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(Boston.com)   Happy Festivus to one and all. Air your grievances to the right   (boston.com) divider line 197
    More: Sappy, Festivus, rude behavior, Ig Nobel Prizes, coronary artery disease  
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3988 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Dec 2012 at 8:14 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



197 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-12-23 08:16:09 AM
I GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE!
 
2012-12-23 08:17:26 AM
I'm better than like 87.54% of you. And the rest just suck.
 
2012-12-23 08:17:37 AM
Hamma mamma....
 
2012-12-23 08:18:24 AM
went to a Festivus party last night. too many friggin kids. always getting in the way of my fun.
george is getting upset!


/george
 
2012-12-23 08:18:27 AM

Close2TheEdge: I GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE!


Since you're the first to complain, we'll stone you first as well.
 
2012-12-23 08:20:27 AM
If I did that, we'd be here until next Festivus.
 
2012-12-23 08:20:29 AM
My mother just brewed a pot of coffee into the coffee that was left in the pot. This is a new peculiarity to add to the list. It tastes terrible
 
2012-12-23 08:20:46 AM
Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.
Cosmo Kramer: What happened to the doll?
Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born ... a Festivus for the rest of us!
Cosmo Kramer: That must've been some kind of doll.
Frank Costanza: She was.
 
2012-12-23 08:23:17 AM

Hot Carl To Go: My mother just brewed a pot of coffee into the coffee that was left in the pot. This is a new peculiarity to add to the list. It tastes terrible


And I was playing with her dog last night, felt my foot getting warm. The dog filled my right shoe with piss
 
2012-12-23 08:25:18 AM
I hate being 30 and back in college. Nothing reminds you just how much people hate you than know-it-all 18 year olds. Nothing is also quite so humbling as remembering that you were once one of those FREAKS!
 
2012-12-23 08:27:40 AM
www.rollitup.org
 
2012-12-23 08:27:49 AM
Couldn't get a job in my field
Went back to school to learn accounting
All open jobs require years of experience
 
2012-12-23 08:28:50 AM
In honor of Festivus, I will not be eating any bagels today.
 
2012-12-23 08:30:22 AM
Here's the Pole.
img152.imageshack.us
 
2012-12-23 08:32:20 AM

ajgeek: I hate being 30 and back in college. Nothing reminds you just how much people hate you than know-it-all 18 year olds. Nothing is also quite so humbling as remembering that you were once one of those FREAKS!


Agreed, but I would add nothing scares you more than hearing them talk and seeing how warped their view of the world is. Their lack of work ethic worries me, too. I will give them one thing, the excuses that they feel are a legitimate reason to not complete the minimal amount of work they are given are hilarious.
 
2012-12-23 08:33:13 AM
Break ups suck :(

Also, I bought a bottle of pop, which I hardly ever drink, and it was flat when I opened it.

Damn you, life.
 
2012-12-23 08:33:26 AM
So, when do we do the feets of strength?
 
2012-12-23 08:35:03 AM
The skin on the baby back ribs I am making was particularly difficult to remove this morning so I am pissed at that. Otherwise, not much to complain about.
 
2012-12-23 08:35:05 AM
Its just as much trouble for me to raise the toliet seat as
it is for you to lower it!
 
2012-12-23 08:37:03 AM
Piss off, asshole.
 
2012-12-23 08:37:15 AM
I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.
 
2012-12-23 08:37:58 AM
That sun's too damn bright this morning. Can somebody turn it down a bit for me?
 
2012-12-23 08:38:39 AM
My butler decided he wanted Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day off. Now I'm going to have a short-handed staff for holiday festivities. I truly know how the Valley Forge soldiers felt suffering through winter.
 
2012-12-23 08:39:14 AM
Is it okay if I call it "fizzy yum-yum juice"?
 
2012-12-23 08:41:07 AM
Today is the 8th day of a 2-week vacation; the first chunk of time greater than 2 days wrapped around a weekend that I've ever taken off. So, naturally, I was woken up at 8:00 by a phone call from the Tampa office that began with "Yeah, I know you're on vacation and all...". This, coincidentally, is the sixth phone call I've gotten from work since starting the vacation.
 
2012-12-23 08:42:53 AM
What do you mean there's no ice? You mean I gotta drink this coffee hot?
 
2012-12-23 08:45:21 AM
I hate how some people here expect each post to be perfect prose written to entertain and enlighten. BUT even the smallest mistake should be pointed out and ridiculed AND the poster demeaned. ostracized and shunned.
 
2012-12-23 08:45:45 AM

Landis: Today is the 8th day of a 2-week vacation; the first chunk of time greater than 2 days wrapped around a weekend that I've ever taken off. So, naturally, I was woken up at 8:00 by a phone call from the Tampa office that began with "Yeah, I know you're on vacation and all...". This, coincidentally, is the sixth phone call I've gotten from work since starting the vacation.


Bill them two hours for each call.
 
2012-12-23 08:46:01 AM
When does the Feats of Strength start?
 
2012-12-23 08:46:02 AM
I'm always taking care of other people and solving their problems. When's my day to kick back and have everyone do things for me?
 
2012-12-23 08:46:08 AM

DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.


I have a problem with people who call pop "soda", they aren't Canadian.
 
2012-12-23 08:48:09 AM

Landis: Today is the 8th day of a 2-week vacation; the first chunk of time greater than 2 days wrapped around a weekend that I've ever taken off. So, naturally, I was woken up at 8:00 by a phone call from the Tampa office that began with "Yeah, I know you're on vacation and all...". This, coincidentally, is the sixth phone call I've gotten from work since starting the vacation.


Ever hear of TURNING OFF YOUR PHONE? Huh? Genius?
 
2012-12-23 08:48:13 AM
Happy Hannahkwanzamas!
 
2012-12-23 08:48:16 AM

AuralArgument: I hate how some people here expect each post to be perfect prose written to entertain and enlighten. BUT even the smallest mistake should be pointed out and ridiculed AND the poster demeaned. ostracized and shunned.


Capitalize that o, douche bag.
 
2012-12-23 08:48:31 AM
i specificly asked for luckycharm acid this morning but i got this scubby doo shiat instead, oh well
 
2012-12-23 08:48:35 AM
I'm an Eagles fan.
 
2012-12-23 08:48:35 AM

DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.


Arm and Hammer makes soda. Coca-Cola makes pop.
 
2012-12-23 08:48:46 AM
nothing like the holiday season where everyone around you wants things done their way, not all can have it their way, no one will budge, and all look to you to make sure it goes the way they want.

and of course through all that, im the only one that doesnt really care how any of it unfolds.
 
2012-12-23 08:49:21 AM
It's nice that I went and bought me an outfit today that costed a lot of money, you know what I mean? 'Cause I figured that Wu-Tang was gonna win. I don't know how you all see it, but when it comes to the children, Wu-Tang is for the children. We teach the children. You know what I mean? Puffy is good, but Wu-Tang is the best, Okay? I want you all to know that this is ODB, and I love you all. Peace!
 
2012-12-23 08:52:49 AM
Married, building a life with someone, spent the year renovating together this old flat we bought in paris. Also managed to fall in love with a co-worker.

Last week I found out that my partner wants to move back to our home country, and that the said co-worker has been banging some other guy from work since summer.

So fark you christmas.
 
2012-12-23 08:55:39 AM
Fark you neighbor who insists on mowing your lawn at 7am with no shirt. You're hairy like a yeti, for god's sake you're scaring the children.

On a serious note, fark you cancer. You took one of my best friends this year. I hope someone finds a way to kick your arse.
 
2012-12-23 08:55:42 AM
Consumers irritate me to no end. Why do you people have to waste money on all that stupid farking garbage you insist that you need? The sale price is wrong? You won't buy it if you don't get the sale price? Then YOU DON'T FARKING NEED IT DO YOU!?!?!

Your $400 meds have a copay of $3? You say you'll die if you don't take the meds but you are making a scene over $3? DON'T TAKE THEM THEN. JUST DIE.
 
2012-12-23 08:55:45 AM
It is now 63°C (154.4°F) cooler in Mikkeli Finland than in Melbourne Australia. That is about 20% of °K difference.
 
2012-12-23 08:55:52 AM

bacchanalias and consequences: I'm an Eagles fan.


Ouch. Sorry.
 
2012-12-23 08:56:25 AM
/works in retail pharmacy
 
2012-12-23 08:58:29 AM
That farker didn't "smart" or "funny" my witty insight. You know who you are. Yes, you.
 
2012-12-23 08:58:49 AM

Maus III: Landis: Today is the 8th day of a 2-week vacation; the first chunk of time greater than 2 days wrapped around a weekend that I've ever taken off. So, naturally, I was woken up at 8:00 by a phone call from the Tampa office that began with "Yeah, I know you're on vacation and all...". This, coincidentally, is the sixth phone call I've gotten from work since starting the vacation.

Ever hear of TURNING OFF YOUR PHONE? Huh? Genius?


Snark appreciated, but not really practical; this is my only phone. So I do that and then friends, family, and people I want to talk to can't get me either. It's a double-edged sword and why I've just started letting everyone who doesn't have a distinctive ring go to voice-mail.

ph0rk>/b>
Bill them two hours for each call.

I wish... I'm salaried, so that would just get pushed to the clients.

\Would much rather my colleagues learn how to farking Google something.
 
2012-12-23 08:58:51 AM
I've had a sinus headache for over a week now and am living on Tylenol. My nose is clogged, my mouth is constantly dry, and I can barely taste anything.
 
2012-12-23 08:59:15 AM
I find tinsel distracting.
 
2012-12-23 08:59:25 AM

Fuggin Bizzy: DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.

Arm and Hammer makes soda. Coca-Cola makes pop.


"Pop"? Farking heathen.

You might as well call all sodas "Coke".
 
2012-12-23 08:59:29 AM
D'oh! Effed up my tags on that last one. Sorry...
 
2012-12-23 09:02:24 AM
What's the deal with observational humor?

1-media-cdn.foolz.us
 
2012-12-23 09:02:54 AM

Suflig: Consumers irritate me to no end. Why do you people have to waste money on all that stupid farking garbage you insist that you need? The sale price is wrong? You won't buy it if you don't get the sale price? Then YOU DON'T FARKING NEED IT DO YOU!?!?!

Your $400 meds have a copay of $3? You say you'll die if you don't take the meds but you are making a scene over $3? DON'T TAKE THEM THEN. JUST DIE.


I often found that these two examples are the same person. They're also the same ones who will insist that you must price-match the nearest competitor's sale even though they'll only save a buck-two-ninety-eight in the process.

\Glad to not be in retail anymore.
\\IT isn't really that different; it's just a slightly different class of stupid that I have to put up with.
 
2012-12-23 09:03:38 AM
Apparently there is another holiday this week and I am being forced into hosting a dinner for the very people I spend the entire year avoiding. I can't stand my farking Aunts and Cousins. Uncles were okay, but had the good sense to die and escape their idiot children and wives.
 
2012-12-23 09:06:04 AM

DON.MAC: It is now 63°C (154.4°F) cooler in Mikkeli Finland than in Melbourne Australia. That is about 20% of °K difference.


Ummm... What? One degree Kelvin and one degree Celsius are exactly the same in terms of thermal energy. The Kelvin scale simply has a 273-degree offset relative to Celsius to account for the fact that it starts at absolute zero.
 
2012-12-23 09:07:45 AM

Landis: DON.MAC: It is now 63°C (154.4°F) cooler in Mikkeli Finland than in Melbourne Australia. That is about 20% of °K difference.

Ummm... What? One degree Kelvin and one degree Celsius are exactly the same in terms of thermal energy. The Kelvin scale simply has a 273-degree offset relative to Celsius to account for the fact that it starts at absolute zero.


You think you're smarter than us?
 
NFA [TotalFark]
2012-12-23 09:07:56 AM

Landis: Today is the 8th day of a 2-week vacation; the first chunk of time greater than 2 days wrapped around a weekend that I've ever taken off. So, naturally, I was woken up at 8:00 by a phone call from the Tampa office that began with "Yeah, I know you're on vacation and all...". This, coincidentally, is the sixth phone call I've gotten from work since starting the vacation.


Friday was my fifth day of vacation and the only day I didn't have to go to work to solve a problem created in my absence. I get paid well but I`m realizing 12+ hour work days ( but paid for 8)and working vacations cause me to make a lot less than I appear to make. I REALLY need a career change.
 
2012-12-23 09:08:44 AM

tetsoushima: What's the deal with observational humor?


Ha! Awesome.
 
2012-12-23 09:09:32 AM

Here Comes Everybody: I've had a sinus headache for over a week now and am living on Tylenol. My nose is clogged, my mouth is constantly dry, and I can barely taste anything.


You need a neti pot.
 
2012-12-23 09:11:30 AM

bacchanalias and consequences: I'm an Eagles fan.


Why don't you come to your senses?
 
2012-12-23 09:12:50 AM
This steak is overcooked a little. Take it back and do it right, you spineless moon-calf-looking retard.

Do ya mean like that, subby?
 
2012-12-23 09:13:36 AM

swaniefrmreddeer: DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.

I have a problem with people who call pop "soda", they aren't Canadian.


I have a problem with people who call coke soda a pop.
 
2012-12-23 09:15:16 AM

Landis: DON.MAC: It is now 63°C (154.4°F) cooler in Mikkeli Finland than in Melbourne Australia. That is about 20% of °K difference.

Ummm... What? One degree Kelvin and one degree Celsius are exactly the same in terms of thermal energy. The Kelvin scale simply has a 273-degree offset relative to Celsius to account for the fact that it starts at absolute zero.


The Kelvin scale does not employ degrees because it is an absolute scale, not a relative scale. The freezing point of water at atmospheric pressure is 273.15 Kelvins, not 273.15 degrees Kelvin.
 
NFA [TotalFark]
2012-12-23 09:16:03 AM

FirstNationalBastard: Fuggin Bizzy: DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.

Arm and Hammer makes soda. Coca-Cola makes pop.

"Pop"? Farking heathen.

You might as well call all sodas "Coke".


In my part of the world a `pop` is an unexpected punch to the face. As in `I popped him`.

Go ahead ask for a pop, I dare you.
 
2012-12-23 09:17:00 AM
My kids all fight with each other and they're all adults. Grow up, damn it! And to my youngest child, the idiot son, who thinks nothing is ever his fault, yes it is your fault. Grow a pair already. And I still love all of you. How does that work?

/Feeling better already.
 
2012-12-23 09:17:15 AM

Krymson Tyde: swaniefrmreddeer: DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.

I have a problem with people who call pop "soda", they aren't Canadian.

I have a problem with people who call coke soda a pop.


*and, goddammit. AND.
 
2012-12-23 09:18:54 AM
I usually have no problems making up my mind but i suck at cars.

i can't figure out if I want to get a (diesel) Jetta sportswagen TDI, a (diesel) Audi A3 TDI or a Ford C-max Energi plug-in hybrid. I'm not environmentally conscious, just prefer not to visit the gas station so often.

I have two old old cars and I have to make a decision before Jan 1. And go deeper in debt, blah.
 
2012-12-23 09:20:22 AM
Let's see... The MIL decided LAST NIGHT that she couldn't do Christmas Eve, as has been planned since, well, every freakin' year. She invited herself for tonight instead, which means I am now doing three Christmas dinners instead of two. And I have to be ready 24 hours earlier than I thought. So of course, here I am Farking instead of Christmas prepping.

Also, the Mr. is sick as a dog and whining nonstop. And wanting me to wait on him hand and foot.

Other than that, though, things are going pretty good. White Christmas and all. Oh yeah, that meant my neighbor was snow-blowing at 6am, the bastard, but at least he had a shirt on.
 
2012-12-23 09:22:09 AM

Fuggin Bizzy: bacchanalias and consequences: I'm an Eagles fan.

Ouch. Sorry.


Yeah, it's like a bad relationship. They disappoint me every year, but I keep coming back.

On the way to the Linc now with a truck full of beer.

/somebody stop me.
 
2012-12-23 09:23:35 AM

bacchanalias and consequences: Fuggin Bizzy: bacchanalias and consequences: I'm an Eagles fan.

Ouch. Sorry.

Yeah, it's like a bad relationship. They disappoint me every year, but I keep coming back.

On the way to the Linc now with a truck full of beer.

/somebody stop me.


They only hit you because you deserve it.
 
2012-12-23 09:23:59 AM

namegoeshere: Let's see... The MIL decided LAST NIGHT that she couldn't do Christmas Eve, as has been planned since, well, every freakin' year. She invited herself for tonight instead, which means I am now doing three Christmas dinners instead of two. And I have to be ready 24 hours earlier than I thought. So of course, here I am Farking instead of Christmas prepping.

Also, the Mr. is sick as a dog and whining nonstop. And wanting me to wait on him hand and foot.

Other than that, though, things are going pretty good. White Christmas and all. Oh yeah, that meant my neighbor was snow-blowing at 6am, the bastard, but at least he had a shirt on.


Order Chinese takeout, sit down, put your feet up with a glass of wine in one hand and read every fortune cookie fortune out loud with "in bed" at the end of it. And serve that dinner on paper plates.
 
2012-12-23 09:25:28 AM

Karma Curmudgeon: That farker didn't "smart" or "funny" my witty insight. You know who you are. Yes, you.


Next time I will "smart" and "funny" your comment. Not this time, but next time. (If I remember)
 
2012-12-23 09:25:58 AM

DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: namegoeshere: Let's see... The MIL decided LAST NIGHT that she couldn't do Christmas Eve, as has been planned since, well, every freakin' year. She invited herself for tonight instead, which means I am now doing three Christmas dinners instead of two. And I have to be ready 24 hours earlier than I thought. So of course, here I am Farking instead of Christmas prepping.

Also, the Mr. is sick as a dog and whining nonstop. And wanting me to wait on him hand and foot.

Other than that, though, things are going pretty good. White Christmas and all. Oh yeah, that meant my neighbor was snow-blowing at 6am, the bastard, but at least he had a shirt on.

Order Chinese takeout, sit down, put your feet up with a glass of wine in one hand and read every fortune cookie fortune out loud with "in bed" at the end of it. And serve that dinner on paper plates.


Heh, nice. I like it.

Fa ra ra ra ra...
 
2012-12-23 09:26:52 AM

Krymson Tyde: swaniefrmreddeer: DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.

I have a problem with people who call pop "soda", they aren't Canadian.

I have a problem with people who call coke soda a pop.


Coke and soda is a cocktail. Coke, soda, and ammonia makes crack.
 
2012-12-23 09:28:38 AM

namegoeshere: DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: namegoeshere: Let's see... The MIL decided LAST NIGHT that she couldn't do Christmas Eve, as has been planned since, well, every freakin' year. She invited herself for tonight instead, which means I am now doing three Christmas dinners instead of two. And I have to be ready 24 hours earlier than I thought. So of course, here I am Farking instead of Christmas prepping.

Also, the Mr. is sick as a dog and whining nonstop. And wanting me to wait on him hand and foot.

Other than that, though, things are going pretty good. White Christmas and all. Oh yeah, that meant my neighbor was snow-blowing at 6am, the bastard, but at least he had a shirt on.

Order Chinese takeout, sit down, put your feet up with a glass of wine in one hand and read every fortune cookie fortune out loud with "in bed" at the end of it. And serve that dinner on paper plates.

Heh, nice. I like it.

Fa ra ra ra ra...


Chinese takeout on Xmas eve was my Dad's alternative to my mom's side Italian white garlic clam sauce linguine dinner.

Either way it was garlic farts all through Santa time.
 
2012-12-23 09:29:21 AM
I'd like to swap apartments with my upstairs neighbor and stomp around in heavy boots at 11:30pm.
 
2012-12-23 09:29:25 AM

DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: I usually have no problems making up my mind but i suck at cars.

i can't figure out if I want to get a (diesel) Jetta sportswagen TDI, a (diesel) Audi A3 TDI or a Ford C-max Energi plug-in hybrid. I'm not environmentally conscious, just prefer not to visit the gas station so often.

I have two old old cars and I have to make a decision before Jan 1. And go deeper in debt, blah.


If your "old" cars work, and if you'd have to get a loan to buy a new one, why would you buy a new car?

Did you fail math, or did you just upgrade from an iPhone 4s to an iPhone 5?
 
2012-12-23 09:36:40 AM

FirstNationalBastard: Fuggin Bizzy: DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.

Arm and Hammer makes soda. Coca-Cola makes pop.

"Pop"? Farking heathen.

You might as well call all sodas "Coke".


Reminds me of M*A*S*H...

Col. Potter: "Bring me a Snickers."
Radar: "With nuts?"
Col. Potter: "No nuts."
Radar: "Milky Way."
 
2012-12-23 09:38:08 AM
I have a problem with Fark Independents. Just have the balls to admit that you're Republicans. You're so far in the political closet you can see Narnia.
 
2012-12-23 09:38:54 AM
I got a half day off work Friday, which I won't get paid for, to attend work luncheon where I got a bonus which didn't even make up for missing a half day of work. I got a starbucks ceramic cup in the white elephant gift exchange and I don't drink coffee. And work announced they are closing an extra day at Christmas for which I also won't get paid.
Past years I wouldn't have cared but this year Mr. Brave is out of work.
 
2012-12-23 09:39:50 AM

swaniefrmreddeer: Krymson Tyde: swaniefrmreddeer: DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.

I have a problem with people who call pop "soda", they aren't Canadian.

I have a problem with people who call coke soda a pop.

Coke and soda is a cocktail. Coke, soda, and ammonia makes crack.


Coke and Iron Ore makes pig iron
 
2012-12-23 09:40:17 AM

Giblet: DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: I usually have no problems making up my mind but i suck at cars.

i can't figure out if I want to get a (diesel) Jetta sportswagen TDI, a (diesel) Audi A3 TDI or a Ford C-max Energi plug-in hybrid. I'm not environmentally conscious, just prefer not to visit the gas station so often.

I have two old old cars and I have to make a decision before Jan 1. And go deeper in debt, blah.

If your "old" cars work, and if you'd have to get a loan to buy a new one, why would you buy a new car?

Did you fail math, or did you just upgrade from an iPhone 4s to an iPhone 5?


I have a 1995 Audi with a failing transmission, and a 2001 Nissan pathfinder with a rusting ...well, everything. Over 150K on both.

Maybe you think that paying thousands of dollars to keep them running is a good idea,but I really need at least one reliable car, and the diesels last for 400K with care. The hybrid may last close to that, as the battery life on the lithium ions are pretty long, but I may just lease it.

And, no, I upgraded recently to an iPhone 5 from my iPhone 3G after i screwed up the earpiece cable after i put in the second battery replacement.

Yea, I'm cheap,but to a point.
 
2012-12-23 09:41:54 AM
Can I troll and vent?

Obama: be a freaking man and stop reading the TelePrompTer for wisdom. We all know you are a Pinocchio doll being controlled by the unions.

/ baits out...
 
2012-12-23 09:45:37 AM
Let's take a moment to stop and remember Dan O'Keefe, the inventor of Festivus. He passed this year.

R.I.P. Untinseled Man
 
2012-12-23 09:48:00 AM

DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: Giblet: DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: I usually have no problems making up my mind but i suck at cars.

i can't figure out if I want to get a (diesel) Jetta sportswagen TDI, a (diesel) Audi A3 TDI or a Ford C-max Energi plug-in hybrid. I'm not environmentally conscious, just prefer not to visit the gas station so often.

I have two old old cars and I have to make a decision before Jan 1. And go deeper in debt, blah.

If your "old" cars work, and if you'd have to get a loan to buy a new one, why would you buy a new car?

Did you fail math, or did you just upgrade from an iPhone 4s to an iPhone 5?

I have a 1995 Audi with a failing transmission, and a 2001 Nissan pathfinder with a rusting ...well, everything. Over 150K on both.

Maybe you think that paying thousands of dollars to keep them running is a good idea,but I really need at least one reliable car, and the diesels last for 400K with care. The hybrid may last close to that, as the battery life on the lithium ions are pretty long, but I may just lease it.

And, no, I upgraded recently to an iPhone 5 from my iPhone 3G after i screwed up the earpiece cable after i put in the second battery replacement.

Yea, I'm cheap,but to a point.


You could have at least gift-wrapped my ass as you handed it to me, Scrooge.
 
2012-12-23 09:55:56 AM

Giblet: DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: Giblet: DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: I usually have no problems making up my mind but i suck at cars.

i can't figure out if I want to get a (diesel) Jetta sportswagen TDI, a (diesel) Audi A3 TDI or a Ford C-max Energi plug-in hybrid. I'm not environmentally conscious, just prefer not to visit the gas station so often.

I have two old old cars and I have to make a decision before Jan 1. And go deeper in debt, blah.

If your "old" cars work, and if you'd have to get a loan to buy a new one, why would you buy a new car?

Did you fail math, or did you just upgrade from an iPhone 4s to an iPhone 5?

I have a 1995 Audi with a failing transmission, and a 2001 Nissan pathfinder with a rusting ...well, everything. Over 150K on both.

Maybe you think that paying thousands of dollars to keep them running is a good idea,but I really need at least one reliable car, and the diesels last for 400K with care. The hybrid may last close to that, as the battery life on the lithium ions are pretty long, but I may just lease it.

And, no, I upgraded recently to an iPhone 5 from my iPhone 3G after i screwed up the earpiece cable after i put in the second battery replacement.

Yea, I'm cheap,but to a point.

You could have at least gift-wrapped my ass as you handed it to me, Scrooge.


Nah, I wasn't trying to hand your ass to you...this whole buying consumer goods versus utility kills me. I tend to buy for quality and then take care of items until they just don't work anymore. I'm from a family of old school Yankees...why replace when it ain't broke? Which is why I'm looking at diesels...I won't have to face that choice for a while.

Hubby on the other hand is hard core, back woods Mainer and will keep the broken stuff going. The Nissan is with us for a while, regardless.
 
2012-12-23 09:58:22 AM
Mel Brooks summed it up years ago, "Life Stinks".
 
2012-12-23 10:06:51 AM

Giblet: DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: Giblet: DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: I usually have no problems making up my mind but i suck at cars.

i can't figure out if I want to get a (diesel) Jetta sportswagen TDI, a (diesel) Audi A3 TDI or a Ford C-max Energi plug-in hybrid. I'm not environmentally conscious, just prefer not to visit the gas station so often.

I have two old old cars and I have to make a decision before Jan 1. And go deeper in debt, blah.

If your "old" cars work, and if you'd have to get a loan to buy a new one, why would you buy a new car?

Did you fail math, or did you just upgrade from an iPhone 4s to an iPhone 5?

I have a 1995 Audi with a failing transmission, and a 2001 Nissan pathfinder with a rusting ...well, everything. Over 150K on both.

Maybe you think that paying thousands of dollars to keep them running is a good idea,but I really need at least one reliable car, and the diesels last for 400K with care. The hybrid may last close to that, as the battery life on the lithium ions are pretty long, but I may just lease it.

And, no, I upgraded recently to an iPhone 5 from my iPhone 3G after i screwed up the earpiece cable after i put in the second battery replacement.

Yea, I'm cheap,but to a point.

You could have at least gift-wrapped my ass as you handed it to me, Scrooge.


Oh, damn. Merry Christmas to me. That simple reply has Post of The Year written all over it for its simplicity, humility, and humor. Very nice, thanks for the laugh!
 
2012-12-23 10:09:04 AM
I've got 99 problems, and Festivus ain't one of them
 
2012-12-23 10:11:15 AM

ajgeek: I hate being 30 and back in college. Nothing reminds you just how much people hate you than know-it-all 18 year olds. Nothing is also quite so humbling as remembering that you were once one of those FREAKS!


Stop whining and drop out!

/or tune in
//or turn on
///or something
 
2012-12-23 10:11:49 AM
GODDAMN CAT JUST PISSED ALL OVER MY SHOES AND SHIAT ON THE FRONT DOOR MAT

Like I don't have enough to farking do today. I get it, you're old, kitteh. But I put a litter box in every farking bathroom! On every farking floor! I switched boxes several times to get the one with the lowest sides and the litter you've always liked. I keep them all really really clean.

IT'S FARTHER TO THE FRONT DOOR THAN IT IS TO THE GODDAMMED LITTERBOX YOU LITTLE...

I put the plastic floor runner, pokey side up, under the shoes (and the tree, and a bunch of other places) It hurts like hell to step on it barefoot, which I have done many times. does that stop you??

NOOOOOOOOOO. You'll take the pain for the opportunity to piss on my shoes!

Welcome to my house. Why yes, we do have cats. Why do you ask?

I love the cat so, so much but holy shiat I can't do the shiat and piss all over...
 
2012-12-23 10:16:16 AM
People that brag they worked 60 hours (or some inflated number) last week. Then later, you find out they did all their online shopping at work. And they called your cousin for a holiday recipe. And they made an appointment with a mechanic to get their car fixed. Etc, etc. etc.

That's not working. That's getting paid to do your basic errands.
 
2012-12-23 10:22:07 AM
How the hell can a ball hit 225 feet away be called an infield fly? Damn umpire.

/Braves fan - still not over it
 
2012-12-23 10:25:55 AM
In the spirit of Festivus, I hope you all hoist that pole right up
 
gja [TotalFark]
2012-12-23 10:28:57 AM
Dear fellow world members:
Please stop:
1. Killing each other over stupid shiat.
2. Stealing each others land/possessions/resources etc...
3. Taking drugs that turn you into azzholes that feel the need to go and do horrific shiat (leading to yet more misery).
4. Allowing your fellow man to starve, freeze/boil to death, die lonely and alone, die without dignity or solace, etc...
5. Being so materialistic (no matter how hard you try, you will leave it all behind and you are dust in the end).
6. Ignoring those around you in pain and suffering. You ARE your brothers keeper. No. REALLY.

This is a start, at least. There is so, so much more though. I hope and pray I live to see the day we as a race "get it" and start fixing our collective shiat.

/fark-on man, fark-on
 
2012-12-23 10:31:04 AM
I want 5G instead of that lame 4G.
 
2012-12-23 10:33:58 AM
Lemme give this a go... *cracks knuckles before typing*

First off. All you Farkers, especially the mods AND Drew: You're cool as shiat on a glacier.

To the "System Admins" that I work for on a daily basis:

Fark you, fark you all sideways with fire hydrants wrapped in Concertina wire.

Telling me to run diagnostics on your server without giving me any useful information will result in nothing. Telling me to do your job for you only says you don't know how to do your job. Know what happens if I don't know how to do my job? I get farking fired.

I wish all you idiots get ignited napalm enemas.

No more will I simply let you remain ignorant. I will lambaste you in the vapid, inane emails you send betraying your ignorance of you key job functions. Pull everyone off the email so it's just you telling me you don't know how? I'll put everyone back on with my lmgtfy response and show your colleagues you're a moron.

I hope you get planar warts and planar fasciitis, and that your mother in laws will describe their ass boils to you in appetite-destroying detail.

My job is to fix the hardware when it breaks, nothing else. It's your job to diagnose the servers, I'm only to do it when your system is so farked you can't remote to it. It's your job to monitor your servers, you can biatch until the cows come home that you have 200 servers to watch, I have 1000's in my location alone. You have monitoring software, hell, your IPMI-compliant management controllers can be set up to send you a damn email through SNMP when they find something's gone wrong, all of it automatic.

I hope midgets punch you in the junk with rusty razor blades.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2012-12-23 10:34:07 AM

wambu: I want 5G instead of that lame 4G.


"How many bloody G's are there?"
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
 
2012-12-23 10:50:17 AM
Tebow
 
2012-12-23 10:51:45 AM
I like the part of the article where she "robotically bleated 'doorway, doorway'". I would pop her for that. Or soda her, either one.
 
2012-12-23 10:56:01 AM
img822.imageshack.us

"Echoing the expressiveness and beauty of one of the animal world's cutest babies, Baby Babu is a lovable orangutan doll sized perfectly to be cuddled and loved! This So Truly Real® simian sweetheart is ready to be cradled in your arms, thanks to the unique artistry of Master Sculptor Simon Laurens. You'll be amazed at how this artist has recreated every realistic feature in this orangutan baby doll, using his sculpting skills and a love of nature to create a masterpiece.

Baby Babu is handcrafted of RealTouch® vinyl to capture every lifelike detail, right down to the folds and creases on hands and feet, with a soft body for many posing options. Little wisps of baby orangutan hair, applied by hand, add to the realism of this adorable orangutan doll. The gentle brown eyes with long lashes seem to say "please pick me up," and who could resist this little one? Baby Babu arrives ready to be pampered in an adorable polka-dot tee shirt and a diaper, and you can even offer this little one its thumb to "suck" if you like! Strong demand is expected for this realistic orangutan baby doll by Simon Laurens. Don't wait; order now!"


I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
 
2012-12-23 10:57:04 AM
Lights are up, hot tea in hand. Cats are running full tilt back and forth across the floor for no particularly good reason. Not a whole lot to complain about. Would prefer clients pay on time instead of making me chase them, but it's up to me to find better clients and cut loose the losers.

Happy Whatever Day!
 
2012-12-23 10:57:15 AM

Shyla: When does the Feats of Strength start?


Stand back, I'm about to do a pushup.
 
2012-12-23 11:02:56 AM

bacchanalias and consequences: I'm an Eagles fan.


Yeah, my mom wants to hang herself, too.
 
2012-12-23 11:11:14 AM
img585.imageshack.us

/one of the best gaming scams in years
//didn't get scammed
///came very close
 
2012-12-23 11:18:10 AM
www.charliekilo.com
 
2012-12-23 11:20:37 AM

windowseat: Here Comes Everybody: I've had a sinus headache for over a week now and am living on Tylenol. My nose is clogged, my mouth is constantly dry, and I can barely taste anything.

You need a neti pot.


Word. Tylenol will shred your liver in the long run.
 
2012-12-23 11:28:29 AM

Im_Gumby: swaniefrmreddeer: Krymson Tyde: swaniefrmreddeer: DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.

I have a problem with people who call pop "soda", they aren't Canadian.

I have a problem with people who call coke soda a pop.

Coke and soda is a cocktail. Coke, soda, and ammonia makes crack.

Coke and Iron Ore makes pig iron


Coke and Rum makes a Cuba Libre. And now for the Feats of Strength!
 
2012-12-23 11:28:36 AM

Hot Carl To Go: My mother just brewed a pot of coffee into the coffee that was left in the pot. This is a new peculiarity to add to the list. It tastes terrible


Your login is officially my favorite on all of Fark right now. I don't know why I'm still giggling about it. I'll air my grievances later, though.
 
2012-12-23 11:28:45 AM
No bagel, no bagel, no bagel!
 
2012-12-23 11:49:04 AM

namegoeshere: Let's see... The MIL decided LAST NIGHT that she couldn't do Christmas Eve, as has been planned since, well, every freakin' year. She invited herself for tonight instead, which means I am now doing three Christmas dinners instead of two. And I have to be ready 24 hours earlier than I thought. So of course, here I am Farking instead of Christmas prepping.


Aaaaand, she called back. And isn't coming tonight. The man-child (live in boyfriend and moocher extrordinaire) apparently has a better offer. So she might maybe show up tomorrow as originally planned. Maybe. Or Christmas at some point. Maybe possibly. Maybe not though. Because the bed-warmer-with-a-heartbeat-and-not-much-else is apparently more important than her children and grandchildren.

I would say fark it and just not worry about her, but she is giving the big gift on which many of the little gifts are based, So she needs to go first. Or else we have to tell them what they are getting from her so they actually have stuff to open on Christmas besides clothes.

The BILs family is also not giving me a straight answer so on both Christmas Eve and Christmas I will have 6 people or 12 people or maybe somewhere in between. Whatever.

I BOUGHT A ROAST DAMMIT

/every
//farking
///year
 
2012-12-23 12:04:07 PM
I just want a job.  And to my former boss:  I really wish that you would adhere to your own policies instead of making stuff up as you go along.   You blamed me for problems that weren't technically my fault.  I relocated from Florida to Pennsylvania to work for you, thinking I'd continue my career with a company I enjoyed working for.  Also, as a manager, you lose the right to complain about problems in the lab when you leave work every day at 2:30 pm.
 
2012-12-23 12:05:05 PM
I'm pissed that my Mom and Dad's liquor cabinet doesn't lock because my cats opened it up and knocked over my bourbon!
 
2012-12-23 12:06:07 PM
I spent an hour last night explaining to my family that we don't plan on having children. Our decision was met with derision and scorn.

/Farking hate the holidays. Xmas can't be over soon enough.
//On the plus side, got my bonus on Friday. Going to buy some useless crap today.
 
2012-12-23 12:14:43 PM
Why isn't it legal for me to ride my motorcycle on the breakdown lane of the freeway? FFS, there is an entire lane unused!
 
2012-12-23 12:18:45 PM
As part of my freshly signed divorce, I owe $48K in alimony. The ex is an attorney too. She's being rewarded for not having the business skills to build a law practice that pays more than she'd get being a McDonald's assistant manager.
 
2012-12-23 12:27:28 PM
I have to work on my vacation. It's been such a clusterfark getting ready to take this time off, I probably won't bother next year.
 
2012-12-23 12:28:51 PM
I hate how some people here expect each post to be perfect prose written to entertain and enlighten. BUT even the smallest mistake should be pointed out and ridiculed AND the poster demeaned. ostracized and shunned.

Punctuation, Learn, how to use it; Dumbass.
 
2012-12-23 12:30:54 PM
I wore a rhinestone jacket to a gay night last night.

Two girls fought over me.

When I was playing that game, they wouldn't have given me the time of day.

//got nothin'
 
2012-12-23 12:32:37 PM

robbrie: As part of my freshly signed divorce, I owe $48K in alimony. The ex is an attorney too. She's being rewarded for not having the business skills to build a law practice that pays more than she'd get being a McDonald's assistant manager.


Your feat of strength should be seeing how much candy you can lift and stick into your mouth this holiday season.

/candy is a stripper
 
2012-12-23 12:32:49 PM
And thusly, Festivus rained supreme. The end
 
2012-12-23 12:39:57 PM
Here we go:

Im farking sick of being torn up. Torn up over my mom having anti-biotic immune pneumonia. Torn up over my friend Vicki getting farking shot in Newtown (yes i actually knew her). Im now torn up my buddys' father went in for a "routine" triple bypass surgery, then they had to do a Quad bypass instead, followed up by complications and the body possibly not accepting the surgery or whatever...

I have no more feels. Ive cried my farking eyes out the last two weeks.

8th-circuit.com


//Grievances man.. i has them.

//happy festivus.. or christmas or whatever the fark you want.
 
2012-12-23 12:46:15 PM

ChrisDe: People that brag they worked 60 hours (or some inflated number) last week. Then later, you find out they did all their online shopping at work. And they called your cousin for a holiday recipe. And they made an appointment with a mechanic to get their car fixed. Etc, etc. etc.

That's not working. That's getting paid to do your basic errands.


I never understood the point of "bragging" how many hours one works. What's so great about being slow and taking a long time to get stuff done?
 
2012-12-23 01:02:39 PM
i1136.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-23 01:11:13 PM

gja: Dear fellow world members:
Please stop:
1. Killing each other over stupid shiat.
2. Stealing each others land/possessions/resources etc...
3. Taking drugs that turn you into azzholes that feel the need to go and do horrific shiat (leading to yet more misery).
4. Allowing your fellow man to starve, freeze/boil to death, die lonely and alone, die without dignity or solace, etc...
5. Being so materialistic (no matter how hard you try, you will leave it all behind and you are dust in the end).
6. Ignoring those around you in pain and suffering. You ARE your brothers keeper. No. REALLY.

This is a start, at least. There is so, so much more though. I hope and pray I live to see the day we as a race "get it" and start fixing our collective shiat.

/fark-on man, fark-on


slowclap.gif
 
2012-12-23 01:11:17 PM

Galileo's Daughter: I just want a job.  And to my former boss:  I really wish that you would adhere to your own policies instead of making stuff up as you go along.   You blamed me for problems that weren't technically my fault.  I relocated from Florida to Pennsylvania to work for you, thinking I'd continue my career with a company I enjoyed working for.  Also, as a manager, you lose the right to complain about problems in the lab when you leave work every day at 2:30 pm.


We might have had the same boss. Did he come in to work at 10:30 hung over?
 
2012-12-23 01:11:51 PM

Krymson Tyde: swaniefrmreddeer: DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.

I have a problem with people who call pop "soda", they aren't Canadian.

I have a problem with people who call coke soda a pop.


It's tonic, damn you all to hell!

/grew up near RI; Father raised there
 
2012-12-23 01:13:57 PM
Happy Festivus:

i117.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-23 01:41:46 PM
sigh, not that anyone will get this far....

I'm tired of being unloved and unwanted, it's been almost two years since anyone's even been nice to me.

/also I cry a lot
//I know, no one cares-that's the problem.
 
2012-12-23 01:41:46 PM
Useless n00b modmins and self-absorbed jackasses that don't realize when I actually troll, I'm making it blatantly obvious and it's not hate speech. If you just don't get where I'm coming from, read my farking profile.
 
2012-12-23 01:44:55 PM
This is the perfect feat of strength.

farm8.staticflickr.com

Mix 'em all together into one glorious cocktail of holiday goodness, and drink it down. If you can accomplish without throwing up, you are crowned the KING OF FESTIVUS!
 
2012-12-23 01:46:55 PM
Dear science people:

It is quite possible for me to both love to do science and also not want to do science every single hour of every day. You keep lamenting that grad students leave tenure tracks early and why can't we keep these bright minds interested in academic careers? Well, maybe you could not set up the system so that I can choose between doing interesting research for less than minimum wage over twelve to fourteen hour days for the next ten years before I might, might, luck out and get tenure; or I can sell out to industry and do boring work for soulless money monkeys but at least I can afford a mortgage and maybe go home and see my kids once in a while.

Thanks,
Chameleon
 
2012-12-23 01:49:57 PM
Wife and I are sick and are staying home this year, not visiting sisters in law an eight hour drive through Chicago away. SIL is freaking the fark out, leaving sobbing messages on voice mail. It's not about you, you crazy woman. And desperation and neediness is not attractive on anyone.

So maybe my grievance has a silver lining, not having to deal face to face with crazy family who only want to see you to buffer you from the other relatives.
 
2012-12-23 01:52:04 PM

BlaqueKatt: sigh, not that anyone will get this far....

I'm tired of being unloved and unwanted, it's been almost two years since anyone's even been nice to me.

/also I cry a lot
//I know, no one cares-that's the problem.


I have you faved in a lovely mauve, so there's that...

Your tag is "Likes cat crossbows."

So (((hug))) and Happy Festivus!
 
2012-12-23 01:52:22 PM
And now for the feats of strength:
i45.tinypic.com
 
2012-12-23 01:52:37 PM

Chameleon: Dear science people:

It is quite possible for me to both love to do science and also not want to do science every single hour of every day. You keep lamenting that grad students leave tenure tracks early and why can't we keep these bright minds interested in academic careers? Well, maybe you could not set up the system so that I can choose between doing interesting research for less than minimum wage over twelve to fourteen hour days for the next ten years before I might, might, luck out and get tenure; or I can sell out to industry and do boring work for soulless money monkeys but at least I can afford a mortgage and maybe go home and see my kids once in a while.

Thanks,
Chameleon


I feel your pain and speak from experience when I say, not all schools will grind you to a fine paste on the track to tenure. The mid-tier-but-still-researchy schools don't require you to spend your life writing grants and publishing (but you do have to publish; at my place it's four halfway decent papers or three plus a grant). Just keep that in mind as you slog your way through grad school (which sucks and always has sucked, BTW!).
 
2012-12-23 02:02:31 PM

b0rscht: Wife and I are sick and are staying home this year, not visiting sisters in law an eight hour drive through Chicago away. SIL is freaking the fark out, leaving sobbing messages on voice mail. It's not about you, you crazy woman. And desperation and neediness is not attractive on anyone.

So maybe my grievance has a silver lining, not having to deal face to face with crazy family who only want to see you to buffer you from the other relatives.


If I were you, I'd plan to be sick next Christmas, too.
 
2012-12-23 02:09:44 PM

namegoeshere: BlaqueKatt: sigh, not that anyone will get this far....

I'm tired of being unloved and unwanted, it's been almost two years since anyone's even been nice to me.

/also I cry a lot
//I know, no one cares-that's the problem.

I have you faved in a lovely mauve, so there's that...

Your tag is "Likes cat crossbows."

So (((hug))) and Happy Festivus!


(((hug))) from me as well.
 
2012-12-23 02:14:11 PM
I'm so sick of spoiler-laden promos for shows I'm about to watch. The show is on in literally two minutes, and I have to change the channel because I don't want the promo to give half the plot away. Or spoil a big reveal. Or a small reveal. Or a great joke. Bottom line, just tell me that the episode is airing in a few minutes and stop giving away all the good stuff.

It's almost as bad as the opening credits for Battlestar Galactica, which would spoil the freaking episode. The worst part was that the creators KNEW people didn't like the spoilers and did it anyway. Were there not enough good clips from previous episodes? Did you HAVE to show us pivotal plot points and freaking give away the story before we got to it. What was wrong with you? No wonder you blew the finale.
 
2012-12-23 02:20:23 PM
So is it in the spirit of Festivus to get a bagel from H&H? Or not? The origin story needs to be clarified for modern Festivus celebrators.

/you've been warned
 
2012-12-23 02:24:14 PM
To G., who pretended to be such a rulebreaker and flouter of conventions, then backed off when it looked like something really special could happen between us.

To R,, who literally who ran out on our date and demonstrated that there is somthing ruder than standing someone up. For anyone who thinks I'm misusing the word, it was our first blind date (I already had a sense he was a sh*t and was actually hoping for a no-show) and we'd agree to go running together. He arrived and I asked if I could stow my backpack in his car. We headed for the car and he said he needed to stop in a cafe to pee. I waited outside and about two minutes later turned around to see him high-tailing it out of the cafe in the opposite direction.
 
2012-12-23 02:34:51 PM

Saberus Terras: namegoeshere: BlaqueKatt: sigh, not that anyone will get this far....

I'm tired of being unloved and unwanted, it's been almost two years since anyone's even been nice to me.

/also I cry a lot
//I know, no one cares-that's the problem.

I have you faved in a lovely mauve, so there's that...

Your tag is "Likes cat crossbows."

So (((hug))) and Happy Festivus!

(((hug))) from me as well.


I will begin with a hug. It will end with... Feats of Strength!
 
2012-12-23 02:51:36 PM
I'll go. So, thank you whatever gods ye be that chose to smite my loyal and reliable Honda 3 days before Thanksgiving with a leaking head gasket that now cannot be replaced nor repaired without the sale of a kidney. Oh, thanks to your bounteous blessings and mercy, I now have to take the bus 2 hours each way to work each day so my 1.5 hour commute has turned into 4. At least I'm getting some reading done. Ok, sarcasm off.

That's about it. Everything else is perfect. I think I may be hard-pressed to find another person with as good, quiet, and as fulfilling of a life as I have truly been blessed with.

I'm getting a new car in January or early February, so...not much to complain about. Life is the best it's been for me. That's not really a Festivus miracle, but an everyday one, I spose.

/Happy Festivus
//too out of shape to compete in the feats of strength. Maybe next year to work out some pent up agression.
///but still, stupid, stupid car. And after everything I did for it. Stupid car.
 
2012-12-23 03:14:34 PM

Landis: Today is the 8th day of a 2-week vacation; the first chunk of time greater than 2 days wrapped around a weekend that I've ever taken off. So, naturally, I was woken up at 8:00 by a phone call from the Tampa office that began with "Yeah, I know you're on vacation and all...". This, coincidentally, is the sixth phone call I've gotten from work since starting the vacation.


Bah! Employed peoples problem!
 
2012-12-23 03:17:04 PM

Nogale: To G., who pretended to be such a rulebreaker and flouter of conventions, then backed off when it looked like something really special could happen between us.

To R,, who literally who ran out on our date and demonstrated that there is somthing ruder than standing someone up. For anyone who thinks I'm misusing the word, it was our first blind date (I already had a sense he was a sh*t and was actually hoping for a no-show) and we'd agree to go running together. He arrived and I asked if I could stow my backpack in his car. We headed for the car and he said he needed to stop in a cafe to pee. I waited outside and about two minutes later turned around to see him high-tailing it out of the cafe in the opposite direction.


www.warningsignshirts.com
 
2012-12-23 03:38:17 PM

Saberus Terras: Lemme give this a go... *cracks knuckles before typing*

First off. All you Farkers, especially the mods AND Drew: You're cool as shiat on a glacier.

To the "System Admins" that I work for on a daily basis:

Fark you, fark you all sideways with fire hydrants wrapped in Concertina wire.

Telling me to run diagnostics on your server without giving me any useful information will result in nothing. Telling me to do your job for you only says you don't know how to do your job. Know what happens if I don't know how to do my job? I get farking fired.

I wish all you idiots get ignited napalm enemas.

No more will I simply let you remain ignorant. I will lambaste you in the vapid, inane emails you send betraying your ignorance of you key job functions. Pull everyone off the email so it's just you telling me you don't know how? I'll put everyone back on with my lmgtfy response and show your colleagues you're a moron.

I hope you get planar warts and planar fasciitis, and that your mother in laws will describe their ass boils to you in appetite-destroying detail.

My job is to fix the hardware when it breaks, nothing else. It's your job to diagnose the servers, I'm only to do it when your system is so farked you can't remote to it. It's your job to monitor your servers, you can biatch until the cows come home that you have 200 servers to watch, I have 1000's in my location alone. You have monitoring software, hell, your IPMI-compliant management controllers can be set up to send you a damn email through SNMP when they find something's gone wrong, all of it automatic.

I hope midgets punch you in the junk with rusty razor blades.


SO. MUCH. THIS.

Had an "admin" modify a GPO on the production domain controller and lock everyone out of RDP last week.

\Fortunately I have console access and know WTF this idiot did.
\\Unfortunately said admin still has domain admin rights.
\\\Fortunately I sent her boss screen grabs of the FUBARed prod domain controller and the working-normally dev domain controller with a note saying "Learn what change management is, and if you don't know group policy, don't touch it.".
\\\\Even their account manager laughed at them for that one.
 
2012-12-23 03:40:39 PM

DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.


It's a regional thing.
 
2012-12-23 03:48:30 PM

Baz the Spaz: My kids all fight with each other and they're all adults. Grow up, damn it! And to my youngest child, the idiot son, who thinks nothing is ever his fault, yes it is your fault. Grow a pair already. And I still love all of you. How does that work?

/Feeling better already.


You should have beat them more.
 
2012-12-23 03:50:46 PM
my neighbor and his redneck friends stand outside in his yard every evening with a beer in hand and stare at my house. EVERY DAMN DAY, I have morons watching me. If I happen to wave, I just get dumb looks.
My house is not interesting. Me taking out the garbage is not interesting. My dog crapping in my yard is not interesting. WHY DO YOU STARE AT ME? Go inside for christs sake and watch tv like everyone else.
 
2012-12-23 03:52:53 PM

tartcake: my neighbor and his redneck friends stand outside in his yard every evening with a beer in hand and stare at my house. EVERY DAMN DAY, I have morons watching me. If I happen to wave, I just get dumb looks.
My house is not interesting. Me taking out the garbage is not interesting. My dog crapping in my yard is not interesting. WHY DO YOU STARE AT ME? Go inside for christs sake and watch tv like everyone else.


How purdy is your mouth, though?
 
2012-12-23 03:53:52 PM

oldweevil: I have a problem with Fark Independents. Just have the balls to admit that you're Republicans. You're so far in the political closet you can see Narnia.


That's because they have a wide stance.
 
2012-12-23 03:54:14 PM

Nogale: To G., who pretended to be such a rulebreaker and flouter of conventions, then backed off when it looked like something really special could happen between us.

To R,, who literally who ran out on our date and demonstrated that there is somthing ruder than standing someone up. For anyone who thinks I'm misusing the word, it was our first blind date (I already had a sense he was a sh*t and was actually hoping for a no-show) and we'd agree to go running together. He arrived and I asked if I could stow my backpack in his car. We headed for the car and he said he needed to stop in a cafe to pee. I waited outside and about two minutes later turned around to see him high-tailing it out of the cafe in the opposite direction.


Oof. Actually running away. A new low.

Sounds you lucked out.
 
2012-12-23 04:03:08 PM

gja: wambu: I want 5G instead of that lame 4G.

"How many bloody G's are there?"
[encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com image 300x168]


At least 5000

/Obscure?
 
2012-12-23 04:04:52 PM

Wool E Mammoth: Saberus Terras: namegoeshere: BlaqueKatt: sigh, not that anyone will get this far....

I'm tired of being unloved and unwanted, it's been almost two years since anyone's even been nice to me.

/also I cry a lot
//I know, no one cares-that's the problem.

I have you faved in a lovely mauve, so there's that...

Your tag is "Likes cat crossbows."

So (((hug))) and Happy Festivus!

(((hug))) from me as well.

I will begin with a hug. It will end with... Feats of Strength!


Ow! Too hard... Can't breathe...

: )
 
2012-12-23 04:08:42 PM
2012 wasn't awesome for me, 2013 better be awesome or I'm going to do something you will all regret!
 
2012-12-23 04:10:21 PM

Landis: SO. MUCH. THIS.

Had an "admin" modify a GPO on the production domain controller and lock everyone out of RDP last week.

\Fortunately I have console access and know WTF this idiot did.
\\Unfortunately said admin still has domain admin rights.
\\\Fortunately I sent her boss screen grabs of the FUBARed prod domain controller and the working-normally dev domain controller with a note saying "Learn what change management is, and if you don't know group policy, don't touch it.".
\\\\Even their account manager laughed at them for that one.


Thank goodness that these morons don't have that kind of rights.The company would be destroyed in minutes if they did.

These idiots once tried to convince their bosses that 10 new servers all had bad hard drives and wanted all 40 drives erased, because when they went to install the OS, they had the following sitting on their consoles:

Please press any key to boot from CD or DVD...
 
2012-12-23 04:13:22 PM

Saberus Terras: Landis: SO. MUCH. THIS.

Had an "admin" modify a GPO on the production domain controller and lock everyone out of RDP last week.

\Fortunately I have console access and know WTF this idiot did.
\\Unfortunately said admin still has domain admin rights.
\\\Fortunately I sent her boss screen grabs of the FUBARed prod domain controller and the working-normally dev domain controller with a note saying "Learn what change management is, and if you don't know group policy, don't touch it.".
\\\\Even their account manager laughed at them for that one.

Thank goodness that these morons don't have that kind of rights.The company would be destroyed in minutes if they did.

These idiots once tried to convince their bosses that 10 new servers all had bad hard drives and wanted all 40 drives erased replaced, because when they went to install the OS, they had the following sitting on their consoles:

Please press any key to boot from CD or DVD...


FTFM
 
2012-12-23 04:13:51 PM

tartcake: my neighbor and his redneck friends stand outside in his yard every evening with a beer in hand and stare at my house. EVERY DAMN DAY, I have morons watching me. If I happen to wave, I just get dumb looks.
My house is not interesting. Me taking out the garbage is not interesting. My dog crapping in my yard is not interesting. WHY DO YOU STARE AT ME? Go inside for christs sake and watch tv like everyone else.


You live across the street from the Hills?
www.tvasylum.com
 
2012-12-23 04:22:33 PM
I bought a really nice peridot for my G/F and took it to a jeweler's to have it mounted a month ago... They promised me that it'd be ready two days ago. Now they're saying it'll be ready two days after Xmas.

Difficulty: I'm leaving for a month-long business trip *one* day after Xmas.
 
2012-12-23 04:30:30 PM
So I'm in the grocery store on an errand to get some wrapping paper (the spouse likes to wait until the last minute so that I have to make 'emergency' trips for her.  Hey sweetie, guess what, the UPS store is closed on Sunday) and there are these two middle-ageish women (mother and daughter would be my guess), walking along side of me, "should we get ... no I don't think ... " if I speed up they speed up, if I slow down they slow down.  Bugged, I turn around and walk the other direction.  Wrapping paper?  Not in the paper aisle.  Seasonal aisle!  Has to be there.  Seasonal is a four-shopping cart wide aisle and yet it is blocked off by a stocker and the only other people in the aisle, yes, the two oblivious middle-ageish women, "those cups are just a shade too pink, don't you think?  I don't know, they are stackable ...".  YARRRGH.

/the Christmas wrap was in the lobby in the front of the store
//I had walked right by it coming in
///will my suffering never end?
 
2012-12-23 04:58:24 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Fuggin Bizzy: DubyaHater: I have a problem with people who call soda "pop". It's lame.

Arm and Hammer makes soda. Coca-Cola makes pop.

"Pop"? Farking heathen.

You might as well call all sodas "Coke".


I call all pops "Coke".
 
gja [TotalFark]
2012-12-23 05:46:46 PM

BlaqueKatt: sigh, not that anyone will get this far....

I'm tired of being unloved and unwanted, it's been almost two years since anyone's even been nice to me.

/also I cry a lot
//I know, no one cares-that's the problem.


So, you peddle your azz around town?
C'mon....laugh. I keed.

You ARE wrong, though. And though it may be an unbelievably unpopular position (at least here-about) my christian teachings help make it just a bit easier to say to you "You are loved, you are wanted, and please don't let this world run you too far down"
How can I, as just another person across the miles, make your day a bit better?
Let me know. I promise to try.
 
2012-12-23 05:47:01 PM
I'm a Bills fan. I'm out of work. I need an operation to fix my back. I'm going deaf. I owe a shiat-ton of money for student loans for a four-year business degree in a down market.

For my feat of strength, I'm going to engage in hand-to-hand combat with as many beers as I can hold.

For my miracle, I will somehow make it home without throwing up in my neighbor's yard (again). For some reason, when I do have to do that on the walk home, it's always at the same place. Nothing personal, man, it's just how it happens.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2012-12-23 05:58:28 PM

gja: BlaqueKatt: sigh, not that anyone will get this far....

I'm tired of being unloved and unwanted, it's been almost two years since anyone's even been nice to me.

/also I cry a lot
//I know, no one cares-that's the problem.

So, you peddle pedal your azz around town? {FTFM, stupid aggressive spell-check, was meant to be a pun}
C'mon....laugh. I keed.

You ARE wrong, though. And though it may be an unbelievably unpopular position (at least here-about) my christian teachings help make it just a bit easier to say to you "You are loved, you are wanted, and please don't let this world run you too far down"
How can I, as just another person across the miles, make your day a bit better?
Let me know. I promise to try.

 
2012-12-23 06:27:56 PM

namegoeshere:
I have you faved in a lovely mauve, so there's that...

Your tag is "Likes cat crossbows."

So (((hug))) and Happy Festivus!


I like Mauve

Saberus Terras:

(((hug))) from me as well.


I like hugs

/resets niceness counter
/yay
 
2012-12-23 06:30:12 PM

Fixxor: Here we go:

Im farking sick of being torn up. Torn up over my mom having anti-biotic immune pneumonia. Torn up over my friend Vicki getting farking shot in Newtown (yes i actually knew her). Im now torn up my buddys' father went in for a "routine" triple bypass surgery, then they had to do a Quad bypass instead, followed up by complications and the body possibly not accepting the surgery or whatever...

I have no more feels. Ive cried my farking eyes out the last two weeks.

[8th-circuit.com image 500x262]


//Grievances man.. i has them.

//happy festivus.. or christmas or whatever the fark you want.


I just realized BlaqueKatt's gettin' all the love here, and you're feeling pretty shiatty too.

Sorry man. C'mere and get in on this group hug. We love you, you wonderful farker, you. Thanks for being.

Sending you all the good thoughts I can for a better 2013. Hang in there. It's gotta get better sometime!
 
2012-12-23 06:43:30 PM

namegoeshere: Fixxor


Thank you guys. Thank you Timelady for the TF subscription!!

ITS A FESTIVUS MIRACLE!
 
2012-12-23 06:49:30 PM
I've had plenty worse than this Xmas. I buried a child the day before Xmas. After that, I can survive anything.

Family I love, good friends, job I adore. Oh yeah constant crippling pain leaving me in a wheelchair is boring but Santa don't bring no spines:) Kids is happy. Bloke is happy. My dad is still alive. I live I'm a pretty good part of the world (Australia), and wonder of wonders, the heat wave has passed. Nice all round.

/ Monday morning here, last of food shopping done. All that is left is to bake gluten free Xmas Pudding Muffins (more popular than regular version due to yummy almond meal). That's it.
// cup of tea and a nap first to recover from shopping - it's a bit bigger with a disability.
/// hugs for all, and for all, a good hug.
 
2012-12-23 06:57:03 PM
Im_Gumby: You live across the street from the Hills?


Apparently so. It is so bad that the second time anyone visits our house they will ask two questions, "are your neighbors always outside?" and "Do they always stare at your house?" I shiat you not.
 
2012-12-23 07:16:48 PM
Time for some sonic warfare: couple of exterior speakers aimed just so playing an ultra-mega mix of Tiffany/Debbie Gibson/Britney Spears/Christina Aguilera/Avril Lavigne/Katy Perry/Carly Rae Jepson's collective greatest hits on random repeat just quiet enough to avoid sound ordinances.

Actually the variety may be to kind to them.

How about Gangnam style on constant repeat?
 
2012-12-23 07:18:59 PM
Saberus Terras: Thank goodness that these morons don't have that kind of rights.The company would be destroyed in minutes if they did.

These idiots once tried to convince their bosses that 10 new servers all had bad hard drives and wanted all 40 drives erased, because when they went to install the OS, they had the following sitting on their consoles:

Please press any key to boot from CD or DVD...

Honestly? I'm not sure if I'd rather they have admin or not. If they didn't, I'd have to create all of their users and handle everything else AD related, but at least they couldn't screw up the servers too much.

But your flock of morons definitely takes the taco.

I'll never understand why people think they don't need to know anything about computers. They work on and around them every day, but it's a magical black box that only nerd-types need to actually know anything. They don't seem to have the same attitude about cars, washing machines, microwaves, or even their damned iPads...

\Sometimes I wonder how they survive.
 
2012-12-23 07:31:32 PM

timelady: I've had plenty worse than this Xmas. I buried a child the day before Xmas. After that, I can survive anything.

Family I love, good friends, job I adore. Oh yeah constant crippling pain leaving me in a wheelchair is boring but Santa don't bring no spines:) Kids is happy. Bloke is happy. My dad is still alive. I live I'm a pretty good part of the world (Australia), and wonder of wonders, the heat wave has passed. Nice all round.

/ Monday morning here, last of food shopping done. All that is left is to bake gluten free Xmas Pudding Muffins (more popular than regular version due to yummy almond meal). That's it.
// cup of tea and a nap first to recover from shopping - it's a bit bigger with a disability.
/// hugs for all, and for all, a good hug.


Ouch, buried my dad on Christmas eve when I was 16, I almost didn't survive that, you are amazingly strong.

And thank you.
 
2012-12-23 09:55:07 PM
I just got over a second round of the 4 day water poops within a month. Now I seem to be coming down with some sort of upper chest congestion/scratchy throat/drippy nose combination.
 
2012-12-23 10:47:05 PM

gja: BlaqueKatt: sigh, not that anyone will get this far....

I'm tired of being unloved and unwanted, it's been almost two years since anyone's even been nice to me.

/also I cry a lot
//I know, no one cares-that's the problem.

So, you peddle your azz around town?
C'mon....laugh. I keed.

You ARE wrong, though. And though it may be an unbelievably unpopular position (at least here-about) my christian teachings help make it just a bit easier to say to you "You are loved, you are wanted, and please don't let this world run you too far down"
How can I, as just another person across the miles, make your day a bit better?
Let me know. I promise to try.


i975.photobucket.com

I can crochet a hat for you...Both of you. I have a @Fark e-mail.... I'll check it for a few days. And references (Farkers) for my work

oh yeah, the Festivus part:
During my 'getting the last minute extras' holiday shopping, these two biddies were lolly-gagging in front of me the entire time. The aisles were skinny, the many carts, wide...no room to turn around. For 20-30 mins I overheard the words "gluten-free" and carbs/sugars/whatnot. I swear, they were reading every label.
As we meandered to the ExpressLane... I had 9 items..they were biatching (loud), how they were in a hurry, and how that "___" store manager needed to open more registers. (11 out of 14 opened. I counted)
//was coming close to coming apart!

i975.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-23 10:57:58 PM
Depression, you suck. Especially when your victim is 46yo and you're making him troll message boards (not fark), causing people to dump "tough love" on him virtual ass which makes him wanna farking self-destruct.

Minneapolis, I want to like you, dammit, but it's just too cold to get out and make you my biatch.

St. Paul, you are easy to get lost in. Can you do anything about it? Do you want to?

Acute bronchitis, are you ever going to fark off and go away? I'm in the grocery this afternoon coughing like a TB patient, which other people hate even worse than I do.
 
2012-12-24 12:36:47 AM
Pacific Northwest, you are beautiful and awesome at times. But most times, you are cold, dreary and soul-sucking. And far from just about everyone I love, while the one person in town I am close to is now trying to distance herself because she feels closer to me (an ex...) than her current, and clearly that's problem between she and I and not she and her girlfriend.

And the boss refuses to even consider time-off requests until February because another employee might get canned, and if I had pre-scheduled time off to go see family that might result in boss having to (gasp! horror!) cover shifts, which would bring about the end times.

And depression in general - fark you!
 
2012-12-24 12:42:05 AM
Everyone at working is going to/threatening to quit or retire because they are sick/are getting sick of the boss-to-be's shiat and his propensity towards hiring his useless friends to fill the upper echelon jobs (when they have an actual job at all--the last friend he hired literally doesn't actually do anything or have a job title, and was not hired with any particular [open! we have at least one!] position in mind) and then saying that we can't afford to give anyone raises for the next few and past few years. It makes me really concerned, because while I enjoy working where I work, I don't see how the hell we're going to stay in business unless he gets his act in gear. It's sad.

/seriously, skateboarding outside while we're busting our asses? Not cool.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2012-12-24 01:00:19 AM
Spinnyr:

I can crochet a hat for you...Both of you. I have a @Fark e-mail.... I'll check it for a few days. And references (Farkers) for my work

oh yeah, the Festivus part:
During my 'getting the last minute extras' holiday shopping, these two biddies were lolly-gagging in front of me the entire time. The aisles were skinny, the many carts, wide...no room to turn around. For 20-30 mins I overheard the words "gluten-free" and carbs/sugars/whatnot. I swear, they were reading every label.
As we meandered to the ExpressLane... I had 9 items..they were biatching (loud), how they were in a hurry, and how that "___" store manager needed to open more registers. (11 out of 14 opened. I counted)
//was coming close to coming apart!


I need nothing. Please, I have far more than I need, a bit more than I want, and obscenely more than I deserve.
The ex-wife is giving me a horrible time, but my daughter is a gem so they far more than offset each other.
And my fiance is at once the anchor keeping me grounded and my own personal set of wings that allow my heart to fly.
I cannot do enough for her (or to her, as the case may be, lol) for the beauty and love she has given me back in my life.
I could biatch ad nauseum about how wild a ride work has been lately, but then my boss and co-workers do so much to make it a great place to be and work.

Instead of doing for me, do something good for one who truly needs it, and remember it was me who asked you do so.
I can think of nothing better. For myself, I am taking advantage of the opportunities to do senselessly good and kind acts as they present themselves.
That is one of the reasons I continue to love this time of year, I get an uncommonly large number of chances to do things to help others in an ever-so-sneaky way (I really dig going to the big box stores and paying off lay-aways and have a network of fellow miscreants who aid and abet this effort by watching for truly worthy cases, God I love it!)
Then there the trick of helping, say, an obviously budget-tight woman who is clearly stressing over the cost of her groceries to load her car, and while she isn't looking throw about $40-50 in one of the bags(hee-hee). This always leaves me smiling.

Oh, and I wish people would be nicer to retail workers. Please, people, know how tough it can be and how badly their bodies probably ache after a single or double shift, and how little their pay is in general. Be nice for pities sake!
I was taught that "there is nothing more important in life than to make another person happy, or to help another in need".
To my death I will honor that lesson, even if it cost me my last cent, my last drop of blood, and the food from my plate.
To do less would be a dishonor and a disappointment to the person who gave me that lesson, and that simply will not be.

It's nearly 1:AM here and time to hit the bed, I am beat. Tomorrow is Christmas eve and I will have many fine cocktails and a spectrum of gastronomic delights laid before me that would have sparked even Karen Carpenters appetite.
If any fellow Farker is on Long Island, or merely WANTS to be for whatever reason, there is always a place at the table open and a spot on the couch to rest afterwards. And I am not kidding, you are welcome 1 or many.
 
2012-12-24 03:10:50 AM
The clutch on car #1 is out - out like sitting on the floor of my buddy's shop, because I'm too poor to have a professional do it, so it's on me, but apparently I don't know how to replace the motherf*cker without destroying two undeserving slave cylinders first.

The serpentine belt on car #2 snapped before my eyes in the Macy's parking lot. Much easier fix, but came close to losing an eye.

And because my mother insists that I go in to Oregon to make an epic liquor run for her before driving three hours north, I have to wait until after the actual holiday to afford buying my boyfriend the tortoise we've always dreamed of naming Morbo and training to serve cocktails.
 
2012-12-24 04:33:33 AM

BlaqueKatt: timelady: I've had plenty worse than this Xmas. I buried a child the day before Xmas. After that, I can survive anything.

Family I love, good friends, job I adore. Oh yeah constant crippling pain leaving me in a wheelchair is boring but Santa don't bring no spines:) Kids is happy. Bloke is happy. My dad is still alive. I live I'm a pretty good part of the world (Australia), and wonder of wonders, the heat wave has passed. Nice all round.

/ Monday morning here, last of food shopping done. All that is left is to bake gluten free Xmas Pudding Muffins (more popular than regular version due to yummy almond meal). That's it.
// cup of tea and a nap first to recover from shopping - it's a bit bigger with a disability.
/// hugs for all, and for all, a good hug.

Ouch, buried my dad on Christmas eve when I was 16, I almost didn't survive that, you are amazingly strong.

And thank you.


we are as strong as we need to be - I had other children needing mummy to give them a happy Xmas. But to this day, I don't know how I made it through either. Left foot, right foot, I suspect.

And I just wanted to let you k ow you were cared for - Farkers care for each other. Isn't much, but sometimes a token is enough to keepyou going:)

/there is no such thing as a problem for you without a gift in its hands.
// the hard bit is finding the gift - damn well hidden, all too often.
 
2012-12-24 07:30:14 AM

i upped my meds-up yours: Depression, you suck. Especially when your victim is 46yo and you're making him troll message boards (not fark), causing people to dump "tough love" on him virtual ass which makes him wanna farking self-destruct.

Minneapolis, I want to like you, dammit, but it's just too cold to get out and make you my biatch.

St. Paul, you are easy to get lost in. Can you do anything about it? Do you want to?

Acute bronchitis, are you ever going to fark off and go away? I'm in the grocery this afternoon coughing like a TB patient, which other people hate even worse than I do.


Depression sucks no matter what your age, eip, I have friends in the cities, and will likely be visiting more often.
 
2012-12-24 08:38:45 AM
My grievances:

I despise Seth McFarlane. He is the epitome of what is wrong with white people in general and white men in particular.

I'm tired of the one minority hanging with a bunch of white people on TV. Stop doing this already. I've been watching Me-TV and you think they'd come up with something better since 1950.

My main grievance is with myself. I have entirely too much crap and I'm not working hard enough to get rid of it. Come Spring, I'm going to have a free yard sale and just give stuff away.
 
2012-12-24 09:18:40 AM
Hang in there everyone... my Depression hit a new low just yesterday but life goes on. We still have each other :-)

Christmas hugs for all/
KCCO//
 
2012-12-24 09:48:56 AM

Saberus Terras: namegoeshere: BlaqueKatt: sigh, not that anyone will get this far....

I'm tired of being unloved and unwanted, it's been almost two years since anyone's even been nice to me.

/also I cry a lot
//I know, no one cares-that's the problem.

I have you faved in a lovely mauve, so there's that...

Your tag is "Likes cat crossbows."

So (((hug))) and Happy Festivus!

(((hug))) from me as well.


What the heck, ((((hug)))) for all of!
 
2012-12-24 10:53:25 AM

Hermione_Granger: My grievances:

I despise Seth McFarlane. He is the epitome of what is wrong with white people in general and white men in particular.

I'm tired of the one minority hanging with a bunch of white people on TV. Stop doing this already. I've been watching Me-TV and you think they'd come up with something better since 1950.

My main grievance is with myself. I have entirely too much crap and I'm not working hard enough to get rid of it. Come Spring, I'm going to have a free yard sale and just give stuff away.


Whaaaa???? Don't hang his shiz on me. The guy is a D-Bag for sure, but that is no reason to get all "Screw everyone in Race X".
 
2012-12-24 11:58:53 AM
My grievances: better late than never....

To my older brother: stop complaining so damn much.

To my younger brother: stop complaining about having to work for a living, you're a man & you have balls.

To my God-sister: we both know you are using your 'boyfriend,' I just thought you was better than that.

To my God-sister's sister: You're a 38 year old ungrateful piece of shiat and a drain on your family and society. You're horrible with money so you have to resort to begging for handouts from your parents. Your sister let you move in rent free and gave you free food. Only thing she asked in return was, clean up after yourself and don't talk so damn loud. But you couldn't do it. Your arrogance and ignorance got your dumbass kicked out within months and sleeping on my couch like I predicted. I'm just fortunate you had moved out and set someone else's house on fire. The only thing you've accomplished in life is learning how to play the victim.

To my job: Stop pointing out record breaking stats, then make excuses why you can't pay more.

To my neighbors: you two have bought 2 new cars, yet can't seem to buy a farkin trashcan. Every Thursday night you assholes put your trash out on the curb and it's Thanksgiving dinner for the dogs and cats and racoons that live in the woods behind us. Aren't you tired of being out there every Sunday afternoon scooping up the trash?!

To the asshole at the gym that wasted no time pissing all over the toilet seat once maintenance had fixed the toilet: I will find you and I will end you.

Happy Festivus!!
 
2012-12-24 12:42:12 PM
Is Festivus online the time and place to ritually air my grievances? I thought I had to row out to the Mexican Island of the Dolls Hanging From Trees and whisper my grievances to the headless models Mattel no longer makes.
 
2012-12-24 12:43:29 PM

cousndick: My grievances: better late than never....

To my older brother: stop complaining so damn much.

To my younger brother: stop complaining about having to work for a living, you're a man & you have balls.

To my God-sister: we both know you are using your 'boyfriend,' I just thought you was better than that.

To my God-sister's sister: You're a 38 year old ungrateful piece of shiat and a drain on your family and society. You're horrible with money so you have to resort to begging for handouts from your parents. Your sister let you move in rent free and gave you free food. Only thing she asked in return was, clean up after yourself and don't talk so damn loud. But you couldn't do it. Your arrogance and ignorance got your dumbass kicked out within months and sleeping on my couch like I predicted. I'm just fortunate you had moved out and set someone else's house on fire. The only thing you've accomplished in life is learning how to play the victim.

To my job: Stop pointing out record breaking stats, then make excuses why you can't pay more.

To my neighbors: you two have bought 2 new cars, yet can't seem to buy a farkin trashcan. Every Thursday night you assholes put your trash out on the curb and it's Thanksgiving dinner for the dogs and cats and racoons that live in the woods behind us. Aren't you tired of being out there every Sunday afternoon scooping up the trash?!

To the asshole at the gym that wasted no time pissing all over the toilet seat once maintenance had fixed the toilet: I will find you and I will end you.

Happy Festivus!!


You, sir, have captured the true spirit of Festivus! I salute you! Now, let's see how you do at the Feats of Strength...
 
2012-12-24 12:45:43 PM

Overman: Married, building a life with someone, spent the year renovating together this old flat we bought in paris. Also managed to fall in love with a co-worker.

Last week I found out that my partner wants to move back to our home country, and that the said co-worker has been banging some other guy from work since summer.

So fark you christmas.


You don't know that people in Paris fark around? Why not wish for a sense of intuition? Or allow yourself to stereotype people just a little bit?

Oh, and you're either a hypocrite or trolling.
 
2012-12-24 12:52:58 PM

Giblet: DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: I usually have no problems making up my mind but i suck at cars.

i can't figure out if I want to get a (diesel) Jetta sportswagen TDI, a (diesel) Audi A3 TDI or a Ford C-max Energi plug-in hybrid. I'm not environmentally conscious, just prefer not to visit the gas station so often.

I have two old old cars and I have to make a decision before Jan 1. And go deeper in debt, blah.

If your "old" cars work, and if you'd have to get a loan to buy a new one, why would you buy a new car?

Did you fail math, or did you just upgrade from an iPhone 4s to an iPhone 5?


Why do you hate our consumerist American way of life, Trotsky?
 
2012-12-24 01:01:24 PM

Nogale: To G., who pretended to be such a rulebreaker and flouter of conventions, then backed off when it looked like something really special could happen between us.

To R,, who literally who ran out on our date and demonstrated that there is somthing ruder than standing someone up. For anyone who thinks I'm misusing the word, it was our first blind date (I already had a sense he was a sh*t and was actually hoping for a no-show) and we'd agree to go running together. He arrived and I asked if I could stow my backpack in his car. We headed for the car and he said he needed to stop in a cafe to pee. I waited outside and about two minutes later turned around to see him high-tailing it out of the cafe in the opposite direction.


Taylor Swift?
 
2012-12-24 02:36:25 PM
Aaaaaaaand... the inlaws blew us off completely. All of them.

WTF? Christmas is not really a "show up if I feel like it" event. Is it? Especially when there are kids involved. I don't care if you come here or have a better offer. But don't tell me you're coming so that I plan for you and then call an hour before you're supposed to be here and bail. I went through a lot of trouble, dammit. I have a fark ton of food.

You know what? Whatever. You know what I want for Christmas? Farkitol.

And the cat pissed on the mat again.
 
2012-12-24 03:37:37 PM
My grandmother got me a "Happy Holidays" mat for Christmas.
 
2012-12-24 05:27:42 PM

namegoeshere: Aaaaaaaand... the inlaws blew us off completely. All of them.

WTF? Christmas is not really a "show up if I feel like it" event. Is it? Especially when there are kids involved. I don't care if you come here or have a better offer. But don't tell me you're coming so that I plan for you and then call an hour before you're supposed to be here and bail. I went through a lot of trouble, dammit. I have a fark ton of food.

You know what? Whatever. You know what I want for Christmas? Farkitol.

And the cat pissed on the mat again.


Ouch. Know what? Next year have a massive feast... then cancel. Call them up and say, "Hey remember last year? How's it feel, farkers?"
 
2012-12-24 11:34:56 PM
I love you guys.
 
2012-12-25 08:19:28 AM
My grievance is Atomic Fireballs. When I was a boy, you were SCARED to pop one of those little bastards in your mouth. They were hot and spicy, dammit. Now they are just mildly spicy with mostly too much cinamon flavor. Yes, even atomic fireballs are PC wimp outs.
 
2012-12-25 11:36:48 AM
NCg8r 2012-12-24 10:53:25 AM

Hermione_Granger: My grievances:

I despise Seth McFarlane. He is the epitome of what is wrong with white people in general and white men in particular.

I'm tired of the one minority hanging with a bunch of white people on TV. Stop doing this already. I've been watching Me-TV and you think they'd come up with something better since 1950.

My main grievance is with myself. I have entirely too much crap and I'm not working hard enough to get rid of it. Come Spring, I'm going to have a free yard sale and just give stuff away.

Whaaaa???? Don't hang his shiz on me. The guy is a D-Bag for sure, but that is no reason to get all "Screw everyone in Race X".


You misunderstood me. I didn't say "Screw everyone in Race X." Think of what I said as the opposite of "everything that is cool about white people". There are lots of cool things about white people but there is a lot of dysfunction in the white community. Seth McFarlane, to me, epitomizes white dysfunction, hence, everything I dislike about white folks, I find represented by his brand of (non) humor.
 
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