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(Washington Post)   Google and Microsoft trackers are showing different locations for Santa. This can only mean one thing: The jolly old elf is using multiple drone decoys   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 86
    More: Silly, Google, Microsoft  
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2953 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Dec 2012 at 9:53 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-24 09:56:46 PM
To Santa
 
2012-12-24 09:57:05 PM
Given that this is the stupidest fight ever, yes, yes he probably is.
 
2012-12-24 09:57:47 PM
As if explaining mall santas to the kids wasn't hard enough, now I have to come up with some bullshiat about why Santa's being shown in two different places?

fark it. 2012, it's time to tell the kids that Santa ain't real. I give up.
 
2012-12-24 10:00:15 PM
I am actually having fun with the Google Santa Tracker. For a brief, fleeting moment, it makes me feel like a kid again. "HEE! HE'S ALMOST HERE! ...wait a minute"

/wrapping up toys at this moment with Santa decorated gift wrap
 
2012-12-24 10:01:00 PM
The fact that there are competing Santa trackers just shows you how much a of a joyless bunch of ass-farking capitalists these farking halfwits are.
 
2012-12-24 10:01:30 PM
Multiple warheads for multiple targets......

/something just flashed down my chim
 
2012-12-24 10:02:41 PM

starsrift: As if explaining mall santas to the kids wasn't hard enough, now I have to come up with some bullshiat about why Santa's being shown in two different places?

fark it. 2012, it's time to tell the kids that Santa ain't real. I give up.


Actually read the article. It is brilliant at giving reasons for the disparity, the later paragraphs of page 1 are gold.
 
2012-12-24 10:03:27 PM
I don't see an article on my screen, just lots and lots of promos for other articles.

How long's it take to load up?

/on cable, could be faster
//maybe santa's P.R. censored it.
 
2012-12-24 10:04:02 PM

starsrift: As if explaining mall santas to the kids wasn't hard enough, now I have to come up with some bullshiat about why Santa's being shown in two different places?

fark it. 2012, it's time to tell the kids that Santa ain't real. I give up.


What's so hard about telling them, "It's Elf Magic and since I never studied it, I don't have the foggiest."

Just use a smidge of your imagination, it's not that hard. And in a few years you won't have to worry about making up stuff at all because they'll be teenagers and won't listen to you, in the first place.
 
2012-12-24 10:04:18 PM
The man is an actual Saint. Special dispensation from the Creator him/herself comes with the office. Both trackers are most likely accurate. That's all we need to know.
 
2012-12-24 10:04:19 PM
Since he's probably traveling faster than light, I'd say there are multiple quantum states of Santa.

"Better get to bed, Timmy. If you observe Santa, your bicycle will change into a dollhouse!"
 
2012-12-24 10:05:15 PM
img705.imageshack.us
 
2012-12-24 10:06:41 PM
Santa now,
he like the wind.
You never know where Santa at.
He like the cong.

Yeah Santa Cong.
 
2012-12-24 10:07:10 PM

Fabric_Man: Since he's probably traveling faster than light, I'd say there are multiple quantum states of Santa.

"Better get to bed, Timmy. If you observe Santa, your bicycle will change into a dollhouse!"


Oh, I'm using this. Thanks!
 
2012-12-24 10:08:48 PM
Chaff and flares.
 
2012-12-24 10:11:44 PM
Yule 1225, stop buzzer
 
2012-12-24 10:13:44 PM
If it turns out there's more than one Santa, does this mean I'm polytheistic?
 
2012-12-24 10:13:59 PM
www.mymavra.com

Santa?
 
2012-12-24 10:14:21 PM

mekki: And in a few years you won't have to worry about making up stuff at all because they'll be teenagers and won't listen to you, in the first place.


I would listen to you either if you spent my childhood lying to me.
 
2012-12-24 10:14:32 PM

Fabric_Man: Since he's probably traveling faster than light, I'd say there are multiple quantum states of Santa.


No, Santa's a Time Lord.  How else can he travel the entire world in a day delivering presents?  His sled is his TARDIS that holds all the billions of presents, so he never has to refill at the North Pole.  He often is known for different "companions" like Befana or Krampus.  And just like the Doctor's regenerations, he appears to different people at different times with different faces, hence all the differing outfits and appearances in different cultures.  NORAD works with Torchwood, so they have the better tracker.
 
2012-12-24 10:14:57 PM
Apple maps has him somewhere near Neptune.
 
2012-12-24 10:19:46 PM

fusillade762: Apple maps has him somewhere near Neptune.


To map
 
2012-12-24 10:20:24 PM

nytmare: mekki: And in a few years you won't have to worry about making up stuff at all because they'll be teenagers and won't listen to you, in the first place.

I would listen to you either if you spent my childhood lying to me.


You would? Thank you.

Seriously, you obviously don't have children if you think telling them that Santa Claus is real is going to scar them for life. When a child comes up to you to play pretend and says, "I'm a knight!" Do you go, "No, you're not. There hasn't been Crusade like knights for centuries. Stop lying" or do you play along and continue the lie?
 
2012-12-24 10:20:33 PM
Meanwhile, Apple Maps has him passing Jupiter.
 
2012-12-24 10:22:07 PM
No, dumbmitter: It means SANTA IS A NINJA.

God, people are so stupid sometimes.
 
2012-12-24 10:22:11 PM
Santa is working with quantum physics and Heisenberg uncertainty principles.

/and yes, I expect a Walter White pic as a reply
 
2012-12-24 10:22:29 PM
It is odd that Microsoft would have a different result than Google. Doesn't Bing just copy Google's results and present them as their own?

/remember the honeypot trap Google left for Bing...
 
2012-12-24 10:22:42 PM

Twitch Boy: Meanwhile, Apple Maps has him passing Jupiter.


Out to Nibiru...
 
2012-12-24 10:22:57 PM
Norad's Santa is much nicer.
 
2012-12-24 10:24:24 PM
So, is this the "My parents told me Santa was real and now I'm a 25-35 year-old emotional cripple because of it and my parents are monsters" thread?

'Cause those are awesome.
 
2012-12-24 10:25:04 PM

mat catastrophe: The fact that there are competing Santa trackers just shows you how much a of a joyless bunch of ass-farking capitalists these farking halfwits are.


Next thing you know they'll be launching patent infringement claims at each other over their Santa Tracking technology.
 
2012-12-24 10:25:32 PM

Twitch Boy: Meanwhile, Apple Maps has him passing Jupiter.


Now Apple Maps is showing him at Uranus.
 
2012-12-24 10:26:08 PM
If he is using drone decoys, this can only mean one thing:

img23.imageshack.us
 
2012-12-24 10:26:31 PM
I was gonna say this

soaboutthat: Norad's Santa is much nicer.


but this is funnier

Duck_of_Doom: NORAD works with Torchwood, so they have the better tracker.

 
2012-12-24 10:27:13 PM
One is a decoy to draw enemy fire. The other delivers the goods.
 
2012-12-24 10:27:34 PM
To wonder
 
2012-12-24 10:27:54 PM
I would trust google's location as Santa forgot to decline on his Android phone...
 
2012-12-24 10:28:24 PM
Clone symbiotes.  I tell you, this whole Santa thing is a scam.  Wake up sheeple!
 
2012-12-24 10:29:34 PM
It's so cute and darling how much trouble we go through to violate children's trust.
 
2012-12-24 10:29:39 PM

OtherLittleGuy: Santa is working with quantum physics and Heisenberg uncertainty principles.

/and yes, I expect a Walter White pic as a reply


www.moviespad.com
 
2012-12-24 10:35:23 PM
It's sort of embarrassing we can't get a steady target lock on the farker. He shows up red on AMDWS.
 
2012-12-24 10:37:29 PM
Apple Maps last had him shot down over the Sea of Japan. He spun in. There were no survivors.
 
2012-12-24 10:43:12 PM
Just further proof that Bing ain't worth shiat.

/the fark is Kwanzaa?
 
2012-12-24 10:51:23 PM
The reason for the discrepancy is GOOGLE can't track an EPIRB. He hit some turbulence and had to bail.
 
2012-12-24 10:55:49 PM

NewportBarGuy: Apple Maps last had him shot down over the Sea of Japan. He spun in. There were no survivors.


I just dropped my dessert fork.
 
2012-12-24 10:55:53 PM
I remember watching the relevant episode of TNG. Santa must have been duplicated via transporter mishap and one of the Santa's goes his middle name instead.
 
2012-12-24 10:58:27 PM
^ goes by

3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-12-24 10:58:30 PM
Or, they're using the same GPS unit as the one in my brand-new Vaio that shows me as being in Chiba when I'm actually in Nagano.

//grumble
 
2012-12-24 10:59:05 PM

Mad_Radhu: If he is using drone decoys, this can only mean one thing:

[img23.imageshack.us image 800x450]


Santa wants to get in close underneath the air defenses to make sure all the presents reach their targets.
 
2012-12-24 11:03:30 PM
Two words: selective availability
 
2012-12-24 11:04:11 PM

Relatively Obscure: So, is this the "My parents told me Santa was real and now I'm a 25-35 year-old emotional cripple because of it and my parents are monsters" thread?

'Cause those are awesome.


I pretty much had it figured out when I was told. No scars here.
 
2012-12-24 11:05:29 PM
A second Santa has hit the other tower!
 
2012-12-24 11:06:00 PM

mat catastrophe: The fact that there are competing Santa trackers just shows you how much a of a joyless bunch of ass-farking capitalists these farking halfwits are.


www.lolwut.com
 
2012-12-24 11:06:10 PM

Buttbone McGillicutty: Captain Tightpants


Yes, have you found the NavSat trajectory?

Sir....we've found seven.

images1.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2012-12-24 11:07:53 PM
Streetlight, streetlight, streetlight, streetlight, slideshows, streetlight, streetlight, streetlight...
 
2012-12-24 11:09:50 PM

Twitch Boy: Meanwhile, Apple Maps has him passing Jupiter.


I thought Apple said Santa hit that N. Korean satellite and spun out.
 
2012-12-24 11:17:45 PM
Google said he skipped DC. I feel gypped.
 
2012-12-24 11:23:47 PM
http://pgobeil.com/images/santa-jet.jpg
 
2012-12-24 11:23:57 PM
Mal: Cry, baby cry.

Wash: Make your mother sigh.
 
2012-12-24 11:28:16 PM
27.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-12-24 11:30:42 PM
Apple maps now showing Santa's location somewhere in a 5th dimension.
 
2012-12-24 11:32:08 PM

NewportBarGuy: Apple Maps last had him shot down over the Sea of Japan. He spun in. There were no survivors.


Coincidentally, Santa's stint in Korea tonight took significantly longer than the actual Korean War.
 
2012-12-25 12:01:56 AM

Fabric_Man: Since he's probably traveling faster than light, I'd say there are multiple quantum states of Santa.

"Better get to bed, Timmy. If you observe Santa, your bicycle will change into a dollhouse!"


Brilliant.
 
2012-12-25 12:01:59 AM
Merry Christmas you nerds.
:)
 
2012-12-25 12:03:44 AM

commatose: NewportBarGuy: Apple Maps last had him shot down over the Sea of Japan. He spun in. There were no survivors.

Coincidentally, Santa's stint in Korea tonight took significantly longer than the actual Korean War.


We weren't in the mood to make it easy for him.
 
2012-12-25 12:05:53 AM
Screw em both, let the pros handle it-NORAD's Santa Tracker is exceptionally good this year.

/I just looked at Google's, it says he hit Indianapolis and then doubled back a time zone. The hell, guys.
 
2012-12-25 12:06:01 AM

Mad_Radhu: If he is using drone decoys, this can only mean one thing:

[img23.imageshack.us image 800x450]


3,2,1... JUMP!

/Santa flies a Raptor
//Merry Christmas to all
///and to all a good night
 
2012-12-25 12:07:01 AM

C18H27NO3: Apple maps now showing Santa's location somewhere in a 5th dimension.


He's been ionized, but he's okay now
 
2012-12-25 12:10:23 AM
I love how both sides are throwing technobullshiat at each other, it's glorious.
 
2012-12-25 12:15:46 AM
oh I was a bit slow to catch on, that Microsoft is running NORAD's, they are one and the same.

...

that actually scares me a bit.
 
2012-12-25 12:18:27 AM
Mommy! Santa's inside the perimeter!
 
2012-12-25 12:20:26 AM

jshine: mat catastrophe: The fact that there are competing Santa trackers just shows you how much a of a joyless bunch of ass-farking capitalists these farking halfwits are.

[www.lolwut.com image 266x297]


I'M ON A ROLL, OK?

The Evil That Lies In The Hearts Of Men: mat catastrophe: The fact that there are competing Santa trackers just shows you how much a of a joyless bunch of ass-farking capitalists these farking halfwits are.

Next thing you know they'll be launching patent infringement claims at each other over their Santa Tracking technology.


Ugh.
 
2012-12-25 12:33:29 AM
I thought Santa was using simulcast.
 
2012-12-25 12:56:07 AM

Ishidan: oh I was a bit slow to catch on, that Microsoft is running NORAD's, they are one and the same.

...

that actually scares me a bit.


Why, you don't like the idea that NORAD runs windows? Then you'll really be freaked out to learn that most nuclear missile targeting computers run Windows Embedded
 
2012-12-25 01:11:21 AM
The switch to Bing involved payment of some sort by Microsoft to the DoD. For their sake I hope they didn't get paid in Win8 licenses.
 
2012-12-25 01:17:42 AM
Looked for the Bing one (didn't look hard, but didn't see any stand-out link for it) so I can't compare how it rated to Googles really craptastic one.
Still, seems like it was much more hype than any of the hype was worth.
Kinda like the movie(sub your favorite crappy movie you saw this year) Battleship. I would have rather have watched 2hrs of the commercial promos than the actual movie. They were much more exciting.
 
2012-12-25 02:10:00 AM
I'd like to point out that there are many countries where the gifts are brought by imaginary beings other than Santa Claus, most commonly the little magical baby Jesus. And there are a few countries where Santa has his own day (6th of December) to bring the kids some gifts. For example, Hungarian kids receive gifts on December 6 from Santa Claus AND on December 24 from baby Jesus.

My points is that they should had done a little research before plotting Santa's location all over the world.

List of Christmas gift-bringers by country
 
2012-12-25 02:14:38 AM

mat catastrophe: The fact that there are competing Santa trackers just shows you how much a of a joyless bunch of ass-farking capitalists these farking halfwits are.



Well Google is at least.

FTFA:
NORAD, the North American Aerospace Defense Command, has tracked Santa since 1955, when a misprinted ad gave a number for Santa Claus that instead rang the command's red phone, more typically used for national security crises. A fast-thinking Air Force colonel began offering updates on Santa's progress whenever children called the number.

NORAD has always tracked Santa. Google should have either climbed on board and co-sponsored with Microsoft or stayed the fark out.
 
2012-12-25 02:59:10 AM

FerroMancer: Buttbone McGillicutty: Captain Tightpants

Yes, have you found the NavSat trajectory?

Sir....we've found seven.

[images1.wikia.nocookie.net image 697x392]


That movie's on Siffy in about two minutes.
 
2012-12-25 03:02:39 AM
When the kids start doubting Santa's existance, it's time to end the charade and move on. It's a great story up to the time they go to school and network with their new friends. It's then time to get your relationship with your children adapted to the new influences, or you're gonna be firmly in the 'untrusted' group.

/grandpappy
// I had to have this talk with my daughter recently
 
2012-12-25 03:13:27 AM
At least it's better than in 1983 when Santa was picked up as a missile on a Soviet early warning system and very nearly started a full blown nuclear war. Now the worst we have to worry about is (insert Apple maps joke here)
 
2012-12-25 05:07:23 AM
It's also possible that he went out to make a few stops in the area where Google shows him, went back to the reality in which the North Pole exists, got another load, then re-entered our reality at the location where Yahoo is showing him but at the same point in our time.
 
2012-12-25 05:16:45 AM
New Alert: Human energy has been devoted to tracking the fictional flight path of a fictional being.

Meanwhile, in Rwanda...

Luckily my sympathy for humanity's future ran out long ago.
 
2012-12-25 11:01:10 AM
ABC 7 Chicago was showing off their SantaScan 7000 last night. "...satellite-based cameras that can track santa in real time." The camera POV was from the ground. Bah humbug.
 
2012-12-25 05:03:40 PM

NephilimNexus: New Alert: Human energy has been devoted to tracking the fictional flight path of a fictional being.

Meanwhile, in Rwanda...

Luckily my sympathy for humanity's future ran out long ago.


Tracking the fictional flight path of a fictional being is a better use of humanity than war, enslavement, and causing misery.  More people should do it.

The nice thing about holidays is this: it lets people shelve their inner bastard for one day.  They can have fun, make people smile, without losing their snark cred.  I pity those who cannot ever free themselves from that shackle, not this day or others.

/I pity much of the world
 
2012-12-26 07:02:53 PM

jshine: mat catastrophe: The fact that there are competing Santa trackers just shows you how much a of a joyless bunch of ass-farking capitalists these farking halfwits are.

[www.lolwut.com image 266x297]


Finally.
 
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