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(RamblingBeachCat.com)   The 10 worst gifts you can get your child this Christmas (besides a Total Fark membership)   (ramblingbeachcat.com) divider line 114
    More: Amusing, christmas, Words With Friends, Santa Clause, FAO Schwartz, cash registers, St. Nicholas, Golden Arches, gender identity disorder  
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22807 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Dec 2012 at 11:48 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



114 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2012-12-23 01:05:25 AM  
I had a Little Helper when I was a wee little one.  I liked watching the balls inside it pop around.
 
2012-12-23 09:10:29 AM  
I fully intend to get my son a TF membership when he's ready to take an Intro to Logic course. Why bother searching for examples when I have the full gamut of moron - from Birther to Truther to aliens-are-invading amd everything in between - begging me to read not only their 'important news', but all their wonderfully researched and thought out views on the subject
 
2012-12-23 09:58:59 AM  
ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2012-12-23 10:26:09 AM  
www.invitations4less.com
 
2012-12-23 10:35:24 AM  

stratagos: I fully intend to get my son a TF membership when he's ready to take an Intro to Logic course. Why bother searching for examples when I have the full gamut of moron - from Birther to Truther to aliens-are-invading amd everything in between - begging me to read not only their 'important news', but all their wonderfully researched and thought out views on the subject


To be fair, the politics tab offers most of that for free.
 
2012-12-23 10:38:04 AM  
Also, this now hard to find gift still needs to be killed with fire.
 
2012-12-23 11:49:52 AM  
I had a Little Helper when I was a wee little one. I liked watching the balls pop around.

catholic?
 
2012-12-23 11:50:29 AM  

Nickster79: stratagos: I fully intend to get my son a TF membership when he's ready to take an Intro to Logic course. Why bother searching for examples when I have the full gamut of moron - from Birther to Truther to aliens-are-invading amd everything in between - begging me to read not only their 'important news', but all their wonderfully researched and thought out views on the subject

To be fair, the politics tab offers most of that for free.


Yes, but TFD is it's own little echo chamber, and while it's no derpfest, it is an interesting case study
 
2012-12-23 11:53:19 AM  

stratagos: Nickster79: stratagos: I fully intend to get my son a TF membership when he's ready to take an Intro to Logic course. Why bother searching for examples when I have the full gamut of moron - from Birther to Truther to aliens-are-invading amd everything in between - begging me to read not only their 'important news', but all their wonderfully researched and thought out views on the subject

To be fair, the politics tab offers most of that for free.

Yes, but TFD is it's own little echo chamber, and while it's no derpfest, it is an interesting case study


True...although a thread there one time responding to a guy asking how to make a good impression on his first day at a new job is still one of the funniest things that I've ever read.
 
2012-12-23 11:56:20 AM  
img651.imageshack.us
 
2012-12-23 11:56:27 AM  
As much as I dislike eating McDonalds.....They look like good sets for kids who like to PRETEND to do things....like have a picnic.
 
2012-12-23 11:57:20 AM  
I would be very happy with a TotalFark membership for Christmas, personally.
 
2012-12-23 11:58:51 AM  

ArkAngel: [hot cocoa sampler]


Ooh, I got some of that last year. It was nasty. Srsly, the generic Swiss Miss from Aldi was much better.
 
2012-12-23 12:00:03 PM  
My total fark membership expired today. Not renewing. I'll wait for the TFers to sift through the rubbish.

/If one is sifting through the raw fark submissions to improve the final front page content, you should be getting paid for it, or at least be getting it for free, not paying for the privilege!
//still love Fark after >10 years
 
2012-12-23 12:00:40 PM  
I'm not normally one to complain about the article, but that really read like someone was trying to imitate Seanbaby in his prime, and failing terribly. Even the Cracked articles usually aren't that bad. The list wasn't even very interesting, as it fails to contain entries like the 1950s' "Li'l' Nuclear Physicist Kit with REAL NUCLEAR MATERIAL".

The last entry was a bit eyebrow-raising, however; baby toys usually don't so directly reference the physiological processes. Interesting.
 
2012-12-23 12:01:43 PM  

acronym: I had a Little Helper when I was a wee little one. I liked watching the balls pop around.

catholic?


Eh, holiday Catholic.
 
2012-12-23 12:02:01 PM  
My 3yo was laying on top of me squealing in delight at those toys.
 
2012-12-23 12:02:46 PM  
Amazon also has replacement diapers for the pooing baby doll...based on the comments, these diapers are more expensive than the real thing, and they leak. XD
 
2012-12-23 12:04:02 PM  

acronym: I had a Little Helper when I was a wee little one. I liked watching the balls pop around.

catholic?


1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-12-23 12:06:44 PM  
How is Zynga actually allowed to make a board game version of Words with Friends? The only difference between it and Scrabble is the location of the bonus squares.
 
2012-12-23 12:07:12 PM  

Fat-D: As much as I dislike eating McDonalds.....They look like good sets for kids who like to PRETEND to do things....like have a picnic.


NOT PRETEND to do things....like future burger-flippin.
 
2012-12-23 12:08:41 PM  
So uh... how uh... hard does that... uh... breast-feeding doll actually suck? My uh... friend want's to know...
 
2012-12-23 12:09:40 PM  
Sounds like author of article doesn't have kids. Kids love playing with fake food.
 
2012-12-23 12:11:02 PM  
zioneocon.blogspot.com

/hotlink from a jewish blog....
 
2012-12-23 12:12:35 PM  

IamPatSajak: My 3yo was laying on top of me squealing in delight at those toys.


Yup. Author clearly doesn't have kids. Most of those are just fine. The thumb wrestling is still dumb.
 
2012-12-23 12:14:13 PM  
The author clearly doesn't have kids, or doesn't find himself around kids. I have no kids of my own, but plenty of my friends and family do, and I can say with 100% certainly that kids would love some of those toys.

/the number of fake plastic 'sandwiches' I've been served by toddlers is absurd.
//kids are really obsessed with fake food.
 
2012-12-23 12:14:14 PM  
Awful blog, but the baby alive video is worth a watch.
 
2012-12-23 12:14:22 PM  
i471.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-23 12:15:23 PM  
The video of the girl refusing to change the diaper on the pooping doll is hysterical, if not a bit inappropriate.
 
2012-12-23 12:15:49 PM  
ok, I am watching the brian setzer orchestra play xmas music music and its awful... pleasee adjust your head before going on tv....
 
2012-12-23 12:18:45 PM  
That wood pounding rack looks like the type of toy kids would love and parents would hate that you got it for their kid. Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.
 
2012-12-23 12:20:00 PM  
www.adweek.com

"What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs
Rolls over your neighbor's dog?
What's great for a snack and fits on your back?
It's Log, Log, Log!

It's Log, Log, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood.
It's Log, Log, it's better than bad, it's good!
Everyone wants a log! You're gonna love it, Log!
Come on and get your log! Everyone needs a Log!"
 
2012-12-23 12:20:27 PM  
This is all wrong ! Everyone knows that the register at McDonalds has pictures of the food, not numbers on the keys.
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-12-23 12:21:05 PM  

thornhill: The video of the girl refusing to change the diaper on the pooping doll is hysterical, if not a bit inappropriate.


"You can't let your baby sit in poop; DSS will come and get you!"

/start saving for your kids therapy bills now, Mom
 
2012-12-23 12:30:21 PM  
Is it a sign that I'm getting old that I don't understand the pull of "Words with Friends". It's just jazzed up Scrabble.

\used to be with it
\\then they changed what it was
\\\now what's it seems weird and scary to me
 
2012-12-23 12:39:54 PM  

thornhill: The video of the girl refusing to change the diaper on the pooping doll is hysterical, if not a bit inappropriate.


There have been dolls that wet their pants for many years. Nothing new there. But I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during the committee meeting where it was decided that in order to gain some level of competitive edge, what was required was a doll that shiats itself.
 
2012-12-23 12:40:27 PM  
It's scrabble with a slightly different board.

In other news, scrabble has been a popular board game for how long? Scrabble is fun, but in this case, you don't have to devote an hour and the kitchen table, let alone be in the same room.
 
2012-12-23 12:42:26 PM  
I was expecting 'bag of hammers' and 'pile of rusty razor blades'. Leaving disappointed.
 
2012-12-23 12:42:35 PM  

Izunbacol: It's scrabble with a slightly different board.

In other news, scrabble has been a popular board game for how long? Scrabble is fun, but in this case, you don't have to devote an hour and the kitchen table, let alone be in the same room.


Which is why they released a board game version of it? It makes no sense.
 
2012-12-23 12:43:10 PM  

cig-mkr: This is all wrong ! Everyone knows that the register at McDonalds has pictures of the food, not numbers on the keys.


When I worked at McDonalds in the late 90s, there were no pictures on the register.

But maybe things have changed.
 
2012-12-23 12:45:07 PM  

foo monkey: Awful blog, but the baby alive video is worth a watch.


That'd be a great gift for the kid who wants a real baby a bit too much. That logic can and does get stuck in a brain, I know of towns in the US where teen pregancy is actually a positive status symbol. farking disturbing.

Want to disrupt that? Shock the shiat out of them with realistic poo-doll when they're just beginning to form such romantic notions.

Sure, it's not enjoyable, its not supposed to be, it's a life lesson.

Fat-D: As much as I dislike eating McDonalds.....They look like good sets for kids who like to PRETEND to do things....like have a picnic.


This, and the others.

The Tea Party (non-politard) is an almost ancient tradition for kids. Fake food, empty cups, etc.

What better to clean up the kids room than with the fun kiddy-fied cleaning kit?

Everything from this section is not glamourously fun, no, but it can be mildly entertaining and educational. Manners and knowledge of cleaning are not bad things.

I think the article writer is a bit of a clueless douche.
/understatement
 
2012-12-23 12:47:38 PM  

More_Like_A_Stain: thornhill: The video of the girl refusing to change the diaper on the pooping doll is hysterical, if not a bit inappropriate.

There have been dolls that wet their pants for many years. Nothing new there. But I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during the committee meeting where it was decided that in order to gain some level of competitive edge, what was required was a doll that shiats itself.


Clearly you didn't watch the video. The doll is not the issue
 
2012-12-23 12:48:09 PM  
No Bushmaster on the list??

Son..I am disappoint
 
2012-12-23 12:50:48 PM  
 FTA: "When I set out to compile assortment of terrible toys, many of the "worst of" lists I found on the internet were made based off of the fact that the toy was simply too dangerous."

My favorite dangerous toy as a child:

i.imgur.com
 
2012-12-23 12:53:47 PM  

WhippingBoy: So uh... how uh... hard does that... uh... breast-feeding doll actually suck? My uh... friend want's to know...


Lol'd at this. Good one
 
2012-12-23 12:55:23 PM  
The comments on the Amazon site for the breastfeeding doll are just all kinds of entertaining.

The way the toy works is this: when you put the supplied "bra" on & put the doll to the flower nipple, the doll makes sucking noises & movements which provide direct stimulation to the nipples. To me, it wasn't a pleasant sensation, and for the life of me, I cannot fathom why ANYONE with a brain would think electronic stimulation of children's nipples would be a healthy thing!

data.whicdn.com
 
M-G
2012-12-23 12:56:40 PM  
The wooden hammer set is great for toddlers, and the kids love playing with the fake food. Normally his stuff is pretty funny, but this was a fail.
 
2012-12-23 12:57:32 PM  

offmymeds: [www.adweek.com image 425x340]

"What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs
Rolls over your neighbor's dog?
What's great for a snack and fits on your back?
It's Log, Log, Log!

It's Log, Log, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood.
It's Log, Log, it's better than bad, it's good!
Everyone wants a log! You're gonna love it, Log!
Come on and get your log! Everyone needs a Log!"


I bought the Ren & Stimpy CD and put a bow on a log one year at Christmas. I started the Log song and gave the log to my mom. She thought it was hilarious.
 
2012-12-23 01:03:52 PM  
The McDonald's one can't be real- the cheese is separate from the meat patties, making it possible to order an actual HAMBURGER.

/farking idiots. in what universe is a "hamburger" a "cheeseburger - hold the cheese?"
 
2012-12-23 01:04:27 PM  
I always wonderednwhynparents bought fake cleaning stuff for kids and not real cleaning stuff for kids
 
2012-12-23 01:05:13 PM  

thornhill: More_Like_A_Stain: thornhill: The video of the girl refusing to change the diaper on the pooping doll is hysterical, if not a bit inappropriate.

There have been dolls that wet their pants for many years. Nothing new there. But I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during the committee meeting where it was decided that in order to gain some level of competitive edge, what was required was a doll that shiats itself.

Clearly you didn't watch the video. The doll is not the issue


I did watch the video. I felt sorry for the little girl. This will likely not be the last time that she will get exactly what she wanted, and will want no part of it. It's both disturbing and amusing. And absolutely irrelevant to the image of a bunch of executives sitting in a room discussing the merits of a doll that shiats itself. Flip charts on tripods. Stacks of paper containing cost projections. Product safety testing results. Focus group polling data. Should it have an audio component, or should it shiat silently. This is the kind of thing that would make a great SNL sketch simply for the absurdity of it all. Yet the very fact that the product exists is proof positive that this discussion happened in all of it's ridiculousness. And they even went so far as to design packaging for replacement poo.
 
2012-12-23 01:08:10 PM  

M-G: The wooden hammer set is great for toddlers


It teaches eye-hand coordination. Otherwise known as how to not hit your thumb with the hammer.
 
2012-12-23 01:08:33 PM  
OK, so I am just getting past the stage, but I've watched a LOT of toddler shows in the past 4 years with my son. I've gotta say that "In the night garden" is one farked up kids show. It's much more creepy and bizarre than that doll.
 
2012-12-23 01:11:04 PM  

WhippingBoy: So uh... how uh... hard does that... uh... breast-feeding doll actually suck? My uh... friend want's to know...


He want is to know?
He has is to know?
 
2012-12-23 01:16:20 PM  

Farnn: Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.


But they do, as well as toys that are designed to make huge messes.

/guess which types of toys I got my nephews this year?
//:D
 
2012-12-23 01:17:40 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: Farnn: Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.

But they do, as well as toys that are designed to make huge messes.

/guess which types of toys I got my nephews this year?
//:D


You are an evil and brilliant person
 
2012-12-23 01:18:35 PM  

Ikam: The author clearly doesn't have kids, or doesn't find himself around kids. I have no kids of my own, but plenty of my friends and family do, and I can say with 100% certainly that kids would love some of those toys.

/the number of fake plastic 'sandwiches' I've been served by toddlers is absurd.
//kids are really obsessed with fake food.


omeganuepsilon: The Tea Party (non-politard) is an almost ancient tradition for kids. Fake food, empty cups, etc.

What better to clean up the kids room than with the fun kiddy-fied cleaning kit?


This that and there.


tiamet4: Is it a sign that I'm getting old that I don't understand the pull of "Words with Friends". It's just jazzed up Scrabble.

\used to be with it
\\then they changed what it was
\\\now what's it seems weird and scary to me


My mother is/was a long time scrabble player....She is addicted to the FB version of Words with Friends....I see some of her friends playing it that are in the 60s-80s range.
 
2012-12-23 01:19:20 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: Farnn: Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.

But they do, as well as toys that are designed to make huge messes.

/guess which types of toys I got my nephews this year?
//:D


Drums? It's a shame that carbide cannons aren't sold anymore. Those things could make noise. Big noise.
 
2012-12-23 01:33:52 PM  

Nickster79: The My Little Pony Killer: Farnn: Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.

But they do, as well as toys that are designed to make huge messes.

/guess which types of toys I got my nephews this year?
//:D

You are an evil and brilliant person


The icing on the cake?  I also got refills for the messy gift.
 
2012-12-23 01:44:23 PM  
The Mom in the video threatened to call the authorities if her three year old didn't clean up her doll's poop. What kind of sick fark would do that
 
2012-12-23 01:45:25 PM  
"You shoot 26 people, kid!"

i48.tinypic.com

/Too soon?
 
2012-12-23 01:46:15 PM  

NeoCortex42: How is Zynga actually allowed to make a board game version of Words with Friends? The only difference between it and Scrabble is the location of the bonus squares.


Near as I can tell Hasbro started a partnership with Zynga. Smart move, because profits from both Scrabble and Words with Friends go to them.
 
2012-12-23 01:54:09 PM  

Farnn: That wood pounding rack looks like the type of toy kids would love and parents would hate that you got it for their kid. Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.


Plus the kid might get "creative" and start to apply the hammer to other things like flower pots, pets, furniture and siblings...
 
2012-12-23 01:56:44 PM  

smask: Farnn: That wood pounding rack looks like the type of toy kids would love and parents would hate that you got it for their kid. Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.

Plus the kid might get "creative" and start to apply the hammer to other things like flower pots, pets, furniture and siblings...


Dad's crotch...
 
2012-12-23 01:57:32 PM  
The pounding bench has been around for years. Other than the noise factor, it will keep a 2-3 year old occupied until they actually hit their hands.
 
2012-12-23 01:58:51 PM  
A children's bible. At least, the one that my grandfather got me. The one that had the story in it about Bethseba. And others. And I was eight or something. I remember thinking: I shouldn't be reading this. This is not a story for children.
 
2012-12-23 02:09:55 PM  

stratagos: I fully intend to get my son a TF membership when he's ready to take an Intro to Logic course. Why bother searching for examples when I have the full gamut of moron - from Birther to Truther to aliens-are-invading amd everything in between - begging me to read not only their 'important news', but all their wonderfully researched and thought out views on the subject


The Intro to Logic course on CourseRA was pretty good :)
 
2012-12-23 02:15:09 PM  
Author clearly does not have kids. the pounding bench is very popular with little ones who can whack the shiat out of it with a hammer, and if he had seen In The Night Garden he would know that kids love Upsy Daisy.
 
2012-12-23 02:21:16 PM  
How about a doll that you give up for adoption?  Comes with paperwork, paste on scars, crack baby itching powder.

Subliminal message, "Watch your ass, or this is your fate"
 
2012-12-23 02:31:00 PM  
For Christmas one year I got this big box that I was all excited to open. There were two pillows in it.

What farking parent buys *pillows* for their kid's present?

/still pissed off
 
2012-12-23 02:32:46 PM  

foo monkey: Awful blog, but the baby alive video is worth a watch.


This is a case for CPS, the kids hair was a mess!
 
2012-12-23 02:32:49 PM  

WhippingBoy: So uh... how uh... hard does that... uh... breast-feeding doll actually suck? My uh... friend want's to know...


And how wide can it's widdle mouth open?

/My friend, who happens to be a bald, one-eyed midget is curious.
 
2012-12-23 02:34:02 PM  
For the little ones:
img442.imageshack.us
 
2012-12-23 02:37:32 PM  
I'd like to thank whoever it was that gifted ME with total Fark this morning. Not sure what I said or did, but it"s very appreciated :)
 
2012-12-23 02:42:59 PM  

skinink: [img651.imageshack.us image 800x461]


NOT IN MY NEIGHBORHOOOOOD....
 
2012-12-23 02:43:16 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: I had a Little Helper when I was a wee little one.  I liked watching the balls inside it pop around.


I had a toy vacuum cleaner when I was a kid that took batteries and actually sucked small bits of dirt up. I liked it. I also had a broom and dustpan. These days I hate to clean.. go figure..
 
2012-12-23 02:47:48 PM  

dstanley: For Christmas one year I got this big box that I was all excited to open. There were two pillows in it.

What farking parent buys *pillows* for their kid's present?

/still pissed off


A - Parents who can't afford anything better
B - Parents of a kid who has been a little snot, and the crap present is a not-so-subtle way of reminding their kid that life ain't a free ride, and actions have consequences.

Given your bitterness, I'm going with B
 
2012-12-23 02:55:58 PM  

Cast: [zioneocon.blogspot.com image 276x377]

/hotlink from a jewish blog....


Is the Yamulka bullet proof too? Looks like he needs the bulletproof clip board and backpack to complete his outfit.
 
2012-12-23 02:57:42 PM  

Farnn: That wood pounding rack looks like the type of toy kids would love and parents would hate that you got it for their kid. Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.


Hungry Hungry Hippos!
 
2012-12-23 03:04:07 PM  

Medic Zero: Farnn: That wood pounding rack looks like the type of toy kids would love and parents would hate that you got it for their kid. Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.

Hungry Hungry Hippos!


...or you could go with Zynga's Farmville knock off of Hungry Hungry Hippos

www.blogcdn.com
 
2012-12-23 03:08:38 PM  

hundreddollarman: "You shoot 26 people, kid!"

[i48.tinypic.com image 512x317]

/Too soon?


Naw, that's brilliant!

/ To be fair, I think it is never too soon.
 
2012-12-23 03:13:22 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-12-23 03:16:51 PM  

Nickster79: Medic Zero: Farnn: That wood pounding rack looks like the type of toy kids would love and parents would hate that you got it for their kid. Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.

Hungry Hungry Hippos!

...or you could go with Zynga's Farmville knock off of Hungry Hungry Hippos

[www.blogcdn.com image 490x252]


Lame. Classic HHH FTW!

We loved that game growing up. Never got sick of it, because we never got to play it very long before the parents nixed it because of the noise. My sister won big points from me when she actually bought it for her kids a few years ago.
 
2012-12-23 03:17:17 PM  
I would have loved to get dinosaur poop when I was ten.
 
2012-12-23 03:25:38 PM  

Farnn: That wood pounding rack looks like the type of toy kids would love and parents would hate that you got it for their kid. Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.


I made the mistake of buying a noise toy for a friend before I had kids. Paybacks can be a biatch and end up in a war. Many years were spent buying the most obnoxious toys for each others kids for a few years.

Soooo much fun....
 
2012-12-23 03:27:32 PM  

NeoCortex42: How is Zynga actually allowed to make a board game version of Words with Friends? The only difference between it and Scrabble is the location of the bonus squares.


Hasbro didn't care enough to send it's best lawyers?
 
2012-12-23 03:32:05 PM  

offmymeds: [www.adweek.com image 425x340]

"What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs
Rolls over your neighbor's dog?
What's great for a snack and fits on your back?
It's Log, Log, Log!

It's Log, Log, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood.
It's Log, Log, it's better than bad, it's good!
Everyone wants a log! You're gonna love it, Log!
Come on and get your log! Everyone needs a Log!"


Hey isn't that the 'I Want My Maypo' kid?
 
2012-12-23 03:32:06 PM  

hundreddollarman: "You shoot 26 people, kid!"

[i48.tinypic.com image 512x317]

/Too soon?


Passed around to a few friends. They will love it.
 
2012-12-23 03:41:48 PM  

JonnyG: OK, so I am just getting past the stage, but I've watched a LOT of toddler shows in the past 4 years with my son. I've gotta say that "In the night garden" is one farked up kids show. It's much more creepy and bizarre than that doll.


Is it as screwed up as Vegetable Soup? Because that was the show that David Lynch'd my childhood....

I'm all for giving kids the fake McDonalds food/cash register toys. After all, those will be the only kinds of jobs available for them by the time they grow up. Why not train them as early as possible so they can get a leg up on the competition?
 
2012-12-23 03:45:26 PM  

Great Janitor: I always wonderednwhynparents bought fake cleaning stuff for kids and not real cleaning stuff for kids


This is the kind of thinking that has me wanting to buy a cheap limo when the first kid gets his driver's license.
"So you want a car, son? Here you go. Now: TO THE BAR!"

That is to say, brilliant thinking.
 
2012-12-23 03:51:19 PM  

NeoCortex42: Izunbacol: It's scrabble with a slightly different board.

In other news, scrabble has been a popular board game for how long? Scrabble is fun, but in this case, you don't have to devote an hour and the kitchen table, let alone be in the same room.

Which is why they released a board game version of it? It makes no sense.


Yes it does, for the same reason there are multiple versions of Monopoly. It's the same as "You like puppies, so I got you Puppy-opoly." "You like Words With Friends on your iPhone, so I got you the board game." These are gifts to others - never for yourself. Every one of them will languish in a closet until a predetermined date when they will be sent to Goodwill and never seen again.
 
2012-12-23 03:51:39 PM  

hundreddollarman: "You shoot 26 people, kid!"

[i48.tinypic.com image 512x317]

/Too soon?


You, sir, are an evil, bad, wicked person. I would say you should feel bad, but I can barely stop laughing at that picture.
 
2012-12-23 03:52:40 PM  

Fat-D: Ikam: The author clearly doesn't have kids, or doesn't find himself around kids. I have no kids of my own, but plenty of my friends and family do, and I can say with 100% certainly that kids would love some of those toys.

/the number of fake plastic 'sandwiches' I've been served by toddlers is absurd.
//kids are really obsessed with fake food.

omeganuepsilon: The Tea Party (non-politard) is an almost ancient tradition for kids. Fake food, empty cups, etc.

What better to clean up the kids room than with the fun kiddy-fied cleaning kit?

This that and there.


tiamet4: Is it a sign that I'm getting old that I don't understand the pull of "Words with Friends". It's just jazzed up Scrabble.

\used to be with it
\\then they changed what it was
\\\now what's it seems weird and scary to me

My mother is/was a long time scrabble player....She is addicted to the FB version of Words with Friends....I see some of her friends playing it that are in the 60s-80s range.


Well I'm not quite that old (29, I just feel older) but there used to be FB Scrabble that I played with my friends. Now for some reason no one wants to play Scrabble because Words with Friends is better in some unfathomable way.
 
2012-12-23 03:56:59 PM  

namegoeshere: I would be very happy with a TotalFark membership for Christmas, personally.


THANK YOU, ThumperWabbt!! I am very happy with this most generous gift!

Merry Christmas, Happy Festivus, and God bless us, everyone!
 
2012-12-23 04:05:14 PM  

hundreddollarman: "You shoot 26 people, kid!"

[i48.tinypic.com image 512x317]

/Too soon?


Hmmm...odd set-up. The vertical grip on the front rail gives it a CQB lean...but the fixed long stock is no good in tight quarters. Really needs a telescoping stock...also a laser and/or flashlight.
 
2012-12-23 04:11:59 PM  

ArkAngel: [ecx.images-amazon.com image 300x300]


Last year, I received a hot chocolate sampler and a $10 gift card to Target. Both are stil unused.
 
2012-12-23 04:25:43 PM  
That pounding bench looks pretty good for a very young child. My wife insisted on getting that pooing doll for our daughter. We put the 'food' though it once and after that it never poo'd again. Pretty good doll actually, made appropriate sounds when a spoon or sippy cup was placed between its lips, but not other objects.

Breastfeeding doll is wrong. I was expecting a list of terrible presents for childs like subscription to Time or relaxing bath salts eg presents aimed at adults.
 
2012-12-23 04:29:45 PM  
My daughter is turning four tomorrow and is getting a set of fake food (not the McDonald's one) and fake tea cups, because she LOVES pretending to cook and according to her preschool teachers spends all of her free choice time making imaginary meals for everyone. I'm pretty sure she'd love the pounding bench, too, except there's no way in hell I'm getting her something that makes that much noise; I'll leave that to the aunts and uncles.
 
2012-12-23 04:58:45 PM  

Farnn: That wood pounding rack looks like the type of toy kids would love and parents would hate that you got it for their kid. Should never make toys where the object is to make a lot of noise.


Honestly, they don't make that much noise when kids of the appropriate age play with them. And by that point you're just so glad the kid isn't screaming that hammering is a welcome break.
 
2012-12-23 05:28:39 PM  

NeoCortex42: How is Zynga actually allowed to make a board game version of Words with Friends? The only difference between it and Scrabble is the location of the bonus squares.


Because of Meteors
Link
 
2012-12-23 05:59:39 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: /guess which types of toys I got my nephews this year?


I make it a point to send a toy that will make the most noise possible to my niece (but only in the years she spends christmas at her mom's house).
 
2012-12-23 06:13:15 PM  

hundreddollarman: "You shoot 26 people, kid!"

[i48.tinypic.com image 512x317]

/Too soon?


You are so going straight into Krampus' sack for that, you awful person, you.
 
2012-12-23 07:39:44 PM  
fark that list. I bought my 2 year old son that very dyson and he loves it.
 
2012-12-23 07:44:00 PM  
I would love to know what toys the author of TFA (whom I strongly suspect of being a hipster) would consider appropriate for small children.
 
2012-12-23 09:02:51 PM  
WTF? This is awesome.
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-12-23 09:48:21 PM  

tiamet4: Well I'm not quite that old (29, I just feel older) but there used to be FB Scrabble that I played with my friends. Now for some reason no one wants to play Scrabble because Words with Friends is better in some unfathomable way.


I turn 29 in 3 days.....
I wondered the same thing about WWF rise in popularity. I asked my mother(59) why she plays and her response was "all of my friends play".

I avoid FB games if at all possible.....Facebook in general I guess.
 
2012-12-23 09:58:30 PM  
I loved the video - what a great reminder that most parents suck-ass when it comes to child-rearing.

I'm sorry...should have said ALL parents suck at child-rearing.

Mommy is there forcing the kid to "enjoy" something she bought (and therefore is emotionally invested in) while the shrieking snowflake is grossed out.

Breeders..you're all breeders. Anyone with kids ought to be ashamed of themselves. Thank "god" that sometimes these "future f*cktards" get themselves thinned out. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about and f*ck you.

/Hitler was probably a cute baby, himself. And if someone had killed baby Adolf, THAT person would be the bad guy.
 
2012-12-23 10:32:22 PM  

DaCaptain19: I loved the video - what a great reminder that most parents suck-ass when it comes to child-rearing.

I'm sorry...should have said ALL parents suck at child-rearing.

Mommy is there forcing the kid to "enjoy" something she bought (and therefore is emotionally invested in) while the shrieking snowflake is grossed out.

Breeders..you're all breeders. Anyone with kids ought to be ashamed of themselves. Thank "god" that sometimes these "future f*cktards" get themselves thinned out. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about and f*ck you.

/Hitler was probably a cute baby, himself. And if someone had killed baby Adolf, THAT person would be the bad guy.


Too bad the thinning out missed you.
 
2012-12-23 10:32:52 PM  
That kid has got some weird looking nipples.
thesocietypages.org
 
2012-12-23 10:37:37 PM  

DaCaptain19: I loved the video - what a great reminder that most parents suck-ass when it comes to child-rearing.

I'm sorry...should have said ALL parents suck at child-rearing.


Well, your parents certainly sucked. The least they could have done was teach you how to troll.
 
2012-12-23 10:51:44 PM  

hundreddollarman: "You shoot 26 people, kid!"

[i48.tinypic.com image 512x317]

/Too soon?


coals in your stocking, sir
 
2012-12-24 12:00:03 AM  

yourmomlovestetris: JonnyG: OK, so I am just getting past the stage, but I've watched a LOT of toddler shows in the past 4 years with my son. I've gotta say that "In the night garden" is one farked up kids show. It's much more creepy and bizarre than that doll.

Is it as screwed up as Vegetable Soup? Because that was the show that David Lynch'd my childhood....


OMG what the hell?! Their hands... what in god's name is wrong with their hands?!

Well, I'm insane now. Thanks for that.

Anyhoo, the author of the linked sucky blog must have never been a child. I would have loved to play with dinosaur poop when I was a kid. Heck, I'd love to play with some now.

/poop. heh.
 
2012-12-24 01:19:10 AM  
My almost 2yo daughter would love any of the cleaning or food toys (although I wouldn't get mcdonalds). She would probably like the pounding block (she likesthe one at playgroup). As it is she is getting a trike and shiat tons of duplos and some trucks.

Css time:
After years of asking for a horse as a child I had finally given up trying. Then the xmas I was 14 I unwrapped a present from my dad and it was filled with horse brushes, hoofpick etc. I was in shock and was like "omg I am getting a horse!?" and my father says " oh no these are just so when we go to great uncle Jims ranch you have your own tools". Most disappointing gift ever.

/would love a tf membership though lol
 
2012-12-24 01:49:34 AM  

bagumpity: The McDonald's one can't be real- the cheese is separate from the meat patties, making it possible to order an actual HAMBURGER.

/farking idiots. in what universe is a "hamburger" a "cheeseburger - hold the cheese?"


cry moar, said the left handed ginger who hates pickles and onions. I never thought about your particular plight though. I can pick my burgers apart, but you're well and truly f'd if they put cheese on it aren't you?
 
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