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(Boston.com)   Happy Festivus to one and all. Air your grievances to the right   (boston.com) divider line 39
    More: Sappy, Festivus, rude behavior, Ig Nobel Prizes, coronary artery disease  
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3988 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Dec 2012 at 8:14 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-12-23 08:16:09 AM
7 votes:
I GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE!
2012-12-23 09:48:00 AM
3 votes:

DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: Giblet: DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: I usually have no problems making up my mind but i suck at cars.

i can't figure out if I want to get a (diesel) Jetta sportswagen TDI, a (diesel) Audi A3 TDI or a Ford C-max Energi plug-in hybrid. I'm not environmentally conscious, just prefer not to visit the gas station so often.

I have two old old cars and I have to make a decision before Jan 1. And go deeper in debt, blah.

If your "old" cars work, and if you'd have to get a loan to buy a new one, why would you buy a new car?

Did you fail math, or did you just upgrade from an iPhone 4s to an iPhone 5?

I have a 1995 Audi with a failing transmission, and a 2001 Nissan pathfinder with a rusting ...well, everything. Over 150K on both.

Maybe you think that paying thousands of dollars to keep them running is a good idea,but I really need at least one reliable car, and the diesels last for 400K with care. The hybrid may last close to that, as the battery life on the lithium ions are pretty long, but I may just lease it.

And, no, I upgraded recently to an iPhone 5 from my iPhone 3G after i screwed up the earpiece cable after i put in the second battery replacement.

Yea, I'm cheap,but to a point.


You could have at least gift-wrapped my ass as you handed it to me, Scrooge.
2012-12-23 09:20:22 AM
2 votes:
Let's see... The MIL decided LAST NIGHT that she couldn't do Christmas Eve, as has been planned since, well, every freakin' year. She invited herself for tonight instead, which means I am now doing three Christmas dinners instead of two. And I have to be ready 24 hours earlier than I thought. So of course, here I am Farking instead of Christmas prepping.

Also, the Mr. is sick as a dog and whining nonstop. And wanting me to wait on him hand and foot.

Other than that, though, things are going pretty good. White Christmas and all. Oh yeah, that meant my neighbor was snow-blowing at 6am, the bastard, but at least he had a shirt on.
2012-12-23 08:48:35 AM
2 votes:
I'm an Eagles fan.
2012-12-23 08:38:39 AM
2 votes:
My butler decided he wanted Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day off. Now I'm going to have a short-handed staff for holiday festivities. I truly know how the Valley Forge soldiers felt suffering through winter.
2012-12-23 08:20:46 AM
2 votes:
Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.
Cosmo Kramer: What happened to the doll?
Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born ... a Festivus for the rest of us!
Cosmo Kramer: That must've been some kind of doll.
Frank Costanza: She was.
2012-12-23 08:18:27 AM
2 votes:

Close2TheEdge: I GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE!


Since you're the first to complain, we'll stone you first as well.
2012-12-23 04:30:30 PM
1 votes:
So I'm in the grocery store on an errand to get some wrapping paper (the spouse likes to wait until the last minute so that I have to make 'emergency' trips for her.  Hey sweetie, guess what, the UPS store is closed on Sunday) and there are these two middle-ageish women (mother and daughter would be my guess), walking along side of me, "should we get ... no I don't think ... " if I speed up they speed up, if I slow down they slow down.  Bugged, I turn around and walk the other direction.  Wrapping paper?  Not in the paper aisle.  Seasonal aisle!  Has to be there.  Seasonal is a four-shopping cart wide aisle and yet it is blocked off by a stocker and the only other people in the aisle, yes, the two oblivious middle-ageish women, "those cups are just a shade too pink, don't you think?  I don't know, they are stackable ...".  YARRRGH.

/the Christmas wrap was in the lobby in the front of the store
//I had walked right by it coming in
///will my suffering never end?
2012-12-23 03:52:53 PM
1 votes:

tartcake: my neighbor and his redneck friends stand outside in his yard every evening with a beer in hand and stare at my house. EVERY DAMN DAY, I have morons watching me. If I happen to wave, I just get dumb looks.
My house is not interesting. Me taking out the garbage is not interesting. My dog crapping in my yard is not interesting. WHY DO YOU STARE AT ME? Go inside for christs sake and watch tv like everyone else.


How purdy is your mouth, though?
2012-12-23 12:28:51 PM
1 votes:
I hate how some people here expect each post to be perfect prose written to entertain and enlighten. BUT even the smallest mistake should be pointed out and ridiculed AND the poster demeaned. ostracized and shunned.

Punctuation, Learn, how to use it; Dumbass.
2012-12-23 11:28:45 AM
1 votes:
No bagel, no bagel, no bagel!
2012-12-23 11:02:56 AM
1 votes:

bacchanalias and consequences: I'm an Eagles fan.


Yeah, my mom wants to hang herself, too.
2012-12-23 10:57:15 AM
1 votes:

Shyla: When does the Feats of Strength start?


Stand back, I'm about to do a pushup.
2012-12-23 10:56:01 AM
1 votes:
img822.imageshack.us

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Baby Babu is handcrafted of RealTouch® vinyl to capture every lifelike detail, right down to the folds and creases on hands and feet, with a soft body for many posing options. Little wisps of baby orangutan hair, applied by hand, add to the realism of this adorable orangutan doll. The gentle brown eyes with long lashes seem to say "please pick me up," and who could resist this little one? Baby Babu arrives ready to be pampered in an adorable polka-dot tee shirt and a diaper, and you can even offer this little one its thumb to "suck" if you like! Strong demand is expected for this realistic orangutan baby doll by Simon Laurens. Don't wait; order now!"


I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
2012-12-23 10:50:17 AM
1 votes:
Tebow
2012-12-23 10:33:58 AM
1 votes:
Lemme give this a go... *cracks knuckles before typing*

First off. All you Farkers, especially the mods AND Drew: You're cool as shiat on a glacier.

To the "System Admins" that I work for on a daily basis:

Fark you, fark you all sideways with fire hydrants wrapped in Concertina wire.

Telling me to run diagnostics on your server without giving me any useful information will result in nothing. Telling me to do your job for you only says you don't know how to do your job. Know what happens if I don't know how to do my job? I get farking fired.

I wish all you idiots get ignited napalm enemas.

No more will I simply let you remain ignorant. I will lambaste you in the vapid, inane emails you send betraying your ignorance of you key job functions. Pull everyone off the email so it's just you telling me you don't know how? I'll put everyone back on with my lmgtfy response and show your colleagues you're a moron.

I hope you get planar warts and planar fasciitis, and that your mother in laws will describe their ass boils to you in appetite-destroying detail.

My job is to fix the hardware when it breaks, nothing else. It's your job to diagnose the servers, I'm only to do it when your system is so farked you can't remote to it. It's your job to monitor your servers, you can biatch until the cows come home that you have 200 servers to watch, I have 1000's in my location alone. You have monitoring software, hell, your IPMI-compliant management controllers can be set up to send you a damn email through SNMP when they find something's gone wrong, all of it automatic.

I hope midgets punch you in the junk with rusty razor blades.
2012-12-23 10:31:04 AM
1 votes:
I want 5G instead of that lame 4G.
gja [TotalFark]
2012-12-23 10:28:57 AM
1 votes:
Dear fellow world members:
Please stop:
1. Killing each other over stupid shiat.
2. Stealing each others land/possessions/resources etc...
3. Taking drugs that turn you into azzholes that feel the need to go and do horrific shiat (leading to yet more misery).
4. Allowing your fellow man to starve, freeze/boil to death, die lonely and alone, die without dignity or solace, etc...
5. Being so materialistic (no matter how hard you try, you will leave it all behind and you are dust in the end).
6. Ignoring those around you in pain and suffering. You ARE your brothers keeper. No. REALLY.

This is a start, at least. There is so, so much more though. I hope and pray I live to see the day we as a race "get it" and start fixing our collective shiat.

/fark-on man, fark-on
2012-12-23 10:22:07 AM
1 votes:
How the hell can a ball hit 225 feet away be called an infield fly? Damn umpire.

/Braves fan - still not over it
2012-12-23 10:11:49 AM
1 votes:
GODDAMN CAT JUST PISSED ALL OVER MY SHOES AND SHIAT ON THE FRONT DOOR MAT

Like I don't have enough to farking do today. I get it, you're old, kitteh. But I put a litter box in every farking bathroom! On every farking floor! I switched boxes several times to get the one with the lowest sides and the litter you've always liked. I keep them all really really clean.

IT'S FARTHER TO THE FRONT DOOR THAN IT IS TO THE GODDAMMED LITTERBOX YOU LITTLE...

I put the plastic floor runner, pokey side up, under the shoes (and the tree, and a bunch of other places) It hurts like hell to step on it barefoot, which I have done many times. does that stop you??

NOOOOOOOOOO. You'll take the pain for the opportunity to piss on my shoes!

Welcome to my house. Why yes, we do have cats. Why do you ask?

I love the cat so, so much but holy shiat I can't do the shiat and piss all over...
2012-12-23 10:09:04 AM
1 votes:
I've got 99 problems, and Festivus ain't one of them
2012-12-23 09:39:50 AM
1 votes:

swaniefrmreddeer: Krymson Tyde: swaniefrmreddeer: DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.

I have a problem with people who call pop "soda", they aren't Canadian.

I have a problem with people who call coke soda a pop.

Coke and soda is a cocktail. Coke, soda, and ammonia makes crack.


Coke and Iron Ore makes pig iron
2012-12-23 09:38:08 AM
1 votes:
I have a problem with Fark Independents. Just have the balls to admit that you're Republicans. You're so far in the political closet you can see Narnia.
2012-12-23 09:36:40 AM
1 votes:

FirstNationalBastard: Fuggin Bizzy: DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.

Arm and Hammer makes soda. Coca-Cola makes pop.

"Pop"? Farking heathen.

You might as well call all sodas "Coke".


Reminds me of M*A*S*H...

Col. Potter: "Bring me a Snickers."
Radar: "With nuts?"
Col. Potter: "No nuts."
Radar: "Milky Way."
2012-12-23 09:29:25 AM
1 votes:

DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: I usually have no problems making up my mind but i suck at cars.

i can't figure out if I want to get a (diesel) Jetta sportswagen TDI, a (diesel) Audi A3 TDI or a Ford C-max Energi plug-in hybrid. I'm not environmentally conscious, just prefer not to visit the gas station so often.

I have two old old cars and I have to make a decision before Jan 1. And go deeper in debt, blah.


If your "old" cars work, and if you'd have to get a loan to buy a new one, why would you buy a new car?

Did you fail math, or did you just upgrade from an iPhone 4s to an iPhone 5?
2012-12-23 09:23:59 AM
1 votes:

namegoeshere: Let's see... The MIL decided LAST NIGHT that she couldn't do Christmas Eve, as has been planned since, well, every freakin' year. She invited herself for tonight instead, which means I am now doing three Christmas dinners instead of two. And I have to be ready 24 hours earlier than I thought. So of course, here I am Farking instead of Christmas prepping.

Also, the Mr. is sick as a dog and whining nonstop. And wanting me to wait on him hand and foot.

Other than that, though, things are going pretty good. White Christmas and all. Oh yeah, that meant my neighbor was snow-blowing at 6am, the bastard, but at least he had a shirt on.


Order Chinese takeout, sit down, put your feet up with a glass of wine in one hand and read every fortune cookie fortune out loud with "in bed" at the end of it. And serve that dinner on paper plates.
2012-12-23 09:11:30 AM
1 votes:

bacchanalias and consequences: I'm an Eagles fan.


Why don't you come to your senses?
2012-12-23 09:07:45 AM
1 votes:

Landis: DON.MAC: It is now 63°C (154.4°F) cooler in Mikkeli Finland than in Melbourne Australia. That is about 20% of °K difference.

Ummm... What? One degree Kelvin and one degree Celsius are exactly the same in terms of thermal energy. The Kelvin scale simply has a 273-degree offset relative to Celsius to account for the fact that it starts at absolute zero.


You think you're smarter than us?
2012-12-23 09:03:38 AM
1 votes:
Apparently there is another holiday this week and I am being forced into hosting a dinner for the very people I spend the entire year avoiding. I can't stand my farking Aunts and Cousins. Uncles were okay, but had the good sense to die and escape their idiot children and wives.
2012-12-23 09:02:24 AM
1 votes:
What's the deal with observational humor?

1-media-cdn.foolz.us
2012-12-23 08:59:15 AM
1 votes:
I find tinsel distracting.
2012-12-23 08:58:29 AM
1 votes:
That farker didn't "smart" or "funny" my witty insight. You know who you are. Yes, you.
2012-12-23 08:55:42 AM
1 votes:
Consumers irritate me to no end. Why do you people have to waste money on all that stupid farking garbage you insist that you need? The sale price is wrong? You won't buy it if you don't get the sale price? Then YOU DON'T FARKING NEED IT DO YOU!?!?!

Your $400 meds have a copay of $3? You say you'll die if you don't take the meds but you are making a scene over $3? DON'T TAKE THEM THEN. JUST DIE.
2012-12-23 08:49:21 AM
1 votes:
It's nice that I went and bought me an outfit today that costed a lot of money, you know what I mean? 'Cause I figured that Wu-Tang was gonna win. I don't know how you all see it, but when it comes to the children, Wu-Tang is for the children. We teach the children. You know what I mean? Puffy is good, but Wu-Tang is the best, Okay? I want you all to know that this is ODB, and I love you all. Peace!
2012-12-23 08:46:01 AM
1 votes:
When does the Feats of Strength start?
2012-12-23 08:28:50 AM
1 votes:
In honor of Festivus, I will not be eating any bagels today.
2012-12-23 08:27:40 AM
1 votes:
www.rollitup.org
2012-12-23 08:25:18 AM
1 votes:
I hate being 30 and back in college. Nothing reminds you just how much people hate you than know-it-all 18 year olds. Nothing is also quite so humbling as remembering that you were once one of those FREAKS!
2012-12-23 08:20:27 AM
1 votes:
If I did that, we'd be here until next Festivus.
 
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