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(Deadspin)   So, what did we get stuck in our rectums in 2012? The year in review   (deadspin.com) divider line 32
    More: Strange, rectums  
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19569 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Dec 2012 at 10:42 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-12-26 10:59:17 AM
4 votes:
PROTIP: We Paramedics are going to laugh at you anyway afterwords. Just be honest about how it got there. We really don't care if you decided that a towel rack made a good dildo. Lying about it just makes us laugh harder.
2012-12-26 10:48:55 AM
3 votes:

Bit'O'Gristle: Penis:
SPOON
PLASTIC ZIP TIE
FORKS
ORNAMENT
"PIECE OF TIMBER"
PEN
SODA CAN POP TOP

NONONONONONONONONONONO....


Forks?? With an 's' meaning more than one ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
2012-12-26 12:38:53 PM
2 votes:

peasants_are_revolting: A Terrible Human: peasants_are_revolting: Ooo or this one: White 82YOM PLACED DRINKING GLASS IN RECTUM FOR SEXUAL PURPOSES AND GLASS BROKE. UNABLE TO REMOVE.

I've already seen that video and it looked unpleasant to say the least.
/One guy,one jar.
//Scar your mind forever.

Yeah, someone made me watch it. Pretty horrific. Our take on it was that it was intentional though.


Wat

Why would that be intentional?

I'm kinky and all, but colon shredding seems rather extreme to be a regular masturbatory activity.
2012-12-26 11:35:07 AM
2 votes:
www.progarchives.com
2012-12-26 11:20:31 AM
2 votes:
Reminds me of a certain modified wooden toilet roller.
2012-12-26 11:04:01 AM
2 votes:
Why on earth would you ever, ever let a child witness you putting in a tampon.......
2012-12-26 10:56:27 AM
2 votes:

rocinante721: Pretty sure rectums it's "rectae"


Recta. If the singular was already "recta" then it would be "rectae", but it isn't.
2012-12-26 10:49:59 AM
2 votes:
Pretty sure rectums it's "rectae"
2012-12-26 10:45:33 AM
2 votes:
Penis:
SPOON
PLASTIC ZIP TIE
FORKS
ORNAMENT
"PIECE OF TIMBER"
PEN
SODA CAN POP TOP

NONONONONONONONONONONO....
2012-12-26 05:39:49 PM
1 votes:
Ass Pennies...

giveandgetnycdotnet.files.wordpress.com
2012-12-26 03:22:18 PM
1 votes:
It would almost be worth it to go to the ER with a Pat Buchanan or Newt Gingrich bobblehead doll stuck up your ass so when this article comes out one of the item on the list is a Pat Buchanan bobblehead doll.

/almost
2012-12-26 03:11:26 PM
1 votes:

swangoatman: 911Jenny: Zero children and a ginormous bedpost.

[i1.kym-cdn.com image 100x100]
But only IF you give consent and your safety word is "stop".


No, NO NO NO.
No.

You don't use "stop" as a safeword, because it can come up in play. Safewords have to be words that would normally not be said in the heat of the moment.

Like Barack Obama.

/not that I would know, or anything...
2012-12-26 01:36:11 PM
1 votes:

peasants_are_revolting: Guys, if you want some real laughs/shudders, go to the actual database. There are plenty of funny ones they missed, such as this one:

White 82YOM STUCK A PEPPERONI IN RECTUM WITH A PENCILFOREIGN BODY RECTUM


From 1987, the grandaddy of 'em all, the white plastic ping-pong ball and concrete enema mix.

I took a side detour to 2002, wherein a game of hide the salami went all pear-shaped. Or was it the other way around?

Then this guy in 2005 decides the guy from 1987 wasn't hardcore enough; he sees 1987's concrete enema dude and raises with epoxy resin, specifically "a liquid used as masonry adhesive for anal sexual gratification."

Thank you to whomever invented recommendation systems, for turning a little research into an hour of giggling, chortling, and jaw-dropping befuddlement.
2012-12-26 01:03:43 PM
1 votes:
Only use sex toys that have a set of balls or some other "safety stop" on the aft end.
2012-12-26 12:53:11 PM
1 votes:
peasants_are_revolting: Ooo or this one: White 82YOM PLACED DRINKING GLASS IN RECTUM FOR SEXUAL PURPOSES AND GLASS BROKE. UNABLE TO REMOVE.

I'm guessing that the obituary will just say "natural causes".
2012-12-26 12:46:35 PM
1 votes:
This is why you should always attached a string to everything....or so i'm told.
2012-12-26 12:27:31 PM
1 votes:
i70.photobucket.com
2012-12-26 12:24:57 PM
1 votes:

TheHappyCanadian: Muta: 911Jenny: A BEDPOST?!?!?

I can't even....

Check out motherless to see how it works.

no way, Motherless is full of "incest" and poo


Ooo. Good lookin' out. I mean I understand how it happens as far as Tab A inserts into Slot B....

But I'm looking at my bedpost and thinking there's no effing way, not in a million years, not with all the lube in the world.
2012-12-26 11:46:25 AM
1 votes:

cgraves67: Grave_Girl: cgraves67: "STUCK TOY IN RECTUM AND BROKE OFF, SAW MOM INSERT TAMPON AND MIMICKED"

I'm sure that makes for awkward family gatherings. I don't know what's worse, the lack of boundaries that lead to the initial observation or the errant attempt to mimic.

Once you become a mom, it becomes exponentially more difficult to go to the bathroom by yourself. (You'd think all home bathrooms have locks. You would be wrong. Also, they're not that hard to pick.)

Arkanaut: rocinante721: Pretty sure rectums it's "rectae"

Recta. If the singular was already "recta" then it would be "rectae", but it isn't.

Bears repeating.

I have a little one at home myself and I get that, but they reach a certain age then you teach them about privacy and boundaries.


Offhand I am going to guess that the time they understand boundaries at least roughly coincides with the time they're smart enough not to put things up their butt 'cause they see Mom inserting a tampon. Perhaps I am naive, but I can only imagine a toddler doing something like that. (I do have a hard time imagining it at all, to be honest.)
2012-12-26 11:23:46 AM
1 votes:

turbocucumber: Reminds me of a certain modified wooden toilet roller.


Wow. Just wow.
2012-12-26 11:22:58 AM
1 votes:
No pickle listed, I see.
2012-12-26 11:17:23 AM
1 votes:

somedude210: Wasilla Hillbilly: [wmbriggs.com image 400x399]

why would you want an inverted rectum?

also, who know that pig rectums had bones?


Also, if the boxes are to be trusted, it ends the whole rectums/rectae debate.
2012-12-26 11:08:35 AM
1 votes:

littlett's: BronyMedic: Suuuuure you did, buddy. And your pants just HAPPENED to be around your ankles at the time, right? I guess all that water-based lube made the floor extra slippery.

I use the lube to put on my leather pants.  I guess I must have grabbed the towel rack on the way down.


To be fair, an anally inserted towel rack which perforated out the other side of the abdomen was the first impaled object I had ever seen. Kid got startled by mom and fell back onto a tile floor.

Uncle Tractor: "FRENCH BREAD"

24.media.tumblr.com
2012-12-26 11:02:59 AM
1 votes:
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
2012-12-26 11:01:27 AM
1 votes:
Nothing will ever match the gentle majesty of Butt Lightyear.

www.geekologie.com
2012-12-26 10:54:55 AM
1 votes:
IT WAS A MILLION TO ONE SHOT, DOC! MILLION TO ONE!
2012-12-26 10:54:07 AM
1 votes:
It's official. As a species we are too stupid to live.
2012-12-26 10:53:40 AM
1 votes:
"STUCK TOY IN RECTUM AND BROKE OFF, SAW MOM INSERT TAMPON AND MIMICKED"

I'm sure that makes for awkward family gatherings. I don't know what's worse, the lack of boundaries that lead to the initial observation or the errant attempt to mimic.
2012-12-26 10:51:54 AM
1 votes:

Generation_D: Vagina:

"PATIENT STATES SHE SLIPPED & FELL ONTO A TOY TRUCK WHILE CLEANING"


You can't honestly tell me that you have never had that happen.
2012-12-26 10:47:49 AM
1 votes:

Bit'O'Gristle:

NONONONONONONONONONONO....


That's what got you instead of "PIECE OF TIMBER"? My god, just thinking about the splinters made me shiver.
2012-12-26 10:47:16 AM
1 votes:
"PATIENT STATES SHE SLIPPED & FELL ONTO A TOY TRUCK WHILE CLEANING"

rrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiigggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhtttttttttttttt
2012-12-26 10:43:31 AM
1 votes:
It's always "the rectum", never "your rectum".
 
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