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(RamblingBeachCat.com)   The 10 worst gifts you can get your child this Christmas (besides a Total Fark membership)   (ramblingbeachcat.com) divider line 114
    More: Amusing, christmas, Words With Friends, Santa Clause, FAO Schwartz, cash registers, St. Nicholas, Golden Arches, gender identity disorder  
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22897 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Dec 2012 at 11:48 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



114 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-12-23 01:05:13 PM  

thornhill: More_Like_A_Stain: thornhill: The video of the girl refusing to change the diaper on the pooping doll is hysterical, if not a bit inappropriate.

There have been dolls that wet their pants for many years. Nothing new there. But I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during the committee meeting where it was decided that in order to gain some level of competitive edge, what was required was a doll that shiats itself.

Clearly you didn't watch the video. The doll is not the issue


I did watch the video. I felt sorry for the little girl. This will likely not be the last time that she will get exactly what she wanted, and will want no part of it. It's both disturbing and amusing. And absolutely irrelevant to the image of a bunch of executives sitting in a room discussing the merits of a doll that shiats itself. Flip charts on tripods. Stacks of paper containing cost projections. Product safety testing results. Focus group polling data. Should it have an audio component, or should it shiat silently. This is the kind of thing that would make a great SNL sketch simply for the absurdity of it all. Yet the very fact that the product exists is proof positive that this discussion happened in all of it's ridiculousness. And they even went so far as to design packaging for replacement poo.
 
2012-12-23 01:08:10 PM  

M-G: The wooden hammer set is great for toddlers


It teaches eye-hand coordination. Otherwise known as how to not hit your thumb with the hammer.
 
2012-12-23 01:08:33 PM  
OK, so I am just getting past the stage, but I've watched a LOT of toddler shows in the past 4 years with my son. I've gotta say that "In the night garden" is one farked up kids show. It's much more creepy and bizarre than that doll.
 
2012-12-23 01:11:04 PM  

WhippingBoy: So uh... how uh... hard does that... uh... breast-feeding doll actually suck? My uh... friend want's to know...


He want is to know?
He has is to know?
 
2012-12-23 01:16:20 PM  

Farnn: Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.


But they do, as well as toys that are designed to make huge messes.

/guess which types of toys I got my nephews this year?
//:D
 
2012-12-23 01:17:40 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: Farnn: Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.

But they do, as well as toys that are designed to make huge messes.

/guess which types of toys I got my nephews this year?
//:D


You are an evil and brilliant person
 
2012-12-23 01:18:35 PM  

Ikam: The author clearly doesn't have kids, or doesn't find himself around kids. I have no kids of my own, but plenty of my friends and family do, and I can say with 100% certainly that kids would love some of those toys.

/the number of fake plastic 'sandwiches' I've been served by toddlers is absurd.
//kids are really obsessed with fake food.


omeganuepsilon: The Tea Party (non-politard) is an almost ancient tradition for kids. Fake food, empty cups, etc.

What better to clean up the kids room than with the fun kiddy-fied cleaning kit?


This that and there.


tiamet4: Is it a sign that I'm getting old that I don't understand the pull of "Words with Friends". It's just jazzed up Scrabble.

\used to be with it
\\then they changed what it was
\\\now what's it seems weird and scary to me


My mother is/was a long time scrabble player....She is addicted to the FB version of Words with Friends....I see some of her friends playing it that are in the 60s-80s range.
 
2012-12-23 01:19:20 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: Farnn: Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.

But they do, as well as toys that are designed to make huge messes.

/guess which types of toys I got my nephews this year?
//:D


Drums? It's a shame that carbide cannons aren't sold anymore. Those things could make noise. Big noise.
 
2012-12-23 01:33:52 PM  

Nickster79: The My Little Pony Killer: Farnn: Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.

But they do, as well as toys that are designed to make huge messes.

/guess which types of toys I got my nephews this year?
//:D

You are an evil and brilliant person


The icing on the cake?  I also got refills for the messy gift.
 
2012-12-23 01:44:23 PM  
The Mom in the video threatened to call the authorities if her three year old didn't clean up her doll's poop. What kind of sick fark would do that
 
2012-12-23 01:45:25 PM  
"You shoot 26 people, kid!"

i48.tinypic.com

/Too soon?
 
2012-12-23 01:46:15 PM  

NeoCortex42: How is Zynga actually allowed to make a board game version of Words with Friends? The only difference between it and Scrabble is the location of the bonus squares.


Near as I can tell Hasbro started a partnership with Zynga. Smart move, because profits from both Scrabble and Words with Friends go to them.
 
2012-12-23 01:54:09 PM  

Farnn: That wood pounding rack looks like the type of toy kids would love and parents would hate that you got it for their kid. Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.


Plus the kid might get "creative" and start to apply the hammer to other things like flower pots, pets, furniture and siblings...
 
2012-12-23 01:56:44 PM  

smask: Farnn: That wood pounding rack looks like the type of toy kids would love and parents would hate that you got it for their kid. Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.

Plus the kid might get "creative" and start to apply the hammer to other things like flower pots, pets, furniture and siblings...


Dad's crotch...
 
2012-12-23 01:57:32 PM  
The pounding bench has been around for years. Other than the noise factor, it will keep a 2-3 year old occupied until they actually hit their hands.
 
2012-12-23 01:58:51 PM  
A children's bible. At least, the one that my grandfather got me. The one that had the story in it about Bethseba. And others. And I was eight or something. I remember thinking: I shouldn't be reading this. This is not a story for children.
 
2012-12-23 02:09:55 PM  

stratagos: I fully intend to get my son a TF membership when he's ready to take an Intro to Logic course. Why bother searching for examples when I have the full gamut of moron - from Birther to Truther to aliens-are-invading amd everything in between - begging me to read not only their 'important news', but all their wonderfully researched and thought out views on the subject


The Intro to Logic course on CourseRA was pretty good :)
 
2012-12-23 02:15:09 PM  
Author clearly does not have kids. the pounding bench is very popular with little ones who can whack the shiat out of it with a hammer, and if he had seen In The Night Garden he would know that kids love Upsy Daisy.
 
2012-12-23 02:21:16 PM  
How about a doll that you give up for adoption?  Comes with paperwork, paste on scars, crack baby itching powder.

Subliminal message, "Watch your ass, or this is your fate"
 
2012-12-23 02:31:00 PM  
For Christmas one year I got this big box that I was all excited to open. There were two pillows in it.

What farking parent buys *pillows* for their kid's present?

/still pissed off
 
2012-12-23 02:32:46 PM  

foo monkey: Awful blog, but the baby alive video is worth a watch.


This is a case for CPS, the kids hair was a mess!
 
2012-12-23 02:32:49 PM  

WhippingBoy: So uh... how uh... hard does that... uh... breast-feeding doll actually suck? My uh... friend want's to know...


And how wide can it's widdle mouth open?

/My friend, who happens to be a bald, one-eyed midget is curious.
 
2012-12-23 02:34:02 PM  
For the little ones:
img442.imageshack.us
 
2012-12-23 02:37:32 PM  
I'd like to thank whoever it was that gifted ME with total Fark this morning. Not sure what I said or did, but it"s very appreciated :)
 
2012-12-23 02:42:59 PM  

skinink: [img651.imageshack.us image 800x461]


NOT IN MY NEIGHBORHOOOOOD....
 
2012-12-23 02:43:16 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: I had a Little Helper when I was a wee little one.  I liked watching the balls inside it pop around.


I had a toy vacuum cleaner when I was a kid that took batteries and actually sucked small bits of dirt up. I liked it. I also had a broom and dustpan. These days I hate to clean.. go figure..
 
2012-12-23 02:47:48 PM  

dstanley: For Christmas one year I got this big box that I was all excited to open. There were two pillows in it.

What farking parent buys *pillows* for their kid's present?

/still pissed off


A - Parents who can't afford anything better
B - Parents of a kid who has been a little snot, and the crap present is a not-so-subtle way of reminding their kid that life ain't a free ride, and actions have consequences.

Given your bitterness, I'm going with B
 
2012-12-23 02:55:58 PM  

Cast: [zioneocon.blogspot.com image 276x377]

/hotlink from a jewish blog....


Is the Yamulka bullet proof too? Looks like he needs the bulletproof clip board and backpack to complete his outfit.
 
2012-12-23 02:57:42 PM  

Farnn: That wood pounding rack looks like the type of toy kids would love and parents would hate that you got it for their kid. Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.


Hungry Hungry Hippos!
 
2012-12-23 03:04:07 PM  

Medic Zero: Farnn: That wood pounding rack looks like the type of toy kids would love and parents would hate that you got it for their kid. Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.

Hungry Hungry Hippos!


...or you could go with Zynga's Farmville knock off of Hungry Hungry Hippos

www.blogcdn.com
 
2012-12-23 03:08:38 PM  

hundreddollarman: "You shoot 26 people, kid!"

[i48.tinypic.com image 512x317]

/Too soon?


Naw, that's brilliant!

/ To be fair, I think it is never too soon.
 
2012-12-23 03:13:22 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-12-23 03:16:51 PM  

Nickster79: Medic Zero: Farnn: That wood pounding rack looks like the type of toy kids would love and parents would hate that you got it for their kid. Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.

Hungry Hungry Hippos!

...or you could go with Zynga's Farmville knock off of Hungry Hungry Hippos

[www.blogcdn.com image 490x252]


Lame. Classic HHH FTW!

We loved that game growing up. Never got sick of it, because we never got to play it very long before the parents nixed it because of the noise. My sister won big points from me when she actually bought it for her kids a few years ago.
 
2012-12-23 03:17:17 PM  
I would have loved to get dinosaur poop when I was ten.
 
2012-12-23 03:25:38 PM  

Farnn: That wood pounding rack looks like the type of toy kids would love and parents would hate that you got it for their kid. Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.


I made the mistake of buying a noise toy for a friend before I had kids. Paybacks can be a biatch and end up in a war. Many years were spent buying the most obnoxious toys for each others kids for a few years.

Soooo much fun....
 
2012-12-23 03:27:32 PM  

NeoCortex42: How is Zynga actually allowed to make a board game version of Words with Friends? The only difference between it and Scrabble is the location of the bonus squares.


Hasbro didn't care enough to send it's best lawyers?
 
2012-12-23 03:32:05 PM  

offmymeds: [www.adweek.com image 425x340]

"What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs
Rolls over your neighbor's dog?
What's great for a snack and fits on your back?
It's Log, Log, Log!

It's Log, Log, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood.
It's Log, Log, it's better than bad, it's good!
Everyone wants a log! You're gonna love it, Log!
Come on and get your log! Everyone needs a Log!"


Hey isn't that the 'I Want My Maypo' kid?
 
2012-12-23 03:32:06 PM  

hundreddollarman: "You shoot 26 people, kid!"

[i48.tinypic.com image 512x317]

/Too soon?


Passed around to a few friends. They will love it.
 
2012-12-23 03:41:48 PM  

JonnyG: OK, so I am just getting past the stage, but I've watched a LOT of toddler shows in the past 4 years with my son. I've gotta say that "In the night garden" is one farked up kids show. It's much more creepy and bizarre than that doll.


Is it as screwed up as Vegetable Soup? Because that was the show that David Lynch'd my childhood....

I'm all for giving kids the fake McDonalds food/cash register toys. After all, those will be the only kinds of jobs available for them by the time they grow up. Why not train them as early as possible so they can get a leg up on the competition?
 
2012-12-23 03:45:26 PM  

Great Janitor: I always wonderednwhynparents bought fake cleaning stuff for kids and not real cleaning stuff for kids


This is the kind of thinking that has me wanting to buy a cheap limo when the first kid gets his driver's license.
"So you want a car, son? Here you go. Now: TO THE BAR!"

That is to say, brilliant thinking.
 
2012-12-23 03:51:19 PM  

NeoCortex42: Izunbacol: It's scrabble with a slightly different board.

In other news, scrabble has been a popular board game for how long? Scrabble is fun, but in this case, you don't have to devote an hour and the kitchen table, let alone be in the same room.

Which is why they released a board game version of it? It makes no sense.


Yes it does, for the same reason there are multiple versions of Monopoly. It's the same as "You like puppies, so I got you Puppy-opoly." "You like Words With Friends on your iPhone, so I got you the board game." These are gifts to others - never for yourself. Every one of them will languish in a closet until a predetermined date when they will be sent to Goodwill and never seen again.
 
2012-12-23 03:51:39 PM  

hundreddollarman: "You shoot 26 people, kid!"

[i48.tinypic.com image 512x317]

/Too soon?


You, sir, are an evil, bad, wicked person. I would say you should feel bad, but I can barely stop laughing at that picture.
 
2012-12-23 03:52:40 PM  

Fat-D: Ikam: The author clearly doesn't have kids, or doesn't find himself around kids. I have no kids of my own, but plenty of my friends and family do, and I can say with 100% certainly that kids would love some of those toys.

/the number of fake plastic 'sandwiches' I've been served by toddlers is absurd.
//kids are really obsessed with fake food.

omeganuepsilon: The Tea Party (non-politard) is an almost ancient tradition for kids. Fake food, empty cups, etc.

What better to clean up the kids room than with the fun kiddy-fied cleaning kit?

This that and there.


tiamet4: Is it a sign that I'm getting old that I don't understand the pull of "Words with Friends". It's just jazzed up Scrabble.

\used to be with it
\\then they changed what it was
\\\now what's it seems weird and scary to me

My mother is/was a long time scrabble player....She is addicted to the FB version of Words with Friends....I see some of her friends playing it that are in the 60s-80s range.


Well I'm not quite that old (29, I just feel older) but there used to be FB Scrabble that I played with my friends. Now for some reason no one wants to play Scrabble because Words with Friends is better in some unfathomable way.
 
2012-12-23 03:56:59 PM  

namegoeshere: I would be very happy with a TotalFark membership for Christmas, personally.


THANK YOU, ThumperWabbt!! I am very happy with this most generous gift!

Merry Christmas, Happy Festivus, and God bless us, everyone!
 
2012-12-23 04:05:14 PM  

hundreddollarman: "You shoot 26 people, kid!"

[i48.tinypic.com image 512x317]

/Too soon?


Hmmm...odd set-up. The vertical grip on the front rail gives it a CQB lean...but the fixed long stock is no good in tight quarters. Really needs a telescoping stock...also a laser and/or flashlight.
 
2012-12-23 04:11:59 PM  

ArkAngel: [ecx.images-amazon.com image 300x300]


Last year, I received a hot chocolate sampler and a $10 gift card to Target. Both are stil unused.
 
2012-12-23 04:25:43 PM  
That pounding bench looks pretty good for a very young child. My wife insisted on getting that pooing doll for our daughter. We put the 'food' though it once and after that it never poo'd again. Pretty good doll actually, made appropriate sounds when a spoon or sippy cup was placed between its lips, but not other objects.

Breastfeeding doll is wrong. I was expecting a list of terrible presents for childs like subscription to Time or relaxing bath salts eg presents aimed at adults.
 
2012-12-23 04:29:45 PM  
My daughter is turning four tomorrow and is getting a set of fake food (not the McDonald's one) and fake tea cups, because she LOVES pretending to cook and according to her preschool teachers spends all of her free choice time making imaginary meals for everyone. I'm pretty sure she'd love the pounding bench, too, except there's no way in hell I'm getting her something that makes that much noise; I'll leave that to the aunts and uncles.
 
2012-12-23 04:58:45 PM  

Farnn: That wood pounding rack looks like the type of toy kids would love and parents would hate that you got it for their kid. Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.


Honestly, they don't make that much noise when kids of the appropriate age play with them. And by that point you're just so glad the kid isn't screaming that hammering is a welcome break.
 
2012-12-23 05:28:39 PM  

NeoCortex42: How is Zynga actually allowed to make a board game version of Words with Friends? The only difference between it and Scrabble is the location of the bonus squares.


Because of Meteors
Link
 
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