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(Complex)   How to get drunk with your parents   (complex.com ) divider line
    More: PSA, Grandma's, nuclear family  
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12079 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Dec 2012 at 1:58 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



66 Comments   (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2012-12-23 01:59:42 PM  
drinking with parents is for people too gay to get stoned on their own time
 
2012-12-23 02:00:07 PM  
Step 1: Drink alcohol at the same time as, and in the general vicinity of your parent(s).
Step 2: Repeat step 1.
 
2012-12-23 02:03:54 PM  
(Complex) How to get drunk withbecause of your parents (complex.com) 2
More: PSA, Grandma's, nuclkeayour family
 
2012-12-23 02:03:54 PM  
I don't drink, but if I did my parents would make this very easy for me.
/which is partially why I don't drink
 
2012-12-23 02:05:26 PM  
The article seems to be lacking details in how to drink your parents if they're abusive, mean and alcoholic. Could have used those details a few years ago before I left home.
 
2012-12-23 02:06:07 PM  
I get the idea the reason subby posted this is he thinks he might get lucky with his mom.
 
2012-12-23 02:08:44 PM  

Prey4reign: I get the idea the reason subby posted this is he thinks he might get lucky with his mom.


Wait until she pees herself, then you don't have to waste a whole bag of flour.
 
2012-12-23 02:15:46 PM  
Subby might be better off with said younger sister.
 
2012-12-23 02:18:05 PM  
for me it would be :

-cement saw
-shovel
-good lawyer
 
2012-12-23 02:19:14 PM  
I took a trip
A trip with my dad
I packed the lunches
He scored the tabs


/obscure?
 
2012-12-23 02:19:30 PM  

Haliburton Cummings: for me it would be :

-cement saw
-shovel
-good lawyer


Just don't hit a sewer pipe. Because then you have to call a contractor, and those people are witnesses.
 
2012-12-23 02:22:06 PM  

The Bunyip: I took a trip
A trip with my dad
I packed the lunches
He scored the tabs

/obscure?


not

at all
 
2012-12-23 02:22:17 PM  

Jon iz teh kewl: drinking with parents is for people too gay to get stoned on their own time


The gayest people I know get stoned on their own time... and much of the rest of time as well.
 
2012-12-23 02:23:22 PM  
True story: I nearly ended up driving my parents home from the restaurant on my 21st birthday due to the influence of too many margaritas.

/Cool story, sis.
//The TFA is right, never get drunker than your parents.
 
2012-12-23 02:23:23 PM  
FTFA: No matter how crazy your parents may be, they raised another human being from infancy, and that child is still willing to come home for the holidays. This puts them in the top 30 percent of humanity.

Raising a child does not necessarily make you a good person whether or not they're willing to come home for the holidays. It's this kind of mentality that leads a lot of obliviously selfish people to have children for selfish reasons, which makes them bad people and almost never works out well for their children.

/At least I'm not bitter
 
2012-12-23 02:26:19 PM  
Neither one of mine can take more than a drink or two without becoming ill. Miracle of genetics considering their DNA.
 
2012-12-23 02:28:22 PM  

vudukungfu: Haliburton Cummings: for me it would be :

-cement saw
-shovel
-good lawyer

Just don't hit a sewer pipe. Because then you have to call a contractor, and those people are witnesses.


He hit the sewer pipe, that's why he has a "good lawyer."
 
2012-12-23 02:32:45 PM  
My parents' idea of "cutting loose" is a bottle of St. Julian sparkling white grape juice once a year.

So when I visit for Christmas, what works for me is a flask of Wild Turkey stuffed into my boot so I can take a pull whenever I hit the bathroom.
 
2012-12-23 02:39:37 PM  
My dad is a merry drunk. My mom is a mean drunk. I don't drink with Mom. I indulge with my dad and his kick ass whiskey sours from time to time.
 
2012-12-23 02:47:31 PM  

FunkOut: Neither one of mine can take more than a drink or two without becoming ill. Miracle of genetics considering their DNA.


That might change by the time they start school.
 
2012-12-23 02:48:00 PM  
Amen about not talking politics when alcohol has been consumed. Although my dad will  always bring it up, I have to deflect.
 
2012-12-23 02:48:55 PM  
ON HOLIDAY
 
2012-12-23 02:49:14 PM  

Honest Bender: Step 1: Drink alcohol at the same time as, and in the general vicinity of your parent(s).
Step 2: Repeat step 1.


This usually works for me.
 
2012-12-23 02:54:16 PM  
Do it the Wisconsin way, start drinking with your parents at age 13. The first time I drank with my dad was when I was 13, and he bought Jack Daniels to drink. He actually kept the bottle,and a souvenir. I also was allowed to drink at bars with my parents when I turned 16, and it is legal in Wisconsin to do that.
 
2012-12-23 03:03:29 PM  
awesomebmovies.com
unimpressed.
oblig.
 
2012-12-23 03:05:25 PM  
I grew up in Wisconsin, that's a rite of passage.
 
2012-12-23 03:07:23 PM  
Tried that once. Dad started wanting to fight everybody in the bar.
 
2012-12-23 03:18:20 PM  
My Mom was a serious light weight, to the point that if you told her that ice water had vodak in it she would believe she was getting drunk off it. When it came to something with actual alcohol in it, even an insignificant amount, like a wine cooler, she'd have part of one and go right to sleep.
 
2012-12-23 03:20:45 PM  
My Parents let me drink at 17.Legal drinking age in N.Y. was 18 at the time.
then they changed it to 19 the next year(I had to wait 2 weeks to be legal again)
Then 2 years later they changed it to 21.(had to wait 2 weeks to be legal again)

/ Pops and I still have a couple of beers together.

//Momma would drink 2 or 3 glasses of wine.

/// Ive caught a buzz drinking with Mom and Pop
 
2012-12-23 03:21:41 PM  

ktybear: FunkOut: Neither one of mine can take more than a drink or two without becoming ill. Miracle of genetics considering their DNA.

That might change by the time they start school.


Hah. No, my parents are like that. With the issue of children, my husband is a Newfie. I expect they will be hitting the rum by grade 5.
 
2012-12-23 03:28:18 PM  
Don't live in a backwards country that have your kids taken away and you thrown in prison for them having a beer before they are 18 would probably be useful.
 
2012-12-23 03:34:35 PM  
Why would you need a manual for that? Oh, right, America, I forgot.
 
2012-12-23 03:47:26 PM  
i.ytimg.com

LET'S DO THIS GRANDBRO!!

TOTALLY AWESOME!!!
 
2012-12-23 03:54:35 PM  
One drink at a time.

/Case?
 
2012-12-23 04:10:57 PM  

incendi: Jon iz teh kewl: drinking with parents is for people too gay to get stoned on their own time

The gayest people I know get stoned on their own time... and much of the rest of time as well.


do you suck their dicks
 
2012-12-23 04:11:15 PM  
Drinking was a tortured subject in my household. Both loved to drink, but my dad had liver problems which my mom constantly reminded him about. So, they would both not-drink in silent self-loathing -- him, more out of fear of spousal reprimand than actual liver failure, and her, out of a pathological need to guilt-trip others.

Okay, so if you look at it from a different perspective we were a perfectly normal, loving, supportive family. But when you're 16 and sneaking out to clubs ('Third world' drinking ages), it didn't feel that way.

/spoiled kids, ungrateful, lawn, etc
 
2012-12-23 04:41:19 PM  
Find out what bar your father drinks in and never go there
 
2012-12-23 04:46:59 PM  
Okay but what then? How to snort lines of cocaine with your parents?

Where does it end?
 
2012-12-23 04:53:09 PM  
This dude is sitting in a bar minding his own business.Another dude,drunk as fark
walks up to him and sez I farked your mother..The dude just blows him off..A few
minutes later the drunk dude gets back in his face 'your Mom blew me' . Finally the
dude sez 'Pop your drunk go home'
 
2012-12-23 04:54:45 PM  

Djkb: Okay but what then? How to snort lines of cocaine with your parents?

Where does it end?


how to smoke wet (PCP) with my folks
 
2012-12-23 05:06:47 PM  
Drove my folks home from an Oktoberfest when I was 22(?). My brother was underage and getting served so I knew he wouldn't stop. Mom and Dad were polka-ing which was my clue to quit. My brother threw up in Mom's lap on the way home. They never questioned my level of responsibility after that.

Split a 6'er with Dad on Thanksgiving. His homebrew is killer.
 
2012-12-23 05:07:44 PM  
My mom's a teetotaler and Dad's too cheap to buy enough booze to get drunk on, so I never had this problem.
 
2012-12-23 05:12:03 PM  

Jon iz teh kewl: Djkb: Okay but what then? How to snort lines of cocaine with your parents?

Where does it end?

how to smoke wet (PCP) with my folks


Slippery slope.
 
2012-12-23 05:37:32 PM  
I'm Italian, so I've been having wine with my family from a young age. First time I was actually drunk was probably at a wedding while I was in high school. No biggie.

When I was in college, my cousin and I flew to a wedding, the rest of the family drove and got in the day before. My dad picked us up and the airport. The minute we got in the car, he handed us beers and told us we had a lot of catching up to do. Later that weekend we got kicked out of the hotel bar for excessive rowdinesd. I'm the only person I know who's been kicked out of a bar accompanied by her father and grandmother.

Being Italian is even more fun than it looks.
 
2012-12-23 06:17:05 PM  

Centerpoint: vudukungfu: Haliburton Cummings: for me it would be :

-cement saw
-shovel
-good lawyer

Just don't hit a sewer pipe. Because then you have to call a contractor, and those people are witnesses.

He hit the sewer pipe, that's why he has a "good lawyer."


0/5

was that humour?
 
2012-12-23 06:18:51 PM  
The kids can drink if they want. The boys choose not to yet and my stepdaughter will barely take a couple of sips of Mrs. Smurf's Mike's Hard Lemonade
 
2012-12-23 06:38:07 PM  
10. be near my parents.
20 don't Just Say No.

goto 10

optional step: say 'damn! what's in this? for the first two drinks. by the third drink it'll seem normal.
 
2012-12-23 06:40:47 PM  
addendum: if you're with my parents in the morning and they offer you coffee, accept some and drink. *bam* you're drunk.
 
2012-12-23 07:00:16 PM  
I've never seen my parents drunk, and I have never been drunk either. I can't imagine why I'd ever want to.
 
2012-12-23 07:15:07 PM  
I'd drink with my mom but she's on metformin and if you drink with that shiat it can cause lactic acidosis. I like my mom alive,though I have smoked pot with her before so wooooo.
/Barton's vodak is cheap but tastes waaaay better than Heaven Hill vodak.
 
2012-12-23 07:30:54 PM  

Jon iz teh kewl: drinking with parents is for people too gay to get stoned on their own time


pretty much done in one....... get the rentd's stoned....then have them pay for some quality liquid...
 
2012-12-23 07:39:40 PM  
Come up from basement.. Stumble, stumble... "AND ANOTHER THING", remember when you didn't buy me that GI-Joe kung fu grip? That's why I'm still here living in the basement.... pees in corner of kitchen, returns to basement...
 
2012-12-23 07:56:31 PM  
My mom doesn't drink and has never even sipped alcohol. My dad never has more than two beers in an evening and I've never seen him get a mixed drink. I never drank with my parents in high school or anything. As far as they knew I never touched alcohol until I turned 21 because I never got caught drinking unlike my idiot older sister.

I spent more time drinking with my friends parents in high school than I ever will with my parents the rest of my lifetime.
 
2012-12-23 08:13:27 PM  
I'm Irish. My mom has a fifth waiting for me in the freezer if I come home to visit.
 
2012-12-23 08:30:03 PM  
"All the beer ponging and keg standing you've done the last few semesters has not prepared you for the depths of drunkenness that decades of life's crushing disappointment has pushed your folks into. The best you can hope for is an Andrew Luck-level performance, as you're drinking with the Tom Brady and Peyton Manning of armchair chugging."

That quote alone makes this article worth a read.
 
2012-12-23 08:42:51 PM  

Honest Bender: Step 1: Drink alcohol at the same time as, and in the general vicinity of your parent(s).
Step 2: Repeat step 1.


you make it sound so easy.

My parents don't drink.


I are very drunk
 
2012-12-23 08:53:41 PM  
It'd be nice to have a drink with Dad. I guess next time I'm at my sisters house, I could put his box on the couch next to me.

Mom's a light weight, a glass of wine and she's looped.
 
2012-12-23 09:24:32 PM  
Having parents that drink makes this far to easy. Try being around parents and family members that don't drink so there isn't a drop of alcohol in the house unless you snuck it in. I cherish my few drinking holiday parties.
 
2012-12-23 10:02:29 PM  

Jon iz teh kewl: drinking with parents is for people too gay to get stoned on their own time


Says you. Growing up in an alcohol fueled household I was tasked (as the youngest sibling) with fetching my dads cold beers from the Nordge in the basement. Then I had to entertain my father by struggling to perforate the can top with an opener, two holes, one for drinking and one for air pressure equalization. Pops found this amusing as I'm left handed and his IQ was so low he couldn't wrap his brain around anyone being able to deal with such a normal thing.

Dad was such a drunk that before long into the evening I would begin lightly shaking the can and directing the spray toward him. He found that amusing and never once objected, I have no idea why. I was made to sit quietly on the floor next to his comfortable chair and serve as a human version of a remote control. There were very few television channels from which to select in my youth and my father was thrilled to view anything, having grown up himself in the days of radio. After Mom left for bingo Dad was already two sheets to the wind and wouldn't notice that I was sipping my own coldie while I sat cross-legged on the cold hard floor.

By the time I was in seventh grade I would smoke a jay alongside the garage before going inside and sitting on the couch ( age has it's privileges ) where I would make snarky comments to my father which for the most part flew right over his head. In 8th grade I began dropping acid as i sat on the couch, letting the tiny stamp linger on my tongue while I watched my father beat the daylights out of his kidneys.

In my last year of HS I was 18 (my Mom chose to start me in school a year late, Lord knows why) I was legally able to drink. This kicked things up a notch as I'd get stoned with a buddy then we'd get drunk with dad at the kitchen table and play penny ante poker. My dad never experienced street drugs but his intake of cheap beer was simply legendary, by volume. Every year around this time my father would amass a stack of advertisement Calendars from assorted liquor stores which bordered on ridiculous.

The man never owned a new car, went on a go away vacation and we didn't have a properly working bathroom but beer was never in short supply. Everyone has their priorities.
 
2012-12-23 10:25:58 PM  

reddfrogg: I've never seen my parents drunk, and I have never been drunk either. I can't imagine why I'd ever want to.


I've rarely seen my parents sober in recent years. They're drunken behavior is so cringe inducing that it has greatly inhibited my desire to drink.
 
2012-12-23 10:35:58 PM  
what if you ARE the parents?

/feels old
//daughter has bottles of booze in her room
///feel kinda proud that she both has them and doesn't bother to drink them: popular enough to be given bottles of wine, sensible enough to save them. She's 16.
 
2012-12-23 10:52:57 PM  

StashMonster: what if you ARE the parents?

/feels old
//daughter has bottles of booze in her room
///feel kinda proud that she both has them and doesn't bother to drink them: popular enough to be given bottles of wine, sensible enough to save them. She's 16.


STASH MONSTERS' DAUGHTER :)
 
2012-12-24 12:27:29 PM  
*snort/giggle* I'm Irish and German, nether known for being alcohol-wallflowers.

The crew and I have a ladies night once a week. All my daughter wanted for her 18th b-day was to join in the crew, and she got her wish. Two months later and she waits til I'm fairly lit to dare me to get her an introduction to the head dancer at the club (burlesque, go-go). A year later, I get free drinks on my daughter's tab. This is their "pay", and since she's under 21 she can't drink. so I get the profits. A month back she did her first burlesque solo and brought the house down. What can I say? Oh yeah, lol. "I made that." Cheers.
 
2012-12-24 12:57:14 PM  

TaylorSalad: *snort/giggle* I'm Irish and German, nether known for being alcohol-wallflowers.

The crew and I have a ladies night once a week. All my daughter wanted for her 18th b-day was to join in the crew, and she got her wish. Two months later and she waits til I'm fairly lit to dare me to get her an introduction to the head dancer at the club (burlesque, go-go). A year later, I get free drinks on my daughter's tab. This is their "pay", and since she's under 21 she can't drink. so I get the profits. A month back she did her first burlesque solo and brought the house down. What can I say? Oh yeah, lol. "I made that." Cheers.


I cannot make a determination of your parenting skills without photos of said burlesque show featuring said unique snowflake.
 
2012-12-24 02:58:26 PM  
Parenting skills fully intact as it would seem I've adopted about 40 extra kids since we started going.

Said unique snowflake photos could be considered assault from causing bedsores and chaffing from not leaving your bunk, so I must defer. Before said performance I offered to sneak her a shot to calm her nerves. "Hold it til I'm done, then we'll celebrate", and off she went. Frank Sinatra was weeping from wherever he is at what she did with his song. . . . in a good way.
 
2012-12-24 05:38:23 PM  

FunkOut: ktybear: FunkOut: Neither one of mine can take more than a drink or two without becoming ill. Miracle of genetics considering their DNA.

That might change by the time they start school.

Hah. No, my parents are like that. With the issue of children, my husband is a Newfie. I expect they will be hitting the rum by grade 5.


I know this thread is from yesterday, sorry. Where are you from if hubby is a newfie? I'm from New Brunswick... When I go to Alberta, they mistake me for a newfie.. I haven't the slightest clue why though.
 
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