ladies:

Sure a vibrator, provided that you supply it with plenty of battery power, can certainly provide you with plenty of joie de vivre. However, would you not like to have an skilled lover who could whisper sweet nothings in your ear and make you laugh while, at the same time, be sensitive to your needs?
 
2012-12-30 01:35:24 AM

darwinpolice: fusillade762: he preferred to hold off on masturbating when we were apart

Is it me or is that just plain weird?

It's not just you. That is weird. It sounds like this dude had issues related to masturbation long before this farked up relationship began.


Yep. Weird. That guy's got some issues. Probably imagines that she sits in a chair staring at a white wall any time she's alone at his place.
 
2012-12-30 01:36:42 AM

Dialectic: Come on, ladies:

Sure a vibrator, provided that you supply it with plenty of battery power, can certainly provide you with plenty of joie de vivre. However, would you not like to have an skilled lover who could whisper sweet nothings in your ear and make you laugh while, at the same time, be sensitive to your needs?


Vibrators are fun, and certainly a great way to kick some stress.  I still prefer my awesome flesh and blood guy to a buzzing stick.
 
2012-12-30 01:37:25 AM

PrivateCaboose: I've spent long stretches at my boyfriend's place and never felt the need to leave a vibrator there. I honestly don't see why she needs one JUST FOR HIS HOUSE.


It's like leaving a toothbrush.  Only for her clit.
 
2012-12-30 01:39:26 AM

NFA: God, when I read that drivel it make me want to gouge my eyes out.  WHO FARKING CARES IF YOU OWN A VIBRATOR!!!  Get over yourself already.  I'm guessing it's not your vibrator that's ruining her relationship...


But she's a sex writer. She said so again and again. And she owns an arsenal of plastic Big Jim Slades.

/ boyfriend was probably hoping she bought herself a ball-gag
 
2012-12-30 01:40:10 AM
Vibrators are awesome, but they will never replace the stimulation/satisfaction most of us receive from some real good face-to-face sex. Think of them not as enemies, but pawns to be exploited on your way to sexual conquest. Incorporate it tactfully into the foreplay, and you can often increase your end gains substantially.

Also guys, you can receive intense pleasure from a vibrator, without fearing homosexual stigma. You can stimulate your prostate very easily without playing with your butt, merely applying vibration to the skin between your testicles and anus. It wouldnt be any gayer than sitting on the dryer and masturbating. To put it bluntly, apply vibration to your taint when you whack it next time, and youll have one of the best orgasms youve ever experienced. You have all kinds of pleasurable nerve endings down there that aren't stimulated through normal intercourse.

/Cue scene from Road Trip where the guy about to get probed says "Did I say 2 fingers? I meant 3"
 
2012-12-30 01:40:17 AM
Put it in his butt...

He'll... come around.

/Get it?!?!
 
2012-12-30 01:40:31 AM
How did she get that thing up her butt?
 
2012-12-30 01:41:40 AM

AustinFakir: Stupid objections are usually based on something deeper.


Silly editing error. Anyway, I stand by my statement that the boyfriend likely knows what he's talking about. Love doesn't survive lack of sexual dependency when you're young. Maybe when you're so goddamn old you can't imagine getting used to someone else, but not when you're young and vigorous. He's right to feel threatened by the vibrator if it is capable of replacing him, because the vibrator defines a baseline, commodity, McDonald's sexual experience. A man is an expensive artisanal sexual experience. An expensive artisanal sexual experience that can't beat McDonald's is going to go out of business. By her own account, he's a smart, open-minded fellow and would have no problem if the vibrator was just a cheap replacement for when he isn't available. He wouldn't object unless he really knew he was in danger of being replaced.
 
2012-12-30 01:42:00 AM

gadian: It's not the vibrator, it's the boyfriend. Find someone more sexually compatible and you'll be happier. Not every dude is threatened by a magic stick. In fact, many long term couples have a toy box full of various buzzing, rotating, bubbling, and or stretchy devices.


It's one thing when the couple has that.  When just the woman does and she doesn't feel the need to include the boyfriend that's more of a problem than the vibrator itself.  Especially if she's buying a vibrator for her to use alone at his place, that's definitely a red flag.
 
2012-12-30 01:45:12 AM
imageshack.us

Obligatory.
 
2012-12-30 01:48:28 AM

CreamFilling: It's one thing when the couple has that. When just the woman does and she doesn't feel the need to include the boyfriend that's more of a problem than the vibrator itself. Especially if she's buying a vibrator for her to use alone at his place, that's definitely a red flag.


It's just a compatibility issue. Vibrator people need to stay with vibrator people and people who don't enjoy the...variety should stay with the people who get off in other ways. If she wants to have alone time with the vibe, she needs to find a partner more amiable to this desire. The boyfriend needs to find a woman who has different needs which don't include batteries. Maybe she could let him watch once and that could be a better start for them. Unless he's all "icky, vibrators, ewww" and then there is just no hope.
 
2012-12-30 01:50:00 AM
Aye... there's the rub...
 
2012-12-30 01:51:55 AM
Didn't read.

Currently only break out rabbit schlong when she feels like getting some DP action. I love it because usually that means I'm goin back door.
The sex is the best out of the 30 or so women I've had. I'm 32. It's uncanny and we can time it to finish at the same time, pretty much every time. We end up like two dogs stuck together. I'll pull out and she's writhing around, shaking...the whole bit. I can't even touch her or else I'll get smacked. Too sensitive at that point. It's awesome. I'm single and well, my first borns mom and I don't feel like dating or doing anyone else. Eff that noise.

NOW.

I was dating a girl that had "a little dolphin friend." Maybe some of you ladies know what I'm talking about. Now, I could never make her finish just by penetration like I could with the aforementioned girl. She always had to break out her little dolphin friend. Personally, I loved it. I get a lot of excitement out of making sure a girl finishes. I have very good self control and can stop just short of the edge all night if I really wanted. It was a lot of fun being inside and watching her concentrate and making her little dolphin friend do the right thing. Never once was I insulted by this. It also provided a little stimulation for me down there too so I had to pull out occasionally as it would put me over the edge. Eventually, I knew she was about to drop off the edge and I'd go full on, timing it just right.

If this guy wasn't such a god damn insecure little pussy he could be timing it to finish each time, in the pooper. And THAT, my friends, is what makes a good sex life. Err, not anal, but finishing at the same time.

At the same time. I can't stress this enough. Do you wanna know my idiotic theory about why it works so well with the shiattiest girlfriend I ever had but also the best sex ever and also my kids Mom? Our height difference is 6" exactly. This is my exact penis length. There, that's it. Also my schlong is a little skinny so I'm not bragging at all.

Find your schlong length, get a girl exactly that many inches shorter than you. Report back to me on this theory. I know there are some Studman69's out there willing to put out an ad for exact height requirements in women.

Wow, I REALLY didn't read the article.

Thanks for listening and how YOU doin?
 
2012-12-30 01:54:10 AM

gadian: If she wants to have alone time with the vibe, she needs to find a partner more amiable to this desire.


If she wants alone time, she shouldn't do it at his place.  That has nothing to do with sexual needs, and everything to do with being self centered.  I can guarantee you that if he bought a PS3 for her place so he could play Madden and ignore her she would have a problem with that.
 
2012-12-30 01:57:47 AM
Let him watch
Let him participate

Both big turn-ons for me.

and picts or it didn't happen please.
 
2012-12-30 01:59:35 AM

PrivateCaboose: Dialectic: Come on, ladies:

Sure a vibrator, provided that you supply it with plenty of battery power, can certainly provide you with plenty of joie de vivre. However, would you not like to have an skilled lover who could whisper sweet nothings in your ear and make you laugh while, at the same time, be sensitive to your needs?

Vibrators are fun, and certainly a great way to kick some stress.  I still prefer my awesome flesh and blood guy to a buzzing stick.


This is basically what she says. It's for show. If it's a good match then nothing beats the real thing.

I think the author needs a new real penis to bone.
 
2012-12-30 01:59:40 AM

White_Scarf_Syndrome: Didn't read.

Currently only break out rabbit schlong when she feels like getting some DP action. I love it because usually that means I'm goin back door.
The sex is the best out of the 30 or so women I've had. I'm 32. It's uncanny and we can time it to finish at the same time, pretty much every time. We end up like two dogs stuck together. I'll pull out and she's writhing around, shaking...the whole bit. I can't even touch her or else I'll get smacked. Too sensitive at that point. It's awesome. I'm single and well, my first borns mom and I don't feel like dating or doing anyone else. Eff that noise.

NOW.

I was dating a girl that had "a little dolphin friend." Maybe some of you ladies know what I'm talking about. Now, I could never make her finish just by penetration like I could with the aforementioned girl. She always had to break out her little dolphin friend. Personally, I loved it. I get a lot of excitement out of making sure a girl finishes. I have very good self control and can stop just short of the edge all night if I really wanted. It was a lot of fun being inside and watching her concentrate and making her little dolphin friend do the right thing. Never once was I insulted by this. It also provided a little stimulation for me down there too so I had to pull out occasionally as it would put me over the edge. Eventually, I knew she was about to drop off the edge and I'd go full on, timing it just right.

If this guy wasn't such a god damn insecure little pussy he could be timing it to finish each time, in the pooper. And THAT, my friends, is what makes a good sex life. Err, not anal, but finishing at the same time.

At the same time. I can't stress this enough. Do you wanna know my idiotic theory about why it works so well with the shiattiest girlfriend I ever had but also the best sex ever and also my kids Mom? Our height difference is 6" exactly. This is my exact penis length. There, that's it. Also my schlong is a little ski ...


Huh.  Bf's height difference and penis length is the same.  Coincidence?  Maybe.
 
2012-12-30 02:02:20 AM
Sounds like he has a tiny penis..no women ive been with has needed a robot to make her come
 
2012-12-30 02:03:35 AM
There's a reason these things come in various sizes and styles.
 
2012-12-30 02:03:55 AM

White_Scarf_Syndrome: Didn't read.

Currently only break out rabbit schlong when she feels like getting some DP action. I love it because usually that means I'm goin back door.
The sex is the best out of the 30 or so women I've had. I'm 32. It's uncanny and we can time it to finish at the same time, pretty much every time. We end up like two dogs stuck together. I'll pull out and she's writhing around, shaking...the whole bit. I can't even touch her or else I'll get smacked. Too sensitive at that point. It's awesome. I'm single and well, my first borns mom and I don't feel like dating or doing anyone else. Eff that noise.

NOW.

I was dating a girl that had "a little dolphin friend." Maybe some of you ladies know what I'm talking about. Now, I could never make her finish just by penetration like I could with the aforementioned girl. She always had to break out her little dolphin friend. Personally, I loved it. I get a lot of excitement out of making sure a girl finishes. I have very good self control and can stop just short of the edge all night if I really wanted. It was a lot of fun being inside and watching her concentrate and making her little dolphin friend do the right thing. Never once was I insulted by this. It also provided a little stimulation for me down there too so I had to pull out occasionally as it would put me over the edge. Eventually, I knew she was about to drop off the edge and I'd go full on, timing it just right.

If this guy wasn't such a god damn insecure little pussy he could be timing it to finish each time, in the pooper. And THAT, my friends, is what makes a good sex life. Err, not anal, but finishing at the same time.

At the same time. I can't stress this enough. Do you wanna know my idiotic theory about why it works so well with the shiattiest girlfriend I ever had but also the best sex ever and also my kids Mom? Our height difference is 6" exactly. This is my exact penis length. There, that's it. Also my schlong is a little ski ...


global3.memecdn.com
 
2012-12-30 02:04:09 AM

White_Scarf_Syndrome: Didn't read.


Anyone else get in the habit of putting anyone who makes long comments without reading the article on ignore?

I mean, I figure if they're arrogant enough that they feel they just HAVE to share their wisdom with all of us, yet can't be bothered reading the article the other comments, there's pretty much a 100% chance you're dealing with an uninformed incurious douchebag who's never gonna say anything of interest anyway.
 
2012-12-30 02:05:18 AM
Which explains why the best sex ever was with a 4'11" woman.
I'm 6'3".
 
2012-12-30 02:05:24 AM
Best vibrator ever made

2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-12-30 02:05:30 AM

tbhouston: Sounds like he has a tiny penis..no women ive been with has needed a robot to make her come


This post brought to you by the year 1950.
 
2012-12-30 02:05:32 AM

Gunther: White_Scarf_Syndrome: Didn't read.

Anyone else get in the habit of putting anyone who makes long comments without reading the article on ignore?

I mean, I figure if they're arrogant enough that they feel they just HAVE to share their wisdom with all of us, yet can't be bothered reading the article the other comments, there's pretty much a 100% chance you're dealing with an uninformed incurious douchebag who's never gonna say anything of interest anyway.


I don't put anyone on my ignore list really - I just ignore them manually.
 
2012-12-30 02:05:46 AM

quickdraw: HotWingAgenda: "It's not that I think you're going to leave me for your Hitachi," he told me, "but there's a caveman part of me that thinks, I should be able to satisfy you. You shouldn't need a magic stick."

This article was entirely unnecessary if she already had the answer.  He was probably fine with her having a whole Santa's workshop at her place, but buying one just to store at his place is an insult.  How would a girl feel about a guy having a blowup doll delivered to her apartment?

As long as I dont have to clean it for him.


How you doin?
 
2012-12-30 02:06:24 AM

tbhouston: Sounds like he has a tiny penis..no women ive been with has needed a robot to make her come


1/10 too falsely arrogant to be real

/Hitachi is a great and wonderful device

//not a chick
 
2012-12-30 02:07:56 AM
On topic: all but the most severe sex related objects are improved when your partner participates. Have him use the vibrator and if necessary lie and attribute the orgasm to him.

Problem solved.
 
2012-12-30 02:08:44 AM
"Some of the best lovers I've had came to the bedroom with their own arsenal...? So she dates a lot of gay men.
 
2012-12-30 02:08:56 AM
Maybe she was just using it wrong...

cs305911.userapi.com
 
Displayed 50 of 223 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report