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(Boston.com)   Happy Festivus to one and all. Air your grievances to the right   (boston.com) divider line 34
    More: Sappy, Festivus, rude behavior, Ig Nobel Prizes, coronary artery disease  
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3988 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Dec 2012 at 8:14 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-12-23 09:45:37 AM
3 votes:
Let's take a moment to stop and remember Dan O'Keefe, the inventor of Festivus. He passed this year.

R.I.P. Untinseled Man
2012-12-23 10:56:01 AM
2 votes:
img822.imageshack.us

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Baby Babu is handcrafted of RealTouch® vinyl to capture every lifelike detail, right down to the folds and creases on hands and feet, with a soft body for many posing options. Little wisps of baby orangutan hair, applied by hand, add to the realism of this adorable orangutan doll. The gentle brown eyes with long lashes seem to say "please pick me up," and who could resist this little one? Baby Babu arrives ready to be pampered in an adorable polka-dot tee shirt and a diaper, and you can even offer this little one its thumb to "suck" if you like! Strong demand is expected for this realistic orangutan baby doll by Simon Laurens. Don't wait; order now!"


I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
2012-12-23 09:41:54 AM
2 votes:
Can I troll and vent?

Obama: be a freaking man and stop reading the TelePrompTer for wisdom. We all know you are a Pinocchio doll being controlled by the unions.

/ baits out...
2012-12-23 09:09:32 AM
2 votes:

Here Comes Everybody: I've had a sinus headache for over a week now and am living on Tylenol. My nose is clogged, my mouth is constantly dry, and I can barely taste anything.


You need a neti pot.
2012-12-23 08:25:18 AM
2 votes:
I hate being 30 and back in college. Nothing reminds you just how much people hate you than know-it-all 18 year olds. Nothing is also quite so humbling as remembering that you were once one of those FREAKS!
2012-12-23 08:16:09 AM
2 votes:
I GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE!
2012-12-24 12:43:29 PM
1 votes:

cousndick: My grievances: better late than never....

To my older brother: stop complaining so damn much.

To my younger brother: stop complaining about having to work for a living, you're a man & you have balls.

To my God-sister: we both know you are using your 'boyfriend,' I just thought you was better than that.

To my God-sister's sister: You're a 38 year old ungrateful piece of shiat and a drain on your family and society. You're horrible with money so you have to resort to begging for handouts from your parents. Your sister let you move in rent free and gave you free food. Only thing she asked in return was, clean up after yourself and don't talk so damn loud. But you couldn't do it. Your arrogance and ignorance got your dumbass kicked out within months and sleeping on my couch like I predicted. I'm just fortunate you had moved out and set someone else's house on fire. The only thing you've accomplished in life is learning how to play the victim.

To my job: Stop pointing out record breaking stats, then make excuses why you can't pay more.

To my neighbors: you two have bought 2 new cars, yet can't seem to buy a farkin trashcan. Every Thursday night you assholes put your trash out on the curb and it's Thanksgiving dinner for the dogs and cats and racoons that live in the woods behind us. Aren't you tired of being out there every Sunday afternoon scooping up the trash?!

To the asshole at the gym that wasted no time pissing all over the toilet seat once maintenance had fixed the toilet: I will find you and I will end you.

Happy Festivus!!


You, sir, have captured the true spirit of Festivus! I salute you! Now, let's see how you do at the Feats of Strength...
2012-12-24 12:36:47 AM
1 votes:
Pacific Northwest, you are beautiful and awesome at times. But most times, you are cold, dreary and soul-sucking. And far from just about everyone I love, while the one person in town I am close to is now trying to distance herself because she feels closer to me (an ex...) than her current, and clearly that's problem between she and I and not she and her girlfriend.

And the boss refuses to even consider time-off requests until February because another employee might get canned, and if I had pre-scheduled time off to go see family that might result in boss having to (gasp! horror!) cover shifts, which would bring about the end times.

And depression in general - fark you!
2012-12-23 06:30:12 PM
1 votes:

Fixxor: Here we go:

Im farking sick of being torn up. Torn up over my mom having anti-biotic immune pneumonia. Torn up over my friend Vicki getting farking shot in Newtown (yes i actually knew her). Im now torn up my buddys' father went in for a "routine" triple bypass surgery, then they had to do a Quad bypass instead, followed up by complications and the body possibly not accepting the surgery or whatever...

I have no more feels. Ive cried my farking eyes out the last two weeks.

[8th-circuit.com image 500x262]


//Grievances man.. i has them.

//happy festivus.. or christmas or whatever the fark you want.


I just realized BlaqueKatt's gettin' all the love here, and you're feeling pretty shiatty too.

Sorry man. C'mere and get in on this group hug. We love you, you wonderful farker, you. Thanks for being.

Sending you all the good thoughts I can for a better 2013. Hang in there. It's gotta get better sometime!
gja [TotalFark]
2012-12-23 05:46:46 PM
1 votes:

BlaqueKatt: sigh, not that anyone will get this far....

I'm tired of being unloved and unwanted, it's been almost two years since anyone's even been nice to me.

/also I cry a lot
//I know, no one cares-that's the problem.


So, you peddle your azz around town?
C'mon....laugh. I keed.

You ARE wrong, though. And though it may be an unbelievably unpopular position (at least here-about) my christian teachings help make it just a bit easier to say to you "You are loved, you are wanted, and please don't let this world run you too far down"
How can I, as just another person across the miles, make your day a bit better?
Let me know. I promise to try.
2012-12-23 03:54:14 PM
1 votes:

Nogale: To G., who pretended to be such a rulebreaker and flouter of conventions, then backed off when it looked like something really special could happen between us.

To R,, who literally who ran out on our date and demonstrated that there is somthing ruder than standing someone up. For anyone who thinks I'm misusing the word, it was our first blind date (I already had a sense he was a sh*t and was actually hoping for a no-show) and we'd agree to go running together. He arrived and I asked if I could stow my backpack in his car. We headed for the car and he said he needed to stop in a cafe to pee. I waited outside and about two minutes later turned around to see him high-tailing it out of the cafe in the opposite direction.


Oof. Actually running away. A new low.

Sounds you lucked out.
2012-12-23 02:02:31 PM
1 votes:

b0rscht: Wife and I are sick and are staying home this year, not visiting sisters in law an eight hour drive through Chicago away. SIL is freaking the fark out, leaving sobbing messages on voice mail. It's not about you, you crazy woman. And desperation and neediness is not attractive on anyone.

So maybe my grievance has a silver lining, not having to deal face to face with crazy family who only want to see you to buffer you from the other relatives.


If I were you, I'd plan to be sick next Christmas, too.
2012-12-23 01:49:57 PM
1 votes:
Wife and I are sick and are staying home this year, not visiting sisters in law an eight hour drive through Chicago away. SIL is freaking the fark out, leaving sobbing messages on voice mail. It's not about you, you crazy woman. And desperation and neediness is not attractive on anyone.

So maybe my grievance has a silver lining, not having to deal face to face with crazy family who only want to see you to buffer you from the other relatives.
2012-12-23 11:18:10 AM
1 votes:
www.charliekilo.com
2012-12-23 10:57:04 AM
1 votes:
Lights are up, hot tea in hand. Cats are running full tilt back and forth across the floor for no particularly good reason. Not a whole lot to complain about. Would prefer clients pay on time instead of making me chase them, but it's up to me to find better clients and cut loose the losers.

Happy Whatever Day!
gja [TotalFark]
2012-12-23 10:28:57 AM
1 votes:
Dear fellow world members:
Please stop:
1. Killing each other over stupid shiat.
2. Stealing each others land/possessions/resources etc...
3. Taking drugs that turn you into azzholes that feel the need to go and do horrific shiat (leading to yet more misery).
4. Allowing your fellow man to starve, freeze/boil to death, die lonely and alone, die without dignity or solace, etc...
5. Being so materialistic (no matter how hard you try, you will leave it all behind and you are dust in the end).
6. Ignoring those around you in pain and suffering. You ARE your brothers keeper. No. REALLY.

This is a start, at least. There is so, so much more though. I hope and pray I live to see the day we as a race "get it" and start fixing our collective shiat.

/fark-on man, fark-on
2012-12-23 09:39:50 AM
1 votes:

swaniefrmreddeer: Krymson Tyde: swaniefrmreddeer: DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.

I have a problem with people who call pop "soda", they aren't Canadian.

I have a problem with people who call coke soda a pop.

Coke and soda is a cocktail. Coke, soda, and ammonia makes crack.


Coke and Iron Ore makes pig iron
2012-12-23 09:23:59 AM
1 votes:

namegoeshere: Let's see... The MIL decided LAST NIGHT that she couldn't do Christmas Eve, as has been planned since, well, every freakin' year. She invited herself for tonight instead, which means I am now doing three Christmas dinners instead of two. And I have to be ready 24 hours earlier than I thought. So of course, here I am Farking instead of Christmas prepping.

Also, the Mr. is sick as a dog and whining nonstop. And wanting me to wait on him hand and foot.

Other than that, though, things are going pretty good. White Christmas and all. Oh yeah, that meant my neighbor was snow-blowing at 6am, the bastard, but at least he had a shirt on.


Order Chinese takeout, sit down, put your feet up with a glass of wine in one hand and read every fortune cookie fortune out loud with "in bed" at the end of it. And serve that dinner on paper plates.
NFA [TotalFark]
2012-12-23 09:16:03 AM
1 votes:

FirstNationalBastard: Fuggin Bizzy: DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.

Arm and Hammer makes soda. Coca-Cola makes pop.

"Pop"? Farking heathen.

You might as well call all sodas "Coke".


In my part of the world a `pop` is an unexpected punch to the face. As in `I popped him`.

Go ahead ask for a pop, I dare you.
2012-12-23 09:15:16 AM
1 votes:

Landis: DON.MAC: It is now 63°C (154.4°F) cooler in Mikkeli Finland than in Melbourne Australia. That is about 20% of °K difference.

Ummm... What? One degree Kelvin and one degree Celsius are exactly the same in terms of thermal energy. The Kelvin scale simply has a 273-degree offset relative to Celsius to account for the fact that it starts at absolute zero.


The Kelvin scale does not employ degrees because it is an absolute scale, not a relative scale. The freezing point of water at atmospheric pressure is 273.15 Kelvins, not 273.15 degrees Kelvin.
2012-12-23 09:13:36 AM
1 votes:

swaniefrmreddeer: DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.

I have a problem with people who call pop "soda", they aren't Canadian.


I have a problem with people who call coke soda a pop.
2012-12-23 09:11:30 AM
1 votes:

bacchanalias and consequences: I'm an Eagles fan.


Why don't you come to your senses?
NFA [TotalFark]
2012-12-23 09:07:56 AM
1 votes:

Landis: Today is the 8th day of a 2-week vacation; the first chunk of time greater than 2 days wrapped around a weekend that I've ever taken off. So, naturally, I was woken up at 8:00 by a phone call from the Tampa office that began with "Yeah, I know you're on vacation and all...". This, coincidentally, is the sixth phone call I've gotten from work since starting the vacation.


Friday was my fifth day of vacation and the only day I didn't have to go to work to solve a problem created in my absence. I get paid well but I`m realizing 12+ hour work days ( but paid for 8)and working vacations cause me to make a lot less than I appear to make. I REALLY need a career change.
2012-12-23 08:58:29 AM
1 votes:
That farker didn't "smart" or "funny" my witty insight. You know who you are. Yes, you.
2012-12-23 08:55:39 AM
1 votes:
Fark you neighbor who insists on mowing your lawn at 7am with no shirt. You're hairy like a yeti, for god's sake you're scaring the children.

On a serious note, fark you cancer. You took one of my best friends this year. I hope someone finds a way to kick your arse.
2012-12-23 08:49:21 AM
1 votes:
It's nice that I went and bought me an outfit today that costed a lot of money, you know what I mean? 'Cause I figured that Wu-Tang was gonna win. I don't know how you all see it, but when it comes to the children, Wu-Tang is for the children. We teach the children. You know what I mean? Puffy is good, but Wu-Tang is the best, Okay? I want you all to know that this is ODB, and I love you all. Peace!
2012-12-23 08:48:35 AM
1 votes:

DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.


Arm and Hammer makes soda. Coca-Cola makes pop.
2012-12-23 08:48:09 AM
1 votes:

Landis: Today is the 8th day of a 2-week vacation; the first chunk of time greater than 2 days wrapped around a weekend that I've ever taken off. So, naturally, I was woken up at 8:00 by a phone call from the Tampa office that began with "Yeah, I know you're on vacation and all...". This, coincidentally, is the sixth phone call I've gotten from work since starting the vacation.


Ever hear of TURNING OFF YOUR PHONE? Huh? Genius?
2012-12-23 08:38:39 AM
1 votes:
My butler decided he wanted Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day off. Now I'm going to have a short-handed staff for holiday festivities. I truly know how the Valley Forge soldiers felt suffering through winter.
2012-12-23 08:37:15 AM
1 votes:
I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.
2012-12-23 08:35:05 AM
1 votes:
Its just as much trouble for me to raise the toliet seat as
it is for you to lower it!
2012-12-23 08:32:20 AM
1 votes:

ajgeek: I hate being 30 and back in college. Nothing reminds you just how much people hate you than know-it-all 18 year olds. Nothing is also quite so humbling as remembering that you were once one of those FREAKS!


Agreed, but I would add nothing scares you more than hearing them talk and seeing how warped their view of the world is. Their lack of work ethic worries me, too. I will give them one thing, the excuses that they feel are a legitimate reason to not complete the minimal amount of work they are given are hilarious.
2012-12-23 08:27:40 AM
1 votes:
www.rollitup.org
2012-12-23 08:20:46 AM
1 votes:
Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.
Cosmo Kramer: What happened to the doll?
Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born ... a Festivus for the rest of us!
Cosmo Kramer: That must've been some kind of doll.
Frank Costanza: She was.
 
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