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(JoBlo)   Everything wrong with "The Dark Knight Rises" in under four minutes (spoilers, not-safe-for-work language)   (joblo.com) divider line 172
    More: Amusing, TDKR, DC Comics, Galaxy Note, don't feed the trolls, batman movie  
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8518 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 26 Dec 2012 at 10:56 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-26 05:48:50 PM  
the movie really did suck for all those reasons. and im a huge fan.
 
2012-12-26 07:34:42 PM  
Funny, watching it for the first time now.
 
2012-12-26 07:38:24 PM  
#5 'hiest' is actually repeated in #23 (look to the left of the paper).

killthehydra.com
 
2012-12-26 07:55:30 PM  
I saw this for the first time about two weeks ago. And what I've learned since then is that I did, honestly, enjoy it while I was watching it. I did. But I started hating it the moment it ended and I started to actually think about it -- for many of the same reasons given here, although I hadn't started to itemize my specific grievances so specifically -- and that growing realization that I hate it made me angry at myself for enjoying it while I watched it. Which, in turn, made me hate it even more.  So the entire process essentially turned into a self-feeding vortex of anger and hate. Which is all to say that I now understand Bane and everything he represents, and may be about to undertake the first steps of becoming a supervillain.
 
2012-12-26 08:00:43 PM  

Pocket Ninja: I saw this for the first time about two weeks ago. And what I've learned since then is that I did, honestly, enjoy it while I was watching it. I did. But I started hating it the moment it ended and I started to actually think about it -- for many of the same reasons given here, although I hadn't started to itemize my specific grievances so specifically -- and that growing realization that I hate it made me angry at myself for enjoying it while I watched it. Which, in turn, made me hate it even more.  So the entire process essentially turned into a self-feeding vortex of anger and hate. Which is all to say that I now understand Bane and everything he represents, and may be about to undertake the first steps of becoming a supervillain.


steer clear of Skyfall then, for there is no coming back.
 
2012-12-26 09:10:15 PM  
I loved the movie, but my first thought after walking out of the theater was "so John Blake just has a *hunch* that Bruce Wayne is Batman, because he was also an orphan?!?" Like, do all orphans have some kind of telepathic bond with each or something?
 
2012-12-26 09:21:00 PM  

DeltaPunch: Like, do all orphans have some kind of telepathic bond with each or something?


Annie is blackmailing the shiat out of him.
 
2012-12-26 09:28:37 PM  

Pocket Ninja: I saw this for the first time about two weeks ago. And what I've learned since then is that I did, honestly, enjoy it while I was watching it. I did. But I started hating it the moment it ended and I started to actually think about it -- for many of the same reasons given here, although I hadn't started to itemize my specific grievances so specifically -- and that growing realization that I hate it made me angry at myself for enjoying it while I watched it. Which, in turn, made me hate it even more.  So the entire process essentially turned into a self-feeding vortex of anger and hate. Which is all to say that I now understand Bane and everything he represents, and may be about to undertake the first steps of becoming a supervillain.


wow. that explains it perfectly.
 
2012-12-26 11:03:21 PM  
My thoughts watching the movie:

1) So who DOESN'T know that Bruce Wayne is Batman now?
2) Seriously.  What the fark kind of facial / jaw / throat damage could one sustain that would require some ridiculous masky thing like that?  And if it got damaged it would seriously mess you up?
3) Halfway through the movie I started to think, "Let's just get this over with."  That's always the kiss of death.
 
2012-12-26 11:05:35 PM  
Couldn't just link to YouTube?
 
2012-12-26 11:07:24 PM  

Lando Lincoln: My thoughts watching the movie:

1) So who DOESN'T know that Bruce Wayne is Batman now?
2) Seriously.  What the fark kind of facial / jaw / throat damage could one sustain that would require some ridiculous masky thing like that?  And if it got damaged it would seriously mess you up?
3) Halfway through the movie I started to think, "Let's just get this over with."  That's always the kiss of death.


the mask was supposed to be feeding him a drug that keeps him juiced up, but that was never even mentioned. that's the whole point of bane. he had nothing to do with the league of shadows. just worse and worse...nolan is a troll.
 
2012-12-26 11:07:47 PM  
I've been waiting for it to come on blu-ray. Between Batman's shiatty grumbling, and what I heard about Bane sounding like he is talking into a Dixie cup the entire time, I'd rather have subtitles.

...actually, I think I'll just watch the Rifftrax of it.
 
2012-12-26 11:09:44 PM  

DeltaPunch: Like, do all orphans have some kind of telepathic bond with each or something?



In dramatic works, oftentimes a character will attempt to explain something to another character in the form of a "monologue." Often, poetic license is given to important events, with the character presenting the event with fully-formed exposition and emotional interpretation.

You may recall this behavior from every person who has ever talked about any event.

What John Blake reveals in his speech is that he was paying extra careful attention to Bruce Wayne. He understood a great deal about the man and his means. And when presented a thread which was only caught because of that attention, and his shared sense of loss and how to deal with it, he naturally unwound it. That is, after 7 years of both Batman and Bruce being pretty much invisible.

The focus of the monologue was the inciting incident in that path to discovery. John says "right at the moment, I knew," the same way many humans retroactively assign conclusions to events only arrived at after the fact. Taking a moment of strange recognition, and highlighting it as a point of inspiration.

The focus on this aspect of the film has left me bamboozled. Of all the things, of all the literary conceits, people chose a moment between two characters who shared an origin of sorts, and who understood one another on some deep level. That's all it was, that's all it meant, and it demonstrated that John was a good detective.


In short, it wholly succeeded as a work of farkING FICTION YOU farkING NO CONTEXT-HAVING MOTHERfarkERS
 
2012-12-26 11:12:03 PM  
So my informal rule that the third superhero movie sucks still holds?
 
2012-12-26 11:12:15 PM  
They should go back and do one for the other two Batman flicks, although the sins of the first one basically boil down to: "The secret weapon is a giant microwave that is going to activate and turned the drugged water supply to steam. Humans are 90 percent water."

/boil down? get it?

And I think everyone understands how ridiculously implausible everything Joker did in the second one was. And I think that's why it was OK.
 
2012-12-26 11:15:40 PM  

calbert: steer clear of Skyfall then, for there is no coming back.


Skyfall is a fine Bond movie. It has Bond elements without it being annoyingly over the top and filled with campy one liners.
 
2012-12-26 11:15:43 PM  
I knew what I was going to get, but I didn't want to NOT look at the link I was commenting on.

"#49 (Juno Temple hugs Anne Hathaway) Wait, is Catwoman a lesbian?!"


fark you for mistaking this and everything of its ilk for genuine criticism.
 
2012-12-26 11:21:50 PM  

Pocket Ninja: I saw this for the first time about two weeks ago. And what I've learned since then is that I did, honestly, enjoy it while I was watching it. I did. But I started hating it the moment it ended and I started to actually think about it -- for many of the same reasons given here, although I hadn't started to itemize my specific grievances so specifically -- and that growing realization that I hate it made me angry at myself for enjoying it while I watched it. Which, in turn, made me hate it even more.  So the entire process essentially turned into a self-feeding vortex of anger and hate. Which is all to say that I now understand Bane and everything he represents, and may be about to undertake the first steps of becoming a supervillain.


Great summary -- there's a reason why your posts are the only ones that appear highlighted green for me.

I was talking to my friends about this a few weeks ago, and I said something similar -- that I enjoyed it while I was sitting there in the theater, but it was ultimately disappointing the more I thought about it. They responded, "Well you liked it at the time, right? You can't like something then choose not to like something without having watched it again!" My friends, apparently, don't appreciate the possibility of reflecting on something over time before making a conclusion. My friends also think that any Batman flick Nolan would release would be completely flawless, which seems silly to me.
 
2012-12-26 11:22:32 PM  
Some of these are legit gripes (everything about the 'bomb' is ludicrous; the disjointed 'oh hey this guys here now' scenes), but as a poster above me pointed out, some are just whiny nitpicking.
The Bane voice didn't really bother me at all. It was an odd choice, but I felt it worked okay. The way they dealt with the character at the end certainly did bug me, and the really intense adherence to the 'timer only ticks when the camera is on it' through the last sequence really irked me.
 
2012-12-26 11:26:16 PM  
On the plus side, nothing in the movie was as bad as the Penguin finding the blueprints to the Batmobile in the sewer because somebody flushed the blueprints down the toilet.

And the penguin funeral procession.  Oh God.  Not the funeral procession.  Make the pain stop.
 
2012-12-26 11:28:39 PM  
Just watched the movie again over Christmas and #56 (or is #57) is wrong:

"Eventual bad guy helps the good guys find the bomb."

She actually indicated one of the trucks that didn't have the bomb. Thus the scene with Gordon opening the doors on an empty truck.

I enjoyed the movie. i don't worry about most of the details, except for Batman outrunning the nuclear blast. They could have given him more time to do it (the clock kind of jumped down a bit anyway) and still had him smile while flying - only because he already dropped the bomb at a safe distance from Gotham and was out of the blast range as well (but the audience wouldn't know he had already dropped the bomb).
 
2012-12-26 11:29:58 PM  
TDKR was a fun, entertaining movie, and a good conclusion to the trilogy. However, it did have some glaring issues:

1) A fusion reactor is not going to explode like that.

2) Anything that produces enough radiation to be detectable with a hand-held gieger counter will be visible to high-altitude recon aircraft.

3) A city that size would have around 30,000 police officers, and Bain trapped 1/10th that in the sewers.
 
2012-12-26 11:32:31 PM  
I wish Bane's death had been more dramatic and i felt like 6 hours of movie was crammed in to 2.5hours of film. But, it was exciting and I liked the end.

However, my one big issue was showing Wayne at the cafe with Kyle. After showing the top and then cutting to black before it falls at the end of Inception, I'll never understand why Nolan felt the need to show Wayne smiling back at Alfred. It would have been infinitely better if Alfred looks up from the menu/paper and flashes a brief smile before cutting to the next scene. There was more than enough additional evidence for the audience to realize Bruce was still alive.

Of course, I also liked the end of Sopranos, who cares if the top fell over, and episode 3 should've ended the instant Vader took his first breath.
 
2012-12-26 11:35:02 PM  
Ah screw it everyone's posting spoilers anyway, might as well get to the meat of this.

My biggest problem with it was that they had Wayne alive at the end. The movie would have had the same (or even stronger) of a message if he had died. They could have used that to cement the 'Batman is a symbol' theme that they pushed so hard through the entire trilogy, but then rather have him sacrifice himself for Gotham, they go with 'oh he's a super genius that reprogrammed the autopilot by himself (and never told anyone) and ejected and survived the blast (because magic)' I'd have rather seen the last scene be Alfred sitting at the cafe, and look over and see an empty table.
 
2012-12-26 11:35:11 PM  

FuturePastNow:

2) Anything that produces enough radiation to be detectable with a hand-held gieger counter will be visible to high-altitude recon aircraft.


They covered that in the movie by speculating they couldn't detect it because the roof of the truck was lined with lead.
 
2012-12-26 11:36:17 PM  
The movie certainly wasn't perfect, but it'll be on my top 10 of the year. Just need to see Les Mis and Django to put it together. I refuse to watch Zero Dark Thirty.
 
2012-12-26 11:37:24 PM  

roughridersfan: Just watched the movie again over Christmas and #56 (or is #57) is wrong:

"Eventual bad guy helps the good guys find the bomb."

She actually indicated one of the trucks that didn't have the bomb. Thus the scene with Gordon opening the doors on an empty truck.

I enjoyed the movie. i don't worry about most of the details, except for Batman outrunning the nuclear blast. They could have given him more time to do it (the clock kind of jumped down a bit anyway) and still had him smile while flying - only because he already dropped the bomb at a safe distance from Gotham and was out of the blast range as well (but the audience wouldn't know he had already dropped the bomb).


I don't think he outran the bomb's explosion... I thought the implication was that he ejected out and the autopilot flew the plane out over the water. There was a scene in the end with Fox and some techies going over the batplane and they make the big reveal that Wayne had fixed the autopilot six months ago.
 
2012-12-26 11:38:23 PM  

thegod082: Great summary -- there's a reason why your posts are the only ones that appear highlighted green for me.


+1 to that.
 
2012-12-26 11:39:03 PM  
I really didn't get the impression that Bane was being fed venom with the mask. When it was damaged, he was gasping for air, as if it was an oxygen mask or Darth Vader mask or something of that nature.

But I give Nolan credit. Not a single "pussy" pun in the entire movie. Not even a lot of bad cat jokes. If you're going to do a Catwoman character, that was the way to do it. The ears were even incidental, not intentional.

I found out that I can do Bane's ridiculous voice from the movie. I frightened myself a few weeks ago when I couldn't stop doing it. I think The Dark Knight Rises is going to be the only Nolan Batman movie I won't put in my collection, because I can't handle that goofy Bane-in-name-only.

Honestly, I wish they'd just made him someone else. He's nothing like Bane.
 
2012-12-26 11:39:05 PM  
Also, am I the only one who had this going through their head while Batman was flying the big round bomb out of Gotham?

24.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-12-26 11:40:08 PM  
I actually had a friend tell me the other day that the reason Bats survives the explosion is because Superman came in and saved him at the last second. "Just wait, they'll tie them together" he told me. Disregarding that there is not so much as a credible rumor on the internet that this is the case I had to tell him how ridiculous his theory was. "So what your saying is that for something like 5 months there was a nuclear bomb rolling around the streets of a major US city, and Supes was cool with that. But, when the bomb was flown out over the water and was only threatening one man that he had never met before, that is when he had to step in. Yeah, makes sense."
 
2012-12-26 11:40:14 PM  

NKURyan: roughridersfan: Just watched the movie again over Christmas and #56 (or is #57) is wrong:

"Eventual bad guy helps the good guys find the bomb."

She actually indicated one of the trucks that didn't have the bomb. Thus the scene with Gordon opening the doors on an empty truck.

I enjoyed the movie. i don't worry about most of the details, except for Batman outrunning the nuclear blast. They could have given him more time to do it (the clock kind of jumped down a bit anyway) and still had him smile while flying - only because he already dropped the bomb at a safe distance from Gotham and was out of the blast range as well (but the audience wouldn't know he had already dropped the bomb).

I don't think he outran the bomb's explosion... I thought the implication was that he ejected out and the autopilot flew the plane out over the water. There was a scene in the end with Fox and some techies going over the batplane and they make the big reveal that Wayne had fixed the autopilot six months ago.


Good point - that ties in the autopilot scene. I guess I'm confused by the fact that he appeared to be shown flying IN the batplane shortly before the explosion...but maybe he was smiling because he was flying it remotely. Hard to tell with a closeup shot.

Thank you for that.
 
2012-12-26 11:40:27 PM  

bulldg4life: I wish Bane's death had been more dramatic and i felt like 6 hours of movie was crammed in to 2.5hours of film. But, it was exciting and I liked the end.

However, my one big issue was showing Wayne at the cafe with Kyle. After showing the top and then cutting to black before it falls at the end of Inception, I'll never understand why Nolan felt the need to show Wayne smiling back at Alfred. It would have been infinitely better if Alfred looks up from the menu/paper and flashes a brief smile before cutting to the next scene. There was more than enough additional evidence for the audience to realize Bruce was still alive.

Of course, I also liked the end of Sopranos, who cares if the top fell over, and episode 3 should've ended the instant Vader took his first breath.


Sensual Tyrannosaurus: Ah screw it everyone's posting spoilers anyway, might as well get to the meat of this.

My biggest problem with it was that they had Wayne alive at the end. The movie would have had the same (or even stronger) of a message if he had died. They could have used that to cement the 'Batman is a symbol' theme that they pushed so hard through the entire trilogy, but then rather have him sacrifice himself for Gotham, they go with 'oh he's a super genius that reprogrammed the autopilot by himself (and never told anyone) and ejected and survived the blast (because magic)' I'd have rather seen the last scene be Alfred sitting at the cafe, and look over and see an empty table.


I think it was just Nolan doing what he thought the audience would want. Keep in mind that a lot of people were upset with how open-ended the ending to Inception was. The studio probably didn't want either an open-ended ending or an ending where Bruce Wayne died.
 
2012-12-26 11:41:37 PM  
I call BS that you could document it all in 4 minutes
 
2012-12-26 11:41:50 PM  
Liam Neeson is not killing anyone in this scene

This man speaks the truth
 
2012-12-26 11:41:52 PM  

FuturePastNow: 3) A city that size would have around 30,000 police officers, and Bain trapped 1/10th that in the sewers.


When Bane trapped all the cops in the city in the sewer, that's when I gave up on the movie. Really? The police are so incompetent that they don't leave a few guys behind to man the fort? That's the kind of plot turn you'd expect in a Keystone Cops movie by Mack Sennett.

And it's just so pretentious and dull. It has too many (boring) characters, barely any Batman, the characters have incomprehensible motivations, the plot is unnecessarily convoluted, and it just takes itself so damn grimly seriously - right down to the sanctimonious Tale of Two Cities/French Revolution references. Ugh. And don't get me started on that laughable street fight in the end - I was waiting for Batman and Bane to break out in a song and dance number straight out of West Side Story. I found myself trying not to laugh through most of it. Worst of all, it has nothing in common with what made the first two Nolan movies so great. When you get right down to it, what Nolan did to Batman in TDKR is no worse than the sins committed against Batman by Burton and Schumacher in the 90s series.
 
2012-12-26 11:43:15 PM  

ZeroCorpse: I really didn't get the impression that Bane was being fed venom with the mask. When it was damaged, he was gasping for air, as if it was an oxygen mask or Darth Vader mask or something of that nature.


The thing I liked about this Bane is that he seemed to have a gentle voice at times, which he used to control others. At the start in the plane - when one of his henchmen hooks up a cable before the bad guys get lifted out - Bane tells him not to because they need find a body, so this guy smiles back and unhooks the cable.

Bane had quite the cult following.
 
2012-12-26 11:45:33 PM  

velvet_fog: FuturePastNow: 3) A city that size would have around 30,000 police officers, and Bain trapped 1/10th that in the sewers.

When Bane trapped all the cops in the city in the sewer, that's when I gave up on the movie. Really? The police are so incompetent that they don't leave a few guys behind to man the fort? That's the kind of plot turn you'd expect in a Keystone Cops movie by Mack Sennett.


I didn't care for that idea, either. However, it was mentioned that cops were being hunted down and arrested, so some didn't go down into the sewers.

// "Death...by exile." I loved that line.
 
2012-12-26 11:45:35 PM  
ITT: WAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

/Buncha farkin crybabies
 
2012-12-26 11:50:37 PM  
I enjoyed the movie: wasn't as good as Dark Knight, better than begins

I'm not sure what was the complaints of the video...but I know some of them by fans.

1)Bane working with Talia/league if shadows. Stupid complaint due to the fact Nolan never said to make a "faithful" adaptation. Scarecrow did not work for Ras. Joker wasn't permawhite.
He always caught the spirit of the characters. Bane was smart and an excelent second in command.

2) Batman quit because of Rachel's death. No he didn't. He stopped because he wasn't needed. Gordons/Batman plan to make Batman a "phantom killer" wirked really well. It prevented harveys cases from being thrown out and it put fear into the criminals. The movie clearly states that crime was at an all time low.

Bruce did let things go because he didn't know what else to do.

3) John Bkake knowing about Bruce. It was established he had an interest in the night Harvey Dent died. It was obvious he was still lookingbinto it. It was also shown that he was a bit of a detective.

Bane/Gordon confrontation left with no one believing Gordon... Something extraordinary had happen, and Batman was the only one who could dealt with things like this.

Blake's monologue was about putting Bruce Wayne at ease. Was telling Bruce... "I can relate" It was about establishing a relationship between Bruce and his successor.

My only complaint, really, was Bruce traveling to Gotham from the prison without showing how.
 
2012-12-26 11:54:45 PM  

NKURyan: bulldg4life:

I think it was just Nolan doing what he thought the audience would want. Keep in mind that a lot of people were upset with how open-ended the ending to Inception was. The studio probably didn't want either an open-ended ending or an ending where Bruce Wayne died.


Yeah, but I don't want to see Nolan doing what he thinks the audience wants him to do, I want him to do what he wants to do. He's the creative one. Audiences are bland and unoriginal, and their ideas would be cliche and derivative. That's why he's the director, and that's why I've liked his previous work.
 
2012-12-26 11:56:03 PM  

simplicimus: So my informal rule that the third superhero movie sucks still holds?


No, it was actually pretty good- just not as good as the second one. Thematically it held up (no good guy turns Bad). Questions posited in the first and second film are resolved in the Third

The main thing its a complete heroic journey of a Superhero from begining to end. It wasn't the movie people wanted, but the movie people deserved.
 
2012-12-26 11:57:03 PM  

Pocket Ninja: I saw this for the first time about two weeks ago. And what I've learned since then is that I did, honestly, enjoy it while I was watching it. I did. But I started hating it the moment it ended and I started to actually think about it -- for many of the same reasons given here, although I hadn't started to itemize my specific grievances so specifically -- and that growing realization that I hate it made me angry at myself for enjoying it while I watched it. Which, in turn, made me hate it even more.  So the entire process essentially turned into a self-feeding vortex of anger and hate. Which is all to say that I now understand Bane and everything he represents, and may be about to undertake the first steps of becoming a supervillain.


This is pretty much how I felt about Prometheus.

/Give me a break, that movie was gorgeous
 
2012-12-26 11:59:29 PM  
Not enough batman. Too much Bruce Wayne.
 
2012-12-27 12:04:08 AM  

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: Not enough batman. Too much Bruce Wayne.


You realize they are the same person, right?
 
2012-12-27 12:12:10 AM  
My problem with the movie is the ending and Catwoman. I despise Catwoman since it always turn into a 'Will Batman get together with Catwoman and commence bat farking!?'
 
2012-12-27 12:19:05 AM  

DamnYankees: The movie certainly wasn't perfect, but it'll be on my top 10 of the year. Just need to see Les Mis and Django to put it together. I refuse to watch Zero Dark Thirty.


Care to elaborate a bit further? I had a similar feeling about United 93 initially. But after mostly good reviews, I relented and saw it. Very good film. I'm thinking maybe the same might happen with Zero Dark Thirty. Not putting it in the 'must see' category just yet.
 
2012-12-27 12:19:40 AM  

Darth_Lukecash: TeddyRooseveltsMustache: Not enough batman. Too much Bruce Wayne.

You realize they are the same person, right?


Geez, SPOILER warning next time!
 
2012-12-27 12:23:44 AM  
Everything mentioned in that clip made me go "huh, WTF?" the first time I watched TDKR too but it didn't kill the movie for me. What I found distracting however was that Bane sounds a helluva lot like Baron Underbheit.
venturefans.org
 
2012-12-27 12:23:55 AM  

Sensual Tyrannosaurus: NKURyan: bulldg4life:

I think it was just Nolan doing what he thought the audience would want. Keep in mind that a lot of people were upset with how open-ended the ending to Inception was. The studio probably didn't want either an open-ended ending or an ending where Bruce Wayne died.

Yeah, but I don't want to see Nolan doing what he thinks the audience wants him to do, I want him to do what he wants to do. He's the creative one. Audiences are bland and unoriginal, and their ideas would be cliche and derivative. That's why he's the director, and that's why I've liked his previous work.


I don't disagree with you. Just sayin'.
 
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