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(Kotaku)   The Soviets made a Hobbit movie in 1985... and it's about what you'd expect (w/video)   (kotaku.com) divider line 69
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5818 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 29 Dec 2012 at 9:31 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-29 08:30:02 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2012-12-29 08:52:06 AM
How many horses did they kill to make this one?
 
mjg
2012-12-29 09:41:41 AM
Hobbit два
 
2012-12-29 09:44:35 AM
I recommend going to the 36 minute mark and check out russian Gollum.  Kind of puts that stupid Hollywood CGI to shame.  Also the whole thing looks like it was shot inside the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney World only with worse actors.
 
2012-12-29 09:47:20 AM
ic.pics.livejournal.com

IvAAAnushka!!!!!
 
2012-12-29 09:50:24 AM
It can't be worse than the 1970s cartoon version released in the US. What hideous animation.
 
2012-12-29 09:51:11 AM
IvAAAnushka!!!!!

Beat me to it. Was watching it and was wondering if they were going to find the Sampo.

Gollum is so bad..omg..And whats with the guy in the Tie who chimes in between scenes?!?! I was hoping he would start going " Its just a jump to the left" in Russian or something
 
2012-12-29 09:51:45 AM
Still looks better than the murky Spanish soap opera mess that is The Hobbit in 3D and 48fps.
 
2012-12-29 09:59:20 AM
Seen The Hobbit on Christmas (pre-release date in my country), got together with my D&D group to watch it.

Don't know if its required a different equipment to watch the 48fps, since I'm pretty sure I got the movie on the standard frame rate.

Overall, I thought it was awesome, but then again, I'm a mark for LOTR. Thought it was fun, had some great photography, great music, great action. The few new characters that they could spend some time to develop where good.

I liked it. Probably would catch again soon, definitively would get the blu-ray...
 
2012-12-29 09:59:56 AM
I plan on watching this later today.
 
2012-12-29 10:00:33 AM
come on, admit it. everyone in this thread would love to rent a movie camera, bring all their friends together, mock up some dumb costumes and make a fan movie just like this. it make have terrible acting and nonexistent special effects, but this movie has a lot of heart.
 
2012-12-29 10:00:44 AM
It's like they filmed a bad community theater group with 1970s Doctor Who production values, on a shoestring budget.

I bet the cast parties were fun, it's probably where most of the budget went. At this level of theater, the parties afterwards are pretty much the raison d'etre for showing up to work everyday, anyway.
 
2012-12-29 10:04:42 AM
The elves look like they are doing Tai Chi just past the 49 minute mark.
 
2012-12-29 10:09:43 AM

duckpoopy: It can't be worse than the 1970s cartoon version released in the US. What hideous animation.


It was still a great adaptation of the book, though. And it's probably still the best adaptation for children to see.
 
2012-12-29 10:12:32 AM
There's actually a surprising number of really good Soviet fantasy and sci-fi films.

...I don't think this is one of them.
 
2012-12-29 10:14:58 AM
Here's the film with excellent English translation (NSFW):

Part 1
part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
 
2012-12-29 10:20:27 AM

duckpoopy: It can't be worse than the 1970s 2012 cartoon version released in the US. What hideous animation.


FTFY.  3D snoozefest.
At least this one seems to have had the decency to wrap its story line up in an hour and 11 minutes, instead of the grueling 9 hours that Peter Jackson is shooting for.
 
2012-12-29 10:25:57 AM
 
2012-12-29 10:27:37 AM

serial_crusher: duckpoopy: It can't be worse than the 1970s 2012 cartoon version released in the US. What hideous animation.

FTFY.  3D snoozefest.
At least this one seems to have had the decency to wrap its story line up in an hour and 11 minutes, instead of the grueling 9 hours that Peter Jackson is shooting for.


I think I see the problem here. Fast 6 is actually being released in may 2013 not Dec 2012. Hope that clears things up.
 
2012-12-29 10:28:00 AM

TappingTheVein: Here's the film with excellent English translation (NSFW):

Part 1
part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6


I just radomly clicked on part 2 and saw "shiat head party poopers deserve no treasure."
 
2012-12-29 10:28:53 AM

NeoCortex42: duckpoopy: It can't be worse than the 1970s cartoon version released in the US. What hideous animation.

It was still a great adaptation of the book, though. And it's probably still the best adaptation for children to see.


Agreed. It's an excellent version of the story told in the way Tolkein intended - as a children's tale, not a special effects extravaganza. Ya know, A Charlie Brown Christmas doesn't exactly have dazzling animation either yet it's a classic.
 
2012-12-29 10:41:45 AM

NeoCortex42: duckpoopy: It can't be worse than the 1970s cartoon version released in the US. What hideous animation.

It was still a great adaptation of the book, though. And it's probably still the best adaptation for children to see.


it's been a while since I've seen the movie, but yeah I don't remember The Hobbit animated film being at all bad. I even kind of like the Bakshi version of LOTR, though mostly because I thought the Nazgul were a bit more otherworldy and terrifying in that version than Jackson's version.
 
2012-12-29 10:43:47 AM
I think Gandalf the Glitter is actually more unsettling than Obvious Hand Puppet Smaug. There's something really creepy about that guy.
 
2012-12-29 10:58:12 AM
blogs.amctv.com

Doesn't everyone know The Hobbit was inwented in Russia?
 
2012-12-29 10:59:53 AM

FeedTheCollapse: NeoCortex42: duckpoopy: It can't be worse than the 1970s cartoon version released in the US. What hideous animation.

It was still a great adaptation of the book, though. And it's probably still the best adaptation for children to see.

it's been a while since I've seen the movie, but yeah I don't remember The Hobbit animated film being at all bad. I even kind of like the Bakshi version of LOTR, though mostly because I thought the Nazgul were a bit more otherworldy and terrifying in that version than Jackson's version.


The goblins in the animated one from the 70's were horrifying.
 
2012-12-29 11:02:43 AM
В Советской России, драгоценные кольца найдет вас!
 
2012-12-29 11:05:12 AM

FeedTheCollapse: it's been a while since I've seen the movie, but yeah I don't remember The Hobbit animated film being at all bad. I even kind of like the Bakshi version of LOTR, though mostly because I thought the Nazgul were a bit more otherworldy and terrifying in that version than Jackson's version.


Man I think the scene with them hacking up the pillows in the inn gave me nightmares as a kid.
 
2012-12-29 11:05:27 AM
I've always wandered what Gandalf would look like if he was played by a Disco Vincent Price in a 80's WWF outfit.

Now I know.

And this had to be some high ranking official's nephew's vanity project because the Soviets were crazy about their arts, be it their animation, movies, plays and especially their ballet. It's like they said, "Fine, if we can't beat the Americans to the moon. We can beat them on stage."

I can imagine a huge State funded Hobbit project would have been amazing with the occasional odd ballet number thrown in for no reason.
 
2012-12-29 11:08:20 AM

A Terrible Human: FeedTheCollapse: NeoCortex42: duckpoopy: It can't be worse than the 1970s cartoon version released in the US. What hideous animation.

It was still a great adaptation of the book, though. And it's probably still the best adaptation for children to see.

it's been a while since I've seen the movie, but yeah I don't remember The Hobbit animated film being at all bad. I even kind of like the Bakshi version of LOTR, though mostly because I thought the Nazgul were a bit more otherworldy and terrifying in that version than Jackson's version.

The goblins in the animated one from the 70's were horrifying.


It had great music, as well.

www.collecttolkien.com
 
2012-12-29 11:14:42 AM
I randomly clicked into the movie and got this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=6m0l3Yr1B50# t =795s
 
2012-12-29 11:15:35 AM
 
2012-12-29 11:21:19 AM

Kraftwerk Orange: A Terrible Human: FeedTheCollapse: NeoCortex42: duckpoopy: It can't be worse than the 1970s cartoon version released in the US. What hideous animation.

It was still a great adaptation of the book, though. And it's probably still the best adaptation for children to see.

it's been a while since I've seen the movie, but yeah I don't remember The Hobbit animated film being at all bad. I even kind of like the Bakshi version of LOTR, though mostly because I thought the Nazgul were a bit more otherworldy and terrifying in that version than Jackson's version.

The goblins in the animated one from the 70's were horrifying.

It had great music, as well.

[www.collecttolkien.com image 673x676]


Actually, your link is from the 1980 Rankin/Bass "Return of the King". It's from a part of the story that Peter Jackson left out: Frodo and Sam disguise themselves as orcs and march with an orc army so that they can get across the plains of Mordor. In the Peter Jackson version, once they get past Shelob, they magically teleport to Mt. Doom.

Another song from that movie: Frodo of the Nine Fingers. That's legendary folk singer Glenn Yarbrough performing.
 
2012-12-29 11:26:28 AM

Persnickety: Kraftwerk Orange: A Terrible Human: FeedTheCollapse: NeoCortex42: duckpoopy: It can't be worse than the 1970s cartoon version released in the US. What hideous animation.

It was still a great adaptation of the book, though. And it's probably still the best adaptation for children to see.

it's been a while since I've seen the movie, but yeah I don't remember The Hobbit animated film being at all bad. I even kind of like the Bakshi version of LOTR, though mostly because I thought the Nazgul were a bit more otherworldy and terrifying in that version than Jackson's version.

The goblins in the animated one from the 70's were horrifying.

It had great music, as well.

[www.collecttolkien.com image 673x676]

Actually, your link is from the 1980 Rankin/Bass "Return of the King". It's from a part of the story that Peter Jackson left out: Frodo and Sam disguise themselves as orcs and march with an orc army so that they can get across the plains of Mordor. In the Peter Jackson version, once they get past Shelob, they magically teleport to Mt. Doom.

Another song from that movie: Frodo of the Nine Fingers. That's legendary folk singer Glenn Yarbrough performing.


Thanks for the correction.
 
2012-12-29 11:27:00 AM
Is it really accurate to say "The Soviets" made a film?
Was there a collective vote? Did the non-artistic people in the country just get sandwiches for the crew?

I see headlines a lot like "Japan is at it again" (with some weird video).

For the record, a film or TV show is made by a director and small crew, not a whole country.
/peeve
 
2012-12-29 11:46:10 AM

zvoidx: Is it really accurate to say "The Soviets" made a film?
Was there a collective vote? Did the non-artistic people in the country just get sandwiches for the crew?

I see headlines a lot like "Japan is at it again" (with some weird video).

For the record, a film or TV show is made by a director and small crew, not a whole country.
/peeve


Accurate way is "Party made a film"
/In you know where Donner's party eats itself
 
2012-12-29 11:50:55 AM
 
2012-12-29 11:56:57 AM
fc02.deviantart.net
 
2012-12-29 12:06:05 PM

duckpoopy: It can't be worse than the 1970s cartoon version released in the US. What hideous animation.


You sir, have absolutely no taste. That cartoon was far better than the movie now in theaters.
 
2012-12-29 12:10:12 PM

zvoidx: Is it really accurate to say "The Soviets" made a film?


Wasn't that the whole idea of communism?  Basically one big "you didn't build that" experience?
 
2012-12-29 12:10:21 PM

LewDux: Link


That better be Saruman Trololo
 
2012-12-29 12:22:27 PM

ds_4815: [fc02.deviantart.net image 634x500]


What the hell was THAT??!?
 
2012-12-29 12:32:53 PM

phaseolus: ds_4815: [fc02.deviantart.net image 634x500]

What the hell was THAT??!?


"Worker and Parasite", IIRC.
 
2012-12-29 12:34:53 PM

Forbidden Doughnut: phaseolus: ds_4815: [fc02.deviantart.net image 634x500]

What the hell was THAT??!?

"Worker and Parasite", IIRC.


I believe he was also referencing it, actually.
 
2012-12-29 12:34:58 PM

mekki: I've always wandered what Gandalf would look like if he was played by a Disco Vincent Price in a 80's WWF outfit.

Now I know.

And this had to be some high ranking official's nephew's vanity project because the Soviets were crazy about their arts, be it their animation, movies, plays and especially their ballet. It's like they said, "Fine, if we can't beat the Americans to the moon. We can beat them on stage."

I can imagine a huge State funded Hobbit project would have been amazing with the occasional odd ballet number thrown in for no reason.


Some Soviet art student in the 80s made an animated adaptation of a short story by Stephen King, called Battleground. It's about a hitman who kills a wealthy toy company CEO, then is later attacked by a battalion of toy soldiers in his apartment.
It's entertainingly bad.
 
2012-12-29 12:35:21 PM

serial_crusher: zvoidx: Is it really accurate to say "The Soviets" made a film?

Wasn't that the whole idea of communism?  Basically one big "you didn't build that" experience?


You may have a point. TBH, I don't know if, in 1985, a filmmaker there could act as an independent entity or as one being commissioned and/or funded by the gov.

/my general peeve, at least with Japan, still stands
 
2012-12-29 12:39:08 PM
Gandalf looks like half a pedophile.
 
2012-12-29 12:44:08 PM

A Terrible Human: The goblins in the animated one from the 70's were horrifying.


JRR worked with the animators on the look of Smaug and the Goblins. Those goblins are as Tolkien envisioned them.
 
2012-12-29 01:03:57 PM

ds_4815: Forbidden Doughnut: phaseolus: ds_4815: [fc02.deviantart.net image 634x500]

What the hell was THAT??!?

"Worker and Parasite", IIRC.

I believe he was also referencing it, actually.


*slaps head*

I'm ashamed I didn't catch that. ( has seasons 1-10 on DVD)
 
2012-12-29 01:15:27 PM

TappingTheVein: Here's the film with excellent English translation (NSFW):

Part 1
part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6


You, sir or madame, have made my day.
 
2012-12-29 01:16:51 PM

MayoSlather: I recommend going to the 36 minute mark and check out russian Gollum


Pretty much how I always imagined him. Peter Jackson clearly snatched his design from this movie. Spitting image, only this isn't CGI. Amazing!
 
2012-12-29 01:22:35 PM

Persnickety: Actually, your link is from the 1980 Rankin/Bass "Return of the King". It's from a part of the story that Peter Jackson left out: Frodo and Sam disguise themselves as orcs and march with an orc army so that they can get across the plains of Mordor. In the Peter Jackson version, once they get past Shelob, they magically teleport to Mt. Doom.


The orc army march is in the extended cut of the film, as is the whole march to Mount Doom. Even in the theatrical version you get much of the march to Mount Doom, albeit in truncated form.
 
2012-12-29 01:26:48 PM
I was hoping it would be more like the Russian version of "Winnie the Pooh".
 
2012-12-29 01:27:52 PM
In Russia, Mordor walks into you.
 
2012-12-29 01:30:21 PM

FlyPanAm: In Russia, Mordor walks into you.


In Russia, Eagles do their part for the collective and avoid Siberian gulag by flying hobbits into Mordor.
 
2012-12-29 01:37:59 PM
49:33
 
2012-12-29 01:47:31 PM

born_yesterday: FlyPanAm: In Russia, Mordor walks into you.

In Russia, Eagles do their part for the collective and avoid Siberian gulag by flying hobbits into Mordor.


In Russia, Sauron sees the Eagle Elite and exiles them to a life of goulash and wodka.
 
2012-12-29 01:58:57 PM

TappingTheVein: Here's the film with excellent English translation (NSFW):

Part 1
part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6


"Bilbo's mother can be quite a handful." Thanks for the links, they made my day!
 
2012-12-29 01:59:28 PM
enderthexenocide
come on, admit it. everyone in this thread would love to rent a movie camera, bring all their friends together, mock up some dumb costumes and make a fan movie just like this. it make have terrible acting and nonexistent special effects, but this movie has a lot of heart.


Some Russians actually did this with Lord of the Rings and it looked awesome(ly funny).
I know I've saved some screenshots and maybe a trailer or two on another computer, but maybe it's still online and Google will help...
 
2012-12-29 02:22:53 PM
Zero Mostel is Bilbo Baggins!
 
2012-12-29 02:47:01 PM
Он фиксирует кабель?
 
2012-12-29 02:57:30 PM
Ha, found it again.

"The Trouble of the Rings"(lgt website)

trailer for all three parts

The movies are on vimeo, too; about 75 minutes each.
I just love all the cute little ideas.

IIRC I found this parody when I was looking for something like "hobbits hiding" for a PS contest and had the image below with the girls in their fuzzy slippers among the GIS results.


Frodo: Do you want my Ring?
Galadriel: The Ring? Alas, Article 18 clause 7 prohibits importing rings of power to Valinor.


i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
Sam: What do you think, Mr. Frodo, will we ever be put in legends or tales?
Frodo: Of course. We'll even be put in a book. And they might shoot another movie as well.
Sam: And it will get 11 Academy Awards!

i.imgur.com
Aragorn: This is Rohan. We need to be careful from now on. We're homeless, jobless and have no papers.
i.imgur.com
 
2012-12-29 03:07:34 PM

Sgt Otter: mekki: I've always wandered what Gandalf would look like if he was played by a Disco Vincent Price in a 80's WWF outfit.

Now I know.

And this had to be some high ranking official's nephew's vanity project because the Soviets were crazy about their arts, be it their animation, movies, plays and especially their ballet. It's like they said, "Fine, if we can't beat the Americans to the moon. We can beat them on stage."

I can imagine a huge State funded Hobbit project would have been amazing with the occasional odd ballet number thrown in for no reason.

Some Soviet art student in the 80s made an animated adaptation of a short story by Stephen King, called Battleground. It's about a hitman who kills a wealthy toy company CEO, then is later attacked by a battalion of toy soldiers in his apartment.
It's entertainingly bad.


Also, was a Twilight Zone episode from the 80's, I believe. I know I've seen it on TV somewhere, anyway, maybe not TZ.
 
2012-12-29 04:00:57 PM

ekdikeo4: Sgt Otter: mekki: I've always wandered what Gandalf would look like if he was played by a Disco Vincent Price in a 80's WWF outfit.

Now I know.

And this had to be some high ranking official's nephew's vanity project because the Soviets were crazy about their arts, be it their animation, movies, plays and especially their ballet. It's like they said, "Fine, if we can't beat the Americans to the moon. We can beat them on stage."

I can imagine a huge State funded Hobbit project would have been amazing with the occasional odd ballet number thrown in for no reason.

Some Soviet art student in the 80s made an animated adaptation of a short story by Stephen King, called Battleground. It's about a hitman who kills a wealthy toy company CEO, then is later attacked by a battalion of toy soldiers in his apartment.
It's entertainingly bad.

Also, was a Twilight Zone episode from the 80's, I believe. I know I've seen it on TV somewhere, anyway, maybe not TZ.


I think it was the short-lived anthology, DarkRoom.
 
2012-12-29 07:49:44 PM
So when are they gonna have a MST3K episode of it?
 
2012-12-29 11:21:58 PM

shoegaze99: MayoSlather: I recommend going to the 36 minute mark and check out russian Gollum

Pretty much how I always imagined him. Peter Jackson clearly snatched his design from this movie. Spitting image, only this isn't CGI. Amazing!


Hey, remember back in the nineties, when people used to say something that was the opposite of what they really meant, but say it so it sounded really sincere, and then they'd pause for a second and then yell, "NOT!!"? I think that should come back.
 
2012-12-29 11:27:33 PM

The Voice of Doom: Ha, found it again.

"The Trouble of the Rings"(lgt website)

trailer for all three parts

The movies are on vimeo, too; about 75 minutes each.
I just love all the cute little ideas.

IIRC I found this parody when I was looking for something like "hobbits hiding" for a PS contest and had the image below with the girls in their fuzzy slippers among the GIS results.


Frodo: Do you want my Ring?
Galadriel: The Ring? Alas, Article 18 clause 7 prohibits importing rings of power to Valinor.


awesome, thanks for posting that
 
2012-12-30 02:46:22 AM
LOL, "beelbobaggids"
 
2012-12-30 10:45:08 AM

Balchinian: [ic.pics.livejournal.com image 470x350]

IvAAAnushka!!!!!


Jackie Chan *IS* Ivanushka!
 
2012-12-30 09:02:16 PM
Came for 'Worker and Parasite' reference, leaving satisfied.
 
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