Oh man its almost as if life, with or without children is only as good as you choose to make it. What a shocker.

There are a lot of people who should not have children, and I'm one of those people. I recognize that.
I've been so lucky to find a great guy who doesn't want them either. I don't think it's selfish to not have
children, for me it's just the responsible choice.

I really hate threads like this. If you have no kids you assume that is best. Yet if you do have children, you assume that is best. To each his own. What I hate however is when people have snarky comments and tell those with children how annoying they are and how much better off they are for not having them.

Children are fking great thanks for asking. They are a pain sometimes, as is any living creature you have to take care of. The payoff however, is simply awesome.

Until 27, I never had the desire to have kids. Ever. My family was told long ago and stopped bothering us but acquaintances/other relatives are more annoying. Been together for 10+ years, bought the house, bought the seemingly family-oriented car, fiancé settled into good job, finishing my graduate degree, got engaged and still nothing. The questions have been coming fast and furious from people who have no business asking. The expectation that EVERYONE wants to have kids is still very prevalent. I had been questioning my zero child policy for a while but a false alarm this Fall has changed my mind. That doesn't mean I will sharing that decision publicly, not even with family. We will have kids when we feel it is time but I am not going to rationalize my reproductive decisions with every person who asks the question.

If you want kids, great. If you don't, that's great too.

Eegah: BlousyBrown: There are a lot of people who should not have children, and I'm one of those people. I recognize that.
I've been so lucky to find a great guy who doesn't want them either. I don't think it's selfish to not have
children, for me it's just the responsible choice.

That about sums it up for me (although I found a great gal).

I've heard the "selfish" accusation before. I've never understood how it's selfish to not bring more children into an already overpopulated world.

It's from bitter parents. You find that parents that are truly happy with their choice, and there are a great many of them, don't feel the need to harass you about having children. My cousins are like that, they have two kids, couldn't be happier with their family, and never give me any shiat for having none and having no plans for any. They made their choice, they are happy in it, they don't feel the need to harp on others.

However there are more than a few parents who are bitter and resentful to people without children and the freedom they have. They are not happy with their choice and so justify it as the only "correct" choice. They hate on those who did things differently because it shows them what they want and cannot have.

As a practical matter, it can be a rather unselfish act to not have kids. If we are to have a stable world, we need to stop the massive population growth. No that can be done China style where the government enforces shiat... or it can be done in a voluntary fashion. Some people have no children and thus others that want more than 2 can have it, and not affect growth.

I'm glad I don't have kids because I know I'd make a shiatty father.

Simple as that, really.

I had freedom until I was 35, now I have two kids. Yeah, freedom was great, enjoyed every minute of it. And yep, I hated kids, still do in fact. Except mine. Couldn't imagine life without them.

IMO make your choice as an adult (in other words, 25+) and don't look back. You'll make the right choice. Some people are definitely not well suited to raising kids, and recognizing that would save everyone a headache.

/prophylactics should be plentiful and free, it's a good investment

I wasn't "made" to be a mother. I had spared a child from having to have me as one.

So very much THIS. I have always known I would've been the worst mom. Even setting health problems aside, it would have been a bad decision for me and at least I knew that years and years ago and didn't have a problem with it.

I now have a 13 year old stepson, but lack maternal instinct, apparently that part was left out of my brain when I was created. Fortunately, the kid and I have enough in common and I want to teach him how to cook, do his own laundry, support him with his dreams of joining the military and encourage his artistic achievements, etc., so that when he gets out in the world he's not hopeless nor full of dismay; he's a great kid couldn't ask for better. And I have never once looked upon him or my old man and said to myself, gee, I want a baby. I'm not cut out for it, never was, never will be. I make an ok stepmom for an older kid though and love him to pieces and would do anything for him. I don't mind my life being bound up in his, but a baby, no thanks even though I'm still young enough to conceive. We've taken great precautions in my house to ensure that doesn't happen. I am so thankful that I was brought up in a society that allows women to make choices and does not force them into motherhood. I am convinced that being a stepmom is about the best job on earth. Had someone else go through the pain and the diapers and the tantrums and now all I have is a bratty teenager to deal with. I probably would've fostered an older kid anyway, but I can't handle the baby thing. Loads of respect out there for all the biological moms. Your path is not an easy one.

As an adult, if you want kids, it's probably a good idea. If you don't want kids, you shouldn't have them.

She sounds like a self-absorbed boomer. If she had a kid it would have been just another contribution to gen-x that would have grown up angst-ridden at how little attention it got from narcissistic parents.

At least she acknowledged as much.

So, thanks, lady. You suck slightly less than your contemporaries.

Sex is not for procreation.

It's all right.  I see some families and I envy them, but I see others and I'm at least glad I'm not in that situation.  And the freedom is nice, however it's something that's completely taken for granted after a short time of having all that you want.

BlousyBrown: There are a lot of people who should not have children, and I'm one of those people. I recognize that.
I've been so lucky to find a great guy who doesn't want them either. I don't think it's selfish to not have
children, for me it's just the responsible choice.

As a parent, I not only agree, but would say that having children is the selfish act. Passing on one's DNA is one of the most primitive, self-serving acts that one can partake in. Anyone who tries to suggest otherwise is kidding themselves.

singularity or bust: I like how TFA's argument for kids is basically "shiat, I'm bored. Better have kids."

I assume you're talking about the 2nd writer. I read that and thought "I bet he doesn't have any actual passions".

I could not have kids, my job, and also fulfill all my interests and passions. Something had to be left out. I decided to leave out kids. My sister has 4, so there's lots of opportunity to be an uncle. It's not like the planet is suffering for lack of people. I will miss out on many of those "kid" moments... just like my sister will miss out on many adult moments. Like many other things in life, you make your choice and live with it. There will be moments of regret no matter which choice you make, because that's our nature, imagining what could have been.

cryinoutloud: Eegah: That about sums it up for me (although I found a great gal).
I've heard the "selfish" accusation before. I've never understood how it's selfish to not bring more children into an already overpopulated world.

It's selfish if your reason for not having kids is so that you can have more money. Unless you're dirt poor, that is a selfish reason.

But if you'd rather have money than anything else, just as well you don't have any kids anyway. Try to keep it that way.

I would only be selfish if the world needed more kids, which it does not. I love your logic, though. If you don't create a child that needs something from you, and then give it to them, you are selfish. Why not abstain from creating the child in the first place? You can't be selfish for withholding something from someone that does not exist.

I also love that you assume that our decision to not have kids is to have more money. I think this comment may apply to you:

sycraft: It's from bitter parents. You find that parents that are truly happy with their choice, and there are a great many of them, don't feel the need to harass you about having children. My cousins are like that, they have two kids, couldn't be happier with their family, and never give me any shiat for having none and having no plans for any. They made their choice, they are happy in it, they don't feel the need to harp on others.

However there are more than a few parents who are bitter and resentful to people without children and the freedom they have. They are not happy with their choice and so justify it as the only "correct" choice. They hate on those who did things differently because it shows them what they want and cannot have.

As a practical matter, it can be a rather unselfish act to not have kids. If we are to have a stable world, we need to stop the massive population growth. No that can be done China style where the government enforces shiat... or it can be done in a voluntary fashion. Some people have no children and thus others that want more than 2 can have it, and not affect growth.

Mouser: Life: It's not about you.

Why the hell shouldn't it be? No, seriously. What cosmic principle did I ever swear fealty to that demands I should sacrifice my happiness for another person? Why is having one or two kids your sacred duty to those potential kids, but not the 5th or 6th? I'm a man. I could, in principle, sire thousands of potential kids. Am I wrong to not bring them into the world? Then what's so special about the first one?

I don't want kids right now because I don't think they would make me happy. If that changes one day, then I will have one. But not more than one, because I want to contribute to negative population growth. Anyone who has more than two kids and calls him/herself an environmentalist is a farking hypocrite.

la_cyberchicana: Like the writer, I get a lot of "But who will take care of you when you're older?" I always answer, "What makes you think your kids are guaranteed to take care of you when you're older?"

Don't be an arse, show them right from wrong, be there for them, show them the world, explain life, and love them as you should and the kids will be there.... is a fair motto to go with.

But it appears to be hard for many.

Something that dog people don't appear to be able to understand, or assume that it doesn't happen.

When I get old, and something were to happens, I know that the kids will be there and do their best. Your dog will probably be dead from old age, or bark a lot if you fall down and break your hip, and turn you into kibble when it gets hungry enough from you not being able to move and fill it's bowl.

Not having kids is the best decision I ever made. My SO and I still celebrate my sterilization-iversary.

In this thread, people with kids justify their decisions because it would be abhorred to have children but regret that decision, and they also have no way to go back from their original decision. This is not to be confused with what is also in this thread: people without children justifying their decisions because it may be too late to go back on it as well, or they fear being in the place of the people with children that cannot be stuffed back into the womb and or scrotum.

What a revelation we have here. People can't make decisions a second time so they justify the decisions instead of living in sorrow.

It's ok, thanks for asking.

How are you guys?

I miss those days of independence and being DINKs, but it's hard to imagine life without my two kids.

It is funny reading the snotty little comments from both sides justifying their decision.

43, been with my wife for 20 years, no kids by choice. I'm not going to re-re-re-repeat the pros and cons in this thread.

However, I do find it interesting that among my RL peers, this makes me very rare. I not sure I know any other couples who still have no kids at my age. Among Farkers, on the other hand, there seems to be quite a decent percentage who have chosen not to have children. Interesting...

Smarshmallow: BlousyBrown: There are a lot of people who should not have children, and I'm one of those people. I recognize that.
I've been so lucky to find a great guy who doesn't want them either. I don't think it's selfish to not have
children, for me it's just the responsible choice.

As a parent, I not only agree, but would say that having children is the selfish act. Passing on one's DNA is one of the most primitive, self-serving acts that one can partake in. Anyone who tries to suggest otherwise is kidding themselves.

I love my kid and can't wait to meet #2 that's on the way... but I couldn't agree more with both of you.

To the "who will take care of you when you're older?" crowd: eff you. Children have free will and Its sick to think that you'd create a person for the express purpose of taking care of you.

When it comes time that I become a burden, I plan on punching my own ticket anyway. I don't need that kind of pain and humiliation, nor do those that I love and who love me need it thrust upon them.

I've never had a desire to breed or parent anyone. If you're happy being a parent, good on ya. But when I mention that I don't have kids, do NOT take that as a sign that I'm anxious to hear you talk about yours for hours on end. In addition to boring the hell out of me ("Oh, you're a dog person? Well, let me tell you about my cats!"), it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that you're happy to be a parent.

pla: Imagine a ferret that understands the destructive power of fire and power tools.

oh, dear, god.

I want kids even less now, if that is possible

cryinoutloud: Eegah: That about sums it up for me (although I found a great gal).
I've heard the "selfish" accusation before. I've never understood how it's selfish to not bring more children into an already overpopulated world.

It's selfish if your reason for not having kids is so that you can have more money. Unless you're dirt poor, that is a selfish reason.

But if you'd rather have money than anything else, just as well you don't have any kids anyway. Try to keep it that way.

It's selfish of you to decide what actions would be selfish of another person to take.

Yzziefrog: It's quite possible to make the decision not to have kids, and be happy with it, and still recognize what you missed.

This.  I won't say I don't get second thoughts from time to time, but it registers like having to choose between two awesome dishes at a fancy restaurant and only enough money to buy one or the other.  The ONLY way to ruin your choice is to regret.  Not having everything is just a basic fact of life.

miscreant: I assume you're talking about the 2nd writer. I read that and thought "I bet he doesn't have any actual passions".

This.  If anything I suffer from having too many passions, because even without kids there's so much I'm holding off for lack of time.

BolshyGreatYarblocks: To improve future human security, we need to lessen the corporate/financial overlordship and increase the sense of community and mutual enjoyment of lives lived with others, including and especially families.

You could also walk out the door and ring your neighbor's doorbell. My parents spend far more time with their neighbors and best friends who live a block away now that they're retired than they do with family.

cryinoutloud: Eegah: That about sums it up for me (although I found a great gal).
I've heard the "selfish" accusation before. I've never understood how it's selfish to not bring more children into an already overpopulated world.

It's selfish if your reason for not having kids is so that you can have more money. Unless you're dirt poor, that is a selfish reason.

But if you'd rather have money than anything else, just as well you don't have any kids anyway. Try to keep it that way.

You've got it backwards. It's I don't want kids, therefore, I have more money: not, I want more money, so I won't have kids.

MBooda: What Is It Like To Be an Adult and Not Have Kids?

Nice, except for the annoying compulsion to tell everybody What Is It Like To Be an Adult and Not Have Kids.

The "no kids" people are alot like the atheists. Rather than quietly go on with their lives, they feel they need to both tell you about their choice and defend it without solicitation.

There's enough Kinderfeindlichkeit on this thread to make Gilles de Rais sick.

Re the first Slate poster: what is it about so many Jewish-American women spreading the don't-get-married-don't-have-kids gospel? Did they get diddled by pervy rabbis as kids? Does that really give you satisfaction to foist your preferences upon others?

I think happiness comes down to love of family and a sense of human continuity; can you really get that from a badminton partner? The US doesn't do community well as it is, what with neighbors refraining from learning each others' names: family is about the only sense of connection we have left.

I identify with the second Slate poster. When society expects you to be a corporate cog earning big bucks, you have little time to look for the mate who is doing the same, fears pregnancy as a disaster conferring future unemployability, or is 'self-actualizing' like the Boobieser.

To improve future human security, we need to lessen the corporate/financial overlordship and increase the sense of community and mutual enjoyment of lives lived with others, including and especially families.

Oh, and for the 'Children of Men' ain't gonna happen' crowd, I'll just leave this:

Link

http://www.tnr.com/article/politics/magazine/110861/how-older-parenth o od-will-upend-american-society

Wow, the boomer lady sounds JUST like me, except my family has never pressured me about the kids thing. I think it was obvious from an early age. The second answer sounds like the typical Vegas douchebag I've avoided for a decade now. Yeah, if your only drive in life is money, you will feel empty. But you can fill your life with so much, with or without children. Maybe i don't really know what I'm missing, but maybe I don't really want to know what that is.

cryinoutloud: Eegah: That about sums it up for me (although I found a great gal).
I've heard the "selfish" accusation before. I've never understood how it's selfish to not bring more children into an already overpopulated world.

It's selfish if your reason for not having kids is so that you can have more money. Unless you're dirt poor, that is a selfish reason.

But if you'd rather have money than anything else, just as well you don't have any kids anyway. Try to keep it that way.

By that logic, any decision that a person makes in order to have more money is selfish. Accepted a promotion? You selfish bastard.

I like how TFA's argument for kids is basically "shiat, I'm bored. Better have kids."

I chose cats over kids. No diapers (which are expensive and suck to change) and I don't have to pay for college educations for my cat snowflakes.
/And I can easily afford to drive BMWs.
//Helped raise my niece when I was 18. What a pain in the arse she was.
///Now she has a crotchfruit that's 18 months old. She complains constantly about it's behavior.

i'm 33, single, with no kids. and to be honest it kind of sucks. don't get me wrong, i enjoyed the hell out of my 20s, and at this point in my life i have financial and personal freedom that my married-with-kids friends lack. but i'm bored.

i was single and childless for a long time. it was fun, but now i want to move on to something new. i can't see myself being single and childless the rest of my life, i just think i'll be bored to death in another couple years. i want the challenge and the experience of raising children, i want to see what that's like.

BlousyBrown: There are a lot of people who should not have children, and I'm one of those people. I recognize that.
I've been so lucky to find a great guy who doesn't want them either. I don't think it's selfish to not have
children, for me it's just the responsible choice.

That about sums it up for me (although I found a great gal).

I've heard the "selfish" accusation before. I've never understood how it's selfish to not bring more children into an already overpopulated world.

45 YO and three kids.

Its pretty clear at this point that they'll be my only worthwhile accomplishment.

MBooda: What Is It Like To Be an Adult and Not Have Kids?

Nice, except for the annoying compulsion to tell everybody What Is It Like To Be an Adult and Not Have Kids.

LOL... THIS.

It's not for everyone, and lots of kids have crappy parents because of it, but it's no freaking merit badge to state that you'd be a crappy parent.

I do acknowledge and applaud those that do recognize this and get fixed, but a simple "not for me" is enough. (and no, I don't want to hear about your dog, just as much as you don't want to hear about my kids).

BlousyBrown: There are a lot of people who should not have children, and I'm one of those people. I recognize that.
I've been so lucky to find a great guy who doesn't want them either. I don't think it's selfish to not have
children, for me it's just the responsible choice.

I like the cut of your jibe

What Is It Like To Be an Adult and Not Have Kids?

Nice, except for the annoying compulsion to tell everybody What Is It Like To Be an Adult and Not Have Kids.

imfallen_angel: The moment I opened the page I expected the usual dumb-arse banter that people with no children always dish out, and I wasn't shocked when they went and mentioned something about having dogs instead, which they were "like the kids they never had".

For people like this, I'm glad that they didn't have kids because they would have made terrible parents, but the way most "acknowledge" this, is usually in a douchebag way, and this article didn't disappoint.

Of course, there's a good side of not having kids, never having to be responsible for another human being, being able to be free to do anything you'd like without the burden of a child... but don't whine about being alone one day... the people that live "having kids" via other people's children tend to have plenty of issues.

I have children, and it's been very complicated. Some days I wonder how life would have been without them, but I know that my life has been worth more for having them, something that's very hard to explain I guess, to those that never had any.

The fact is, I've been single, I've been without kids at some point, and I've been a father, a parent... something that the ones without kids cannot understand, and no, taking temporary care of someone else's children isn't the same.

For the nieces and nephew thing, for me, almost all the ones I have, have had a difficult life and most have had terrible parents and I do feel that I have to take them under my wing, but in a way that a parent would, not the way that the kid-less uncle and aunt would.

So can you tell us which makes you more explosively outraged, people who don't have kids, but you think they should, or people who do have kids, but you think they shouldn't?

Like... Having ice cream, and not needing to share it with anyone.

Like Christmas every day, because I have disposable income that doesn't go into buying the latest Trapper Keeper or clothes that will only last six months or fixing the little snot's broken arm.

Like being able to have nice things that some unappreciative little brat won't use to practice their sawing skills or bury them in the backyard on you (some conditions may apply depending on what type of pets you have).

Like doing what I want, when I want, and how I want, without having to schedule (or worse, attend) some god-awful 8YO's dance recital, or listen to "are we there yet?" or worry about where to find the next restaurant that serves all-chicken-fingers-all-the-time-because-the-little-snot-won't-eat-any thing-else.

Like I can have sex with my partner on the dining room table at 7pm and not worry about having DCYF show up in a 4am raid the next day.

Like never needing to apologize to Billy's mom that my precious dear little parasite broke Billy's nose with a watermelon.


What does it feel like? Y'know those fantasies you parents have about getting away from it all, just for a day or two, leaving the kids with grandma and just... sleeping in?

I live that every day.

Enjoy your choice. I sure as hell enjoy mine. :)

The moment I opened the page I expected the usual dumb-arse banter that people with no children always dish out, and I wasn't shocked when they went and mentioned something about having dogs instead, which they were "like the kids they never had".

For people like this, I'm glad that they didn't have kids because they would have made terrible parents, but the way most "acknowledge" this, is usually in a douchebag way, and this article didn't disappoint.

Of course, there's a good side of not having kids, never having to be responsible for another human being, being able to be free to do anything you'd like without the burden of a child... but don't whine about being alone one day... the people that live "having kids" via other people's children tend to have plenty of issues.

I have children, and it's been very complicated. Some days I wonder how life would have been without them, but I know that my life has been worth more for having them, something that's very hard to explain I guess, to those that never had any.

The fact is, I've been single, I've been without kids at some point, and I've been a father, a parent... something that the ones without kids cannot understand, and no, taking temporary care of someone else's children isn't the same.

For the nieces and nephew thing, for me, almost all the ones I have, have had a difficult life and most have had terrible parents and I do feel that I have to take them under my wing, but in a way that a parent would, not the way that the kid-less uncle and aunt would.

At 48 years of age, no kids, I have friends with kids who are much older and friends with kids who are much younger. The younger ones worry constantly about money, to the point where they're not deriving much enjoyment from their children. The older ones biatch constantly about how their grown offspring never come around unless they need money. I know at least two older couples who are raising their grandchildren because their children are too strung out on something or too incarcerated to do it themselves. They're exhausted, and it shows.

Like the writer, I get a lot of "But who will take care of you when you're older?" I always answer, "What makes you think your kids are guaranteed to take care of you when you're older?" I don't dislike children; in fact, I'm particularly fond of kids ages 8-12 (I've had some interesting conversations with my nephews when they were that age, before they turned into disaffected little brat teenagers). But children are no guarantee of anything but a whole lot of heartache and headache. A whole lotta love, too, granted, but you can't have the sweet without the bitter. I'll take my doggie's love over the kiddies anyday -- he comes bitterness-free, and is absurdly grateful for treats and walkies, even though he gets them every day.

Not having kids is only an issue for those that cling to the idea that 1. you must get married before 2. having sex.