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(io9)   Do you like porn? And science fiction? Here are the greatest science fiction porn movies OF ALL TIME (Not safe for work)   (io9.com) divider line 100
    More: Cool, yaks, porn movies, Rocky Horror, Dr. Strangelove, Archie Bunker, Craig T. Nelson, Chinese leaders, grindhouse  
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14311 clicks; posted to Geek » on 28 Dec 2012 at 4:09 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
 
2012-12-27 11:58:09 PM
You could probably include this one since it involves a sort of dream/fantasy reading technology:

www.classicpornbox.com
 
2012-12-28 12:02:13 AM
Would Cherry 3000 be considered for this list? How about The Handmaid's Tale?
 
2012-12-28 12:17:11 AM
DNRTA but I presume Flesh Gordon is #1?
 
2012-12-28 12:19:30 AM

Apos: DNRTA but I presume Flesh Gordon is #1?


List is chronological, not in order of preference, but it does make an appearance.
 
2012-12-28 12:28:51 AM
I'll check back later when some enterprising farker has posted links to clips found on porn sites
 
2012-12-28 12:56:53 AM
FFS... I rented Star Virgin when VCRs were relatively new

/I'd say get off my lawn, but it's been waxed
 
2012-12-28 02:04:52 AM
Given clips aren't so NSFW as I like, particularly Edward Penishands. Disappointed I am.
 
2012-12-28 02:05:07 AM
MaudlinMutantMollusk:
/I'd say get off my lawn, but it's been waxed

Oooooh, that's such a good idea.  I wonder how far those whipper-snappers would slide if I waxed the whole front lawn.  How many cameras do you think ya need to get all the good comedy footage?  Man, the wife is gonna be so confused when she sees this rig.
 
2012-12-28 02:07:53 AM
Yes, feel free to read my comment in your best "dirty old man in rain coat" drooly voice.
 
2012-12-28 02:51:53 AM
May I just say "Barbarella" was a waste of celluloid?
 
2012-12-28 02:54:03 AM

gopher321: May I just say "Barbarella" was a waste of celluloid?


You may-and you're correct. It's so appalling that it doesn't even fall into the "it's so bad, it's good" category.
 
2012-12-28 02:55:11 AM

RedPhoenix122: Apos: DNRTA but I presume Flesh Gordon is #1?

List is chronological, not in order of preference, but it does make an appearance.



Duly noted.
 
2012-12-28 03:00:18 AM
Oh man.

I was living in Germany when The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik-Yak came on late-night TV. Most German channels turn into soft-core porn after 10pm, and it was so farking weird I was calling my friends up, "dude, put it on RTL Zwei!"

I've been dying to know just what the hell I had watched for years.

Thanks, Fark!
 
2012-12-28 03:10:12 AM
farm7.staticflickr.com
 
2012-12-28 03:55:29 AM

Sgt Otter: Oh man.

I was living in Germany when The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik-Yak came on late-night TV. Most German channels turn into soft-core porn after 10pm, and it was so farking weird I was calling my friends up, "dude, put it on RTL Zwei!"

I've been dying to know just what the hell I had watched for years.

Thanks, Fark!



Tawny Kitaen: Another reason the '80s were awesome
 
DGK
2012-12-28 04:28:36 AM

calbert: [farm7.staticflickr.com image 242x388]


Dude that was classic. I remember watching that movie so many times I wore my VHS copy out.
 
2012-12-28 04:33:35 AM

Apos: DNRTA but I presume Flesh Gordon is #1?


With Flexie Jerk-off as the scientist.
/saw it at a drive-in.
 
2012-12-28 04:44:11 AM
Spermula is my favorite on that list. I killed a lot of kittens because of Dayle Haddon, who also was an early SI Swimsuit model.
 
2012-12-28 04:55:26 AM
Sci-fi thread. Can anyone recommend some new book/authors for me? Preferably in the vein of the early Heinlein 'juveniles' (Time for the Stars, Have Spacesuit etc) before he started letting his perversions take center stage? Difficulty:no tiresome war stories, super nerd authors living vicariously through their sex scenes or canadian authors who feel compelled to mention how progressive they are in social matters. Also no robots as main characters. Hell, I guess that limits me to pre-1960's stuff, but anyhow.

Time travel is all good, though.
 
2012-12-28 05:01:13 AM
"...starring then-Playboy Playmate of the Year Dorothy Stratten before her husband murdered her."

Putting her in the movie afterward would be in poor taste.
 
2012-12-28 05:05:42 AM
Galaxina was very very strange.
 
2012-12-28 05:21:04 AM

robohobo: Sci-fi thread. Can anyone recommend some new book/authors for me? Preferably in the vein of the early Heinlein 'juveniles' (Time for the Stars, Have Spacesuit etc) before he started letting his perversions take center stage? Difficulty:no tiresome war stories, super nerd authors living vicariously through their sex scenes or canadian authors who feel compelled to mention how progressive they are in social matters. Also no robots as main characters. Hell, I guess that limits me to pre-1960's stuff, but anyhow.

Time travel is all good, though.


Citizen of the Galaxy
Farmer in the Sky
Red Planet
Tunnel in the Sky
Between Planets

My favorites in that order.
 
Skr
2012-12-28 05:21:07 AM
Heh I see Zardoz made its way into the comments over there.

The gun is good. The penis is evil.


I'm going to have to check out some of these flicks over the long weekend. The synopses are highly amusing and the ladies look pleasantly more natural than today's studio fare (amateur stuff gives off a similar natural if less themed feel.)
 
2012-12-28 05:25:11 AM
List fails without Plan 69 From Outer Space.

Also, in the fantasy spoof genre, Throbin Hood: Prince of Beaves, was amazing, and hilarious.
 
2012-12-28 05:43:00 AM
List fails without:
i43.tinypic.com
 
2012-12-28 05:53:01 AM
Porno's have storylines?
 
2012-12-28 06:02:10 AM

Podmore: I'll check back later when some enterprising farker has posted links to clips found on porn sites


Well, okay...surprised they had the full version!

http://xhamster.com/movies/1196124/flesh_gordon_softcore_1974.html

Do I really need to say NSFW.
 
2012-12-28 06:09:46 AM
Good times... Good times.


Back when I was working empornium we had a well seeded torrent with most of these in it, call Sci-Fi Fantasies.

I wonder if I still have that d/l somewhere...

/I still think that From Beyond was hot.. but in a "what if" kinda way...

//Eating brains.. not so hawt.
 
2012-12-28 06:11:28 AM

Ed Grubermann: List fails without:


First one I thought of...

Wasn't too bad.
 
2012-12-28 06:49:40 AM

Ed Grubermann: List fails without:
[i43.tinypic.com image 414x587]


I can't read that poster so I can only assume it stars Colin Firth, Patrick Stewart, Lucille Ball, and Brian May.
 
2012-12-28 06:51:10 AM
what does it say that I own more that 3 of the movies on the list?
sigh
 
2012-12-28 07:09:04 AM
Porn Movies

www.thewhirlingwind.com
 
2012-12-28 07:19:06 AM

The All-Powerful Atheismo: Ed Grubermann: List fails without:
[i43.tinypic.com image 414x587]

I can't read that poster so I can only assume it stars Colin Firth, Patrick Stewart, Lucille Ball, and Brian May.


Ya know, I'd rather enjoy some Lucy porn from the 1940's. And the title would be so easy to come up with.
 
2012-12-28 07:30:10 AM
Roller Babies. Holy crap, I hasn't remembered that movie in years. Good times.
 
2012-12-28 07:41:53 AM

Ed Grubermann: List fails without:


Is that the one with the naked space vampires? I was trying to remember what the title is.
 
2012-12-28 07:48:32 AM
God, I hate porn with a plot. Any kind of plot, story, characters...anything that isn't sex. The less anyone speaks the better.
 
2012-12-28 07:49:26 AM

Arkanaut: Ed Grubermann: List fails without:

Is that the one with the naked space vampires? I was trying to remember what the title is.


Yep. And Patrick Stewart pre-Star Trek but post-Dune.
 
2012-12-28 07:53:00 AM

Ed Grubermann: List fails without:
[i43.tinypic.com image 414x587]


My first foray into sci-porn. Flesh Gordon came after.
 
2012-12-28 08:02:12 AM

gadian: God, I hate porn with a plot. Any kind of plot, story, characters...anything that isn't sex. The less anyone speaks the better.


Oh my you stuck your penis in
me, that's such a turn on.
 
2012-12-28 08:04:52 AM
gopher321: May I just say "Barbarella" was a waste of celluloid?

Yup. A friend and I plotted for months how to rent it at the "video club" his parents were members of, and when we finally managed to rent it (along with "Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS") the double-feature was a disappointment the likes of which I wouldn't experience again until prom night.
 
2012-12-28 08:11:26 AM
I thought for sure Starship Troopers was going to be on that list.
 
2012-12-28 08:18:55 AM

RoxtarRyan: I thought for sure Starship Troopers was going to be on that list.


You're obviously an idiot.
 
2012-12-28 08:28:21 AM

Shadow Blasko: RoxtarRyan: I thought for sure Starship Troopers was going to be on that list.

You're obviously an idiot.


Sorry troll, too good of a mood today. :)
 
2012-12-28 08:41:41 AM
Drew Barrymore almost signed on for a Barbarella remake. She would have gotten all kinds of naked in that.
 
2012-12-28 08:43:37 AM

Barricaded Gunman: gopher321: May I just say "Barbarella" was a waste of celluloid?

Yup. A friend and I plotted for months how to rent it at the "video club" his parents were members of, and when we finally managed to rent it (along with "Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS") the double-feature was a disappointment the likes of which I wouldn't experience again until prom night.


There were a couple of things about that movie that were appealing, but it really is a lot like the old USA Up All Night movies where lots of sex is implied and everything is some sort of innuendo, but the movie never really shows anything.

I am not sure it couldn't get a pg-13 rating these days.
 
2012-12-28 08:46:46 AM
starship eros
any with Angelique Pettyjohn "The Gamesters of Triskelion" star trek . stalag 69--you have been warned.
 
2012-12-28 08:47:28 AM

Ed Grubermann: List fails without:
[i43.tinypic.com image 414x587]


Me and the wife call that movie "Captain Picard goes batshiat insane." We were randomly skipping around deciding if we wanted to watch that movie, and the first place we went was the scene where Patrick Stewart flips the fark out... we decided to watch it.
 
2012-12-28 08:48:28 AM

ReapTheChaos: Porno's have storylines?


They used to
 
2012-12-28 08:59:02 AM

RoxtarRyan: Shadow Blasko: RoxtarRyan: I thought for sure Starship Troopers was going to be on that list.

You're obviously an idiot.

Sorry troll, too good of a mood today. :)


I don't think I have ever been called a troll before. Neat.

I was serious though.

The list says pre-91. Starship Troopers came out in 1997.

Also, Dina Meyer's lovely breasts excluded, it doesn't even come close to porn. Not even close.

So yeah, maybe you are not an idiot.. but that post was idiotic.
 
2012-12-28 09:02:36 AM
Checked to make sure Cafe Flesh was on the list, and it is. That movie is just farked up.

/and unlike a lot of the movies on the list, is actual hardcore porn.
 
2012-12-28 09:16:31 AM

GameSprocket: Barricaded Gunman: gopher321: May I just say "Barbarella" was a waste of celluloid?

Yup. A friend and I plotted for months how to rent it at the "video club" his parents were members of, and when we finally managed to rent it (along with "Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS") the double-feature was a disappointment the likes of which I wouldn't experience again until prom night.

There were a couple of things about that movie that were appealing, but it really is a lot like the old USA Up All Night movies where lots of sex is implied and everything is some sort of innuendo, but the movie never really shows anything.

I am not sure it couldn't get a pg-13 rating these days.


Nah, there's just enough nudity and talk about sex to garner an R rating. Not enough nudity to make it watchable more than once though.

And the USA up all night movies were heavily edited. I remember seeing some of those flicks later on and seeing actual titties.
 
2012-12-28 09:28:05 AM

robohobo: Sci-fi thread. Can anyone recommend some new book/authors for me? Preferably in the vein of the early Heinlein 'juveniles' (Time for the Stars, Have Spacesuit etc) before he started letting his perversions take center stage? Difficulty:no tiresome war stories, super nerd authors living vicariously through their sex scenes or canadian authors who feel compelled to mention how progressive they are in social matters. Also no robots as main characters. Hell, I guess that limits me to pre-1960's stuff, but anyhow.

Time travel is all good, though.


Nathan Lowell - The Solar Clipper Series
Start with 'Quarter Share' fantastic series
 
2012-12-28 09:28:07 AM
is the star trek:TNG porn on there? Because as porn goes, it wasn't that bad.

/the costumes could have been fitted better. they LOOKED like cheap knock off costumes. Unacceptable. The Adam West era Batman porno NAILED the costumes.
 
2012-12-28 09:29:43 AM

Ed Grubermann: List fails without:


[Lifeforce.jpg]

ircimg.net

THESE.
 
2012-12-28 09:30:49 AM

robohobo: Sci-fi thread. Can anyone recommend some new book/authors for me? Preferably in the vein of the early Heinlein 'juveniles' (Time for the Stars, Have Spacesuit etc) before he started letting his perversions take center stage? Difficulty:no tiresome war stories, super nerd authors living vicariously through their sex scenes or canadian authors who feel compelled to mention how progressive they are in social matters. Also no robots as main characters. Hell, I guess that limits me to pre-1960's stuff, but anyhow.

Time travel is all good, though.


Book of the New Sun. by Gene Wolf.
 
2012-12-28 09:31:45 AM

robohobo: Sci-fi thread. Can anyone recommend some new book/authors for me? Preferably in the vein of the early Heinlein 'juveniles' (Time for the Stars, Have Spacesuit etc) before he started letting his perversions take center stage? Difficulty:no tiresome war stories, super nerd authors living vicariously through their sex scenes or canadian authors who feel compelled to mention how progressive they are in social matters. Also no robots as main characters. Hell, I guess that limits me to pre-1960's stuff, but anyhow.

Time travel is all good, though.


Ooooh, the Tripods series too.
 
2012-12-28 09:37:19 AM

GameSprocket: I am not sure it couldn't get a pg-13 rating these days.


She got naked in that movie. I haven't seen boobies in a PG-13 movie since Titanic. And that was only one boobie. One can extrapolate but still.

/there was the three boobie-d chick in the Total Recall but they were prosthetic ( I hope) so they don't count)
//why was there a three boobie-d chick when there were no mutants in that version?
 
ecl
2012-12-28 09:41:36 AM

Mugato: GameSprocket: I am not sure it couldn't get a pg-13 rating these days.

She got naked in that movie. I haven't seen boobies in a PG-13 movie since Titanic. And that was only one boobie. One can extrapolate but still.

/there was the three boobie-d chick in the Total Recall but they were prosthetic ( I hope) so they don't count)
//why was there a three boobie-d chick when there were no mutants in that version?


The same reason they take an elevator through the earths core...
 
2012-12-28 09:44:55 AM

Mugato: GameSprocket: I am not sure it couldn't get a pg-13 rating these days.

She got naked in that movie. I haven't seen boobies in a PG-13 movie since Titanic. And that was only one boobie. One can extrapolate but still.

/there was the three boobie-d chick in the Total Recall but they were prosthetic ( I hope) so they don't count)
//why was there a three boobie-d chick when there were no mutants in that version?


same reason the ugly chick in line said "two weeks". Homage to the original. no other reason.
 
2012-12-28 09:53:24 AM
FTFA: "Best bit: Durand Durand puts Barbarella into his sexomatic Excessive Machine..."


Come on, man.
 
2012-12-28 09:57:27 AM

RevCarter: robohobo: Sci-fi thread. Can anyone recommend some new book/authors for me? Preferably in the vein of the early Heinlein 'juveniles' (Time for the Stars, Have Spacesuit etc) before he started letting his perversions take center stage? Difficulty:no tiresome war stories, super nerd authors living vicariously through their sex scenes or canadian authors who feel compelled to mention how progressive they are in social matters. Also no robots as main characters. Hell, I guess that limits me to pre-1960's stuff, but anyhow.

Time travel is all good, though.

Book of the New Sun. by Gene Wolf.


His prose is annoyingly off in just a slight way. That it took me rereading the first 2 chapters a few times to get. The hang of it.
 
2012-12-28 10:03:50 AM

frepnog: same reason the ugly chick in line said "two weeks". Homage to the original. no other reason.


I just watched it for the first time last night, actually and there were a lot of wink-wink nods to the original, which just made me want to pop that out and watch the original.
 
2012-12-28 10:09:56 AM

Funbags: FTFA: "Best bit: Durand Durand puts Barbarella into his sexomatic Excessive Machine..."


Come on, man.


What? That was the character's name.
 
2012-12-28 10:21:37 AM
Apparently, someone's confused as to what the word "porn" means.
 
2012-12-28 10:22:58 AM

Shadow Blasko: RoxtarRyan: Shadow Blasko: RoxtarRyan: I thought for sure Starship Troopers was going to be on that list.

You're obviously an idiot.

Sorry troll, too good of a mood today. :)

I don't think I have ever been called a troll before. Neat.

I was serious though.

The list says pre-91. Starship Troopers came out in 1997.

Also, Dina Meyer's lovely breasts excluded, it doesn't even come close to porn. Not even close.

So yeah, maybe you are not an idiot.. but that post was idiotic.


Hope it keeps you up at night!
 
2012-12-28 10:25:02 AM

Frothy Panties: Podmore: I'll check back later when some enterprising farker has posted links to clips found on porn sites

Well, okay...surprised they had the full version!

http://xhamster.com/movies/1196124/flesh_gordon_softcore_1974.html

Do I really need to say NSFW.


Star Virgin is also available on xxxbunker. If you couldn't tell it was NSFW, there's no hope for you.
 
2012-12-28 10:38:50 AM
I'm shocked and slightly ashamed that I have seen the majority of those films.
 
2012-12-28 10:40:59 AM

Quantumbunny: Star Virgin is also available on xxxbunker. If you couldn't tell it was NSFW, there's no hope for you.


"at the end of time ..."
LOL what a great silly start
 
2012-12-28 10:46:47 AM

Mugato: frepnog: same reason the ugly chick in line said "two weeks". Homage to the original. no other reason.

I just watched it for the first time last night, actually and there were a lot of wink-wink nods to the original, which just made me want to pop that out and watch the original.


right there with you. the remake was completely pointless and the original still holds up surprisingly well.
 
2012-12-28 11:26:46 AM

RoxtarRyan: Shadow Blasko: RoxtarRyan: I thought for sure Starship Troopers was going to be on that list.

You're obviously an idiot.

Sorry troll, too good of a mood today. :)


Wait, you're calling HIM the troll?
 
2012-12-28 11:28:22 AM

frepnog: Mugato: frepnog: same reason the ugly chick in line said "two weeks". Homage to the original. no other reason.

I just watched it for the first time last night, actually and there were a lot of wink-wink nods to the original, which just made me want to pop that out and watch the original.

right there with you. the remake was completely pointless and the original still holds up surprisingly well.


The remake wasn't just pointless, it was flat-out stupid. "The earth underwent a global chemical war, so we have to drill thousands of kilometers through the earth to travel between the EU and Australia." Are you farking serious? What, air travel somehow doesn't work? It appears to be fine - after all, you can ride a pressurized commuter train on the surface...

We're not talking "plot holes", we're talking "completely farked up premise, ridiculous 'technology', and a movie trying way too hard to be 'Blade Runner In Australia'." It was a joke - it made the original movie look good by comparison.
 
2012-12-28 11:32:00 AM

cretinbob: ReapTheChaos: Porno's have storylines?

They used to


Back in the days of Nina Hartly.
 
2012-12-28 11:37:22 AM
FormlessOne:  it made the original movie look good by comparison.

Wow. I didn't think that was possible.
 
2012-12-28 11:49:34 AM

FormlessOne: The remake wasn't just pointless, it was flat-out stupid. "The earth underwent a global chemical war, so we have to drill thousands of kilometers through the earth to travel between the EU and Australia." Are you farking serious? What, air travel somehow doesn't work? It appears to be fine - after all, you can ride a pressurized commuter train on the surface...


And the earth's core is about as hot as the sun, so you're going to run an elevator through it. Well anyway, the visuals were cool. Maybe a little Blade Runner-ish but what future world isn't.
 
2012-12-28 11:53:33 AM

Dingleberry Dickwad: Funbags: FTFA: "Best bit: Durand Durand puts Barbarella into his sexomatic Excessive Machine..."


Come on, man.

What? That was the character's name.


Well fark me sideways, I had it as "Duran Duran" this whole time...
 
2012-12-28 11:56:48 AM

Funbags: Dingleberry Dickwad: Funbags: FTFA: "Best bit: Durand Durand puts Barbarella into his sexomatic Excessive Machine..."


Come on, man.

What? That was the character's name.

Well fark me sideways, I had it as "Duran Duran" this whole time...


Isn't that where the band got their name anyway?
 
2012-12-28 12:10:30 PM

meanmutton: RoxtarRyan: Shadow Blasko: RoxtarRyan: I thought for sure Starship Troopers was going to be on that list.

You're obviously an idiot.

Sorry troll, too good of a mood today. :)

Wait, you're calling HIM the troll?


Someone making a comment just to rouse some kind of negative response? Yep.
 
2012-12-28 12:12:11 PM

robohobo: Sci-fi thread. Can anyone recommend some new book/authors for me? Preferably in the vein of the early Heinlein 'juveniles' (Time for the Stars, Have Spacesuit etc) before he started letting his perversions take center stage? Difficulty:no tiresome war stories, super nerd authors living vicariously through their sex scenes or canadian authors who feel compelled to mention how progressive they are in social matters. Also no robots as main characters. Hell, I guess that limits me to pre-1960's stuff, but anyhow.

Time travel is all good, though.


CS Friedman writes a good yarn, but a bit less juvenile than Heinlin's stuff.(and longer) Braxi books are awesome if operatic, Madness Season is unique. This Alien Shore is quite interesting(a little more on par with Heinlen). Black sun trilogy seems fantasy but is technically sci fi(a loss of technology in favor of "magic"(it's a new planet that's "magic" not the universe) as a theme, gives it a different feel from normal fantasy once you get the backstory some)


Foundation (can't remember if it's a series or only a set of stories in one book, or a combination...it's been a while)

Diamond Age is good as well.

Just started reading Cyberpunk again, Bruce Bethke. This one is pretty similar to Starship Trooopers but without a lot of politcal talk, just a kid growing up over a period of a few years.
 
2012-12-28 12:20:56 PM

Ed Grubermann: FormlessOne:  it made the original movie look good by comparison.

Wow. I didn't think that was possible.


Well, since Total Recall is possibly Arnold's best 80's action film.... and is part of the Verhoven trilogy of awesome... (Robocop, Total Recall, Starship Troopers).... and is just a terrific movie all around....

wut?
 
2012-12-28 12:26:32 PM
When you combine religion with politics, the priests become corrupt, and the rulers become fanatical.

When you try to graft plot onto a porno, everything becomes a lame excuse to have sex. It's just grating.

Water and oil.
 
2012-12-28 12:26:46 PM
Barbarella (1968)

The original softcore science fiction porn film, which would probably be R-rated today.



What are they trying to say, that it was an actual porn film (XXX) and would be R today? Or that it was considered tame back then but would get an R today?

It was rated PG on re-release in 1977, so I doubt it would be more than PG-13 today.
 
2012-12-28 12:53:42 PM

Christian Bale: Barbarella (1968)

The original softcore science fiction porn film, which would probably be R-rated today.


What are they trying to say, that it was an actual porn film (XXX) and would be R today? Or that it was considered tame back then but would get an R today?

It was rated PG on re-release in 1977, so I doubt it would be more than PG-13 today.


Yeah, they called them all "porn" which is not accurate unless you're a fundamentalist or some other form of prude that can't handle a little boob here and there.
 
2012-12-28 12:58:03 PM
Apos:
DNRTA but I presume Flesh Gordon is #1?

Should be, it has farking CLAYMATION. And is pretty funny.
 
2012-12-28 12:58:43 PM

robohobo: Sci-fi thread. Can anyone recommend some new book/authors for me? Preferably in the vein of the early Heinlein 'juveniles' (Time for the Stars, Have Spacesuit etc) before he started letting his perversions take center stage? Difficulty:no tiresome war stories, super nerd authors living vicariously through their sex scenes or canadian authors who feel compelled to mention how progressive they are in social matters. Also no robots as main characters. Hell, I guess that limits me to pre-1960's stuff, but anyhow.

Time travel is all good, though.


John Varley's "Thunder and Lightning" series (Red Thunder, Red Lightning, Rolling Thunder; Dark Lightning out next year.)
 
2012-12-28 01:01:51 PM

Mugato: FormlessOne: The remake wasn't just pointless, it was flat-out stupid. "The earth underwent a global chemical war, so we have to drill thousands of kilometers through the earth to travel between the EU and Australia." Are you farking serious? What, air travel somehow doesn't work? It appears to be fine - after all, you can ride a pressurized commuter train on the surface...

And the earth's core is about as hot as the sun, so you're going to run an elevator through it. Well anyway, the visuals were cool. Maybe a little Blade Runner-ish but what future world isn't.


Yeah, I flip out in another thread about this bit of stupidity - the movie quite actually goes off the believability rails before you ever see a single actor, because they explain how we just have two places on Earth that are habitable, somehow connected by a 10,000 km tunnel running through the planet. They start you with this silly-ass exposition, and then expect you to buy into the rest of the abject stupidity that passes for a plot in this movie.
 
2012-12-28 01:07:56 PM

FormlessOne: Mugato: FormlessOne: The remake wasn't just pointless, it was flat-out stupid. "The earth underwent a global chemical war, so we have to drill thousands of kilometers through the earth to travel between the EU and Australia." Are you farking serious? What, air travel somehow doesn't work? It appears to be fine - after all, you can ride a pressurized commuter train on the surface...

And the earth's core is about as hot as the sun, so you're going to run an elevator through it. Well anyway, the visuals were cool. Maybe a little Blade Runner-ish but what future world isn't.

Yeah, I flip out in another thread about this bit of stupidity - the movie quite actually goes off the believability rails before you ever see a single actor, because they explain how we just have two places on Earth that are habitable, somehow connected by a 10,000 km tunnel running through the planet. They start you with this silly-ass exposition, and then expect you to buy into the rest of the abject stupidity that passes for a plot in this movie.


Recycled from my other post:

Ignoring the ridiculous story, the plot holes large enough to drive The Fall through, and the horrible acting, let's just focus on... lens flare.

The entire movie was so full of it that my wife complained. She doesn't complain about much when it comes to special effects, as she's a fan, but her quote that "I saw a friggin' blue or red line across the screen for pretty much the entire movie" was fairly accurate. There's friggin' lens flare in their apartment, for Christ's sake - a dull, matte, concrete-walled, junk-filled studio apartment.

The plot had us laughing before we saw a single actor. "We had a global chemical war, leaving just two habitable areas - the EU, and Australia. It's about 90 years in the future, though, so we figure everyone would forget that Britain was a second-rate territory 90 years ago. So, Britain now runs the EU, and we all call Australia 'The Colony', because our silly-ass attempt at political pithyness might've been missed if we didn't use a friggin' club on y'all. Here's the funny part, though - if you stare at our silly-ass global map, you'll see a lot of lights (y'know, habitation) all over the coastlines of the so-called uninhabitable areas. So, really, we just have two population concentrations and a lot of sea-faring folks. Try to gloss over that, though."

"And, of course, the most logical thing in the world is to turn 'The Colony' into virtual slave labor for Britain, because it's not like Australians can survive on their own, and somehow require a vibrant post-apocalyptic tourist trade."

"Oh, yeah - apparently, we can't figure out how to travel any more, even though the 'resistance' can pressurize a commuter train and all those coastal habitants appear to be getting along just fine on the ocean, because somehow a chemical war means airplanes no longer work, so the most cost-effective solution was to bore a hole roughly 10,000 kilometers long, through the friggin' planet. The planet's 12,000 kilometers in diameter, but no one would be dumb enough to drill right through the core, surely - besides, 10,000 kilometers appears to be a straight line between Britain and Australia, and so we called it 'The Fall', because that made sense. Sure, it's not just stupid, but impossible given the pressures near the core, the fact that the earth isn't solid between those points, and that the temperature alone would kill commuters, but it sounded cool, right?"

"Wait - later in this flick, we'll claim we can travel that distance in 17 minutes, one-way - sure, most of you can do the math and figure out that's 20+ times the speed of sound - and yet we have our protagonist climbing around on the outside of the damned thing, clearly resisting the pull of atmosphere at Mach 20 without a suit, gloves, or even a friggin' sweatshirt. Awesome, right? Wait - it gets better! We try to get you to believe that gravity somehow flips dramatically, but only at the midpoint of the ride, and then use it as a plot device in mid-combat!"

"OK, folks, go ahead and try to keep the window of disbelief open now. We dare ya!"

That was what went through our heads when we started MST3K'ing that suckfest, long before the opening scene, in which a world pressed for population space still has enough room to grow coffee, provide shiatty beer, and give a factory worker a nice bed with clean sheets in a studio apartment larger than my house and packed with belongings - only to hear his fake wife call it "a shiathole" later in the movie.

It was a complete suckfest right from the get-go. It tried for "Blade Runner" and failed. It tried for "political relevance" and failed. It tried for "action movie" and failed. It tried and failed, basically.
 
2012-12-28 01:21:56 PM

fusillade762: You could probably include this one since it involves a sort of dream/fantasy reading technology:

[www.classicpornbox.com image 380x545]


If you include that, you've got to include this:
www.fright.com
Highlights: a woman has sex with the guy on the box of Cream of Wheat, and a 3-way lesbian scene done to the song "Ring of Fire" as performed by Wall of Voodoo.
/hot image
 
2012-12-28 01:46:26 PM

RoxtarRyan: meanmutton: RoxtarRyan: Shadow Blasko: RoxtarRyan: I thought for sure Starship Troopers was going to be on that list.

You're obviously an idiot.

Sorry troll, too good of a mood today. :)

Wait, you're calling HIM the troll?

Someone making a comment just to rouse some kind of negative response? Yep.


And your suggestion that Starship Troopers should be on a list of porn movies was.... ?
 
2012-12-28 02:55:38 PM

HighZoolander: RoxtarRyan: meanmutton: RoxtarRyan: Shadow Blasko: RoxtarRyan: I thought for sure Starship Troopers was going to be on that list.

You're obviously an idiot.

Sorry troll, too good of a mood today. :)

Wait, you're calling HIM the troll?

Someone making a comment just to rouse some kind of negative response? Yep.

And your suggestion that Starship Troopers should be on a list of porn movies was.... ?


There was a lot of penetration in that movie, just the wrong kind of penetration?
 
2012-12-28 02:59:23 PM

RedVentrue: HighZoolander: RoxtarRyan: meanmutton: RoxtarRyan: Shadow Blasko: RoxtarRyan: I thought for sure Starship Troopers was going to be on that list.

You're obviously an idiot.

Sorry troll, too good of a mood today. :)

Wait, you're calling HIM the troll?

Someone making a comment just to rouse some kind of negative response? Yep.

And your suggestion that Starship Troopers should be on a list of porn movies was.... ?

There was a lot of penetration in that movie, just the wrong kind of penetration?


Whatever floats your boat, I guess ;)
 
2012-12-28 03:42:11 PM
Thanks to all you guys who suggested books/authors. I've been in dire need of new books, and now I'm good for awhile.

Thanks again, guys.
 
2012-12-28 04:16:41 PM

Mugato: Drew Barrymore almost signed on for a Barbarella remake. She would have gotten all kinds of naked in that.


I would have watched this. And by watched, I mean masturbated furiously.
 
2012-12-28 04:21:52 PM

robohobo: Thanks to all you guys who suggested books/authors. I've been in dire need of new books, and now I'm good for awhile.

Thanks again, guys.


Oh, Forever War, Joe Haldeman I think his name was.
 
2012-12-28 07:19:09 PM
List also fails without:
2.bp.blogspot.com

CSB:
We ran ship's entertainment out of the ET shack.
XO came in one day asking if we had any 'educational' films on our reel to reel Sony Video machine.
I assured him we had the usual, including 'Victory at Sea' collection.
He asked again, stressing the 'EDUcational'
'The Invasion of the Bee Girls' was indeed on reel to reel,
He asked if we could hook up locally, so he could watch along with the visiting Commodore.
After dinner, we set the shop up, the XO and Commodore came in, and enjoyed every minute of this movie ("Look at the stinger on that one, Walt!" "Hers or His, Harry?")
Whenever I see this movie, I can still hear the two of them joking.
 
2012-12-28 07:47:40 PM

robohobo: Sci-fi thread. Can anyone recommend some new book/authors for me? Preferably in the vein of the early Heinlein 'juveniles' (Time for the Stars, Have Spacesuit etc) before he started letting his perversions take center stage? Difficulty:no tiresome war stories, super nerd authors living vicariously through their sex scenes or canadian authors who feel compelled to mention how progressive they are in social matters. Also no robots as main characters. Hell, I guess that limits me to pre-1960's stuff, but anyhow.

Time travel is all good, though.


Alexei Panshin is good. Rite of Passage, Star Well, etc. Very Heinlein-esque, imho. Hal Clement's Mission of Gravity is also very good.
 
2012-12-28 09:10:39 PM

Quantumbunny: Frothy Panties: Podmore: I'll check back later when some enterprising farker has posted links to clips found on porn sites

Well, okay...surprised they had the full version!

http://xhamster.com/movies/1196124/flesh_gordon_softcore_1974.html

Do I really need to say NSFW.

Star Virgin is also available on xxxbunker. If you couldn't tell it was NSFW, there's no hope for you.


Damn, that was awesome. You just don't get nice bush anymore in porn. Thanks.
 
2012-12-29 01:09:03 AM

robohobo: Sci-fi thread. Can anyone recommend some new book/authors for me? Preferably in the vein of the early Heinlein 'juveniles' (Time for the Stars, Have Spacesuit etc) before he started letting his perversions take center stage? Difficulty:no tiresome war stories, super nerd authors living vicariously through their sex scenes or canadian authors who feel compelled to mention how progressive they are in social matters. Also no robots as main characters. Hell, I guess that limits me to pre-1960's stuff, but anyhow.

Time travel is all good, though.


Check out Stanislav Lem. Specifically:

EDEN
FIASCO
HIS MASTER'S VOICE
SOLARIS

It's not typical Sci-Fi, in a good way. Usually along the lines of what would happen if we encountered alien intelligence but failed to either realize it or comprehend its true nature and behavior.
 
2012-12-29 01:38:31 AM
Edward Penishands

Um. Obviously NSFW.
 
2012-12-29 09:16:37 AM
Ah, Satisfiers of Alpha Blue. Not a bad little movie (even if memory serves me correct there is Hedgehog in it), but the final orgy scene was ruined (for me) with the use of The People's Court theme as the background music. Rusty-philes might disagree.
 
2012-12-30 12:08:18 PM
I'm surprised there was no mention of Species.

/then again, it probably wasn't hardcore enough
 
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