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(Wonkette)   Tired of a being homosexual but "praying the gay away" just didn't quite cut it? Have you tried jacking off horses with other men desperately interested in heterosexuality on an isolated church/ranch in Virginia?   (wonkette.com) divider line 212
    More: Unlikely, Wayne Besen, Isaac Hayes  
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13206 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Dec 2012 at 6:35 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-28 07:56:44 PM
Hmmm, I drive by that place on my way out to Culpeper to go foxhunting.

Actually, I jacked off my horse many times. It's the only way I could get him to extend his penis so I could clean his sheath, which is one of the ugly things you have to do to keep you horse clean and healthy. If you don't clean it, it gets all crusty and infection prone. Didn't know it was keeping teh gay away. So I got that going for me, which is nice.

/NCSB
 
2012-12-28 07:56:50 PM

Indubitably: Indubitably: I like horse-women.

Centaurs, actually.


What about horse-like women?

/ I hear that they are all the rage in North Korea
 
2012-12-28 07:59:03 PM

HindiDiscoMonster: orbister: AirForceVet: Aroused female sheep have a similar effect on me.

How can you tell a female sheep is aroused? Do they flare their nostrils or something?

/innocent city dweller

that is a good question..... any scottish farkers wanna pipe in on this?


Well, one big hint is when the ram tries to mount one of the other sheep.

/ that should clear it up for you
 
2012-12-28 08:03:01 PM

iheartscotch: HindiDiscoMonster: orbister: AirForceVet: Aroused female sheep have a similar effect on me.

How can you tell a female sheep is aroused? Do they flare their nostrils or something?

/innocent city dweller

that is a good question..... any scottish farkers wanna pipe in on this?

Well, one big hint is when the ram tries to mount one of the other sheep.

/ that should clear it up for you


I'm so very sorry... when did your humor meter break?  Should I send another?
 
2012-12-28 08:03:31 PM
i35.tinypic.com

Are they gone yet?
 
2012-12-28 08:03:44 PM

gilgigamesh: Diogenes: I've never been asked that before.

You need to hang out in more interesting bars.


You also need to cut down trees, skip and jump, and learn to like to pressing wildflowers, if you want to be okay.
 
2012-12-28 08:04:12 PM

iheartscotch: Indubitably: Indubitably: I like horse-women.

Centaurs, actually.

What about horse-like women?

/ I hear that they are all the rage in North Korea


//Cute. Your DPRK jokes were unfunny when you were a Republican operative destroying my career, and they are most unfunny now that you an establishment. Good luck, jackhat. Karma is biatch. *)
 
2012-12-28 08:07:04 PM
speaking of jacking off horses (and bulls), does anyone know if you can make good money doing that kind of work? A friend of mine wants to know.
 
2012-12-28 08:07:36 PM

FunkOut: That's hilarious. They think being manly men and doing macho things with men out in the manly wilderness and outdoors will stop being them from being gay because gay men apparently are all feminine and girly and not butch enough and of course, there is not a huge group of big butch hairy gay men who love to be manly and macho together.


1.bp.blogspot.com

A huge group of big butch hairy gay men who love to be manly and macho together?  This is madness!
 
2012-12-28 08:09:58 PM
FTA: "But Bell says the horses in his church, a cowboy ranch in the south, are part of teaching men to stop being gay and encourage them to be more masculine."

HOW THE FARK, do they convince themselves that it's more masculine to JACK OFF A HORSE'S COCK?

Seriously..
Preachers: "We don't rape little boys!" -> *rapes little boys*
Westboro BC: "We follow the BIBLE and the teachings of JESUS" -> *hates on EVERYONE who is not a member of the WBC*
Religious-Right: "Gay marriage will lead to ANIMAL MARRIAGE!" -> *Claim to cure homosexuality by giving a horse a hand-job*

Why do people SERIOUSLY donate money to these people anymore!?
 
2012-12-28 08:11:49 PM
After reading about this program on some less biased sources, it apperas there is is no jacking off or findling of the horses.
 
2012-12-28 08:12:56 PM

HindiDiscoMonster: orbister: AirForceVet: Aroused female sheep have a similar effect on me.

How can you tell a female sheep is aroused? Do they flare their nostrils or something?

/innocent city dweller

that is a good question..... any scottish farkers wanna pipe in on this?


It's a good sign she's ready for foreplay when she pulls the wool over your eyes.
And yes,I have a good deal of Scotch in my blood.
 
2012-12-28 08:14:22 PM

JWideman: So Catherine the Great was a therapist. Who knew?


Catherine the Great did not die from sex with a horse. She never had sex with a horse. She had a stroke while going to the bathroom. That's how she was found. TSB.
 
2012-12-28 08:15:59 PM

HindiDiscoMonster: iheartscotch: HindiDiscoMonster: orbister: AirForceVet: Aroused female sheep have a similar effect on me.

How can you tell a female sheep is aroused? Do they flare their nostrils or something?

/innocent city dweller

that is a good question..... any scottish farkers wanna pipe in on this?

Well, one big hint is when the ram tries to mount one of the other sheep.

/ that should clear it up for you

I'm so very sorry... when did your humor meter break?  Should I send another?


Perhaps, I should be sending you the humor meter.
 
2012-12-28 08:16:39 PM

snarketyfarker: JWideman: So Catherine the Great was a therapist. Who knew?

Catherine the Great did not die from sex with a horse. She never had sex with a horse. She had a stroke while going to the bathroom. That's how she was found. TSB.


from Wikipedia: Sometime after 9:00 A.M. that morning, Catherine went to her dressing room and collapsed on the floor. Worried by Catherine's absence, her attendant, Zakhar Zotov, opened the door and peered in. Catherine's body was sprawled on the floor. Her face appeared purplish, her pulse was weak, and her breathing was shallow and laboured.[68] The servants lifted Catherine from the floor and brought her to the bedroom. Some 45 minutes later, the royal court's Scottish physician, Dr. John Rogerson, arrived and determined that Catherine had suffered a stroke.[68][69] Despite all attempts to revive the Empress, she fell into a coma from which she never recovered. Catherine was given the last rites and died the following evening at approximately 9:45 P.M.[69] An autopsy performed on her body the next day confirmed the cause of death as stroke.[70]
 
2012-12-28 08:18:44 PM
content8.flixster.com

Ben Dover approves.
 
2012-12-28 08:19:49 PM

Indubitably: iheartscotch: Indubitably: Indubitably: I like horse-women.

Centaurs, actually.

What about horse-like women?

/ I hear that they are all the rage in North Korea

//Cute. Your DPRK jokes were unfunny when you were a Republican operative destroying my career, and they are most unfunny now that you an establishment. Good luck, jackhat. Karma is biatch. *)


I'm sorry; I couldn't resist. You set yourself up perfectly.
 
2012-12-28 08:21:10 PM

sweet-daddy-2: HindiDiscoMonster: orbister: AirForceVet: Aroused female sheep have a similar effect on me.

How can you tell a female sheep is aroused? Do they flare their nostrils or something?

/innocent city dweller

that is a good question..... any scottish farkers wanna pipe in on this?

It's a good sign she's ready for foreplay when she pulls the wool over your eyes.
And yes,I have a good deal of Scotch in my blood.


ach is féidir leat imirt na píopaí?
 
2012-12-28 08:22:15 PM

downstairs: Diogenes: ♪♫♪ Wiiiiild horses...couldn't drag me from gay... ♪♫♪

hackhix: 50 Shades of Neigh?

This thread has a lot of punny potential...


i.imgur.com

50 Grades of Hay?
 
2012-12-28 08:22:31 PM

iheartscotch: HindiDiscoMonster: iheartscotch: HindiDiscoMonster: orbister: AirForceVet: Aroused female sheep have a similar effect on me.

How can you tell a female sheep is aroused? Do they flare their nostrils or something?

/innocent city dweller

that is a good question..... any scottish farkers wanna pipe in on this?

Well, one big hint is when the ram tries to mount one of the other sheep.

/ that should clear it up for you

I'm so very sorry... when did your humor meter break?  Should I send another?

Perhaps, I should be sending you the humor meter.


if that was an attempt at humor, then it's so dry, Salt Flats look like Atlantis does now...
 
2012-12-28 08:22:51 PM
i28.photobucket.com
(thanks, George Takei!)

But seriously...Gay Conversion Therapy is completely farked up whether it involves horsies or not. People should not have to listen to some self-righteous d-bag telling them there's something wrong with they way they are, in order to satisfy that d-bag's prejudices and irrational fears.
 
2012-12-28 08:26:14 PM

snarketyfarker: JWideman: So Catherine the Great was a therapist. Who knew?

Catherine the Great did not die from sex with a horse. She never had sex with a horse. She had a stroke while going to the bathroom. That's how she was found. TSB.


You sure you're not thinking of Elvis?
 
2012-12-28 08:29:34 PM

Diogenes: I used to assist in breeding mares at the stable where I took riding lessons.  I still turned out gay.

Seeing that ridiculously huge horse penis probably made me worse, if anything.  Those poor mares.


It could go both ways. Any other penis could, from there on out, just seem inadequate and not worth the effort, or induce penis trauma, mental and/or physical, so that you avoid it at all costs because even the little ones look like that.

Can you imagine accidentally catching a load in the face? IIRC, in a donkey vid I once saw, there was a LOT of ....load. Talk about trauma...

Hm, Dick trauma isn't something I'm normally comfortable talking about, like not finding AFV's videos of baseball to the crotch comfortable....(ouch).
 
2012-12-28 08:30:43 PM

iheartscotch: Indubitably: iheartscotch: Indubitably: Indubitably: I like horse-women.

Centaurs, actually.

What about horse-like women?

/ I hear that they are all the rage in North Korea

//Cute. Your DPRK jokes were unfunny when you were a Republican operative destroying my career, and they are most unfunny now that you an establishment. Good luck, jackhat. Karma is biatch. *)

I'm sorry; I couldn't resist. You set yourself up perfectly.


Indubitably.
 
2012-12-28 08:36:39 PM

HindiDiscoMonster: iheartscotch: HindiDiscoMonster: iheartscotch: HindiDiscoMonster: orbister: AirForceVet: Aroused female sheep have a similar effect on me.

How can you tell a female sheep is aroused? Do they flare their nostrils or something?

/innocent city dweller

that is a good question..... any scottish farkers wanna pipe in on this?

Well, one big hint is when the ram tries to mount one of the other sheep.

/ that should clear it up for you

I'm so very sorry... when did your humor meter break?  Should I send another?

Perhaps, I should be sending you the humor meter.

if that was an attempt at humor, then it's so dry, Salt Flats look like Atlantis does now...


nonexistent?

/ I've been told that I have a very dry sence of humor
 
2012-12-28 08:40:02 PM

Twilight Farkle: downstairs: Diogenes: ♪♫♪ Wiiiiild horses...couldn't drag me from gay... ♪♫♪

hackhix: 50 Shades of Neigh?

This thread has a lot of punny potential...

[i.imgur.com image 700x738]

50 Grades of Hay?


I suppose it was too much to expect this to be a pony-free thread.
 
2012-12-28 08:41:30 PM

iheartscotch: HindiDiscoMonster: iheartscotch: HindiDiscoMonster: iheartscotch: HindiDiscoMonster: orbister: AirForceVet: Aroused female sheep have a similar effect on me.

How can you tell a female sheep is aroused? Do they flare their nostrils or something?

/innocent city dweller

that is a good question..... any scottish farkers wanna pipe in on this?

Well, one big hint is when the ram tries to mount one of the other sheep.

/ that should clear it up for you

I'm so very sorry... when did your humor meter break?  Should I send another?

Perhaps, I should be sending you the humor meter.

if that was an attempt at humor, then it's so dry, Salt Flats look like Atlantis does now...

nonexistent?

/ I've been told that I have a very dry sence of humor


it's all that scotch...  try a little mead to lighten it up a bit... remember... balance.
 
2012-12-28 08:42:32 PM

Diogenes: AirForceVet: Diogenes: I used to assist in breeding mares at the stable where I took riding lessons.  I still turned out gay.

Seeing that ridiculously huge horse penis probably made me worse, if anything.  Those poor mares.

Thanks for piping in there. I would think an aroused male horse could be somewhat stimulating in some weird sense. Aroused female sheep have a similar effect on me.

/NTTATWWT.

As long as it's not dead dogs outside of day care centers, we're golden.


That was the very first story I ever read on Fark.....how sick is it that that I have been a darker ever since??
 
2012-12-28 08:50:05 PM
Kenneth Pinyan approves...
 
2012-12-28 08:50:11 PM

HindiDiscoMonster: sweet-daddy-2: HindiDiscoMonster: orbister: AirForceVet: Aroused female sheep have a similar effect on me.

How can you tell a female sheep is aroused? Do they flare their nostrils or something?

/innocent city dweller

that is a good question..... any scottish farkers wanna pipe in on this?

It's a good sign she's ready for foreplay when she pulls the wool over your eyes.
And yes,I have a good deal of Scotch in my blood.

ach is féidir leat imirt na píopaí?


Glenfiddich.
 
2012-12-28 08:53:21 PM

Somacandra: AirForceVet: Lumpmoose: Er, TFA said you would "stroke horses".  I think subby let his imagination run a little wild there.

Nope, Subby didn't. You need to read the article.

Here is the original article TFA links to. Nothing about masturbating horses. Now it should be said that there are animal breeding facilities where people do in fact masturbate horses for semen samples to ship away (there are exceptions in bestiality laws for these businesses). I used to date a woman (also a large animal vet tech) who worked there for a time. I felt a bit inadequate, and frankly her HJ technique was a lot rougher than I would have liked. She was pretty easygoing in general unless someone suggested she was sexually involved with horses....then all bets were off.

/csb


lol, so much room for interpretation here.
 
2012-12-28 08:54:37 PM

gingerjet: alcoda: I know. It's as if gay people only come from"sad" situations to these people. If that were really the case, then why did all those good christian homes get infected with the gay in the first place?

The only gay people these people are familiar with are those that do come from damaged upbringings and go to the wrong people to try to seek 'help'.  Its not the gay part that needs to be addressed - its dealing with the prior abusive experiences working toward living a stable life.


What you did there... I saw it.
 
2012-12-28 08:55:01 PM

Keizer_Ghidorah: skinink: A horse is a horse of course of course,
Unless I have teh gay...
[4.bp.blogspot.com image 600x450]

Say "Equus" in person. Daniel Radcliffe has a hot body, sexy ass,average but nice penis, and a good-sized pair of nuts.


Now I am going to see Harry Potter naked every time I watch the movies. Damn you. 😱
 
2012-12-28 08:59:54 PM
My neighbor used to be a thoroughbred horse cock washer.  Apparently, horses are whores, and when it comes to breeding them, the cock washer is called and equine venereal disease is less a threat.
 
2012-12-28 09:01:33 PM
I'm a bit surprised to be the first one in with this:
img5.visualizeus.com
 
2012-12-28 09:01:33 PM

Tsar_Bomba1: Kenneth Pinyan approves...


To threaten

Mr. President?

Please tell these farkers to stand down.
 
2012-12-28 09:03:15 PM

Guuberre: I'm a bit surprised to be the first one in with this:
[img5.visualizeus.com image 215x184]


To simulpost

P.S. Do you see the muscles?
 
2012-12-28 09:10:27 PM
i1164.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-28 09:11:02 PM

bobbette: I tell you what, does this ever sound heterosexual: a single-sex camp-style environment with repression, displays of manliness, and cowboy denim and leather during the day, then showering and sleeping in barracks at night. No girls allowed... just lots of manly men who definitely aren't desperate for cock.

Now fellas, on your knees... that's where Jesus likes you.


Sounds like a Marine boot camp. Another place full of manly men who REALLY AREN'T GAY GODDAMN IT!
 
2012-12-28 09:15:35 PM

Gyrfalcon: bobbette: I tell you what, does this ever sound heterosexual: a single-sex camp-style environment with repression, displays of manliness, and cowboy denim and leather during the day, then showering and sleeping in barracks at night. No girls allowed... just lots of manly men who definitely aren't desperate for cock.

Now fellas, on your knees... that's where Jesus likes you.

Sounds like a Marine boot camp. Another place full of manly men who REALLY AREN'T GAY GODDAMN IT!


Cute, but I'm actually straight.
 
2012-12-28 09:16:33 PM
I dont clai, to know the best cure for teh ghey,bit i,m pretty sure stroking giant horse cawk aint it
 
2012-12-28 09:20:22 PM

ElBarto79: "When you were little, you were interested in "girl things" like...learning."

Ah Wonkette, never lets by an opportunity for some subtle male sexism.


You may be right, but to play Devil's Advocate, it's possible Wonkette was characterizing the people behind this anti-gay therapy.  Generally speaking, homophobes both hate it when men or boys do "girl things" AND characterize things such as education and reading as "girl things."
 
2012-12-28 09:20:47 PM
i1125.photobucket.com

/I felt that this was appropriate.
//Yes, I'm off my meds.
///I know that the voices in my head aren't real, but they say the coolest things.
 
2012-12-28 09:21:59 PM

Somacandra: AirForceVet: Lumpmoose: Er, TFA said you would "stroke horses".  I think subby let his imagination run a little wild there.

Nope, Subby didn't. You need to read the article.

Here is the original article TFA links to. Nothing about masturbating horses. Now it should be said that there are animal breeding facilities where people do in fact masturbate horses for semen samples to ship away (there are exceptions in bestiality laws for these businesses). I used to date a woman (also a large animal vet tech) who worked there for a time. I felt a bit inadequate, and frankly her HJ technique was a lot rougher than I would have liked. She was pretty easygoing in general unless someone suggested she was sexually involved with horses....then all bets were off.

/csb


WHAT the HORSEfark am i reading
 
2012-12-28 09:23:20 PM
www.wipwapweb.com

That wasn't the horse fetish costume I was looking for but it's a start.
 
2012-12-28 09:23:22 PM

Fark Rye For Many Whores: Somacandra: AirForceVet: Lumpmoose: Er, TFA said you would "stroke horses".  I think subby let his imagination run a little wild there.

Nope, Subby didn't. You need to read the article.

Here is the original article TFA links to. Nothing about masturbating horses. Now it should be said that there are animal breeding facilities where people do in fact masturbate horses for semen samples to ship away (there are exceptions in bestiality laws for these businesses). I used to date a woman (also a large animal vet tech) who worked there for a time. I felt a bit inadequate, and frankly her HJ technique was a lot rougher than I would have liked. She was pretty easygoing in general unless someone suggested she was sexually involved with horses....then all bets were off.

/csb

WHAT the HORSEfark am i reading


While we're posting weird sh*t...

i.chzbgr.com
 
2012-12-28 09:25:43 PM

jtown: [www.wipwapweb.com image 395x600]

That wasn't the horse fetish costume I was looking for but it's a start.


Avant Garde Gangnum
 
2012-12-28 09:25:47 PM

Indubitably: Gyrfalcon: bobbette: I tell you what, does this ever sound heterosexual: a single-sex camp-style environment with repression, displays of manliness, and cowboy denim and leather during the day, then showering and sleeping in barracks at night. No girls allowed... just lots of manly men who definitely aren't desperate for cock.

Now fellas, on your knees... that's where Jesus likes you.

Sounds like a Marine boot camp. Another place full of manly men who REALLY AREN'T GAY GODDAMN IT!

Cute, but I'm actually straight.


Well I figured YOU were, the way you keep hitting on me, you horny fool. ;)

Didn't know you were a leatherneck, I love me a jarhead.
 
2012-12-28 09:25:50 PM

Fark Rye For Many Whores: Somacandra: AirForceVet: Lumpmoose: Er, TFA said you would "stroke horses".  I think subby let his imagination run a little wild there.

Nope, Subby didn't. You need to read the article.

Here is the original article TFA links to. Nothing about masturbating horses. Now it should be said that there are animal breeding facilities where people do in fact masturbate horses for semen samples to ship away (there are exceptions in bestiality laws for these businesses). I used to date a woman (also a large animal vet tech) who worked there for a time. I felt a bit inadequate, and frankly her HJ technique was a lot rougher than I would have liked. She was pretty easygoing in general unless someone suggested she was sexually involved with horses....then all bets were off.

/csb

WHAT the HORSEfark am i reading


The issue is the gf's vocation. You get the best handies from nurses and teachers! Want a rimming on the first date? Try a waitress. I thought this was common knowledge.
 
2012-12-28 09:26:00 PM
previews.agefotostock.com

♫ I'm gonna' wash that gay right outta' my hair ♫
 
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