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(New England Journal of Medicine)   If you drink coffee, you may or may not die. We are not sure. But to be safe, buy a grave plot. Have a nice day   (nejm.org) divider line 47
    More: Followup, study design, Adyar Cancer Institute, subgroups, coffee drinkers, blood sera, respiratory diseases, insulin resistance, Electric energy consumption  
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2012-12-25 08:29:28 AM  
They can have my coffee when they pry it from my cold, dead, still-twitching fingers..
 
2012-12-25 08:31:04 AM  
Conclusions

In this large prospective study, coffee consumption was inversely associated with total and cause-specific mortality.

Off to brew more coffee.
 
2012-12-25 08:35:00 AM  

St_Francis_P: Conclusions

In this large prospective study, coffee consumption was inversely associated with total and cause-specific mortality.

Off to brew more coffee.


A buddy of mine got his hands on a case of caffeinated bottled water. He used it to brew coffee. He was able to smell time.
 
NFA [TotalFark]
2012-12-25 08:40:39 AM  
Coffee, robber of life.
 
2012-12-25 09:57:02 AM  
If you drink coffee, you may or may not die. We are not sure.

I assure you that you will die if you drink coffee.  Hell, you don't even have to drink coffee.  You're gonna die eventually, either way.  It ain't like drinking coffee will make you live forever.
 
2012-12-25 11:05:46 AM  
"The association between coffee and risk of death remains unclear." Well, hell, that's a fine basis for an article.
 
2012-12-25 11:07:51 AM  
They aren't drawing any causal conclusions, but what they are saying is there is a slight negative relationship between coffee drinking and mortality
 
2012-12-25 11:11:12 AM  
Rule 1 - Never touch my bacon.
Rule 2 - Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line
Rule 3 - Do not touch my coffee.
 
2012-12-25 11:11:59 AM  
If you drink Starbucks coffee, you will die poor.
 
2012-12-25 11:12:17 AM  
100% of coffee drinkers eventually die.
 
2012-12-25 11:18:30 AM  
Two things I know for sure. One, I make a damn fine cup of coffee. Two, I'm gonna die.
 
2012-12-25 11:19:26 AM  
I can't stop drinking coffee so here's my backup plan: If I die (and I'm not convinced of this idea) and my will says "leave me out for the wild cats to eat" and then they shiat me out and if I (as cat shiat) fetch a high enough price at the bean auction (slipping myself in there as large, already-roasted beans) will I then become immortal and live as a self-aware stain on the inside of the world's coffee cups?
 
2012-12-25 11:23:02 AM  
I am a chemist, and coffee is the lifeblood of science, so I am required to drink it.

/ Mad scientist code book, section 7, paragraph 3.
 
2012-12-25 11:23:15 AM  
There is a much bigger problem than this. It may be hard to believe but 100% of Americans have their lives ended by death. Its an absolute crisis that nobody is doing anything about.
 
2012-12-25 11:26:39 AM  
I'd feel like a fool lying in a hospital bed dieing of nothing...
 
2012-12-25 11:28:44 AM  
I thought only guns caused death?

This is ridiculous. I was planning on living forever.
 
2012-12-25 11:36:00 AM  

Sir Cumference the Flatulent: St_Francis_P: Conclusions

In this large prospective study, coffee consumption was inversely associated with total and cause-specific mortality.

Off to brew more coffee.

A buddy of mine got his hands on a case of caffeinated bottled water. He used it to brew coffee. He was able to smell time.


Caffeinated bottled water?

"I'm never gonna get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? ADMIRAL Crunch?"
 
2012-12-25 11:39:48 AM  
If you outlaw death, only outlaws will die.
 
2012-12-25 11:40:28 AM  

computerguyUT: I thought only guns caused death?

This is ridiculous. I was planning on living forever.


Drink enough coffee, and maybe you will.
 
2012-12-25 11:52:57 AM  
Well then, I'll take my chances. At least that way there is a smaller chance of people dying by my hands.
 
2012-12-25 12:02:23 PM  
Begun, the Coffee Wars have
 
2012-12-25 12:35:25 PM  
 
2012-12-25 12:41:05 PM  
I just buy this http://www.deathwishcoffee.com/index.html
 
2012-12-25 12:55:57 PM  
*Sip.*
 
2012-12-25 01:13:15 PM  

Ima4nic8or: There is a much bigger problem than this. It may be hard to believe but 100% of Americans have their lives ended by death. Its an absolute crisis that nobody is doing anything about.


Despite years of research and millions of dollars, death continues to be our nation's leading killer.

/off to buy zinc oxide shares..
 
2012-12-25 01:17:08 PM  
... a grave plot.

A grave plot would be when the Masons and the Jews and Santa got together to blow up Baltimore.

You're thinking of a burial plot. Much differenter.
 
2012-12-25 01:19:12 PM  

Sin_City_Superhero: If you drink coffee, you may or may not die. We are not sure.

I assure you that you will die if you drink coffee.  Hell, you don't even have to drink coffee.  You're gonna die eventually, either way.  It ain't like drinking coffee will make you live forever.


It took much longer than it should have for this to be posted. It should have been at the top.

We're guaranteed only one thing in life. Too bad so many lose sight of this and don't live accordingly.
 
2012-12-25 01:20:25 PM  

Meatybrain: ... a grave plot.

A grave plot would be when the Masons and the Jews and Santa got together to blow up Baltimore.

You're thinking of a burial plot. Much differenter.


Baltimore? Who would care?
 
2012-12-25 01:23:15 PM  
My coffee died.
 
2012-12-25 01:33:13 PM  
Studies show that 1 out of every 1 person will die.
 
2012-12-25 01:53:36 PM  

simplicimus: Meatybrain: ... a grave plot.

A grave plot would be when the Masons and the Jews and Santa got together to blow up Baltimore.

You're thinking of a burial plot. Much differenter.

Baltimore? Who would care?


www.washingtoncitypaper.com
This guy.
 
2012-12-25 02:28:36 PM  
Wait, may or may not die? If there's a special roast that causes immortality, please let me know.
 
2012-12-25 02:35:02 PM  

cyberspacedout: Wait, may or may not die? If there's a special roast that causes immortality, please let me know.


A splash of this in your coffee and you're all set:

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-12-25 02:35:05 PM  
From TFA:

First the bad:
"As compared with persons who did not drink coffee, coffee drinkers were more likely to smoke cigarettes and consume more than three alcoholic drinks per day, and they consumed more red meat. Coffee drinkers also tended to have a lower level of education; were less likely to engage in vigorous physical activity; and reported lower levels of consumption of fruits, vegetables, and white meat. However, coffee drinkers, especially women who drank coffee, were less likely to report having diabetes."

Then the good:
"As compared with men who did not drink coffee, men who drank 6 or more cups of coffee per day had a 10% lower risk of death, whereas women in this category of consumption had a 15% lower risk. Similar associations were observed whether participants drank predominantly caffeinated or decaffeinated coffee."
 
2012-12-25 02:40:49 PM  
If I drink coffee, I may or may not die.

But if I don't drink coffee, I will kill.
 
2012-12-25 02:57:32 PM  
You'll die if you try to drink it too fast. But that's true of all beverages.
 
2012-12-25 03:15:04 PM  
If you drink coffee, you will die. If you don't drink coffee, you will die. What I'm trying to say is, you'll die.
 
2012-12-25 03:30:47 PM  

St_Francis_P: cyberspacedout: Wait, may or may not die? If there's a special roast that causes immortality, please let me know.

A splash of this in your coffee and you're all set:

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 800x600]


And what is trioxin 245? IIRC, they didn't go over it in my highschool chemistry class long ago. I know of dioxin, and trioxin doesn't sound all that tasty.
 
2012-12-25 03:48:35 PM  

cyberspacedout: St_Francis_P: cyberspacedout: Wait, may or may not die? If there's a special roast that causes immortality, please let me know.

A splash of this in your coffee and you're all set:

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 800x600]

And what is trioxin 245? IIRC, they didn't go over it in my highschool chemistry class long ago. I know of dioxin, and trioxin doesn't sound all that tasty.


Fictitious, in this case: http://zombie.wikia.com/wiki/Trioxin
 
2012-12-25 04:08:23 PM  
To hell with a grave plot, Sign up on a body donor program in your local teaching hospital and let them clean up the remains.

/Yearly service for all donors on Memorial Day
//No having relatives peeing in inappropriate places....
///No paying for land you're not gonna enjoy
 
2012-12-25 04:37:11 PM  
I'm coming Elizabeth!!
 
2012-12-25 04:58:28 PM  
lh6.googleusercontent.com
 
2012-12-25 09:21:53 PM  
I knew it was all down hill when I seen the sign at star bucks warning of the cancer risks from drinking coffiee. I do live it California and they have signs on the freeway warning to not breath some days soo......
 
2012-12-25 09:50:06 PM  

cyberspacedout: St_Francis_P: cyberspacedout: Wait, may or may not die? If there's a special roast that causes immortality, please let me know.

A splash of this in your coffee and you're all set:

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 800x600]

And what is trioxin 245? IIRC, they didn't go over it in my highschool chemistry class long ago. I know of dioxin, and trioxin doesn't sound all that tasty.


If it wasn't for zinc oxide, you wouldn't have that can of trioxin 245.
 
2012-12-26 12:28:11 AM  

St_Francis_P: cyberspacedout: St_Francis_P: cyberspacedout: Wait, may or may not die? If there's a special roast that causes immortality, please let me know.

A splash of this in your coffee and you're all set:

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 800x600]

And what is trioxin 245? IIRC, they didn't go over it in my highschool chemistry class long ago. I know of dioxin, and trioxin doesn't sound all that tasty.

Fictitious, in this case: http://zombie.wikia.com/wiki/Trioxin


Ah, so you mean the living dead. That's not exactly immortal, is it?
 
2012-12-26 01:44:54 AM  
If you are alive today, it is a given that sometime in the future you will die. Go ahead, have that coffee. Might as well live while you're alive.
 
2012-12-26 05:39:54 AM  
You just gotta embrace moderation.

No more than 1,250 cups per day. It's just common sense.
 
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