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(Deadspin)   So, what did we get stuck in our rectums in 2012? The year in review   (deadspin.com) divider line 210
    More: Strange, rectums  
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19571 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Dec 2012 at 10:42 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-26 03:09:20 PM  

j.lunatic: "[W]e will just have to conclude that flared-base advice isn't given to patients by doctors-ER or otherwise-because doctors secretly enjoy digging various foreign objects out of the variable rectums of various gentlemen."

Dan Savage, Savage Love, December 14, 2012


You know, if you go over to BadDragon.com (Totally NSFW), Flaired or Not-Flaired takes on a whole new meaning.
 
2012-12-26 03:11:26 PM  

swangoatman: 911Jenny: Zero children and a ginormous bedpost.

[i1.kym-cdn.com image 100x100]
But only IF you give consent and your safety word is "stop".


No, NO NO NO.
No.

You don't use "stop" as a safeword, because it can come up in play. Safewords have to be words that would normally not be said in the heat of the moment.

Like Barack Obama.

/not that I would know, or anything...
 
2012-12-26 03:12:20 PM  
Couldn't the French bread have been expelled from the rectum naturally? Just give the man a mild laxative, and wait for him to pinch off a loaf.
 
2012-12-26 03:13:59 PM  

A Terrible Human: Rectum:
FRENCH BREAD
HAND WRENCH
CIGARETTE LIGHTER
CRAYON
"STUCK TOY IN RECTUM AND BROKE OFF, SAW MOM INSERT TAMPON AND MIMICKED"
VIAL OF BATH SALTS
ARTIFICIAL CHRISTMAS TREE BRANCH
DRUM STICK
VINEGAR BOTTLE
LOTION BOTTLE
MOUTHWASH BOTTLE
SHAMPOO BOTTLE
BABY BOTTLE
"LOOFA W/SUCTION CUP W/HOOK ATTACHED"

WTF. Also rectum,damn near killed him!


I want to know how the hell a drumstick got stuck, they ain't shaped that way, did it get broken? how did they get to the ER with a drumstick sticking out their arse?

unless it's a chicken drumstick and the idiot stuck the meaty end in first, then I could see it getting stuck
 
2012-12-26 03:15:43 PM  

basemetal: "LOOFA W/SUCTION CUP W/HOOK ATTACHED"

o.O


they got to scrubbing their ass clean with a loofa, and just went too far, TOO FAR I TELL YOU
 
2012-12-26 03:21:00 PM  

LazarusLong42: sandbar67: I had my colon removed from my rectum in 2012. Thanks for asking.

Now you only have a semicolon?


Was this posted by a Farkette? If so, I just hope it didn't affect her periods.
 
2012-12-26 03:22:18 PM  
It would almost be worth it to go to the ER with a Pat Buchanan or Newt Gingrich bobblehead doll stuck up your ass so when this article comes out one of the item on the list is a Pat Buchanan bobblehead doll.

/almost
 
2012-12-26 03:23:57 PM  

BronyMedic: swangoatman: 911Jenny: Zero children and a ginormous bedpost.

[i1.kym-cdn.com image 100x100]
But only IF you give consent and your safety word is "stop".

No, NO NO NO.
No.

You don't use "stop" as a safeword, because it can come up in play. Safewords have to be words that would normally not be said in the heat of the moment.

Like Barack Obama.

/not that I would know, or anything...


[fluggengeinheimen.jpg]
/poorly spelled, but not obscure...
 
2012-12-26 03:28:02 PM  
i.huffpost.com

/I would like to stick something in her rectum
//it would be the best seven seconds of my life
 
2012-12-26 03:36:26 PM  
Fingers of Texas State Trooper Kellie Helleson unavailable for comment.
 
2012-12-26 04:01:12 PM  

Ed Grubermann: ZAZ: My favorite:

Wasn't that a movie with Pia Zadora?


I would let a young Pia Zadora insert about anything she wanted into my rectal cavity I could do the same to her.

cdn.styleforum.net
 
2012-12-26 04:02:53 PM  

j.lunatic: "[W]e will just have to conclude that flared-base advice isn't given to patients by doctors-ER or otherwise-because doctors secretly enjoy digging various foreign objects out of the variable rectums of various gentlemen."

Dan Savage, Savage Love, December 14, 2012


Boy did I read that wrong.

blog.lagunaniguelcarwash.com
 
2012-12-26 04:06:02 PM  

TheHappyCanadian: Uncle Tractor: 911Jenny: But I'm looking at my bedpost and thinking there's no effing way, not in a million years, not with all the lube in the world.

The question is whether your bedpost is wider than a newborn child.

/not sure I want to be in this thread anymore

I need an adult :(


...I suppose no but newborns aren't square.

Square peg, roundOMG why am I still pontificating on this?!?

I need a hug and a safe word for everyday life :(
 
2012-12-26 04:21:53 PM  
www.disneydreaming.com
 
2012-12-26 04:29:13 PM  

ZAZ: My favorite:

"12YOF GOING THROUGH MOM'S DRAWER, FOUND PENIS SHAPED 'PLEASURE ITEM,' EXPERIMENTING PUTTING IN HER VAGINA, COULDN'T GET OUT"


That must have been one small "pleasure item" to get lost in the hoo-ha of a 12 year old kid.

/not to mention getting over the ick factor of using mom's sex toy
 
2012-12-26 04:40:50 PM  

doczoidberg: That 12 year old must have one epic vagina....


I'm thinking "uterus" at this point.
 
2012-12-26 04:42:52 PM  

Great Janitor: When I was in high school a fight broke out between two guys. Both had long histories of fighting, bullying, suspensions, expulsions, etc... Both had been arrested at least once. So I watched as these two fought. I had seen many high school fights, but never between two people like this. This is like getting front row tickets to a pay per view wrestling match and witnessing the heavy weight title match. With zero tolerance it was great because both were going to be sent to the special school for problem students.

The fight ended as the winner picked up the loser and pulled down his pants and bent him over a table I wondered if there was going to be a victory rape. He took a pencil on the table, shoved it up the loser's ass and broke it off.

One left in hand cuffs in a police cruiser, the other in an ambulance.


What kinda high school you went to were fights ended in a$& raping?
 
2012-12-26 04:50:08 PM  

Great Janitor: He took a pencil on the table, shoved it up the loser's ass and broke it off.


I hope it was a number 2.
 
2012-12-26 05:05:40 PM  

aagrajag: peasants_are_revolting: A Terrible Human: peasants_are_revolting: Ooo or this one: White 82YOM PLACED DRINKING GLASS IN RECTUM FOR SEXUAL PURPOSES AND GLASS BROKE. UNABLE TO REMOVE.

I've already seen that video and it looked unpleasant to say the least.
/One guy,one jar.
//Scar your mind forever.

Yeah, someone made me watch it. Pretty horrific. Our take on it was that it was intentional though.

Wat

Why would that be intentional?

I'm kinky and all, but colon shredding seems rather extreme to be a regular masturbatory activity.


Hey, I'm not saying it's normal, but if you watch the video it seems very deliberate.
 
2012-12-26 05:07:23 PM  

Cork on Fork: Great Janitor: He took a pencil on the table, shoved it up the loser's ass and broke it off.

I hope it was a number 2.


I am sure it all worked itself out in the end.
 
2012-12-26 05:09:10 PM  

Cork on Fork: Great Janitor: He took a pencil on the table, shoved it up the loser's ass and broke it off.

I hope it was a number 2.


it was as soon as it was shoved in there
 
2012-12-26 05:15:03 PM  
In Bizarro World, gerbils stick Richard Gere up their butts to get sexual satisfaction.
 
2012-12-26 05:18:52 PM  
Whatever you do, do not click on Glass Ass. (NSFW)
 
2012-12-26 05:28:13 PM  
Remember its an item stuck in a rectum its not "your" item or rectum
 
2012-12-26 05:31:28 PM  
DRUM STICK

images.static.steveweissmusic.com

t0.gstatic.com

resound.typepad.com

Can we get a little clarification, here?
 
2012-12-26 05:39:49 PM  
Ass Pennies...

giveandgetnycdotnet.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-12-26 05:45:05 PM  

cyberspacedout: Couldn't the French bread have been expelled from the rectum naturally? Just give the man a mild laxative, and wait for him to pinch off a loaf.


www.motifake.com
 
2012-12-26 06:03:14 PM  

muzzrphochr: Throat:
LEMON SEED
MAXI PAD

did your dentist run out of gauze?

/ew gross!


I was not going on the gross on this one. I am going on the HOW....
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2012-12-26 06:17:29 PM  
desertfool: That must have been one small "pleasure item" to get lost in the hoo-ha of a 12 year old kid.

I figured it was so large, or she so small, that it got wedged in and wouldn't come out. Which means she was really ramming it in hard. I wonder if it was on while it was stuck inside?
 
2012-12-26 06:22:43 PM  

ZAZ: desertfool: That must have been one small "pleasure item" to get lost in the hoo-ha of a 12 year old kid.

I figured it was so large, or she so small, that it got wedged in and wouldn't come out. Which means she was really ramming it in hard. I wonder if it was on while it was stuck inside?


Woman goes to the ER with a vibrator stuck in her pussy
After reviewing the x-ray, the doctor tells the woman he will be able to easily remove it
The woman replies, I don't want it removed, just the batteries changed.
 
2012-12-26 06:25:07 PM  

ZAZ: My favorite:

"12YOF GOING THROUGH MOM'S DRAWER, FOUND PENIS SHAPED 'PLEASURE ITEM,' EXPERIMENTING PUTTING IN HER VAGINA, COULDN'T GET OUT"


I always enjoy golf-related michief.
 
2012-12-26 06:43:32 PM  
There's always something hilarious about these threads.
 
2012-12-26 06:46:37 PM  
don't wanna know...

cdn.ebaumsworld.com
 
2012-12-26 07:29:44 PM  
I was not aware that guys were using soda can pull tabs for sounding. C'mon, isn't that a little ridiculous? It's possible to be both freaky and safe.

I know that there are websites out there that supply novelties for just this purpose. And then there are novelties that can be repurposed if you manage to stretch your urethra that much and want to keep pushing the envelope. Though you might end up like that 12YOG who got the toy stuck in there. Nonetheless, even that would be preferable to using pull tabs.

Somehow I doubt they sanitized the pull tabs first. All sorts of germs can get into the folds in the tabs and transfer.

Though someone who does this might actually enjoy a UTI.
 
2012-12-26 07:36:46 PM  

FuryOfFirestorm: Whatever you do, do not click on Glass Ass. (NSFW)


Flashblock for the save!
 
2012-12-26 07:39:49 PM  
BolloxReader:Though someone who does this might actually enjoy a UTI.

As long as the instrument is made of stainless or surgical steel, and doesn't actually go into the bladder, you're kosher. It's not like the urethra is clean anyway.
 
2012-12-26 07:46:23 PM  

Fluorescent Testicle: BronyMedic: PROTIP: We Paramedics are going to laugh at you anyway afterwords. Just be honest about how it got there. We really don't care if you decided that a towel rack made a good dildo. Lying about it just makes us laugh harder.

I'm not in the medical profession, but my parents are, and I'll never forget mum's story (with x-ray proof) about the guy who had an entire 2B pencil jammed up his dickhole into his bladder, lead first.

/And yes, he claimed that he "Slipped and landed on it."
//The laws of physics themselves must've facepalmed when he said that.


Are you saying you'd do it ERASER first . . ? Pervert . . .
 
2012-12-26 08:15:39 PM  

ZAZ: desertfool: That must have been one small "pleasure item" to get lost in the hoo-ha of a 12 year old kid.

I figured it was so large, or she so small, that it got wedged in and wouldn't come out. Which means she was really ramming it in hard. I wonder if it was on while it was stuck inside?


If it went in I would assume that it would come out if it was longer than the depth.
 
2012-12-26 08:17:05 PM  

irishjihad: Fluorescent Testicle: BronyMedic: PROTIP: We Paramedics are going to laugh at you anyway afterwords. Just be honest about how it got there. We really don't care if you decided that a towel rack made a good dildo. Lying about it just makes us laugh harder.

I'm not in the medical profession, but my parents are, and I'll never forget mum's story (with x-ray proof) about the guy who had an entire 2B pencil jammed up his dickhole into his bladder, lead first.

/And yes, he claimed that he "Slipped and landed on it."
//The laws of physics themselves must've facepalmed when he said that.

Are you saying you'd do it ERASER first . . ? Pervert . . .


You can't show em the magic trick if you don't use the point to keep it stuck in the table

/maybe that's what killed Heath
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2012-12-26 08:34:02 PM  
If it went in I would assume that it would come out if it was longer than the depth.

Do they make sex toys like cat penises, barbed to go in easily and out abrasively?
 
2012-12-26 08:34:38 PM  

desertfool: ZAZ: desertfool: That must have been one small "pleasure item" to get lost in the hoo-ha of a 12 year old kid.

I figured it was so large, or she so small, that it got wedged in and wouldn't come out. Which means she was really ramming it in hard. I wonder if it was on while it was stuck inside?

If it went in I would assume that it would come out if it was longer than the depth.


1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-12-26 08:51:19 PM  

Warrener: Bit'O'Gristle: Penis:
SPOON
PLASTIC ZIP TIE
FORKS
ORNAMENT
"PIECE OF TIMBER"
PEN
SODA CAN POP TOP

I can imagine a few of the bad puns in the ER for that one "And the pen is..."


"Gussy it up however you want, Trebek, what matters is - does it work?"
 
2012-12-26 08:58:05 PM  

ZAZ: If it went in I would assume that it would come out if it was longer than the depth.

Do they make sex toys like cat penises, barbed to go in easily and out abrasively?


That, ZAZ, is a question I really don't want the answer to.
 
2012-12-26 09:03:14 PM  
I...I...I...I'm still squirming.

Penis:
SPOON
PLASTIC ZIP TIE
FORKS
ORNAMENT
"PIECE OF TIMBER"
PEN
SODA CAN POP TOP
 
2012-12-26 09:22:58 PM  
I think the one thing i saw that made me cringe the most was the internet video of the bull that gets his horn all up in that guy and lifts him up and throws him aside. This was in an arena during some bullfight shinanigans.... The guy kept running like nothing happened but .....OUCH!

The funniest I saw was a teenage girl with some friends clibing over a fence and doesn't quite make it. It wasn't enough to cause damage but enough to hold her in place until one of her friends lifts her up a bit...Hilarious
 
2012-12-26 09:38:50 PM  
Next episode, "Fun in the Vegetable Aisle with Friends"....

/now who wants to....
 
2012-12-26 09:39:15 PM  
My dad's story: He was hanging out at a bar when some young guy went running through streaking. Some of the guys grabbed the naked guy and did a bunch of stuff to him to encourage him to never streak again. One piece of torture my dad divulged was they stuck a toothpick up the urethra and broke it well inside. I know not a pencil, however it is what I have to share. I am glad I never got into a fight with someone who marks victory in this matter.
 
2012-12-26 09:57:09 PM  
A spoon up in the urethra? Even a small spoon is a heck of a lot bigger than anything I'd like put up there! When I had my prostate removed I had to wear a catheter for 10 days while the repaired urethra healed. It was a 3/8" diameter flexible tube that ran up into the bladder and was held up there by a balloon. It was VERY uncomfortable to wear, especially while sleeping if I rolled over the wrong way. When the time came to remove it, the nurse showed up, deflated the balloon, and then said "count to 3 and I'll pull it out". I said "one" and she jerked the damn thing right out of there. All I could say after that was "what happened to 2 and 3?"...
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2012-12-26 10:23:53 PM  
sokalis

A long time ago we had a photoshop contest starting with a still of some guy getting gored in the groin.
 
2012-12-26 10:40:42 PM  

Bendal: A spoon up in the urethra? Even a small spoon is a heck of a lot bigger than anything I'd like put up there! When I had my prostate removed I had to wear a catheter for 10 days while the repaired urethra healed. It was a 3/8" diameter flexible tube that ran up into the bladder and was held up there by a balloon. It was VERY uncomfortable to wear, especially while sleeping if I rolled over the wrong way. When the time came to remove it, the nurse showed up, deflated the balloon, and then said "count to 3 and I'll pull it out". I said "one" and she jerked the damn thing right out of there. All I could say after that was "what happened to 2 and 3?"...


To make sure she wasn't trying to pull it out when you clamped down on 3. She wanted to make sure you were relaxed because there is less chance for injury.
 
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