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(Deadspin)   So, what did we get stuck in our rectums in 2012? The year in review   (deadspin.com) divider line 210
    More: Strange, rectums  
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19562 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Dec 2012 at 10:42 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-26 12:28:12 PM

peasants_are_revolting: Ooo or this one: White 82YOM PLACED DRINKING GLASS IN RECTUM FOR SEXUAL PURPOSES AND GLASS BROKE. UNABLE TO REMOVE.


There is a highly instructional video that warns against the dangers of using glass objects as sexual toys. Perhaps you might research it. I couldn't watch very far, though.
 
2012-12-26 12:31:09 PM
12/19/2011 24 F Black 24 YOF C/O HER BOYFRIEND LOST A VIBRATOR IN HER RECTUM


Whilst spelunking?
 
2012-12-26 12:31:19 PM

peasants_are_revolting: Ooo or this one: White 82YOM PLACED DRINKING GLASS IN RECTUM FOR SEXUAL PURPOSES AND GLASS BROKE. UNABLE TO REMOVE.


I've already seen that video and it looked unpleasant to say the least.
/One guy,one jar.
//Scar your mind forever.
 
2012-12-26 12:32:20 PM
Fluorescent Testicle: I'm not in the medical profession, but my parents are, and I'll never forget mum's story (with x-ray proof) about the guy who had an entire 2B pencil jammed up his dickhole into his bladder, lead first.

/And yes, he claimed that he "Slipped and landed on it."
//The laws of physics themselves must've facepalmed when he said that.

At least it was a 2B and not a 2H. Much softer on the tender linings of your penis. Clearly he was an artistically knowledgeable sexual deviant. Not that i would know anything about being one of those.
 
2012-12-26 12:32:26 PM

A Terrible Human: peasants_are_revolting: Ooo or this one: White 82YOM PLACED DRINKING GLASS IN RECTUM FOR SEXUAL PURPOSES AND GLASS BROKE. UNABLE TO REMOVE.

I've already seen that video and it looked unpleasant to say the least.
/One guy,one jar.
//Scar your mind forever.


Yeah, someone made me watch it. Pretty horrific. Our take on it was that it was intentional though.
 
2012-12-26 12:37:19 PM

peasants_are_revolting: Yeah, someone made me watch it. Pretty horrific. Our take on it was that it was intentional though.

There is no reaction image big enough for the horror of that.
 
2012-12-26 12:37:48 PM

My BRAND!: Fluorescent Testicle: I'm not in the medical profession, but my parents are, and I'll never forget mum's story (with x-ray proof) about the guy who had an entire 2B pencil jammed up his dickhole into his bladder, lead first.

/And yes, he claimed that he "Slipped and landed on it."
//The laws of physics themselves must've facepalmed when he said that.

At least it was a 2B and not a 2H. Much softer on the tender linings of your penis. Clearly he was an artistically knowledgeable sexual deviant. Not that i would know anything about being one of those.


As someone who has had medical devices inserted and retracted through my urethra due to kidney stones (owowowowowow BTW).....

how the hell can anyone "enjoy" doing that?

/Hurt like a SOB to pee for quite a while after
 
2012-12-26 12:38:53 PM

peasants_are_revolting: A Terrible Human: peasants_are_revolting: Ooo or this one: White 82YOM PLACED DRINKING GLASS IN RECTUM FOR SEXUAL PURPOSES AND GLASS BROKE. UNABLE TO REMOVE.

I've already seen that video and it looked unpleasant to say the least.
/One guy,one jar.
//Scar your mind forever.

Yeah, someone made me watch it. Pretty horrific. Our take on it was that it was intentional though.


Wat

Why would that be intentional?

I'm kinky and all, but colon shredding seems rather extreme to be a regular masturbatory activity.
 
2012-12-26 12:43:10 PM

darth_badger: [www.progarchives.com image 500x500]


It took me a minute to figure that one out. Well played.
 
2012-12-26 12:46:35 PM
This is why you should always attached a string to everything....or so i'm told.
 
2012-12-26 12:48:24 PM

G.I.R.B.: My BRAND!: Fluorescent Testicle: I'm not in the medical profession, but my parents are, and I'll never forget mum's story (with x-ray proof) about the guy who had an entire 2B pencil jammed up his dickhole into his bladder, lead first.

/And yes, he claimed that he "Slipped and landed on it."
//The laws of physics themselves must've facepalmed when he said that.

At least it was a 2B and not a 2H. Much softer on the tender linings of your penis. Clearly he was an artistically knowledgeable sexual deviant. Not that i would know anything about being one of those.

As someone who has had medical devices inserted and retracted through my urethra due to kidney stones (owowowowowow BTW).....

how the hell can anyone "enjoy" doing that?

/Hurt like a SOB to pee for quite a while after


Does Rule 34 apply here?
 
2012-12-26 12:48:44 PM
Bit'O'Gristle:
Penis:
SPOON
PLASTIC ZIP TIE
FORKS
ORNAMENT
"PIECE OF TIMBER"
PEN
SODA CAN POP TOP

NONONONONONONONONONONO....


Oh, like "piece of timber" and "forks" didn't disturb you?

"Oh well, sticking splintery wood and large eating utensils up your teensy weensy dick hole is one thing... but pop tops? My god man! This is madness!"
 
Slu
2012-12-26 12:48:54 PM
My buddy was an ER doctor for a while. He said people come in with stuff stuck in thier asses a couple times a month. And 99% of them just claim to have general stomach or abdominal pain until he slaps up the X-ray and asks them if they think the matchbox car or light bulb in their ass might be the problem. Then he gets the cleaning naked story.
 
2012-12-26 12:51:22 PM

ZAZ: My favorite:

"12YOF GOING THROUGH MOM'S DRAWER, FOUND PENIS SHAPED 'PLEASURE ITEM,' EXPERIMENTING PUTTING IN HER VAGINA, COULDN'T GET OUT"


Wasn't that a movie with Pia Zadora?
 
2012-12-26 12:53:11 PM
peasants_are_revolting: Ooo or this one: White 82YOM PLACED DRINKING GLASS IN RECTUM FOR SEXUAL PURPOSES AND GLASS BROKE. UNABLE TO REMOVE.

I'm guessing that the obituary will just say "natural causes".
 
2012-12-26 12:53:23 PM

911Jenny: But I'm looking at my bedpost and thinking there's no effing way, not in a million years, not with all the lube in the world.


Those women go slow. Take their time. They start small, like with a fist, and work their way up to a 1978 El Camino.
 
2012-12-26 12:55:28 PM

911Jenny: TheHappyCanadian: Muta: 911Jenny: A BEDPOST?!?!?

I can't even....

Check out motherless to see how it works.

no way, Motherless is full of "incest" and poo

Ooo. Good lookin' out. I mean I understand how it happens as far as Tab A inserts into Slot B....

But I'm looking at my bedpost and thinking there's no effing way, not in a million years, not with all the lube in the world.


Depends on the bedpost and how many children you've had.
 
2012-12-26 12:56:09 PM

BronyMedic: 911Jenny: But I'm looking at my bedpost and thinking there's no effing way, not in a million years, not with all the lube in the world.

Those women go slow. Take their time. They start small, like with a fist, and work their way up to a 1978 El Camino.


I see you've discovered The Amazing Ty.
 
2012-12-26 12:56:52 PM
Zero children and a ginormous bedpost.
 
2012-12-26 01:00:17 PM
Some Politician had an idea in 2012

top10king.com
 
2012-12-26 01:01:48 PM

Brick-House: Some Politician had an idea in 2012

[top10king.com image 400x385]


I thought they called that the "Uncle Fester."
 
2012-12-26 01:03:43 PM
Only use sex toys that have a set of balls or some other "safety stop" on the aft end.
 
2012-12-26 01:04:33 PM

BronyMedic: 911Jenny: But I'm looking at my bedpost and thinking there's no effing way, not in a million years, not with all the lube in the world.

Those women go slow. Take their time. They start small, like with a fist, and work their way up to a 1978 El Camino.


You just need enough lube...
images.cryhavok.org
 
2012-12-26 01:06:46 PM
Here is the thing, we do they even give a BS story of "I was in the shower with my toy firetruck and I slipped" story in the first place. Why bother giving a reason? Just say "hey doc there is a toy firetruck up my bum and I need to have it removed." Why not give no story and just say what the problem is.
 
2012-12-26 01:09:19 PM

MythDragon: You just need enough lube...


I'd forgotten about that pic. Well played!
 
2012-12-26 01:09:49 PM
ARTIFICIAL CHRISTMAS TREE BRANCH

t2.gstatic.com

that's why you have to insert pointy side first. Otherwise when you go to pull it out, the needles spread and function much like a rock-climbing cam.


...at least that's what I've heard....
 
2012-12-26 01:11:51 PM
Came for Lemmiwinks. Am dissapoint.
 
2012-12-26 01:15:35 PM

Arkanaut: It's always "the rectum", never "your rectum".


Bazinga
 
2012-12-26 01:20:00 PM

Wasilla Hillbilly: [wmbriggs.com image 400x399]



forget former post, what's with the "Boneless" label?

is there a bone-in brand ... nonononononono .......
 
2012-12-26 01:21:03 PM
Did this happen at a medium pace?
 
2012-12-26 01:23:16 PM
 
2012-12-26 01:24:38 PM
3.bp.blogspot.com
"It was a million-to-one shot, Doc!"
 
2012-12-26 01:25:01 PM
Subby forgot to mention the bonus xray.
 
2012-12-26 01:25:51 PM
MythDragon

that's why you have to insert pointy side first. Otherwise when you go to pull it out, the needles spread and function much like a rock-climbing cam.

My ex once took a #1 camalot off my rack, pulled the trigger, looked at me and said "heh".

/I said "no".
 
2012-12-26 01:27:36 PM
media.tumblr.com
 
2012-12-26 01:31:12 PM

911Jenny: But I'm looking at my bedpost and thinking there's no effing way, not in a million years, not with all the lube in the world.


The question is whether your bedpost is wider than a newborn child.

/not sure I want to be in this thread anymore
 
2012-12-26 01:32:20 PM
I knew a guy who packed his sinus cavity with chicked bones. He did so quietly and didn't tell anyone. No one could figure out why his voice suddenly sounded different. We only found out after a few other more public episodes found him in a special ward of the hospital. That was several years ago. He's still there.
 
2012-12-26 01:36:11 PM

peasants_are_revolting: Guys, if you want some real laughs/shudders, go to the actual database. There are plenty of funny ones they missed, such as this one:

White 82YOM STUCK A PEPPERONI IN RECTUM WITH A PENCILFOREIGN BODY RECTUM


From 1987, the grandaddy of 'em all, the white plastic ping-pong ball and concrete enema mix.

I took a side detour to 2002, wherein a game of hide the salami went all pear-shaped. Or was it the other way around?

Then this guy in 2005 decides the guy from 1987 wasn't hardcore enough; he sees 1987's concrete enema dude and raises with epoxy resin, specifically "a liquid used as masonry adhesive for anal sexual gratification."

Thank you to whomever invented recommendation systems, for turning a little research into an hour of giggling, chortling, and jaw-dropping befuddlement.
 
2012-12-26 01:40:56 PM

KaiZas: 12/19/2011 24 F Black 24 YOF C/O HER BOYFRIEND LOST A VIBRATOR IN HER RECTUM


Whilst spelunking?


Notice it says "a vibrator", not her vibrator.
 
2012-12-26 01:55:30 PM

My BRAND!: G.I.R.B.: My BRAND!: Fluorescent Testicle: I'm not in the medical profession, but my parents are, and I'll never forget mum's story (with x-ray proof) about the guy who had an entire 2B pencil jammed up his dickhole into his bladder, lead first.

/And yes, he claimed that he "Slipped and landed on it."
//The laws of physics themselves must've facepalmed when he said that.

At least it was a 2B and not a 2H. Much softer on the tender linings of your penis. Clearly he was an artistically knowledgeable sexual deviant. Not that i would know anything about being one of those.

As someone who has had medical devices inserted and retracted through my urethra due to kidney stones (owowowowowow BTW).....

how the hell can anyone "enjoy" doing that?

/Hurt like a SOB to pee for quite a while after

Does Rule 34 apply here?


Sad to say....probably yes.

/NOT going to GIS....................
 
2012-12-26 01:59:05 PM

Huntceet: Came for Lemmiwinks. Am dissapoint.


No love for the Mr. Slave link I posted?
 
2012-12-26 01:59:13 PM

911Jenny: Zero children and a ginormous bedpost.


i1.kym-cdn.com
But only IF you give consent and your safety word is "stop".
 
2012-12-26 02:06:49 PM

No Such Agency: Bit'O'Gristle:
Penis:
SPOON
PLASTIC ZIP TIE
FORKS
ORNAMENT
"PIECE OF TIMBER"
PEN
SODA CAN POP TOP

NONONONONONONONONONONO....

Oh, like "piece of timber" and "forks" didn't disturb you?

"Oh well, sticking splintery wood and large eating utensils up your teensy weensy dick hole is one thing... but pop tops? My god man! This is madness!"


If you think "toothpick" and "fork tine" you go, "that sounds awful, but they're pretty narrow-ish... I guess." When you think something that's 1/2" across and made of sheet metal, you realize that your legs are pressing together really hard.
 
2012-12-26 02:07:41 PM
When I was in high school a fight broke out between two guys. Both had long histories of fighting, bullying, suspensions, expulsions, etc... Both had been arrested at least once. So I watched as these two fought. I had seen many high school fights, but never between two people like this. This is like getting front row tickets to a pay per view wrestling match and witnessing the heavy weight title match. With zero tolerance it was great because both were going to be sent to the special school for problem students.

The fight ended as the winner picked up the loser and pulled down his pants and bent him over a table I wondered if there was going to be a victory rape. He took a pencil on the table, shoved it up the loser's ass and broke it off.

One left in hand cuffs in a police cruiser, the other in an ambulance.
 
2012-12-26 02:08:35 PM

StrikitRich: Huntceet: Came for Lemmiwinks. Am dissapoint.

No love for the Mr. Slave link I posted?


Respect
 
2012-12-26 02:14:18 PM
Worst is in the comments "missed a few... Penis: Operated on a guy where we removed (2) 6" sections of wire hanger and also a metal chain-link necklace that had obviously been in his bladder for some time.... (((CRINGE)))  "
 
2012-12-26 02:22:43 PM

Great Janitor: When I was in high school a fight broke out between two guys. Both had long histories of fighting, bullying, suspensions, expulsions, etc... Both had been arrested at least once. So I watched as these two fought. I had seen many high school fights, but never between two people like this. This is like getting front row tickets to a pay per view wrestling match and witnessing the heavy weight title match. With zero tolerance it was great because both were going to be sent to the special school for problem students.

The fight ended as the winner picked up the loser and pulled down his pants and bent him over a table I wondered if there was going to be a victory rape. He took a pencil on the table, shoved it up the loser's ass and broke it off.

One left in hand cuffs in a police cruiser, the other in an ambulance.


anongallery.org
 
2012-12-26 02:50:08 PM
Anything on there about "The Pickle Incident"?
 
2012-12-26 02:58:44 PM
rectum, damn near killed 'em.
 
2012-12-26 03:02:14 PM

Uncle Tractor: 911Jenny: But I'm looking at my bedpost and thinking there's no effing way, not in a million years, not with all the lube in the world.

The question is whether your bedpost is wider than a newborn child.

/not sure I want to be in this thread anymore


I need an adult :(
 
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