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(Deadspin)   So, what did we get stuck in our rectums in 2012? The year in review   (deadspin.com) divider line 210
    More: Strange, rectums  
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19573 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Dec 2012 at 10:42 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-26 11:05:25 AM  
Makes me wonder how many of these people got butt plugs yesterday. Let's face it, if I had a friend who I knew had to go to the doctor to remove an object from his/her ass, their getting an anal toy from me just to save them another trip to the ER.

And how would anyone know? Someone had to drive them to the ER or at least pick them up. Of course, I am sure the bath salts wasn't there for pleasure but as a drug mule.
 
2012-12-26 11:05:55 AM  
I don't need to know.

I don't even want to know.

*click*

"FRENCH BREAD"

"LOOFA W/SUCTION CUP W/HOOK ATTACHED"

i560.photobucket.com

Wouldn't those immediately dry-stick to the insides of wherever? Besides getting them out, HTH did they get them in?
 
2012-12-26 11:05:55 AM  

Rembrant_Q_Einstein: I, for one, enjoy an occasional cigarette lighter in the rectum. The Bic ones, not the re-fillable ones.


Hell with that, Zippo or nothing.
 
2012-12-26 11:06:26 AM  

BronyMedic: Suuuuure you did, buddy. And your pants just HAPPENED to be around your ankles at the time, right? I guess all that water-based lube made the floor extra slippery.


I use the lube to put on my leather pants.  I guess I must have grabbed the towel rack on the way down.
 
2012-12-26 11:06:28 AM  

911Jenny: A BEDPOST?!?!?

I can't even....


Check out motherless to see how it works.
 
2012-12-26 11:06:50 AM  

cgraves67: "STUCK TOY IN RECTUM AND BROKE OFF, SAW MOM INSERT TAMPON AND MIMICKED"

I'm sure that makes for awkward family gatherings. I don't know what's worse, the lack of boundaries that lead to the initial observation or the errant attempt to mimic.


Once you become a mom, it becomes exponentially more difficult to go to the bathroom by yourself. (You'd think all home bathrooms have locks. You would be wrong. Also, they're not that hard to pick.)

Arkanaut: rocinante721: Pretty sure rectums it's "rectae"

Recta. If the singular was already "recta" then it would be "rectae", but it isn't.


Bears repeating.
 
2012-12-26 11:07:08 AM  
What sort of sex-crazed maniac sticks a hairspray can into her hoo-ha without thinking about what might happen to the cap?
 
2012-12-26 11:07:32 AM  

BronyMedic: PROTIP: We Paramedics are going to laugh at you anyway afterwords. Just be honest about how it got there. We really don't care if you decided that a towel rack made a good dildo. Lying about it just makes us laugh harder.


I'm not in the medical profession, but my parents are, and I'll never forget mum's story (with x-ray proof) about the guy who had an entire 2B pencil jammed up his dickhole into his bladder, lead first.

/And yes, he claimed that he "Slipped and landed on it."
//The laws of physics themselves must've facepalmed when he said that.
 
2012-12-26 11:08:35 AM  

littlett's: BronyMedic: Suuuuure you did, buddy. And your pants just HAPPENED to be around your ankles at the time, right? I guess all that water-based lube made the floor extra slippery.

I use the lube to put on my leather pants.  I guess I must have grabbed the towel rack on the way down.


To be fair, an anally inserted towel rack which perforated out the other side of the abdomen was the first impaled object I had ever seen. Kid got startled by mom and fell back onto a tile floor.

Uncle Tractor: "FRENCH BREAD"

24.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-12-26 11:10:00 AM  
Rembrant_Q_Einstein: I, for one, enjoy an occasional cigarette lighter in the rectum. The Bic ones, not the re-fillable ones.

Well obviously not a re-fillable one.
 
2012-12-26 11:10:20 AM  

gunsmack: Rembrant_Q_Einstein: I, for one, enjoy an occasional cigarette lighter in the rectum. The Bic ones, not the re-fillable ones.

Hell with that, Zippo or nothing.


Eh....they shoot out at unpredictable angles and tend to crack my bathroom mirrors once airborne!!
 
2012-12-26 11:10:46 AM  

Warrener: Bit'O'Gristle: Penis:
SPOON
PLASTIC ZIP TIE
FORKS
ORNAMENT
"PIECE OF TIMBER"
PEN
SODA CAN POP TOP

I can imagine a few of the bad puns in the ER for that one "And the pen is..."


Wanted to become part of the pen 15 club?
 
2012-12-26 11:10:51 AM  

Muta: 911Jenny: A BEDPOST?!?!?

I can't even....

Check out motherless to see how it works.


I should clarify that I was investigating this issue purely for academic purposes.
 
2012-12-26 11:11:59 AM  

BronyMedic: towel rack which perforated out the other side of the abdomen


OMG!!!   Ok that would have been very scary for the kid.  Bad enough getting caught by your mom, but WOW!
 
2012-12-26 11:17:21 AM  

Grave_Girl: cgraves67: "STUCK TOY IN RECTUM AND BROKE OFF, SAW MOM INSERT TAMPON AND MIMICKED"

I'm sure that makes for awkward family gatherings. I don't know what's worse, the lack of boundaries that lead to the initial observation or the errant attempt to mimic.

Once you become a mom, it becomes exponentially more difficult to go to the bathroom by yourself. (You'd think all home bathrooms have locks. You would be wrong. Also, they're not that hard to pick.)

Arkanaut: rocinante721: Pretty sure rectums it's "rectae"

Recta. If the singular was already "recta" then it would be "rectae", but it isn't.

Bears repeating.


I have a little one at home myself and I get that, but they reach a certain age then you teach them about privacy and boundaries.
 
2012-12-26 11:17:23 AM  

somedude210: Wasilla Hillbilly: [wmbriggs.com image 400x399]

why would you want an inverted rectum?

also, who know that pig rectums had bones?


Also, if the boxes are to be trusted, it ends the whole rectums/rectae debate.
 
2012-12-26 11:20:31 AM  
Reminds me of a certain modified wooden toilet roller.
 
2012-12-26 11:22:58 AM  
No pickle listed, I see.
 
2012-12-26 11:23:46 AM  

turbocucumber: Reminds me of a certain modified wooden toilet roller.


Wow. Just wow.
 
2012-12-26 11:25:46 AM  
FRENCH BREAD

That's where I lost it.
 
2012-12-26 11:28:08 AM  
No mention of Boeing dude letting horse use his backdoor.
 
2012-12-26 11:28:23 AM  

doczoidberg: That 12 year old must have one epic vagina....



3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-12-26 11:31:56 AM  
bestuff.com

Drum sticks? Plural?
 
2012-12-26 11:31:58 AM  

give me doughnuts: IT WAS A MILLION TO ONE SHOT, DOC! MILLION TO ONE!


just as i was saying to myself someone better have posted the 'million to one shot doc' reference, i read your post.

i am happy now, ty :)
 
2012-12-26 11:32:59 AM  

ZAZ: My favorite:

"12YOF GOING THROUGH MOM'S DRAWER, FOUND PENIS SHAPED 'PLEASURE ITEM,' EXPERIMENTING PUTTING IN HER VAGINA, COULDN'T GET OUT"


25 years later and it would have fallen out when she stood up.

/That's got to be one fantastic family story to be handed down by the generations.
 
2012-12-26 11:35:07 AM  
www.progarchives.com
 
2012-12-26 11:36:42 AM  

Rembrant_Q_Einstein: gunsmack: Rembrant_Q_Einstein: I, for one, enjoy an occasional cigarette lighter in the rectum. The Bic ones, not the re-fillable ones.

Hell with that, Zippo or nothing.

Eh....they shoot out at unpredictable angles and tend to crack my bathroom mirrors once airborne!!


sure, but they make for great parlor tricks: grab the left nut, crank the honker 90 degrees to the left, ARMAGEDDON
 
2012-12-26 11:39:47 AM  

Muta: 911Jenny: A BEDPOST?!?!?

I can't even....

Check out motherless to see how it works.


no way, Motherless is full of "incest" and poo
 
2012-12-26 11:40:09 AM  

sandbar67: I had my colon removed from my rectum in 2012. Thanks for asking.


Now you only have a semicolon?
 
2012-12-26 11:41:15 AM  

BronyMedic: littlett's: I slipped and fell.  How many times do I have to tell you that I slipped on the wet floor and the next thing I knew it was lodged in there.

Suuuuure you did, buddy. And your pants just HAPPENED to be around your ankles at the time, right? I guess all that water-based lube made the floor extra slippery.

[shedrowconfessions.files.wordpress.com image 225x224]


What you don't do your house cleaning in the nude?
 
2012-12-26 11:41:52 AM  

BronyMedic: PROTIP: We Paramedics are going to laugh at you anyway afterwords. Just be honest about how it got there. We really don't care if you decided that a towel rack made a good dildo. Lying about it just makes us laugh harder.


Bad story: Millions of years ago when I was an EMT, we drove to the house of these two chaps, one of whom had stuck a plunger to the floor of the tub and was taking the handle for a spin. His feet slipped and when his boy friend heard the screaming he ran in to find the other guy skewered. He died later at the hospital.

Funny story: One girl's story was that she was gardening naked, slipped, and landed on her cucumber....um.....bush. To her dismay, one of them managed slipped right up there and get stuck.
 
2012-12-26 11:46:01 AM  

911Jenny: A BEDPOST?!?!?

I can't even....


You really don't look at enough Internet porn.
 
2012-12-26 11:46:25 AM  

cgraves67: Grave_Girl: cgraves67: "STUCK TOY IN RECTUM AND BROKE OFF, SAW MOM INSERT TAMPON AND MIMICKED"

I'm sure that makes for awkward family gatherings. I don't know what's worse, the lack of boundaries that lead to the initial observation or the errant attempt to mimic.

Once you become a mom, it becomes exponentially more difficult to go to the bathroom by yourself. (You'd think all home bathrooms have locks. You would be wrong. Also, they're not that hard to pick.)

Arkanaut: rocinante721: Pretty sure rectums it's "rectae"

Recta. If the singular was already "recta" then it would be "rectae", but it isn't.

Bears repeating.

I have a little one at home myself and I get that, but they reach a certain age then you teach them about privacy and boundaries.


Offhand I am going to guess that the time they understand boundaries at least roughly coincides with the time they're smart enough not to put things up their butt 'cause they see Mom inserting a tampon. Perhaps I am naive, but I can only imagine a toddler doing something like that. (I do have a hard time imagining it at all, to be honest.)
 
2012-12-26 11:46:54 AM  
yet, women still will not go to get all of that sand out.
 
2012-12-26 11:47:15 AM  
Throat:
LEMON SEED
MAXI PAD

did your dentist run out of gauze?

/ew gross!
 
2012-12-26 11:53:48 AM  

doczoidberg: That 12 year old must have one epic vagina....


Maybe she put it in sideways.

//BRB; fapping
 
2012-12-26 11:54:04 AM  

muzzrphochr: Throat:
LEMON SEED
MAXI PAD

did your dentist run out of gauze?

/ew gross!


as someone who recently had all four wisdom teeth out, I can see using a maxipad to stem the bleeding as a last resort. I keep several in my first aid kit for puncture wounds. keeps your hand clean while pressing down on it, and soaks up a lot of blood
 
2012-12-26 11:54:56 AM  

Wasilla Hillbilly: [wmbriggs.com image 400x399]


Damn, only half of my recipe for hotdogs arrived. What to do with it???...
 
2012-12-26 11:56:00 AM  

LazarusLong42: sandbar67: I had my colon removed from my rectum in 2012. Thanks for asking.

Now you only have a semicolon?


i1247.photobucket.com

HAHA!
/Begins golf-clap.....
 
2012-12-26 12:02:52 PM  

JasonOfOrillia: So I was going to go straight to rectum but got side-tracked by penis. Yeeesh.


This is one of those sentences that ends off being taken out of context...
 
2012-12-26 12:03:46 PM  

Grave_Girl: cgraves67: Grave_Girl: cgraves67: "STUCK TOY IN RECTUM AND BROKE OFF, SAW MOM INSERT TAMPON AND MIMICKED"

I'm sure that makes for awkward family gatherings. I don't know what's worse, the lack of boundaries that lead to the initial observation or the errant attempt to mimic.

Once you become a mom, it becomes exponentially more difficult to go to the bathroom by yourself. (You'd think all home bathrooms have locks. You would be wrong. Also, they're not that hard to pick.)

Arkanaut: rocinante721: Pretty sure rectums it's "rectae"

Recta. If the singular was already "recta" then it would be "rectae", but it isn't.

Bears repeating.

I have a little one at home myself and I get that, but they reach a certain age then you teach them about privacy and boundaries.

Offhand I am going to guess that the time they understand boundaries at least roughly coincides with the time they're smart enough not to put things up their butt 'cause they see Mom inserting a tampon. Perhaps I am naive, but I can only imagine a toddler doing something like that. (I do have a hard time imagining it at all, to be honest.)


I guess toilet training age would be it. They can reach their butts well enough to wipe by that point and maybe mommy was doing some toilet demonstrating while she was on her period.

Maybe it's my particular cultural biases, but I don't think a kid older than that should be observing their parents' bathroom habits. I could notionally imagine a kid up to the age of 10 sticking things in their butts if they have a fascination with feces or something.
 
2012-12-26 12:09:48 PM  

give me doughnuts: gas giant: Bedknobs and broomsticks?

No! I do NOT need a mental image of Angela Lansbury in connection with any of these "insertions", thank you very much!


Anything and everything a chap can unload...
 
2012-12-26 12:12:56 PM  

gas giant: Bedknobs and broomsticks?


Childhood: ruined.
 
2012-12-26 12:13:45 PM  
content.bored.com

/hot
 
2012-12-26 12:22:29 PM  
Guys, if you want some real laughs/shudders, go to the actual database. There are plenty of funny ones they missed, such as this one:

White 82YOM STUCK A PEPPERONI IN RECTUM WITH A PENCILFOREIGN BODY RECTUM
 
2012-12-26 12:23:41 PM  
Ooo or this one: White 82YOM PLACED DRINKING GLASS IN RECTUM FOR SEXUAL PURPOSES AND GLASS BROKE. UNABLE TO REMOVE.
 
2012-12-26 12:24:57 PM  

TheHappyCanadian: Muta: 911Jenny: A BEDPOST?!?!?

I can't even....

Check out motherless to see how it works.

no way, Motherless is full of "incest" and poo


Ooo. Good lookin' out. I mean I understand how it happens as far as Tab A inserts into Slot B....

But I'm looking at my bedpost and thinking there's no effing way, not in a million years, not with all the lube in the world.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2012-12-26 12:25:44 PM  
swahnhennessy: What sort of...

At least one of those tricks was done on a dare. If you were drunk and trying to impress your friends wouldn't you?
 
2012-12-26 12:27:31 PM  
i70.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-26 12:28:01 PM  
Define 'stuck'.
 
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