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(Yahoo)   To the left: Seven myths about divorce. To the right: bitter anecdotes about your meanspirited ex-spouses   (shine.yahoo.com) divider line 430
    More: Interesting, divorce rates, primary caregiver, civil laws, divorces  
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19924 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Dec 2012 at 2:06 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-27 04:32:51 AM  
Lets see...
Divorce #1, she got the kids, then later when I made more money then she had ever seen, she asked for 2/3rds of it in child support, I asked for the kids, judge told me no because I owed child support from before I made tons of money (I was paying it down), then told her he was tir3ed of seeing people like her try to take every dime the guy had..and ordered the minimum child support he was allowed to. $50/month per kid. Attorney was so upset that I didn't get custody that he waived his fee. (no joke). 6 years later she asked me to take one of them saying she was "too much like you". Asked me if I wanted to go to court to get the child support re-evaluated. heck no..any judge looking at it again would have nailed me for $1000/mo even if I had one of the two kids because she made so little. So for the last 5 years I paid child support on a kid that lived with me.

Divorce #2, she got the kids, claimed abuse, etc etc. I didn't get to see my kids for 5 years. Finally got to see them again-long story short in the end she ran off again, I hired a PI and a lawyer, and had her served with custody papers...the same day the state took the kids from her for neglect. They placed the kids with me, and thousands of dollars later in attorney fee's I have custody of my kids.

Divorce #3, no kids, she left me for a friend. long story. But...get this...her kids refused to go with her, and instead ended up staying with me. she paid child support as did her ex, but not nearly enough to really cover the cost. Her son just came up to visit for the holidays, he spent 2 weeks at my house...and 5 hours at hers. LOL.

And I DO know someone whose ex-wife takes 1/2 his income, and while doing so got herself a phd, and a BF with a ton of money..but she wont marry him because then she would lose 1/2 her income from this guy. Thats down in California. If he is any guide..dont get divorced in CA.
 
2012-12-27 04:34:53 AM  

TomD9938: My brothers wife recently left him after 25 years marriage. No abuse, drunkenness or secret fabulousness, just that the kids were gone off to college and she got bored - wanted to start a new life.


Statistically, most divorces are initiated by the wife and the number one reason for wanting a divorce is "I don't feel fulfilled" or some variation such as your brother's ex gave.

Work 25 years building a home, raising children, taking care of the wife, trying to be a good husband.  Your reward for that is betrayal.
 
2012-12-27 04:37:23 AM  
If you wonder why divorces favors the female, you're smart enough to not get married.

Its a terrible contract for a man to enter and will only benefit a crazy woman timebomb you'll have to hire a lawyer to get out of your bank accounts and then you still might be buying Jody's new truck while he's sleeping in the house you used to own but still make payments on.

But if youre the sort who knows that love is important and your wife will never change.....go right on a head.
 
2012-12-27 04:37:53 AM  

Christian Bale: Myth #6: The mother almost always gets custody of the children.

Legally, though, that's not the case....The best interest of the child also could preclude a mom from gaining custody, says Dr. Tessina. If a judge doesn't deem that the mother meets the state's standards for being a fit parent, she won't be awarded primary custody. If both parents are fit to raise the child, they're typically granted shared custody.

So in other words, the mother doesn't always get custody of the children, but she almost always gets custody of the children. Busted yet another myth!


/CSB

My dear sweet abusive alcoholic brother, that I wouldn't trust to make an adult decision if his life depended on it, was actually awarded full custody of his kid in a divorce.

Apparently the wife was just that farked up that HE looked like the good option to the judge.
 
2012-12-27 04:38:43 AM  

Bomb Head Mohammed: "But alimony may not be granted even if the woman wasn't working during the marriage-if she has the skill set and physical ability to find a job that pays as well as her ex's."

Wow. Sexist much, article?


Nope. That's how the law reads in a lot of states.

Alimony is not nearly as common as it used to be for this reason.
 
2012-12-27 04:39:08 AM  
I just can't imagine why any of you guys have troublesome relationships with women.
 
2012-12-27 04:42:38 AM  

Another Government Employee: OgreMagi: Myth #6: The mother almost always gets custody of the children.

The article goes on to say how both parents are granted equal time and that custody is awarded based on the best interest of the children.  None of this contradicts the myth, which isn't a farking myth.  Custody is usually granted to the mother unless she is bloody obviously unfit, and sometimes not even then.

And some states, it is MUCH harder to get to that standard than others. My niece is now $40K and 4 1/2 years into getting custody of her step daughter. Bio unit has been arrested twice and has absconded with the child three times. And the judge still keeps letting her slide.


My brother's ex was spending all the money on coke.  After he divorced her, he did everything he could to gain custody and failed. Even after she became physically violent when the judge ordered an immediate drug test and was literally dragged off for the test (which she failed), he didn't gain custody.  We had never heard of a judge putting up with that kind of behavior in a court.  Must be the same judge.
 
2012-12-27 04:44:23 AM  

Greywar: Lets see...
Divorce #1
Divorce #2
Divorce #3


Dude. You're supposed to get with the hot crazy chicks, and fark them silly... not MARRY them.
 
2012-12-27 04:45:40 AM  

Genevieve Marie: I just can't imagine why any of you guys have troublesome relationships with women.


The correlatory truism to "No matter how beautiful she is, someone somewhere is tired of her shiat" is, "No matter how much of an asshole he is, someone somewhere will put up with his shiat". :)
 
2012-12-27 04:46:52 AM  

Genevieve Marie: Christian Bale: So in other words, the mother doesn't always get custody of the children, but she almost always gets custody of the children. Busted yet another myth!

It then goes on to say that if both parents are considered fit, then joint custody is typically awarded.


There are two types of custody: physical custody and legal custody. Physical custody, which determines where the kids live and who has to pay child support, is almost always granted to the mother unless she is unfit, which is a very high standard to prove. Unless Mom is demonstrably crazy, on drugs, or in and out of jail, she normally gets physical custody if she wants it. Legal custody, which is often awarded jointly, just gives both parents the right to participate in major life decisions such as religion and education. It's basically veto power, and it's not very effective when the two ex-spouses aren't reasonably cooperative with each other.

One thing that sucks about child support, in my state at least, is that there is no guarantee that the money will actually be used for the child's benefit. And there is no credit given for the expenses incurred by the parent without physical custody for having a larger home than would otherwise be needed to accommodate the kids, or for the non-custodial parent's purchases of food, clothing and other items for the children. I don't have any sympathy for deadbeats, but it's definitely a broken system.
 
2012-12-27 04:48:28 AM  

OgreMagi: Statistically, most divorces are initiated by the wife and the number one reason for wanting a divorce is "I don't feel fulfilled" or some variation such as your brother's ex gave.


I'd LOVE to see some numbers to back that up.
 
2012-12-27 04:51:18 AM  

Naptowner: Genevieve Marie: Christian Bale: So in other words, the mother doesn't always get custody of the children, but she almost always gets custody of the children. Busted yet another myth!

It then goes on to say that if both parents are considered fit, then joint custody is typically awarded.

There are two types of custody: physical custody and legal custody. Physical custody, which determines where the kids live and who has to pay child support, is almost always granted to the mother unless she is unfit, which is a very high standard to prove. Unless Mom is demonstrably crazy, on drugs, or in and out of jail, she normally gets physical custody if she wants it. Legal custody, which is often awarded jointly, just gives both parents the right to participate in major life decisions such as religion and education. It's basically veto power, and it's not very effective when the two ex-spouses aren't reasonably cooperative with each other.

One thing that sucks about child support, in my state at least, is that there is no guarantee that the money will actually be used for the child's benefit. And there is no credit given for the expenses incurred by the parent without physical custody for having a larger home than would otherwise be needed to accommodate the kids, or for the non-custodial parent's purchases of food, clothing and other items for the children. I don't have any sympathy for deadbeats, but it's definitely a broken system.


That's a fair assessment. I wasn't trying to imply that I think child custody laws are perfect by any stretch.

starsrift: Genevieve Marie: I just can't imagine why any of you guys have troublesome relationships with women.

The correlatory truism to "No matter how beautiful she is, someone somewhere is tired of her shiat" is, "No matter how much of an asshole he is, someone somewhere will put up with his shiat". :)


Eh, truthfully? I've always hated the first statement. It completely discounts the possibility of a happy relationship, or  that the woman being viewed is a great person who makes the people around her happy.

The second one I would say is probably true, simply because there are definitely a lot of people who make terrible choices. It could also be a gender neutral statement. I say we adopt that one and retire the first saying entirely.
 
2012-12-27 04:53:15 AM  
Thinking about it, of the 8 weddings I have been to in the last 10 years, 3 of them ended in divorce

Depressingly average
 
2012-12-27 05:07:59 AM  

Naptowner: One thing that sucks about child support, in my state at least, is that there is no guarantee that the money will actually be used for the child's benefit.


As I mentioned in a previous post, my brother's ex was doing a lot of coke. She kept snorting the child support my brother was paying, resulting in no food in the house, lose of electricity for non-payment, etc.  My brother tried to get the judge to let him pay bills directly and get credit on his child support.  The judge denied the request.
 
2012-12-27 05:23:53 AM  

From the abyssal chaos of despair and rage, I summon forth the manifestation of marital fury.

i.imgur.com

Arise, KrispyKritter.
 
2012-12-27 05:24:45 AM  
Got married at 20. I was a young Corporal of Marines, she was an even younger college student... I paid her way through a five-year master's program, and we had a fairly decent relationship - a few fights, but nothing too serious - until my first deployment. She decided that her limit for time without penis was 4 months, I was out of the country for 7.

I came home and was extremely distressed by the lack of enthusiasm that she showed for my return. Quick kiss, then into the car... mostly silent ride home (45 minute drive) and then a few awkward, sexless nights. She decided on morning #3 that she was ready for sex with me... woke me up for it in the wee hours of the morning, and hopped in the shower right after it was done, leaving her phone on the night stand. While she was in the shower, she got a text from a guy that she'd known for longer than she'd known me saying "Good morning to the most beautiful woman in the world!"

I flipped the hell out and accused her of cheating on me... I started going through all the bank records and looking at the activity on the cell phone... and all of it pointed to an affair, but there was nothing conclusive that couldn't be attributed to "He's been a really supportive friend." Three weeks of constant fighting went by, and I finally just said "screw this, I'm taking leave and going to my mom's house. I don't know when I'll be back."

I set up her MSN messenger account to record everything (because that had always been her primary means of communication with people) and took off. I came back unnanounced, while she was at work, a week later. I immediately hopped on the computer and found 12 pages of chat logs between the two of them talking about places where they'd screwed (including HER PARENTS' BED), ways that they'd spent my money (including buying clothes with money that my grandfather sent for my birthday while I was deployed, and I had no idea about) and how much of a dick they thought I was. I called her, screaming at the phone so loudly that she couldn't understand a word for the first half an hour, until I finally calmed down enough to say "I read your conversations with him, biatch. You're done." and hung up.

I then called her dad and told him what was happening, and I read him the excerpt about screwing on his bed. His response was as concise as it gets, "It's a 4 hour drive to your house. I'll rent a trailer and I'll be there in 6 hours to pick up her stuff."

Then I went on base and headed straight for medical to get a blood test for STDs. Thankfully, all clear.

A week later, my unit got called up to respond to the earthquake in Haiti, leaving me with no way to make sure the bills were paid except to have HER pay them... she agreed to stop by twice per month until I returned and pay all the bills in return for a smoother divorce. A month after I left, she started sending me emails threatening to stop paying my bills, and saying that she was going to take me to court to get alimony. My reply was simple, "If you try to take one dime, I'll have your boyfriend thrown in the brig. I know he's helping you pay your tuition, so you'd have to either quit school or start stripping to make ends meet." She dropped the matter entirely and cooperated with the divorce from then on out. She got a dresser that was hers before the wedding, and her POS '95 Chevy Cavalier with 215k on it... and that's it.

I then made the mistake of quickly re-marrying, this time having a kid with her... two or three times a week, we'd have these fights that lasted half a day or more. After one of them, I went to work... she put an ad on Craigslist - yes, one of THOSE ads on Craigslist - and got about 20 replies, most of them just dickpics... but one guy "was nice" so she started talking to him. They never met, but he was an 'internet boyfriend' for about a month, and the only thing that stopped them from meeting was the lack of a discrete enough babysitter. She confessed it to me because she felt bad about it and thought it would mean a chance to fix the relationship... but it cut open the same wound that hadn't healed properly the first time. She had to go.

So now I'm 25, working on divorce #2, and I haven't seen my daughter in almost a month because her coont of a mother decided she needed to move to another state and stop answering my calls.

Women.
 
2012-12-27 05:29:19 AM  

hubiestubert: Divorce is ugly, but it's survivable.

The thing about it, is that it erodes confidence in your decision making capabilities. It shatters your conceptions of what you think you want. It means that what you thought you wanted, wasn't. It takes time to get over. It takes time to get your groove back. It changes said groove, or at least, if you're smart, it should.

You took someone into your life, and you swore before God and your family and friends that THIS was the one. And it wasn't. That means, if you're smart, you take a few to consider what you really wanted. What went wrong. What you missed. What you glossed over. What mistakes YOU made. There is plenty of time for recrimination, but if you're smart, take some time to figure YOUR sh*t out. Anger, recrimination, and the rest, those are natural, but at the end of things, you have to figure out your own culpability, or you're going to make the same damn mistakes again.

That means that maybe, just maybe, you don't date for a bit. And accept that the first time you do, that it's going to be a bit rocky, on your part. In part because you're out of practice, in part because no matter how ready you think you are, you're probably not. Chances are, you're going to f*ck up that Boobies divorce relationship. Don't pin your hopes and dreams on that one, because it's for practice. If the gal or guy you're dating post divorce is smart will realize this, and give you some space, and will be understanding. Chances are, you're going to screw it up by expecting things to be easy, and that you're ready. You probably won't be, and you'll realize that fairly soon. It's a learning curve. You may get lucky. You may be amazingly lucky, or you may find someone who realizes that you're damaged goods and is patient and decent, but the odds aren't great for that. Especially if they're post divorce too. Understand that going in. If and when it falls apart, you can't let that shake you back down to the core, but learn from it. And hopefully ...


This.

One thing I have learned is that there are worse things than being alone.

Sometimes there's being alone with someone.
 
2012-12-27 05:31:17 AM  

Rhino_man: So now I'm 25, working on divorce #2, and I haven't seen my daughter in almost a month because her coont of a mother decided she needed to move to another state and stop answering my calls.

Women.


First of all, two women probably don't constitute a representative sample of of half the world's population.

Second of all... if you came out of two bad marriages that ended the same way with the idea that they ended badly because women are bad, you didn't learn anything. You might want to spend a little time reflecting on your own contributions to making the relationships unhappy. Takes two, etc.
 
2012-12-27 05:37:21 AM  
Married a Japanese girl. She disappeared with our baby and left the country without warning while I was at work. Got a letter from her lawyer initiating divorce proceedings from Japan. When I flew there, I was arrested when I went to her house to speak to her. Had the pleasure of getting divorced in another country in another language. Haven't seen my son since then. The best thing is that there is no way they can compel alimony from me. Still don't know what the problem was - she never gave any reason.

Now for the real advice...there is only 1 way to recover from a divorce - that's to be farking a hot chick 10 years younger than the ex ;)
 
2012-12-27 05:38:33 AM  

Genevieve Marie: Rhino_man: So now I'm 25, working on divorce #2, and I haven't seen my daughter in almost a month because her coont of a mother decided she needed to move to another state and stop answering my calls.

Women.

First of all, two women probably don't constitute a representative sample of of half the world's population.

Second of all... if you came out of two bad marriages that ended the same way with the idea that they ended badly because women are bad, you didn't learn anything. You might want to spend a little time reflecting on your own contributions to making the relationships unhappy. Takes two, etc.


Someone is defensive Genevieve
 
2012-12-27 05:38:39 AM  

Genevieve Marie: Rhino_man: So now I'm 25, working on divorce #2, and I haven't seen my daughter in almost a month because her coont of a mother decided she needed to move to another state and stop answering my calls.

Women.

First of all, two women probably don't constitute a representative sample of of half the world's population.

Second of all... if you came out of two bad marriages that ended the same way with the idea that they ended badly because women are bad, you didn't learn anything. You might want to spend a little time reflecting on your own contributions to making the relationships unhappy. Takes two, etc.


First of all, it was an expression of frustration - not a judgment passed upon 51% of the world's population.

Second of all, what I learned is that I need to take the time to make sure that the woman I'm marrying isn't crazy before I marry her. True story, wife #2 had been pressuring me for about a year to be a farking polygamist because she didn't want to be alone at home while I was at work, and another wife would keep her company. The bad thing is that she started all of the crazy after it was too late... not just after the wedding, she waited until she was pregnant to go berserk.
 
2012-12-27 05:40:23 AM  

Smirky the Wonder Chimp: Sometimes there's being alone with someone.


We have a winner. That is the worst feeling in the world, my friend.
 
2012-12-27 05:41:16 AM  
This thread summarized:

one side of the story is so compelling!
 
2012-12-27 05:47:04 AM  

serial_crusher: A dude i used to work with moved to Texas from Colorado specifically to take advantage of the divorce laws.


How's that work? You have to move there before you get divorced for it to work, and both of you have to move. "Honey, we're moving to Texas so I can divorce you."
 
2012-12-27 05:49:18 AM  

Diogenes The Cynic: Someone is defensive Genevieve


Nah, it was just a little decent advice. I actually wasn't trying to be a jerk- although I really don't overly care for the idea that women all share one crazy hive mind, and that seems to come out in Fark relationship threads.

Rhino_man: Second of all, what I learned is that I need to take the time to make sure that the woman I'm marrying isn't crazy before I marry her. True story, wife #2 had been pressuring me for about a year to be a farking polygamist because she didn't want to be alone at home while I was at work, and another wife would keep her company. The bad thing is that she started all of the crazy after it was too late... not just after the wedding, she waited until she was pregnant to go berserk.


And honestly, here's a little more decent advice: You married two women who weren't happy, and who obviously had their fair share of issues. Know what they have in common? You married both of them. At least some of that is you. And I'm really not saying that to be a jerk, or to be judgmental, or anything else. I'm just pointing out that if you want a chance to be happy in the future, an honest self-evaluation of what you've done wrong in the past is a good start. And blaming all the problems on the two women you married isn't going to help.

Advice rant off.
 
2012-12-27 05:54:53 AM  
Guess I have been very fortunate. Been married for 7 years and haven't once gone to bed mad at each other. Never once been at work pissed off and thinking about a fight we had earlier. Never once had my spouse give me the silent treatment, and when I ask her what is wrong, have her say "nothing". We air out our laundry, and then we are done, and we immediately move on. If you are going to bed or work mad at your SO, I would approach marriage very cautiously with them.
 
2012-12-27 05:55:55 AM  

Christian Bale: Not true, but we're definitely up there on the list. According to the United Nations's Demographic Yearbook, the US has the sixth-highest divorce rate. Russia, Belarus, Ukraine, Moldova and the Cayman Islands take the top five spots in that order.


Good thing those count as separate entities now or we'd be #3, and very, very close to actually being higher than every other country in the world! Hardly a debunked "myth."



How many divorces taking place in the Caymans are actually Americans?
 
2012-12-27 06:02:37 AM  

Rhino_man: Got married at 20. I was a young Corporal of Marines, she was an even younger college student... I paid her way through a five-year master's program, and we had a fairly decent relationship - a few fights, but nothing too serious - until my first deployment. She decided that her limit for time without penis was 4 months, I was out of the country for 7...


You're farked until you get a desk job, man.
That you're jumping into commitment so fast is a good sign you don't want a woman who doesn't really care about being alone for a long time. And so until you're in a position where you don't deploy, you're farked.
 
2012-12-27 06:02:43 AM  

Genevieve Marie: Diogenes The Cynic: Someone is defensive Genevieve

Nah, it was just a little decent advice. I actually wasn't trying to be a jerk- although I really don't overly care for the idea that women all share one crazy hive mind, and that seems to come out in Fark relationship threads.

Rhino_man: Second of all, what I learned is that I need to take the time to make sure that the woman I'm marrying isn't crazy before I marry her. True story, wife #2 had been pressuring me for about a year to be a farking polygamist because she didn't want to be alone at home while I was at work, and another wife would keep her company. The bad thing is that she started all of the crazy after it was too late... not just after the wedding, she waited until she was pregnant to go berserk.

And honestly, here's a little more decent advice: You married two women who weren't happy, and who obviously had their fair share of issues. Know what they have in common? You married both of them. At least some of that is you. And I'm really not saying that to be a jerk, or to be judgmental, or anything else. I'm just pointing out that if you want a chance to be happy in the future, an honest self-evaluation of what you've done wrong in the past is a good start. And blaming all the problems on the two women you married isn't going to help.

Advice rant off.


Trust me, I'm not trying to shunt the blame for not properly vetting them onto the women that I didn't properly vet. That's all me. I didn't take the time to really know whether or not their issues were insurmountable ones.

Wife #1 was a pretty simple case. She was a Navy brat, so she had daddy issues related to constant deployment. There's not much you can do when you leave an otherwise pretty good relationship for a 7 month deployment and come back to find that she's got a boyfriend.

Wife #2 was far more complicated. Daddy is a partner at an accounting firm and has, for as long as she can remember, been able to set his own office hours. When I got a job fixing medical equipment (which is evening/night work) she started flipping the fark out because "real men are home at night with their families." Throw in a little bit of constant fear because she was raised thinking "The knowledge of man will bring about the end of the world, Jesus said so!" and a whole lot of "I just don't think I'm wired for monogamy," shake it all up with a pregnancy, and that relationship isn't going to last very long.

I should have seen #2's issues coming from a mile away. I should have been able to steer clear... but, honestly, she was a rebound after #1. I tried to 'hit it and quit it,' never got around to the second part of that, and ended up marrying her because I was afraid to be alone.

In short, yes... I've done quite a bit of self assessment, thank you very much. There's even MORE crazy that I could lay on you, but I don't want to just throw a wall of text out there that everyone would immediately skip. I know that the common theme in both of them is that I married them, but it doesn't mean that they're not crazy... it just means that I have a poor record at detecting crazy before I marry it.
 
2012-12-27 06:04:07 AM  

starsrift: Rhino_man: Got married at 20. I was a young Corporal of Marines, she was an even younger college student... I paid her way through a five-year master's program, and we had a fairly decent relationship - a few fights, but nothing too serious - until my first deployment. She decided that her limit for time without penis was 4 months, I was out of the country for 7...

You're farked until you get a desk job, man.
That you're jumping into commitment so fast is a good sign you don't want a woman who doesn't really care about being alone for a long time. And so until you're in a position where you don't deploy, you're farked.


I'm out now. I got out right after I married #2.
 
2012-12-27 06:09:33 AM  

Rhino_man: In short, yes... I've done quite a bit of self assessment, thank you very much. There's even MORE crazy that I could lay on you, but I don't want to just throw a wall of text out there that everyone would immediately skip. I know that the common theme in both of them is that I married them, but it doesn't mean that they're not crazy... it just means that I have a poor record at detecting crazy before I marry it.


Eh. You're still putting the onus for everything that happened on them- it happened because they were crazy. That may be completely and totally true, but it's still only part of the truth. Just think on it.

Best of luck to you.
 
2012-12-27 06:12:31 AM  

Real Women Drink Akvavit: Luckily (in a strange way), my ex tried to kill me, so I didn't have to pay alimony. He was in prison. YAY!

I am known for my poor decisions when it comes to men, that's why I finally just took some time off and said "no more dating, die alone, you stupid, chubby biatch". Now I have my first date in years, coming up New Year's Eve. I am being very, very cautious with this one, and he knows it. When I asked him out today (yes, I got brave!) we had lunch together and talked for a couple hours. We're both pretty battered by our pasts, but we both gave it a rest for a long time, so he's being cautious as well. I think that's a good thing. I also think it's a good sign that once the ice was broken we were able to be so open and honest with each other. At least I hope it is a good sign, otherwise I'll lose faith in myself completely. I just started regaining it after years of solitude, so I really don't want to lose it again.

*fingers crossed*


Great, now I have to change your favorite label so it doesn't say Death Metal Nun anymore.
 
2012-12-27 06:14:21 AM  

JesusJuice: Ex-wife started making noise about alimony and taking the house. I threatened to sue for custody of her daughter from a previous marriage. She stopped pursuing alimony, and I got the house. There's no room for honor in a divorce.


Sadly, this. My ex got it into her head that I had between 40 and 100K stashed away somewhere (loooooong story), and was aided and abetted by a dimwitted lawyer who had never done a divorce case in her career.The result was three years of misery while I waited for things to work themselves out.

Now, on the other hand, my lawyer could best be described as a cross between Matlock and Darth Vader. He counseled patience, and it paid off in the end. At just the time her lawyer figured out that the ex might be just a wee bit crazy, he threw a few curve balls and the ex's lawyer jumped at the chance to settle. The ex gets a chunk of my USAF retirement every month (Federal law requires it, I really don't have that much of a problem with it, and she doesn't get anywhere near as much as she thought she was getting) and nothing else.

And in the meantime, I met - and had the good sense to marry - a smart, hot, and loving woman who wants me to be happy...and I do my damnedest to repay the favor,
 
2012-12-27 06:15:19 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: As someone who recently ended an engagement, I can say at least we didn't go through with it before calling it off.

I'm a 31 year old dude and I'll probably never get married, and I'm ok with that.


You can't find the crazy compatable with you either?

I'm 32 and probably in the same boat. I'm not sure I want that though.
 
2012-12-27 06:25:09 AM  

Rhino_man: If you try to take one dime, I'll have your boyfriend thrown in the brig.


Boyfriend was in the service too? But he wasn't getting deployed? So far as I know, you can't get a civilian jailed for adultery anymore. Even if they are adulterating the wife of a Marine.
 
2012-12-27 06:29:55 AM  

Greywar: Lets see...
Divorce #1, she got the kids, words and stuff if I had one of the two kids because she made so little. So for the last 5 years I paid child support on a kid that lived with me.

Divorce #2, she got the kids, still talking.

Divorce #3, dude, just whack it her kids refused to go with her, and instead ended up staying with me.
Something about california.


How many kids do you have? Holy crap dude, you're like a dysfunctional Cosby Show.

/Keep it in your pants.
 
2012-12-27 06:50:06 AM  
cdn.motinetwork.net

/oblig
 
2012-12-27 07:01:52 AM  
Had an amicable divorce. We both changed in the years after marriage and there was no way it was going to work. Fortunately there was no fighting and no kids which made it much simpler.
We both moved on quickly and I was reminded of that when yesterday I got a text meant for his girlfriend. That was awkward.
Lucky for me the only thing we still share is a dog. The ex isn't a bad guy but we weren't gonna work out. Wish we had split sooner.
 
2012-12-27 07:08:27 AM  
My ex should be paying me alimony
 
2012-12-27 07:16:30 AM  

pciszek: Rhino_man: If you try to take one dime, I'll have your boyfriend thrown in the brig.

Boyfriend was in the service too? But he wasn't getting deployed? So far as I know, you can't get a civilian jailed for adultery anymore. Even if they are adulterating the wife of a Marine.


Yup. He was also a Marine, and therefore subject to a maximum penalty of 1 year in the brig under Article 134 of the UCMJ.
 
2012-12-27 07:21:09 AM  
I love divorce threads on Fark

"Oh man that b*tch was crazy! She really screwed me over"

"Well what was she like before you married her?"

"Well she f*cked all of my friends, stabbed me and emptied my bank account but I was getting laid so I proposed"
 
2012-12-27 07:29:22 AM  

Benni K Rok: Real Women Drink Akvavit: Luckily (in a strange way), my ex tried to kill me, so I didn't have to pay alimony. He was in prison. YAY!

I am known for my poor decisions when it comes to men, that's why I finally just took some time off and said "no more dating, die alone, you stupid, chubby biatch". Now I have my first date in years, coming up New Year's Eve. I am being very, very cautious with this one, and he knows it. When I asked him out today (yes, I got brave!) we had lunch together and talked for a couple hours. We're both pretty battered by our pasts, but we both gave it a rest for a long time, so he's being cautious as well. I think that's a good thing. I also think it's a good sign that once the ice was broken we were able to be so open and honest with each other. At least I hope it is a good sign, otherwise I'll lose faith in myself completely. I just started regaining it after years of solitude, so I really don't want to lose it again.

*fingers crossed*

Great, now I have to change your favorite label so it doesn't say Death Metal Nun anymore.


I'll  probably still be a Death Metal Nun for quite a while. I'm not going to just yell "Yay! Penis!" and hop in bed with the dude even if we do get along smashingly. I've just got a really good shot at my first New Year's kiss in many years, and I'm totally stoked. Even if things don't work out, I've got a cool new friend to hang out with, and that's always good when you tend to isolate yourself from those you don't already know IRL.
 
2012-12-27 07:42:04 AM  
CSB:

1st wife: Married at 18, had three kids, she cheated on me numerous times, and divorced at 27. No contest divorce, so I did it without a lawyer. Holy shiat was that a mistake. Not only did she try to keep the kids from me during our "mutually agreed parenting time" swap (went to court for an order to restore my share, which was each school year), but instead of just getting parenting time entered into court, she's keeps biatching for more from the judge, and delaying a settlement. She's accused me of child abuse repeatedly, but when each allegation comes back as the B.S. that it is, she backs off for the next hearing so the judge never hears the reports. But that doesn't stop her lawyer from brow-beating me in front of the judge like I'm an abusive father, when we weren't even there FOR custody. Still waiting on court to be settled, at least I'm not paying child support (I have the kids most of the time), or alimony (I told her that she cheated on me with another serviceman, she's not getting a dime, and she left it at that) while waiting. Child support may get brought up, because the wonderful state of Michigan doesn't consider her current spouse's income as hers, so I could end up paying her money even if she doesn't have the kids for a single overnight stay, and her boy-toy makes more than I do.

2nd wife: Daddy issues, combined with being abandoned by her mom at 5, we never got a chance at a good start because 1st wife went full retard X 1000 as soon as we announced our engagement. We're halfway through year # 2 now, and we spent nearly all of Xmas day in separate rooms in the house (my kids with their mom this year, her son ((I adopted to keep him away from his redneck EX-marine sperm donor)) with her dad). Day after Xmas was the same, and today is looking to be no different. Having no kids in the house means we don't fight as much, but it also means we don't see each other at all. Now I'm obviously not a marriage expert but this doesn't pass the smell test to me.

/I'm starting to believe this whole 'marriage' thing isn't for me.
//White knight syndrome to the core apparently
 
2012-12-27 07:47:00 AM  

NumberFiveIsAlive: CSB:

1st wife: Married at 18, had three kids, she cheated on me numerous times, and divorced at 27. No contest divorce, so I did it without a lawyer. Holy shiat was that a mistake. Not only did she try to keep the kids from me during our "mutually agreed parenting time" swap (went to court for an order to restore my share, which was each school year), but instead of just getting parenting time entered into court, she's keeps biatching for more from the judge, and delaying a settlement. She's accused me of child abuse repeatedly, but when each allegation comes back as the B.S. that it is, she backs off for the next hearing so the judge never hears the reports. But that doesn't stop her lawyer from brow-beating me in front of the judge like I'm an abusive father, when we weren't even there FOR custody. Still waiting on court to be settled, at least I'm not paying child support (I have the kids most of the time), or alimony (I told her that she cheated on me with another serviceman, she's not getting a dime, and she left it at that) while waiting. Child support may get brought up, because the wonderful state of Michigan doesn't consider her current spouse's income as hers, so I could end up paying her money even if she doesn't have the kids for a single overnight stay, and her boy-toy makes more than I do.

2nd wife: Daddy issues, combined with being abandoned by her mom at 5, we never got a chance at a good start because 1st wife went full retard X 1000 as soon as we announced our engagement. We're halfway through year # 2 now, and we spent nearly all of Xmas day in separate rooms in the house (my kids with their mom this year, her son ((I adopted to keep him away from his redneck EX-marine sperm donor)) with her dad). Day after Xmas was the same, and today is looking to be no different. Having no kids in the house means we don't fight as much, but it also means we don't see each other at all. Now I'm obviously not a marriage expert but this doesn't pass ...


... BROTHER!
 
2012-12-27 07:54:11 AM  
Marine dudes. Don't they warn servicemen that some women are predatory toward men in the service? I know when a friend's brother enlisted many years ago (though he was in the army) they warned all the young enlisted men that there were women who would know they were lonely, had guaranteed income and would pretty much fling themselves at the service dudes - and it wasn't a good thing. He was trippin' on that for days, because he had just met this cute girl (he was only 18 at the time, I think) and she was all over him like white on rice. It did give him  pause and made him scrutinize her a bit more, that's for sure.

They did eventually marry and have children and are still together, more than 20 years later, but that's not always the case as you both sadly found out. (So sorry that happened to both of you, btw. Should never happen to anyone.)
 
2012-12-27 08:00:25 AM  
While mine was a 'long term' marriage (in NC) she got one of the houses (McMansion) the kids, my 1/2 of the business, 1/2 of 70% of my money markets/401K/etc (her attorney forgot the other ones - oops) and I have the satisfaction of sleeping in a real bed for the first time in 4 years, can watch/do/say whatever I want and have iron-clad faith that despite the coldest, loneliness night of my future life, it will still be more comforting, satisfying and warm that trying to poke that dried, smokey husky a Brillo pad that had once been a vagina... nor will I miss her 'Stevie Wonder', areola s as large as slices of fried bologna or the endless options of either missionary position, missionary position or missionary position.

Oh - and I finally found (albeit temporary) a woman that absolutely loved to schtup and finally FINALLY got a hummer - first one since 1989 - but I got one orally fixated, swimmer slurping woman - so I know they're out there.
 
2012-12-27 08:03:44 AM  
I dodged the bullet, and purely by chance.

Dated a girl for 4 years, got engaged on our 4th anniversary in October, and planned to get married on the 5th anniversary the next year. Somewhere during that last year, she started cheating on me with someone she worked with and doing a lot of partying. It was her last year in school and she was the classic cute, silly, good girl for most of her life. I think she had a "I'm graduating college, getting married, and never did anything wild" breakdown, at least from the looks of it. So she went off the deep end and went from a mild-mannered(but awesome in bed) loving, overachiever studying logistics and supply chain management to drunken club whore in a few months. She hid it pretty well at first, but in the summer I was gone for three weeks for Army training, and apparently that's when it really took off. We had a trip planned to Cedar Point for the weekend right when I got back. Nothing huge as we only live a few hours away, but a nice fun weekend together. We did end up going and she was really really nice and sweet the whole time. I thought she got over her party girl phase and was back to her old self. We had a great weekend, spent the night together when we got home, and she left for work the next morning after some awesome morning sex.

Texted me 10 minutes after she left that she was leaving me for a guy from her work. Never saw her again. I found the engagement ring sitting on my dresser. I did end up getting some straight answers out of one of her friends that I kinda knew. She told me all about my exes partying and club nights, and said my ex told her that her and I broke up months ago, so she never even knew that she was cheating on my the whole time she was banging other guys.

Getting dumped like that after 4 and half years, and finding out that the person I thought I was going to marry turned into a whole different person really shook me up. I started drinking a lot and probably would have gotten a lot worse, but I ended up getting deployed to Afghanistan 6 months after that happened. Now, a few years later, I realize that if it was going to happen at all, I'm glad it happened how and why it did. If my ex had been more ruthless and cunning and not as caught up in the partying, she could have gone through with the marriage and probably made off with a ton of my deployment money, plus the ring. Dumping me and leaving the ring before we got married saved me tens of thousands of dollars in the end, plus no lawyers, judges, etc.

I dodged the bullet that time, and I don't plan on jumping in front of the gun again.
 
2012-12-27 08:16:46 AM  
2009- 36 years old, alcoholic cheating soon to be ex-wife, divorce court, bankruptcy, no car, living in my parent's basement sleeping on a pile of blankets, no social life, barely able to concentrate on my job...

2012- 39 years old, nice apartment, new car, healthy savings and retirement accounts, several vacations per year to wherever I feel like going, active social life, several promotions at work...

NEVER getting married again!
 
2012-12-27 08:18:35 AM  

Christian Bale: Myth #6: The mother almost always gets custody of the children.

Legally, though, that's not the case....The best interest of the child also could preclude a mom from gaining custody, says Dr. Tessina. If a judge doesn't deem that the mother meets the state's standards for being a fit parent, she won't be awarded primary custody. If both parents are fit to raise the child, they're typically granted shared custody.

So in other words, the mother doesn't always get custody of the children, but she almost always gets custody of the children. Busted yet another myth!


I came here to address this point as well. The article basically says that is the woman is not deemed insane by the state, she will get custody. I find that to be true in my experience as well. I suppose it is a myth that I always use 87 Octane gas then because a couple of times a year I put premium in.
 
2012-12-27 08:22:39 AM  

Real Women Drink Akvavit: Marine dudes. Don't they warn servicemen that some women are predatory toward men in the service? I know when a friend's brother enlisted many years ago (though he was in the army) they warned all the young enlisted men that there were women who would know they were lonely, had guaranteed income and would pretty much fling themselves at the service dudes - and it wasn't a good thing. He was trippin' on that for days, because he had just met this cute girl (he was only 18 at the time, I think) and she was all over him like white on rice. It did give him  pause and made him scrutinize her a bit more, that's for sure.

They did eventually marry and have children and are still together, more than 20 years later, but that's not always the case as you both sadly found out. (So sorry that happened to both of you, btw. Should never happen to anyone.)


You'd be surprised how many guys stationed in South Korea believe the drinky girl when she says he's the only one she really cares about.
 
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