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(Yahoo)   To the left: Seven myths about divorce. To the right: bitter anecdotes about your meanspirited ex-spouses   (shine.yahoo.com) divider line 430
    More: Interesting, divorce rates, primary caregiver, civil laws, divorces  
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19922 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Dec 2012 at 2:06 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-27 03:00:12 AM

A Terrible Human: cheap_thoughts: I know a few people that won't get divorced because of "the kids". Don't want to fark them up, or risk losing them because the other spouse is from another state and will take them away.

I say they deserve their misery.

And sometimes the kids would've been far,far better off had the parents gotten divorced earlier or maybe if they had let my mom keep her gun.


the key word here is "sometimes".
When I was younger I was totally in the "staying together for the kids is stupid" camp. But as I got older I realized that not all failed marriages are the same. Some get to the stage where you have people screaming at each other every day, or worse - and yeah, you're not doing your kid any favors by prolonging the ordeal.

But in others you basically get two strangers who no longer love each other living under the same roof. They either aren't the confrontational type, or have completely stopped caring for their spouse and see no point in fighting. If their child is still relatively young, he'll be better off if they at least postpone the divorce until he gets older. Having both parents there for their child has become underrated somehow.
So yes, maybe they do deserve their misery, but it's not always done for the "wrong" reasons.
 
2012-12-27 03:00:50 AM

rogue_L_chick: I liked my ex.


A number of us liked your ex.

//sorry, couldn't resist
//We didn't like her that much
 
2012-12-27 03:01:04 AM
I didn't get married but unfortunately in Canada breaking up after being considered common law is pretty much the same as a divorce in terms of what you could be entitled to pay and you are considered common law after living together for a year. So yeah Canada kind of sucks.
 
2012-12-27 03:01:37 AM
My ex wasn't mean spirited...just a cheating whore who used my at the time very limited pot smoking ( once or twice a month) to divorce me when in reality she was sleeping around behind my back and shortly after the divorce was finalized o.d.ed on meth had a seizure and did a face plant into a coffee table at a party. No kids and at the time very few possessions she could have taken so the divorce cost me nothing.
 
2012-12-27 03:05:04 AM
Marriage is a mistake every man should make.
 
2012-12-27 03:06:04 AM

Harry_Seldon: rogue_L_chick: I liked my ex.

A number of us liked your ex.

//sorry, couldn't resist
//We didn't like her that much


From the "chick" part of her username, I'm thinking her ex was probably a dude. NTTAWWT.
 
2012-12-27 03:09:11 AM

kremvax: cheap_thoughts: I know a few people that won't get divorced because of "the kids". Don't want to fark them up, or risk losing them because the other spouse is from another state and will take them away.

I say they deserve their misery.

as someone in that situation - wtf exactly do you suggest? I don't want to ever be away from my kid, but marriage is pretty miserable (I suspect it's not for me in general).


Honestly, I grew up on a house where I would have preferred if my Dad divorced my Mom. I love them both... but he should have. The SO's parents divorced his freshman year of college (bonus they married really young) and he wished they had done it years earlier when the writing was on the wall.

If your kids are really young it's one thing. If they're past say 12 IMHO it's worse to put on a happy face when reality is not only stupidly obvious but also affecting their lives as well.

I really wish my Mom got a desperately needed wake up call and my Dad got a chance to be happier. It still would have sucked but in the long run...
 
2012-12-27 03:11:49 AM

Atomic Spunk: Harry_Seldon: rogue_L_chick: I liked my ex.

A number of us liked your ex.

//sorry, couldn't resist
//We didn't like her that much

From the "chick" part of her username, I'm thinking her ex was probably a dude. NTTAWWT.


Ah, times like this make me feel way better that everyone always assumes I'm a dude at first on this site.

/seriously it says chick...
 
2012-12-27 03:12:56 AM

Atomic Spunk: On those days where you feel that nothing is going right, it sure is nice to have someone to offer you words of encouragement and support. If you ever feel sorry for yourself, it's great to have someone who can remind you of all of the good things in your life.


This is much better...
www.petside.com
 
2012-12-27 03:13:40 AM
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-12-27 03:14:27 AM

7th Son of a 7th Son: not_an_indigo: Nothing in there about how young marriage=higher chance of divorce?

Or how having divorced parents decreases one's chances of having a successful marriage?

A coworker of mine got married to his HS sweetheart when he was 21. Didn't even last 2 years. She went through his phone one day and read half of a text convo (which was purely innocent) and she flipped out. He basically said "biatch you're crazy!" and started divorce proceedings.


But then I've been with my girl since we were 18 and we are still just as happy as clams.

Anecdotal evidence is anecdotal. Don't associate with people who are prone to drama. When I want drama I read about other people's terrible relationships on fark.
 
2012-12-27 03:16:42 AM

mikefinch: Anecdotal evidence is anecdotal. Don't associate with people who are prone to drama. When I want drama I read about other people's terrible relationships on fark.


Best advice I have ever seen here on fark.  My boyfriend and I have zero drama and we don't get bent out of shape over pointless stuff.
 
2012-12-27 03:18:54 AM
Marriage stopped making sense a long time ago.
 
2012-12-27 03:19:36 AM
I feel weird.
There was no animosity in my divorce. We knew it was over and decided to call it quits before someone got caught rubbin' their privates on someone the other had an issue with.
Settled up the accounts and house and split it 50/50, hell, we even decided our own visitation schedule for the kiddoes.(judge did change it up a tad since she was going out of state. We still keep to the original bargain though)

Judge said she wished all divorces were like ours.
 
2012-12-27 03:20:22 AM

Harry_Seldon: Atomic Spunk: On those days where you feel that nothing is going right, it sure is nice to have someone to offer you words of encouragement and support. If you ever feel sorry for yourself, it's great to have someone who can remind you of all of the good things in your life.

This is much better...
[www.petside.com image 624x475]


When I find a puppy that can earn a paycheck, do housework, produce a human child, have a lifespan greater than about 12 years and give me a decent blowjob, then I'll be inclined to agree.

Though I've heard that a healthy dose of peanut butter can assist with my last requirement.
 
2012-12-27 03:22:58 AM

jst3p: MrSteve007: After the divorce, I was made partner at the company and bought myself a sailboat. It's much cheaper than a wife, and gets me a lot more sexy time too.

If it flies, floats or farks it is always cheaper to rent.


If it farks, floats or flies...
better to rent than buy.

/FTFY
 
2012-12-27 03:23:29 AM

neaorin: A Terrible Human: cheap_thoughts: I know a few people that won't get divorced because of "the kids". Don't want to fark them up, or risk losing them because the other spouse is from another state and will take them away.

I say they deserve their misery.

And sometimes the kids would've been far,far better off had the parents gotten divorced earlier or maybe if they had let my mom keep her gun.

the key word here is "sometimes".
When I was younger I was totally in the "staying together for the kids is stupid" camp. But as I got older I realized that not all failed marriages are the same. Some get to the stage where you have people screaming at each other every day, or worse - and yeah, you're not doing your kid any favors by prolonging the ordeal.

But in others you basically get two strangers who no longer love each other living under the same roof. They either aren't the confrontational type, or have completely stopped caring for their spouse and see no point in fighting. If their child is still relatively young, he'll be better off if they at least postpone the divorce until he gets older. Having both parents there for their child has become underrated somehow.
So yes, maybe they do deserve their misery, but it's not always done for the "wrong" reasons.


Well put.
 
2012-12-27 03:25:15 AM

Atomic Spunk: Harry_Seldon: Atomic Spunk: On those days where you feel that nothing is going right, it sure is nice to have someone to offer you words of encouragement and support. If you ever feel sorry for yourself, it's great to have someone who can remind you of all of the good things in your life.

This is much better...
[www.petside.com image 624x475]

When I find a puppy that can earn a paycheck, do housework, produce a human child, have a lifespan greater than about 12 years and give me a decent blowjob, then I'll be inclined to agree.

Though I've heard that a healthy dose of peanut butter can assist with my last requirement.


Atomic Spunk: Harry_Seldon: Atomic Spunk: On those days where you feel that nothing is going right, it sure is nice to have someone to offer you words of encouragement and support. If you ever feel sorry for yourself, it's great to have someone who can remind you of all of the good things in your life.

This is much better...
[www.petside.com image 624x475]

When I find a puppy that can earn a paycheck, do housework, produce a human child, have a lifespan greater than about 12 years and give me a decent blowjob, then I'll be inclined to agree.

Though I've heard that a healthy dose of peanut butter can assist with my last requirement.


Got the decent paycheck worked out...

images.starpulse.com
 
2012-12-27 03:25:33 AM

Hagenhatesyouall: Marriage stopped making sense a long time ago.


Just because you had a bitter painful experience with marriage and are now living with your parents doesn't mean its not right for others.

/gay
//can't get married in the state where I'm in
 
2012-12-27 03:28:19 AM

Christian Bale: So, three myths out of seven were debunked. Pretty good job, Yahoo!, pretty good.


"You know what Yahoo... we're going to hang this article right on the fridge. Now grandma will see it when she visits! You want some milk?"
 
2012-12-27 03:29:39 AM

7th Son of a 7th Son: not_an_indigo: Nothing in there about how young marriage=higher chance of divorce?

Or how having divorced parents decreases one's chances of having a successful marriage?

A coworker of mine got married to his HS sweetheart when he was 21. Didn't even last 2 years. She went through his phone one day and read half of a text convo (which was purely innocent) and she flipped out. He basically said "biatch you're crazy!" and started divorce proceedings.


On the flip side, there's Mr. Cuzsis and I. We're high school sweethearts and I have divorced parents. (My mom remarried to great guy and everything is cool between both sides, which is awesome.)

As of this Christmas we've been together for 11 years.

/know several other couples who are high school sweethearts (various age ranges, including my parents age) that are still together too.
 
2012-12-27 03:30:41 AM

StreetlightInTheGhetto: Atomic Spunk: Harry_Seldon: rogue_L_chick: I liked my eSNIPSNIP

From the "chick" part of her username, I'm thinking her ex was probably a dude. NTTAWWT.

Ah, times like this make me feel way better that everyone always assumes I'm a dude at first on this site.

/seriously it says chick...


I assume all farkers are genderless overweight white people who have disgusting amounts of money to spend on booze I couldn't ever choke down while they try and find reasons the days pornography is not up to snuff.
 
2012-12-27 03:31:05 AM

StreetlightInTheGhetto: kremvax: cheap_thoughts: I know a few people that won't get divorced because of "the kids". Don't want to fark them up, or risk losing them because the other spouse is from another state and will take them away.

I say they deserve their misery.

as someone in that situation - wtf exactly do you suggest? I don't want to ever be away from my kid, but marriage is pretty miserable (I suspect it's not for me in general).

Honestly, I grew up on a house where I would have preferred if my Dad divorced my Mom. I love them both... but he should have. The SO's parents divorced his freshman year of college (bonus they married really young) and he wished they had done it years earlier when the writing was on the wall.

If your kids are really young it's one thing. If they're past say 12 IMHO it's worse to put on a happy face when reality is not only stupidly obvious but also affecting their lives as well.

I really wish my Mom got a desperately needed wake up call and my Dad got a chance to be happier. It still would have sucked but in the long run...


really young. But what about the other school of thought -

StreetlightInTheGhetto: neaorin: A Terrible Human: cheap_thoughts: I know a few people that won't get divorced because of "the kids". Don't want to fark them up, or risk losing them because the other spouse is from another state and will take them away.

I say they deserve their misery.

And sometimes the kids would've been far,far better off had the parents gotten divorced earlier or maybe if they had let my mom keep her gun.

the key word here is "sometimes".
When I was younger I was totally in the "staying together for the kids is stupid" camp. But as I got older I realized that not all failed marriages are the same. Some get to the stage where you have people screaming at each other every day, or worse - and yeah, you're not doing your kid any favors by prolonging the ordeal.

But in others you basically get two strangers who no longer love each other living under the same roof. They either aren't the confrontational type, or have completely stopped caring for their spouse and see no point in fighting. If their child is still relatively young, he'll be better off if they at least postpone the divorce until he gets older. Having both parents there for their child has become underrated somehow.
So yes, maybe they do deserve their misery, but it's not always done for the "wrong" reasons.

Well put.


Yeah, that's exactly what it's like (and hilariously what I suspect my own parents marriage is). Kid's pretty young too. And yeah, I know, what were we thinking, it gets very complicated at that point... So it's OK to be miserable in that case? I'll sleep better I guess.
 
2012-12-27 03:31:53 AM
This looks like a good thread for picking up chicks.
 
2012-12-27 03:34:51 AM

StreetlightInTheGhetto: Atomic Spunk: Harry_Seldon: rogue_L_chick: I liked my ex.

A number of us liked your ex.

//sorry, couldn't resist
//We didn't like her that much

From the "chick" part of her username, I'm thinking her ex was probably a dude. NTTAWWT.

Ah, times like this make me feel way better that everyone always assumes I'm a dude at first on this site.

/seriously it says chick...


I assume everyone is trans gender on Fark.
 
2012-12-27 03:35:50 AM

TomD9938: My brothers wife recently left him after 25 years marriage. No abuse, drunkenness or secret fabulousness, just that the kids were gone off to college and she got bored - wanted to start a new life.

I can absolutely appreciate that and I understand splitting the property down the middle. What I dont understand is why she then gets 4k/mo for life (just under half his income) and a similar percentage of his pension upon retiring.

Makes the 100k or so I paid in child support over 18 years seem like so much chicken-feed.


That sucks.

If it's no-fault, she can go pay her own way if she's "bored". What a mooching looser!

/sorry, people like that piss me off.
 
2012-12-27 03:38:21 AM
Ex-wife started making noise about alimony and taking the house. I threatened to sue for custody of her daughter from a previous marriage. She stopped pursuing alimony, and I got the house. There's no room for honor in a divorce.
 
2012-12-27 03:38:36 AM

gingerjet: mikefinch: Anecdotal evidence is anecdotal. Don't associate with people who are prone to drama. When I want drama I read about other people's terrible relationships on fark.

Best advice I have ever seen here on fark.  My boyfriend and I have zero drama and we don't get bent out of shape over pointless stuff.


Same. I can't even remember the last time we argued.
 
2012-12-27 03:38:54 AM

cuzsis: TomD9938: My brothers wife recently left him after 25 years marriage. No abuse, drunkenness or secret fabulousness, just that the kids were gone off to college and she got bored - wanted to start a new life.

I can absolutely appreciate that and I understand splitting the property down the middle. What I dont understand is why she then gets 4k/mo for life (just under half his income) and a similar percentage of his pension upon retiring.

Makes the 100k or so I paid in child support over 18 years seem like so much chicken-feed.

That sucks.

If it's no-fault, she can go pay her own way if she's "bored". What a mooching looser!

/sorry, people like that piss me off.


I assume she thought that after 25 years, she earned it the hard way.
 
2012-12-27 03:44:53 AM
My ex husband is gay.
 
2012-12-27 03:47:26 AM
A REAL WOMAN IS MAN'S BEST FRIEND

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be confident, sexy, seductive and invincible.

No wait ... Sorry ...
I'm thinking of whiskey.
It's whiskey that does all that shiat.
Nevermind.
 
2012-12-27 03:58:33 AM

NicoFinn: My ex husband is gay.


way to go.
 
2012-12-27 03:59:39 AM

log_jammin: NicoFinn: My ex husband is gay.

way to go.


Thanks. It wasn't easy, but the divorce was friendly.
 
2012-12-27 03:59:56 AM
My parents divorced once all the kids were out of the house. Turns out they were unhappy for years, but none of us really knew. Anyway they're both happier and settled down with someone else. I married much later in life, relatively, so as to avoid the same scenario. You're not *really* an adult until about 27, so there's no point trying to meet a life partner before then

/YMMV
 
2012-12-27 03:59:59 AM
I've given up. But I don't have a sour ex story to tell. Sure, I could tell a few entertaining/horror tales, but in the end, it's always been me.

Honestly, I'm just not that into relationships. Things go okay, then I start withdrawing, because I love making things and I'd rather do that than spend time with someone. Things that are not children. Computer programs, generally, but other things too - food, clothes, whatever. I enjoy it more than sex. Often less messy, too.
 
2012-12-27 04:04:45 AM

Pokey.Clyde: No alimony, no child support for kids that weren't mine. Didn't even have to pay any court fees or pay for a lawyer.

/God bless divorce laws in Texas!


Texas doesn't have any law prohibiting alimony, temporary alimony is given to just about any nonworking spouse who asks for it.  Permanent alimony can be given to if the marriage lasted more than 10 years but it's rare for anything under that time.

I've never heard of anyone paying child support for kids that weren't theirs unless they adopted them.  As far as attorney fees, if you got through a divorce without hiring one, you're simply lucky.
 
2012-12-27 04:05:05 AM

starsrift: I've given up. But I don't have a sour ex story to tell. Sure, I could tell a few entertaining/horror tales, but in the end, it's always been me.

Honestly, I'm just not that into relationships. Things go okay, then I start withdrawing, because I love making things and I'd rather do that than spend time with someone. Things that are not children. Computer programs, generally, but other things too - food, clothes, whatever. I enjoy it more than sex. Often less messy, too.


Set the boundaries early and do so with at least a handful of partners. You'll have a harem and won't get distracted from your true love. Perfect
 
2012-12-27 04:07:41 AM

ReapTheChaos: I've never heard of anyone paying child support for kids that weren't theirs unless they adopted them.


If you want to read some farked up stories about that, try google.

Long story short. even if you prove by a DNA test that the kid isn't yours, the judge can still make you pay if "it's in the child's best interest."
 
2012-12-27 04:07:57 AM

kptchris: A REAL WOMAN IS MAN'S BEST FRIEND

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be confident, sexy, seductive and invincible.

No wait ... Sorry ...
I'm thinking of whiskey.
It's whiskey that does all that shiat.
Nevermind.


Thank god. It would be totally unhealthy for a sentient being to completely lack agency and totally revolve around someone else.

I was relieved by the conclusion.
 
2012-12-27 04:09:16 AM
Perspective from the other end of "staying together for the kids": never tell one of the kids in question that you were actually going to divorce a few years in, but then decided to have her instead, giving you an incentive to stay together. Only to have an oops baby five years later, and ended up suddenly divorcing five years after that. After having kept up a front of reasonably happy domestic bliss the whole time so that the kids had no idea why it happened until it happened.

I mean, you can do that shiat, but don't tell the kids any of it. Or tell them all of it. Just don't keep up the front unless you plan to stick with it.

/almost 30
//still confused about the whole thing
 
2012-12-27 04:12:35 AM

hubiestubert: Divorce is ugly, but it's survivable.


Thank you for this whole post. I'm going through an amicable divorce right now, but I'm still depressed and scared to death about how to deal with the future.

It's hard to have a whole lot of confidence when your husband walks out ...
 
2012-12-27 04:14:03 AM
My not-so-cool story brah...

My ex fell in love with our WoW guild leader. She was 31, he was 22. We lived in NH, he lived in Florida. I quit WoW when I saw how addicted we were and the kids weren't getting taken care of. I'd come home at from work to find the kids hadn't eaten and were still in the same diapers from the morning. And I thought it was just the game that sucked her in.

Then I found the 72 pages of chat logs from her instant messenger on her computer. Took a copy. Confronted her. She said she'd rather be with him (never met face to face) then me and the kids. Moved back in with my parents (and the three kids) that day. 2 days later, she hands me a notarized letter assigning full custody. 2 months later, she took off for Florida.

I have full custody, no alimony (I was making all the money, she was a stay at home mom. Plus, she stopped home schooling them and didn't tell me. Made stuff up that the kids "worked on" each day. I ended up enrolling them in one school before we moved out and had to move them to a new school.) She didn't show up for a single divorce hearing. Never hired a lawyer. Signed whatever we put in front of her. All the court would assign however is $300/month TOTAL (not for each kid) that she pays in support.

She's remarried with 2 kids and still can't take care of them. I'm married now to the girl that beat me up in sixth grade. I refused to hit her back. She remembered that. Yes, she does loan me my spine and scrotum from time to time.

And I'm ok with that. She cares more about my kids than their mother does.

Lots of f'd up details being intentionally left out. But you get the gist.

And the bs about dads getting the kids... NEVER happens in this state. I have lawyers and state legislators who have asked me how the hell I did it, because it's so uncommon. My lawyer was worth every penny. She knew how to write things up so that the kids will stay with me and make it very hard for my ex to challenge.

Gotta go now... kids will be up soon and I love hanging out with them in the mornings when I work from home.
 
2012-12-27 04:14:22 AM

log_jammin: ReapTheChaos: I've never heard of anyone paying child support for kids that weren't theirs unless they adopted them.

If you want to read some farked up stories about that, try google.

Long story short. even if you prove by a DNA test that the kid isn't yours, the judge can still make you pay if "it's in the child's best interest."


This happened to a friend of mine. Got divorced, and paying for her kid from a previous marriage because it is in the child's best interest. He is absolutely, completely financially devastated. She is forcing him to pay for private school for their two children, and then the third from her previous marriage, plus support. Oh, I forgot, she is also remarried. She hauls him back to court every chance she gets. It is like a hobby for her. Awful woman.
 
2012-12-27 04:18:44 AM
"But alimony may not be granted even if the woman wasn't working during the marriage-if she has the skill set and physical ability to find a job that pays as well as her ex's."

Wow. Sexist much, article?
 
2012-12-27 04:20:32 AM

Genevieve Marie: gingerjet: mikefinch: Anecdotal evidence is anecdotal. Don't associate with people who are prone to drama. When I want drama I read about other people's terrible relationships on fark.

Best advice I have ever seen here on fark.  My boyfriend and I have zero drama and we don't get bent out of shape over pointless stuff.

Same. I can't even remember the last time we argued.


THIS

I don't know if it's luck, fate, destiny, karma or just that sometimes good sht happens. I'm grateful every damn day for my husband.

/married almost 19 years
 
2012-12-27 04:26:50 AM

hubiestubert: Divorce is ugly, but it's survivable.

The thing about it, is that it erodes confidence in your decision making capabilities. It shatters your conceptions of what you think you want. It means that what you thought you wanted, wasn't. It takes time to get over. It takes time to get your groove back. It changes said groove, or at least, if you're smart, it should.

You took someone into your life, and you swore before God and your family and friends that THIS was the one. And it wasn't. That means, if you're smart, you take a few to consider what you really wanted. What went wrong. What you missed. What you glossed over. What mistakes YOU made. There is plenty of time for recrimination, but if you're smart, take some time to figure YOUR sh*t out. Anger, recrimination, and the rest, those are natural, but at the end of things, you have to figure out your own culpability, or you're going to make the same damn mistakes again.

That means that maybe, just maybe, you don't date for a bit. And accept that the first time you do, that it's going to be a bit rocky, on your part. In part because you're out of practice, in part because no matter how ready you think you are, you're probably not. Chances are, you're going to f*ck up that Boobies divorce relationship. Don't pin your hopes and dreams on that one, because it's for practice. If the gal or guy you're dating post divorce is smart will realize this, and give you some space, and will be understanding. Chances are, you're going to screw it up by expecting things to be easy, and that you're ready. You probably won't be, and you'll realize that fairly soon. It's a learning curve. You may get lucky. You may be amazingly lucky, or you may find someone who realizes that you're damaged goods and is patient and decent, but the odds aren't great for that. Especially if they're post divorce too. Understand that going in. If and when it falls apart, you can't let that shake you back down to the core, but learn from it. And hopefully, be smart enough to stay friends with this person, because you owe them a lot.

The thing about divorce is, that it's like a cycle of addiction. You get out, and you are immediately set back emotionally to the place you were when you started the whole shebang. If that was a relationship you started in college, boy howdy, you are in for a rude awakening. Common wisdom says the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone, and in part, that can be true, but it's real hard on the folks you date. If you don't want to be an asshat, you might want to check that impulse, because these are real people, and they have feelings, and as screwed up as you are probably going to be for awhile, you might want to get back down to some hardcore YOU time. Taking time after you split is natural. It's time to reflect. Time to get your sh*t together. I urge you to do exactly that, so you do less damage. To yourself. To others.

There IS a good side. You learn a lot about yourself after a divorce. And during a divorce. You can take those lessons and do something constructive, or you can bury them and continue the cycles that got you into the mess in the first place. That is the route that most folks take, and it takes some time to master. You don't have to be a monk, but maybe take some time to figure out what you really want, and where you screwed up. And be honest about it. Not just with your partners, but with yourself. It probably means confronting some ugly sh*t about yourself. What your illusions were going into things. What your expectations were vs reality. It ain't easy. It IS worth the time you spend getting your head and heart right.

Not every relationship post divorce is going to be serious. Heck, it's probably a good idea to have something entirely casual, so you don't try to replace ONE serious relationship with another, because that is an ugly road, and it hangs a LOT of baggage on the new one. Let the new ones be their own thing. Celebrate those things. Celebrate the new. The new relationship. The new trust you have in yourself. The new person. The new road you're taking. Be careful, be honest, and don't try to force relationships into being something they ain't. That goes for any break up, but marriage is special in that you had all these dreams of getting old with someone that didn't pan out, and that rocks you. It's supposed to. If it doesn't, then there is something wrong. You might want to ponder that a moment, and figure out what that is, and THEN move on, otherwise you're going to wind up making the same damn mistakes. In choosing partners. In dealing with partners. In dealing with the relationship in general.

There is life after divorce, and even great times ahead, but you need to consider some things before getting back out there. Do that, and take the time to ponder a bit, and you'll be better for it. Swears.


Outstanding...you're now in green, my first fav...popped my cherry.
 
2012-12-27 04:27:36 AM
Myth #6: The mother almost always gets custody of the children.

The article goes on to say how both parents are granted equal time and that custody is awarded based on the best interest of the children.  None of this contradicts the myth, which isn't a farking myth.  Custody is usually granted to the mother unless she is bloody obviously unfit, and sometimes not even then.
 
2012-12-27 04:30:12 AM
Old man used to say the 40k buyout and attorney fees to end the divorce and get rid of her was the best deal of his life.
 
2012-12-27 04:31:02 AM

NicoFinn: My ex husband is gay.


He meant it when he said he wanted a beej.  You should have believed him.
 
2012-12-27 04:32:48 AM

OgreMagi: Myth #6: The mother almost always gets custody of the children.

The article goes on to say how both parents are granted equal time and that custody is awarded based on the best interest of the children.  None of this contradicts the myth, which isn't a farking myth.  Custody is usually granted to the mother unless she is bloody obviously unfit, and sometimes not even then.


And some states, it is MUCH harder to get to that standard than others. My niece is now $40K and 4 1/2 years into getting custody of her step daughter. Bio unit has been arrested twice and has absconded with the child three times. And the judge still keeps letting her slide.
 
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