If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Boston.com)   Happy Festivus to one and all. Air your grievances to the right   (boston.com) divider line 197
    More: Sappy, Festivus, rude behavior, Ig Nobel Prizes, coronary artery disease  
•       •       •

3986 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Dec 2012 at 8:14 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



197 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-12-23 03:53:52 PM

oldweevil: I have a problem with Fark Independents. Just have the balls to admit that you're Republicans. You're so far in the political closet you can see Narnia.


That's because they have a wide stance.
 
2012-12-23 03:54:14 PM

Nogale: To G., who pretended to be such a rulebreaker and flouter of conventions, then backed off when it looked like something really special could happen between us.

To R,, who literally who ran out on our date and demonstrated that there is somthing ruder than standing someone up. For anyone who thinks I'm misusing the word, it was our first blind date (I already had a sense he was a sh*t and was actually hoping for a no-show) and we'd agree to go running together. He arrived and I asked if I could stow my backpack in his car. We headed for the car and he said he needed to stop in a cafe to pee. I waited outside and about two minutes later turned around to see him high-tailing it out of the cafe in the opposite direction.


Oof. Actually running away. A new low.

Sounds you lucked out.
 
2012-12-23 04:03:08 PM

gja: wambu: I want 5G instead of that lame 4G.

"How many bloody G's are there?"
[encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com image 300x168]


At least 5000

/Obscure?
 
2012-12-23 04:04:52 PM

Wool E Mammoth: Saberus Terras: namegoeshere: BlaqueKatt: sigh, not that anyone will get this far....

I'm tired of being unloved and unwanted, it's been almost two years since anyone's even been nice to me.

/also I cry a lot
//I know, no one cares-that's the problem.

I have you faved in a lovely mauve, so there's that...

Your tag is "Likes cat crossbows."

So (((hug))) and Happy Festivus!

(((hug))) from me as well.

I will begin with a hug. It will end with... Feats of Strength!


Ow! Too hard... Can't breathe...

: )
 
2012-12-23 04:08:42 PM
2012 wasn't awesome for me, 2013 better be awesome or I'm going to do something you will all regret!
 
2012-12-23 04:10:21 PM

Landis: SO. MUCH. THIS.

Had an "admin" modify a GPO on the production domain controller and lock everyone out of RDP last week.

\Fortunately I have console access and know WTF this idiot did.
\\Unfortunately said admin still has domain admin rights.
\\\Fortunately I sent her boss screen grabs of the FUBARed prod domain controller and the working-normally dev domain controller with a note saying "Learn what change management is, and if you don't know group policy, don't touch it.".
\\\\Even their account manager laughed at them for that one.


Thank goodness that these morons don't have that kind of rights.The company would be destroyed in minutes if they did.

These idiots once tried to convince their bosses that 10 new servers all had bad hard drives and wanted all 40 drives erased, because when they went to install the OS, they had the following sitting on their consoles:

Please press any key to boot from CD or DVD...
 
2012-12-23 04:13:22 PM

Saberus Terras: Landis: SO. MUCH. THIS.

Had an "admin" modify a GPO on the production domain controller and lock everyone out of RDP last week.

\Fortunately I have console access and know WTF this idiot did.
\\Unfortunately said admin still has domain admin rights.
\\\Fortunately I sent her boss screen grabs of the FUBARed prod domain controller and the working-normally dev domain controller with a note saying "Learn what change management is, and if you don't know group policy, don't touch it.".
\\\\Even their account manager laughed at them for that one.

Thank goodness that these morons don't have that kind of rights.The company would be destroyed in minutes if they did.

These idiots once tried to convince their bosses that 10 new servers all had bad hard drives and wanted all 40 drives erased replaced, because when they went to install the OS, they had the following sitting on their consoles:

Please press any key to boot from CD or DVD...


FTFM
 
2012-12-23 04:13:51 PM

tartcake: my neighbor and his redneck friends stand outside in his yard every evening with a beer in hand and stare at my house. EVERY DAMN DAY, I have morons watching me. If I happen to wave, I just get dumb looks.
My house is not interesting. Me taking out the garbage is not interesting. My dog crapping in my yard is not interesting. WHY DO YOU STARE AT ME? Go inside for christs sake and watch tv like everyone else.


You live across the street from the Hills?
www.tvasylum.com
 
2012-12-23 04:22:33 PM
I bought a really nice peridot for my G/F and took it to a jeweler's to have it mounted a month ago... They promised me that it'd be ready two days ago. Now they're saying it'll be ready two days after Xmas.

Difficulty: I'm leaving for a month-long business trip *one* day after Xmas.
 
2012-12-23 04:30:30 PM
So I'm in the grocery store on an errand to get some wrapping paper (the spouse likes to wait until the last minute so that I have to make 'emergency' trips for her.  Hey sweetie, guess what, the UPS store is closed on Sunday) and there are these two middle-ageish women (mother and daughter would be my guess), walking along side of me, "should we get ... no I don't think ... " if I speed up they speed up, if I slow down they slow down.  Bugged, I turn around and walk the other direction.  Wrapping paper?  Not in the paper aisle.  Seasonal aisle!  Has to be there.  Seasonal is a four-shopping cart wide aisle and yet it is blocked off by a stocker and the only other people in the aisle, yes, the two oblivious middle-ageish women, "those cups are just a shade too pink, don't you think?  I don't know, they are stackable ...".  YARRRGH.

/the Christmas wrap was in the lobby in the front of the store
//I had walked right by it coming in
///will my suffering never end?
 
2012-12-23 04:58:24 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Fuggin Bizzy: DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.

Arm and Hammer makes soda. Coca-Cola makes pop.

"Pop"? Farking heathen.

You might as well call all sodas "Coke".


I call all pops "Coke".
 
gja [TotalFark]
2012-12-23 05:46:46 PM

BlaqueKatt: sigh, not that anyone will get this far....

I'm tired of being unloved and unwanted, it's been almost two years since anyone's even been nice to me.

/also I cry a lot
//I know, no one cares-that's the problem.


So, you peddle your azz around town?
C'mon....laugh. I keed.

You ARE wrong, though. And though it may be an unbelievably unpopular position (at least here-about) my christian teachings help make it just a bit easier to say to you "You are loved, you are wanted, and please don't let this world run you too far down"
How can I, as just another person across the miles, make your day a bit better?
Let me know. I promise to try.
 
2012-12-23 05:47:01 PM
I'm a Bills fan. I'm out of work. I need an operation to fix my back. I'm going deaf. I owe a shiat-ton of money for student loans for a four-year business degree in a down market.

For my feat of strength, I'm going to engage in hand-to-hand combat with as many beers as I can hold.

For my miracle, I will somehow make it home without throwing up in my neighbor's yard (again). For some reason, when I do have to do that on the walk home, it's always at the same place. Nothing personal, man, it's just how it happens.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2012-12-23 05:58:28 PM

gja: BlaqueKatt: sigh, not that anyone will get this far....

I'm tired of being unloved and unwanted, it's been almost two years since anyone's even been nice to me.

/also I cry a lot
//I know, no one cares-that's the problem.

So, you peddle pedal your azz around town? {FTFM, stupid aggressive spell-check, was meant to be a pun}
C'mon....laugh. I keed.

You ARE wrong, though. And though it may be an unbelievably unpopular position (at least here-about) my christian teachings help make it just a bit easier to say to you "You are loved, you are wanted, and please don't let this world run you too far down"
How can I, as just another person across the miles, make your day a bit better?
Let me know. I promise to try.

 
2012-12-23 06:27:56 PM

namegoeshere:
I have you faved in a lovely mauve, so there's that...

Your tag is "Likes cat crossbows."

So (((hug))) and Happy Festivus!


I like Mauve

Saberus Terras:

(((hug))) from me as well.


I like hugs

/resets niceness counter
/yay
 
2012-12-23 06:30:12 PM

Fixxor: Here we go:

Im farking sick of being torn up. Torn up over my mom having anti-biotic immune pneumonia. Torn up over my friend Vicki getting farking shot in Newtown (yes i actually knew her). Im now torn up my buddys' father went in for a "routine" triple bypass surgery, then they had to do a Quad bypass instead, followed up by complications and the body possibly not accepting the surgery or whatever...

I have no more feels. Ive cried my farking eyes out the last two weeks.

[8th-circuit.com image 500x262]


//Grievances man.. i has them.

//happy festivus.. or christmas or whatever the fark you want.


I just realized BlaqueKatt's gettin' all the love here, and you're feeling pretty shiatty too.

Sorry man. C'mere and get in on this group hug. We love you, you wonderful farker, you. Thanks for being.

Sending you all the good thoughts I can for a better 2013. Hang in there. It's gotta get better sometime!
 
2012-12-23 06:43:30 PM

namegoeshere: Fixxor


Thank you guys. Thank you Timelady for the TF subscription!!

ITS A FESTIVUS MIRACLE!
 
2012-12-23 06:49:30 PM
I've had plenty worse than this Xmas. I buried a child the day before Xmas. After that, I can survive anything.

Family I love, good friends, job I adore. Oh yeah constant crippling pain leaving me in a wheelchair is boring but Santa don't bring no spines:) Kids is happy. Bloke is happy. My dad is still alive. I live I'm a pretty good part of the world (Australia), and wonder of wonders, the heat wave has passed. Nice all round.

/ Monday morning here, last of food shopping done. All that is left is to bake gluten free Xmas Pudding Muffins (more popular than regular version due to yummy almond meal). That's it.
// cup of tea and a nap first to recover from shopping - it's a bit bigger with a disability.
/// hugs for all, and for all, a good hug.
 
2012-12-23 06:57:03 PM
Im_Gumby: You live across the street from the Hills?


Apparently so. It is so bad that the second time anyone visits our house they will ask two questions, "are your neighbors always outside?" and "Do they always stare at your house?" I shiat you not.
 
2012-12-23 07:16:48 PM
Time for some sonic warfare: couple of exterior speakers aimed just so playing an ultra-mega mix of Tiffany/Debbie Gibson/Britney Spears/Christina Aguilera/Avril Lavigne/Katy Perry/Carly Rae Jepson's collective greatest hits on random repeat just quiet enough to avoid sound ordinances.

Actually the variety may be to kind to them.

How about Gangnam style on constant repeat?
 
2012-12-23 07:18:59 PM
Saberus Terras: Thank goodness that these morons don't have that kind of rights.The company would be destroyed in minutes if they did.

These idiots once tried to convince their bosses that 10 new servers all had bad hard drives and wanted all 40 drives erased, because when they went to install the OS, they had the following sitting on their consoles:

Please press any key to boot from CD or DVD...

Honestly? I'm not sure if I'd rather they have admin or not. If they didn't, I'd have to create all of their users and handle everything else AD related, but at least they couldn't screw up the servers too much.

But your flock of morons definitely takes the taco.

I'll never understand why people think they don't need to know anything about computers. They work on and around them every day, but it's a magical black box that only nerd-types need to actually know anything. They don't seem to have the same attitude about cars, washing machines, microwaves, or even their damned iPads...

\Sometimes I wonder how they survive.
 
2012-12-23 07:31:32 PM

timelady: I've had plenty worse than this Xmas. I buried a child the day before Xmas. After that, I can survive anything.

Family I love, good friends, job I adore. Oh yeah constant crippling pain leaving me in a wheelchair is boring but Santa don't bring no spines:) Kids is happy. Bloke is happy. My dad is still alive. I live I'm a pretty good part of the world (Australia), and wonder of wonders, the heat wave has passed. Nice all round.

/ Monday morning here, last of food shopping done. All that is left is to bake gluten free Xmas Pudding Muffins (more popular than regular version due to yummy almond meal). That's it.
// cup of tea and a nap first to recover from shopping - it's a bit bigger with a disability.
/// hugs for all, and for all, a good hug.


Ouch, buried my dad on Christmas eve when I was 16, I almost didn't survive that, you are amazingly strong.

And thank you.
 
2012-12-23 09:55:07 PM
I just got over a second round of the 4 day water poops within a month. Now I seem to be coming down with some sort of upper chest congestion/scratchy throat/drippy nose combination.
 
2012-12-23 10:47:05 PM

gja: BlaqueKatt: sigh, not that anyone will get this far....

I'm tired of being unloved and unwanted, it's been almost two years since anyone's even been nice to me.

/also I cry a lot
//I know, no one cares-that's the problem.

So, you peddle your azz around town?
C'mon....laugh. I keed.

You ARE wrong, though. And though it may be an unbelievably unpopular position (at least here-about) my christian teachings help make it just a bit easier to say to you "You are loved, you are wanted, and please don't let this world run you too far down"
How can I, as just another person across the miles, make your day a bit better?
Let me know. I promise to try.


i975.photobucket.com

I can crochet a hat for you...Both of you. I have a @Fark e-mail.... I'll check it for a few days. And references (Farkers) for my work

oh yeah, the Festivus part:
During my 'getting the last minute extras' holiday shopping, these two biddies were lolly-gagging in front of me the entire time. The aisles were skinny, the many carts, wide...no room to turn around. For 20-30 mins I overheard the words "gluten-free" and carbs/sugars/whatnot. I swear, they were reading every label.
As we meandered to the ExpressLane... I had 9 items..they were biatching (loud), how they were in a hurry, and how that "___" store manager needed to open more registers. (11 out of 14 opened. I counted)
//was coming close to coming apart!

i975.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-23 10:57:58 PM
Depression, you suck. Especially when your victim is 46yo and you're making him troll message boards (not fark), causing people to dump "tough love" on him virtual ass which makes him wanna farking self-destruct.

Minneapolis, I want to like you, dammit, but it's just too cold to get out and make you my biatch.

St. Paul, you are easy to get lost in. Can you do anything about it? Do you want to?

Acute bronchitis, are you ever going to fark off and go away? I'm in the grocery this afternoon coughing like a TB patient, which other people hate even worse than I do.
 
2012-12-24 12:36:47 AM
Pacific Northwest, you are beautiful and awesome at times. But most times, you are cold, dreary and soul-sucking. And far from just about everyone I love, while the one person in town I am close to is now trying to distance herself because she feels closer to me (an ex...) than her current, and clearly that's problem between she and I and not she and her girlfriend.

And the boss refuses to even consider time-off requests until February because another employee might get canned, and if I had pre-scheduled time off to go see family that might result in boss having to (gasp! horror!) cover shifts, which would bring about the end times.

And depression in general - fark you!
 
2012-12-24 12:42:05 AM
Everyone at working is going to/threatening to quit or retire because they are sick/are getting sick of the boss-to-be's shiat and his propensity towards hiring his useless friends to fill the upper echelon jobs (when they have an actual job at all--the last friend he hired literally doesn't actually do anything or have a job title, and was not hired with any particular [open! we have at least one!] position in mind) and then saying that we can't afford to give anyone raises for the next few and past few years. It makes me really concerned, because while I enjoy working where I work, I don't see how the hell we're going to stay in business unless he gets his act in gear. It's sad.

/seriously, skateboarding outside while we're busting our asses? Not cool.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2012-12-24 01:00:19 AM
Spinnyr:

I can crochet a hat for you...Both of you. I have a @Fark e-mail.... I'll check it for a few days. And references (Farkers) for my work

oh yeah, the Festivus part:
During my 'getting the last minute extras' holiday shopping, these two biddies were lolly-gagging in front of me the entire time. The aisles were skinny, the many carts, wide...no room to turn around. For 20-30 mins I overheard the words "gluten-free" and carbs/sugars/whatnot. I swear, they were reading every label.
As we meandered to the ExpressLane... I had 9 items..they were biatching (loud), how they were in a hurry, and how that "___" store manager needed to open more registers. (11 out of 14 opened. I counted)
//was coming close to coming apart!


I need nothing. Please, I have far more than I need, a bit more than I want, and obscenely more than I deserve.
The ex-wife is giving me a horrible time, but my daughter is a gem so they far more than offset each other.
And my fiance is at once the anchor keeping me grounded and my own personal set of wings that allow my heart to fly.
I cannot do enough for her (or to her, as the case may be, lol) for the beauty and love she has given me back in my life.
I could biatch ad nauseum about how wild a ride work has been lately, but then my boss and co-workers do so much to make it a great place to be and work.

Instead of doing for me, do something good for one who truly needs it, and remember it was me who asked you do so.
I can think of nothing better. For myself, I am taking advantage of the opportunities to do senselessly good and kind acts as they present themselves.
That is one of the reasons I continue to love this time of year, I get an uncommonly large number of chances to do things to help others in an ever-so-sneaky way (I really dig going to the big box stores and paying off lay-aways and have a network of fellow miscreants who aid and abet this effort by watching for truly worthy cases, God I love it!)
Then there the trick of helping, say, an obviously budget-tight woman who is clearly stressing over the cost of her groceries to load her car, and while she isn't looking throw about $40-50 in one of the bags(hee-hee). This always leaves me smiling.

Oh, and I wish people would be nicer to retail workers. Please, people, know how tough it can be and how badly their bodies probably ache after a single or double shift, and how little their pay is in general. Be nice for pities sake!
I was taught that "there is nothing more important in life than to make another person happy, or to help another in need".
To my death I will honor that lesson, even if it cost me my last cent, my last drop of blood, and the food from my plate.
To do less would be a dishonor and a disappointment to the person who gave me that lesson, and that simply will not be.

It's nearly 1:AM here and time to hit the bed, I am beat. Tomorrow is Christmas eve and I will have many fine cocktails and a spectrum of gastronomic delights laid before me that would have sparked even Karen Carpenters appetite.
If any fellow Farker is on Long Island, or merely WANTS to be for whatever reason, there is always a place at the table open and a spot on the couch to rest afterwards. And I am not kidding, you are welcome 1 or many.
 
2012-12-24 03:10:50 AM
The clutch on car #1 is out - out like sitting on the floor of my buddy's shop, because I'm too poor to have a professional do it, so it's on me, but apparently I don't know how to replace the motherf*cker without destroying two undeserving slave cylinders first.

The serpentine belt on car #2 snapped before my eyes in the Macy's parking lot. Much easier fix, but came close to losing an eye.

And because my mother insists that I go in to Oregon to make an epic liquor run for her before driving three hours north, I have to wait until after the actual holiday to afford buying my boyfriend the tortoise we've always dreamed of naming Morbo and training to serve cocktails.
 
2012-12-24 04:33:33 AM

BlaqueKatt: timelady: I've had plenty worse than this Xmas. I buried a child the day before Xmas. After that, I can survive anything.

Family I love, good friends, job I adore. Oh yeah constant crippling pain leaving me in a wheelchair is boring but Santa don't bring no spines:) Kids is happy. Bloke is happy. My dad is still alive. I live I'm a pretty good part of the world (Australia), and wonder of wonders, the heat wave has passed. Nice all round.

/ Monday morning here, last of food shopping done. All that is left is to bake gluten free Xmas Pudding Muffins (more popular than regular version due to yummy almond meal). That's it.
// cup of tea and a nap first to recover from shopping - it's a bit bigger with a disability.
/// hugs for all, and for all, a good hug.

Ouch, buried my dad on Christmas eve when I was 16, I almost didn't survive that, you are amazingly strong.

And thank you.


we are as strong as we need to be - I had other children needing mummy to give them a happy Xmas. But to this day, I don't know how I made it through either. Left foot, right foot, I suspect.

And I just wanted to let you k ow you were cared for - Farkers care for each other. Isn't much, but sometimes a token is enough to keepyou going:)

/there is no such thing as a problem for you without a gift in its hands.
// the hard bit is finding the gift - damn well hidden, all too often.
 
2012-12-24 07:30:14 AM

i upped my meds-up yours: Depression, you suck. Especially when your victim is 46yo and you're making him troll message boards (not fark), causing people to dump "tough love" on him virtual ass which makes him wanna farking self-destruct.

Minneapolis, I want to like you, dammit, but it's just too cold to get out and make you my biatch.

St. Paul, you are easy to get lost in. Can you do anything about it? Do you want to?

Acute bronchitis, are you ever going to fark off and go away? I'm in the grocery this afternoon coughing like a TB patient, which other people hate even worse than I do.


Depression sucks no matter what your age, eip, I have friends in the cities, and will likely be visiting more often.
 
2012-12-24 08:38:45 AM
My grievances:

I despise Seth McFarlane. He is the epitome of what is wrong with white people in general and white men in particular.

I'm tired of the one minority hanging with a bunch of white people on TV. Stop doing this already. I've been watching Me-TV and you think they'd come up with something better since 1950.

My main grievance is with myself. I have entirely too much crap and I'm not working hard enough to get rid of it. Come Spring, I'm going to have a free yard sale and just give stuff away.
 
2012-12-24 09:18:40 AM
Hang in there everyone... my Depression hit a new low just yesterday but life goes on. We still have each other :-)

Christmas hugs for all/
KCCO//
 
2012-12-24 09:48:56 AM

Saberus Terras: namegoeshere: BlaqueKatt: sigh, not that anyone will get this far....

I'm tired of being unloved and unwanted, it's been almost two years since anyone's even been nice to me.

/also I cry a lot
//I know, no one cares-that's the problem.

I have you faved in a lovely mauve, so there's that...

Your tag is "Likes cat crossbows."

So (((hug))) and Happy Festivus!

(((hug))) from me as well.


What the heck, ((((hug)))) for all of!
 
2012-12-24 10:53:25 AM

Hermione_Granger: My grievances:

I despise Seth McFarlane. He is the epitome of what is wrong with white people in general and white men in particular.

I'm tired of the one minority hanging with a bunch of white people on TV. Stop doing this already. I've been watching Me-TV and you think they'd come up with something better since 1950.

My main grievance is with myself. I have entirely too much crap and I'm not working hard enough to get rid of it. Come Spring, I'm going to have a free yard sale and just give stuff away.


Whaaaa???? Don't hang his shiz on me. The guy is a D-Bag for sure, but that is no reason to get all "Screw everyone in Race X".
 
2012-12-24 11:58:53 AM
My grievances: better late than never....

To my older brother: stop complaining so damn much.

To my younger brother: stop complaining about having to work for a living, you're a man & you have balls.

To my God-sister: we both know you are using your 'boyfriend,' I just thought you was better than that.

To my God-sister's sister: You're a 38 year old ungrateful piece of shiat and a drain on your family and society. You're horrible with money so you have to resort to begging for handouts from your parents. Your sister let you move in rent free and gave you free food. Only thing she asked in return was, clean up after yourself and don't talk so damn loud. But you couldn't do it. Your arrogance and ignorance got your dumbass kicked out within months and sleeping on my couch like I predicted. I'm just fortunate you had moved out and set someone else's house on fire. The only thing you've accomplished in life is learning how to play the victim.

To my job: Stop pointing out record breaking stats, then make excuses why you can't pay more.

To my neighbors: you two have bought 2 new cars, yet can't seem to buy a farkin trashcan. Every Thursday night you assholes put your trash out on the curb and it's Thanksgiving dinner for the dogs and cats and racoons that live in the woods behind us. Aren't you tired of being out there every Sunday afternoon scooping up the trash?!

To the asshole at the gym that wasted no time pissing all over the toilet seat once maintenance had fixed the toilet: I will find you and I will end you.

Happy Festivus!!
 
2012-12-24 12:42:12 PM
Is Festivus online the time and place to ritually air my grievances? I thought I had to row out to the Mexican Island of the Dolls Hanging From Trees and whisper my grievances to the headless models Mattel no longer makes.
 
2012-12-24 12:43:29 PM

cousndick: My grievances: better late than never....

To my older brother: stop complaining so damn much.

To my younger brother: stop complaining about having to work for a living, you're a man & you have balls.

To my God-sister: we both know you are using your 'boyfriend,' I just thought you was better than that.

To my God-sister's sister: You're a 38 year old ungrateful piece of shiat and a drain on your family and society. You're horrible with money so you have to resort to begging for handouts from your parents. Your sister let you move in rent free and gave you free food. Only thing she asked in return was, clean up after yourself and don't talk so damn loud. But you couldn't do it. Your arrogance and ignorance got your dumbass kicked out within months and sleeping on my couch like I predicted. I'm just fortunate you had moved out and set someone else's house on fire. The only thing you've accomplished in life is learning how to play the victim.

To my job: Stop pointing out record breaking stats, then make excuses why you can't pay more.

To my neighbors: you two have bought 2 new cars, yet can't seem to buy a farkin trashcan. Every Thursday night you assholes put your trash out on the curb and it's Thanksgiving dinner for the dogs and cats and racoons that live in the woods behind us. Aren't you tired of being out there every Sunday afternoon scooping up the trash?!

To the asshole at the gym that wasted no time pissing all over the toilet seat once maintenance had fixed the toilet: I will find you and I will end you.

Happy Festivus!!


You, sir, have captured the true spirit of Festivus! I salute you! Now, let's see how you do at the Feats of Strength...
 
2012-12-24 12:45:43 PM

Overman: Married, building a life with someone, spent the year renovating together this old flat we bought in paris. Also managed to fall in love with a co-worker.

Last week I found out that my partner wants to move back to our home country, and that the said co-worker has been banging some other guy from work since summer.

So fark you christmas.


You don't know that people in Paris fark around? Why not wish for a sense of intuition? Or allow yourself to stereotype people just a little bit?

Oh, and you're either a hypocrite or trolling.
 
2012-12-24 12:52:58 PM

Giblet: DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: I usually have no problems making up my mind but i suck at cars.

i can't figure out if I want to get a (diesel) Jetta sportswagen TDI, a (diesel) Audi A3 TDI or a Ford C-max Energi plug-in hybrid. I'm not environmentally conscious, just prefer not to visit the gas station so often.

I have two old old cars and I have to make a decision before Jan 1. And go deeper in debt, blah.

If your "old" cars work, and if you'd have to get a loan to buy a new one, why would you buy a new car?

Did you fail math, or did you just upgrade from an iPhone 4s to an iPhone 5?


Why do you hate our consumerist American way of life, Trotsky?
 
2012-12-24 01:01:24 PM

Nogale: To G., who pretended to be such a rulebreaker and flouter of conventions, then backed off when it looked like something really special could happen between us.

To R,, who literally who ran out on our date and demonstrated that there is somthing ruder than standing someone up. For anyone who thinks I'm misusing the word, it was our first blind date (I already had a sense he was a sh*t and was actually hoping for a no-show) and we'd agree to go running together. He arrived and I asked if I could stow my backpack in his car. We headed for the car and he said he needed to stop in a cafe to pee. I waited outside and about two minutes later turned around to see him high-tailing it out of the cafe in the opposite direction.


Taylor Swift?
 
2012-12-24 02:36:25 PM
Aaaaaaaand... the inlaws blew us off completely. All of them.

WTF? Christmas is not really a "show up if I feel like it" event. Is it? Especially when there are kids involved. I don't care if you come here or have a better offer. But don't tell me you're coming so that I plan for you and then call an hour before you're supposed to be here and bail. I went through a lot of trouble, dammit. I have a fark ton of food.

You know what? Whatever. You know what I want for Christmas? Farkitol.

And the cat pissed on the mat again.
 
2012-12-24 03:37:37 PM
My grandmother got me a "Happy Holidays" mat for Christmas.
 
2012-12-24 05:27:42 PM

namegoeshere: Aaaaaaaand... the inlaws blew us off completely. All of them.

WTF? Christmas is not really a "show up if I feel like it" event. Is it? Especially when there are kids involved. I don't care if you come here or have a better offer. But don't tell me you're coming so that I plan for you and then call an hour before you're supposed to be here and bail. I went through a lot of trouble, dammit. I have a fark ton of food.

You know what? Whatever. You know what I want for Christmas? Farkitol.

And the cat pissed on the mat again.


Ouch. Know what? Next year have a massive feast... then cancel. Call them up and say, "Hey remember last year? How's it feel, farkers?"
 
2012-12-24 11:34:56 PM
I love you guys.
 
2012-12-25 08:19:28 AM
My grievance is Atomic Fireballs. When I was a boy, you were SCARED to pop one of those little bastards in your mouth. They were hot and spicy, dammit. Now they are just mildly spicy with mostly too much cinamon flavor. Yes, even atomic fireballs are PC wimp outs.
 
2012-12-25 11:36:48 AM
NCg8r 2012-12-24 10:53:25 AM

Hermione_Granger: My grievances:

I despise Seth McFarlane. He is the epitome of what is wrong with white people in general and white men in particular.

I'm tired of the one minority hanging with a bunch of white people on TV. Stop doing this already. I've been watching Me-TV and you think they'd come up with something better since 1950.

My main grievance is with myself. I have entirely too much crap and I'm not working hard enough to get rid of it. Come Spring, I'm going to have a free yard sale and just give stuff away.

Whaaaa???? Don't hang his shiz on me. The guy is a D-Bag for sure, but that is no reason to get all "Screw everyone in Race X".


You misunderstood me. I didn't say "Screw everyone in Race X." Think of what I said as the opposite of "everything that is cool about white people". There are lots of cool things about white people but there is a lot of dysfunction in the white community. Seth McFarlane, to me, epitomizes white dysfunction, hence, everything I dislike about white folks, I find represented by his brand of (non) humor.
 
Displayed 47 of 197 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report