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(Slate)   Dumb Criminal Files: Bringing 32 bags of weed to the courthouse where your mom is trying to get a restraining order against you   (slate.com) divider line 32
    More: Dumbass, crimes, Marquis Diggs  
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6283 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Dec 2012 at 8:46 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-27 08:36:40 PM
This chap just earned his undergraduate, graduate and post-graduate degrees in stupidity.
 
2012-12-27 08:48:13 PM
Marquis Diggs. Nope, not going to say it. That says it all.
 
2012-12-27 08:49:35 PM
My money says his possession of the demon weed will net a far greater sentence than the assault that led to his mother seeking the protective order.
 
2012-12-27 08:51:22 PM
"32 bags of suspected marijuana" and $176

Wait, is that 65 bags of weed and $575 in cop math?
 
2012-12-27 08:51:33 PM
oh, it's like Santa gave me a thread!

Personal favorites: coming into a courthouse wearing THESE:  w.fashiocdn.com

and wondering why its a problem

also a favorite, i'm trying to get a PO against you because you attempted to kill both your wife and child? definitely will win your case if you get a custom-airbrushed t shirt with their portraits on it saying "I miss you". Of course you missed them. If you'd HIT them, it'd be a murder trial, not a protective order, dumbass!
 
2012-12-27 08:53:39 PM
ow he could've been a lot dumber: He could've completed his outfit by matching his "crime coat" with his "murder pants," containing 32 bags of blood matching up with 32 unsolved Jersey City homicides.

I really like this article.
 
2012-12-27 08:54:44 PM

PonceAlyosha: ow he could've been a lot dumber: He could've completed his outfit by matching his "crime coat" with his "murder pants," containing 32 bags of blood matching up with 32 unsolved Jersey City homicides.

I really like this article.


Happily, he didn't mention bus pants or period pants.
 
2012-12-27 08:55:06 PM
Too bad he doesn't live in Colorado or Washington State...
 
2012-12-27 08:56:06 PM

Apos: This chap just earned his undergraduate, graduate and post-graduate degrees in stupidity.


ianlueck.blog.com
 
2012-12-27 08:59:03 PM
Was he armed? Did he arrive in a stolen car?
He's just run of the mill stupid.
 
2012-12-27 09:00:03 PM
guess his mom isn't going to go on camera and tearfully tell the media that "He's really a good boy, he's just made a few bad decisions."
 
2012-12-27 09:01:18 PM
Oh, really? This guy was December 14th's dumbest criminal?
 
2012-12-27 09:04:52 PM
Quite clearly he didn't bring enough pot to bribe the officers at the courthouse! If only he had brought 64 bags of pot, he would have gotten off scott-free (or at least, only been charged with simple possession, after the 8 baggies of pot had been confiscated, and the 4 baggies of pot had entered the evidence room, and the 2 baggies of pot had been entered into the evidence room log, and the 1/2 baggie had been listed in the evidence report used against him in court).
 
2012-12-27 09:15:07 PM
I'm not sure how stupid this is. How big were these bags of weed? Snack baggies would be way less dumb than garbage bags.
 
2012-12-27 09:25:00 PM

mbillips: I'm not sure how stupid this is. How big were these bags of weed? Snack baggies would be way less dumb than garbage bags.


Sort of like the courtroom scene in Miracle on 34th Street when they brought in all those bags of mail.
 
2012-12-27 09:47:20 PM
You can put your weed in there.
 
2012-12-27 10:05:00 PM
A plausible excuse:

"This is my... oregano! I'm just trying to cook you all a delicious Italian dinner! ... What? This ISN'T oregano? That roadside market betrayed my trust, nay, dashed my trust upon the rocks of deceit!"

Or some such phrasing.
 
2012-12-27 10:15:30 PM
Does Target sell crime coats?
 
2012-12-27 10:24:46 PM
A brilliant comedian wrote a very witty joke making fun of how drugs seized in a raid seem to decrease in quantity. Then a moderately funny guy told a humorous tale about how cops seem to pilfer drugs they've confiscated. The some village idiot repeats a cliched story about how bags of drugs in police evidence lockers seem to shrink over time. Finally, some Farkers beat to death a lame and tiresome meme about how the fuzz are constantly pilfering from the drugs in their possession.
 
2012-12-27 10:43:41 PM
tHEY CALL it DOPE for a RESAON!
 
2012-12-27 11:00:47 PM
FTFA: "Unfortunately for Diggs, the Hudson County Administration Building-where he and his mother were facing off-is located within walking distance of four schools. "

My bet is that this kind of thing happens often enough, that this situation was planned to be around 4 schools. Each one having its own offense adding to the charges. They all probably conjoin their circles on the building for maximum effect. They were planning for the ultimate dumbass penalty, in layers on top of that. Amazing, you think they are always incompetent.
 
2012-12-27 11:39:37 PM
I used to be a process server (in the 80s, height of the crack epidemic), which involves filing proof of service at whichever courthouse the case is being tried in. So I am in the Compton courthouse, and go through a brand new metal detector, just installed that week. The deputy told me that on the first day it was in operation, dozens of gang members were arrested for possession of drugs, guns, and knives
 
2012-12-27 11:48:52 PM

Bit'O'Gristle: Marquis Diggs. Nope, not going to say it. That says it all.


Were you, perhaps, feeling a temptation to speculate on the accused's ethnicity?
 
2012-12-27 11:51:23 PM

Psycat: A brilliant comedian wrote a very witty joke making fun of how drugs seized in a raid seem to decrease in quantity. Then a moderately funny guy told a humorous tale about how cops seem to pilfer drugs they've confiscated. The some village idiot repeats a cliched story about how bags of drugs in police evidence lockers seem to shrink over time. Finally, some Farkers beat to death a lame and tiresome meme about how the fuzz are constantly pilfering from the drugs in their possession.


the phrase "party pooper asshat" comes to mind, don't know why
 
2012-12-28 12:31:38 AM
Seven out of 10 impromptu courthouse arrests come about because the perp accidentally wore his "crime coat" instead of, say, a nice blue blazer.

Look, everyone here knows my opinion about cops is pretty high. But come ON people. Why do you insist on making it easy for them? They are not Superman, and cannot arrest you if you don't have drugs, weapons, other contraband on your person. This isn't rocket surgery here. Leave your drugs at HOME. ESPECIALLY if your chosen profession is "drug dealer" instead of "corporate attorney", you know? You don't have to carry 32 bags of pot everywhere you go. Did this guy think he was going to miss out on a quick deal in the courthouse bathroom?

It's just hard to muster up any sympathy for people who get nabbed with felony weight on them when just a little foresight would have negated the problem--and especially when their destination was a building with more cops per square foot than anywhere except the local prison.
 
2012-12-28 12:50:16 AM
Personally I think the "moron admits to having CP during interview for job with FBI" moron is even dumber.

The judgement is so worth reading. Props to agents Cherry & Dempsey... I freely admit I would not have been able to keep a straight face during a situation like that.
 
2012-12-28 01:19:10 AM

KrispyKritter: the phrase "party pooper asshat" comes to mind, don't know why


You must be thinking of the amateur comedians who think beating a tiresome joke to death for the 10,000th time is comedy gold. I agree that they're party pooper asshats who should have their comic licenses revoked and be sent to the Old Jokes' Home. After all, they went to school to become a wit, but only got halfway through.

Now I, on the other hand, made a very clever meta-joke that criticized their attempts at humor in a very funny and cutting way that would make Tallulah Bankhead guffaw. And thank you for playing...
 
2012-12-28 02:12:31 AM

Bit'O'Gristle: Marquis Diggs. Nope, not going to say it. That says it all.


I'd say so. Case closed. Next!
 
2012-12-28 05:26:40 AM
"32 bags of suspected marijuana" and $176 in Diggs'

Idiot, The $176 is what did him in.
 
2012-12-28 07:02:55 AM

Psycat: KrispyKritter: the phrase "party pooper asshat" comes to mind, don't know why

You must be thinking of the amateur comedians who think beating a tiresome joke to death for the 10,000th time is comedy gold. I agree that they're party pooper asshats who should have their comic licenses revoked and be sent to the Old Jokes' Home. After all, they went to school to become a wit, but only got halfway through.

Now I, on the other hand, made a very clever meta-joke that criticized their attempts at humor in a very funny and cutting way that would make Tallulah Bankhead guffaw. And thank you for playing...


The first rule of comedy is to know your audience. You failed that.
 
2012-12-28 08:50:53 AM

Apos: This chap just earned his undergraduate, graduate and post-graduate degrees in stupidity.


Just give him a PHD in dumbass.
 
2012-12-28 12:31:56 PM
This is why it's called dope
 
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