Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Yahoo)   To the left: Seven myths about divorce. To the right: bitter anecdotes about your meanspirited ex-spouses   (shine.yahoo.com) divider line 69
    More: Interesting, divorce rates, primary caregiver, civil laws, divorces  
•       •       •

19930 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Dec 2012 at 2:06 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-12-27 03:47:26 AM  
10 votes:
A REAL WOMAN IS MAN'S BEST FRIEND

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be confident, sexy, seductive and invincible.

No wait ... Sorry ...
I'm thinking of whiskey.
It's whiskey that does all that shiat.
Nevermind.
2012-12-27 03:31:53 AM  
7 votes:
This looks like a good thread for picking up chicks.
2012-12-27 10:57:14 AM  
6 votes:
I like the structure of this article. I think I will copy it. Here are my top three myths about wood:

#1: Wood comes from trees

Not so! According to Dr. Steven Baumgartner, botanist and author of Where Does Wood Come From?, "It's trees. Wood comes from trees. How do you not know this?"


#2: North America contains over 15% of the entire world's forest area

Actually, North America contains 17% of the entire world's forest area according to the Commission for Environmental Cooperation


#3: Allowing wood to dry, or "season", before burning reduces smokiness and heat output.

Jenna Harper, who writes a blog on MySpace called "How to Make a Fire!", notes that if you chop your own wood, you may want to get a good head start. "Don't try to burn unseasoned wood," she said. "It's smoky and doesn't burn very well."


There you have it! Myths -- DEBUNKED!!!!
2012-12-27 02:10:11 AM  
5 votes:
You wanna know why divorce is expensive?

Because it's f*cking worth it.
2012-12-27 04:00:49 PM  
4 votes:

fredklein:
There was a story here on Fark about a man who had a vasectomy, didn't tell his GF, and waited until things got really far along the 'I'm pregnamt, you're the daddy' trail until he revealed it. Funny as hell. Wish i could find it again.


OMG Found it!! Teh Google, it does something! Link, about 9 posts down.

Reproduced here for your reading pleasure:
thismomentinblackhistory [TotalFark]
I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshiat insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the 2 test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"

Well, she goes batshiat insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, "You're screwed".

Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. "I am sterile"

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of shiat. You're trapped and you know it."

I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are 2 test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine."

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshiat, those are fakes."

I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine."

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilogue -

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story -

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

29 Nov 2011 08:41 AM
2012-12-27 03:13:40 AM  
4 votes:
4.bp.blogspot.com
2012-12-27 03:00:50 AM  
4 votes:

rogue_L_chick: I liked my ex.


A number of us liked your ex.

//sorry, couldn't resist
//We didn't like her that much
2012-12-27 02:53:49 AM  
4 votes:

rogue_L_chick: I liked my ex. We were friends. We talked about the kid when we needed, not much contact other than that - but I always thought he was a good guy. A good dad.

Almost 3 months ago he got a job transfer about 2 hours away. I knew it would suck at first, my kid not getting to spend a few weekends a month with his brothers (her 2 and their 1 - all good kids) - but we would make it work.

He's called twice since then. Nothing in the last 2 months. His mom swears he's fine and she has no idea what's happening. He's 12. He stopped asking about a month ago and he doesn't say much about it. I now hate him with the fire of a thousand suns...our son is a good kid, and he didn't deserve this.


Thats what you get for marrying a 12 year old. You perv.
2012-12-27 10:09:05 AM  
3 votes:

sammyk: I will be faithful to her the rest of my days and do not have the slightest doubt she will do the dame.


Threesomes do tend to spice up the marriage a bit. Good for you.
2012-12-27 09:34:59 AM  
3 votes:

tom baker's scarf: She has a bad case of "If I think life should be a certain way then reality must conform to make my vision true."


So she's a woman?
2012-12-27 09:33:17 AM  
3 votes:
100 % of all divorces start in marriage..
2012-12-27 03:14:27 AM  
3 votes:

7th Son of a 7th Son: not_an_indigo: Nothing in there about how young marriage=higher chance of divorce?

Or how having divorced parents decreases one's chances of having a successful marriage?

A coworker of mine got married to his HS sweetheart when he was 21. Didn't even last 2 years. She went through his phone one day and read half of a text convo (which was purely innocent) and she flipped out. He basically said "biatch you're crazy!" and started divorce proceedings.


But then I've been with my girl since we were 18 and we are still just as happy as clams.

Anecdotal evidence is anecdotal. Don't associate with people who are prone to drama. When I want drama I read about other people's terrible relationships on fark.
2012-12-27 02:58:22 AM  
3 votes:
Thankfully...*FAPFAPFAPFAP*.....I...*FAPPITY*...I'm an....*FAPFAPFAP*....an Inde*FAP*pendent...*FAPFAPFAPFAPFAAAAAAAAP*

*foop*
2012-12-27 02:08:31 AM  
3 votes:

hubiestubert: Chances are, you're going to f*ck up that Boobies divorce relationship.


Never divorce the boobies
2012-12-27 04:05:12 PM  
2 votes:
You marry a Lamborghini
chienna.files.wordpress.com
and end up with a Volkswagon bug.
4.bp.blogspot.com
2012-12-27 02:13:11 PM  
2 votes:
Irritated that Myth #5 implys that it's always the women who get alimony.

Sometimes the exwife has to pay up too. You know, as punishment for actually have a wonderful career that she'd worked her ass of for.

There you go guys, get a great lady with a full life and career and lap it up (pun intended) until you get scared that she "doesn't need you enough", quit your job, pretend to be looking for another but really spend your time picking up chicks by telling them that your wife doesn't understand you and never has time for you (neglecting to mention it's because she's working to keep the FARKING house from going into foreclosure), leave her and sue for alimony. In California, you'll win.
2012-12-27 01:59:08 PM  
2 votes:

taurusowner: ShavedApe: This thread makes me want to get a vasectomy.

Do it. No joke. A few days on the couch playing video games and you'll feel good as new. And never be afraid of getting swindled by some chick who's biological clock made her stop taking birth control without telling you again.


Seriously... ^^^^THIS^^^^ x1000000.

Right after the procedure the doc looks at me and says "Congratulation. You just made $250000 for yourself.".

THE BEST decision I *ever* made. There is nothing quite like the look on some chick grifter's face when she pulls the "Oop! You're going to be a daddy" speach and you counter with "Ohhhhhhh... REALLY?!".
2012-12-27 01:28:24 PM  
2 votes:

Real Women Drink Akvavit:
I am known for my poor decisions when it comes to men

How YOU doin'?

2012-12-27 12:28:26 PM  
2 votes:

farkin_noob: /My sisters were pissed because I didn't make him pay child support for a kid that wasn't his.


No offense to you or your family as a whole, but your sisters should be put against a wall and shot.
2012-12-27 12:23:44 PM  
2 votes:
Here's a cool starry bra

My (now ex) wife's besty had been divorced from my pal, had a kid by him
And she couldn't get on her email
She had been on her email using my house computer,
and wanted me to send her info from a work email.
I went through it and found several messages of how she was calluding to get custody of the kid
the plan was:
during her time with the kid, she would have my pal go and pick up the child at school
but she would call the cops and the school saying that he had threatened to take the child
she was going to injure herself and have the other person on her email as a witness.
...
So I sent all the information to my pal. The judge ate her alive in court
he got custody and she pays out the nose

never stick yer lizard in loco
2012-12-27 11:44:13 AM  
2 votes:
What I learned in this thread is that I need to go hang out where the military wives hang out.
2012-12-27 11:20:32 AM  
2 votes:

LouDobbsAwaaaay: PiffMan420: Cutting the biatch's brake line on her car is a lot cheaper than a divorce. You'd also be surprised how many people fall asleep smoking cigarettes and die in house fires. Just a thought.

Even cheaper still is not marrying someone who you want to murder.


How are you supposed to collect the insurance money?
2012-12-27 10:21:22 AM  
2 votes:
I've known my wife for 36 years and we have been married for 29. Although she does get a bit ticked off when I refer to her as my "first wife".
2012-12-27 09:43:29 AM  
2 votes:
You have a Fark login. That right there means, "Stay out of the gene pool."
2012-12-27 08:51:23 AM  
2 votes:

Two16: Wow that article couldn't be more full of shiat if it was a toilet.


People aren't here for the article.
2012-12-27 07:21:09 AM  
2 votes:
I love divorce threads on Fark

"Oh man that b*tch was crazy! She really screwed me over"

"Well what was she like before you married her?"

"Well she f*cked all of my friends, stabbed me and emptied my bank account but I was getting laid so I proposed"
2012-12-27 05:23:53 AM  
2 votes:

From the abyssal chaos of despair and rage, I summon forth the manifestation of marital fury.

i.imgur.com

Arise, KrispyKritter.
2012-12-27 04:39:08 AM  
2 votes:
I just can't imagine why any of you guys have troublesome relationships with women.
2012-12-27 04:31:02 AM  
2 votes:

NicoFinn: My ex husband is gay.


He meant it when he said he wanted a beej.  You should have believed him.
2012-12-27 03:34:51 AM  
2 votes:

StreetlightInTheGhetto: Atomic Spunk: Harry_Seldon: rogue_L_chick: I liked my ex.

A number of us liked your ex.

//sorry, couldn't resist
//We didn't like her that much

From the "chick" part of her username, I'm thinking her ex was probably a dude. NTTAWWT.

Ah, times like this make me feel way better that everyone always assumes I'm a dude at first on this site.

/seriously it says chick...


I assume everyone is trans gender on Fark.
2012-12-27 03:28:19 AM  
2 votes:

Christian Bale: So, three myths out of seven were debunked. Pretty good job, Yahoo!, pretty good.


"You know what Yahoo... we're going to hang this article right on the fridge. Now grandma will see it when she visits! You want some milk?"
2012-12-27 03:20:22 AM  
2 votes:

Harry_Seldon: Atomic Spunk: On those days where you feel that nothing is going right, it sure is nice to have someone to offer you words of encouragement and support. If you ever feel sorry for yourself, it's great to have someone who can remind you of all of the good things in your life.

This is much better...
[www.petside.com image 624x475]


When I find a puppy that can earn a paycheck, do housework, produce a human child, have a lifespan greater than about 12 years and give me a decent blowjob, then I'll be inclined to agree.

Though I've heard that a healthy dose of peanut butter can assist with my last requirement.
2012-12-27 02:29:43 AM  
2 votes:
Myth #1: One in two marriages ends in divorce.

...A more accurate divorce rate for American marriages ranges from 40% to 50%.



Ah, so it might be only as high as 50%. How does the outrageous "1 in 2" myth ever persist ?!!!
2012-12-27 02:21:28 AM  
2 votes:
Things I got in the divorce:

-the house
-my truck
-my motorcycle
-my restored mustang
-my retirement accounts

Things she got:
-her Pruis (which she wrecked two weeks after I filed)
-her piles of credit card debt (which she hid from me before and during the marriage)

The courts don't take too well to women hiding debt, and then admitting to it. Thank FSM we had agreed to keep 50% of our take-home income in separate accounts for personal expenses. That officailly made anything purchased with the money "separate" property. Mine went to toys, and paying down the mortgage, most of hers secretly went to cover her interest payments (it costs quite a bit to pay $20k of debt at 30% interest).

After the divorce, I was made partner at the company and bought myself a sailboat. It's much cheaper than a wife, and gets me a lot more sexy time too.
2012-12-27 02:11:43 AM  
2 votes:
The problem is biatches be crazy.
2012-12-28 12:44:18 AM  
1 votes:
I was, quite frankly, getting my ass kicked in my divorce trial.

My wife's scorched-earth attorney was blistering me on the stand.

And then, something happened. Something wonderful.

Her lawyer said some sort of legal gobbledygook, and the oh-so-patient judge corrected her gently...

To which she made a reply that I will remember to my last dying breath: "You obviously don't understand the legal statute in question here, your honor".

The entire courtroom, packed to the rafters for assembly-line divorce hearing Tuesday, let out a collective "whooooooa"...

What followed was the legal equivalent of the Drill Sergeant scene in Full Metal Jacket.

Trial quickly ended and I came away smiling and very, very financially intact.
2012-12-27 05:24:00 PM  
1 votes:
i.imgur.com
2012-12-27 02:21:49 PM  
1 votes:
Whenever the hubs gets on my nerves, I smile sweetly and remind him: "Until death do us part" and then I laugh maniacally.

/40 years this coming July.
//Until death.
///Bwahahaha!
2012-12-27 01:27:06 PM  
1 votes:

Spanky McStupid: InternetSecurityGuard: I've known my wife for 36 years and we have been married for 29. Although she does get a bit ticked off when I refer to her as my "first wife".

So, does she refer to you as her "last husband"?


Naw, nothing quite that formal. She prefers "asshole".
2012-12-27 01:01:48 PM  
1 votes:

Atomic Spunk: Harry_Seldon: Atomic Spunk: On those days where you feel that nothing is going right, it sure is nice to have someone to offer you words of encouragement and support. If you ever feel sorry for yourself, it's great to have someone who can remind you of all of the good things in your life.

This is much better...
[www.petside.com image 624x475]

When I find a puppy that can earn a paycheck, do housework, produce a human child, have a lifespan greater than about 12 years and give me a decent blowjob, then I'll be inclined to agree.

Though I've heard that a healthy dose of peanut butter can assist with my last requirement.



Just don't use "crunchy style."

/trust me on this
2012-12-27 12:38:51 PM  
1 votes:

taurusowner: farkin_noob: /My sisters were pissed because I didn't make him pay child support for a kid that wasn't his.

No offense to you or your family as a whole, but your sisters should be put against a wall and shot.


I take no offense. My sisters are crazy biatches. Being the youngest of six girls means they got all the crazy. ;-)
2012-12-27 11:16:41 AM  
1 votes:

Another Pretentious Nickname: three myths about wood


schrutefacts.jpg
2012-12-27 11:07:05 AM  
1 votes:
My brother's divorce rate is 66% so he's keeping the percentage high for the rest of us.
2012-12-27 10:58:00 AM  
1 votes:

TapDancingTamarin: I packed up and moved to southern Missouri where he was


In my experience, that should be a huge red flag to most people.
2012-12-27 10:38:54 AM  
1 votes:
Cutting the biatch's brake line on her car is a lot cheaper than a divorce. You'd also be surprised how many people fall asleep smoking cigarettes and die in house fires. Just a thought.
2012-12-27 10:37:46 AM  
1 votes:

taurusowner: tom baker's scarf: taurusowner: tom baker's scarf: She has a bad case of "If I think life should be a certain way then reality must conform to make my vision true."

So she's a woman?

well everyone suffers once and a while suffers from "It made sense to me, why didn't everyone else see it?" syndrome. That's just part of being human. the ex elevates it to an (dark) art. When other people fall victim to their own beliefs they have a tendency to, at some level, say "That didn't work out. Maybe my idea was inherently flawed?" Sometimes the answer is that it didn't work out because life doesn't always work out and there wasn't anything you could do about it. However, if it NEVER works out then you should probably start thinking about the common element in all your failed plans. That second part is the leap she can't quite make, again in no small part due to low self esteem/daddy issues.

Just out of curiosity, but do you know if your ex was really hot in high school and college? it seems women who grew into adulthood as very attractive young women get so used to men doing everything they can for them, that the attitude sticks with them for life. Even if they get old and nasty, gaining that "well OF COURSE everyone around me should do what I like because I'm pretty" attitude early in life seems to really set in and cause all sorts of problems later on when they're expected to act like an equal half of a relationship with a man, You're right that not all women are like this all the time, but I think that the hotter they were when they were younger, the more likely it is. They learn early what it's like to be treated like a princess and how to manipulate men, and they never want to give it up, even when it causes misery and disaster.


I have seen that dynamic but that isn't the major contributor with her.

She was attractive, above average in small town but not the hottest in the school by far. I'm all but certain it really is a self esteem issue. If you know that you are basically good/smart/etc you can accept the fact that you fail every now an again, you learn, you move on.

If on the other hand you instinctively thing you are stupid/worthless/etc you obviously, desperately want not to be and so you blind yourself to all you mistakes and failures because they only serve as proof of your stupidity. Of course on some level you know you've failed to the easiest thing to do is blame someone/something else because you MUST/NEED to be right. The easiest person to blame are the ones who loves you because they will absorb a lot of punishment, right up until they won't anymore.
2012-12-27 10:35:59 AM  
1 votes:

mikefinch: willfullyobscure: this entire thread smells like ballsack and Cheetos. ought to be a sign out front that says STINKY GURLS NOT ALOWD.

It's like going to the zoo but instead of tigers and monkeys you get to peer into the lives of sad crazy people.

I like it.



But seriously, this can't be a healthy place for any female, whatever the status of their relationship, the entire thing is a snowball of misogyny and fingerpointing and dudes that probably should be in prison boasting about how they put their ex wives in the poor house out of spite. brrr. creep-tastic.
2012-12-27 10:03:55 AM  
1 votes:
A coworkers CSB:
In his divorce papers, he and the ex agreed that she would get 'the white car'. No make, model, or year listed. She meant it as her getting his benz. He meant it as trading the mercedes to a buddy for the buddy's white pinto, and then giving that to her.

Amazingly enough, since he followed the written agreement to the word, the judge let it go through.
2012-12-27 09:56:34 AM  
1 votes:
The only thing I learned from my parents divorce, after 30 years of marriage, was never get married. This idea has been confirmed to me by every older married guy I ever met. They all say the same thing, "don't do it, it turns to crap no matter what you do, at best it's a tedious bore, at worst it's a living hell with financial ruin thrown in for good measure." I see friends who are married and they're all miserable, both spouses in every marriage have gained significant weight, after a few drinks they privately tell me their sex life sucks, one said it's like being in prison with a big fat cellmate who doesn't want to have sex with you.

Today after work I'm going to stop off for a pizza and a few beers, I dare one of the married men to do that without their wife's permission and see how that works out for you. If you get married once, fine, you were in love, or thought you were. If you get divorced and then marry again, you have a concussion.
2012-12-27 09:31:03 AM  
1 votes:
I was divorced about twenty years ago and am way past it now... though I chose not to marry again I did enter a new relationship that recently ended after eight years together and I learned to my surprise that I had been married again! Something called "common law".
But the good news was that common law divorce was a lot easier; we didn't have to go to court, just down to WalMart to have our lay-away account split into two... and common law alimony is a lot easier too! I have to give her my roll-over minutes every month and three black trash bags of aluminum cans (un-crushed) that I pick up beside the highway.
2012-12-27 09:03:11 AM  
1 votes:
this entire thread smells like ballsack and Cheetos. ought to be a sign out front that says STINKY GURLS NOT ALOWD.
2012-12-27 08:52:19 AM  
1 votes:
+1 to Minnesota divorce. No court, just sign away for a notary and its done. No alimony, was cheap, kept all my stuff (except the ps3... totally worth it).

#3 caught me offguard though...I'd like to think I've learned my lesson the first time around. Then again I'd consider marrying my GF just to save on medical bills, sooooo, I probably didn't learn a thing.

I like to consider myself a hero for destroying the sanctity of marriage.
2012-12-27 08:48:39 AM  
1 votes:
Wow that article couldn't be more full of shiat if it was a toilet.
2012-12-27 08:48:33 AM  
1 votes:

Greywar: Lets see...
Divorce #1, she got the kids, then later when I made more money then she had ever seen, she asked for 2/3rds of it in child support, I asked for the kids, judge told me no because I owed child support from before I made tons of money (I was paying it down), then told her he was tir3ed of seeing people like her try to take every dime the guy had..and ordered the minimum child support he was allowed to. $50/month per kid. Attorney was so upset that I didn't get custody that he waived his fee. (no joke). 6 years later she asked me to take one of them saying she was "too much like you". Asked me if I wanted to go to court to get the child support re-evaluated. heck no..any judge looking at it again would have nailed me for $1000/mo even if I had one of the two kids because she made so little. So for the last 5 years I paid child support on a kid that lived with me.

Divorce #2, she got the kids, claimed abuse, etc etc. I didn't get to see my kids for 5 years. Finally got to see them again-long story short in the end she ran off again, I hired a PI and a lawyer, and had her served with custody papers...the same day the state took the kids from her for neglect. They placed the kids with me, and thousands of dollars later in attorney fee's I have custody of my kids.

Divorce #3, no kids, she left me for a friend. long story. But...get this...her kids refused to go with her, and instead ended up staying with me. she paid child support as did her ex, but not nearly enough to really cover the cost. Her son just came up to visit for the holidays, he spent 2 weeks at my house...and 5 hours at hers. LOL.

And I DO know someone whose ex-wife takes 1/2 his income, and while doing so got herself a phd, and a BF with a ton of money..but she wont marry him because then she would lose 1/2 her income from this guy. Thats down in California. If he is any guide..dont get divorced in CA.


Sounds like you ended up with a bunch of kids.
2012-12-27 08:18:35 AM  
1 votes:

Christian Bale: Myth #6: The mother almost always gets custody of the children.

Legally, though, that's not the case....The best interest of the child also could preclude a mom from gaining custody, says Dr. Tessina. If a judge doesn't deem that the mother meets the state's standards for being a fit parent, she won't be awarded primary custody. If both parents are fit to raise the child, they're typically granted shared custody.

So in other words, the mother doesn't always get custody of the children, but she almost always gets custody of the children. Busted yet another myth!


I came here to address this point as well. The article basically says that is the woman is not deemed insane by the state, she will get custody. I find that to be true in my experience as well. I suppose it is a myth that I always use 87 Octane gas then because a couple of times a year I put premium in.
2012-12-27 08:00:25 AM  
1 votes:
While mine was a 'long term' marriage (in NC) she got one of the houses (McMansion) the kids, my 1/2 of the business, 1/2 of 70% of my money markets/401K/etc (her attorney forgot the other ones - oops) and I have the satisfaction of sleeping in a real bed for the first time in 4 years, can watch/do/say whatever I want and have iron-clad faith that despite the coldest, loneliness night of my future life, it will still be more comforting, satisfying and warm that trying to poke that dried, smokey husky a Brillo pad that had once been a vagina... nor will I miss her 'Stevie Wonder', areola s as large as slices of fried bologna or the endless options of either missionary position, missionary position or missionary position.

Oh - and I finally found (albeit temporary) a woman that absolutely loved to schtup and finally FINALLY got a hummer - first one since 1989 - but I got one orally fixated, swimmer slurping woman - so I know they're out there.
2012-12-27 06:29:55 AM  
1 votes:

Greywar: Lets see...
Divorce #1, she got the kids, words and stuff if I had one of the two kids because she made so little. So for the last 5 years I paid child support on a kid that lived with me.

Divorce #2, she got the kids, still talking.

Divorce #3, dude, just whack it her kids refused to go with her, and instead ended up staying with me.
Something about california.


How many kids do you have? Holy crap dude, you're like a dysfunctional Cosby Show.

/Keep it in your pants.
2012-12-27 06:14:21 AM  
1 votes:

JesusJuice: Ex-wife started making noise about alimony and taking the house. I threatened to sue for custody of her daughter from a previous marriage. She stopped pursuing alimony, and I got the house. There's no room for honor in a divorce.


Sadly, this. My ex got it into her head that I had between 40 and 100K stashed away somewhere (loooooong story), and was aided and abetted by a dimwitted lawyer who had never done a divorce case in her career.The result was three years of misery while I waited for things to work themselves out.

Now, on the other hand, my lawyer could best be described as a cross between Matlock and Darth Vader. He counseled patience, and it paid off in the end. At just the time her lawyer figured out that the ex might be just a wee bit crazy, he threw a few curve balls and the ex's lawyer jumped at the chance to settle. The ex gets a chunk of my USAF retirement every month (Federal law requires it, I really don't have that much of a problem with it, and she doesn't get anywhere near as much as she thought she was getting) and nothing else.

And in the meantime, I met - and had the good sense to marry - a smart, hot, and loving woman who wants me to be happy...and I do my damnedest to repay the favor,
2012-12-27 04:44:23 AM  
1 votes:

Greywar: Lets see...
Divorce #1
Divorce #2
Divorce #3


Dude. You're supposed to get with the hot crazy chicks, and fark them silly... not MARRY them.
2012-12-27 03:58:33 AM  
1 votes:

NicoFinn: My ex husband is gay.


way to go.
2012-12-27 03:30:41 AM  
1 votes:

StreetlightInTheGhetto: Atomic Spunk: Harry_Seldon: rogue_L_chick: I liked my eSNIPSNIP

From the "chick" part of her username, I'm thinking her ex was probably a dude. NTTAWWT.

Ah, times like this make me feel way better that everyone always assumes I'm a dude at first on this site.

/seriously it says chick...


I assume all farkers are genderless overweight white people who have disgusting amounts of money to spend on booze I couldn't ever choke down while they try and find reasons the days pornography is not up to snuff.
2012-12-27 03:16:42 AM  
1 votes:

mikefinch: Anecdotal evidence is anecdotal. Don't associate with people who are prone to drama. When I want drama I read about other people's terrible relationships on fark.


Best advice I have ever seen here on fark.  My boyfriend and I have zero drama and we don't get bent out of shape over pointless stuff.
2012-12-27 02:53:00 AM  
1 votes:

ThighsofGlory: Real Women Drink Akvavit: Dinjiin: not_an_indigo: Nothing in there about how young marriage=higher chance of divorce?  Or how having divorced parents decreases one's chances of having a successful marriage?

I wonder if people getting married later in life has something to do with the overall declining divorce rates.

I would not be surprised if that were the case. I was married at 18 and I honestly don't think any 18 year old is fully equipped to make that kind of decision and pick up on warning signs, especially if they're in love. True, my ex ended up being diagnosed with significant mental health issues later, but someone a bit older than 18 probably would have picked up the warning signs a lot earlier than I did and known to leave ASAP when he quit taking his meds because he was "better". You never know, though. I've seen some stuff on Investigation Discovery about women who are the age I am now who are still not very good at the picking up on signs thingie.

/love truly is blind

No. Love is freaking dumb as a post.


I would have gone with "dumb as a box of rocks" or "I can count to potato!" just to mock me, but I like yours, too.
;-)
2012-12-27 02:40:21 AM  
1 votes:
i3.ytimg.com

LOVE STINKS! Yeah, yeah.
2012-12-27 02:20:54 AM  
1 votes:
Luckily (in a strange way), my ex tried to kill me, so I didn't have to pay alimony. He was in prison. YAY!

I am known for my poor decisions when it comes to men, that's why I finally just took some time off and said "no more dating, die alone, you stupid, chubby biatch". Now I have my first date in years, coming up New Year's Eve. I am being very, very cautious with this one, and he knows it. When I asked him out today (yes, I got brave!) we had lunch together and talked for a couple hours. We're both pretty battered by our pasts, but we both gave it a rest for a long time, so he's being cautious as well. I think that's a good thing. I also think it's a good sign that once the ice was broken we were able to be so open and honest with each other. At least I hope it is a good sign, otherwise I'll lose faith in myself completely. I just started regaining it after years of solitude, so I really don't want to lose it again.

*fingers crossed*
2012-12-27 02:14:59 AM  
1 votes:

sammyk: I will be faithful to her the rest of my days and do not have the slightest doubt she will do the dame.


Gigity.
2012-12-27 02:11:31 AM  
1 votes:
FTA:

Myth 1 Headline: One in two marriages ends in divorce.
Myth 1 Body: A more accurate divorce rate for American marriages ranges from 40% to 50%

Uhhh...that's probably not how I would lead off the article, if I was writing it.
2012-12-27 12:46:30 AM  
1 votes:
I know a few people that won't get divorced because of "the kids". Don't want to fark them up, or risk losing them because the other spouse is from another state and will take them away.

I say they deserve their misery.
2012-12-26 10:26:22 PM  
1 votes:
Divorce is ugly, but it's survivable.

The thing about it, is that it erodes confidence in your decision making capabilities. It shatters your conceptions of what you think you want. It means that what you thought you wanted, wasn't. It takes time to get over. It takes time to get your groove back. It changes said groove, or at least, if you're smart, it should.

You took someone into your life, and you swore before God and your family and friends that THIS was the one. And it wasn't. That means, if you're smart, you take a few to consider what you really wanted. What went wrong. What you missed. What you glossed over. What mistakes YOU made. There is plenty of time for recrimination, but if you're smart, take some time to figure YOUR sh*t out. Anger, recrimination, and the rest, those are natural, but at the end of things, you have to figure out your own culpability, or you're going to make the same damn mistakes again.

That means that maybe, just maybe, you don't date for a bit. And accept that the first time you do, that it's going to be a bit rocky, on your part. In part because you're out of practice, in part because no matter how ready you think you are, you're probably not. Chances are, you're going to f*ck up that Boobies divorce relationship. Don't pin your hopes and dreams on that one, because it's for practice. If the gal or guy you're dating post divorce is smart will realize this, and give you some space, and will be understanding. Chances are, you're going to screw it up by expecting things to be easy, and that you're ready. You probably won't be, and you'll realize that fairly soon. It's a learning curve. You may get lucky. You may be amazingly lucky, or you may find someone who realizes that you're damaged goods and is patient and decent, but the odds aren't great for that. Especially if they're post divorce too. Understand that going in. If and when it falls apart, you can't let that shake you back down to the core, but learn from it. And hopefully, be smart enough to stay friends with this person, because you owe them a lot.

The thing about divorce is, that it's like a cycle of addiction. You get out, and you are immediately set back emotionally to the place you were when you started the whole shebang. If that was a relationship you started in college, boy howdy, you are in for a rude awakening. Common wisdom says the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone, and in part, that can be true, but it's real hard on the folks you date. If you don't want to be an asshat, you might want to check that impulse, because these are real people, and they have feelings, and as screwed up as you are probably going to be for awhile, you might want to get back down to some hardcore YOU time. Taking time after you split is natural. It's time to reflect. Time to get your sh*t together. I urge you to do exactly that, so you do less damage. To yourself. To others.

There IS a good side. You learn a lot about yourself after a divorce. And during a divorce. You can take those lessons and do something constructive, or you can bury them and continue the cycles that got you into the mess in the first place. That is the route that most folks take, and it takes some time to master. You don't have to be a monk, but maybe take some time to figure out what you really want, and where you screwed up. And be honest about it. Not just with your partners, but with yourself. It probably means confronting some ugly sh*t about yourself. What your illusions were going into things. What your expectations were vs reality. It ain't easy. It IS worth the time you spend getting your head and heart right.

Not every relationship post divorce is going to be serious. Heck, it's probably a good idea to have something entirely casual, so you don't try to replace ONE serious relationship with another, because that is an ugly road, and it hangs a LOT of baggage on the new one. Let the new ones be their own thing. Celebrate those things. Celebrate the new. The new relationship. The new trust you have in yourself. The new person. The new road you're taking. Be careful, be honest, and don't try to force relationships into being something they ain't. That goes for any break up, but marriage is special in that you had all these dreams of getting old with someone that didn't pan out, and that rocks you. It's supposed to. If it doesn't, then there is something wrong. You might want to ponder that a moment, and figure out what that is, and THEN move on, otherwise you're going to wind up making the same damn mistakes. In choosing partners. In dealing with partners. In dealing with the relationship in general.

There is life after divorce, and even great times ahead, but you need to consider some things before getting back out there. Do that, and take the time to ponder a bit, and you'll be better for it. Swears.
 
Displayed 69 of 69 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report