If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Wonkette)   The Daily Caller is now reviewing cigarettes, furthering the hypothesis that Conservatives really do want to turn the clock back to 1950   (touch.wonkette.com) divider line 81
    More: Stupid  
•       •       •

3387 clicks; posted to Politics » on 24 Dec 2012 at 6:26 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



81 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-12-24 04:17:02 PM
Tucker Carlson smokes Marlboro Reds.  I wonder how much influence he had on this piece.

The author is just another run of the mill right wing agitprop tool who tried to smear the Occupy Movement.

*yawn*
 
2012-12-24 04:18:45 PM
LOL, this is hilarious.

Densely concentrated at its tip, the Marlboro requires a concerted initial pull from the chest. The taste hits the back of the mouth first, tinny and pointed, a quick alert that the experience is underway. The smoke comes in fast and runs fast for the throat, forcing the participant to hold in for a moment's reflection.

Only at this point does the smoker appreciate the full thickness of the product he has just inhaled. He enjoys the unexpected pleasure of being able to control it, maneuver it for a few split seconds so as to cover selected points at the top of the chest. This moment is most satisfactory, providing a warmth and respiratory presence so lacking from other cigarettes.

The exhale, too, is thick, requiring work from the mouth, shaping the lips into a crude circle as the ingredients are let go unfashionably into the air. The taste lingers at the roof of the mouth, identical to the initial taste, for a few seconds. Though creating a noticeable dryness in the region with repeated efforts, this effect necessitates a second inhalation to alleviate it.

Reports of a substantial "buzz" from the Marlboro are misleading, often emanating from the feminized reaches of modern cigarette appreciation.

Ask the young people of modern America about this brand (known to them, in alarmist terms, as a Marlboro "red") and they'll either wince at its gratuitous potency or smirk about its macho reputation.

"Delicious and very strong, they make me feel like a total badass whenever I smoke them. The packaging is highly classic and very cool," said a critic on cigreviews.com.

These postmodern critics are responding to the Warhol painting, and not the soup can.

This is a thick and thorough brand, to be sure, but very pedestrian in its goals.

Its combination of pre-taste, post-taste, speed, thickness, and chestal warmth provides sufficiency across five different categories. Similar brands may provide one or two of these pleasures, but few brands can hit a "B+" level at every stage of the smoking experience.

Marlboro's allure, then, is in its manufactured completeness. The smoker knows what to expect with every drag, and with every drag his expectations are met. To deny the effectiveness of the Marlboro, even for the most refined cigarette aficionados among us, is to deny the mechanics and benefits of smoking.

The Daily Caller Grades The Marlboro Regular: B+
 
2012-12-24 04:23:13 PM

violentsalvation: LOL, this is hilarious.


I've seen less effort put into serious wine reviews.  I wonder how much they got paid by Philip Morris.
 
2012-12-24 04:37:38 PM
1950? what was the highest marginal tax rate in 1950? i think not. these guys want to party like it's 1899!
 
2012-12-24 04:48:44 PM
That's the most homoerotic review of anything I've ever read and I've read books about Hollywood gigolos.
 
2012-12-24 05:21:30 PM

BSABSVR: That's the most homoerotic review of anything I've ever read and I've read books about Hollywood gigolos.


Sometimes a cigarette is just a cigarette.

Of course, sometimes it's a symbolic penis used to sublimate deep-seated homosexual urges in repressed conservatives.

/nttawwt
 
2012-12-24 06:33:08 PM
forgottenhistoryblog.com
 
2012-12-24 06:34:04 PM
As a guest lecturer at the Rick Romero Institute I would like to point out that industries often fund reviews for their products
 
2012-12-24 06:36:22 PM

FlashHarry: 1950? what was the highest marginal tax rate in 1950? i think not. these guys want to party like it's 1899!


images-mediawiki-sites.thefullwiki.org

Amateurs
 
2012-12-24 06:38:39 PM
Marbs are gross. Spirits or turkish Camels.
 
2012-12-24 06:40:37 PM
It makes me laugh that all the Marlboro 'Special Blends' taste like a Winston or a Camel.

Currently doing the LM's, and make mine full flavor, short.
 
2012-12-24 06:42:50 PM

Tremolo: Marbs are gross. Spirits or turkish Camels.


Oooh aren't you fancy. And by that I mean American Spirits are a good 2$ more expensive than every other pack where I live and I don't feel that the price is justified.

/Buys natives on the reservation for 30$ a carton
 
2012-12-24 06:46:44 PM
How the fark do you manage to fill up a cigarette review with right-wing agitprop? This is farking ridiculous, when I have a glass of whisky or a clove my first thought is not whether my choice of brand is sufficiently politically correct. Apparently, for these jackasses it is.
 
2012-12-24 06:47:51 PM
I wouldn't mind going back to 1950.

/tell them to give up on the Vietnam war and dump everything into the space program.
/the communist wave may take over Europe but FARK them. We're moving America to mars.
 
2012-12-24 06:53:14 PM
Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette pole!
 
2012-12-24 07:03:52 PM
chick-fil-a is the body of republican Jesus, and Marlboro is his blood
 
2012-12-24 07:11:50 PM

A Dark Evil Omen: How the fark do you manage to fill up a cigarette review with right-wing agitprop? This is farking ridiculous, when I have a glass of whisky or a clove my first thought is not whether my choice of brand is sufficiently politically correct. Apparently, for these jackasses it is.




I just had a glass of stoli on ice. At first, it was sweet, like liberal tears, then it had a bit of a bite like Michael Moore's taint sweat. Ultimately it left me with a satisfying buzz, like eating bacon in front of Michelle Obama.
 
2012-12-24 07:14:01 PM
Why does the link go to Wonkette's main page instead of TFA?
 
2012-12-24 07:18:16 PM
Since Wonkette brought up That '70s Show, did everybody see that Laura Prepon was topless in Lay the Favorite? I just thought it was important to mention that.
 
2012-12-24 07:23:25 PM

tolallorti: Tremolo: Marbs are gross. Spirits or turkish Camels.

Oooh aren't you fancy. And by that I mean American Spirits are a good 2$ more expensive than every other pack where I live and I don't feel that the price is justified.

/Buys natives on the reservation for 30$ a carton


How many squaws per carton?
 
2012-12-24 07:33:10 PM
American Spirits are the only brand in my universe
 
2012-12-24 07:34:55 PM
I remember a couple years back when they sent marigold and basil seeds along with their awesome coupins
 
2012-12-24 07:36:37 PM
I don't smoke, but I enjoyed filtered Lucky Strikes in Morocco. I think you can buy them in Europe. My smoker brother was mad that I only brought him back 2 cartons because he thought they were much more delicious than Marlboro Reds.
 
2012-12-24 07:36:48 PM
The exhale, too, is thick, requiring work from the mouth, shaping the lips into a crude circle as the ingredients are let go unfashionably into the air. The taste lingers at the roof of the mouth, identical to the initial taste, for a few seconds. Though creating a noticeable dryness in the region with repeated efforts, this effect necessitates a second inhalation to alleviate it.

Translation: "Our product is farking addictive, and if you cease using it you will be uncomfortable, which is definitely a good thing."

Marlboro's allure, then, is in its manufactured completeness. The smoker knows what to expect with every drag, and with every drag his expectations are met. To deny the effectiveness of the Marlboro, even for the most refined cigarette aficionados among us, is to deny the mechanics and benefits of smoking.

Such as? Heart disease? Cancer? Emphysema? Your breath, hair, clothing, car, home, etc. smelling like ass? Increased health care needs? Increased health insurance premiums? Lost productivity at work when you go out to have a cig break (which yes, your boss and coworkers take note of)? What benefits exactly are we speaking of?
 
2012-12-24 07:42:29 PM

Don't Troll Me Bro!: Such as? Heart disease? Cancer? Emphysema? Your breath, hair, clothing, car, home, etc. smelling like ass? Increased health care needs? Increased health insurance premiums? Lost productivity at work when you go out to have a cig break (which yes, your boss and coworkers take note of)? What benefits exactly are we speaking of?


It's hard to explain, it's for a certain type of person whom I'm sure you loathe. I would be the first to admit that it smells like ass and gives you cancer etc. But I like to be outside and alone pretty much all the time, and it gives me an excuse. There are myriad other benefits that appeal to individuals like myself. Perhaps not you.

And I just don't care about the people who would biatch about my smoke breaks. It is generally the same who spend at least a couple hours a day gossiping or, worse, coming in to my space to waste my own time.
 
2012-12-24 07:46:44 PM

FlashHarry: 1950? what was the highest marginal tax rate in 1950? i think not. these guys want to party like it's 1899!


farm3.staticflickr.com

In 1899 the 0.01% smoked Cuban cigars and thought cigarette paper caused cancer. Tho they might have been right about the paper.
 
2012-12-24 07:47:31 PM
Marboro's were for sissies. real men smoked Lucky Strikes or Camels, wore blue jeans,t shirts and engineer boots.
 
2012-12-24 07:47:49 PM
I was under the impression that everyone (including smokers) agreed that cigarettes are disgusting and horrible and that people only use them because they're the most easily obtainable delivery vehicle for the drug the user is addicted to.

Sort of like beer.
 
2012-12-24 07:51:51 PM

dookdookdook: I was under the impression that everyone (including smokers) agreed that cigarettes are disgusting and horrible and that people only use them because they're the most easily obtainable delivery vehicle for the drug the user is addicted to.

Sort of like beer.


I would agree with the disgusting, not the horrible
 
2012-12-24 07:53:59 PM

Salt Lick Steady: Don't Troll Me Bro!: Such as? Heart disease? Cancer? Emphysema? Your breath, hair, clothing, car, home, etc. smelling like ass? Increased health care needs? Increased health insurance premiums? Lost productivity at work when you go out to have a cig break (which yes, your boss and coworkers take note of)? What benefits exactly are we speaking of?

It's hard to explain, it's for a certain type of person whom I'm sure you loathe. I would be the first to admit that it smells like ass and gives you cancer etc. But I like to be outside and alone pretty much all the time, and it gives me an excuse. There are myriad other benefits that appeal to individuals like myself. Perhaps not you.

And I just don't care about the people who would biatch about my smoke breaks. It is generally the same who spend at least a couple hours a day gossiping or, worse, coming in to my space to waste my own time.


this so much! smoking is a stupid thing to start doing but it has gotten me away from many dreadful conversations. i will probably get lung cancer but at least i'm not as socially anxious at parties and bars.
 
2012-12-24 07:56:15 PM

A Dark Evil Omen: How the fark do you manage to fill up a cigarette review with right-wing agitprop? This is farking ridiculous, when I have a glass of whisky or a clove my first thought is not whether my choice of brand is sufficiently politically correct. Apparently, for these jackasses it is.


Some people feel the need to inject politics into everything and look at every single action or word to be a statement related to politics. I remember an article about "The 10 most conservative movies ever." It had some John Wayne thinly-veiled homo-erotica about gay cowboys eating pudding, some Boiler Room fark you I got mine and it don't matter how much damage I did to society in the process, some Batman I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and just you never-mind that I was born into a family that is so obscenely wealthy the Koch brothers would be jealous, and of course some Wall Street holy shiat we want to suck Michael Douglas' dick because he's such a genius business guy and that little shiat Charlie Sheen must've been compromised by commies looking to take down Murika cuz he got all soft and 'fessed up to the horrible crimes they committed awesome ideas they flawlessly executed within the constructs of the free market (praise be unto it) so fark him.
 
2012-12-24 08:11:45 PM
Its combination of pre-taste, post-taste, speed, thickness, and chestal warmth provides sufficiency across five different categories. Similar brands may provide one or two of these pleasures, but few brands can hit a "B+" level at every stage of the smoking experience.

Just like my penis. Just like it.

/course, you've got to take it out to get the warmth on your chest
 
2012-12-24 08:23:52 PM
Written like a man who never had Commander.
 
2012-12-24 08:26:05 PM
So?
 
2012-12-24 08:26:12 PM
Pffft pre-made cigarettes. We buy tubes and pipe tobacco in this house and we like it.
 
2012-12-24 08:26:33 PM
Tobacco and politics have a long, rich, satisfying history together. It's a mainstay American crop, contains an addictive drug, and causes cancer in smokers and those around the smoke for too long. There's a lot of things to love and hate about the plant. Same as poppy, cannabis and coca, its history is the history of people getting high, rich and dead.
 
2012-12-24 08:28:57 PM

Don't Troll Me Bro!: Such as? Heart disease? Cancer? Emphysema? Your breath, hair, clothing, car, home, etc. smelling like ass? Increased health care needs? Increased health insurance premiums? Lost productivity at work when you go out to have a cig break (which yes, your boss and coworkers take note of)? What benefits exactly are we speaking of?


I've never seen anyone take any more breaks than I usually get to smoke. That is, when the shift break-time comes, you see a quarter of the shift running for the outside exit. And they're all back ready to work when break's over. What productivity is lost in that sector? I mean, if you're gonna say that, you'll have to say that I also forfeit productivity when I use that same time to go to the bathroom.
 
2012-12-24 08:29:00 PM

A Terrible Human: Pffft pre-made cigarettes. We buy tubes and pipe tobacco in this house and we like it.


I think you have some monkey grass on this part of your lawn. This part right here.
 
2012-12-24 08:38:53 PM

mark.jms: Its combination of pre-taste, post-taste, speed, thickness, and chestal warmth provides sufficiency across five different categories. Similar brands may provide one or two of these pleasures, but few brands can hit a "B+" level at every stage of the smoking experience.

Just like my penis. Just like it.

/course, you've got to take it out to get the warmth on your chest


not necessarily
 
2012-12-24 08:55:21 PM

IlGreven: I also forfeit productivity when I use that same time to go to the bathroom


Unless you're taking calls on your cell phone, or working on your tablet, or work in an unusual industry, you're not producing anything for the company in there.

There are businesses that limit bathroom breaks severely. Insert pro- or anti- union rant accordingly.
 
2012-12-24 08:56:44 PM

kinshane: I don't smoke, but I enjoyed filtered Lucky Strikes in Morocco. I think you can buy them in Europe. My smoker brother was mad that I only brought him back 2 cartons because he thought they were much more delicious than Marlboro Reds.


Tell him to try American Spirit's "Piroque" blend, it's the black packs.

And if he wants even better tasting tobacco convince him to start hand rolling Spirit tobacco, but make sure he buys it from a shop that keeps it in a humidifier.
 
2012-12-24 09:01:36 PM
www.vincegolangco.com
The original Marlboro Man isn't available to write a review..
 
2012-12-24 09:10:33 PM
Smoking was the only reason in a big corporation that upper management might have a daily chat and - shock horror - be actual friends with the cleaning staff. The smoking shelter/room/bench is the great social leveler of our time.

I blame the widening social rift between different class levels on the decline in smoking.
 
2012-12-24 09:21:54 PM
Analog cigarettes. How quaint.

vapeporn.com
 
2012-12-24 09:32:22 PM

dookdookdook: I was under the impression that everyone (including smokers) agreed that cigarettes are disgusting and horrible and that people only use them because they're the most easily obtainable delivery vehicle for the drug the user is addicted to.

Sort of like beer.


I smoked for 15 years. Tried everything to quit, chantix, hypnotism, the patch. The best thing that worked for me (before now) was simply taking a week off work with a bag of ganja and working my way through the withdrawl. That lasted 18 months before I was lured back in, and it was the smell that did it. I'm not talking about the nasty, stale stench that attaches itself to everything. It's the smell that rolls off the tip of that burning ember... That's where the devil lives.

I advise people to try e-cigarettes. The Atmos 510 optimus is $80, cartridges are $10 each and last a around 2 weeks. For heavy smokers, 2.4% down to 1.8% nicotine should work; $8 a week for that. I save about $200 a month, I breathe better, and I don't stink. It took about 2 days to switch, and I've not looked back. 21st century delivery method!
 
2012-12-24 09:40:59 PM
I like my cigarettes without any tobacco and with some afghan kush.
 
2012-12-24 09:41:41 PM

IntertubeUser: Analog cigarettes. How quaint.

[vapeporn.com image 800x600]


smug e-cig users.

How annoying - almost as bad as anti-smokers
 
2012-12-24 09:43:21 PM

DougTaupe: dookdookdook: I was under the impression that everyone (including smokers) agreed that cigarettes are disgusting and horrible and that people only use them because they're the most easily obtainable delivery vehicle for the drug the user is addicted to.

Sort of like beer.

I smoked for 15 years. Tried everything to quit, chantix, hypnotism, the patch. The best thing that worked for me (before now) was simply taking a week off work with a bag of ganja and working my way through the withdrawl. That lasted 18 months before I was lured back in, and it was the smell that did it. I'm not talking about the nasty, stale stench that attaches itself to everything. It's the smell that rolls off the tip of that burning ember... That's where the devil lives.

I advise people to try e-cigarettes. The Atmos 510 optimus is $80, cartridges are $10 each and last a around 2 weeks. For heavy smokers, 2.4% down to 1.8% nicotine should work; $8 a week for that. I save about $200 a month, I breathe better, and I don't stink. It took about 2 days to switch, and I've not looked back. 21st century delivery method!


I found the Nicorette Mini Lozenges to be magical. I quit easily when I want to, go back for a little bit, quit again. Probably going to do it for good after new years but I think they are an excellent way to manage the physical cravings while you forget your habits.
After a few days you'll find yourself craving a lozenge instead of a cigarette and since those aren't quite as sweet and delicious as cigarettes, they're much easier to give up.
YMMV of course but I was a pretty heavy regular smoker who thought I'd never be able to quit. Granted I haven't quit for good yet but falling off the wagon is much more of a conscious decision than a moment of weakness sort of thing these days.
 
2012-12-24 09:44:54 PM

skullkrusher: DougTaupe: dookdookdook: I was under the impression that everyone (including smokers) agreed that cigarettes are disgusting and horrible and that people only use them because they're the most easily obtainable delivery vehicle for the drug the user is addicted to.

Sort of like beer.

I smoked for 15 years. Tried everything to quit, chantix, hypnotism, the patch. The best thing that worked for me (before now) was simply taking a week off work with a bag of ganja and working my way through the withdrawl. That lasted 18 months before I was lured back in, and it was the smell that did it. I'm not talking about the nasty, stale stench that attaches itself to everything. It's the smell that rolls off the tip of that burning ember... That's where the devil lives.

I advise people to try e-cigarettes. The Atmos 510 optimus is $80, cartridges are $10 each and last a around 2 weeks. For heavy smokers, 2.4% down to 1.8% nicotine should work; $8 a week for that. I save about $200 a month, I breathe better, and I don't stink. It took about 2 days to switch, and I've not looked back. 21st century delivery method!

I found the Nicorette Mini Lozenges to be magical. I quit easily when I want to, go back for a little bit, quit again. Probably going to do it for good after new years but I think they are an excellent way to manage the physical cravings while you forget your habits.
After a few days you'll find yourself craving a lozenge instead of a cigarette and since those aren't quite as sweet and delicious as cigarettes, they're much easier to give up.
YMMV of course but I was a pretty heavy regular smoker who thought I'd never be able to quit. Granted I haven't quit for good yet but falling off the wagon is much more of a conscious decision than a moment of weakness sort of thing these days.


to add, I use the 2mg versions instead of the 4mg. I was a 3/4 a pack a day smoker for a long time
 
2012-12-24 09:55:42 PM

violentsalvation: LOL, this is hilarious.

Densely concentrated at its tip, the Marlboro requires a concerted initial pull from the chest. The taste hits the back of the mouth first, tinny and pointed, a quick alert that the experience is underway. The smoke comes in fast and runs fast for the throat, forcing the participant to hold in for a moment's reflection.

Only at this point does the smoker appreciate the full thickness of the product he has just inhaled. He enjoys the unexpected pleasure of being able to control it, maneuver it for a few split seconds so as to cover selected points at the top of the chest. This moment is most satisfactory, providing a warmth and respiratory presence so lacking from other cigarettes.

The exhale, too, is thick, requiring work from the mouth, shaping the lips into a crude circle as the ingredients are let go unfashionably into the air. The taste lingers at the roof of the mouth, identical to the initial taste, for a few seconds. Though creating a noticeable dryness in the region with repeated efforts, this effect necessitates a second inhalation to alleviate it.

Reports of a substantial "buzz" from the Marlboro are misleading, often emanating from the feminized reaches of modern cigarette appreciation.

Ask the young people of modern America about this brand (known to them, in alarmist terms, as a Marlboro "red") and they'll either wince at its gratuitous potency or smirk about its macho reputation.

"Delicious and very strong, they make me feel like a total badass whenever I smoke them. The packaging is highly classic and very cool," said a critic on cigreviews.com.

These postmodern critics are responding to the Warhol painting, and not the soup can.

This is a thick and thorough brand, to be sure, but very pedestrian in its goals.

Its combination of pre-taste, post-taste, speed, thickness, and chestal warmth provides sufficiency across five different categories. Similar brands may provide one or two of these pleasures, but few brands can h ...


I'm trying to quit smoking right now, for a while anyway - I'm supposed to be tobacco-free for at least three months so I can donate a kidney to my father - and reading this made me want a Marlboro really, really bad.
 
Displayed 50 of 81 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report