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(Curbed)   The most gloriously hideous real estate listings of 2012, including our grand prize winner from Sulphur, Louisiana. And that's quite a prize in a field with entrants from LA, Miami Beach--and the faux chateau island retreat designed by Celine Dion   (curbed.com) divider line 166
    More: Scary, Los Angeles, chateau, private island, prizes  
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32080 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Dec 2012 at 8:25 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-27 09:06:53 PM

Shadyman: The Mukilteo, Wash one (the first set of pics) is kinda cool. I wouldn't pay $1.89M for it, but I'd live in it, sure, and enjoy it, too.


Thought the same thing. Maybe I'm just a sucker for stained glass, because I thought that house didn't deserve to be on the list.
 
2012-12-27 09:08:34 PM
Going to forward this to Mrs. Quito.

/She loves the real estate porn
//The raunchier the better
///slashies
 
2012-12-27 09:08:36 PM

JohnAnnArbor: So Prince used to have a house in Carmel, Indiana?


too gay
 
2012-12-27 09:15:03 PM
jumpin jehosaphat
 
2012-12-27 09:18:51 PM
img685.imageshack.us
img826.imageshack.us
This is a lovely room of death.
 
2012-12-27 09:19:30 PM
Goes to show ya -- trophy wives have no sense of style.
 
2012-12-27 09:19:36 PM

CmndrFish: Should I be shamed for actually liking the Olympia, WA one?

Sure, it's disgustingly lavish, but they picked an interesting theme and executed it pretty well.


I thought the same.  It's too over-the-top for me, but they seem to have gotten the flooring and proportions correct.  I was surprised to see a few decent rooms in Celine's pad, too.
 
2012-12-27 09:24:29 PM
What I find wild is how cheap real estate is in some locations. Houston for under $500K? In Toronto, you would need to add a hundred K or two to buy a detached house in my old area. It's a decent area, but not horridly expensive for Toronto. Under 1 million for that mess in Indy? Good lord, you couldn't get anything near that size for that price.

That people have horrible taste and stage things terribly is no shock at all - the prices for some IS!

/We sold our 850 sq ft house (3 stories, 2 bedrooms) for 300K over a year ago - and it was a dump. Not even a pretense at decoration.
 
2012-12-27 09:25:37 PM

ProfessorOhki: Skirl Hutsenreiter: I do landscape photography as a hobby. Recently I met a kid who'd made a solid start in real estate photography by virtue of having a little UAV. He asked for advice, so after a look at some listings I mentioned lighting at different times of day and filters to make them pop - it was all totally new to him. But the realtors are clueless.

Pretty sure commercial UAS flight isn't allowed by the FAA so my advice would be to not get caught.



There's a hobby ceiling. You can go up to 500ft or something like that.

www.blogcdn.com
 
2012-12-27 09:25:39 PM
They may need redecorating, but I'd live in every one of those.

And yes, compared to an 1100 sq ft condo for 500k in DC, that Houston house is a steal. And it's not that ugly...
 
2012-12-27 09:27:13 PM
Some of these are nice.
 
kth
2012-12-27 09:28:58 PM
Wait, doesn't everyone keep their battle axe and mace above the urinals?
 
2012-12-27 09:32:14 PM

Xetal: The movie basement is completely awesome.


But what is it with the obsession to have a movie basement exactly like a movie theatre, including the same crappy movie seats (looking at the Nassau Bay one)? The whole point of having a home theatre is for the relaxing comfortable area to watch a movie.
 
2012-12-27 09:34:13 PM
I like all of these, frankly.
 
2012-12-27 09:35:40 PM

Skirl Hutsenreiter: Anyways, if I photographed the most beautiful valley in the world the way most realtors do houses you'd go "meh, looks okay".


thats because realtors, who stand to make thousands on a sale, would rather use their cell phone than hire a real photographer for a few hundred dollars. But then again, you cant expect much forethought for someone with a GED and a certificate from a weekend-long agent course.
 
2012-12-27 09:36:45 PM

buntz: I actually didn't think the Celine Dion one was bad at all! I mean, a little more 'oppulent' than my tastes, but I didn't think it was ugly.

And to be honest, I loved the stone castley "dining room"


seconded, although I can't figure out the exposed bathtub on the stair landing.
 
2012-12-27 09:38:27 PM
A couple of the "chateau" ones (including the one with it in the name) did an excellent job of replicating that look. There was one bedroom in particular that was a solid imitation.

Granted most of the shiat that ought to be stone or solid wood is probably MDF and plaster or some other smoke and mirrors BS, but bad? I guess if you don't like that look.
 
2012-12-27 09:38:41 PM
Sulphur, La house made me LOL. Look at the grout joints in the kitchen image.
 
2012-12-27 09:41:30 PM
THIS is EXACTLY why TAXES need to be RAISED on the RICH... and significantly!

IF and WHEN they spend their money they cannot be trusted with their decisions!
 
2012-12-27 09:42:37 PM

Shadyman: The Mukilteo, Wash one (the first set of pics) is kinda cool. I wouldn't pay $1.89M for it, but I'd live in it, sure, and enjoy it, too.


I liked that one, too. I wouldn't want to have to wash all that glass but I can see the appeal of "enclosing outdoor space" in Washington. Give a big FU to the rain and snow. Oh, I wouldn't want to pay the heating bill, either.
 
2012-12-27 09:43:41 PM
Lots of money, absolutely no taste. Although for the "oppulant" look, the Celine Dion house looks OK.

Why do I get the feeling that the castle house was designed by its owners? I would fill it with arcade games and skee-ball. Or be like that guy in Garden State with no furniture, driving from room to room in a golf cart.
 
2012-12-27 09:45:15 PM

ProfessorOhki: Skirl Hutsenreiter: I do landscape photography as a hobby. Recently I met a kid who'd made a solid start in real estate photography by virtue of having a little UAV. He asked for advice, so after a look at some listings I mentioned lighting at different times of day and filters to make them pop - it was all totally new to him. But the realtors are clueless.

Pretty sure commercial UAS flight isn't allowed by the FAA so my advice would be to not get caught.


FAA only regulates above a certain height. Useful real estate photographs all fall well under that height.
 
2012-12-27 09:48:42 PM
Giant stereo, mirrors on the ceiling. They may still live with their parents, but the ladies LOVE this room.

cdn.cstatic.net
 
2012-12-27 09:57:38 PM
If I was forced to live in one of them, I'd pick the first one. Yeah, the outside is ugly, but the kitchen looks functional and the windows all have nice views. It's not so ornate that I'd feel suffocated, and you could put pretty normal furniture in there without it looking out of place.

That said, Celine Dion's was well done for the style and I don't understand quite why it was on the list. There are actual old stone buildings in Montreal so it's not like it's entirely out of place either.
 
2012-12-27 09:59:49 PM

Darth_Lukecash: No one wants to pay for professional photography. Just like Graphic Designers, Photographers are now victims of the digital age-it's easy to shoo and put on the Internet or provide to a printer. People haven't realized that a tool is only as good as it's user.


Word.

I toyed with the idea of quitting my day job and doing photography full time. Then I realized that I didn't want to take a 80% pay cut, and would rather shoot my subjects on my terms rather than anyone else's. I do the odd portrait sitting or commercial gig, if it's something that interests me, but other than that I just refer people to my friends who are trying to make a living at it.
 
2012-12-27 09:59:58 PM

dumbobruni: seconded, although I can't figure out the exposed bathtub on the stair landing.


You pompous ass! Like you never were walking downstairs and thought to yourself "You know? I don't feel as fresh as I should"

It's people like you.........
 
2012-12-27 10:05:21 PM
Having done some work there, I can tell you that many of the houses in destin are similar to the one shown.

Rednecks with money almost always results in poor decisions. Look at the guy who bought the Browns.
 
2012-12-27 10:05:30 PM

Skirl Hutsenreiter: ProfessorOhki: Skirl Hutsenreiter: I do landscape photography as a hobby. Recently I met a kid who'd made a solid start in real estate photography by virtue of having a little UAV. He asked for advice, so after a look at some listings I mentioned lighting at different times of day and filters to make them pop - it was all totally new to him. But the realtors are clueless.

Pretty sure commercial UAS flight isn't allowed by the FAA so my advice would be to not get caught.

FAA only regulates above a certain height. Useful real estate photographs all fall well under that height.


You could be right. I've only caught bits in passing: Link
 
2012-12-27 10:06:04 PM
The Dion house is quite beautiful. Most of the others had decorators more familiar with the Focal-Point catalog than a sense of scale or understanding of ornament.

Professional photographers make all the difference with a listing. Mine looked unbelievable after the professional took them.
 
2012-12-27 10:16:06 PM

fallingcow: Granted most of the shiat that ought to be stone or solid wood is probably MDF and plaster or some other smoke and mirrors BS, but bad? I guess if you don't like that look.


IIRC Jefferson used faux finishes at Monticello. For that matter, the majority of his art collection was reproductions, not originals.
 
2012-12-27 10:20:43 PM
Ummm.....did anyone notice the naked chick at the bottom of the page who takes pictures of herself?
 
2012-12-27 10:23:35 PM
i like the castle
 
2012-12-27 10:24:51 PM
Lots of purple in these photos, is the sister from Breaking Bad an interior decorator now?
 
2012-12-27 10:27:38 PM

gerbilpox: [img685.imageshack.us image 634x416]
[img826.imageshack.us image 149x172]
This is a lovely room of death.


A bunch of that has to be fake. Proudly-displayed elephant tusks? I think not. The fluorescent lighting is a nice touch, to give the room that discount showroom feel.
 
2012-12-27 10:31:43 PM

moonscatter: BadReligion: That huge mansion in Houston is only $499,000.00? Seems like a bargain unless there are very serious issues.

Nah, that's just Houston prices. I think it is outside of the loop, that knocks off like 200k from the price right there.


Its in the Heights, in the loop (77008)... i am surprised it is just that price... depending on what section of the Heights, that house could go for 3x's that price...
The Purple Monstrosity is in Nassau Bay... right across from NASA... first thing my husband said when he saw the pics.. "does an Astronaut live there?"... No, but a guy who does custom body paint for cars does...
 
2012-12-27 10:36:20 PM
Darth_LukecashPeople haven't realized that a tool is only as good as it's user.

Like the apostrophe.
 
2012-12-27 10:36:37 PM
The one in Brooklyn appears to have two king sized beds in the master bed room.
 
2012-12-27 10:37:13 PM

buntz: dumbobruni: seconded, although I can't figure out the exposed bathtub on the stair landing.

You pompous ass! Like you never were walking downstairs and thought to yourself "You know? I don't feel as fresh as I should"

It's people like you.........


something fishy is going on there.
 
2012-12-27 10:39:00 PM
Huh. I thought this is what Celine Dion's house looked like:

i860.photobucket.com
I must have been wrong.
 
2012-12-27 10:42:34 PM
The comments about the $499k one make me wonder if the commenters are realizing the labels are below the pictures, not above. In case someone was confused, the Texas $499k house is the 3000sq foot one with all of the wallpaper, it has a normal looking kitchen with breakfast nook. The one below it is a 24k sq foot mansion that Celine Dion owned on a private island.

The Carmel one was my favorite. The owner looks like s/he has a great sense of humor. I would have done the kitchen differently, it doesn't seem to match the rest of the house very well. The master bdrm would have to lose the purpleness, but I like it!

These houses are definitely opulent and mostly not my taste. But I only cringed at a few of the rooms, like the green master bedroom of the Texas house. Clear out the furniture in any of the others and you have pretty grand, beautiful mansions. Slap some paint over that purple one and it looks like has a lot of character. I am unsure why it is called the most hideous list. When looking for a house, we saw much, much worse.
 
2012-12-27 10:46:58 PM
I was going to make a snarky comment about these people's taste, but then I remembered the fantasy I have of building the beyond the infinite room from 2001.
 
2012-12-27 10:48:09 PM
here you go Only $1.5 mil and you can hear the neighbor having sex or flushing the john.
Or have crack heads bust the door down.
 
2012-12-27 10:51:54 PM

Gormenghast: I was going to make a snarky comment about these people's taste, but then I remembered the fantasy I have of building the beyond the infinite room from 2001.


You go total batcave. man.
You get a garage with remote control doors.
You have and underground lair.
It's green. NRG efficient, and you can have sheep or a garlic garden on top. (me, I like both)
Buy a used up gravel pit.
Spring nearby.
Pour concrete for a dome.
Have a running waterfall in it.
It's quiet.
It's secure.
And the JoHos can't find the front door.

Tip the UPS guy well to leave stuff unsigned at the gas station for you.
 
2012-12-27 10:52:10 PM

CmndrFish: Should I be shamed for actually liking the Olympia, WA one?

Sure, it's disgustingly lavish, but they picked an interesting theme and executed it pretty well.


I live in the area, and based on the address, it's on the tip of a long point, overlooking the islands of south Puget Sound. If nothing else, the view out the windows must be pretty spectacular.
 
2012-12-27 10:57:29 PM
People who spend millions of dollars to build a "castle" out of normal bricks instead of stone facing are retarded.

/Lives in a castle
/OK maybe in my imagination
 
2012-12-27 11:02:19 PM
cdn.cstatic.net

The last time I was in a room like this, a row of ladies stood there waiting for me to pick one out.

/Oh yeah. As if YOU wouldn't go to such a place.
 
2012-12-27 11:04:23 PM

TV's Vinnie: [cdn.cstatic.net image 640x480]

The last time I was in a room like this, a row of ladies stood there waiting for me to pick one out.



Mom?
 
2012-12-27 11:04:32 PM

Evil Canadian: What I find wild is how cheap real estate is in some locations. Houston for under $500K? In Toronto, you would need to add a hundred K or two to buy a detached house in my old area. It's a decent area, but not horridly expensive for Toronto. Under 1 million for that mess in Indy? Good lord, you couldn't get anything near that size for that price.


Houston and Indianapolis are two of the cheapest large metro areas in the US for housing and general cost of living.

Taking a closer look at the Houston listing, at $499k its way overpriced. It's only 2900+ sq ft, which is pretty average sized for 4 bed places in Tx. While inside the loop, its not the best neighborhood, and it is really dated and will take $50k at least to bring the interior (and the pool area) into the 21st century. Tax assessment is probably way under the asking. Offer $375 and have then talk you up to $400 max.

/Mother is in Houston residential RE
 
2012-12-27 11:23:30 PM

Rapmaster2000: I can excuse Houston in that it looks like it hasn't been updated since the 1970s - yes, metallic wallpaper was hot in the 70s.  I had a friend whose home was unchanged like that after his mother died.

The rest seem to be people who didn't get that the director's choice of decor in "Scarface" wasn't meant to be complimentary.


I live about ten minutes from the Nassau Bay house. There is another truly hideous house on the same block--but it is ugly outside and inside. You can tell the people built it after watching the reality TV show about the Gottis.....
 
2012-12-27 11:24:43 PM

buntz: I actually didn't think the Celine Dion one was bad at all! I mean, a little more 'oppulent' than my tastes, but I didn't think it was ugly.


Yeah, I go more for the late fifties-early sixties look myself, but I didn't see what was wrong with that one if you like something more old fashioned. OK, the stone dining room was a little over the top, but other than that.
 
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