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(RamblingBeachCat.com)   The 10 worst gifts you can get your child this Christmas (besides a Total Fark membership)   (ramblingbeachcat.com) divider line 40
    More: Amusing, christmas, Words With Friends, Santa Clause, FAO Schwartz, cash registers, St. Nicholas, Golden Arches, gender identity disorder  
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22881 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Dec 2012 at 11:48 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-12-23 09:10:29 AM  
4 votes:
I fully intend to get my son a TF membership when he's ready to take an Intro to Logic course. Why bother searching for examples when I have the full gamut of moron - from Birther to Truther to aliens-are-invading amd everything in between - begging me to read not only their 'important news', but all their wonderfully researched and thought out views on the subject
2012-12-23 12:20:27 PM  
3 votes:
This is all wrong ! Everyone knows that the register at McDonalds has pictures of the food, not numbers on the keys.
2.bp.blogspot.com
2012-12-23 09:02:51 PM  
2 votes:
WTF? This is awesome.
2.bp.blogspot.com
2012-12-23 01:33:52 PM  
2 votes:

Nickster79: The My Little Pony Killer: Farnn: Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.

But they do, as well as toys that are designed to make huge messes.

/guess which types of toys I got my nephews this year?
//:D

You are an evil and brilliant person


The icing on the cake?  I also got refills for the messy gift.
2012-12-23 01:11:04 PM  
2 votes:

WhippingBoy: So uh... how uh... hard does that... uh... breast-feeding doll actually suck? My uh... friend want's to know...


He want is to know?
He has is to know?
2012-12-23 12:30:21 PM  
2 votes:
Is it a sign that I'm getting old that I don't understand the pull of "Words with Friends". It's just jazzed up Scrabble.

\used to be with it
\\then they changed what it was
\\\now what's it seems weird and scary to me
2012-12-23 12:20:00 PM  
2 votes:
www.adweek.com

"What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs
Rolls over your neighbor's dog?
What's great for a snack and fits on your back?
It's Log, Log, Log!

It's Log, Log, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood.
It's Log, Log, it's better than bad, it's good!
Everyone wants a log! You're gonna love it, Log!
Come on and get your log! Everyone needs a Log!"
2012-12-23 12:14:22 PM  
2 votes:
i471.photobucket.com
2012-12-23 11:56:20 AM  
2 votes:
img651.imageshack.us
2012-12-23 10:37:37 PM  
1 votes:

DaCaptain19: I loved the video - what a great reminder that most parents suck-ass when it comes to child-rearing.

I'm sorry...should have said ALL parents suck at child-rearing.


Well, your parents certainly sucked. The least they could have done was teach you how to troll.
2012-12-23 10:32:22 PM  
1 votes:

DaCaptain19: I loved the video - what a great reminder that most parents suck-ass when it comes to child-rearing.

I'm sorry...should have said ALL parents suck at child-rearing.

Mommy is there forcing the kid to "enjoy" something she bought (and therefore is emotionally invested in) while the shrieking snowflake is grossed out.

Breeders..you're all breeders. Anyone with kids ought to be ashamed of themselves. Thank "god" that sometimes these "future f*cktards" get themselves thinned out. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about and f*ck you.

/Hitler was probably a cute baby, himself. And if someone had killed baby Adolf, THAT person would be the bad guy.


Too bad the thinning out missed you.
2012-12-23 07:44:00 PM  
1 votes:
I would love to know what toys the author of TFA (whom I strongly suspect of being a hipster) would consider appropriate for small children.
2012-12-23 07:39:44 PM  
1 votes:
fark that list. I bought my 2 year old son that very dyson and he loves it.
2012-12-23 04:58:45 PM  
1 votes:

Farnn: That wood pounding rack looks like the type of toy kids would love and parents would hate that you got it for their kid. Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.


Honestly, they don't make that much noise when kids of the appropriate age play with them. And by that point you're just so glad the kid isn't screaming that hammering is a welcome break.
2012-12-23 03:45:26 PM  
1 votes:

Great Janitor: I always wonderednwhynparents bought fake cleaning stuff for kids and not real cleaning stuff for kids


This is the kind of thinking that has me wanting to buy a cheap limo when the first kid gets his driver's license.
"So you want a car, son? Here you go. Now: TO THE BAR!"

That is to say, brilliant thinking.
2012-12-23 03:41:48 PM  
1 votes:

JonnyG: OK, so I am just getting past the stage, but I've watched a LOT of toddler shows in the past 4 years with my son. I've gotta say that "In the night garden" is one farked up kids show. It's much more creepy and bizarre than that doll.


Is it as screwed up as Vegetable Soup? Because that was the show that David Lynch'd my childhood....

I'm all for giving kids the fake McDonalds food/cash register toys. After all, those will be the only kinds of jobs available for them by the time they grow up. Why not train them as early as possible so they can get a leg up on the competition?
2012-12-23 03:17:17 PM  
1 votes:
I would have loved to get dinosaur poop when I was ten.
2012-12-23 03:13:22 PM  
1 votes:
upload.wikimedia.org
2012-12-23 02:47:48 PM  
1 votes:

dstanley: For Christmas one year I got this big box that I was all excited to open. There were two pillows in it.

What farking parent buys *pillows* for their kid's present?

/still pissed off


A - Parents who can't afford anything better
B - Parents of a kid who has been a little snot, and the crap present is a not-so-subtle way of reminding their kid that life ain't a free ride, and actions have consequences.

Given your bitterness, I'm going with B
2012-12-23 02:37:32 PM  
1 votes:
I'd like to thank whoever it was that gifted ME with total Fark this morning. Not sure what I said or did, but it"s very appreciated :)
2012-12-23 02:21:16 PM  
1 votes:
How about a doll that you give up for adoption?  Comes with paperwork, paste on scars, crack baby itching powder.

Subliminal message, "Watch your ass, or this is your fate"
2012-12-23 01:58:51 PM  
1 votes:
A children's bible. At least, the one that my grandfather got me. The one that had the story in it about Bethseba. And others. And I was eight or something. I remember thinking: I shouldn't be reading this. This is not a story for children.
2012-12-23 01:46:15 PM  
1 votes:

NeoCortex42: How is Zynga actually allowed to make a board game version of Words with Friends? The only difference between it and Scrabble is the location of the bonus squares.


Near as I can tell Hasbro started a partnership with Zynga. Smart move, because profits from both Scrabble and Words with Friends go to them.
2012-12-23 01:45:25 PM  
1 votes:
"You shoot 26 people, kid!"

i48.tinypic.com

/Too soon?
2012-12-23 01:05:13 PM  
1 votes:

thornhill: More_Like_A_Stain: thornhill: The video of the girl refusing to change the diaper on the pooping doll is hysterical, if not a bit inappropriate.

There have been dolls that wet their pants for many years. Nothing new there. But I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during the committee meeting where it was decided that in order to gain some level of competitive edge, what was required was a doll that shiats itself.

Clearly you didn't watch the video. The doll is not the issue


I did watch the video. I felt sorry for the little girl. This will likely not be the last time that she will get exactly what she wanted, and will want no part of it. It's both disturbing and amusing. And absolutely irrelevant to the image of a bunch of executives sitting in a room discussing the merits of a doll that shiats itself. Flip charts on tripods. Stacks of paper containing cost projections. Product safety testing results. Focus group polling data. Should it have an audio component, or should it shiat silently. This is the kind of thing that would make a great SNL sketch simply for the absurdity of it all. Yet the very fact that the product exists is proof positive that this discussion happened in all of it's ridiculousness. And they even went so far as to design packaging for replacement poo.
M-G
2012-12-23 12:56:40 PM  
1 votes:
The wooden hammer set is great for toddlers, and the kids love playing with the fake food. Normally his stuff is pretty funny, but this was a fail.
2012-12-23 12:55:23 PM  
1 votes:
The comments on the Amazon site for the breastfeeding doll are just all kinds of entertaining.

The way the toy works is this: when you put the supplied "bra" on & put the doll to the flower nipple, the doll makes sucking noises & movements which provide direct stimulation to the nipples. To me, it wasn't a pleasant sensation, and for the life of me, I cannot fathom why ANYONE with a brain would think electronic stimulation of children's nipples would be a healthy thing!

data.whicdn.com
2012-12-23 12:50:48 PM  
1 votes:
 FTA: "When I set out to compile assortment of terrible toys, many of the "worst of" lists I found on the internet were made based off of the fact that the toy was simply too dangerous."

My favorite dangerous toy as a child:

i.imgur.com
2012-12-23 12:45:07 PM  
1 votes:

foo monkey: Awful blog, but the baby alive video is worth a watch.


That'd be a great gift for the kid who wants a real baby a bit too much. That logic can and does get stuck in a brain, I know of towns in the US where teen pregancy is actually a positive status symbol. farking disturbing.

Want to disrupt that? Shock the shiat out of them with realistic poo-doll when they're just beginning to form such romantic notions.

Sure, it's not enjoyable, its not supposed to be, it's a life lesson.

Fat-D: As much as I dislike eating McDonalds.....They look like good sets for kids who like to PRETEND to do things....like have a picnic.


This, and the others.

The Tea Party (non-politard) is an almost ancient tradition for kids. Fake food, empty cups, etc.

What better to clean up the kids room than with the fun kiddy-fied cleaning kit?

Everything from this section is not glamourously fun, no, but it can be mildly entertaining and educational. Manners and knowledge of cleaning are not bad things.

I think the article writer is a bit of a clueless douche.
/understatement
2012-12-23 12:14:13 PM  
1 votes:
The author clearly doesn't have kids, or doesn't find himself around kids. I have no kids of my own, but plenty of my friends and family do, and I can say with 100% certainly that kids would love some of those toys.

/the number of fake plastic 'sandwiches' I've been served by toddlers is absurd.
//kids are really obsessed with fake food.
2012-12-23 12:09:40 PM  
1 votes:
Sounds like author of article doesn't have kids. Kids love playing with fake food.
2012-12-23 12:08:41 PM  
1 votes:
So uh... how uh... hard does that... uh... breast-feeding doll actually suck? My uh... friend want's to know...
2012-12-23 12:06:44 PM  
1 votes:
How is Zynga actually allowed to make a board game version of Words with Friends? The only difference between it and Scrabble is the location of the bonus squares.
2012-12-23 12:02:01 PM  
1 votes:
My 3yo was laying on top of me squealing in delight at those toys.
2012-12-23 12:00:40 PM  
1 votes:
I'm not normally one to complain about the article, but that really read like someone was trying to imitate Seanbaby in his prime, and failing terribly. Even the Cracked articles usually aren't that bad. The list wasn't even very interesting, as it fails to contain entries like the 1950s' "Li'l' Nuclear Physicist Kit with REAL NUCLEAR MATERIAL".

The last entry was a bit eyebrow-raising, however; baby toys usually don't so directly reference the physiological processes. Interesting.
2012-12-23 11:57:20 AM  
1 votes:
I would be very happy with a TotalFark membership for Christmas, personally.
2012-12-23 11:56:27 AM  
1 votes:
As much as I dislike eating McDonalds.....They look like good sets for kids who like to PRETEND to do things....like have a picnic.
2012-12-23 10:26:09 AM  
1 votes:
www.invitations4less.com
2012-12-23 09:58:59 AM  
1 votes:
ecx.images-amazon.com
2012-12-23 01:05:25 AM  
1 votes:
I had a Little Helper when I was a wee little one.  I liked watching the balls inside it pop around.
 
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