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(Jalopnik)   How to have sex in any kind of car, without asking your mom   (jalopnik.com) divider line 67
    More: Spiffy, VW Beetle, cars, Buick Skylark, public roads, In Time, mechanics, horse-drawn carriage  
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7611 clicks; posted to Geek » on 28 Dec 2012 at 1:05 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-28 10:17:30 AM  
Glad to see they covered the back of a Volkswagen.
 
2012-12-28 11:21:50 AM  
This reads as if it were written by a 15-yr old for the high school newspaper.
 
2012-12-28 11:29:56 AM  
TFA does not include handies, beejers.

/which are good anywhere
 
2012-12-28 11:32:51 AM  
Fornication Location Class 6: Convertibles, Roadsters, And Other Open Vehicles

When I was 19, I had a Fiat X-1/9.    Winter weather necessitated farking with the top up. 
It took some careful planning, but was definitely doable.
 
2012-12-28 11:34:53 AM  
img.gawkerassets.com

Ha ha, did that in high school ('68 Beetle), and I'm 6'1".
 
2012-12-28 12:10:55 PM  
The only time my parents ever had a minivan was when I was in high school.

That was convenient.
 
2012-12-28 01:08:11 PM  
Looks like they even show how to do it in an uncomfort...

optimistic_cynic: Glad to see they covered the back of a Volkswagen.


Damn you!
 
2012-12-28 01:13:50 PM  
I drove a '73 Pinto hatchback in high school, but I never got laid in it.
I always wondered why. Why???
 
2012-12-28 01:16:21 PM  

old_toole: I drove a '73 Pinto hatchback in high school, but I never got laid in it.
I always wondered why. Why???


Probably for the same reasons I didn't get laid in my '80 Chevette back in high school.
 
2012-12-28 01:22:54 PM  

bronyaur1: This reads as if it were written by a 15-yr old for the high school newspaper.


At least they provided pictures. I larfed a bit at the minivan one.
 
2012-12-28 01:23:27 PM  
This would have been useful about ten years ago.

/Tempos are not roomy
 
2012-12-28 01:24:42 PM  
How to have sex in any kind of car, without asking your mom

Subby, most of us don't ask our mom to come have sex in the car. That's just weird.

/unless your mom's a MILF
//and you're adopted
//then it's cool, right?
 
2012-12-28 01:26:52 PM  
I drove a pickup. Doesn't get much worse than the cab. Doesn't get much better than the bed. Always keep a sleeping bag behind the seat.
 
2012-12-28 01:34:05 PM  
Beej in the front of my 74 Superbeetle. Then outside on the grass on a sleeping bag for serious farking. Obviously doesn't work for winter.
 
2012-12-28 01:35:45 PM  
One time, when I was in high school, a deputy sheriff caught me and the girlfriend going at it in the front seat of my car.
As he was shining the flashlight on our naked asses, he said: "Boy... I hope you know I'm next."
I looked back at him and said: "Cool. I never farked a cop before."

/Try the veal...
 
2012-12-28 01:48:51 PM  
This is for short people, right!?! I'm six foot and farking in a VW Rabbit caused all kinds of muscles to cramp; and not in a good way.
 
2012-12-28 01:59:54 PM  

Moroning: This is for short people, right!?! I'm six foot and farking in a VW Rabbit caused all kinds of muscles to cramp; and not in a good way.


6' 4" and managed the back seat of an SL1. You got to want it.
 
2012-12-28 02:00:49 PM  
86 Ford Escort GT, 88 Pontiac Grand Prix, 95 Ford Escort LX, all cars were two door. Anything is possible when you're young lol.
 
2012-12-28 02:01:56 PM  
Good luck with that.
www.pappasontaxes.com
 
2012-12-28 02:06:05 PM  
In high school, I had sex with my girlfriend in the front seat of a Ford Escort.  There's no freaking way I could have sex in my new car (2013 Mini Cooper JCW Coupe):

i2.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-28 02:22:35 PM  
I had an 88 Dodge Caravan as my first vehicle.

I guess that's all I really need to say here.

Heh heh.
 
2012-12-28 02:28:25 PM  
We needed an article about this? Holy crap, if I had a nickel for every time I had sex in a car, I'd be... well, not rich, but it would still be a lot of money. Heck, I'm pretty tall and one woman I dated was 5'10", and the majority of times we had sex was in the car.

I remember one time, just a few weeks after I had started dating a girl, she and I were making out in her Honda Civic, and all of a sudden, it got very bright. The cops noticed us and came by to see what was going on. (It's a good thing they didn't come by a few minutes later, because she would have been topless.) They made both of us get out of the car, and questioned us separately, apparently trying to figure out if this was a rape scene, or just a couple of kids making out. They finally let us go, but I would have thought their attitude would have changed, once they found out nothing was wrong.

When we told one of my girlfriend's friends the next day, she suggested my girlfriend should have told the cops "He raped me 17 times, sir, and I enjoyed every minute of it."
 
2012-12-28 02:29:09 PM  
At my old job since I was asst fleet manager I had access to all types of cars so it was fun to do it in different cars. The mini vans had some great space to move around in. For extra privacy the parking garage was there. Only got caught a few times by friends. The meeting rooms were as defiled.
 
2012-12-28 02:32:09 PM  
Had a threesome in the back of my old Mazda B2000 pickup truck (with a cap).... although I had brought plenty of blankets, cushions, and pillows for the occasion. We parked in the middle of a cul de sac where some big houses were under construction. Nobody bothered us and a good time was had by all.

Eighteen years later and I'm still friends with one of those girls. :D
 
2012-12-28 02:45:59 PM  

slayer199: In high school, I had sex with my girlfriend in the front seat of a Ford Escort.  There's no freaking way I could have sex in my new car (2013 Mini Cooper JCW Coupe):

[i2.photobucket.com image 850x637]


Wife and I are fairly sure we conceived our first kid in the back seat of her 1991 Escort GT.
 
2012-12-28 02:54:15 PM  
It's pretty easy when you are alone in the car.

/keeping an eye on the local daycare center right now
 
2012-12-28 03:09:02 PM  

LesserEvil: It's pretty easy when you are alone in the car.

/keeping an eye on the local daycare center right now


At least there are no dead dogs involved.
 
2012-12-28 03:10:33 PM  

slayer199: In high school, I had sex with my girlfriend in the front seat of a Ford Escort.  There's no freaking way I could have sex in my new car (2013 Mini Cooper JCW Coupe):

[i2.photobucket.com image 850x637]


All she has to do is recline the passenger seat. Then you climb aboard and get to work.
 
2012-12-28 03:20:52 PM  
If you need to read an article to figure out how to have sex in a car then you probably shouldn't be having sex at all.
 
2012-12-28 03:32:06 PM  

rufus-t-firefly: slayer199: In high school, I had sex with my girlfriend in the front seat of a Ford Escort.  There's no freaking way I could have sex in my new car (2013 Mini Cooper JCW Coupe):

[i2.photobucket.com image 850x637]

All she has to do is recline the passenger seat. Then you climb aboard and get to work.


Have you spent any time in a new MINI?

I came here to say what slayer199 said. Aint gonna happen. (2006 MINI S JCW)
 
2012-12-28 03:36:48 PM  

Uchiha_Cycliste: LesserEvil: It's pretty easy when you are alone in the car.

/keeping an eye on the local daycare center right now

At least there are no dead dogs involved.


This time.
 
2012-12-28 03:52:24 PM  

Dadoo: When we told one of my girlfriend's friends the next day, she suggested my girlfriend should have told the cops "He raped me 17 times, sir, and I enjoyed every minute of it."


Your girldfriend's friend is a farking moron and you should never ever attempt to cross a national border with her in the same vehicle.
 
2012-12-28 03:54:48 PM  

dionysusaur: Uchiha_Cycliste: LesserEvil: It's pretty easy when you are alone in the car.

/keeping an eye on the local daycare center right now

At least there are no dead dogs involved.

This time.


where IS |X| jim |X|? this seems like his sort of thread.
 
2012-12-28 04:05:48 PM  

MooseKiller: I came here to say what slayer199 said. Aint gonna happen. (2006 MINI S JCW)


I guess there's another point to consider.  I'm at an age where I have my own place and my girlfriend has her own place...we don't NEED to have sex in a car...we can have sex in every room in the house!  Car sex is for those times when you don't have a place to have sex...
 
2012-12-28 04:45:11 PM  
I got 5 acres in the middle of nowhere.
Told my last gilrfr. to dress up like a prom date and I got duded up and we wnet parking behind the house.
Ended up in the car, then on the lawn, then in the house.
then I needed liquids.
 
2012-12-28 05:09:29 PM  
Anybody else read that as how to have sex with any car? No, I guess it was just me.
 
2012-12-28 05:11:54 PM  
If you do this, please, please, please take your sanitary wipes, your used condoms, and other stuff with you.

On numerous occasions I have had to clean this stuff up in my parking lot, and that alone makes me hate everyone who tries to do it, and call the police on them. They had to ruin it for everybody.

In a previous FARK thread though I did post a picture I took of the couple when I knocked on their window, and asked them to leave...
 
2012-12-28 05:17:44 PM  

Slaves2Darkness: Anybody else read that as how to have sex with any car? No, I guess it was just me.


This guy did.
www.virginmedia.com
 
2012-12-28 05:18:32 PM  

Slaves2Darkness: Anybody else read that as how to have sex with any car? No, I guess it was just me.


Giggity?

Edward Smith never takes his girlfriend to expensive restaurants, or showers her with chocolates, flowers, or sexy lingerie - instead, a trip to the gas station and a nice bath are enough to keep her purring.

She also isn't bothered by his promiscuity. He's bedded, by his own account, 999 others.

Smith has taken man's romance with the automobile to a whole new level, and he claims his attachments to his metal, leather-upholstered companions are far from platonic.

The 57-year-old Washington state native first had sex with a car at age 15, and says he has never been sexually attracted to people, female or male. And he feels no need to change.

"I'm not sick and I don't want to hurt anyone. Cars are just my preference," he told British newspaper the Telegraph.

His current flame is a Volkswagen Beetle that's he's named Vanilla, and considering a typical woman's reaction to Smith's spreading himself around, she's very low maintenance (not counting trips to the mechanic or pricey imported auto parts).

And there have been many others. A 1973 Opal GT named Cinnamon, a 1993 Ford Ranger Splash he called Ginger, and Victoria, a 1969 Beetle he bought from a family of Jehovah's Witnesses.

 
2012-12-28 05:23:29 PM  

Eddie Adams from Torrance: Fornication Location Class 6: Convertibles, Roadsters, And Other Open Vehicles

When I was 19, I had a Fiat X-1/9.    Winter weather necessitated farking with the top up.
It took some careful planning, but was definitely doable.


How in the world did you pull that off? Those seats don't recline do they?

I had a Fiat Spyder 2000 in HS. I'm 6'4" and managed to pull it off with the top up only because I could recline the seats all the way back.

/Good times
 
2012-12-28 06:31:58 PM  
I can't get to this article and many others, has anyone heard of any problem with any of the main paths on the internet going down? Maybe it's just my Verizon connection?
 
2012-12-28 06:39:03 PM  

slayer199: I could have sex in my new car (2013 Mini Cooper JCW Coupe):


Oh sure you can. If you can't get it up, the suspension is hard enough for both of you!

I keed.

How do you like it?
 
2012-12-28 06:44:26 PM  
Farking in a car wasn't really a challenge for me. There used to be a nice secluded spot in the edge of some woods near where I lived at the time. No one ever went through there, so getting caught was never an issue. The only issue I had was trying to get to business in a Focus. Many cramps were had...
 
2012-12-28 08:05:22 PM  
Let's talk to an expert.

P J O'Rourke
 
2012-12-28 08:47:17 PM  
 
2012-12-28 09:07:18 PM  
Best one was the 1962 Rambler American with the fully reclining seats.
 
2012-12-28 09:27:16 PM  
...see the key is when you're having your girlfriend riding astride while you're driving down the highway...

is NOT that you can't see...that can be worked around

but...it's making sure when you cum, not to put your foot down TOO hard on the accelerator.
 
2012-12-28 09:31:18 PM  
Best car I had for having sex in: 85 Grand National, plenty of room. But I had better sex in the front seat of my PT Cruiser. I guess it depends on the partner.
 
2012-12-28 10:06:24 PM  
Years ago me and the ex were having sex in the car, it was the middle of the night and we were at the lake with not a soul in sight.  All of a sudden I see some pervert crouched down beside the car peeking in the window.  They were tinted so he had his hands cupped against them trying to see in.

Well I jumped back in my seat, pulled up my pants, started the car and drove off.  About 50 feet away there was a cop car parked in the road with its lights off.  I stopped and looked in the mirror and this dude is running after us waving a flashlight.  The damn pervert was a farking cop!

I rolled down the window and he claimed that he was checking to see if we were "doing drugs" because it's a known hangout for drug users.  Right.

Since when do cops not pull right up to you with all their lights on if they suspect something like that going on?
 
2012-12-28 10:24:56 PM  
I have too much class to fark some slut in the car and I make enough to get a hotel room.  Besides, my car is a Miata.  I don't care what the article said, it can't be done.
 
2012-12-28 10:26:10 PM  

old_toole: I drove a '73 Pinto hatchback in high school, but I never got laid in it.
I always wondered why. Why???


I had a '72 Pinto in high school.  Yes, you can get laid in it.  Put the front seats forward and push her against the back of the seat.
 
2012-12-28 10:26:53 PM  
Yes, at one time I would fark any slut in my car.  I was a teenager.  I would fark anyone, anytime, anywhere because I was a teenager.
 
2012-12-28 10:51:58 PM  
6'0", '91 Geo Storm. [√]
 
2012-12-28 10:58:25 PM  

OgreMagi: I have too much class to fark some slut in the car and I make enough to get a hotel room.  Besides, my car is a Miata.  I don't care what the article said, it can't be done.


It can - you sit on the console, she squats astride with hands on roll bar or windscreen - top down, of course.
 
2012-12-28 10:59:24 PM  

Boojum2k: I guess it depends on the partner.


It ALWAYS depends on partner - back seat of a '90-something Delta88
 
2012-12-28 11:08:52 PM  

dionysusaur: Boojum2k: I guess it depends on the partner.

It ALWAYS depends on partner - back seat of a '90-something Delta88


Truth. With the GN I was getting young ladies with a taste for speed and little experience. Fun but meh.
That first time (and several times thereafter) in the PT though, single mom, looked like a hot Rosie the Riveter, well damn. . .
/good times
 
2012-12-29 12:03:01 AM  
I told Mrs. Simusid that my new Z4 was not officially a "mid life crisis car" until we had sex in it.
It is not a mid life crisis car.
 
2012-12-29 02:41:27 AM  

The Muthaship: How do you like it?


Love it.  It's the most fun I've ever had driving a car.
 
2012-12-29 09:40:05 AM  

Boojum2k: dionysusaur: Boojum2k: I guess it depends on the partner.

It ALWAYS depends on partner - back seat of a '90-something Delta88

Truth. With the GN I was getting young ladies with a taste for speed and little experience. Fun but meh.
That first time (and several times thereafter) in the PT though, single mom, looked like a hot Rosie the Riveter, well damn. . .
/good times


We were both grown-ups taking nooners where and when we could. So good I married her.
 
2012-12-29 05:22:29 PM  

rogue49: ...see the key is when you're having your girlfriend riding astride while you're driving down the highway...

is NOT that you can't see...that can be worked around

but...it's making sure when you cum, not to put your foot down TOO hard on the accelerator.


Lol, I could just see the conversation now:

Cop: So, why were you going 90 in a 60 zone?

Farker: Ummm...I sneezed...alot... yeah, thats it. No farking going on here...promise. ::zips up pants::

Cop: O.o
 
2012-12-29 06:37:24 PM  
Pfft, I drove a '70s Ford LTD ex cop car, If its in the Kama Sutra you had room for it in that car
 
2012-12-29 08:14:19 PM  
OgreMagi: .  Besides, my car is a Miata.  I don't care what the article said, it can't be done.

Have you ever tried a midget or a gymnist? because I think they could prove your statement wrong
 
2012-12-29 08:19:31 PM  

Oldiron_79: OgreMagi: .  Besides, my car is a Miata.  I don't care what the article said, it can't be done.

Have you ever tried a midget or a gymnist? because I think they could prove your statement wrong


Get me a gymnist and I will test your theory.
 
2012-12-29 08:34:30 PM  
OgreMagi: Oldiron_79: OgreMagi: .  Besides, my car is a Miata.  I don't care what the article said, it can't be done.

Have you ever tried a midget or a gymnist? because I think they could prove your statement wrong

Get me a gymnist and I will test your theory.


LOL ok you got me, I don't have a gymnist laying around ready to fark people at my command so I can't take you up on that offer.

Also welcome to my favs list.
 
2012-12-29 11:09:46 PM  
My s-10 blazer just had a way of convincing girls to get naked. That truck was so awesome.

Hmm, I know what I'll be thinking about while clubbing the baby seal tonight.
 
2012-12-30 02:02:32 AM  

stonelotus: how short thy memory oh Internet.


I see your Haynes Carma Sutra, and raise you some Damaskas, 1979-style.

There are other things that we can do,
But only if you're tired of getting scr-atched (yeah, people couldn't even say "screwed" on the radio back then.)
Honk the horn real good,
And you'll wake the neighborhood,
And they'll have a marvelous view,
Making love in a Subaru, my friend,
Making love in a Subaru!
 
2012-12-31 04:51:57 PM  
How would you have sex in a Hot Wheels car?

Seriously (not actually) here is a very rude Aussie song about the very activity mentioned in this thread.

For newbies to the Aussie slang, rooting = farking, ute = pickup truck

Check out Kevin Bloody Wilson's other Youtube songs, they are awesome! (but not for your Aunty Ethel)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMEj8Tc_SmY
 
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