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(Jezebel)   Nick Stahl appears just long enough to masturbate in public   (jezebel.com) divider line 51
    More: Weird, Nick Stahl, human beings, Katt Williams, Will & Grace, Fred Willard, Nick Lachey, Kate Winslet, Amber Heard  
•       •       •

6059 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 28 Dec 2012 at 2:23 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-28 01:57:28 PM  
for jerking off in the private booth of a porn store in Hollywood.

Isn't that the point of a private booth in a porn store? Man, have I been doing it wrong.
 
2012-12-28 02:09:48 PM  
So he pulled a Pee Wee Herman.
 
2012-12-28 02:18:49 PM  
Up in these parts, there are two things that happen in those booths: Jerking off and shooting up. I used to do security for a few porn shops, and there is nothing more pathetic than getting a call from the Jizz-Mopper that they have a passed-out junkie on the floor of one of their booths, pants around their ankles and junk still in hand. Well, there is one thing more pathetic than that: When said passed-out junkie has shiat themselves, too.

BTW, Jizz-Mopper is probably the worst job on the planet. I can think of nothing that is more soul-crushing than that.
 
2012-12-28 02:27:36 PM  
BRING BACK CARNIVALE
 
2012-12-28 02:27:46 PM  

texdent: So he pulled a Pee Wee Herman.


No, he pulled his pud
 
2012-12-28 02:28:31 PM  

texdent: So he pulled a Pee Wee Herman.


Get with the times. He pulled a Fred Willard.
 
2012-12-28 02:30:01 PM  
When masturbating is outlawed, only outlaws will masturbate.

/public enemy #1
 
2012-12-28 02:31:10 PM  

MmmmBacon: Up in these parts, there are two things that happen in those booths: Jerking off and shooting up. I used to do security for a few porn shops, and there is nothing more pathetic than getting a call from the Jizz-Mopper that they have a passed-out junkie on the floor of one of their booths, pants around their ankles and junk still in hand. Well, there is one thing more pathetic than that: When said passed-out junkie has shiat themselves, too.

BTW, Jizz-Mopper is probably the worst job on the planet. I can think of nothing that is more soul-crushing than that.



Yes, but do you know how much the average jizz mopper makes per hour?
 
2012-12-28 02:32:33 PM  

The Downfall: BRING BACK CARNIVALE


This never would have happened if it was still on the air!
 
2012-12-28 02:40:22 PM  

MmmmBacon: BTW, Jizz-Mopper is probably the worst job on the planet. I can think of nothing that is more soul-crushing than that.


Assistant Jizz-Mopper ?
 
2012-12-28 02:42:00 PM  
It's embarrasing getting caught. Moreso when shopping for an urn.
 
2012-12-28 02:46:38 PM  

The Downfall: BRING BACK CARNIVALE


THIS^

/just watched the whole series again
//all 2 seasons
 
2012-12-28 02:47:26 PM  
Bet he wishes he was the man without a face now. The yellow bastard.
 
2012-12-28 02:48:39 PM  
There's a rogue cop on the loose busting celebrities in LA who have the nerve to jack off in a private booth at a porn store.

/what the hell else are they for?
//celebrities, I mean
 
2012-12-28 02:48:43 PM  
I'll simply repost this one...

img2u.info

Doesn't LAPD have anything better to do than to cruise adult bookstores?
 
2012-12-28 02:55:05 PM  
Jerking off in a public park, go ahead and arrest them.  Jerking off in a private booth built so that people could jerk off privately, stupid.
 
2012-12-28 03:00:39 PM  
Well, I'd suggest that the best way to avoid any serious damage to his career is to take the Pee Wee Herman/Fred Willard route and to laugh at yourself about the whole thing.

But then....what career?
 
2012-12-28 03:03:55 PM  
Dan Savage discussed the legality of beating off in bathroom stalls. He claimed that those locations have an assumption of privacy and thus it's not breaking the law. I would assume the same applies to those booths. Just cops over-stepping their authority in order to embarrass a celebrity.
 
2012-12-28 03:15:49 PM  
Is there a John Connor curse or something?

Edward Furlong (John in T2) lost his mind and tried to set lobsters free.

Nick Stahl (John in T3) gets caught whacking off

$10 says that Thomas Dekker (Sarah Connor Chronicles) goes nuts in 2013, followed by Christian Bale (Salvation) in 2014.
 
2012-12-28 03:18:50 PM  

CatfoodSpork: Dan Savage discussed the legality of beating off in bathroom stalls. He claimed that those locations have an assumption of privacy and thus it's not breaking the law. I would assume the same applies to those booths. Just cops over-stepping their authority in order to embarrass a celebrity.


I think it depends on the city. LA seems pretty dickish about it, but in Portland, OR the adult theaters are considered a place where the patrons have privacy, so you regularly see hot couples publicly farking in there with no interference from the law. Or so I'm told.
 
2012-12-28 03:20:48 PM  
I'd be more excited if it was Leslie Stahl.
 
2012-12-28 03:20:53 PM  
Nick Stahl appears just long enough to masturbate in public

How long does it have to be??
 
2012-12-28 03:21:59 PM  

FuryOfFirestorm: $10 says that Thomas Dekker (Sarah Connor Chronicles) goes nuts in 2013, followed by Christian Bale (Salvation) in 2014.


Christian Bale already went nuts filming Terminator: Salvation.
 
2012-12-28 03:22:45 PM  

TappingTheVein: MmmmBacon: BTW, Jizz-Mopper is probably the worst job on the planet. I can think of nothing that is more soul-crushing than that.

Assistant Jizz-Mopper ?


the guy who blows the assistant jizz mopper for money to buy crack?
 
2012-12-28 03:24:45 PM  
The fact that Fred Willard did not understand that there is free porn available at home, on the internet is understandable, he's old, but this guy? He's part of the internet generation. This just makes him stupid.
 
2012-12-28 03:25:54 PM  

gunga galunga: FuryOfFirestorm: $10 says that Thomas Dekker (Sarah Connor Chronicles) goes nuts in 2013, followed by Christian Bale (Salvation) in 2014.

Christian Bale already went nuts filming Terminator: Salvation.


OOOOOOHHHHHHH!! Gooooood for you!!!!
 
2012-12-28 03:32:03 PM  

CatfoodSpork: Dan Savage discussed the legality of beating off in bathroom stalls. He claimed that those locations have an assumption of privacy and thus it's not breaking the law. I would assume the same applies to those booths. Just cops over-stepping their authority in order to embarrass a celebrity.



Q: What's the difference between George Michael and a microwave?

A: A microwave stops when you open the door.
 
2012-12-28 03:35:42 PM  

ReapTheChaos: Jerking off in a public park, go ahead and arrest them.  Jerking off in a private booth built so that people could jerk off privately, stupid.


THIS
 
2012-12-28 03:38:54 PM  
better than appearing too short to masturbate.
 
2012-12-28 03:39:30 PM  

theesir: The fact that Fred Willard did not understand that there is free porn available at home, on the internet is understandable, he's old, but this guy? He's part of the internet generation. This just makes him stupid.


Sometimes you want some company when you jerk off.
 
2012-12-28 03:44:47 PM  
"So here are our masturbation booths. But I should warn you that you might be arrested for using them."
 
2012-12-28 03:53:34 PM  
It's a sting, the cop hangs around the porn shop and when someone asks them in the private booth to "help" they get get arrested for lewd conduct. You can be as lewd as you like in a private locked booth, but as soon as you make it a spectator sport thats when you can arrested for it. But I seriously dont understand the point of the sting myself. This cop has pissed someone off really bad that his job is to trawl porn stores until someone asks him to watch them masturbate
 
2012-12-28 03:58:53 PM  

Bob_Laublaw: Isn't that the point of a private booth in a porn store? Man, have I been doing it wrong.


It's a private booth...I thought it was assumed that people were jerking off in there.  Don't these cops have anything better to do?
 
2012-12-28 04:02:28 PM  

MmmmBacon: BTW, Jizz-Mopper is probably the worst job on the planet. I can think of nothing that is more soul-crushing than that.


doczoidberg: Yes, but do you know how much the average jizz mopper makes per hour?


RANDAL GRAVES
[reading a magazine] You know how much money the average jizz-mopper makes per hour?
DANTE HICKS
What's a jizz-mopper?
RANDAL GRAVES
He's the guy that cleans up the nudie booths after each guy jerks off.
DANTE HICKS
Nudie booth?
RANDAL GRAVES
Yeah, nudie booth. You've never been in a nudie booth?
DANTE HICKS
Guess not.
RANDAL GRAVES
Oh man, it's great. You go into this booth and there's this glass between you and these chicks, and they put on a show for you for like 10 bucks.
DANTE HICKS
What kind of a show?
RANDAL GRAVES
Think of the weirdest, craziest shiat you'd like to see chicks do. I mean, these chicks do it all. They insert things into any opening on their body - *any* opening.
DANTE HICKS
Can we not talk about this now?
RANDAL GRAVES
The jizz-mopper's job is to clean it up after each guy shoots a load, 'cause practically everybody does it right on the window. I don't know if you know this or not, but cum leaves streaks if you don't clean it right away.
 
2012-12-28 04:34:11 PM  
Look for the cancellation of his hit show "Nick Stahl's Playhouse" any minute now.
 
2012-12-28 04:50:38 PM  

slayer199: MmmmBacon: BTW, Jizz-Mopper is probably the worst job on the planet. I can think of nothing that is more soul-crushing than that.

doczoidberg: Yes, but do you know how much the average jizz mopper makes per hour?

RANDAL GRAVES
[reading a magazine] You know how much money the average jizz-mopper makes per hour?
DANTE HICKS
What's a jizz-mopper?
RANDAL GRAVES
He's the guy that cleans up the nudie booths after each guy jerks off.
DANTE HICKS
Nudie booth?
RANDAL GRAVES
Yeah, nudie booth. You've never been in a nudie booth?
DANTE HICKS
Guess not.
RANDAL GRAVES
Oh man, it's great. You go into this booth and there's this glass between you and these chicks, and they put on a show for you for like 10 bucks.
DANTE HICKS
What kind of a show?
RANDAL GRAVES
Think of the weirdest, craziest shiat you'd like to see chicks do. I mean, these chicks do it all. They insert things into any opening on their body - *any* opening.
DANTE HICKS
Can we not talk about this now?
RANDAL GRAVES
The jizz-mopper's job is to clean it up after each guy shoots a load, 'cause practically everybody does it right on the window. I don't know if you know this or not, but cum leaves streaks if you don't clean it right away.


I am offended. Using foul language in front of paying customers. You two should be fired.
 
2012-12-28 04:54:18 PM  

TappingTheVein: MmmmBacon: BTW, Jizz-Mopper is probably the worst job on the planet. I can think of nothing that is more soul-crushing than that.

Assistant Jizz-Mopper ?


Jizz-Mopper Trainee?
 
2012-12-28 04:56:12 PM  
I should feel safe, but I don't, so I jerk off the grid - on the phone, your dress, anything I can find.
 
2012-12-28 05:06:11 PM  

slayer199: Bob_Laublaw: Isn't that the point of a private booth in a porn store? Man, have I been doing it wrong.

It's a private booth...I thought it was assumed that people were jerking off in there.  Don't these cops have anything better to do?


It would be one thing if he were pounding off in the middle of the produce section of a Ralph's, but he was in a porno store.  I don't know about you, but I don't watch porn for its witty dialogue and complex plotting.
 
2012-12-28 05:06:19 PM  

The Downfall: BRING BACK CARNIVALE


Yes let me lose another 13 weeks waiting for something to farking happen! Bring back Deadwood
 
2012-12-28 05:28:26 PM  

doczoidberg: Yes, but do you know how much the average jizz mopper makes per hour?


Around 30 milliliters.
 
2012-12-28 05:46:45 PM  

slayer199: Bob_Laublaw: Isn't that the point of a private booth in a porn store? Man, have I been doing it wrong.

It's a private booth...I thought it was assumed that people were jerking off in there.  Don't these cops have anything better to do?


The ones here have paper-towel dispensers and an army of sketchy looking employees with rubber gloves and mops.

What the hell else are those booths for?
 
2012-12-28 05:49:25 PM  

puckrock2000: TappingTheVein: MmmmBacon: BTW, Jizz-Mopper is probably the worst job on the planet. I can think of nothing that is more soul-crushing than that.

Assistant Jizz-Mopper ?

Jizz-Mopper Trainee?


Assistant Jizz-Mopper Trainee Fluffer?
 
2012-12-28 05:58:32 PM  
Doesn't this guy got the internets at home?
 
2012-12-28 06:31:13 PM  
s12.postimage.org

well?
 
2012-12-28 06:39:32 PM  
images.cheezburger.com
 
2012-12-29 01:41:44 AM  

TappingTheVein: MmmmBacon: BTW, Jizz-Mopper is probably the worst job on the planet. I can think of nothing that is more soul-crushing than that.

Assistant Jizz-Mopper ?


Jizz Mopper Intern (Unpaid)
 
2012-12-29 07:41:00 AM  

AndoCommando: Doesn't this guy got the internets at home?


Based on what I've heard, you're probably hoping someone will come along and assist you in some way.  If you just want to fap, you're right, just stay home and fire up Youjizz.
 
2012-12-29 07:41:13 AM  

imagonyx123: TappingTheVein: MmmmBacon: BTW, Jizz-Mopper is probably the worst job on the planet. I can think of nothing that is more soul-crushing than that.

Assistant Jizz-Mopper ?

Jizz Mopper Intern (Unpaid)


Rejected Jizz Mopper Intern (Unpaid) Applicant
 
2012-12-29 09:02:39 AM  

gunga galunga: FuryOfFirestorm: $10 says that Thomas Dekker (Sarah Connor Chronicles) goes nuts in 2013, followed by Christian Bale (Salvation) in 2014.

Christian Bale already went nuts filming Terminator: Salvation.


Ohhh GOOD FOR YOU!!!
 
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